₦airaland Forum

Shots fired. Is this really a most situation?

Lol. Make everybody commissioner stroke face.

franugo:
Alabrah has come out to say that both nengi and eradiri are faces of bayelsa girl child,,, dt nengi is in entertainment industry n eradiri for education..... But does that make any sense? If we are going by dt logic, then they should appoint another face for sports, health, environment etc

Sis go to Fiverr.

Yes. I know a couple of staff who lived at Rumuomasi.

Healthquest:
can rumuomasi take this offer?

That is the trap some men fall in.

Later, some realise that they are only respected for what they do. In their old age, some are discarded by their wives and even children.

I hope to never join that group.

habsydiamond:
true talk sir.... A man who wants total submission from a ladies should better date or marry a dependent one that will always relie on him.

They could both be faces. I think the first class student is a better pick.

We have not. I strongly suspect that the lady is leaving out information.

Regardless, they are not compatible. How can they have been together for 4 good years and cannot even communicate?

Furthermore, any man that has to resort to using this crazy notion of 'submission' to make a point loses respect in my opinion.

habsydiamond:
I have heard u sir.. But what about the version of the guy.. Have u heard what he has to story about this story

1. They're not married and their finances are not co mingled.

2. He was informed, according to her, every step of the way.

3. The person I responded to did not say anything about advice. It was, anything you want to do with money needs the permission of your husband.

Read well Mr. Man.

habsydiamond:
am sorry for u Oga... If ur wife can't seek for ur advice b4 getting something....that means u guys have interchanged positions oo... Even b4 the husband gets something into the house he must consult his wife... It only if it's a surprise.... Thats accepted... In my opinion sha

The man won't marry again.

Mgbadike80:
If she divorces the man, automatically, his baby positions herself to be the new wife, unfortunately, the man may prefer to marry another woman instead of his baby mama. lesson, lust is not love.

Good on her for uploading the video.

I hope she finds her way back soon.

I also hope what they are doing is and remains honest. There is no need to increase the heartbreak in the world.

Someone commented before on this: "She uses 'we' a lot which shows that she is invested in the relationship".

For those who think they can marry an 'older oyigbo', japa and then leaver her/go for someone else. LOL.

You go shock when you see yourself:
- falling in love
- accepting your relationship
- realizing that no one else even notices you talk less of talking to you.


Cheers.

Well, Shokoloko says she was being sarcastic with the get a lower-paying job comment.

That notwithstanding, I have seen some comments like that on NL and elsewhere by men and women. Completely crazy.

Chii59:
"She should look for a lower paying job". Can you imagine the konkonbility? God forbid this kind of advice. God forbid.

1. I'm pretty sure I used equitably not equally. If I did not, I meant equitably.

2. Different couples will chart their own division of responsibilities.

3. Not all people can or want to give birth naturally.

4. Responsibilities like cooking do not (in my opinion, should not) have to be solely borne by 1 partner.

Your experience or expectations of roles are valid but that does not mean that is the only or even the most common experience.


Cheers.

Shokoloko:
If everything is equal, how do you partner with the woman's morning sickness, vaginal tear during childbirth, 9 month pregnancy, cooking three means daily all year round, night vigils with the child that has a fever. How many men agree to partner that, and even if they want to, how do they partner the first three.

Yes its a partnership, but it is not equal. The roles are defined

I felt no 2 could be sarcasm but I've seen people post similar comments while being completely serious.

Modern marriage no sabi who be help meet or help go, partnership all the way.

Shokoloko:
Cant Nigerians decipher sarcasm anymore? No 2 is

6. The man is the major provider. The woman is a help-meet.

I think 2 and 6 are bad pieces of advice.

2. She should not reduce her earning power for any body. If he had any financial difficulty, what will she do?

6. It is very difficult to raise a family, children or not, on one average to middle class person's income. Marriage is a partnership and both partners must continue equitably.

