₦airaland Forum

If he cheats on you,cheating on him as revenge is too kind.


Two options:
A)forgive him if you can vouch for his sincere repentance.

B) do something worse if he's the I'm-a-man-and-i-can-do-as-i-please type of husband.

He may be 'real' for all you know.


Funny thing is that if you happen by any venue or centre where such programs are in session,people will be littered like ants. With women being 70percent of the congregation.

How do people believe such things?

damiso: I also used to think those posters were jokes so they are for real..

So that 'Jesus give me my money' poster might be real

Don't waste you energy. It's hopeless trying to reason with a perpetually angry fellow.

2CatWoman: There was no need for this.

Oh dear

aisha2: Cococandy, that last poster with the picture of men for give away is the Abuja pastor. He is "Giving away 1000 husband4, grab yours now" That one, his case file long, all the way from Jos he come hammer for Abuja. His own con na grade 1

Shudders!!!

Not surprised though.

And also HE who finds a WIFE finds a good thing.

Why are we running the race that was designated for men on our heads for that matter?

bukatyne: cococandy!

Abegi! Marriage na the highest achievement o!

Come to think of it, na men suppose dey find marriage like this o!

It is not good for a man to be alone....

aisha2: My sister, there is one pastor in Abuja, this is his speciality, he claims to have 1000 husbands to dash so you have to "rush" and grad ya own. His target, single working women and single mothers who are loaded. He then strikes a deal with the men who go on and dupe the women with his "revelation" off cause and then they share the proceeds.

The thing is terrible. I've almost given up on the preaching self esteem thing. Because the more one does,the more it seems as if you don't want others to marry.
The desperation is real. And you see pastors cashing in on the desperation to swindle my beautiful naija sisters.

sow a seed for a husband.

Fast and pray this year shall not pass you bye
Any evil standing in the way of your marrying this year die by fire.

Wear a wedding gown to church next sunday by faith and you'll meet your husband.


See evidence.
I used to wonder if such story billboards/signposts were made up by comedians to make us laugh until me and my SIL one day decided to prank call and find out if it's true. And a real pastor picked up the call to convince us how God has been using him to give sisters husbands.
I couldn't hold my laughter

I guess he realized we were just messing with him when we kept asking him searching questions.

juicy gist to badt.

Chillisauce: Wow, more stories pls.

The fact is for them to be using the lies, it's obviously working. They get to get free coochies, and money.

You were smart, others might fall. The stupid ones. And they are plenty here. If you talk they say you are lying ..blah blah blah.

They keep falling in the trap.
Abeg, beeevan, edwife, cococandy, lyndaroyce come and see gossip oh .

Cow, goat, chicken anyone o. All na burial.
I'm sure she felt the love when she was alive.
Don't worry your pretty head. It will all work out fine.

naijababe: Awww!!!!! Thank you, I doing better and coming to terms with being motherless o my sister. Na money to buy cow I dey find now

I've stopped being surprised by that double standards

aisha2: Na wa, it shouldnt surprise me anymore but it still does.
Just a few days ago a woman wrote here how she checked her husbands phone and found him sending naked pictures and she wasnt even comforted for her pain rather blamed for "invasion of privacy .
"What were you looking for?" "seek and you shall find" " dont touch his phone. Avoid High blood pressure"
Today a man went through his wives phone and found not nak-ed pictures or initimate conversations just an exes phone number and the world is coming to a standstill. No one is asking why he invaded her "privacy" or asking him to pray and fast so she wont call the ex.

The double standard very glaring is always a wonder

shoefreak: Naijababe darling, i'm so so sorry dear. Do accept my heartfelt condolences. Olorun a fi Ayo si e lokan ooo.

So sorry hunny.

Cococandy, you'd better go and get yourself a portable size hand sanitizer. I go everywhere with mine ooo.

Sure thing. And I also make sure I limit my going out to the barest possible minimum

Naijababe,how are you holding up? The lord is your strength.will say a prayer for you today

My heart goes out to the first wife. I hope she wasn't infected in thsi their gross display of xtupidity.

The man and his second wife got what they both deserved.

