₦airaland Forum

maclatunji: ^LOL. Don't go preaching potential marriage breaking sermons jor. Whether you are married in Otukpo, Chelsea or Siberia. No sane person wants to have a failed marriage. The way to do that is to maintain balance. Forget money, what if the child decides that he wants a state run school? Where would all of Mommy's super planning go?

Go and write a novel or something and stop having an e-debate with moi .

Surely you must be trolling and taking a piss... A child decides that they want to go to a state run school when faced with a private school? what are they retarded? lol

maclatunji: It is the inability to balance things that makes many marriages fail. A lot of men are deeply in love when they get married. The wife is all-so-aware of this and starts feeling like the boss- alienating family and friends especially from her husband's side whilst things are rosy.

Wait! Two human beings especially husband and wife cannot stay together without conflict. The eyes of husband begins to clear and he begins to see many things are wrong with the relationship he has with his wife. The relationship is not balanced but skewed in her favour.

He tries to reverse this but our dear queen wifey will have none of it. Conflict ensues, and we start reading stuff like: "the man I married has changed", "I think he his losing interest in me."

As the crisis gets protracted, both parties remember that they have families. The husband seeks advice from "his people" whom wife had alienated with her "my marriage will be the sweetest thing ever approach". Of course, they will advice their son to "be the man of his house and take no rubbish".

Wife will also meet her family especially her mother and sisters for advice. They may tell her to persevere (because they know her behavioural challenges all too well). Wifey is disappointed, she expected to be told that she's right with her approach to issues in her marriage.

She becomes bitter and cannot learn to be submissive, she has always had her way. Husband too now wants to be the man who is in control.

Is it not a matter of time before it all comes crashing down?

All i have to say is that if you lie with dogs dont be surprised at the fact that you will get up with fleas and for the rest facepalm

come again?? where in my message did i say money is the be all and end all. at the sametime lets not be foolish money is an important commodity in life nowadays,, if not why work

you think a mother in laws input is important as to the amount of kids in a family..
cultural based ignorance is the downfall of our nature
a man and woman leave their respective families and cleave to one another and in our oh so intelligent communities we bring the mother in law and other relatives to the mix

#thirdworldproblems# #backwardness# #failure# #africanculturewoes# #lordhelpus#

You would think a responsible matured man would sit and have a conversation with his wife listen to the pros and cons of her views as opposed to grumbling to family members and all around.

In regards to the post I think its beggars belief that any person out there should describe or determine the yardstick by which a woman determines to go about procreation.

If she feels one kid is enough then so be it. If her husbands loves and understands the kind of women he married he would be in tune with her way of thinking.

They say marriage is about compromise however it seems that compromise is only a thing that women are held to.
Men often dont know the realities of taking care of children. especially most african men.. change nappies? God forbid, do homework? Absolutely Not, parent teacher meetings and play dates? all a womans role, get them ready for school?? nope..... all they do for the most part is run around with pride that yes they indeed have children.

note i said most and not all because our nations seems divided across strict gender cultural lines.
well if we are all for cultural rights as most men on this thread seem to grumble.. then as the woman is in charge of the kids surely her view counts for how many she wants? no?

A career and good education are surely good reasons. Lets face it public schools? deplorable.. private schools?? ridiculously expensive and public universities here?? laughable.. out of date textbooks, equipment, overcrowding and not worth the paper they are printed on outside nigeria..

Seems like perfectly legit reasons to me,, just because they arent right for you doesnt mean that they arent right for others.

tell your cousin to quit his wallowing.. grow some balls .. act like an adult and communicate with his wife

@Busybee24: Here is the justifications; it is not clear that Aisha [ra] is 6 and or 9 but may have been 16 and or 19 minimum.
[b]
On the contrary,
Sahih Bukhari Volume 5, Book 58, Number 234:

Narrated Aisha:

The Prophet engaged me when I was a girl of six (years). We went to Medina and stayed at the home of Bani-al-Harith bin Khazraj. Then I got ill and my hair fell down. Later on my hair grew (again) and my mother, Um Ruman, came to me while I was playing in a swing with some of my girl friends. She called me, and I went to her, not knowing what she wanted to do to me.


