₦airaland Forum

Sorry about the promotion (I know it can be painful)

I have a very rich imagination/melancoly so I have this idea that if I work /get home ling hours, my weekends would be fixed for family, I will pass up extra stuffs that are not necessary for the job but will aid promotion, I will work smart and remember that work never ends so will learn to let go daily of what I can't control etc.

Hubby is already doing what he can

It is well

damiso: Some sort of sacrifice (either way for career or family ) is made when you have kids so to think otherwise is just not being realistic . And yeah most times the mothers tend to be the ones who make the sacrifice.Its not just a Nigerian or African reality.Its a reality for mothers the world over. That's why mothers tend to be the ones who work from home, work part time, work compressed hours, job share etc.

I got passed over for promotion as I was unable to travel at the drop of a hat (and thats even within the UK) which was a sacrifice on my part.We can say my husband could have picked up the slack but we had a routine where he dropped my daughter off as he worked nearer home and could resume after 9.I picked her up as I could go in earlier and leave early (half 3 /4) and pick her up play with her abit cook dinner and tuck her into bed as i left home most times before she woke up.So if I had to be travelling to Hull, Manchester with just a day's notice (clients are king in the business world) who would pick up my daughter from nursery?Is it the same husband that had already negotiated coming in later so he could close later?

I was initially pained but I later said to myself tucking my daughter into bed myself after leaving home most times before she woke up is enough promotion for me.

Like someone else has said its not black and white but truly having kids MIGHT mean you slowing down a bit till an effective rhythm is found that works for your family.

honeric01: Then she can as well look for a job that won't make her return home by 9-10pm, if truly she wants to spend more time with her family, if not, then she's as guilty as the one deliberately working late. (Which woman works late deliberately to be truthful?)

Trust me, when I started working I knew it was not black & white

Every average man & woman especially a married one wants a well paying job with half work hours and twice the pay (My dream job ). Alas, reality is different. Even Oil companies that close early resume by 7am (Do you know the time one has to leave for work?)

We all have to learn to balance well.

And yes, some women work late/take up extra tasks to look efficient.

Tannie: I've seen women leave theiir house by 6am and return by 9pm but I'm not against it, whatever rocks their boat. But I don't want to be that kind of mother, I believe I've come this far in life because my mum was there for my siblings and I (she's a teacher) and I want to be there for my kids.
N/B I'm a career woman but I will glady make amends for my family till my children comes of age.

Like I said in the first post I made on this thread, there is a difference between a mother delibrately working late in the name of building a career and a mother leaving early and getting home late because of logistics.

An average job is 8 - 5 in Nigeria

Logistics now determine when you leave/get home

I agree that parents should make ample time for their kids

This topic don migrate to same sex marriage?

babystathopoulos: We all need to be realistic with life as it is not as we have in our imaginations. Don't be decieve that you can have it all(especially women) when you have a demanding career and the same time run a successful home. There is nothing like "Balancing", body nor be firewood. Is either the husband or the kids or both are paying the price. When the man don't complain is because he is a good cheat.
My advice for men is; don't expect any woman to change or suppress her career because of you. Chose a woman that fits into your future plan.
My advice to women; is a good thing to have a dream and pursue and get to the highest point. But if you want to be overambitious to try and avoid the marriage road. Marriage is not for everyone.

Baby,

I think you need ti stop looking at it from a man/woman perspective.

I am very sure that Nelson Mandela would disagree with you (men cannot have it all either)

If we believe what they project, Omotola and Dora seemed to be able to create a balance

cococandy: splendid

Thanks

How are you and bros

Tannie: I want to be successful, have my own money, contribute my quota to my family but not at the expense of my family. I don't have to work 6-9 to be successful, I can work 7-4 and still be successful. I want to be involve in my children's life, attend sch parties, have a heart to heart talk with them, create an everlasting bond with them and help them in difficult times, that's why I'm their mother.

And what job is 6 - 9 or do you mean 9 - 6/ 9 - 5

Depending on logistics, when you are working a 7 - 4 job, you might not be able to dress your kids up for school

Nashville: Bukatyne,

Na work o, been very busy and since the Nairaland data loss, it seemed something just happened. Hope things will go back to the way they used to be. How your end? Any new news?

My side fine o!

