₦airaland Forum

Saraha1: You people should stop posting scaring marriage issue here . Are you scaring us from getting married? Ha- ha, every time husband this my husband that does it mean that the women are saint?

You people should stop making it look as if men are the devil, while in actual fact is we the woman that start the trouble




I rest my case.

Are you married?

Not saying women are saints though

Sorry, but will ask; what signals were there before marriage?

OP said they prayed together et al, only they had sex which they are both to blame. She did not complain of catching him with other women or being uncaring etc before marriage but changed after marriage except you are sayong all men who engage in pre martial sex will be bad husbands which you know it's not true

@OP: I woul have said the issue is mild but him posting pictures of his dick to FB friends shows things are happening or about to happen. Find out more about his cheating or not first to help you know how to handle thr situation.

If he is not, check yourself to see if you have changed over four years and try to make amends. Also concentrate on getting a job, it would help a lot and keep your mind busy and have less time for reading meaning into every situation.

If he is cheating, handle as you like

And please note that sex is not romance

Mintayo: Wow,i am impressed this is coming from a woman,most ladies,especially the proud ones,lol,won't agree with you.
Marriage is lovely,there is nothing to be scared of,the problem is not marriage itself,the real problem is the individuals involve!
In the case of this thread,i will blame the Op. The signals were there,yet she ignored them,now she is paying the price!
I am totally against divorce,no matter,i have seen and heard worse that can happen in a marriage,and i don't see divorce as an option! I pray God will have mercy on the Op and her family and gives her the wisdom needed to do the right thing and overcome this 'trying and testing' time!

Congrats, ladygogo

God bless your home

You can't try this if you are in Naija especially if you are the first daughter or only daughter

I argued with my mom so tey I tire and just let her be God bless her

i like the idea of cutting on hair, the dress, make up etc. It is very pointless spending so much on them.

Yorubas even have this hand cut we use for our trad; it is very expensive and after that day, it is useless

I got a very beautiful lace for mine I can still nack anytime, got my gown and shoes from aliexpress; got my hubby's colleague to make up for me.

Abegi, there is still a home to build

Your pictures are very beautiful.

Nashville: Chinekem eeehh!

Wetin I do?

@OP:

Speechless for now

Okika,

LOL!

What a sweet appreciation of your wife.

Okijajuju1: [b]Lol...

Because you marry KFC husband, now we Pounded Yam Husbands no sabi wetin love be abi?



Anyways:: Lemme flip the script: OP, forgive me.

I thank my wife for spotting simple little me in a world full of giants and finding me worthy to give her all to in humble submission for the rest of her life.

I am not a perfect man, I have never been, but everytime she looks at me, I feel like I am the King of the whole world.

A strong woman who melts like butter in my arms. A woman whose love for me I have never had cause to doubt. A woman whom I believe would lay down her life for me. And this is why I promise to love her till it is impossible to do so. Thats why I strive everyday to be the Man of her dreams. To me, she is everything a REAL Woman should be and sometimes I wonder what I did in my previous life to have been met with such good fortune in this life.

I know that when our kids come, they would have one of the best Women in the world as their mother.


I will never give up working towards making sure I remain the best decision of her life.


I have been blessed because you love me.

#Thanks.. [/b]

Chillisauce: I follow you dey thank o. Infact , na church I go dey go every day.
Chineke thanks sir for giving me my heart. Chai. I for dey kitchen now dey pound pounded yam

LOL!

He is a Nigerian but not a 'Nigerian' husband You know what I mean

God forbid all these 'This is Africa' type of husbands for our unmarried family members

Can you blame them?

What do you think when a girl grows up in such environment? A girl saw her mother cheated on, beaten and yet she is seen to have a successful marriage.

Why should the girl's own be different?

bellong: Some of those ladies experiencing chaos in their marriages cannot be pitied. Some were warned against marrying the evil they call husband but emotions and selfishness blocked their sense of reasoning. They have to live up to the consequences of their myopic choice.

That is not to downplay some who made innocent mistakes. However, my experiences with females show that majority of them never listened to good counsels till their eyes are opened.

babygirlfl: That's so touching. It is sweet to believe it when your husband says I love you.

Thanks dearie

He always prays that God give him ways to love me more.

