₦airaland Forum

freshdude2: It might not be easy or simple doesn't mean there are no situations where it would be easy/simple, in the end, we're only speculating on this thread and as TV said, every case should be handled on its own merit. I'm certain there are scenarios where the man would/would not be justified for leaving. Also, as TV said, for the sake of the child, a proper father figure would of immense benefit. So, even if dude is broke as hell, he's still good enough for something.
This issue tends to be messy/complicated anyway. To each their own.

freshdude2: Per my stand, I don't think anybody should be forced to care for an unwanted child. However, I would, seeing as I am the planter, it's only fair and responsible that I groom my offspring.

freshdude2: Because they don't want their mind poisoned by the extremely negative advice that emanate from this section. If many people on this thread applied such "academic" advice in their marriages, thousands would be long divorced. No be for dis section wey tolerance na taboo?! There's a thread on here about "first years of marriage", where posters gave testimonies of their first year of being married and the whole getting-to-really-know-each-other phase and how tasking it was. Going by their comments on that thread, had they brought their issues to nairaland at that period at least 90% would be divorced now or worse. Abeg, leave dem where dem dey.

naijababe: I disagree, choosing to carry to term may not be a simple and easy decision as being made out. But i do agree that she should carry her cross if she does without the man's consent and the man should stay invincible for good too.

freshdude2: Yet, you're the one conjuring up scenarios that would make its best scriptwriters go green with envy!
And I have seen absentee parents getting love and care. That doesn't mean either scenario happens everyday.


And many absentee parents have reconcile with estranged offspring.

True in both cases

I believe my stance is very well documented on this thread.

Sorry I have not been active from the onset

It's her body she can do as she pleases but bears the consequences of her decisions, alone.

Unless she has another nigga waiting in the wings to take up fatherly duties, the child and the seed-planter are better served if she evacuates the foetus/baby/child/blob-of-tissue. If she insists on carrying to term she is more selfish than the fabled tortoise. Who gains if she carries to term apart from her? In fact, now that I think about it, the child should hang her by the neck once it's of age.

Do what they gotta do.

Well, disagree to agree

I do not believe in willful abortion

traware: There are some states which have more males and less females attending school while others have higher rates of females and lower number of males attending school.Thereby,the difference in cut-off marks for both gender in certain states.Simple logic you don't understand but if it concerns your feminism crap,you'll be shouting up and down this forum

coogar: what is selfish in terminating a blob of cells? why carry it to term when there's no money to take care of the baby properly?


how is abortion & miscarriage fit into sex & räpe analogy? can a woman räpe herself? which yeye conscience? where was that conscience when she was fücking premaritally? it's ok to fornicate but wrong to abort? if it's an armed robber that rapëd a woman & she gets pregnant, would she keep it cos she has a "conscience"?




take my e-handshake!

TV01: coogar you have both time and patience - and more interestingly hope?

Where abortion is legal and there is not even a marriage covenant between the two, there is simply no recourse for the man if he wants the baby and the woman doesn't. This is regardless of his ability or willinglness to provide for the offspring.

If the woman wants the baby and the man doesn't, he has no recourse if she insists in keeping it. She also has the right to insist he takes responsibility regardless of his willingness or ability. In many instances, she is able to keep him from the child - essentially enforcing his responsiblity and denying his rights

It's rights for women and responsibilities for men. That is matriarchy. Women having the choice of being being sexually unrestrained, with men bearing the cost of the womans choices. Reproduction comes at a cost and men typically fund it. The main difference between patriarchy and matriarchy is that with the former men get rights with their responsibilities, but with the latter they are without incentive, therfore forced.

Like I said, I don't swim in such waters. I still believe men should take responsibility, but not devoid of rights. In countries where matriarchy truly holds sway, a woman can have a child without a fathers input as it will be fully funded by the state. But the state gets it's money from men, as they typically produce the excess required. Men have always funded children. Directly or indirectly. With or without rights.

And I must make a mention to feminism to enliven my votaries ! Feminism knows and has pushed this. Ironically, where it has reached it's fullness, the only men who benefit are those who are prepared to be deadbeat dads. They get to keep a harem of "state" funded baby mamas, essentially paid for by productive men.

But you can't beat natural and bilogical imperatives. Children suffer that lack of a true fatherly presence. And as the men get savvier, there aren't enough of the type of men women really want willing to commit to them.