The data loss affected my thread for ladies.

News will let you know

Very funny OP:

What happens when the wife becomes more ambitious yers after marriage?

The key is not finding a less ambitious wife; it is finding a woman with the same values.

Also, one's path does not equal ambitiousness or lack of; I heard of a teacher who never married because he always wanted to be there for his students and saw marriage as a hindrance (wierd considering the fact that teaching is a go to profession for married women due to time. Let us not go into the reason why most teachers are frustrated and add absolutely no values to the pupils) ; while I was serving, I organized night classes when I felt the day time was not enough.

There are also women in seemingly ambitious prfessions who are just there by chance.

Don't also confuse hours spent with ambition; a cleaner who lives at Oshod and works at V/I will spend more time at work (transport included) than a bank mgr who lives at Lekki and works at V/I.

Training a child is not the hours spent but the quality of the time spent.

And lastly, it is the duty of both parents to build a home and train their kids.

P.S.: What class would late Dora Akunyili fall into?

njokusboy: . Some men expressly make it clear they hate domestic chores.... Its selfish, maybe... But I wouldn't be caught dead sweeping or mopping up floors.. Everybody know that and they have learnt to accept it.... My dear loving wife would have to bear with me..... But if she doesn't wanna do it, I'd pay someone to do it....

Lol @ its selfish, maybe

Since you have expressly told her forehand and she still decides to tie the knot with you, then you are covered.

If it's more than she can handle, someone else can be paid to assist

Where have you been?

It seems Argentina were not destined to win

Regards to your family

Nashville: The best two teams played the final and the very best won. Congrats to Germany and I am particularly happy for Joachim Leow who I think is one of the very best coaches in the world.

Overall, a great World Cup, Spain, Italy and England all crashed out early - though England's was expected. For the first time two African Countries got to the second round and gave a good account of themselves. Colomia, Belgium and France were dark horses and could have gone further. Brazil never looked like real contenders but they were all about Neymar. I think the Dutch played some of the best football in the tournamenent.

So guys; do enjoy your summer holidays.

fellis: If that's the case then at least 80% of music artists, actors and actresses have lost it or are also not at peace with themselves

Unfortunately, most of them are not

Her dress sense is too wierd like she is passing across a subtle message

fellis: What does she do that makes you say this?

The way she comes across, her carriage, dressing, conduct etc.

andromida: The idea that this man mistreated you is something you should look into because it takes two to tango you actively participated in the relationship so how can you blame him for everything.

The question is why were you with someone who made you soo unhappy?

Why did you remain faithful to a man you were not married to and who had no value for you?

Being pretty and attracting different men is not enough because you may be attracting different versions of your boyfriend.

This man cannot be your friend, he probably wants to add you to his harem the money is the lure so refuse him.

This and tell him that he has given you the greatest compensation:

Not been married to you

Thank God daily, He really loves you.

Now move on

She looks like someeone who has lost it or is not at peace with herself

I don't know why I prefer Beyonce

Very beautiful as always

Amerinancy: In all you have said it's really incompehensible. Yes! Because you are giving me the impression that you have also been caught up by this same web that has traumatized us for long.
Judging from MTV, the younger generation, is totally obsessed with short term sexual encounters. "I'm attracted to you." "I don't know what I want." One woman has bedded 200 men she met on the net. She'll never be able to commit to one man. The younger generation has been reduced to the level of fruit flies, barely able to think. I think you have been infected with society syndrome or probably not matured to understand that marriage is spiritual than physical. Sex is an added onion to marriage. If you go into marriage because of she is experienced and good in bed, you will also run for another woman who is more experienced and better in bed.
I will agree with you that things have changed, yes! But where did the moral aspect of change get us to compared to the former times?
In the Bible women maximized their potentials to the core so what the hell are you saying?
Deborah, Esther, Naomi, Rachael and even mary the mother of Jesus harnessed thiers.
A man is naturally superior to a woman and the head of the family. If you insult your head, if you don't know it comes with a curse. Which is why many women are suffering today from one breakup and divorce living unhappy lives. Men are there to help their wifes fulfill their calling. That you earn a million bucks still does not give a sane woman the right to insult his husband. Men were created to be macho, but they sold themselves cheaply to women right from the garden of eden and now to console themselves the society comes up with the theory of equality. Women have rights, which should be respected and valued in the society but her husband is her superior not her equal made to be honoured and respected. I repeat it "perversion" is the order of the day that the right makes sense no more.


