₦airaland Forum

ekwah: The highlighted comments got to me sha.

In cases of cheating/adultery I see nothing wrong with divorce especially if a partner cheats repeatedly. Christianity supports divorce on grounds of unchastity.

However,why would one "celebrate" divorce as if it were a good thing. There's really nothing wrong with promoting marriage as a life-time commitment. Anything lesser than it should be discouraged. I would like people to focus more on the after-effects of some of these ideologies they promote. More divorces => more broken families => more kids growing up without at least a parental figure => doom especially for kids from low income families => no guarantee of the 'peace' one left the marriage for => more single mamas and papas on the streets (wetin dem go do when konji mattaz arise ) => doom for the Nigerian society (check out the African American society for examples on some of these consequences). There are myriads of problems that eat-up children from divorced homes. As a child, I would forever remain grateful to parents who stuck together despite difficulties rather than those who sought the easy way out. I see nothing wrong in reporting an abusive husband for example, to the appropriate authorities for "correction"- lol whatever that is.
What some men in Nigeria need is thorough counseling on domestic violence and it's consequences (it seems like that's the crux of the argument used by the proponents of divorce); I'm pretty sure a lot of them don't even know it is a criminal act. What women in Nigeria need is empowerment/more access to information on how to deal with violent husbands whilst they find ways to make their marriages work.
In places like the States for e.g, many people divorce for the most selfish/silly reasons one can ever think of. With the way we tend to overdo things in Naija, things may get out of hand if such crazy ideas are promoted.

In cases where children are already involved, divorce is really not a solution. It just makes children vulnerable and makes things unnecessarily complicated. This is especially true for people from low income families in Naija.

Lol! esp @ bolded.

Does a man need a law against Abuse to know that abuse is wrong?

It is well.

[quote author=baby_123]On point. Women refuse to accept the truth or look in the mirror on their failure in choosing a decent man to marry. People like to blame others for their problems. Face the person who made and broke his vows op.[/quote]God bless you.

If my hubby cheats on me, what is my business with the girl or girls? Afteral, none of them exchanged vows with me at the altar.

If a woman complains that her hubby is cheating, I blame the hubby
If a hubby complains that his wifey is cheating, I blame the wifey

I have no business with the external playas. If the hubby/wifey believes in cheating, how many girls/guys will the other spouse beat/maim/kill?

biolabee: Exactly my point and i have no problem with it...

It was madam buka that was tryingto prove girls dont have high standards...

Just today a senior bros was telling me of his girlfriend whio dumped his arze that he had no money
She left him to marry a chief
He moved on and remarried..

he met her some years back at the airport// same flight
She was like wow.. were we on the same flight

Hes like well.. i was on first class...

meanwhile she married into a polygamic home and she no get pikin...

sad sha

I said girls that marry for money have NO standard

Was the couple involved in a fight or did the wife beat the hubby?

biolabee: Well me i am not a spirit to know peoples mind
All i know is that chics will not even look at a hustler who does not have a keke napep not to talk of car
they will prefer to hustle for the ones that are already hooked leaving the managing ones alone

No be my portion to marry broke arze

Why give my sometin for free

Abi na lie i talk

Not all girls Oga

biolabee: u r on ur own....

women have always been known to marry up

What is that if not high standards...

I think there is a disconnect...

I guess you are referring to money as 'marrying up', I was referring to the morals.

If those marrying because of money, they have no standards at all

Money can come and go, character remains

biolabee: My own take on your no 2

Women have extremely high standards

That is why there is a study that in 10 years time there would a dearth of marriageable men

Women marry up
Men usually marry down

You can never see a successful woman marry a socially or materially lesser man

While rich men marry women of lower social standings everyday

In madonna's word

I AM LOVING IN A MATERIAL WORLD
AND I AM A MATERIAL GIRL

With the type of men getting married these days,

I don't think so

Godmother: In the olden days, a woman stays put in her marriage no matter what. And some( not all) men seem to take this for granted and misbehave. Some of our parents didn't have happy marriages, but they stayed together cos of us, the children. Not wanting us to come from a broken home.

I'm not married, so I can't say much about marriages or divorce, hence my questions. All I can say from what I have noticed is this:

1. Nigerian men have an "entitlement" mentality and seem to want the women to give her all to make them happy in a relationship.

