₦airaland Forum

@OP:

The girl is very desperate and is not putting on her thinking cap. She made it seem that she wanted marriage and not the b/f. She also is very vain (Imagine 'we will get engaged on a yatch etc.') and want to be a Mrs. by force(I have saved for the wedding ceremony; I will buy the ring etc.) She also didnot understand what her b/f was saying, was not logical and engaging him on an emotional level. She also waited for 4yrs before talking marriage. She didnot even know the guy's vision: I want to start earning N300K before we marry; I want us to marry in 3yrs time etc.

The guy is very insensitive and does not love the girl to me. Infact, he didnot sound like he was interested in marrying her in the first place. Must bella naija and Linda Ikeji cover their engagement? How small is his apartment that they cannot begin from there? Must their wedding be the talk of the town? Is it his proposed kids that he is refering to as 'popcorn'? Don't people have a family on smaller income? Afterall, the girl claims to have savings; why can't he tell her to start a business? How long did he plan to string the girl? He is also very unyielding: the babe was trying to meet him halfway (even though she was desperate & senseless about it) but the guy was taking my way/the highway stance.

They should break up and go their seperate ways

Godmystrength: exactly my thought o. her last comment hit me like i fell into iced river.

Were you able to get iced fish? [color=#000099][/color]

@OP:

You will be fine
The most problems faced by divorcees is caused by themselves;

What will people say?
Everybody talking must be talking about me
Everyone laughing is doing so at me
Playing the victim in the community, throwing pity parties, telling everyone their stories etc.

If you go about your business normally, nobody will pay you mind.

I would advice a seperation first though

Depends on the woman in question

Kachisbarbie: Buying brazillian/peruvian hair...that guys don't know the difference...lol
When you can easily braid/fix skullcap and look sweet
I so much agree with you, if I don't like the material I don't buy!
My friends know my pattern already, if the material ain't classy I'm not buying. Instead just tell me the color of the day, i would sew it the way I want and come. That's the kinda asoebi i do now , the 1s we are shown sample/shade of the material/style.
It actually comes out more beautiful in my eyes sef.

I have never gotten the craze of brazilian, peruvian, turkish, german hair etc.

How can a person convinently attach another human's hair on her head?

Does she not know that the head carries one's glory?

davidflipcy: really ?

Yeah

Godmystrength: So you have never been pregnant??

I myself shock!

I thought she has carried like 10 and knew all the technicalities

pickabeau1: Yes they met at yale law

He needed her connections to make it

if he did not.. he will be a normal guy down the street with a legal practice

Ever heard opporrunities work for those who are prepared abi luck favours the prepared.

He must have started preparing himself towards his future and Hilary's connection just clicked to make oit easier.

P.S.: Did Bill practice hypergamy?

What a woman!

Nashville: Rebella, I agree with you. If a man has to wait for his girlfriend to send him job links before he can apply for a job then something is wrong somewhere. He may have potential but he is a bit slow. He may be intelligent, but he is not driven. Your cousin should break up with him, because when they get married, she will be the one pushing him to build a house, buy a car, get a better job, ask for a pay raise, even negotiate items in the market sef

.

You are encouraging 'gold digging' and hypergamy?

Don't let some people see abi read you o!

The issue with the guy is not even the lack of drive sef. If they got married and the cousin broke forth due to her own drive, the hubby might resent her and try to cage her or even tell her to stop work/business

Ambitionless/driveless men destroying dreams since 1800

njokusboy: bwahhahahahahhahhaha
she said a good percentage, wanted to correct her and say "a very good percentage' ....... but i changed my mind

Stop making it a woman's thing

A man makes a choice .... he is smart, he get eyes etc.

A woman makes a choice .... she is a 'golddigger', hypergamic etc.

Abeg leave everyone with their choice of a spouse.

God has given everyone the freedom to make a choice; package yourself to attract the type of people? spouse you want around you

pickabeau1: Then we (the sexes) get each other ... no wahala



Using O&G was an example
Poor people get married..yes But the wives complain, some even leave the marriage at the end.. with kids!

lets be real

Do the wives leave solely because of the money or because in addition to lack of quality, the men lack quantity (money) as well?

Don't children of poor parents complain? My problem is that you are making it a woman thing.

