₦airaland Forum

Sensationalism at its best...For every one man that snaps (yeah snaps cos that's not normal behaviour.i agree though that some people are mentally unstable and can't cope when dealt with hurtful blows) and kills his wife and makes his children orphans effectively there are 20 that move on. Of course we will get to hear of those that snap cos bad news travels faster.

Besides i don't even think it's aNigerian man or Nigerian thing (every community has its idiosyncracies so maybe the Nigerian issue is the wife growing 'wings' or not showing respect) I think its just people snapping and killing their spouses. I still heard on the news this week about a spanish guy (can't remember the nationality but oyinbo sha) who killed his wife and chopped her into pieces.

fem29:
Yess ooo I can't wait until they are totally independent, heck then they will do all the housework whilst I rest.

Love them to bits but I spend entirely too much time with them. Cos they're twins childcare is totally out of the question, would be paying 1.5k at least monthly for the two of them. So stuck at home waiting for them to start school.

I so feel you on childcare but don't worry it's all for a good cause. I will suggest though that once in a while drop them off (I know it might be a bit trickier with twins boys esp my one drives me up tge wall ) with a trusted person (not hubby ).If you can afford it maybe nursery or playgrou.p once or twice a week.It helps for them to interact with other children and also good for you to get away from them once in a while. It also helps them to settle in school a bit quicker (children are different though).

In some Boroughs you can get 15 hours free childcare for 2 year olds (its mean tested in some areas cos I know my son did not qualify)

5minsmadness:
Oh come oooon.

So no matter what the woman does the man always has to suck it up and be the bigger person. But tomorrow you people will be arguing for headship and equal partnership ish.

Marriage is just unfair to men.

I did not say the man I said one person. Who told you that I have not had instances where I have been the bigger person too?

women generally tend to be the ones asked to suck it up and 'make the marriage work' abi is it not being the bigger person that makes people ask someone to 'pray' for a cheating spouse.

Oga you must have me down for someone else argue headship ke 'to your tent o israel' everyone should do what works for their marriag
e.
Besides uneasy lies the head that wears the crown so is the 'head' not meant to sacrifice more

pickabeau1:
That is hubby
Moreover you never said u wanted out
Dealing with relocation is different from saying no marriage
My point is that this is not the first time this woman sharpens her tongue on this man
The man don tire

Ok o Mr Pickabeau

I don taya

OP you need to apologise for the threat .Believe me we all have one thing we want to change about our spouse but that's the irony you can't change another human being to what you think they should be not even your children.Be the bigger person I was talking about and apologise.

Try not to issue threats and ultimatums when discussing issues.Some people don't respond well to 'talks' which aim to highlight their flaws (even though I know uv admitted yours).Sometimes written communication in a non accusatory way might be a good way to pass thoughts across.

pickabeau1:
Whether you call it empty or not
The woman said I no do
The man said OK..dey go Na

Why are u blaming d man for granting her request

Because sometimes in marriage its not always about being right or having the upper hand or having the last word or ego or power tussle or mind control etc. .

I also don't think its good to throw the D word around but you know what very early in my marriage I said some things that I now look back and am not proud of (e.g I once told hubby I would have been better off in Nigeria if he did not bring me to come and suffer in the UK ) amongst some other silly imature things. You know what he choosing to overlook my silliness at those times was him being the bigger person and moving forward because the marriage meant more to him than my silliness at the time .

pickabeau1:
Another home holder

So if he leaves the house for her.

You are ok

What does I am.not interested in marriage mean again ?

Is it different from divorce
.LOL

That's why I said empty threats naa if you want to leave why don't you just leave without announcement? People that want to leave just do it so all that her 'announcement' was childish.

That said it's not about who leaves the house .It's more one person choosing not to act as childish and immature as the next person. They sha slept in that house till the next morning.

raumdeuter:
You saw the bold below right?
She stated her desires to LEAVE in plain words no misinterpretations here.
================================================================================
They are staying together because they are in a marriage, If one party isn't interested in the marriage any longer then its logical they don't continue to stay in the same house
Since the OP indicated her desires to leave, Should she be held against her wish?
If she believes its their house would she say she wants to leave? Do you leave your property?

I agree with your last sentence a bit sha. I know he too gave her 'transport fare' to add melodrama to it too joor.

