₦airaland Forum

Mynd44:
They will soon come for your head for daring to say "Most men don't cheat"

Yea..l know..
But the truths gotbto be said.

Obviously, this thread was created in response to some threads that has been making the rounds here concerning guys fidelity in marriage and lowered expectations and family.
First of all, the family is the primary social unit of the society and as such happiness on the home front Shouldn't be compromised.
Happiness in the home IS a consequence of our choices..choices primarily of our marriage/life partners, the choices of the kind of family we're getting into, external influences (friends, counselors etc) and personal choices.
Choices should always be made keeping in mind future outcomes... you meet a guy/girl who's unstable, promiscous, undisciplined and u end up with the person as the choicemof your life partner, wat do u expect in the future
Personal experience, I got a friend who slept with a girl on his marriage eve, overnight. Was I surprised? No..cos he had a long history of such behavior of which his long time, long suffering wife was/ is aware of. Will I take her serious if I see her complaining tomorrow, obviously NOT.
You can't make the wrong choice of a life partner and expect a happy home, same way you can't lay the wrong foundation and try to build a skyscraper #synagoguechurch
You marry for the wrong reason or you make the wrong choices then it becomes Your bed to lie on Not the norm.

Do guys cheat? Yes..
Do Most/All guys cheat??......NO!
I honestly don't know where that assertion came from.
Guys are generally sexual, but they are also reckless, egotistical but also largely responsible.
Do guys fantasize about sex..yes, a lot.... but they do that the same way they fantasize about being able to do Jackie chan stunts or being as agile and dangerous as Jason Statham, But u don't see them facing off armed individuals or leaping off the face of tall buildings do you

Fantasy doesn't necessarily equate to reality (p.s...impure thoughts weaken the resolve and shouldn't be indulged)
A guy that loves his wife will find it Really difficult to cheat on her.
Cheating ain't easy and a lot of people will rather not make the effort except it comes on a platter of gold and even then half the no will still probably reject.
There are a Whole lot of fellows who've been married for a while, faithful to themselves, their spouses amd their God but for some reason, people don't get to hear about these, rather it's the 'tales of woes ' that gets 'glorified'.
Its largely immature guys that gets led by their penis. Most marriageable fellows have already attained that discipline to a large extent and those that haven't can easily be spotted out IF u care to look.

P.s..if ur husband is faithful, step up and celebrate him to counter the negative propaganda.

I also read on a thread where ladies were advised to lower their expectations in order to be happy..
Question is...does the expectation of an event make the pain less bearable
Does it make it easier to deal with
I don't think so...trauma is trauma and no matter how desensitized u try to make yourselves, it WILL still leave a scar.
Also, wat moral right do you actually have to condemn the fellow when by your expectations you've given him the 'right' to misbehave.
Will you as a mother, lower your expectations of your children because of stories that abound of children that are bad?

Your expectations will/should hold ur spouse to task...be a reminder of his/her obligation to you.

Cheating shouldn't be tolerated and this should be made very clear to your spouse and any risky behavior (innocently or not) be nipped in d bud early enough....

Some guys cheat, some don't ...for every story of an unfaithful husband/spouse, there's Always another of a Faithful one.
The good is as plentiful as the bad, but unfortunately people never pay as much significance to light as they do to darkness.





Final note, someone once said..' advice maybe likened to metal, picked from the garbage of the persons experiences, gilded over (painted with gold) and sold for far more than it is worth'
Wise words we should always bear in mind

Peace..

cc:RoyalRoy

bushdoc9919:
Here is a draft of what was passed (from 2013...Sen Anyanwu has been working on this since 2008).

http://www.scribd.com/doc/267639198/Nigeria-Sexual-Offences-Bill-2013#scribd

The age of consent remains unchanged....and if the law is still the same....people who molest any child under 18 still get life in jail.

My question still remains, wat happens if the minor is legally married

bushdoc9919:
The law said nothing about changing the age of consent from 11 to 18.

What the law does is make the punishment stiffer for any offender who molests underage children....if the child is under 11 years of age.