2. Since men are the ones that select a wife, they sometimes have high standards for a woman to meet before she's considered "fit" for a wife. And this makes most women pretend( which is wrong) just to get married. I was talking with a male friend and he was telling me he can't marry a woman that has a tatoo, already has children or has slept with more than 4/5 men.

Anyways, like I said earlier, I dnt have any experience in the marriage dept, hence my asking this question of people who I feel are experts. This is my opinion on the matter and I stand to be corrected if I'm wrong.

@OP,

There has always being divorce just that it was not legal... When there were issues,

The man send the woman packing;
The man marries a second + X wives;
The woman's family comes to carry their daughter.

From our parents' examples, we can also see that 'Staying for the kids makes no sense'

Lastly, in a bid to counter one extreme (operation I must die a 'Mrs./Mr.') some people have gone overboard by divorcing when there is no connection (whatever it means), when money/beauty goes, when there is no more love etc.

jidegirl12: Oya carry drum and trumpet to announce further what a toddler already know to pacify those gals guilty conscience ;

Married men who cheat are Douche! Sotan you don hear the constant-over flogged -phrase.

We all know... the man is also responsible blah blah yen yen yen...We know.

They should simple say sir/dude , I don't need your money , hohoho will they? Next life maybe.

OR

Nip the main devil that encourage this act in the bud because of their greedy hunt... Acid bath and bullet doses.

Ole olojusonpas long throats.

Lol!

I hope the husbands also have their own Acid bath and bullets to destroy any 'yeye' man that comes near their wives

fairygeh: . I wasn't talking to you ma'am and by the way you should be on BBA next year so we can get to see your own s ex tape too

Lol!

Your post cracked me up.

I am not their candidate.

So you subscrided for the VIP right to watch se.x scenes yet you are angry Bev and Ang gave you se.x to watch I.e. What you subscribed for?

You are a funny babe.

The only person who can complain is a person who was forced to watch them have sex at gunpoint else...

Just shut it and turn off your tv.

Reread my posts (both on this page)

NL is a wonderful place...

Only in NL

Would a man cheating on his wife be a victim
Would wives decide to pour acid et al on their husband's lover instead of facing the man
Would men parrot that all men cheat...

It is well

Amelian: Biolabee, it's indeed tragic ......

The number of women being empowered, yes it's growing... But how many empowered women can sustain and Av been able to maintain what they either strive for initially to make themselves independent financially, or were given in the process of either goodwill of the government / family assistance... Am afraid, the number is not much. It's takes hard work and consistency with seriousness of purpose to maintain any form of level of successes, financially..
I interact with women on a professional level, work with them, talk with them everyday.. Everyone of them , I interact with talk about their dreams and aspirations, cause its what I do for a living ..to inspire and empower women, but along the line, of all the fine lines of how they want to be , they want to be that....then gradually turn into grumblings, sighs of how hard it is to achieve it....some become tired, docile, looking for a way out and thinking desperately of getting hooked to a rich guy, to fall back on.....while some follow up their dreams with such fierceness and dedication, that most times it makes my heart glow with. Admiration, but these numbers in this category are very few....
It's not easy to stay at the top, in whatever u r into...be it maintaining a family/ growing of business / maintains work ethics to boost up career , etc..... It's takes a lot of hardwork and precise planning and clarity.
Until a lot of women get to that level...scavenging for married rich men at all cost will reduce drastically..
So sad.

The truth is that is a spirit and not everyone possesses it.

fairygeh: SMH No one is a saint o but if at all the guy cares about her,they should chill till they leave BBA and have S ex.Why would she do this in the full glare of the cameras.wasn't she aware that everyone would see it.Now everyone has seen her n akedness as she dey f**k.and na one man go marry this one for house.I pity her.what a disgrace to womanhood.

Was Bev mastur.bating or was she alone?

Did she tell you she's interested in marriage? She has made her choice and she's doing fine.

I do not seem to get the 'she is a disgrace to womanhood' part; do men have to see Bev before they know who a woman is? Is she representing women in BBA?

Free her joor

We Nigerians are so funny!

I believe people have to subscribe to VIP to watch the intimate scenes.