Every friends complain when they have been floating a non-potential friend for a long while

P.S.:Some women are not materialistic

njokusboy: Now you finally admit the obvious... why u come dey argue since

Women=money
Men= fine face, nice azzzz

I was not arguing, only pointing the obvious to pickabeau and other hypergamy chanters.

Heck, most people choose their friends based on what they can gain from them ; parents only identify with richer kids

Like my dad would say 'be friends from students who are more intelligent than you are' who will befriend the dullards?

It is human nature.

pickabeau1: Exactly.. thats the game.. dont hate the player...I dont
Money for women... Beauty for men

Chikena!!

Do you see women chanting 'beautigamy'? they get to work fixing hair/nails/eyelashes, bleaching, wearing butt pads, dressing like Kim K, buying Brazilian hair etc. so why are men disturbing us with 'hypergamy'?

Please get to work.

pickabeau1: Welcome to the world .. bro

Money makes the world go round

All that potential format na wash

Its just that they dont want to accept



So what of those who dont get oil n gas jobs or dont have the connections or dont get the breaks in life

I have not said everybody must work in Oil & Gas; at least, neither I or hubby does

I am saying 'potential' as regards money is boom! With right connection, positioning, luck and hardwork; it is relatively easy.

Besides, you started the Oil & Gas talk.

Bros, poor people get married every day; several people will never be 'rich' no matter what they do; Some will lose their wealth etc. and yet all these men are still married/get wifey.

pickabeau1: Nothing wrong in this or that

Ladies should come out and speak plainly rather mouthing gibberish like potential when all they mean is comfort and money

Thats the point

Those that see 'potential' has such as always done so.

Men have chased beauty and elegance for ages so what is the problem?

Everybody is free to make their standards... if it is potential they want to call it, then potential it is!

pickabeau1: You make me laugh

So is it everyone destined to sell akara with 200k

Do you know the percentage of businesses which fail within the first year.. am not sure u do

You lot come here, saying the same spiel..

I hope you have seen the young wives of the 70 year old king.. the guy really has potential

Women are hypergamous.. accept it and move on...

if i ask most of the married women here, they married people in telecooms, oil n gas..yet u say potential

Potential indeed...

I like posters like ThoniasLIM who r real.. you are trying to whitewash and bamboozle.. say it as it is

Where is DailyNews for some epistles..


www.nairaland.com/attachments/1673341_10678849_574127662693226_1774560929959361581_n_jpegbf66557ef47abae1f8c122cf1f0033bb

I am sure all the lower staffs, bus conductors, mechanics, etc. married must have married from the moon

All this talk of hypergamy is moot; everybody marries someone they think will add values to their lives whether that value is money, children, position, cooking skills, MRS. title bedmatics etc. is something else altogether.

@ OP: Every woman should marry a man with the potential and drive to succeed otherwise, he will pull you down when you decide to fly.
I believe potential as discussed in this thread is earning power which does not require much. Right positioning, luck, connection and hardwork etc. will do the trick. If I am lucky and secure a job in a Oil & Gas coy immediately I graduated, I have passed potentials and have manifested whether I merit it or not.

The important thing is what really drives that person.

And not all drives/visions result to riches.

bellong: The first thing you need now is to get your sanity and self esteem back. If you remain in a toxic environment, you will go deeper in depression than the current state.

What you are fighting for isn't right for the children. It is not doing them any psychological advantage for them to constantly witness how your husband batters you. They are better raised with a single responsible parent than with two parents who wouldn't be able to manage their business without involving them.

Please, your children shouldn't be present witnessing how your husband harrasses you all in the name of wanting them to grow up with a father.

Involve your parents about the situation, get a temporary separation from him. Stay away from him for about two - three months to give him time to reevaluate the situation.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer if peradventure he is under the influence of charms.

It is well.

Thank you sir, God bless you

I really do not know where this 'staying for kids' in a toxic environment came from. The kids are learning fast that's why domestic violence will never cease.

@ OP, Please move out of the house temporarily for your sanity's sake and health. Luckily, you have a business that can get you going for now. Also involve your parents and let him come out to say what his future for your marriage is.

It takes two (husband & wife) to work on a marriage, you cannot do it alone

It is well

bellong: The first thing you need now is to get your sanity and self esteem back. If you remain in a toxic environment, you will go deeper in depression than the current state.