Shokoloko:
1. "Close to four years" is too long.

2. "Insecurity" on the part of a man: The relationship cannot survive. If you decide to try to get him back, consider searching for a lower-paying job

3. Lack of integrity. "doesn't return if he so wishes" - financial assistance must be returned and then the financier can forgive the debt. It goes both ways whether male or female.

4. "never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has - Do I need to explain this as well?

5. "told him about my plans" "All of this moves were known to him" I see an attempt at teamwork here which is good.

6. "ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it." No, wrong move a male spouse or intending spouse is a provider even if you can afford it.

7. "he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife" - from day one he knew. Men usually know what they want permanently and what they want to keep till they find what they want permanently. That's why I said 4 years is too long.

8. "so I decided to call him and he didn't pick" - Do I need to explain this part

I don't want to write my conclusion because it is not what you want to hear. You want him back. I wish you the best of luck.

I truly hope only less than 10% of Nigerian 'men' think like this.

Who are these men who are seeking financial domination? In today's world?

Lol.

Tribalism123:
Girl u failed in many places o.
U are financially okay. That's good.
But don't exercise it to ur boyfriend or husband tomorrow. A man is very proud and responsible when he is the one taking care of ur needs no matter how ALALIJAD u become. Humble urself before him.
U made ur contact. It shows u have more contact than him.
U made ur prompt payment and clearance.
Girl u just intimidated my fellow man.
In his mind, u don't need him except sex or marriage to have children.
And the way u wrote shows that u can tell him someday to keep his money, u will buy ur own house. Very interestingly annoying.
Allow him to be. I Know u have invested four years already. So he has too.
There are hidden attitudes attached to ur financial Independence that is eating him up.
I KNOW he is fed up.

Sorry o.

That ba truth be this.

A lady's financial Independence most often is a threat to her happiness.

I have a friend that is yet to marry today. But she has money. Men are afraid of her because she can get anything for herself.

Surprisingly. A man will always want to approve what his woman will buy even with her own money.


Learn to seek ur man's approval. Very necessary but if course not for the feminists

Maybe he shouldn't have used insulting words.

When did men start being over emotional?

What happened to stoicism?

Benkingg:
Maybe you shouldn't have hung up the call on him... Men do not like that, it may look disrespectful.

According to the OP, the guy was insulting her on the call. Nobody should take abuse from anyone.

The man should keep his emotions in check and think before he speaks.

Ekugbeh:
He called and you ended the call. Do you know what you did. It's like walking out on him while talking.

You don't do that to me, no matter how financially helpful u might ve been. I ve ghosted many ladies becos of it. You re full pride, and he meant everything he said.


Even from your writeup says it all.

She should consult this 'man' about car she is buying for herself with her own money?

Maka Gini?

Is he Innoson?

habsydiamond:
A man will always be a man... Though ur guy beep up too but there is something about we men, that responsibility of being head is important to us.... If u do things without ur guy's consultation, how do u think he will feel like. Relationship without good communication will crash... U must send messages and receive in a relationship.... Carry urselves along with everything. The way I see It. Ur guy don dey pile am up taytay before he come japa no come dey pick ur call or wants to see u.. Try finding him, he will come back. U two need serious talk once he's back

Reread your own post. If it is even 60% accurate, my dear, RUN.

Give Thanksgiving (by feeding some orphans) that he has stopped calling you.

Forget about the previous 4 years, it is gone.

You said you are financially buoyant, why are you 'testing' him with money demands when you're financially buoyant?

If the monies you dashed him are not small, always make it clear whether or not the money being 'borrowed' is dash or a loan. Don't keep quiet and keep things vague, that will inevitably breed resentment.

It is amazing that, despite spending 4 years together, you guys cannot communicate. That does not bode well for any long term relationship.

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

What scares me the most about the current state of Nigeria is that a LOT of people do not value their own lives.

If someone does not value their own life, how can they be expected to value the lives of others?