Present

Am I too late? What are you sharing?

Chillisauce: Efemenaxy
Beeevan
Coogar or sister sarah
Sophyrock
Lyndaroyce
Edwife
Cococandy
Carefreesmile
Debrief (aisha2 )
Ileobatojo
Shoefreak
Kulyie
Jennykadry


If you hear your name. Raise your hands up for identification

Why are you calling me agbaya?

I don't support child abuse and I already blamed the OP for sleeping with her before her 18th birthday. Actually it's crime to sleep with an underaged person. Sadly I don't see anyone prosecuting him here.the girl's parents may not even press charges.
If I were to give him the names he deserves for sleeping with her already,the thread will go downhill fast

But the deed is done and he's looking for a way forward. Leaving her won't undo what he's done. Not saying that marriage will fix it either.

If she was so far away from the consent age,I'd be spitting fire now. But she isn't and he's not the use her and dump her kind of dude,so I believe he has better intentions than those who are just out to prey on young girls.

As for your question,you must have read where I said he can try to let her reach 20 before proceeding with marriage rites.by then she must have had a chance to decide otherwise if she changes her mind.

As long as he doesn't get in the way of her education and mental growth,and as long as he doesn't marry her when she's not yet of age(which is 2months away BTW)

I know some older guy-younger female marriages that are thriving,so if they put the fact he's done wrong by her behind them,they can still make it. Or not

Just being realistic.

And stop calling me agbaya(whatever that means)

SAMBARRY: Coco you too you are agbaya.if a 40 year old man comes to your house with his people that they want to marry your 17+ year old daughter you no go land the person slap



nothing like talking to her about her future like studying for gce, jamb etc.na marriage be her next priority.


Ok let me even take a 17 year old girl as an adult even though she's not. At 17 her priority is different from a 40year old man's priority. Hers is or should be planning on getting into the university and if she doesn't want help her get a job or learn a skill



does it mean a parent cannot leave a little girl in a man's house and be sure she's safe and untouched. I am trying so hard to resist the temptation of calling op a paedo.a man that should be the one guiding, advising and seeing her as his daughter is bedding her. Even if it's with her consent is it right? Which parent will be happy knowing that a man old enough to be her father is bedding her when she's only going there to lighten his domestic burdens

naijababe pls accept my condolences.
may she rest in peace.

You have a good point.
And maybe the OP is still hung up on the effects of his bad marriage. So a good 'innocent' girl seems a prize right now.


But I still think they can succeed.
I know some girls that their husbands trained in school and they are still happily married.
That's why I said if he can let her reach 20 first and should be in school then,she might have gained some wider perspective.
he won't be guilty of marrying a minor.

We all know that age barrier doesn't guarantee success.
If they are good dedicated people,they can make it.

SAMBARRY: A 17 plus girl hasn't yet started her life.shr still be pikin na.is cooking, cleaning aand taking care of a child all there is to marriage or being a wife?



That's so unreasonable. She hasn't even gotten into the university. I bet if she gets there and her eyes open she'll start to realise the man took advantage of her vulnerability. How can a girl even help you and the next thing you are bedding her. Na so matured women scarce reach



smh.no self control of any sort. That's looseness na.hiaannn

Yea.
Higher education can give her a whole new perspective.
If he's not careful he'll have the i-trained-you-and-you-are-now-growing-feathers situation on his hands in the near future.

I hope he knows what he's doing.
And I pray he doesn't try to restrict her growth to suit his taste.

It's not even only the OP that needs advice in this case.
The girl needs tons of it.

pickabeau1: Balanced advise.. you said it all though i still think its an error marrying such a young uneducated lady as he now has two kids in the home
He has to train the girl too or set her up
He may be back to where he started

Yea the age barrier is much.
But we can't just rule it as something that will fail.
They have a chance to succeed.
I blame him for sleeping with her already when she's yet to cross the 18th line

But it's good he's not trying to use and discard her.
Once she's past 18,she's of age so she has the right to marry who she wishes to.

I admit the sweetness of the union lies in the fact that she's so pliant and malleable for him now.

Still they have a chance to suceed.