What you are fighting for isn't right for the children. It is not doing them any psychological advantage for them to constantly witness how your husband batters you. They are better raised with a single responsible parent than with two parents who wouldn't be able to manage their business without involving them.

Please, your children shouldn't be present witnessing how your husband harrasses you all in the name of wanting them to grow up with a father.

Involve your parents about the situation, get a temporary separation from him. Stay away from him for about two - three months to give him time to reevaluate the situation.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer if peradventure he is under the influence of charms.

It is well.

Thank you sir, God bless you

I really do not know where this 'staying for kids' in a toxic environment came from. The kids are learning fast that's why domestic violence will never cease.

@ OP, Please move out of the house temporarily for your sanity's sake and health. Luckily, you have a business that can get you going for now. Also involve your parents and let him come out to say what his future for your marriage is.

It takes two (husband & wife) to work on a marriage, you cannot do it alone

It is well

pickabeau1: Why do you think he is stereotyping ladies
If you have read most of the comments here by the ladies so far it's about steady great job, money for transportation or recharge cards, or trading from Lagos to Aba.

It's good to be factual so that guys know the score and ginger themselves to face the task and realities

Money is the game..Dont hate that game

What is potential to you

Remember that not all potential is actualized


Also remember that rich dude one married may fall on hard times or die premature

Once again..what Is potential to you

Well Well Maybe Nigerian ladies will stop chasing money or equating potential to money the day Nigerian men have more to offer than money.

If a lady believes all men are cheats, etc. she should by all means look for a rich or potentially rich guy to marry.

Like a friend of mine (a guy) would say, even if a rich husband hates you, he will buy you a car, his name will give you connection to grow your own business, will get people to do stuffs for you etc. not because he loves you but to maintain his status.

It is better to cry in a BMW than to cry in a keke.

If one must eat frog, he must eat the one that has egg

The one about olives and baby oil is crazy

Very relaxing thread

I will beat the child that he/she will tell the tale to his grand kids.

It is best the wife and kids move out to another location or the doctor moves out till he is done tracking ebola.

I am very sure that if the man's family hears it, they will come to pick up his wife and children

@those saying soldiers, all soldiers leave their homes to the battle front till the war is over. No soldier kills enemy troops and goes back home to his wife & kids because he knowd that the enemy can trace him to his house and finish his family.

ochejoseph: You are right my sister but but one thing about ashoebi is that

1. You might not have the choice of choosing your material

2. Some materials Fade after the first wash

3. Its an unplanned expense and if you are a banker or you work in an enterprise that abhors native wears on most work days your wardrobe will be filled with clothes you may never wear !

Well, if you do not like the material, don't buy (Easier said than done ).

You can wear the natives to Church/Mosque or other functions.

I like her white gown

Not a fan of the lace bra & skirt; do not like indecency...She can look good without looking like a s.lut but maybe that's her selling point

Ugly? in all fairness, she is not.

She is pretty in an innocent way

@OP:

Correct me if I am wrong but most asoebis are wearable.

I would agree paying heavily for bridal train wears sha; they are rarely reuseable

tonyx4x44: mhen! how did you do that hidden text ish?

He made the text colour white

@OP:

The earlier you realise people are different and there is no stereotyped behaviour, the better for you.

Everytime I call any one (mother, father, pastor, friend) etc. I always say after talking a while 'I just called to say hi/hello/to greet you'

Everytime someone accepts my friend invite, I thank them. Whenever people comment on my thread on NL, I sometimes welcome them to my thread.

I guess that makes me a wimpy lady right?

A little courtesy and politeness will do us all a whole lot of good

PocketEconomist: I just dey laugh In ma opinion though, a man should propose with something special, within his means I.e. what he can afford without soaking garri without groundnut in future It doesn't have to be a ring. That's ma opinion though

Where have you been?

It has been a while

Lilimax: Why do people bent on destroying the image of this family??.
Make una leave them alone abeg

But if they are guilty, then nobody is destroying their image

As you lay your bed, you lie on it

cococandy: @5minmadness, I read your seemingly 'extrapolative' post and all I got is that you think a woman should be dictated to.
Sorry that's all it says.