I wonder how real children can have a good understanding of life than being brought up by good loving parents who live as examples rather than parents who because of your so called "things have changed" divorce not having children with behavioural disorders.

The marriage our forefathers had was adorable, majority of our marriages today is an eye sore.
Untill we address this issue, we will keep living unhappy lives.
Please read "Ephesians 5:22" if you are a christian.

@ bolded, ok

You have answered my second question

Extralarger: Scientifically proven to be among the best foods, I love WATERMELON a lot, though CUCUMBER works for me too, those creatures are perfect in my sight!

Lol! @ those creatures are perfect in my sight

Amerinancy: Thank you very much for these great questions.
First of all, looking at the statistics of the old and now marriages, the difference is clear. The world then was sane to a resonable extent which our world today will look as risible. I'm not talking on the general life of men here, I'm talking about the lost pride of women, and I used the old good days as example where sacrifice was paramount. Having women in their pools is the more same thing I'm saying, just like in the bible days we had prostitutes, Just that right now its off the hook and women has totaly lost their physical spiritual and emotional balance.
Take a look at our celebrities then and now.


Secondly I'm talking about the perverted woman in general and it all concerns inequality marriage and general conduct.

I hope I did answer your questions.
Thank you sister for this wonderful contribution.

You did not answer any of my questions.

I agree you are talking about women alone but the issue of sex involves two people at least and is like the proverbial chicken and egg.

OK, to rephrase my first question, what do you think made women less virtuous?

I like Emme's cute and simple dressing deapite the fact that her parents can afford to deck her up with all sorts.

This is how a 6yr old should look minus the bag

@OP:

I have two questions for you:

1. Were the men of old chaste? or did they have a tiny pool of women they messed around with and then went on to marry from the wide pool of virgins when ready?

2. Are you talking about gender inequality in marriage/generally?

Will be expecting your answers

adeitoro: Ali and simbi, macmillian primary 2

Edet lives in calabar macmillian pri 3

Agbo lives in town of oregun (forgotten the name) macmillian pri 4

Emeka, Wakama and Kunle macmillian pri 5

Obi and Nneka macmillian pri 6.

The good old days.

The stories were so interesting and seemed larger than life.

Do kids of today use these readers?

Odunharry: God bless u

Amen and you too

Sanchez01: [size=15pt]Talk about lady who thinks like a man!!! [/size]

I know this is a compliment however I think like me

missberrypop5: if that's the case, is anything wrong with being "just friends" with a girl you love?

There is something wrong.

Imagine you love a guy, do sweet stuffs for you and all he does is tag you along, gist you about his girlfriend etc.

How would you feel?

sweetguy10: Thank God you saved that poor guy bro and it's not like they (girls) don't have a dude that is banging their brains out , they just like taking some for a ride . A dept. mate got friendzoned to the extent that he got introduced to the girl's BF . Yet her BF do beat her and after the beating , she will call my course mate and narrate the whole beatings , the poor slowpoke will placate her , buy some provisions for her and still take her out . Whenever he tries going down south she will start crying and beg the guy not to "spoil their friendship , oh i like you so much but sex will spoil this great friendship " . After the poor dude solemnly narrated his ordeal to me and some friends , we being the "bad" guys they've labelled us gave him some bad advice . He eventually forced his way in and did the deed , two weeks later the girl came back begging for more since he's already "tasted it" . Imagine ? the girl turned to his b1tch and he later sent her away after maximum chopping of the puna

NB: I'm not sweetestguy ooooooo , the other dude copied my moniker and I guess the recent E-tsunami swept his ID away

While I agree that friendzoning is wrong especially when the girl knows that boy likes her, I honestly do not understand how you or your friend can be so proud to 'send a girl away after maximum chopping of puna'.

A simple 'I can no longer invest my resources in you when you are not interested ina commited relationship with me' is fine and passes across the message

Imagine someone beating his chest to say that he stole from a thief

9jaBabe1: Thanks

Hi OP,

You did not back with the feedback of how the issue was resolved

zeongeon: Bukatyne my Niece is a woman so I would teach her what a woman should know and that is the power of influencing, helping and enhancing..The gift God has given to women is d power to Influence, help and enhance...most women haven't acknowledged those gift, some have and are using it positively or negatively.