Mic drop.

tobechi74:
Yes
Son: what does the Bible teach about homosexuality and masturbation.

Dad: I do not know and I do not care to know

Son: But you are a Christian

Dad: yes, A Christian who follows the teaching of Jesus. Christ alone and not the Bible.

Son; But Bible contains Jesus teaching

Dad: true. It also contains the teaching of Paul,the teaching of Moses , the teaching of Elijah and many other teaching. As a Christian, I accept the teaching of Jesus Christ.

Son: Ok, Now what did Jesus teach about masturbation and homosexuality.

Dad: Jesus never mentioned any of them literally but he showed us with illaustration how to treat those whose views are different from ours.

Child: How?

Dad: He never condemned the adultrous woman, he visited tax collectors, he dined with sinners. He showered them with love.

Son : does that mean they won’t go to hell?

Dad: would you derive Joy in Watching your loved one in hell?

Son: No I won’t

Dad: good.

Dad: sex is a way of expressing Love. There are different stages of love. The first is love directed to oneself. A child grows up loving himself.Using sexual analogy, the child derives Joy playing with his body, his genital. Jesus said Love thyself.



Son : hmm

Dad: The second is Love of similar specie.The child begins to extend the love to those of closest to him+ family, friend,tribe etc. A boy plays with a boy.A girl plays with a girl. Using sexual analogy, this is homosexual. Christ preached Love your neighbor.



Son : I see

Dad: The third stage of love is where one loves those different from oneself .Jesus said Love your enemy.your enemy is your opponent, opposite,one with a different view. Sexually, one is attracted to the gender different from him.A boy is attracted to a girl and vice-versa.

Son :

Dad: One who hates masturbators and homosexuals and love heterosexual is no different from one who loves others over himself and his peers.Such person is in a third stage of love.



Son : which is the best.

Dad: All of the above.The fourth type. The pansexual. The attraction to all . Self, male, and female. It is universal love. Agape love. Love without condition.

https://tobechispeaks./2020/09/20/a-christian-dad-and-son-conversation-on-homosexuality/amp/

Lol. Never looked at things in that light.

MJBOLT:

why not?even jesus christ was gay.ask yourself why judas choose to betray jesus with a kiss.

Well one can find almost anything in the Bible.

How many sex workers aren't people's wives?

Sundrus:
that passage encourage people to fucck ashawo than to sleep with other men wives.

Those geles are beautiful.

I wonder if some people think before they talk.

Age does not automatically diminish your attractiveness.

Keep fit, stay happy and you'll be forever young.

Could I bleach palm oil in the oven?

Could I cook this with, say, olive oil first and add the oven-bleached oil later?

Asking because if I try bleaching at home, I'm pretty sure the fire department will be called (and I could be charged).

pocohantas:
I really can’t tell, because I don’t know you definition of medium pot. But a lot would depend on the cost of tatashe in the market. I used N800 tatashe, plus tomatoes and pepper would be N1000. I got a 2.4l bowl from it.




Normal thing. Most foodies no sabi cook and most good cooks are not foodies.



Cover your pot na. I covered mine while it bleached for 15minutes. Put off the burner and took it to the balcony. Left it there, undisturbed and covered.

And this is why I am not able to cook Nigerian food often.

I have not swallowed in many many months.

Your food looks delicious!!

pocohantas:
Pic 1: Bleached palm oil
Pic 2: Initial stage of my pepper mix. Watch the transformation.
Pic 3: My mix is now well fried. It took me 1hr 31mins to get this.
Pic 4: Poured in my stock and meat.

Check out Canada Permanent Residence.

Especially if your wife is also a graduate of at least OND.

Even more especially if she's in the health field.

Ajakaiye83:
I need your advice on above subject matter

I am married but no kids yet.
I have 3m cash with me now.
I am a graduate of engineering discipline with over 10yrs experience.
Never travelled out before.
I am in my late 30s

Thanks

With that background and experience, check out Canada.