I don't care if the man is a demon or whatever.
Neither do I care if the wife is stubborn or a hot head.
I'm not interested in name calling.
(I'm sure both have their own issues)

But there's something lacking in this marriage and it is respect.
However one tries to look at it.
There's no respect.

Your post encourages the wife to tip toe around her own home (but of course it's never a woman's home. Is it? It's the man's and she's a tenant that can be chased out at any time).

Anyway to my point. It doesn't matter if she tries any of those skirmishes or side steps you think is the solution,he'll find something else to 'punish' her for.
Your cause and effect phrase doesn't hold water here. Is there ever any reason that will make you agree that a woman has cause to punish her husband?
Of course not. Why should there be? Aren't wives glorified slaves 'under the man's roof' 'in the man's house' or whatever other phrase that suits yous tastes

For peace to reign,she has to obey the oga.
So where does it stop?
Where does one a draw a line?

Today it's 'don't bath'
Say she finds a way to get around it by obeying or going out to bath(I can't even get my head around this suggestion )
Or lying that their neighbor pumped the water etc etc

Tomorrow it will be 'don't cook' (maybe because he thinks she's spending too much on groceries)
What then?
She'll beg for food or eat at their neighbors with the kids or go to a restuarant,eat and come back to pretend that she hasn't eaten?
Just so that she won't go against oga's command.

When you guys say some of the things you do,do you even pause to think that women are human beings and have feelings,pride and self worth?

The other day it was wife must greet first
Another day it's another silly thing
Today wife must obey no matter how xtupid the command is


How do y'all define marriage?

It is EXTREMELY ANNOYING!!!
Thank you

You must have missed the memo

You don't get it, do you?

The wife is not a child the husband 'punishes'

I am sure there is a 'reason' why that woman told her maid to seat on hot place. Afterall, she must have been cautioning her to stop bedwetting and she was too stubborn to listen

Goodluck to you

5minsmadness: Choi!

I am not siding the man oh.

I'm simply hesitant in crucifying him on the cross until I hear both sides of the story.

Too many extrapolative arguments here, its like I'm back in my Architecture class.

I'm a firm believer in cause and effect.
That is, for something to happen, something else must have taken place.

If the man got angry enough to tell her not to pump water for two days it might be because he had been telling her over and over and over again and she refused to listen.

I honestly don't see how feasible that punishment would have been. If he lives in the same house will he use his urine to cook his meals or have his bath or drink when he is thirsty?
Will he sit down and let his children die of thirst?
Will he be able to stand the smell of the children or his wifw after the first day?
And which landlord made of flesh and blood will stop a paying tenant from pumping water for his/her own use? After I've paid my rent finish you deny me pumping water? Its not possible!

Also I feel the wife acted too hastily. She should have waited for the man to come home that night to the reality and consequence of no water in the house. Smelly wife, smelly kids, no food. He would have found an excuse to reverse his opinion because there's no way no water in the house won't inconvenience him as well.

OR.

Wife could have done what she did, pumped the water etc and simply say it was the tenant that pumped it. Easy. He can't go out and beat the tenant can he?

OR

Found another way to get water for herself and her kids. When the man comes back and sees water in the jerrycan and asks she can say she fetched it outside.

OR

Take her bath in the neighbors or a friends house like someone here suggested.

BUT NO.
as Oga was marching out of the compound she marched to her friends house and stubbornly collected the gen to pump water even as Oga had expressly told her NOT to do so.
She knew she was inviting trouble but she went ahead and did it to see if Oga will do anything.

Now Oga has played his last card and we are screaming 'demon'.

Let me make it clear that I pity the woman.
No woman should be treated like that.
But she knows the kind of man she married.
She could have easily avoided the situation but she didn't .

Stubborn.

Stubborn women can turn men who were kind enough to finance their education in the past into demons.
It doesn't just spontaneously happen.

If you still don't get what I'm trying to say then its OK. Ignore this post and read the next one instead.

cococandy:
Explain biko.
Does the pet name you call your husband or wife decide how people treat them?

So if I call mine honey or baby. And outsiders will treat him like a baby or lick him like honey?


I'd agree if you say the way one treats their partner opens doors to how others treat them.
But if na pet name, onlookers know to mind their business regarding what married folks call each other.

Lol!