I know couples fight (me and my husband have had our fair share) but one person knowing when to diffuse tension or soft pedalling for the other helps..Humour helps as well.If hubby gives me transport money(won't happen though just saying) the next morning after an argument I will tell him I will use it to buy a top because this is my house. What's your own sef so you too are taking what I said seriously (I agree that individuals and relationships differ though) He too could have also said in a joking manner ' so madam will you be here when I get back'

Me I am not blaming the husband because i know some people hate being threatened but I think he could have also not gone down her melo dramatic route.

That said there seems to be underlying issues that they both need to sort out.

raumdeuter:
If [b]someone in your house [/b]told you they want to leave, isnt the courteous thing to give them transport fare and give her intructions on how to leave the house?
Assuming the man threw her stuff out now without her mentioning her intention to leave then we can say he kicked her out

Not holding brief for empty threats (OP threatening divorce at sign of conflict is a no no) but its THEIR house naa oga.

She said I am not interested in the marriage(agreed wrong ) not I want to go back to my father's house..That transport fare gesture kinda signals 'this is more my house than yours'.

fem29:
lol it is true oo, I have researched how to break your hand on google

Don't worry they will soon grow up and not want to talk to you (that's what I console myself with ) When people with older kids say 'enjoy them now they grow so fast' I roll my eyes and think to myself ' ok for you to say'.

Ewuro4:
Lol..you should visit here sometime.

Dat una own no be for humans There is this new series I stumbled on while channel flipping .Its called Fortitude and its set in the Arctic all the white landscape just made me fall asleep halfway

I like Sun jare. I be ara oko isale eko as naijababe will say I don't get skiing holidays. .Give me the Caribbean or sunny climes anyday

Iyabodeh instead of you to feel sorry for me.

Today's cold na waya o I almost froze on the the platform I can't wait to get home meen

naijababe:
Omo iya mi, I dey kampe o. Na work dey troway pikin like say hin be stone o

@ my fellow Scandal viewers, na the vice president kidnap am now, at least according to the S4 E11.................honestly Shonda Rhimes must be a real drama queen in real life, I mean the direction she taking her shows, I tire for the woman abeg!

Ko easy but we need am.

Walahi Shondaland must be a big mass of melodrama
That's what pays her bills anyway so she is allowed.

I wanted to say something on this thread but I will bite my tongue

OP don't keep resentment in your heart when you are not comfortable with a situation. Let him know that he is making you uncomfortable. You can try the 'guardian sponsor/parent' is coming around route if you want to be diplomatic but if not just tell him you don't want a roommate.Shikena.

Phewww some people wan turn me to referee by fire by force right now am feigning deafness

God bless that person who invented earphones

Make some children no come pin mi lemi jare (CC translate ) na pesin born me too

Happy Saturday everyone

Ewuro4:
Damiso, you're right they have no issues with non yorubas, my dad will say 'shebi omo Yoruba niwo' when you start forming western , I must kneel for my mil when they're present or will hear my history my brother once brought a Hausa lady and see them all ( with dad) speaking and laughing in Hausa sef, she didn't kneel oh

My mum and your dad must be related. 'Sebi omo yoruba niwo' is her exact phrase

bukatyne:
LOL @ last statement
The MIL might be a traditional ruler or from a royal family
There is a difference between a MIL demanding for what her kids don't give her and what clearly her kids give her.
Your friend will be courting serious trouble if she said 'I don't feel like kneeling for MIL and I will not'

Like my mum I tend to kneel or at least courtesy for even non yoruba elderly folks cos my mum has a lot of greetings do's and don't s and my gosh did she drill that into us.(me and my mother are so unalike in alot of ways I guess my dad's genes are stronger ) cos greeting mannerism honestly don't bother me.All those 'sis aunty ' ish my name is dami 'aunty' is not on my birth cert abeg.My younger sis fiance is older than I am and wanted to start calling me 'mummy my kids name' as per married inlaw things I told my sis to tell him to stop it abeg.

My mum tried with no avail to get my siblings to stop calling me by first name but with time and no compulsion my younger bro just says 'sis' Some days he still calls me by name and I see no biggie in it.

She was shocked that I don't even courtesy or help my sis in law with her bag ( you should see her giving me daggers from where she was sat ) Its not like she is a bad person or would necessarily be a 'wicked' MIL she is just traditional about stuff like that.

Funny enough if you are non yoruba she has absolutely no issues with you not kneeling if you say hi sef she will see nothing wrong. I knew that cos she never took offence to any of my igbo friends (and i have loads) not kneeling to greet.But let her hear 'bukky or dami' then you say 'hi' or just stand not even small 'courtesy'(she is abit liberal she no need two knees on the floor just lil courtesy) I will hear wen that day.