I know I am so blest

cococandy: You're courting trouble
So Nigerian guys can't love heh?

Nor mind me

He is a full blooded Naija guy but different.

Nice onr

@OP:

Thank you God for giving me a non-Nigerian husband

The 1st Cor 13: 4-8 type

Taught me what love really means.

Everything you open your mouth to say you love me, I know it's true

I love you so much

babygirlfl: Yes there are many bad husbands. We talk about how horrible some husbands are that we sometimes forget to celebrate the good husbands. So today, I just thought it would be nice to celebrate our dear husbands. the good husband, the understanding husband and the caring husband.

To my husband,

Like a breadth of fresh air, you came into my life. You gave me strength and showed me with love. Faithfulness flows in your vein and gratefulness is what I feel for you. You are so precious to me. You are my husband, my companion , my best friend and the best husband in this world. I love you so much

bellong: Is he about 10years older than you?



In the voice of the ETT crew, that is an end time husband

Bellong,

If you know what the average wife pass through say them marry?

Leave story for mathaias

If you talk now, you be feminist

I will open a thread later

bellong: Tell me this is a joke....

I know of someone who was cleaning the house and hubby still sent her to buy beverage that he wanted to drink tea.

@OP,

Tell him in a calm manner you don't like it if you have issues with it

Rihanna wore it better

Until all married men face their families, single guys face their front or relationships and campus girls learn contentment, it is a vicious circle that will never stop

MzMariah: My neighbour also beats his wife, its almost like an everyday thing now. Yesterday I told my mum that one day the woman will collapse because the rate at which he beats her, sometimes he beats her from night till morning. Its really sad.

Let your neighbour get her brothers or some guys to beat her husband to default settings.

His brain will come back to normal.

@OP:

They like it,
They want it,
They were trained to accept it
They need it

egopersonified: forget all they type here ohh, I have dubbed it nairaland pride and ego, when you see them offline, they are as humble as they come, they just come to nl to let out that recessive gene in them.

I think I agree with you because if it is like this in real life, wahala dey!

There is nobody been burnt by fire that will look on

The day the women feel it's enough, they will naturally know what to do.

It is basic instinct

Please feel no pity for them.

Have a speedy recovery

God bless you and hubby

carefreewannabe: Yet, no European will try to cross the ocean an risk his or her life to live in Africa. Not even a SINGLE European will risk his or her life to live in Nigeria.

LOl!

I find funny the average Nigerian only sees the bad in the west and yet will do all o get there.

See people giving testimonies in churches & mosques daily that they have gotten visa. Was just pondering on the same issue this afternoon.

P.S.: The fact that we have 'less' divorces does not make our marriages any better

carefreewannabe: It is sad we have women like this. I have just been arguing with a woman who has an income but belives the man has to pay all the bills

I weep for our daughters.

I am a feminist in the sense that women should have the same social, political and economic rights. I HAVE NOTICED that women are VERY OFTEN part of the problem and not the solution.

I do not hate men. I do not want to eat my cake and have it.

Gbam!

100% correct.

You also see rude, tactless and classless people hiding under feminism

Decryptor: Good! So you see...you are definitely not one of them as you say which I do not doubt but how do you intend to lead a feminist crusade with a bunch of women that exhibit such traits that I mentioned as followers and adherents when they form almost 85% of the women population in the Nigerian Society? Wouldn't you rather take it upon yourself to change that statusquo and create a modification in that perception that for them as women to succeed, they need stand up and work for their way up to the ladder of success without being dependent on a man and relying on him as a meal ticket...only then will it be said that you have created an enabling environment for feminism and women empowerment to thrive. Cos like you said, you do not share that same trait but sadly, the Nigerian female population is filled with such category of women both in the high and low cadre of the society. Like they say, only a blind man can can be king in the land of the blind. You cannot put the cart before the horse.

I am wondering why a woman should do all these when she thinks she is not equal to a man.

I will agree with you that an average Nigerian woman is not ripe for such because like you rightly said, they want the privileges without responsibilities.

