₦airaland Forum

BRATISLAVA:
now you are talking. Everyone was working. But what responsibilities lay financially on each party, if I may ask? And why is it that nowadays we hear silly things like man of the house and submission and emergencies and contribute and bring to the table if we all came from this equal ancestry? Men of the new age in Nigeria generally want to abscond their duties and the easiesr way is to insist that women are doing nothing and should work as they do, clean, provide advice, talk politics like pros, watch soccer, care for children, bring money to the table, while in return all the men want to do is go to work and bring money. Can you see the disparity? One person does all that whole another just goes to work and returns, occasionally helping when they feel they've been pandered to sufficiently. This is why the women don't want to do all that and still give respect and submission. What are modern men contributing to homes? Why is their burden the lightest while they preen like they are lords? The women seem to deserve some "upkeep" as the load is unfair.
Or perhaps this ancestry shows us that men have been lazy and incapable for a very long time. They only planted seeds but women harvested and sold and maintained the home front. What have men been doing down the ages apart from creating imbalanced, unfair and ridiculous expectations from women? Women need pills and to find their own way

Ayotemide:
LOL

As though I expected anything better from you that thinks brashfulness would somehow be the solution.

You are still sitting this one out until it comes home to you and you know how to respond with some EI.

Ayotemide:
[s]I have read your comments half heartedly; "what is going on between husband and wife" you say?

The person who you have mentioned so far has a lot of humanity in him/her and that is evident; you however thinks life-threatening and injuries is a function of 'what is going on' in some damned marriage?

You are speaking without EQ, it is not some bitter truth but rather brash way of telling anyone what to do in such a situation.

Abeg go sit this one out.[/s]

Asetime:
You sound so much better now. With the choice of words, we pass so many emotions even though we may not have meant it that way. You are very right.
However, I have already expressed the grievances I had with you.

Asetime:
If only you understand that essence to life is more about doing your best for the benefit of your neighbour and not about winning a case or not. O well, we see the world through our own eyes

Asetime:
Your statement about "not knowing the full story" implies so. You don't have to sound all brash to pass a message across.

bukatyne:
How did I know you would bring up this example?

First, no sane husband who loves you (it is your duty to choose him, you say yes) will jump on you while you are dry yada yada if these chores are a one time thing. E.g. You deep cleaning on Saturdays might make you tired. If you use the cop out of chores to absconf from your sexual duty daily, fa fa fa fowl!

For an average man to 'force' himself on the wife means she has been giving him this same tired story all the time and some would rather force their wives than commit adultery. Just how the wives spike their husbands' drinks and jump on him.

If a wife is constantly 'tired' as a result of chores, she needs to sit back to review her schedule. Am I focusing on too much necessary stuffs? Are there stuffs I can enlist my husband to be responsible for? Can I outsource these things? Or is it a time management thingy? Or is that I am no longer attracted to my husband because he has served his purpose of delivering me from spinsterhood and given me kids?

After honest accessment, the wife should engage her husband with her findings and they work towards a resolution that suits all the parties.

If it is a mindset thing, she renews her mind to love her husband and accept the gift of his sexuality. Sometimes, the woman is dry because she is not turned on by him or at all. She can tell him to massage her body or give her adequate pre-intimacy to set her in the mood and before she knows it, she is gyrating to his strokes.

Have you ever wondered why most mothers are never tired to attend to the needs and wants of their kids because they see them as priority?

Have you ever wondered why most girlfriends cook, clean and fvck their bfs because they are still looking for the ring?

Sex is God's gift to humanity in marriage. It restores, makes a woman glow, makes a man tender and loving, makes a woman submissive, binds them together, is a form of recreation and multiplication. It is also a major stress reliever (people tired can try it esp. when the partner is gentle), keeps up with unity in marriage, allows for the opening and joining on a physical and soul level.

One of the major ways a man expresses lo e to his wife is that he is always fascinated with her body and he wants to make love to her. One of the major ways a woman expresses love to her husband to receiving his sexual advances with joy and enthusiasm.


The Red Pillers and Pick Up Artists know this and advise husbands and men generally to cheat once in a while so they are not 'addicted' to their wives. Extreme feminists also know this and bring up martial rape and all sorts to tell a wife her body is hers to control in marriage.

And what does LordKO always support me even mean?

P. S.: You don't need to thank me or acknowledge I am right. Just keep these things to heart and practice in your marriage and testify to others.