SAMBARRY: Haaaaaa coco see you encouraging the man . first of all 40-18=22 years. Meaning the girl was born when he was 22 years.i can't even say he's like a big brother but a father to her.ahaaaannnn.not 5,8 or maximum maximum 10 years 22 freaking years ahaaaaaannnnn




op fear God na.slippers get size. Why take advantage of the girl because she's the only one around you. So because she's domesticated and takes care of your daughter =she's a good wife. She never show you her colour




agbaya ni e why you no go find 29 years-35 why a teenager? A secondary school pikin for that matter. It would have even been manageable if she was in the university like 25years.you no try.truth be told and as for you coco aka soyoyo I'll be back to your matter later

Oh I see.

So the only problem you have is how to tell the world that you're in love with an 18yr old huh?
Tough luck.

Talk to her mom like she suggested. If you get her mother's support,getting her father on your side won't be hard.

I still think you should give her a little time.
Girls that age can change their minds like underwear. If you can wait for some time before starting the marriage rites maybe At least until she's 20 it would be better (IMO) but now you don rush go take her virginity

Well just swallow shame or whatever it is that's holding you back and go see her parents.
It may be easier than you think.

Then you're officially divorced.
What's she saying about the child?

simbaddsailor: When I asked my wife to come so that both our families will sit together and disolve the marriage, she refused and said I shuld go and meet her parents and collect back my bride price. I did go and her parents refunded back my back bride price.

First thing you should finalize your divorce with you wife.
has the custody of your daughter been decided? You guys need to agree on that so that whoever you marry next won't have problems about that.
Close one chapter before opening the other.


True the girl is too young. All the goodness you're seeing may be as result of carried over master-servant mindset that she's been relating to you with. She's yet to discover herself,so how are you sure she's the ideal wife you've been longing for?
I fault you for taking the virginity of an 18yr old girl. What were you thinking?

Anyway the deed is done. If you want to marry her and if she and her family agrees,then sort things out with your first wife and move on with your life.

The age barrier can work in your favour because some women relate better with guys much older than them.
It can also work against you if you become too domineering and controlling.

Just know that if you marry her now,you'll also play the role of daddy in her life because her higher education will be on you.
Between now and when she grows into a full woman say 23-28yrs,you'll notice HUGE changes. She's still growing.

Just thread carefully.

MOD front page pls

Prayers and well wishes offered.

Whatever happens dear OP pls be prepared and stay strong for her family and yours.

Why?

rofemiguwa: I fear for the generation my child will be born into. I shudder at the tot of it

Lord have mercy
It is sodom and gomorraha happening all over again
Geessss

Ok.

aisha2: We have to test before vaccination

Yea. I'm aware of the vaccination.

The cancer killed an older woman I knew about 2years ago.

That's when I enquired about the smear and was told to hold on for a few more years.
But was introduced to the vaccines then.
Thank you

aisha2: Some facts, even though its different in Nigeria as its not declining here due to low awareness and low utilization of pap smear test:

Virtually all (99.7%) cervical cancers are caused by persistent infection with a high-risk type of human papilomavirus (HPV). There are approximately 15 high-risk (oncogenic) types of HPV, with just two of these, 16 and 18, responsible for about 70% of all cervical cancers.5

Although HPV is most commonly spread from one person to another through sexual activity, it can also be spread without sex, by skin-to-skin contact with an area of the body infected with HPV.6

More than half of all sexually active people will be infected with one or more HPV types at some point during their lives.8 However, the vast majority of HPV infections do not lead to cervical cancer. For cervical cancer to develop, a high-risk infection must also be persistent.