But then let just take your 6 and 9 and pay attention that she was a willing wife who participated in formulating her marriage contract, knowing fully what she wants, what she was getting to be and was happy with all that she got in the contract.

What six year old or nine year old is capable of making rational decisions especially when it comes to something as serious as marriage. I hear your adam and eve analogy but i still dont understand what a fifty year old plus man who was already married to a mature adult would be doing with a 9 year old.

we do pay attention. according to historical records and customs Mary would have been between the ages of 13-14 which was the age of marriage in those days as she was betrothed to Joseph.




we should blame them for having lukewarm attitude where they are expected to be the leading force for goodness. [/b] im lost as to what this point is in regards to? if it is for the imams i agree 100%[b]


in Islam what a man can do, women can do. I said in Islam, I did not say in the so called Muslim community where they practice their own Islam and not the 100% Islam. wife does not have to bear husband's name, even cook for him as long as she care for the children, while husband goes out to make money for the family. there is no glass ceiling, so much so that in Islam wife can initiate divorce. From your view, i guess islam needed to make women wear pants and do exactly or more than men, while she is the one that will carry pregnancy to term.
[b]
Kindly dont put words in my mouth. I asked a question and I expected a reasonable answer. There was no off cuff mention of pregnancy and i fail to see what the "oh so mortal sin" of wearing pants comes to play. In fact your words belie the blatant sexism we have all come to associate with Islam. So women doing exactly more then men is an issue?? is that a problem for a woman to strive to the best in a workforce? in the event that there is a female and male CEO vying for the CFO position.. it seems to me from your post that it is wrong that a women would strive to reach the top. isnt that a contradiction of your post that there is no glass ceiling? Ok if this is the actual form of Islam practiced why is it that no one or only a minority practice or give event to this rights that women have. Why are women treated as essentially many slaves and repoductive machines and cast to the side when their husbands decide they have had their fill and need younger women. If this is the Islam that is to be practiced why arent there more protests in the community? why arent the Imams preaching this message? surely if it is a valued tenet of the islamic faith it would be practiced and spoken about more wouldnt it?[/b]


this was my argument as i read the killing of disbelievers and their animals in the OT, and as I read about the hanging of the man God in NT.


you see, i can not make your mama joke about another man's mama without him saying he is not happy if he loves his mother. The same man can make your mama joke about his mother and laugh it off. I know how I love my mama. A person who says anything about her may see my anger come out. But I love Muhammad [sa] more than I love my beloved mother. I hope my mother understands that and love Muhammad [sa] more than she loves me otherwise i will be disappointed. Imagine the same feeling that is amplified 1.5 Billions times? And you have a non muslim saying now this is the man he wishes to lampoon and lie against? You can offer such a fella candies. I will not offer him any candy.

[/b] So from what I understand is that you love the prophet more than life, relationships, tolerance. Which brings me to how Islam is characterised as a religion of peace when clearly it is not. I dont know if i read this out of context but there seem to be many verses to this effect
Ishaq:326 "Prophet exhort the believers to fight. If there are twenty good fighters they will defeat two hundred for they are a senseless people. They do not fight with good intentions nor for truth."
so where indeed is the peace?[b]



what has change in man that makes sharia in appropriate on him now? Has he developed 2 heads and 7 tongues or some super physicality that the people of past time didnt? Sharia deals wth the morality of man now as it did with it in the time of the Prophet [sa]. Adultery is bad now as it was bad then, you just have to have a shameless spouse who sleeps around before you know that Sharia is here to protect you, its your friend like the cop on the beat.[/quote][/b]So in this day and age the barbaric rules that a raped woman must have 4 witnesses or be punished for sex outside marriage (great rights these women have)

[b][/b]the cutting of arms and other body parts[b]

[/b]stoning[b]

[/b]so these are still acceptable nowadays??[b]

[/b]Finally in regards to all the points you put forward to persuade us of your point of view how am i sure you are commiting or using taquiyya (not sure the spelling)
[b]

Thanks

Ok so the prophet married a girl at six but waited till she was nine to consumate the marriage. Roughly speaking he should have been in his fifties by then... how on earth is that justified?