The best men (who are in short supply) get the highest value women. The long throats and the unattractive get left out, stuck with betas (in relationships that don't last or aren't really happy). Or become second, third etc. wives or baby mamas.

They fill this place out, the bitter divorcees, pained older singles and single parent household champions. Matriarchy basically cheapens sex with devastating results. Patriarchy (where properly instituted) put constraints on the sexual behaviour of both sexes and means flourishing well-ordered societies. Men build civilisations not women.

Don't swim in them dirty waters. Believe in Him and drink from the Living one.


TV

coogar: and then bring an innocent child into the world just to make him suffer. what a selfish decision. all these people owning up to their mistake are the same ones throwing newborns into the gutter or shipping them off into baby-farms.

how noble!!

It is selfish to bring the child to life and try to make a living but it is not selfish to abort and terminate all together?

and what does critical abortion make? what does miscarriage make? what does infant mortality make?

Comparing miscarriage/critical abortion/infant mortality to willful abortion is like comparing rape to consensual sex

You know the difference if you have a conscience

coogar: well, if the child seeks the father & forgives him then there's nothing anyone can do about that. that's the choice of the child. all i am concerned about is people shouldn't be forcefully dragged into a venture they never wanted from the outset - it's very selfish.



agreeing with which woman? what stopped the woman from agreeing with him to terminate the child in her belly? surely, a guy that ran away must have told her he's not ready to be a dad. if she insisted then it's her cross to carry.



i rebuke this!
pap for my child? i'd rather wait till i am ready instead of feeding my baby crap quality nutrients. i will wait even if it means 200 abortions before i am financially stable to marry & make a baby in marriage.



we all want different things in life - some people love poverty. i will not let a selfish woman drag me 20 steps backwards! thank heavens for the kinda women i have been with - they want more in life than prodding the doors of poverty!

coogar: they are - but the courts have screwed them up to start paying child support for kids they don't even get to see in some cases.




he never denied the child was his or forced her to take abortion. he only ran away which is understandable as he wasn't financially strong enough to take the responsibility then.

The lady never mentioned financial burden and you know that. She said he did not want to marry an Ibo woman but wants half-Ibo kids. He's not financially strong yet poor man have 10 kids in one room with their wives and have a sense of responsibility towards the kids. What stopped him for agreeing with the woman before going to source for greener pastures in the 'city?' Don't be surprised he found out he was impotent that's why he came back for them

It is not even about the money for me as I stated in my first post on this thread; if the man is 'poor', he can still afford ogi (pap) right? or use napkins instead of diapers? Ori instead of Johnson products etc.

Even in his poor state, he can be a good father if he wants to. I have seen a man who took his kids around in his "keke" with them munching beans balls (akara) like no tomorrow.


when women decide to carry the baby to term, is it that they expect the poor bloke to do money rituals & become rich to start taking his responsibility? can your husband buy a big car on hired purchase in your name & then use the court to force you to start paying monthly on a car you aren't interested in?

See the bolded above. Money is not everything


which yeye grown people? where were they when she was doing 4 jobs to keep food on the table? where were they when the man signed court papers that said he's no longer the father of the child? the woman should just make photocopies of the court documents and distribute to the grown people begging for forgiveness.

I haff heard. If the affected person comes to NL, you coogar will start saying that the child is better off with the dad

until the day he's called a bastärd on the playground or in a beer parlour joint. that is when you will know khaki isn't leather.

Na today? Even people with fathers are called bastards

coogar: i agree with this point. it's her body & she gets to decide what & what not to do. by the same token, it's my wallet & i shouldn't be forced to pay for what i was never interested in from the outset. since women can't be forced to have an abortion if they don't want to, men shouldn't be forced to pay child support when they don't want to.

that's the fair deal!




any father that comes back after the woman worked hands & knees to raise that child into a successful individual should be tied to a stake & burnt alive - he's an infidel that wants to reap where he didn't sow.

a woman that wants to keep the baby should drag her partner to court to sign documents that relieve him off parental rights towards that child. if possible, she should get digital images or even a video clip as well. men shouldn't reap where they didn't sow.

that is the fair deal!

fellis: Are you seeing something?
Now we want to start another argument about how men totally deserve to come back and claim paternity for kids they abandoned and rejected. The same people will never cease to make noise about how girls should not look for 'made men' for marriage because it's wrong to reap where you didn't sow.
Abeg am trying to shed my man hate, make I commot for this thread before I relapse

coogar: report to the police after the deed had been done? so what will police do? bring the baby back to life?



