₦airaland Forum

On my own bed. Some recent fantasy that has eluded the previous one of a nak-ed partner cooking for me.

Babes, you still dey this same level with this your LDR guy. Why do you keep stressing yourself all the time. Its either you don't love him or you do. Its either you want to be with him or you don't want to be with him.

Every time you keep posting the same thing. Your happiness and peace of mind is what is important, just find the guy that would give you those two lovely things and if your bf is giving them to you then stick with him and please reduce the stress because you are too young 4 it. Hope this is not how you stress him, I am just asking because you need to chill and enjoy life. Life is a risk, what would be would be. Try and concentrate on your own development and do things that makes Lacrissa happy and fulfilled (be selfish like that), every other thing would fall into place.

There is nothing like promise, she should move on and count it as an experience. She can even commit everything to God and challenge God, she would get a better person. Everyone at one point or the other have been stupid, played or fooled just that ego wont allow people admit it. But everyone is still alive and breathing which is the most important thing. Both of them are not destined for each other, she would meet her own guy. God has showed her the signs and revelations but if she stays put then that is the devil at work and she would regret it for the rest of her life as she is 27(no time), the guy is abroad & his commitment has obstacles. Destiny can't be cheated no matter how people try maybe their marriage would have led to early deaths, no issue/child, poverty, extra-marital affairs etc. So some bad circumstances are blessings in disguise. There is time for everything.

As for the money, time, energy etc that she wasted, people lose money and fall sometimes to rise really high. Those are just the price she has paid for the good things ahead & the marathon blessings that would come her way. You would be back here to express what God has done for her. For someone to get to the top in life, the person must go through ups, downs, trials & tribulations, she would be fine and most importantly she would learn lessons from the experience which would make her wiser in her next relationship.

pro01:
Chai Cuddletemi, do you live in naija? I doubt it. Anyways, not too many gurls here walk up to a guy and proposition him. I would so love that to be more commonplace.

Pro1tiwa, do you live in naija? I doubt it. Anyways it does happen, its not like they are on a rampage or its planned by ladies, its just impulse and spur of the moment. You might never experience it but its an ongoing stuff. Nothing in it na. You like what u see, u go for what u see only that naija men are fond of taking advantage of things like that. But if men can promise to be good, I am sure it would soon be more common.

I don't understand the world again. I thought women wanted tlc and love but now the story has changed. The earlier women understand that men are not breeding money machines the better for everyone. I think women should find a way of making their own money so that high expectations, disappointment and dependency would reduce. There is so much bliss & pride in human beings having their own money, they have control over it & can make use of it whenever they deem fit. Even when there is a spring of money from a guy, it can run dry at any point in time that is where your own funds would be useful as an ocean.

Skii:
@Poster, You need to get a restraining order

Where and from whom? Too much CSI tv series. I don't think it has gotten to that extent. She should just express her concerns to him, if he is still stubborn, then she ignores him and moves on with her life.

This thread is quite interesting. I don't get the part of you having houses in Enugu and Lagos, she being your worker, you having numerous cars etc. Aren't you scared of being scammed or armed robbery attack that you are declaring your assets like that. Even dem Otedolas, Dangote & Adenugas are quite humble people who never list their assets on the internet. You must pay your property mgr very well that she purchased a car for you. Even societal ladies hardly buy cars with customized plate nos for their bfs, you are more than endowed oh, hmmm.

jbx:
I appreciate u all,both the insult muggers and the advising puppets.me goin broke for one month means i have to spend out of bugget,a man is a prisoner of his emotion,they say being in love means staying when u have every reason to go,this was a gal who never knew her dad,and the mun ain't the caring type,i can boldly say i'm all she got for now,but it baffles me how she put up such attitude towards me.

So after the reasonable comments and advice given to you by a lot of concerned nlanders, this is all you can say. This is really a serious issue O.

Well ladies have gone through worse things, some didn't grow up with their dads or tagged a bastard, some lost their moms & had terrible step-moms, some were orphans at early ages so that's even meant to make a lady appreciate any good gesture or gift or act of kindness handed to her. If she has gone through a lot and you have been helping her even to the extent of spending out of budget then you are even better than an angel for those acts of kindness.