Power of Influence a woman has that's why where a man will be bounced to ur surprised a woman will be embraced and given a pass.

Power of Influence a woman has made wise king solomon turn away from worshipping God to idols.

Power of influence a woman has will make a man try too look and say his best just to win her heart and if possible spend his money.

Power of influence a woman has will have a man who said A say B d following day.

Power to Help most men just need a good word from a woman to achieve that there destiny.

Power to enhance give a woman sperm she gives u a baby.

Power to enhance give a woman a house she gives u a home.

Power to enhance give a woman love she gives u paradise

Power to enhance give a woman pain she gives u hell.

Power to enhance give a woman money she gives u an Investment.

Therefore I would teach my niece that she has d ability to influence, help and enhance all around her positively..influencing her brothers leadership skills by asking questions, influencing his provision ability by always saying thanking you, being grateful for whatever help rendered no matter how small and also sharing her snacks too for we men too appreciate it when ladies provide too in there own way and then to protect herself by learning to say the word NO.

Ok,, good for you

Efemenaxy1: Lol! Did you watch the program about OCD's going out to slob's homes to help them out? It was hilarous watching both ends of the spectrum trying to find a common ground.

Most of the "dirty" people were willing to change. It's just that they let things get on top of them till it all got out of control...so looking at the pile of chores to be tackled was sort of depressing for them. The worst cases though were the hoarders. Jeez, now that set of people really do have mental issues. Every single item, old newspaper, bottle cover, pin, scrap, etc had it's use. A skip was hired for one guy whose home was literally filled up from floor to ceiling, but he was ever so reluctant to throw out anything. The most that was done was just a polythene bag or two of rubbish he allowed to let go...and even then, he put up such a fight! At the end of the program, the OCD sufferer could only clear out one room in the entire house.

Most of the junk was just shifted from pillar to post one room to the next. Sad really.

Anyway, I so get you about not sleeping comfortably knowing there's stuff that needs to be sorted out in the kitchen sink. I actually find cleaning (and ironing) theraputic. Feels even better waking up in the wee hours of the weekend (whilst the entire household is still asleep) to just get a-scrubbing...behind the electric / gas cooker, deep freezer, washing machine / dishwasher / condenser and inside every cupboard.

A good sweep followed closely with moping the floors with boiling water and bleach is just exhilarating.

Where is Yellowpawpaw / Ypepe??

@bolded, she is a victim of data loss

Have not seen Ileobatojo, nashville, dayokanu etc. too

Would get back to you when I gett home

I am mobile

ihedinobi2: I'll start with the text I colored. This is not an argument that I have with you or anybody here. If you know any place where I have expressed the opinion that a man needs to earn more than his wife to be respected by her, by all means produce it. As far as I'm concerned, nothing you have written pertaining to who earns more than the other is addressed to me so forgive me for choosing not to respond to it.

Now, my interest is this claim of yours that nowhere in the Bible is the man named the head of the woman because he is the breadwinner. I totally agree. What the Bible does, at least, imply is that being the head he is the breadwinner as well. And you have pointed out the governing Scripture that clearly enunciates that. I think it is rather interesting that you should regard "man" in that portion of Paul's letter to Timothy as corresponding to "man" in his other letter to the Corinthians. It is interesting considering that the context has women in it too.

I also find rather interesting and adequate your mention of Proverbs 31. Did you perchance notice the man in it and what that passage says of him? Why does his heart safely trust in his wife? Why is he described as "known in the gates when he sitteth with the elders of the land"?

Two more things and this post will be done. Respect per your definition is admiration that results from an ability etc. If your husband is able by himself to cater for you and your little ones, do you consider that admirable?

Second, you said that it is only that place in 1 Timothy that the Bible attributed breadwinning to men. Let's assume you're indeed right (it really isn't, but since I know of no other place with the same obviousness, I won't push it), do you know of any place where it does attribute breadwinning to the woman? Like I said, I can give you multitude places that would require commentary to show that indeed the Bible places breadwinning at the man's door, so if you give me any place that you have to explain to show me that women have the same duty, I will only answer you with counter-interpretations as well.