She is chilling a bit now sha me and my siblings don show her no be small esp my sister that one even says' hi mum ' just to wind her up and she always falls for it

Omoge naija naijababe where art thou mon ke siyin o how every naa

Iyabodeh how are u huni


Happy Friday everyone. ..Thank God its Friday woohoo

aisha2:
Hahahahahaaa, those die by fire prayers no be small something oh. One of my mother in laws friends was gisting us how her daughter in law who practically licked her nyash before they married was praying die by fire the day she went to visit them. She had gone on work related issues and decided to spend the time with the couple na so she begin hear die, die, die for night. She say fear no gree her in the morning she pack her load say she dey go the hotel wey them office rent for them
The girl had a smug look as if to say " yes I have conquered this winch woman lol. My mother in law told her its good for her shebi she was carried away by eye service, that when the ars-e kissing becomes too much that her no dey gree oh That my husband brought one babe before who woke up 5am to start cleaning she begged her to go back to sleep as the maids will fo it in ththe morning for where. That when they broke up she started sending my mother in law text calling her ungrateful that after all she had done for her lol, na der my in law do thanksgiving oh lol

Na wa for all this die die prayers o.. I can't wrap my head around 'die' in the same sentence as 'prayer' ..even if me and a person don't get along I will avoid you and keep to my lane but to wish 'death' upon the person that nurtured and cared for the man you now call husband na wa o.

People say I can't say what might have happened but I know I would have had a very good relationship with my MIL.I think i can judge by the kind of relationship I have with my SIL who is the closest thing to a mother figure that hubby has.My hubby's family are quite 'mind your businessy' people but they are still very nice and approachable. What you see is what you get no high expectations just be you do your own thing. I am also quite laid back about life and don't take myself too seriously (does not mean I don't take life seriously) I just don't sweat the small stuff.

Life is too short and its a cycle..one day we will all be MIL's.

Like you said most modern MIL don't even want to stay too long in your house sef

I agree some MIL' s are cantankerous (as are some DIL's) but to wish her death naa too far.

Ewuro4:
LOL Damiso, season one bawo? season 4 just premiered last night. Stalker gets better and full of suspense every episode omg perry is a sick kid from a wealthy family, I felt same bout jack too initially but won't be a spoiler

I don't watch rookie blue.. Not a CSI/cop big fan at all I just deleted all Chicago Fire sef, I'm into chick-flixes , Sci-fi and mystery crime shows.

Haven't seen blacklist new season yet though already recorded 4 episodes and Satisfaction is really good too; bout cheating couples. Fifty shades of grey movie will premiere on Val's day. Movie theatres' gonna be steamy

Dami go out more and stop staying indoors jare

Ooooh okies will kontinu this weekend yeah I like the suspense in stalker .I used to have a crush on Dylan McDermot (jack) from the daysof The Practise so it was more him that made me start watching it so far not been disappointed.

I will jare my sister but winter tends to do that to most folks like I read somewhere you just want to hibernate and reappear in spring.

Ewuro4:
Like seriously.. I'm grossly pissed. And to think she's here with the aim to trash ijebu folks is even more annoying.
They should be renamed "Dangerous Estate Friends" Cool husbands eating Efo riro dey go I don't pity their mommas ..foolish people lapapo

Alas the ijebu bit that had to be mentioned just clicked to me.

OP

And I thought that 'don't be a slave to your alfa' ish was funnyy

NL I hail thee

Na wa for the kind 'Christianity' we dey practise these days

Ewuro4:
Any suits fan here?
Stalker, The 100, Blacklist, Satisfaction, State of Affairs(Scandal's white version)

Watched part of Season 1 of Suits , watch Stalker, the Blacklist...these days I just binge watch bulk episodes when I have time

Watched a couple of Stalker episodes last weekend . I wonder whats going to happen between Perry and Beth..that perry guy is sick and the way jack follows his exwife and kid about is it not stalking in a way?

There is this Canadian show that people don't fancy but I like Rookie Blue (me and cop shows) but I like the the onscreen couple Andy Mcnally and Sam Swarek hubby is always 'ki eleyi ' when I watch it he calls it 'disney law and order' do you watch it?


Wo ti fi series se mi oloun I need to get out more you won't believe that I would rather stay home and binge watch series than go for owambe I need to detox God help me.

We all want to be mother in laws one day ba esp those with sons. ok o kontinu.