Why is it that when there any atrocious activities that occur you never hear alot of muslim scholars, imams , leaders or so on speak out with a united voice against such crimes?

islam is by far the most restrictive when it comes to women rights so how can they claim a handle on giving women the most rights?

why the constant need to fight for your God.. surely if he is God he cant be powerless .
or even more baffling is the constant mayhem over the prophet.. why the perpetual rush to violence... is islam the only religion that has been mocked?

is sharia law an adequate system in this present day and age

Clown.. surely you mean speed of sound and from the edge of space,,128,097 feet
when will people learn to read?

It is so sad that many Nigerian marriages are in this state. Perhaps its a mixture of culture- the incessant harping that a woman should be submissive at all costs, poor parenting- on the part of the husbands side and the idea that if you are not married by a certain age -your flawed. All that for what? to come and live in misery? I say dont make those poor choices for your children.

Two options
Go for counselling- and none of that "christian" nonsense where the pastor despite all evidence to the contrary mandates you go back at all costs abuse included. I mean something that is common sensical, christian and compassionate if your are christian.. if not then talk to your imam- or muslim support group if they have something to that effect.

The make your final decision to stay or leave based on whats best for you and your kids.
Its not easy. Ill be praying for you

The answer to our countries woes are responsible leaders, job creation and proper infrastructure. The reason military service produces those charasteristics in the youth is partly because they have stability. Like every other program in this country that year will turn to a money making avenue for the corrupt and fall into shambles such as the "NYSC aka waste of one year" project

The sad thing is that many Nigerian men have the mentality of animals. When someone is assaulted or raped their first instinct is to shame and blame the victim. In other parts of the world where woman walk around with whatever they please.. the instinct for men is to be "overcome" like monkeys without any form of intellect.. if men are indeed incapable of controlling themselves. Rape would be a prevalent thing is all western societies.

I blame ignorance. When rape occurs in such societies, the men are decried as the animals they are and put in jail. But of course we dont value womens rights and are a lawless society to boot.
so there we go.

So his penis slipped and accidentally pregnated them... hmmm
idiot

[quote author=Mrs.Chima]What you said was the most clownish thing I have ever heard in one day. Most definitely won't be the last.

LMAO@Having a brain means that you wouldn't need help. I forgot who I was talking to!

Dumb arses I tell you![/quote]Typical Nigerian female.. when they have nothing to retort back they come back with insults... If I cant have an intelligent conversation with you im out.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima]There is a difference between chicks asking for attention because they don't have nothing better to do and chicks asking for help during a match.

When you need help...the match isn't important. People with income can afford to pause their games with DVR devices. Real talk.

If a chick asking for help is clingy....then YOU all are more pathetic than the clingy girls.[/quote]So with your God-given two hands and brains.. your incapable of figuring out how to sort whatever issue you have at that point in time.. of all the silly justifications I've ever heard. That behavior itself is ridiculous.. you want men to respect you yet for the smallest issues you have you need their help when you know thier otherwise occupied

And this problem arises during the playoffs? so tell me is someone dying ? is the house on fire?
These so-called problems are ones that can wait

DVR?? are you correct
you want a sport enthusiast to record a live game and get to it after the fact.... thats the most clownish thing I have heard in a long time

Im a girl but during the playoffs my bf should step to the side.. especially if he isnt supporting my team.. yeesh its SPORTS! get with the program playoffs happen once a year.. and there is nothing more annoying that clingy females.. your given attention most of the time.. you cant figure something to do with your lives in the meantime?? pathetic!

are you high your more worried about shame than the fact that the dude is verbal and could be potential abusive..
please do yourself a favour and use your God given brain and run
when his beating you down? those people your worried about will they help

proof that idiots abound

If this is indeed a true account.. too all those desperate women out there that marriage is do or die.. take heed!