I will keep wondering how men & women equal = not helping people in need or even for helping sake. Taking equality&feminism aside, I help all around me when I can. I help guests carry their luggage, help people in buses, help people in the neighbourhood, hold doors for colleagues coming after me (men & women), pull out seat for people when they need it etc. I certainly do not live my life with I am equal with a man/feminist so when I pull the seat today, he must pull it tomorrow or I do 1 today, he must do 2 tomorrow

I believe people should differentiate between feminism or lack of and unhappy relationships. If I am not happy with my husband or a bad wife, I will not be willing to do stuffs for him even if I feel I am a second fiddle to him. I know women who will slap you if you tell them you are a feminist/equal and yet will do things to their hubbys I can never dream of. If you are happy with your spouse, you will always seek their good feminism or not.

Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies aimed at defining, establishing, and defending a state of equal political, economic, cultural, and social rights for women
[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminism\[/url]

As for the OP, I am not too familiar with Chidinma Adichie's 'feminism' so I can't really be a judge

freshdude2: Of course na. One even asked if that's how I killed my father.

I just had to quote this...

LOL!

What was your reply?

@OP:

Trust the average Nigerian to see what they want to see even if they are dangling it in front of them

If the harsh/strict punishment has been working, our society will not be as it is except we all are saying that our society is morally upright. Afterall, our politicians, armed robbers, ritualists etc. are all products of the society (Maybe they are all the unbeaten/kids with lenient parents)


The average Nigerian does not train a kid anyways, we are more into the curative thing. When he child has almost gone bad, then we start beating like animals to salvage them.

Am not saying that beating is not sometimes needed; but we should learn to train our kids starting by the way we live our lives as parents. If we lie, steal, cheat, are unfaithful, refuse to uphold family values, maltreat our workers, are irresponsible etc and still think we can bring up 'good children' by flogging or been 'strict', then we are in for a long thing.

I challenge us to be worthy parents before we think of raising up worthy children

coogar: to cut the long story short....we are saying the same thing.

Just had to step in @ this point:

He is talkinh of the legal wives of these men and not road side women.

Some of these women are seriously pressured by their husbands/in-laws to have more kids even when the men are not measuring up

ihedinobi2: Thanks for endorsing me But I only shared someone else's work which I found useful. I didn't author that work.

Actually, there are "soulmates", but, like he said, they are made not born. I would add that it isn't just one person that can be made into your soulmate. There are lots of people out there whose lives resonate with yours so if the first and second and third don't work out for some reason, you will find a fourth, a fifth, a sixth and so on. I personally would define a potential soulmate as someone who can share your life, your goals, dreams, hopes and ambitions. Only people who can enter your experience that easily can really spend every moment with you even when the chips are down because they "get it".

And the cool thing is that they are not hiding under rocks or in the bellies of fishes. They surround us because having the same desires and goals and passions as we do, they generally are in the same or similar pursuits with us and will undoubtedly cross our paths from time to time. That has been my experience, at least.

The mistake that popular culture makes is its concept of a soulmate. It is generally a sexüal concept. If someone triggers your hormones (or what people like to call emotions) in a particular way it means that they are your soulmate and every other thing will work itself out. Needless to say, that is wholly silly.

Second, if marriage were to itself be hard work, its purpose would be defeated, would it not? Imagine that a business partnership requires so much work to keep together, would any work be done by that partnership on anything else? Or if an army unit spends all of its resources trying to establish and maintain cohesion, is it possible to also carry out missions successfully? Marriage was meant to make the work of life easier for the people involved. So if the two spend the whole time trying to work out, they will accomplish very little together. It doesn't make sense that marriage should be hard. The first year can be because that is when we learn to adjust our expectations of each other and ourselves but after that we should have begun to work more and more fluidly.

I am so sorry that that happened to you. Many people are caught in that kind of trouble. Today's world is very badly confused.

I actually believe that anyone can be married if they want but people should be sure that they want to be.

@bolded, I quite agree

I do not understand the marriage is 'hardwork' concept

The OP is nice

aisha2: Una no dey tire? Chai!!!!!!! How many topics on this issue?
Why do you care so much what a bunch of strangers think?

Go and do your head in your home and leave others to do what they believe in nah. Haba. My mother used to say any man who needs to scream his headship or shout "I am a man " "I am a man " so much is trying to over compensate for some private deficiencies eg a tiny pen-is.

Aisha!

Hmmm

Should we do a check on dem all? LOL!

@OP:

You compare a husband-wife relationship to mother-child's?