People subscribed to watch them bath/intimate
When Bev and Ang started, they watched till the end. They did not switch off their tv and unsubscribe
Those who missed the show, downloaded or watched it online
Some people kept the pictures of them
They castigated the girl like she slept with herself


In light of all these, I am 100% sure that people will still not unsubscribe from VIP

To all those condemning, have you ever thought that if nobody subscribed to it, we would not know who slept with who. Ti those who subscribed to VIP, what did you really to watch?

Imagine someone complaining that people dress indecently to a club, seriously? The program was packaged for some people. If you think you are not one of them, then change the station or yank your tv plug.

To those saying she disgraced Nigeria ladies, please count me out because we are not on the same level..

@
P.S. Can someone be kind enough to educate us on what BBA is all about?

It is well

Thanks for this thread,

It has helped me learn to care for my hair better

coogar: of course, anyone still championing feminism today is the modern one. the first wave of feminism died last century.



you are getting it wrong - a woman can be aggressive and caustic without being a feminist, but all modern feminists are aggressive and caustic....

coogar: it's actually the main qualities of the modern wave feminists.......they are vile, obnoxious, aggressive, self-centred, priggish, caustic and with a deep-rooted hatred for the opposite gender.

if a woman is not exhibiting these traits, then you don't belong to the posse of modern feminists!

Just now you said every feminist is a modern one

Most or all the participants have claimed NOT to be feminists

biolabee: Frankly what I dont get is their innate desire to just insult...

Especially unprovoked..

The imagery i get of them is that of a sex-starved snakelike shrew that just lashes out at any iota of testosterone

It's not a quality of feminists

Check out 'My marriage is in trouble' thread to see how acclaimed non-feminists are digging it

biolabee: When i mean professional, i mean like working...

so you are speaking from experience and not regurgitating some gospel without even processing same...

I have told you countlessly that you are not a feminist.. but rather a humanist who believes in justice
Coogar put up a video some days ago where feminists destroyed a meeting for victims of female abuse
Implied in thier actions are that men can never suffer domestic abuse

HAHAHA

Lol!

Die feminist bukatyne and rise humanist bukatyne

I guess because I view everything in the light of God's word

Coogar and Biolabee,

True that girls go to school, vote, I have not witnessed the wage disparity etc.

BUT

There is still a lot of work to be done on the mindset of people.

Read through NL and you see that a lot of guys still believe they are superior to women and this reflects very well in the marriage setting.

A man has no qualms having female colleagues but does not want his wife (the woman 'under' him to work); a lot have said the house chores is beneath them, they feel women should be able to cope with infidelity and abuse etc.

The inequality now is of the mind and this is where we need the help of our parents esp mothers...

It's well

biolabee: Theres no need to be wary

Personally i have nothing against abortion...(i believe in choice) and good of you to be clear on the so-called wage gap

I believe you are a professional,....

So why do these people still bandy the same mantra of wage gap... bla bla bla

Professional wetin? Feminist?

The truth is that I will never say what I have not seen to buttress/win a debate

biolabee: If i may ask you

- Do you believe there are wage disparities between a male and female employed for the same job, same day

- What is your stance on abortion

we have already discussed on submission earlier .. so no need

Biolabee,

I am always wary of answering your questions because I do not know where you stand or what you want to achieve

Abortion is a sin abi you no bi Christian?

As for wage disparity, I have never witnessed it.

coogar: nah - fighting for superiority mocks the memory of the true fighters of feminism. all they wanted was equality - not asking for lawmakers to close female prisons as women cannot be that dangerous to be in prison. what the heck is that?



i don't babysit posters who step out of line.....i return thunder for fire!

There will always be extremists and fanatics in every cause/movement.

Boko Harams, Ignorant Christians etc. comes to mind.

However, I always wonder when every anti-feminist (especially on NL) sees the extreme ones as a representation of the whole

I used to say 'what a man can do, a woman can do also' till it occurred to me that I was only doing what I accused men of doing: Claiming to be superior...

So now it is 'what a man can do, a woman can do also'

My mantra is always 'Do unto others as you want others to do unto you'

What era/wave of feminist does that make me?

lomomike: before u comment check his profile. Date of registration is 1st August, 2013. Only 5 post. Besides he's name is different its not Seun (Osewa Seun CEO Nairaland.com) but seunة

I just saw seun and assumed it was Seun.

Apologies.