So lets get this straight.. your a LovePeddler whose looking for a classy lady...lol
they say it about women, it applies to men too.. cant change a LovePeddler into a husband..
which beautiful classy and intelligent woman would want to be near a carrier of stis?? of someone whose been round the block as you put it or has a list of sex partners as long as Henry L Earls... get real..
good one though ill be laughing all day today

Happy birthday

Go get some help at the nearest psychiatric hospital

Some peoples comments here are unfounded..
Did I ever mention that I am not ready to roll up my sleeves and make my way through the work environment like everyone else?
Yes granted I have an advantage because of course I gained my qualifications at top UK schools which trumps any FG Uni at any point in time. Given the horror stories of unemployed youths roaming around the nation, I was looking to see from practicing barristers whether there is room for opening chambers, where there are niche areas that haven't yet been saturated.

For those who imparted relevant information I once again thank you for your responses x

cheating cunt33! she should come clean if she is really sorry and deal with the consequences...
the type of female that gives the rest of us a bad name.. smh

slimyem: which is most def. hypocrisy ...and a lie.
Truth is most girls above the age of 20 have constant thoughts of marriage in their minds...among other things.
It is the girls whose only and sole purpose marriage is that i have a problem with...
...but saying you(as a girl above the age of 20) do not think about marriage even after Nysc...is a blatant lie from the pits of hell!
Op's just selling her self-righteousness...and i'm not buying!

Because your the master and the person who knows what goes on the mind of every woman.. this leaves me with two conclusions either you are ignorant self grandiosed know it all...or on the other hand you hang out with the lowest of lows who believe that their sole purpose is to be with a man, get married and push out kids.. Open your eyes... there are women out there past the ago of 20 who dont have marriage at the forefront of their mind... there are things like i dont know say career advancement, more educational achievements- a little thing called masters and a PHD and of course voluntary positions and the wonderful thing called travelling the world.

Sunmboluv: Staying abroad would surely limit your chances of getting a good guy..I would agree wt u on that but on the other hand too not all ladies residing in Nigeria do get the so called "good guys'.Based on that I would say that no human on this forum or any other place would advise you rightly on this issue cos no human can tell what tomorrow holds.I will advice u seek God's face,who knows maybe one of the reasons U have this opportunity to travel is to meet your divine partner too and here you are considering staying back cos u tink u will get him in Nigeria...u just can't tell..Seek his face and am sure he will direct your path.Accept my best wishes.

because of course being a good guy is native to being in Nigeria... yeesh.....

http://saharareporters.com/news-page/legal-fireworks-over-senior-lawyer%E2%80%99s-sexist-comments

[color=#770077][/color]Sexist Chauvinist Pig

Legal Fireworks Over Senior Lawyer’s Sexist Comments
Posted: May 10, 2012 - 03:18

Rickey Tarfa , SAN
By SaharaReporters, New York
Fireworks reigned Wednesday in a Federal High Court sitting in Abuja as a Senior Advocate of Nigeria, Benbella Anachebe, and Regina Okotie-Eboh, a junior lawyer from the chambers of Ricky Tarfa (who is also a SAN), engaged each other in an open court exchange of verbal insults.

During the heated exchange, the legal combatants flung epithets such as “useless woman,” “idiot,” “worthless SAN” and other unsavory words at each other to the consternation of the presiding judge, Justice Abdul Kafarati.

One of our two primary sources, a lawyer who was present in court, said trouble started as Ms. Okotie-Eboh attempted to guide her senior colleague, Mr. Segun Jolawo, in the course of a breach of contract suit instituted by Intermarkets Nigeria Ltd. against Universal Basic Education Commission (UBEC).