Get your HND evaluated by WES and consider PR application. Consider getting another accreditation such as Project Management.

Apply for a 1 year course in building/construction management or Something in your field.

ImDStar:
I am likewise on this table.

3m budget
Civil Engineering HND
3-4 years of working experience
I will be 31 this year
I am Single (but getting lots of pressure to marry my long time girl.)

But I just want to travel out of this country.

I am in a serious dilemma now.

Someone should genuinely advice please.

I think Nigerians abroad should:
- marry people already abroad, African or not,

- if someone is coming from Nigeria, let them come as students or workers first. As you guys continue dating there, you can get more permanently hitched.


The idea that the man provides and the woman does no work is not limited to Nigerians. So don't write off an entire nationality or race because of stereotypes.

sweetmelanin:
Every now and again, I hear new stories about some men getting "betrayed" by a Nigerian spouse whom they've brought abroad.. however, I can't help but notice that they are often the cause of their own misfortune. As harsh as it sounds, some men have had to learn the hard way that ignorance and hero-complex will cost a man far more than he can ever bargain for..

Category 1: Those with a warped mindset of the " 'cultureless' akata"

My experience:
Let's go back to my uni days some years back.. the dating scene was wild, brutal and exciting.. back then, the disparity was huge between the "freshiees" and UK grown blacks (unlike today) .. but yet, I was opportuned to mix and mingle with so many young Nigerian guys who were in the UK as international students at the time.. some also young working professionals ( of which are still life-long friends of mine up till today)...

..whilst on the dating scene, I noticed that a lot of Nigerian guys seemed to have a mentality that "akata" girls were "too exposed" compared to Nigerian girls back home, so they played games with them, often ditching these girls to marry home-based chicks.. I remember having such a silly and childish dream of relocating to Nigeria back then . Hahha.. and thought I would end up with a "freshiie" who would 'take me back to the motherland'.. haha. though I ended up with someone with a migration story just like mine; we both moved to the UK as kids in the early 2000s.. and my husband is a male 'akata' to core ..with no intention whatsoever of moving back.

Truth be told, a lot of guys who had temporary flings with "akata" girls ended up moving back to Nigeria, and are still regretting their decision till today.. Many returned to find their girlfriends had moved on and married older men. Others attempted to bring their girlfriends here to find out they've been used as a mere stepping stone to "greener pastures".


Category 2: Those who used and dumped white women for papers and then brought their "ungrateful Nigerian wives" abroad.

Men who are desperate for papers often opt for the easy way out: marrying an older white woman (and in some cases a poor unsuspecting black woman from another African country who has papers) ... they do this with the mindset that they would bring their "real wife" from Nigeria.
Now when their 'wife' divorces them.. these men will scream betrayal, forgetting the trail of heartbreaks they've left behind.. Now how do such men think they will use a foreign woman, break her heart, and yet live happily ever after with an imported bride?? how??

In summary,

When I hear stories of bitter divorces and men killing their spouse whom they brought from Nigeria I can't help but think this could've been avoided if they focused on settling with a so called "akata". Yes, she may not feign fake 'submission' like home-based Nigerian chicks, but what makes her less likely to 'betray' or mess you up is the absence of entitlement mentality.
...someone coming directly from Nigeria typically has a dog eat dog mentality caused by an oppressive system of lack. Whereas an abroad based chick already learns not to depend on a man from as early as 16 - 17 years of age.. most already have part time jobs as students and know the value of working for their money.. they won't take crap but at least what you see is what you get.. abroad based girls (akatas) are not angels but are far better than the pretenders back home y'all believe are "wife materials".. but people generally hold on to an illusion over what is real.

Reason number 1,000,000 to japa.

I remember when some people, perhaps with short term memory and total ignorance of our history, were praising the army during the #ENDSARS protests.

Smh.