There should be a system in place to ensure that some usernames cannot be allowed

coogar: how can i be against equality? show me where i said women don't deserve to be in school or gain employment? the fight for equality had been won aeons ago - what we have today is the fight for superiority.....

the person i insulted started the personal attack talking about my daughter......in equality, it's give and take. if she can give it, then she must learn to take it.

The truth is that inequality/equality starts from the mind/heart.

How would you prove to be better when you do 'an eye for an eye'

A poster mentions your daughter, tell him/her to stir clear of your family and face you

coogar: not all men are bad and not all women are good. women can be as bad as men. what's the solution? modern feminism should fight for equality, not superiority!

I thought you are against equality?

P.S.: you can pass your message without being insultive.

Please if we want to do e-fights, let's open a new thread for that.

Let us help the OP who has a 'problem' solve it or politely leave her thread for her.

lomomike: First Post from a newbie jst registered today depicting senselessness! Btw, there's no need to waste ur free MB typing this.

Lol @ newbie...

I wonder who the newbie is in a member of the forum(lomomike) and the owner of the forum(Seun)

Double post

Appreciation

When I was a little child, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Baby, I love burned biscuits.”

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides – a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!”

Attitude

My wife, Tere, and I purchased a new car in December. Even though we had tickets to fly from California to Houston to visit her family for Christmas, we decided to drive to Texas to break in the new car. We packed the car and took off for a wonderful week with Grandma.

We had a wonderful time and stay to the last possible minute visiting with Grandma. On the return trip we needed to get home in a hurry, so we drove straight through — one person driving while the other one slept. After driving in a hard rain for several hours, we arrived home late at night. We were tired and ready for a hot shower and a soft bed. I had the feeling that no matter how tired we were, we should unpack the car that night, but all Tere wanted was the hot shower and soft bed, so we decided to wait and unload the car in the morning.

At seven o’clock in the morning, we got up refreshed and ready to unpack the car. When we opened the front door, there was no car in the driveway! Tere and I looked at each other, looked back at the driveway, and looked at each other again. Then Tere asked this wonderful question, “Well, where did you park the car?”

Laughing, I answered, “Right in the driveway.” Now we knew where we had parked the car, but we still walked outside, hoping that maybe the car had miraculously backed out of the driveway and parked itself by the curb, but it hadn’t.

Stunned, we called the police and filed a report that activated our high-tech tracking system. To be on safe side, I also called the tracking system company. They assured me they had a 98 percent recovery rate within two hours. In two hours, I called again and asked, “Where’s my car?”

“We haven’t found it yet, Mr. Harris, but we have a 94 percent rate recovery within four hours.”

Two more hours passed. I called again and asked, “Where’s my car?”

Again they answered, “We haven’t found it yet, but we have a 90 percent recovery rate of finding it within eight hours.”

At that point, I told them. “Your percentage rate means nothing to me when I’m in the small percentage, so call me when you find it.”

Later that day, a commercial aired on telephone with the automaker asking, “Wouldn’t you like to have this car in your driveway?”

I responded, “Sure I would! I had one yesterday.”

As the day unfolded, Tere became increasingly upset as she remembered more and more of what had been in the car — our wedding album, irreplaceable family photos from past generations, clothes, all of our camera equipment, my wallet and our checkbooks, just to name a few. These were items of little importance to our survival, yet they seemed of major importance at that moment.

Anxious and frustrated, Tere asked me, “How can you joke about this when all of these things and our brand new car are missing?”

I looked at her and said, “Honey, we can have a stolen car and be all upset, or we can have a stolen car and be happy. Either way, we have a stolen car. I truly believe our attitudes and moods are choices and right now I choose to be happy.”

Five days later our car was returned without a trace of any of our belongings, and with over $3,000 worth of damage to the car. I took it to the dealer for repair and was happy to hear they would have it back to us within a week.

At the end of that week, I dropped off the rental and picked up our car. I was excited and relieved to have our own car back. Unfortunately, these feelings were short-lived. On the way home, I rear-ended another car right at out freeway exit ramp. It didn’t hurt that car I ran into, but it sure hurt ours—another $3,000 worth of damage and another insurance claim. I managed to drive the car into our driveway, but when I got out to survey the damage, the left front tire went flat.

