₦airaland Forum

feedthenation: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh".

Where is the oneness in a marriage if a married lady is not prepared to change from her maiden name to husband's name?

A married lady who is not ready to love, submit and respect her husband is not that will be championing keeping of her maiden name.

Little wonder most marriages are experiencing all sorts of issues.

And where in the quoted scripture did it say that a woman should bear the husband's name?

A man is the one doing the cleaving right?

apolonius: I will not devalue love and its meaning by attempting a definition. I will just give some illustrative lines.

Forget scriptural exigesis. There is a reason why love is not called wisdom,understanding,maturity,capacity to consummate and satisfy the sexual demands of a union. Love is not what buy food and groceries for the home. In short,love is not what buys the asoebi madam wants to wear for her friend Nkiru's wedding.

Yes,love is foundational to a union but not its sustaining superstructure. I will recreate Cardinal Macinkus' saying that the Catholic Church is not ran on 'Hail Mary' alone to say marriage does not survive on love alone.

@Bolded: No worries then

Thought you were a Christian; wanted to bring the definition from the Bible

@OP:

Since you are a 'friend', you should have the details:

Did they discuss this before marriage?

apolonius: I love intelligence,but I like women who know who they are and are true to their convictions.

Love is actually not enough to keep a home,the capacity to selflessly manage each other in affection and patience assures a progressive marriage. A woman who has these as I do or who is willing to build them will be my choice.

Sorry to digress

I always hear that love is not enough to keep a home, please define love

Kanwulia: Because instead of being supportive, you men decide to add insult to injury by being LAAAAAAAAZY and controlling.
In their "LOOZA MENTALITIES", they are quick to forget that SHE who plays the piper chooses the best kind of DANCE!
He would nag too, if he came home to dirty house and children while bringing home the BREAD, SAUSAGE, BACON, BUTTER, TEA, SUGAR AND MILK!

Very very true

damiso: I don't even know why there is a battle in the first place sef but dat na me sha all these gender wars get as e be ojare.i love me my men my naija men at that sef my husband,my son,my father,my brother,my cousins,my Inlaws,friends etc etc All these naija men or naija women are this generalisations esp on NL is just tiresome.I wonder what category people will put their mothers,wives,sisters,cousins ,brothers,fathers,uncles etc if everything had to be judged along gender lines.

I think there are real issues but not as magnified as we have on NL. The same applies to Yoruba & Ibo interactions. The bias is there but people try to act civilized because there is a name to the face.

NL gives the anonymousity needed for people to showcase their hate and prejudice.

Are the tweets in response to the #married women alone?

Please show us the responses to the #married men

I wanna have a good laugh

UjSizzle: I'm fine with everything but this
"This night out thing with the ‘girls’ is really a risky thing you’re doing."

Why is it ok to let him retreat to his man-cave(what's that btw?) and not ok for her to hangout with her girls?

He is a man; you are a woman

Deal with it

aisha2: If this isnt restricted to Nashvile I say Joint / Project account is good but depends on the couple. We had one even before we married because we knew the kind of life we wanted so a percentage of both incomes goes there and it helps us stay on track and disciplined, no way I can take money out for clothes and shoes, if we want a new car, we can decide what we want and how long we need to save for it. Its also good to have security money when health challenges or unforseen circumstances come its always good to know you have money you can count on

Thanks aisha2

I wanted to ask a specific question.

On a second thought, will send you a PM later

MissMeiya: My dear, bottom of the barrel men like to tell themselves women have few options. That's why they behave the way they do.

It is well

Nashville: We had a joint account that is no longer functional. We kinda have different spending habits - me I am a bit calculated in my spending and madam isn't used to that. Not saying I am Ijebu but I can be quite frugal with money.

The important thing is to set clearly defined investment goals based on your incomes. Once you have those goals defined and you are meeting them - having a joint account or not isn't important.

Wanted to ask some questions about something

Will send you a PM... sending it now

Editted:

Expecting your feedback

RoyalRoy: Men are not scarce?

He he he... I pity you and anyone who believes in your statements

LOL!

And people (men & women) are marrying every week, some even doing multiple wedding ceremonies in a location.

Until women start marrying themselves emasse, 'men are scarce holds no water'

If you are now referring quality wise, hmmm you have a point but then again it goes both ways

Hmmm!

Nkan be!

chinziaski: A woman who knows her onion and keeps to it will always find it difficult with men of this day. They find those women hard to crack therefore they chicken out. Many men want submissive women, a woman that will ignore their ills. A woman who will strictly adhere to his rules and face her job of cooking and giving birth. But, lucky is the man who marries these women because on the long run, they get the real fulfillment of marriage. I told a woman about her bill some days back, you know what her reply was "let me tell my husband". Chai! I said "which kind woman be dis?" A woman who knows her onion will sort the problem there without calling her husband but later tell her husband she had taken care of the problem. We find those women who know their onions bossy and very hard to manipulate. So we get scared of the future.

Very correct

@Cococandy: Totally agree with you

But all in all, they are very good and helpful points for marriage. It now depend on both parties to adapt it to suit them. Will definitely be reading from time to time

Nashville, want to discuss something with you but before then, do you and madam do joint account/project account?

Nashville: PT is still looking good and he is about 58.

Anyway good advice. Marriage is not as complex as people make it sound. It all starts by loving yourself and understanding your spouse.

Good advise PT.

But the biggest thing women need to know is the respect part. It cannot be over-emphasized.

You and respect!

I am sure the favorite colour of skirt on your wifey is 'red skirt!' LOL!