Her calling you a stingy bastard, its either she is not learned, hence she used the wrong words to say Thank you or you forced/dragged her into a relationship, it wasn't a joint agreement or mutual decision, you just wanted a gf. For a lady that is not even opportuned or not getting care from her mom, 15k to me is like you bought her a whole village, she is meant to use all she has to thank you but this story has some missing elements and doesn't sound ok.

No cohabitation before marriage but I strongly believe intimate compatibility should be tested before marriage, true story. Its so sad after the long wait, so much anxiety and preparation only to end up unsatisfied, unhappy, not properly pleasured, no climax, short duration, lack of coordination, panic attack & fights etc. Its best you are compatible in all aspects with whomever you are marrying so you wont regret even knowing your partner let alone getting married to them or even wish you could sell them off like they did Joseph. I repeat sexual or intimate compatibility is very important but don't rush it so you wont be irritated & disappointed.

REALITY101:
OMG roflmao still lmao lool lwkmd. I never knew people like this still exist. Talk about weirdo. Lmao @ abandoning his destination to go wherever you're going with you. Poor dude don't even wanna work hard to eradicate the poverty syndrome. Loool I will save this page, my female cousins must read this ;d ;d ;d ;d. @poster please quit using whatever lotion you're applying on your body that attracts the bee on you.

Lol very wise point I swear. Instead of the guy to think of how he would make money, become rich & successful, he is chasing the op around hence no achievement (no cash, no babe). What a waste, this happens when peeps cant identify their priorities. Fine everyone makes mistakes but you can amend it with accomplishments & success. Instead of the op to strive to become a great man so those that castigated him b4 wld be ashamed he is stalking a lady.

@op, realistically, nothing you do would deter him from u. He would think its all a challenge for him to get you. The best way is to handle it by being straight forward, you are not interested & if he continues like this you would have no choice but to eliminate all communications with him. He would get tired as some point, just face what you are in school for and ignore all his stress. But don't insult him in the process so you don't say things you can't take back, you don't know tomorrow you might need his help or he might be a governor later.

You can even advice him on how to make it in life, like a business he can do, you can go an extra mile to gather little funds from your parents, friends etc for him to starts something small at least you have done your best. You can also buy him affordable clothes, provisions etc love-vendor him up, I am sure there are some ladies not necessary in your class but a normal babe that would appreciate him, just take him up as a charity case. He might just need a little love and amenities. Don't go out of your way but just help him a little & continue with your life. Your class na high profile O, so they don't do poor guys, na wa.

@op
First of all, let me greet you, Happy Sunday. Can't you read between lines? That babe is not interested in you again and your reply to her even confirms that you are not a sharp guy, she is probably making jest of you right now. She is just toiling around with you like a toddler cos she knows you have all the time for such crap & you have loved up big time. My candid advice for you is to please move on, no need bothering about that babe, too much drama and the drama would continue unless you decide you need a stress free life. (DRAMA :cheated on u, sent u a text about you two not having compatibilities & then tells you not to say irrelevant things because you mentioned financial stability & its ability to disappear at some point etc).

Lols at your babe's outburst. I doubt its because you gave your chick 15k for xmas that she called you that.

Sometimes ladies bottle up aggression, pain & anger out of the treatment served to them by their partners so when they have been pushed to the wall for far too long & cant take it no more they pour out all the stored anger like a bomb that's why constant communication is important.

Its possible you are a cheat, or she is aware that you have other ladies or share her money to several ladies so its hard blaming her when we are only hearing one side of the story. Its possible you have hurt her in the past or she has been unhappy in the relationship.

Its so unrealistic, its 15k na, not 500naira. You also stated that it was your last card & u would be broke for 1 month, so she is meant to worship u for that heroic stand. Its an unrealistic story, is it that you don't deserve xmas with humans that you inconvenienced yourself for another person's xmas. I expected her to share the money into 2 equal halves for the 2 of you that is true love. I think both of you need to evaluate your relationship by going back to the drawing board, the relationship is rubbish.

pro01:
@OP

Cos they know that their 'Sugardaddy' (no pun intended), wouldn't marry them. And so they have to take proactive steps to hook themselves up with a husband before their biological clock ticks until it can tick no more. A woman that is around 30 or above cannot be sitting pretty on her wrinked behind waiting for the elusive Mr. Perfect to come her way. If not, she go wait until her yansh rust for the bench of Spinsterhood FC.