As I was standing in the driveway looking at the car, kicking myself in tail for hitting the other car, Tere arrived home. She walked up to me, looked at the car, and then at me. Seeing I was beating myself up, she put her arm around me and said, “Honey, we can have a wrecked car and be all upset, or we can have a wrecked car and be happy. Either way, we have a wrecked car, so let’s choose to be happy.”

I surrendered with a hearty laugh and we went on to have a wonderful evening together.

Daddy Hands

I awoke in the night to find my husband, Marty, gently rocking our baby son, Noah.

I stood for a moment in the doorway, watching this amazing man with whom I was so blessed to share my life, lovingly stroke Noah’s fat pink cheeks in an effort to comfort him.

I felt in my heart that something was seriously wrong with Noah. This was one of several nights Noah had been up, burning with a high fever.

Tears filled my eyes as I watched my beautiful husband move Noah’s little cheek up against his own chest, so that Noah could feel the vibrations of his voice. Noah is deaf. Learning to comfort him has brought on a whole new way of thinking for us. We relied on our voices, a soothing lullaby, audio toys, and music to comfort our other children. But with Noah, we need to use touch, his soft blankie, sight, the feel of our voices, and most importantly, the use of sign language to communicate emotions and a sense of comfort to him. My husband made the sign for “I love you” with his hand and I saw a tear roll down his cheek as he placed Noah’s tiny, weak hand on top of his.

We had taken Noah to the doctor more times than I can remember. It had been a week and a half and Noah’s fever remained very high and very dangerous, despite everything the doctor or we had tried. I knew in my soul the way only a mother can know, that Noah was in trouble.

I gently touched my husband’s shoulder and we looked into each other’s eyes with the same fear and knowledge that Noah’s wasn’t getting any better. I offered to take over for him, but he shook his head, and once again, I was amazed at this wonderful man who is the father of my children. When many fathers would have gladly handed over the parenting duties for some much needed sleep, my husband stayed stubbornly and resolutely with our child.

When morning finally came, we called the doctor and were told to bring him in again. We already knew that he would probably put Noah in the hospital. So, we made arrangements for the other children, packed bags for all three of us, and tearfully drove to the doctor’s office once again. Our hearts filled with dread, we waited in a small room, different from the usual examining room we had become used to. Our doctor finally came in, looked Noah over, and told us the news we expected. Noah had to be admitted to the hospital. Now.

The drive to the hospital in a neighboring town seemed surreal. I couldn’t focus on anything, couldn’t think, couldn’t stop crying. My husband reassured me that he felt in his heart that Noah would be okay. We admitted Noah and were taken to his room right away. It was a tortuous night, filled with horrible tests that made my son’s tiny little voice echo through the halls as he screamed over and over.

I felt as if I were shattering from the inside out. My husband never wavered in his faith. He comforted me and Noah, and everyone who called to check on Noah. He was a rock.

When the first batch of tests were done, the nurse informed us that a spinal tap would be performed soon. Meningitis was suspected. Marty and I had prayer together with Noah. Our hands intertwined, we held our son and the love of my life lifted his voice to the Lord, telling him how grateful we were for this awesome little spirit with whom he had entrusted us. With tears streaming down his face, he humbly asked the Lord to heal our son. My heart filled with comfort and gratitude.

A short time later, the resident doctor came in. He told us that Noah’s first results were back, and that he had Influenza A. No spinal tap was needed! Noah would recover and soon be back to his zesty, tornado little self. And Noah was already standing up in the hospital crib, bouncing like he was on a trampoline. My husband’s talk with the Lord was already being answered.

Marty and I grinned at each other through our tears, and waited for Noah to be released from the hospital. Finally, in the middle of the night, our own doctor came in and told us that it was fine to take Noah home. We couldn’t pack fast enough!

A few days later, I was cooking dinner. Noah was healing, slowly but surely. I felt at peace and knew my husband was the greatest father I could ever want for my children. I peeked around the corner into the living room, and chuckled at the picture I saw. There was my husband, sitting in his “daddy chair”, Noah in his lap. They were reading a book, dad taking Noah’s teeny hands to help him form the signs for the words in the book. They both looked up and caught me watching them, and my husband and I simultaneously signed “I love you” to each other, then to Noah. And then Noah put his little arm up, trying to shape his tiny hand in his own effort to sign “I love you” to his daddy. I watched with tears as my husband carefully helped him form his tiny fingers into the sign with his own gentle hands. Daddy hands.