Read the article again please.

Bruv, that law is criminal.
The legal age of consent in Nigeria is 18yrs, BUT there's a clause..'except where a marriage, whether religious or traditional has taken place'.

In the light of that, anyone that has carnal knowledge of a minor below the stipulated age, whether married or not has committed a crime But wat if The underaged wife is above 11
Do we assume that person hasn't committed a crime or does the legal age of consent apply here or what

bushdoc9919:
The law said nothing about changing the age of consent from 11 to 18.

What the law does is make the punishment stiffer for any offender who molests underage children....if the child is under 11 years of age.

Read the article again please.

Bruv, that law is criminal.
The legal age of consent in Nigeria is 18yrs, BUT there's a clause..'except where a marriage, whether religious or traditional has taken place'.

In the light of that, anyone that has carnal knowledge of a minor below the stipulated age, whether married or not has committed a crime But wat if The underaged wife is above 11

bushdoc9919:
READ THE ARTICLE AGAIN.

The age of consent is still 18.

What the law does is to make the punishment more tougher if you do it(God forbid) with a child under 11 years of age.

It does NOT change the age of consent.

And it was Senator Chris Anyanwu that got the law passed.

Please read the article again. ........and tell me where it said age of consent is now 11 years.

The problem is not about what the law said, but what the law hasn't said..
and this law creates a lot of grey areas that can be exploited..
How do you correlate a law that grants the legal age of consent as 18 but ascribes punishment for offenders of adolescent s(not even teenagers).

Maybe someone should explain that to some of us here.

The original version of the PIB bill had bin so tampered with and altered that one doesn't know how to take this news....with elation or apprehension.

Why, also, wasn't this bill passed a long time ago??
Why now with the latest (unpopular) alteration

This woman's overwhelming greed and insatiable appetite for power was one of the Major factors that turned a lot of ppl against her husband. Her reckless drive for power exposed her husband and led to his downfall and now she's at it again.
If she had restrained her appetites and acted wisely,won't she still b in power, having ppl kow tow to her all over the place

Jonathan should be a man f once and call her to order before she spoils tins f him @d home front as well.



The woman is like a black hole, consuming and destroying.


nuff said

SemuhleB:
'I'm going to be inside you as long as you let me. U know this is your heart. I know you do. I always come back. We just have to be more careful.' so he felt no remorse and actually wanted to continue with this.

It serves him right. If you cheat be prepared to face the consequences. On a serious note is there a Nigerian man alive that does not cheat smdh poor Leila.

I don't,
My friend engr John doesn't..andmany others...
and it isn't f lack of temptation either








Don't believe the hype

With all due respect @ o.p, I don't think this thread was necessary, though I understand the need for it

From the other thread, it's become quite clear that peeps seem to be more interested in staying together rather than living together.
Marriage has become an institution where worldly wisdom prevails rather than Godly principles..
Where decisions are taken with regards to self 'protection' forgetting it's no longer 2 but 1..

Marriage is built on foundations, and the foundation determines how big, expansive, or the height that relationship will attain.

There's almost No Way you'll love someone, you wouldn't want to expose details of yourself to him/her.
Love is supposedly selfless and there's a degree of carelessness that comes with that selflessness, as well as faith.
We can't present a mask to the world and yet are unwilling to unmask ourselves to the one's you'll spend your lives with.
There's a degree of bonding, an assurance that comes with truly knowing the one your with especially during dating/lordship
This doesn't mean it should be a Q and A session (except you choose), but by all means ensure that by the time you take your vows, you truly are Naked before each other.
There can't be true sexual intimacy without the parties undressing/exposing themselves
Same holds true for emotional intimacy.

Yes, no one is 100% and we're human but we should always strive for it.
Trust..the cement of relationships is a product of honesty and openness.

The fear of being judged, to me, isn't an excuse.
GOD, also, weighs (judges) our actions but yet..
He still Loves us.