Remember that the Yam and the Knife are in your hands. You have the power of choice. Choose a sane man who loves you.

Asetime:
How does one be his or her brothers keeper if no one bothers to stand up for right or wrong. No matter the other side of the story, nothing justifies such battery. Op u have tried. God and the universe itself rewards your type.

Pussywar:
[s]The length y'all would go to try and destroy feminism.
First of all, you should know that a housewife can be a feminist.
Secondly, whether he want to give his 'feminist' wife upkeep is the mans business.
Thirdly, what the Bleep is " wives who deserve it "? Y'all toxic males need prayers.[/s]

ziddy:
Ever wondered why Nigerian society is full of psychopaths? Most of the people get it direct from their mothers' milk!

Just look at those bitter women up there for example, they hold society responsible for their decision to stay in toxic relationships with the end goal of conning the man (who already treats them badly, by the way) into marriage, and then having their revenge on him while they are married.

bukatyne:
I wish.

loswhite:
so they should be willing to spend their hard earned money also

computergeek:
The best security a woman can have is her own gainful source of income. If that woman has something doing, I'm not sure she'd go back to an adulterer who beat her with the intent to murder. Women, please be careful with your lives. Think about your kids. If you die, who will look after them? Don't let society pressurize into marrying beasts.

bukatyne:
I have moved on joor.

A dead woman sending a note sounds more interesting.

[b]Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya
But I ain't done much healing
Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet
There's such a difference between us
And a million miles
Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry
For everything that I've done
But when I call you never
Seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry
For breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly
Doesn't tear you apart anymore
Hello, how are you?
It's so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry
I hope that you're well
Did you ever make it out of that town
Where nothing ever happened?
It's no secret
That the both of us
Are running out of time
So hello from the other side (other side)
I must've called a thousand times (thousand times)
To tell you I'm sorry
For everything that I've done
But when I call you never
Seem to be home
Hello from the outside (outside)
At least I can say that I've tried (I've tried)
To tell you I'm sorry
For breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly
Doesn't tear you apart anymore
Oh, anymore
Oh, anymore
Oh, anymore
Anymore
Hello from the other side (other side)
I must've called a thousand times (thousand times)
To tell you I'm sorry
For everything that I've done
But when I call you never
Seem to be home
Hello from the outside (outside)
At least I can say that I've tried (I've tried)
To tell you I'm sorry
For breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly
Doesn't tear you apart anymore[/b]
Adele.

I know the other side is not the grave but....

bukatyne:
First, stop editting my posts: There is nothing like rape in marriage. This is my original post:



@Bold, I am not surprised you have comprehension issues neither am I the cause of your bitterness towards men.

This consent is two way; a man and woman give consent to their wife and husband on the wedding day.

At last paragraph, still reeks of no comprehension. What is a strong independent married woman? Have you ever seen someone who is independent? How does it even tie into Glory Osei's case who pretended to be a 'single independent woman' with no use for men while she was very married.

Pardon me, I am losing patience for unintelligent discussions.

If you want to engage me, please bring your brains along.

ZIMDRILL:
when we say working we aint talking about traditional working, we mean the present day type of working were women are both playing the traditional roles of being wive and also doing a 9-5 job or just a job that we nolonger look at the wife as a housewive

you need to look back into history to find out where did the culture of upkeep came from, colonization affected our social and economics way of life, they took our lands and we had to start to work for them, the land was nolonger free to cultivate, wives and family stayed in the villages while husbands worked for the white men in towns

with time people admired the whitemans why of life, those working for the whiteman would chat girls saying marry me and i will take you to town and will buy you all things you like, his was the begining of the upkeep money, a village girl would prefer to married to someone who worked in towns, life in towns was admired and looked easy than village where you go fetch water firewood etc no electricity

i guess you know get my drift

Plead:
CC crackhaus

ZIMDRILL:
you are missing the whole picture on your history, yes women worked but they worked under men i.e either as wife or daughter either way, the wealth they produced was under man not themselves, and for them to called being wealth she had to be married. Even if the husband died she wasnt allowed to walk away with her husband's (or their) wealth, she must remarry the late husband brothers if not she would go back to her parents empty handed

remember, upkeep money is concept of making a woman believe that you got enough money to look after her, while you do the hard work, hence we hear ladies who say i want a men who can look after me, meaning she wants to be looked after like those broiler chickens

then being looked after came with its own problems yes the man can look after you financially but that doesnt stop him from being abusive as he can control you as you dont have any financial source of your own, hence we find women of today going to skol and achieving like their male counter parts, the reason being they dont want to be just a house wife who just get handed money but they want to take part in building that home financially and not taken for granted as just a wife

Guest007:
Call who?

bukatyne:
I was going to say this.