Most HPV infections are transient. Up to 90% resolve within 2 to 5 years. On average, a newly diagnosed HPV infection in young women lasts from 8 to 13 months.9

Aging is a risk factor for persistent infection. The rate of persistent high-risk infection for women older than age 55 is 50%, compared with a persistence rate of 20% in women younger than age 25.9

While long-term infection is necessary for cervical cancer to develop, the vast majority of women with persistent high-risk infection do not develop cervical cancer.10

Other factors

Other factors have been found to increase the risk of developing cervical cancer, either by increasing the risk of HPV infection or by increasing the chances of developing cervical neoplasia following a high-risk infection. These other factors are as follows:

Sexual activity: The main risk factors for HPV infection through sexual activity are early onset of sexual activity, multiple sexual partners, high-risk sexual partners,5 and failure to use a condom.8

Suppressed immune system: A weakened immune system, such as that caused by HIV or by drugs used for suppressing immune response, places women at higher risk for HPV infection and also for cervical cancer.6

Smoking: The risk of squamous cell cervical cancer is increased for women who smoke. Smoking not only exposes the body to cancer-causing chemicals but also weakens the immune system.6 Smoking does not appear to increase risk for adenocarcinoma of the cervix.5

First full-term pregnancy at a young age: A first full-term pregnancy in women younger than age 17 nearly doubles the risk of developing cervical cancer later in life, as compared with women who had their first full-term pregnancy at age 25 and older.6

Multiple full-term pregnancies: Women with 3 or more full-term pregnancies have an increased risk of developing cervical cancer. Hormonal changes or weaker immune systems during pregnancy are possible reasons.6

Family history of cervical cancer: A women with a mother or sister with cervical cancer has 2 to 3 times the risk of women without this family history.6

Oral contraceptives: The long-term use (5 or more years) of oral contraceptives has been shown to increase the risk of developing cervical cancer.6 A collaborative analysis of data from 24 epidemiological studies found that risk increases with duration and declines after use ceases. After 10 or more years of cessation, risk appears to return to that of normal.11 Clinicians are encouraged to discuss with their patients whether the benefits of fertility management outweigh the potential risks.

Chlamydia infection: Some studies have shown higher relative risk in women whose blood test results show evidence of either past or current chlamydia infection.6

Diet and weight: A diet low in fruits and vegetables, as well as being overweight, may place women at increased risk for developing cervical cancer.6

Diethylstilbestrol (DES): DES may increase the risk of a rare form of cervical cancer in women whose mothers took DES when pregnant. About 1 case of this rare form occurs in every 1,000 DES daughters.6 (DES was given to some pregnant women in the United States from 1940 to 1971.)
Risk Reduction:

HPV Vaccines: Two FDA-approved vaccines (brand names, Gardasil and Cervarix) are highly effective in preventing infection with the types of HPV they target. Gardasil targets HPV types 6, 11, 16 and 18 and Cervarix targets against types 16 and 18 (16 and 18 are responsible for about 70% of all cervical cancers). The FDA has approved Gardasil for use in females (and males) ages 9 to 26 and Cervarix for use in females ages 9 to 25.12

Patients should be vaccinated before becoming sexually active; that is, before they may be exposed to HPV. However, even for persons who have been infected with one or more HPV types, the vaccine can still prevent infection from HPV types not yet acquired.13

Screening: Vaccination is not a substitute for screening with Pap tests. Even in women who have been vaccinated, cervical cancer can still occur. Screening is the most effective means for finding changes in the cervix before cancer has a chance to develop.

Babymama1 how's your health?

aisha2: It is necessary for every woman. These days it can present even in ages younger believe me I know. Vaccines are approved for girls as young as 13 especially my sisters in the North who start child birth early.
Even though 80 % of infection shows in woman 35 and above you wouldnt want to be the 20 percent, early detection is better than "Had I known"

Thank you

Is it only me?
All this ebola news just makes me feel kinda sick.
My temperature is one degree higher

Is it true that it's not necessary for women under 25?

aisha2: Please go back. It is uncomfortable but necessary. EARLY DETECTION SAVES LIVES. It is necessary for every woman, It saved my life just a few months ago. Pap smear is uncomfortable but cervical cancer is worse, the discomfort and pain is *1000000.
Please go and get it done. Every woman should get one, PLEASE, am on my knees begging my fellow sisters, please go get your pap smear the discomfort is for an hour or less, Abeg please, in Gods name. Cervical cancer hardly presents till late stage 3 and 4, most of the symptoms seem like normal issues women go through so we ignore it till its too late

Thought they said he was a white man.