It's our choice eventually..
This may sound idealistic, but
I've experienced both ends of the spectrum

There's no need wearing a sparkling white gown over dirty underwears
It is well

chisco82:
So what was the Bible there for, guess that was what guided you to make this statement "Wen Jesus said you have to be like these lil kids to see d kingdom, it also applies to the way we take God's word...verbatim, no addition nor subtraction".
Read psalm 119vs105
Please refer this to the person and the woman of God.

You're totally right.
God's Word illuminates..
It isn't subject to interpretations, conjectures or whatever...
It, as the scripture in psalm has shown, should be our reference point Not men/women of God

The refuse contractors need to be done away with.
The present level and size of the garbage dumps in the state is just appalling. From sidewalks to road demarcations, everywhere!

Playing politics with people's health.




My beloved 'garden' city, now a Garbage Dump.

pickabeau1:
If your 'mother' in Israel had said something different then you will not be her daughter Na



Brothers beware

Deception lives and breathes in the church
If these are the kind of people preaching ideology in d church you are best looking for a babe in the club

Women in d church are ready to do anything just to keep and stay in their deceptive marriages

I won't be surprised if they are also fetish and consult occult

Beware..

I think the problem in Christendom arose wen ppl started 'interpreting' God's Word according to their own understanding.
Wen Jesus said you have to be like these lil kids to see d kingdom, it also applies to the way we take God's word...verbatim, no addition nor subtraction.

Can't believe a 'woman of God' actually said that.

The Bible is there as a guide to us....

The rest is left to us

BABE3:
No relationship can truly grow if you go on holding back. If you remain clever and go on safeguarding yourself, only personalities meet, and the essential centers remain alone. Then only your mask is related, not you. Whenever such things happen, there are four persons in a relationship, not two. Two false persons go on meeting, and two real people remain world apart.


That's why it's hard to find a TRUE relationship of any kind. Different masks, hidden secrets, all built on a false foundation. We all know the thing about lies; you tell one lie, you need 200 lies to cover it up.

Then again, the ultimate goal of most is to get/remain married or attached to someone. To most, that goal surpasses the importance of a meaningful and true relationship.

Beautiful..well said


Respect..

dinachi:
I had always known the Op to be a fraud on relationship issues! Imagine advicing spouses to keep secrets from each other so that one imaginary respect go dey. She forgets that the foundation of every relationship is openness. That is exactly why most marriages are based on fake assumptions and love that is not genuine. People keep vital information from each other yet claim they are deep in love! That is why you see cases where HIV positive individuals keep it to themselves, get married and infect their partners all in a bid to be "respected". Most sins kept secret will resurge again later in life. But if you tell your partner about your weaknessess, he/she will be able to even advice when he/she see you heading down that route again. A former prostitute who kept her life secret from her husband will likely relapse into the lifestyle again! If you are hiding information from your husband or wife, then know that is the biggest pointer that you are not with whom you trust and respect! You are actually lonely!

Well said..

Concerning the HIV issue... I have personally come across such cases..no jokes.

I don't know how people expect a good result wen their calculations are wrong

Openness and honesty CANNOT be over emphasized.

Yes, people are different, and so expectations are different. If your husband to be (cos this has to b approached from a pre marital angle) doesn't care to know your body count or whatever, then the rule of 'What's important for him to know' applies BUT if Ur partner cares about such, then, with wisdom, tell him/her wat he/she wants to know.



s.m.h@some threads sha


cc:marvellousGod

Gaborone:

Believe me, I don't enjoy the f v m fights too.

Ya, I agree with you, most women...and men who have cheated only 'confess' after they're caught. I guess it's because telling one's spouse, "I cheated on you" should top the most difficult words to utter.

It's good to know too that more than a few relationships have survived unfaithfulness. But I'm not so sure if by 'relationships' you meant marriage or dating/courtship though.

Am relatively young in marriage so am referring to courtships as well as a marriage or two.


Thing is , you rarely get to hear about such situations cos d parties would rather just keep mum about it and focus on the rebuilding...plus, how many guys will be proud to disclose that he's with someone that cheated/bin cheating on him. Rather just forgive and move on..