@pro1,

Not everything is marriage related or prone to commitment. Some ladies make the first move just for intimacy sake and after that its adios. You see a guy you fancy sexually, there is tension, there is chemistry and you know the intimate compatibility is on point so you make the move just for adventure sake.

@topic
There is absolutely nothing wrong with ladies making the first moves these days, I think its sexy and has led to marriages for a lot of ladies which I have witnessed first hand. Its not really about desperation or the need to settle down or whatever, its more of opportunity comes once or maybe the ones you have been meeting doesn't meet your criteria or you just like that guy & want to own that guy. I suggest before a babe makes the first move, be sure the guy is available & needs a partner, that's wiser. This is a jet age, so exposed guys overlook stuffs and its amusing to them, excites them & they don't take advantage of the lady toasters.

Whats with all these death rolls all over the place. Its sad that ladies now take their lives these days. Lord have mercy on our souls. The painful thing is that these ladies are always good looking, accomplished, well read & have a source of livelihood but that's never enough.

To think some human beings are never thankful of what they have, we always want more. At least we are breathing and living that to me is more than enough to be thankful for, this festive season. May her soul rest in perfect peace, only God knows what could have triggered such an act. 25 years, wow, I pity her parents right now.

Congratulations mentor! As always I wish you the very best in your marriage with skydeep. May the good Lord that started it continue to spice & decorate it with all the good things, your heart desires, your goals, your aspiration, your success & your accomplishments. Amen. Enjoy ur babe forever, its official now! How is lil xysky?

@dyt, sharap y didn't u represent us there, u suppose dey give life updates by now .
I am angry jor

Goldieluks:
I hope you are not indirectly referring to me at any stage, on this post of yours?
cause am past this ish already!

I wasn't referring to u. I was passing message across to Sexkillz jokingly and she insulted me indirectly.

This is not worth it abeg. Apologies to everyone. Sexkillz, ID, Goldie & Freecocoa. This is so childish and degrading. Please carry on with the poem. Sorry I intruded and derailed.

wonders shall never end. wonder how pple who practically would be buried here can identify pple that r seeking notice me. smh. dey claim pple should get a life outside nland yet they pitch their tent here 24/7. they are the same ones who know fake people who rat out friends. they also know dreamers. stupid idiots forgets that they have a big mouth that gossips and they have at some point misyarned off nl. how memory fails some area bleeping fathers and mothers. stupid bullies with little achievements tied to their belts except of course noise making n taunting. they cant even dress up their gang member properly. day of reckoning wld come soon, its a matter of time.

nice poetry but wrong choice of name. but all in all its ok!

sexkillz:
[color=#000055][size=14pt]Intruders are not welcome. . . She's my Baby Love and you cant do nothing about it. . . Find somewhere else to shed your tears biko! [/size][/color]

If she means that much to you then give her a special name unique to her alone. Why must she bear the same name with another person's love. Skillz, change it to something else like Nairaland Fresh Love or something. That is a sacred name and you are desecrating it for me. But if you want to retain it then get ready. I can kill for Nairaland Baby Love just like u kill sex.

Sexkillz, I feel so offended. You know I nicknamed him Nairaland Baby Love. That was my pet name for him on here (everyone knew) and now you use it for NJ. Are you both in love 4 real and serious? I am so unhappy because its a unique name for him alone. And u know how I get with him. I am so hurt.

Give her your own unique name abeg so that when I mention baby love, they wont think I am referring to her or am a lesbo. Abeg no one would put sand in your new garri, ejo!!!

^^ I don't care about her friend in question. I just need to know she in the right relationship with the right guy and the right commitment. She should bother about her own emotions so she shld get her relationship defined and solid. If the guy is not on the same wave length (which is obvious) she should move on because prevention is better than cure. She deserves better. Well we all have our opinions. At the end, its her decision to make.

sexkillz:
[color=#000055][size=14pt]With all the rambunctious comments on this thread, this seems to be the only one with a modicum of truth. I go with this. She is LYING with Swagger! I mean, "She told me she'd had some intimate relation with the dude last year, and i just shrugged it off."
Just a shrug off? She expected you to flare up, and you did not! So she had to try again. "This past thursday she casually told me she had se.x with him on tuesday." How possible? You dont just re enter two people's lives and start announcing your sex[i]u[/i]al activities. NO NO NO! It has to be kept secret for a while at least! It has to be a war! But she wants you to start that war your own self, so she is lying to you. I can bet my laptop charger that she is also lying to your boyfriend. She doesnt want to see you two together, so this seems to be the only way forward. . .