Like I always say, when it comes to marriage, the average Nigerian man & woman is very dysfunctional.

A shitty guy would not lose his sting after marriage especially in our society where people are reluctant to separate or divorce.

UjuJoan2:
I'm not making a case for or justifying anything. I can't remember expressly stating that it was right, did I? I'm just stating a fact and pointing out how people can react to situations.

It might not be a case of consiously nursing a plan, it could just be a reaction to the realisation that staying with him through all that just wasn't worth it to begin with.

Your own example doesn't quite reflect the situation I was describing. In reality have you ever met a man who would marry his cheating fiancee who is not even remorseful? That never happens. But we see women marry their cheating fiances everyday, even when they show no remorse.

The situation is clearly not ideal. If it were, no woman will ever sell herself short. But the society has labelled single women over 30 failures, so women tend to remain in terrible situations just to feel accomplished.

In any case, I don't think cheating in a relationship is 'cheating' in the real sense. If you want someone to be committed to you, marry them . (This is strictly a personal opinion)

UjuJoan2:
Do you even realise than men change too after marriage? It's not one-sided.

I know a man who shaved off his dred because the girl he was courting didn't like it. Guess what happened after they got married? He grew it right back!

Men also get married just to tick the box and do what the society expects of men. A lot of men date 'crazy' girls but when the time for marriage comes they go for 'homely' girls, just to please their family.

I'm clearly not justfying such behaviour, but it doesn't change the fact that it happens everyday.

Guest007:
I told you, I can't cope

CHoccolaTE:
They like telling themselves that women need marriage to continue existing or to be happy.

franchasng:
She left her husband because he was not treating her well and went to squat with a stranger, a man who is now raping her daughter and she is hiding it to avoid being thrown out of the house by the stranger man.


If she could endure a stranger molesting her and her daughters, why couldn't she endure her husband's ill character and engaged in things that fetched her money while she saves money gradually to get her own apartment

Just wondering



Meanwhile op, if you don't have money to help them rent an apartment, please stay out of it, talk is not help, help involves financial commitment and if you are not capable of committing financially, just stay on your lane and stop being a wusie

bukatyne:
So the lady they are sending the pictures to has their pictures to do she wishes after the contest.

Anyways, reminding me to make my waist beads.

UjuJoan2:
I'm honestly not bothered about them, I know how difficult it is for MEN to accept the truth that their actions have direct consequences in the long run. Nigerian men are laden with this 'God complex' and most times it's difficult for them to realize that they will have to be held accountable for their mistakes, just like use mere mortals (women).

Let's take for instance a man who dated a woman for 10 years, probably even dis-virgined her . . at the point when he becomes finally stable he realizes she's not his 'type' and begins to mess around with other women. The will act like they are doing her a favor. . . . The woman, who thinks the odds are already against her will stay and hope he comes around eventually. But it doesn't stop the resentment from building. It doesn't stop the hatred from brewing . . . Eventually when he marries her after dangling marriage around like a carrot, and she realizes the burden of raising his family is actually on her, she sees the enormity of the sacrifices she has to make and realizes he's just not worth it and never earned her, she begins to act up. . . . Actions = Reactions!!! I'm a marriage counselor of sorts and I know what I see/hear on a regular basis.

Same goes for a cheating man . . . Many women will never walk out of a cheating spouse. But if a woman is aware of her husband's indiscretions, there's noting stopping her from doing same. I know the men will want to have my neck for this too, but it's just the truth. Any woman who gladly accepts a cheating husband is definitely cheating herself. I just pity these men who cheat and flaunt it thinking their wives have no option. She may play the docile wife, but who knows what she's also up to.

Untill men learn to respect and treasure women, there will always be dysfunctional marriages.

Guest007:
Stranger danger

Olivegreen:
Wow!!! How "Noble of you"(air quote)
I am not an internationally renowed novelist or the first lady or a celebrity but the last time I checked..... So are you.
I mean no one knows you crackhaus but last time I checked, you too are posting on this same thread in a fit to try an convince other n/l members of your view on this topic so why stop me??!!

Haven't ever heard of "dream big, start small?"

This is me starting small dear