₦airaland Forum

Phema: Will you get out of my head?!

Phema: I honestly do not know why some people think human beings can't/don't change. People do change! Or at least pretend as long as possible to get married. Reason our elder ones say; marriage is a wrapped parcel, whatever you see inside, you take.

Op to your question, i assume you're talking about him not caring financially, emotionally, chores and otherwise. . . I will do nothing (that is after I must have used every necessary measure to make him see reason). I will then know I'm alone in that marriage. Employ domestic help to help out with the chores and work my as$ out to cater for my kids financially.

I won't be divorcing. But we are sure gonna live like strangers in that house. The marriage will be as good as over in my head.

MrRenaissance: My respect for you just shot up right now. This is what I'm talking about. He's teaching only the male and leaving the female, invariably making the niece to be dependent on men in future and never believing she can work for herself and provide for herself. I weep for the mentality of my country. it's so sad.

PAGAN9JA: abi do u wan manage his account now?


y u bringing ur personal problems here on this thread. kindly send him a mail and request his password.

Then u can change his name, signature or whatevr.


He is a Fulani man first and then a Nigerian. how hard is that to comprehend?

PAGAN9JA: He probably wants to display it only to his fellow FUlani people.

Ok

and to show everyone that he is Fulani .

Who cares? If his username was not Fulaman198 or so, I would not have known it was Fulani there

His username is actually doing a better job

In retrospect, that is why Nigeria is where it is .

He is not a Nigerian but a Fulani man

PAGAN9JA: Cuz you wont understand Hausa or Fulfulde.

zeongeon: Yes I will do my best possible to pass it to my kids and to men around me..I have even started with my nephew by teaching him to Lead by example through honesty, discipline and intergrity, teaching him to Provide by sharing his snacks with his baby sister and also to Protect by standing up for his sister at school if she is faced with bullying.

ihedinobi2: For the sake of productive conversarion, do tell, to what should respect be tied?

ihedinobi2: Like I said to him, be careful with your assumptions. I asked him that question as a way to ascertain how he knows that any wife who earns more than her husband continues to respect him anyway. It was not the declaration of any kind of opinion.

ihedinobi2: How is she encouraging women to be lazy and clingy? How do you know that Omotola respects her husband or even really brings in more than he does? Do you live with them? Do they share their financial records with you? Does your wife earn more than you and still respect you?

Let's be careful with assumptions, shall we?

dBard: Reading dis , even as a guy, was just painful.
Women dey try sha...selling ur pride n dignity as a woman cos of wat she mistakes as love...refer t d Bible f d def of love at dis point.
Was jst telling someone tday dat cos of dier inability/unwillingness t stand on their own 2 feet or take responsibility f dier actions , women r more prone t tolerate abuse now.
I feel sorry f ur wife..n want t make it clear t u ,U DoNot love her. She's more like a pet , trained t accomodate d whims of d owner n appreciated f dat reason. She has been specially groomed by u , like a bad habit, like an addict, she's bin made a slave t ur attentions...
That Is Not love.

Btw , u do not Try t stop cheating, u just do.

If u Truly love ur wife, make her happy

#justsaying

Drone007: Women do all these to men these days and still call men monsters. More like men are now endangered species!

BABE3: What do you consider as "nothing"? In your household, doing nothing can mean "watching football". In my household watching football is doing something.

If my husband is watching a game and I'm multitasking, that means he doesn't love me? You're reaching.

BABE3: Even if the other partner can't handle the chores.
Read phema and damiso's posts. Can we then conclude that their husbands are lazy/wicked?

Have you considered the husband's schedule? Have you considered if the husband has advised the woman to get help?


Everything about marriage shouldn't be a war. "Chores" is too small an issue to be tagging people names like lazy and wicked.

damiso: Bukatyne talking from the perspective of someone who has OCD like tendencies that might not always be the case.Let me give you practical examples from my own home where hubby helps with chores cooks and can singlehandedly take care of the kids.

I am a bit of a clean freak and I can't stand things out of place or any form of dirt.Take for example dirty plates if I go to bed with dirty plates in the sink I could wake up at 3am cos they keep popping into my subconscious. Until recently I used to mop my floors wash toilet and bath every two days.While my hubby helps me out sometimes he actually watches me and says "God will not let you kill yourself because I can't see any dirt on this floor you are mopping now did we not just mop it 2 days ago " while shaking his head.Sometimes he will say leave the plates I will do them tomorrow morning I want to watch football . Next thing I am there doing them myself after I just finished probably cooking a large quantity of food.By your last statement he must be wicked/lazy but really I am the one with the issues .I need to learn to take a chill pill (which I am learning by the way with the help of my son ) but really he would sort the plates the next morning if only I let him.