Mr. Anachebe, who is UBEC’s counsel, turned to her and shouted, “Will you shut up! A senior silk is talking and you are talking! Who do you think you are? You are not as educated as my wife and I kept her at home, so shut up!”

“Mr. Anachebe’s sexist comments greatly unsettled the court, particularly the women therein,” said our source, adding, “Ms. Okotie-Eboh kept her cool.”

However, once the court session was over, Mr. Anachebe, who walked past Ms. Okotie-Eboh, drew the attention of the judge (who was retiring to his chambers) to some critical comment the female lawyer reportedly made about him.

Another source told SaharaReporters that no sooner had the judge retired than Ms. Okotie-Eboh, a few female lawyers present and other women, descended on Mr. Anachebe, excoriating him for his outburst against Ms. Okotie-Eboh.

“They called him ‘useless SAN’. They asked, ‘Who gave this useless man such an award?’ ‘How much did you pay for it because you know you don't deserve such a prestigious award?’ ‘Your wife must be very useless to marry such a useless man like you.’ ‘Idiot!’” The irate women reportedly pelted him with other such reprimands.

Saharareporters gathered that a humiliated Mr. Anachebe sent a complaint of misconduct against Ms. Okotie-Eboh with her boss, Mr. Tarfa. However, another source said Mr. Tarfa blamed his SAN colleague for instigating the rain of insults on him.

Mr. Tarfa was appointed a Senior Advocate of Nigeria in 2000; Mr. Anachebe received his SAN elevation seven years later. Our source disclosed that Mr. Anachebe was upset that Mr. Tarfa “is not taking action" against Ms. Okotie-Eboh. “The matter has put a lot of strain on their relationship,” said a source.

Mr. Anachebe's open-court scolding of Ms. Okotie-Eboh has also drawn criticism from even his male colleagues. A lawyer who witnessed the drama told Saharareporters that he was “thoroughly scandalized” by Mr. Anachebe's conduct.

“The silk (Anachebe) may or may not get away with it, but I do know that in the United Kingdom and some parts of the European Union, salacious putdowns and sexist comments have become criminal offences. So I wonder why he resorted to that behavior in open court,” said the lawyer.

igbo2011: House nigger the same America that enslaved you, the same America that doesn't do hit for African American, where are your reparations? Black labor white wealth till goes on today. You are a slave and you don't know it. I bet all the white laugh at you after you go away. You want to be like them and live in their communities no matter how badly they treated you in the past and still treat you today.

And you my dear have made the point exactly.. If they dont care about African Americans who are you as an African on a different country they care about?? We need to learn to pool from our resources and help ourselves instead of looking to others to be our savior.
Side note: For a black person to use the word nigger is the height of ignorance considering the connotations behind the words. Its bad enough we face discrimination from the whites. now your adding discrimination from blacks as well

Keep the white man winning then- the self hate they introduced we continue to perpetrate. Where do you expect them live? Move back to the hell hole that is Nigeria?? They have been there for decades some of them up to five, six generations.. America is their home.

Lets face it who doesnt want to be like the white man? From where I seat they have done pretty well for themselves. Relatively stable government, relatively stable economy, a working relationship with other countries, new technology at their finger tips, pioneers of innovation, relatively good educational infrastructure..
while in Nigeria we are busy squabbling over tribal matters as the country falls into peices
Abeg

oh the IRONY!!!!!

I fail to see why Africans think that Americans care about them. The relationship has always been one of give and take. When there is nothing of substance for the Americans to gain, they could not care less about the issues that affect the continent. The faster people get that into their skulls the faster we can proceed as a nation...

The African Americans in the country feel betrayed by him and nothing much has been done to ameliorate their condition.. and you think they care about what goes on here...

haha thats funny...

I think the issue is culture and to appease you know our fellow relatives people should just do it with the right hand. However people should note some people are left handed and since that the dominant hand they sometimes do it without thinking since its so normal to them so there shouldnt be a big hurrah when its done at times.