@First bolded: 100%. I don't get all these scare tactics.

How are you and family?

This Pastor is easier to listen to

Maybe because he addresses both parties

Editted:

These posts look so gross on my laptop. Actually read them on my phone. OP please modify

Tenk in advance

My white was in quotes

How many black people do you know?

Black kurukuru?

50calibre: That's not true, no 100% black person (regardless of parents skin shade) can look white, probably like a tanned white person, but definitely not white. It's not possible except there's an anomaly somewhere.

There are different shades of black people, but they range from black - very light/fair, not white. Even more than 90% of mixed races individuals (black & white) don't look white.

Besides "black" black people are not in the minority, c'mon that's ridiculous.

They are lighter than Chris Brown

A lot of 'blacks' are fair; there are several shades from black to 'white'

Honestly, black 'blacks' are in the minority

50calibre: Fair enough!! Some black people are naturally of lighter skin tone.

Chris brown a very good example

50calibre: So you mean dark parents gave birth to two white kids & a very dark one?

How about their hair, do they have black kinky hair?

The parents are very fair

Their hair, nose is nigerian

Their last daughter is cholocate.

Where is the OP to give us updates?

It is not always black and white

This is the first time na o

alutacontinua: yes, of course!
Something is wrong with that relationship-and it goes both ways

50calibre: Nah! Not in this case.

You need to see the difference between the two of them, the contrast is so much.

The first and second kids of this my cousin are white not fair. The saving grace are that they look like their dad.

I am talkin of 30+ yrs ago.

Their brother is very black not dark

alutacontinua: I think op should answer this question SINCERELY!
slapping the other in a relationship signifies a big absence of respect in that relationship.
For God's sake, you hit a man that you want to call HUSBAND one day

And the man also hit a woman he wants to call Wife one day

Let us not sensationalize issues

The girl na Jamie bond but then I like it more than a girl crying like a wimp and coming to NL.

I doubt there is any manipulative anything for the girl to have the mind to slap him back.

damiso: These are my exact thoughts...

I would also say are there other red flags I.e controlling manipulative tendencies, emotional blackmail,quick to temper, attitudes towards others esp those less in stature or position etc.I would have said RUN but you retaliating with violence kinda means you both need anger management.Self defence could have stopped at you also giving one slap back impulsively but you doing more was more a retaliatory action.

In all search yourself deeply to see if prior to this there have been red flags that culminated in that slap.

jessybarbie: @bukatyne If after two years he can slap me, do you think we have made enough progress to continue together?

Babe you are putting me on the spot

Two years is both long and short. You cannot everything about your guy and vice versa and different suitations will come up.

Ok, has any of your quarrells in the last 2yrs been as heated as this? And I want you to know you both are growing and the other party as to study continually to on top.

I dated/courted my husband for 7years before marrying in the 8th year so dear, 2yrs is just warming up the car.

And because her broother wasdark, she bleached? Every sibling in a family must the same complexion?

Dude, you can do better

Going by your theory, my cousins must have dipped themselves in bleach cos their brother is very dark or I must have dipped myself in cholocate because I am the darkest in my famiy

50calibre: Black women are now completely absorbed into the world of fakery.

They fake their hair, they fake their skin, they even fake their attitudes, the real black woman is now an endangered specie.

I met a girl few months ago, she was so pale, she could easily pass for a mixed breed or even a Caucasian, then I saw her brother one day, and he was dark as night. I instantly knew her paleness was down to a chemical process.

I must say there's increasing sophistication in the bleaching cream industry. some of these products transform girls so perfectly, you can never tell she was once black.

jojoki: Its so stupid for a woman who is black to be wasting money on tonning cream while a white woman wishes to tane her skin. what a irony of life.

Is the white woman also silly for trying to tan her skin?

Will you hear other whites chantng 'white is beautiful' to her?

An average Nigerian does not even think of self hate when bleaching sef

Well said

Everything blacks do to enhance their beauty is self hate

Bleaching... hmm, very crazy especially people who end up with multicoloured skin tone

I believe an average fair person (especially light brown kai) person is better looking than an average dark person

And Nigerians are extremely delusional

chulla12: Black people are the subjects of social programming and they don't know it. The media attaches racial consciousness into everything Black people do. Why is that?

Why is it that this stigma of "self-hatred" does not follow white people who tan and get implants, dye their hair blonde when natural blondes are a minority in the white population?

Why doesn't this stigma follow Asians who get eyelid surgery, whose ladies marry white men in record numbers?

Why doesn't this stigma follow Indians who practice skin color casting and bleach their skin?

Why doesn't this stigma follow Jews who get nose jobs and straighten their hair?

Why are only black people labelled self-hating? Is there an end-game to this media bombardment? I think that they want to attach this stigma to us to give others reason to label us as ugly and discriminate against us.

I wish Black people would stop allowing our racial obsessions to feed articles like this which destroy our collective self esteem...which is low already.

I just noticed that this article was published in the UK Telegraph...a decidedly biased medium.

@OP:

Had to reread after reading all the comments

Me thinks that the bobo would have beaten you to a pulp if he is an abuser (but again, I do not have the manual of all abusers)

Him begging after you retaliated means he was shocked to his sense and remorseful OR he did not know you have in you (Peak milk things) and his brain went to default settings though I am more inclined to go with the former

I will say you givr him another chance and see how it does. He might truly be repentant.

You should also discuss with an unbiased adult and let him/her advise both of you together

God be with you

donedy: Not all, but the majority of known pedo_philes are gay!

You are kidding right?

There are higher chances of a same sex molestation than different sexes