I could be wrong, and you can be wrong too. The only way to find out is to ask him. And when asking him, ask him POINTBLANK, and when he is not expecting. Ask him as a matter of fact, and not just " So so & so said you slept with her! Just go straight and ask, "Why the bloody hell would you have to sleep with so so and so?
I guess you are good at detecting emotions, you should know who is lying when you see one! I commend your ability to keep cool on two occasions though, after hearing such nonsense. . . Quite rare!
Make sure you ask him first before you take any decision. . .[/size][/color]

Well done. Don't push her to the path of destruction. Does the guy love her? Does he want to spend his rest of his life with her? Are they even in a relationship because they have not declared their stands? Are you aiding sex amongst 2 pple who don't know their bearing and are you asking her to put up with a guy dt gets high? So its ok for 2 friends to shag the same guy at yearly or monthly interval? Are you saying she doesn't deserve something better and more solid. Please you and I both know she needs to move on from childish occurrences and mingle with a matured mind. She deserves better, far more better.

Lets put aside her female friend, what commitments has the guy showed her aside intimacy? Please answer what the 3 years younger guy has done to make her happy? Except we are saying FWB is worth having an heartache over then I might as well tie you down with that.

Amya:
i believe all you all said and i'm going to break it off with him. But can i still be friends with him (not her) i enjoy conversing with him a lot as he's the only person i can confide in and really talk to. I promise never to be intimate with him again.

But can i ask a question, does the fact they waited for 3/4 months before attempting s.ex actually count for anything? Why wait for that long if it was all just a game? Why did it have to happen when  he was drunk and she was sober? Why was it a very awkward and dis-satisfying for both of them (as she said) why did she tell me?

Its not abt 5 or 10 months before sex but the guy in question. I don't think you should dwell on him even for friendship because from the way you are typing, its obvious the feelings is very strong so its easy to relapse and re-feed on him. Break away for a while & look else where for a matured guy.

Realistically, if you stick with their routine, you would get hurt because you modeled for it and you would have made a wrong decision twice. Remember the first time, you didn't heed to Nland peep's advice and now if you don't listen then shame on you if he fools you twice.

What were you expectations with him? I mean where did you picture both of you in 2 or 3 years?

MRbrownJAY:
@poster
funny how you wrote "she knows we are having a r/ship", when you yourself dont even know how to categorize the type of r/ship you have with this guy. here is a simple question to you: IS HE YOUR BF?! ARE YOU IN AN EXCLUSIVE R/SHIP?

to your bestie, it may simply be that you are just fukcing this guy, just like she did back in the days. one thing is certain, THEY both see nothing wrong in "sharing a good thing", so i suggest you do the same or move on with your life.

there is ONLY one way to solve this issue (IMHO):
- dump the lot (who clearly have no respect for you) and move on with your life.

@op
Please read this very well, he couldn't have said it better

Amya:
nah, i doubt that. What i do know for sure is that she used me to get close to him as she clearly knows that she can't have an independent friendship with him, he would never agree to that. So she got close to me to get close to him. If i visit her, she makes me call him to come over to her apartment where the 3 of us would chat and all that. She antagonizes me then and showers him with praise and always like to talk about that time they were still friends and the crazy things they did e.t.c

That's not the point.

I advise you take goldie, slimyem and especially Mrbrownjay's comment because he diffused it all for your consumption. I was going to write something similar. For heaven sake, that guy is 3 years younger than you so obviously his thinking and exposure might be different. He might not be matured at heart. You can't tie a young guy down, he probably still experimenting or finding his bearing in life. I even think your friend has a better control of her emotions & can play the game better than you because she understands that its an understanding(u scratch my back, i scratch urs).

But u r bringing love into the mix, when u get into the room for intimacy with someone who has not professed his love for you, committed to you or told you he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, you have to leave your heart behind, psyche urself its just a di-ck and move on. Never ever go into fwb or something slightly above with someone you care about so much cos u wld get hurt. I think you are too lady like for this arrangement, just let go. I don't blame the boy cos everyone has their own style.