I never met my MIL cos she died when my hubby was really young and it annoys me to no end when people insinuate that I am 'lucky' like seriously. .I love my husband and it breaks my heart that a child had to lose his mother at an age where he (and his siblings) needed her the most.

Besides I am still trying to understand the Godliness or christlikesness in 'praying' for people to die. .. not just mother in laws but anyone na wa o

Awwwww little gestures sometimes show the deepest care

EfemenaXY:
I have Brighter Grammar 1, 2, and 3 on my bookshelf.

Wooe.
Am sure they are somewhere at my parent's jusy cant be bothered to search. .oh well next time I am in Nigeria.

aisha2:
Yeah going out to healthy places where you don't need to dodge people or avoid them. People won't stop being nosy so when poster doesn't feel up to it instead of spending an annoying evening running away from people. If she doesn't feel up to it she should be able to talk it over with her husband as mutter said she can send apologies and a cake

Ok

Phema:
The next step is to head to the nearest book store and buy 10 copies of Queen Premiere!

Thank me later.

Is it still in circulation? If it is i would like to get one for my daughter. .I wonder if Brighter Grammar is still in circulation? *memories*

aisha2:
You sha know Nigerians can be nosy, singles and trying to conceive women are their victims

A.friend shared her story when she was trying to conceive, every outing turns into a pity party with people bringing up different suggestions and making her feel as if she wasnt trying enough everytime she will go home and cry her eyes out. Her ex husband wasn't making it any better.

Truth is the poster is clearly uncomfortable and unhappy with so many events where she has to be grilled, interrogated and possibly humiliated especially by those who will be asking " how far, any show" every single time they see her at an event.
She can attend the ones she can tolerate and talk with her husband explaining how she feels to him hopefully she stays home watches some nice TV and have her sanity for one weekend, instead of attending these things and crying her eye out the rest of the weekend

I do know how nosy people can be and most people don't have any tact when it comes to other people's business.

BUT my post was more along the lines of her also taking into consideration the fact that her husband clearly has a bond with his family (I understand it's not her fault they make her uncomfortable).

That's why I suggested just making a brief appearance, ,avoiding those conversations by probably being more with children who are less judgemental and most importantly making her husband see how those conversations make her feel.

OP It is well with you ((hugs))..Like CC said sometimes going out (not necessarily to parties) is a way to take one's mind off stuff.


.

chaircover:
Just give me notice so I can make the place child frendly by removing all medicines and cleaning materials
Funny enough I have more fear of toddlers than adults

When my children are older I will have a fear of toddlers too.
Very irrational

aisha2:
The women usually drag you to a corner away from the men and start all the unsolicited advice. Is the husband going to keep following her to every corner and cutting into the discussions?
If she doesn't feel up to it she has the right to stay home and relax at least for some events and not go and be constantly reminded of her pain with busybodies. This isnt about being a cool aunt, its about a woman having her own issues and needing to be away from the crowd sometimes.

How long do people need to pretend smile, grin and bear stuff when they are not up to it?

My cool aunt analogy was more about her spending more of the time there with the children...


And I was not telling her to grin, or bear or even go if she did not want to. That's why I modified my you should go to you can go because of the nephew as a suggestion.

Like someone else has said its like that sometimes with close knit families..I know a family who must all go to grandma's house after church every Sunday for lunch while its such a sweet close knit thing for them (i like the idea cos my family can be like that of we lived close) but some of the spouses found it stifling as everyone is just all up in each others business. Sometimes people being all up in your business is annoying but sometimes its an expression of love.

Speak to your husband and try to let him know its not in anyway about you not liking them but how you feel after such gatherings. He in turn can kinda shield or help you avoid those awkward conversations.I strongly believe in spouses being the mediators and bridges betwen their partners and their family.

If you can though just make an appearance and leave early. His elder sister son is your husbands nephew and yours by extension. You can go because of the nephew( i modified to you can it depends on you just a suggestion) I love my husband's nephews and nieces and at some family gatherings I spend more than half of the time interacting with the younger ones more than the adults sef.They see me as a 'cool' aunty cos I sometimes help them beg their 'archaic' mums for lil concessions (they don't know aunty might actually be more archaic with her own kids)

pickabeau1:
South South

Ok..PH is South south too abi?

One can never say.

Chaircover I will come for one weekend and unleash my high energy level 2 year old on that your kitchen You must not complain o hian if suddenly you find half of your pantry on the floor and I wont correct him cos he is just 'feeling at home and being free'