So like I said different home dynamics. Not all men who do not do chores are wicked

bukatyne: On a serious note,
Only a lazy/wicked spouse looks on when the other can't handle or needs to multitask stuffs It goes both ways

bukatyne: On a serious note,
Only a lazy/wicked spouse looks on when the other can't handle or needs to multitask stuffs
It goes both ways

BABE3: Even if the couple is okay with the arrangement ? Must it be one size fits all?

Billyonaire: He impregnated you.

He ran away.

Hardly calls.

You cater for your kid alone.

Another man wants to marry you and take care of the son of the run away man and you are confused.

Confused if your son will be happy, that you left a run away father, who never calls, even when another man will raise him and love you.

You need structural mental adjustment.

I am sure you know what my advise is.

aisha2: I wonder about this always. The "Real African Woman" Picture or " Sweet Mother" is usually one who is carrying plenty fire wood and backing a child with and carrying another belle. Put up a picture like that you would see comments of "awwww, wow, sweet mother, God bless her" God forbid that the picture of a woman be one who is accomplished, smiling and enjoying a spa day, a lot of people would have a heart attack and comments like " Lazy Fake modern day women" forget the fact that she may earn a million a day, employ thousands of people, have a successful respectful marriage and raise kick ar-se kids, as long as she is not pictured suffering she is not a "sweet mother"

alutacontinua: This whole helping with chores thing depends on the dynamics of the marriage.
some men make it as clear as crystal from the days of dating that they cannot do no chores, both in actions and words. It'll be totally unfair to expect this to change after marriage. As far as an african man is concerned, and I'm tryna be real here, most women would do themselves a lot of good if they don't 'expect'. If he helps, FINE! If he doesn't, talk to him about it. If he's not willing to change, FIND ANOTHER SOLUTION! Men are not too wired to be mixing maggi and onions or mopping house all day.

njokusboy: . I choose to look at it from a logical perspective....

njokusboy: . Aborting a blob of cell is better than birthing a child one cannot take care of... Nd increasing the number of armed robbers, kidnappers, touts and boko harams in the world....

coogar: yes, i agree with you.
birthing has directly guided her footsteps into american prison. one more black child that will be raised by the system and end up in a prison to keep the vicious cycle ever revolving.

birthing is so much better!

coogar: i don't believe that story one jot! even if it's true, it's an isolated case. a woman just got arrested as she deliberately left her baby in a train station. she will go to jail because she thought like you that birthing the child is better than having an abortion. she's one of millions of women who sell their babies at birth or throw them in a river.

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look at her donkey-face. she even looks like a feminist NLer that used to post on this section. i won't be surprised she's the one. big head, no brains.

onegig: Which cave do all these people really come from? I have never seen someone as sick as you guys. Some people need to be thrown into a mental home. Can anyone spot the difference between Hitler, Abacha etc.. who loved to see people in pains, dominate, control and call all the shots and these set of uselesss men i can see on this thread?

There's a wide difference between cheating because of one or more reason and deliberately doing it and still having the effontery to come yell their rubbish in here and tell people not to judge them. This is more sicker and grim than anything i have ever read in my life.

I don't blame you. I blame the stupid ladies we find around nowadays who lack no single pint of self esteem and would follow any wacko around all because she wants to answer Mrs and have a little comfort. Please what happened to making your own Damn money? Did they curse you from home that you would never succeed and you would need to latch on to a guy to be able to get on in life? What happened to having an identity, an ideology of yours? What happened to self respect? Y'all ladies should please get a brain. It's already OVER sickening with all these stories.

coogar: 99% of the men i know will not perform if there's no money. they will rather die. it seems you revel watching men wallow in acute poverty while starting a family. 99% of the men on the planet won't kowtow such cos of their egos!!

remove shoes cos the son didn't have one is just a fairy tale. who sent him message to sire a child he cannot cater for. no wonder there's extreme poverty in Nigeria with people breeding like pigs when they all know the money to raise those kids isn't available.

BananaBender: Just saw it too.


You could laugh??


Very disturbing *shudders*

freshdude2: Any responsible man would consider financial standing. It's not a walk in the park. It's the worst feeling not being able to care for your assignment. Worse still, with a woman who one sees as only good enough for recreation. I'm sure history is replete with sacrificial dads but if they could choose what do you think their choices would be?

freshdude2: Now, you're beginning to check emotion. It is irresponsible to not ensure that what should be recreational sex doesn't lead to procreation. There are condoms and there are pills and there are injections.
If the guy can't afford condoms, what makes a girl think he'll afford diapers?!

freshdude2: I don't quite agree. But the part in bold cracked me up. The point is almost everything is seen through the lens of gender-support these days. When people can be logical and give advice based on merit on every isssue rather than a female/male-solidarity endeavour we'll be getting somewhere, till then....