there's no action any guy can take. the baby is in the woman's body. how can anyone even prove she did any abortion? if she claims she miscarried, what would prove otherwise? in countries where abortion is legal nko? what can the guy do? call angel michael?



no, he shouldn't be forced
he's not ready financially & mentally to cater for him. he is not ready to starve an innocent child that was dragged into the world by a self-centred mother. the dragger should take care of her product.




nothing is hidden under the sun. it takes a moment of drunkenness from someone that knew your story to spill to the child. you could be caught!



who is angry? i said the child himself would chop your head off. what's it gotta do with the father? he doesn't even know the mother still exists. he's gone forever but every child seeks to know their father no matter how high or low the status of the father is.

fellis: Whose going to chop me head off and whose going to tell the child I lied?
Don't worry it will be a closely guarded secret
On another note, I have no idea why this is now an issue.
If you reject a child before it is born and decide to do nothing about its upbringing until it becomes an adult why would you then get angry when you're told to stay away and not come back to reap where you didn't sow?

coogar: and your neck might get chopped off the day the child finds out you lied to him.



of course, she's selfish! two people consented to have unprotected sex, it's logical that those two people must agree in principle on what to do with the consequences of the unprotected sex.


if she says abortion & the man says no - will she listen to him? no! she would do everything possible to get rid & claim miscarriage - and that right there is the hypocrisy we have been highlighting since page one. women can't have it both ways

fellis: Long story. Just tell the child that the father is dead.

red101: I pity the children involved in this.

freshdude2: Funny. Perhaps, you really haven't grasped the workings of the human mind and emotion, it naturally yearns for reconciliation and catharsis. Where you see a betrayal, a child could see a life of torture meted by its mother by intentionally bringing it into a world where there'd be inadequate love and the constant thought of rejection. Perhaps, the child should avenge its mothers selfishness? Life isn't really about what favours women or what women assume favours them. Like Baby12 said, why bring a child into the world when the "father" would have no part in it's existence?

SangoCrusader: I thought of this actually and realized that a man can eat his cake here. How many adopted and single-parented kids yearn to know who their real parents are. He could easily abandon the child who will come looking for his/her father when he/she is grown up... In other words, avoid the painful child rearing period but enjoy parental privileges after the child is all grown up. I have actually seen several of these cases first hand

Chillisauce: Sometimes is good, but when it becomes every day, then...

alutacontinua: I think she is being manipulated.
For a 27-year old though, maybe 'manipulation' is not the exact word to use
It's just really sad that in this day and age, a woman would comfortably subject herself to such treatment.
but as you said, she knew what she wanted and went for it. What else can I say?

Ashkormissy: So u implying dat she copies anoda artist, ryt? Eva heard of plagiarism? Nd wen she starts to look nd sound lyk bey, den dey start a feud btw fans of both stars? Look, evry celeb has deir own signature nd ah bliv riri in pulling off ha own jst fyn!

alutacontinua: I laughed out really loud here
I really feel for a sister out there

Ashkormissy: Make she learn wetin frm pesin mama wey no giv respect to mamahood? Ah dnt tink beyounce is any beta miss, nd incase u avnt noticed, riri doesnt seem to c beyounce as her 'elder sister'

Chillisauce: Eating right.

After morning exercise, drink about 1 or 2 cups of water( it's actually easier to practice this when you exercise than when you just woke up). Bath, then a quick breakfast. The exercise plan will come later.

A standard three meal plan followed. Breakfast, try making it light, always tea or coffee to go with maybe baked egg and bread. Stop eating noodles, fried yam, fried plantain, etc except you are doing a menial job. Trust me, you don't need those extra calories .
I rarely do Orange juice in the mornings. My tea is enough liquid to keep going. Any other heavy breaki keeps you dull through out the day, except weekends, you might try oat meal, or other favorite.

Noon, eat whatever you like but in proportion. veggies and meat is about 70% of total meal, while carbo makes about the remaining 30%. For soft drink, take water or juice. Coke sometimes but just half a glass.

Coffee at end of meal to keep you awake .

Dinner, serve healthy meal. Try diff veggies, ugu, spinach, beans , unriped plantain . Just remember to serve in portion. Make a routine of eating with your complete cutlery on the table. you consume less when you eat with cutlery and people than when you sit and eat in front of the Tele.



To be cont. Bed time. ,