Male ego is something else.

Gaborone:
I get your point, but the cure for such bias will never be lying.

I believe every Nigerian woman knows there's a slim chance of such a marriage going on if she confesses; I also believe the knowledge of that should be one of the things that deters her from entertaining such indiscretion. If she chooses to do the crime(adultery), she should be ready to do the time (confessing and probably losing her home).

There's a proverb that goes, "He who decides to swallow a coconut, should first make sure he has a trustworthy anus". I believe it is instructive here.

Before these assertions are made, we need be clear...how many women do u know of who 'confessed' of their own volition
(p.s..dis isn't m v f , lemme clear that up first).
In 'MOST' cases, the woman confesses After she's been found out and sometimes after some CIA like interrogation from the man.. no need to go do so much research, threads on NL alone can buttress my point.
How many relationships can survive after that? But most times, you won't get to hear that part from d women, especially wen dey busy playing the victim.


I know relationships personally that has survived indiscretions from the woman and they still going on strong.

Outside that I agree with the rest of your post.

s.m.h..
Marriage (relationship) is about openness and trust.
Quoting the bible, wen Adam met Eve, the good book says 'they were both naked(openness) but not ashamed (trust)'.
From experience(both personal and otherwise), I've come to realize that the more someone opens up in the course of the relationship (especially prior to marriage), the greater the trust.
The problem comes wen d person throughout the relationship 'clams up' about him/herself and then wen settled in marriage suddenly decides to reveal all. Don't blame anyone if the husband(in this case) treats it with suspicion, as anyone is wont to do in such a situation.
In such cases, like they say, wisdom is profitable to direct.

Openness breeds Trust and fosters Intimacy in marriage.

Mynd44 point is also an issue, What if you get found out
Funny, it is far more probable that a woman's indiscretion will come to light than a man's.


Finally, don't know wen marriage started becoming like politics where emotional manoeuvering and manipulations became the order of the day

Relax, enjoy your marriage, all these ish are just unnecessary headaches.

#nuff said..... peace

The essence of sex is that of total surrender (submission if you will). It is the basest of human communication/interaction, the true height of intimacy.
Sex in it's purest of forms is a meeting of souls and Orgasms are a culmination of that.

Anything short of that act of surrender/submission can lead to blocks to achieving orgasms, or even if both parties do, it'll be deficient.

Orgasms are a necessary and particularly enjoyable part of sex but It ISN'T the Purpose of sex.

Taylor86:
4 ur post
u take FTC and 2nd to comment
hmmmm
christ is coming very soon
spits on thread
cleans nose with op's name

cleaning nose on every thread...
do u have catarrh
actifed I think is #20... even u can afford it. #justsaying

socialmediaman:
Yeah, 36 states. 18 x 2 = 36. Every ministry has a minister and minister of state so they'll be adequately represented.

Okay...that makes a minister/ a minister of state per state, problem is, won't this create a conflict considering that all ministers are equal

@ post, a welcome development from the president elect..only problem is how effective will the downscaling be considering the scope each minister/ministry has to oversee. Might end up having a situation where projects get bogged down in unnecessary bureaucratic protocols.

Secondly, downscaling the federal ministries while the assembly is still as bloated as it is will only breed disaffection ..

Trust the technocrats know wat they're doing..

GBFRN..

barcanista:
Amaechi is out to make Rivers ungovernable for Rivers people and for the incoming administration of Nyesome Wike. I am optimistic that Wike will dissolve the fraudsters that parade as newly elected LG officials.

May not be that easy
You cannot just dissolve elected officials no matter how 'sham' the elections were..either way, it'll end in the courts.
.




Annoyingly so.

Am beginning to believe Amaechi thrives in an environment of anarchy.
His actions for the past years have deliberate attempts to turn the rule of law and morality on its head.

Anybody that was present in the state on Saturday will know how ridiculous the so called elections were. An election that 16 political parties openly boycotted

Couple of months down the line, the whole l.g system will be bogged down in legal suits and counter suits and efforts that would 've put into development will be wasted at d courts .