It is well

Tallesty1: After an analytical survey, I have come to realise that most women do not understand what marriage is about. This misinformed set of people think that marriage is love and laughter, flowers, jewels, pampering and a life made forever beautiful. They imagine living with a benignant man that will forever shower them with gifts, favours and surprises. They believe there is going to be alota romance, sexx, sexx and plenty of sexx. But fact is, marriage as such does not exist. Nothing is forever beautiful.

Alot of married women ended up disappointed after their marriage simply because the life they imagined exists only in their imagination. Their expectation for love and romance was too much. Some turn down genuine husbands because they want to fall in love first. As stupid as they are, they have fail to realise that love is indefinable. What they think is love is just a momentary nice feeling.

I don't really need that type love in my marriage, I prefer friendship and Lust. Love is a nice feeling, I know but it has done alot of harm, broken many hearts and taken lives to the extent that I now need an alternative

It is hilarious when women talk about being equal, or man being the head and women being the neck or some other part of the body. I don't need a marriage where someone is the head and the other person is the neck. That is really not necessary. Why fight for position when it is just us? We have different responsibilities in this partnership and she needs me as much as I need her.

What I want is very simple, picture this to understand me.

Two soldiers are out in a battle field, fighting side by side, dealing with whatever may come their way. They got each others back. This is what I call marriage. They don't have to look back because they each trust the person there.

The enemies in marriage might be sickness, bad times, foes, poverty or even death but still in it, watching each others back, fighting with everything in them and If the bond is a strong one, then neither of them will have to face the foes alone. True love is not seen in Romeo and Juliet that died together but in Grandpa and Grandma that grow old together.

The good times we shall enjoy together and endure the hard times together because we are determined to make it work.

Beautiful piece I must say especially the bolded

I don't agree with the lust part though

funny topic?

Love & cheat?

The husband /wife kiss, off cloth, smooch, lie down/hang/sit up, shift/remove pant & boxers, put p inside v and not in any stage does the 'love' speak?

Na waya

The way some people plan it sef will make an armed robber's preparation look like child's play to shame

Despite the balanced view of the OP, you could not resist reverting to your default settings

@ OP:

It takes God's grace and we keep growing daily

A better definition of love is 1st Cor 13: 4 - 8

shizzleStar: Ok, that's good enough. I also do not indulge in gender bashing, i simply handle individual issues as they come

That said, i strongly believe that any woman who truly values the essence of family life would submit to her husband. Submission should not be in isolation, it is expected that men should also treat their wives with love, and i strongly hold this view. Both should as a matter of fact respect the other, instead of one party acting and behaving as if he/she is doing the other a favour by getting married to him/her irrespective. Any marriage with such mindset is headed for the rocks.

My problem with some women however is that some misinterpret being submissive as being subjected to domestic violence and its a shame. Submission does not equate absorbing domestic torture and physical abuses. I say so cos its not difficult to see supposedly learned women quickly relating submission to domestic violence.

That you should be submissive to you partner does not mean you should endure all sorts of domestic abuses from your husband. I am personally against marital violence, better a woman walks out of marriage than continue to endure constant battery from a supposed husband.

'Some' women however need to get off their high horse, the fact that a lady has attained a certain level of financial/social status doesn't mean she should want to be the head and neck at the same times. That's what a lot of women are finding hard to contend with. We have exemplary woman in Nigeria today despite climbing up the ladder of success and national prominence still respect their husbands cos they value marriage, case study late Dora Akunyili, Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, Oby Ezekwesili etc to name a few.

In a nutshell, women submit to your husbands no matter how highly placed you are. Submission doesn't mean you will lose your respect. If anything, its a sign of respect, dignity and honour on your part, and you stand nothing to lose if you submit to man you claimed to love and married.

I don preash finish, 'tanku don menshun'!

coogar: why can't we have the best of both worlds? how come the flashy ones rarely have a good head on their shoulders? is it a curse?



it's self-explanatory.....
it means my husband must pay for my fairytale wedding by hook or crook. God forbid a situation where she would be the one to pay for "her own" fantasies. she could contribute a small portion but the burden must rest on the husband's shoulders.

I thought you said a man must finance his home alone and how will he prove his manliness if he can't sponsor the wedding alone?

Such women are not for Commander in Chief of the armed forces like you

@Aisha, good one.