Amaechi is quite honestly one of the worst tins to have happened in the state.


Buhari had best beware of associates like this.

#Nuff said

merry02:
Hypocrisy is when u applaud Buhari for probing bt insult Wike on Amechi probe

Typical....
Nigerians are an annoying set.
Hypocritical barely coins it..

radgenez:
This APC PDP war on NL is just stupid. Agreed fashola did a lot of projects but that was mostly in his first term. But the bulk of debts owed emanated for his second term despite all the trillions they generate yearly lagosians still provite their own water most lagos roads are a eyesore the drainage system in place like oshodi,musjin is just terrible so fashola should stop bragging and explain where all thosE funds really went too
Fashola didn't even finish lekki airport and seaport, light rail and those are the major capital projects in lagos state.
With all that money and the small size, large middle class and population lagos should have been a tokyo or dubai by now.

Am not an economist, but from a 'layman's' point of view, Fasholas explanation doesn't suffice .
Weighing the capital projects against the current debt profile still shows a large deficit.
It's impressive that the igr sufficient for the recurrent expenditures but plunging the state and by default the nation into this degree of debt is.........
The comparison with the U.S ofAmerica wasn't wise wen it's common knowledge that America's economic problems stems majorly from its ridiculous debt profile.

...and please, this isn't about apc/pdp. like the recent fuel crisis, wen the consequences of these politicians actions hits, it's y'all that suffers irrespective of political inclination.

Chiaka:
Whats the difference between this proposed amnesty and the one proposed by Goodluck long before now Something is fishy!!

Same question I asked.

What reason will they have for accepting it now, what they rejected before if not.....

Rubbish talk by the so called elders.
Anyone who thinks this isn't about 'oil money' needs to pull his/her head outta the sand.

bukatyne:
@OP:

Goodday

These points should be settled before courtship

1. Your husband to be should be aware of your dreams before marriage and you both must agree with one another and be ready to align your dreams and aspirations. However, some dreams might be kept on a back burner till it is convenient to fulfill them. Some dreams might never the fulfilled either. Just as you shouldn't ignore your dreams for your husband, you should not ignore your husband for your dreams. Prioritizing properly in very important. Your husband also wanting to spend time with you is a symbol of love.


2. Modify your values: you shouldn't modify/change your core values. However your husband's personality especially his weaknesses would shape your values. It is called compromise .

3. Your husband should be pleased with your appearance before saying I do. The wife should also ensures she tries to maintain What the man loved initially. I know the lines are blurred and it is easier said than done.

4. It would be hard for a non-abusive husband to infringe on your personal space. You go to work/church/make your hair/one or two parties/visit your family/chat with your friends alone So How would he infringe on your space? I think the issue is more of couples not having ample time for each other. You actually send more time apart than together. It would be unwise for a wife to send the little time they should be together always galvanting.

5. As I said, you should know and study your man during courtship. Does he like a stupid woman? Intelligent one? Demi-semi intelligent? If you did your due diligence, This should up come up at all.

6. I also believe decisions should be mutual even though you let the person with the expertise make the decisions when There is conflict. It is also not possible for you to make devisions unilaterally even when it seems to concern you alone.

With proper courtship and genuine love from bothparties, these issues should not even crop up.

Also you seem to be ttalking from a defensive point of view towards marriage: you are anticipating battle ahead already.

Take it easy

Your post shows an understanding of marriage borne from experience and common sense.
Thank God for your corrections, cos this is the kind of posts that leads to issues in marriage, when one party is still trying to maintain their identity when the 2actually is 'To Become One'.
recipe f disaster.


Kudos t u ma.

ozoigbondu:
This is a governor not the other one that spends billions to conduct lga elections that his sucessor will kick out anyways

Abi o...
sitting@home, no nepa light and no movement for an election nobody has shown interest in.
People don't even know where the polling booths are nor have I seen anyone that actually went out to vote.
Monies meant for unpaid salaries.

@post....Kudos to Gov Akpabio...
tho this is just good showmanship, Go out with a Bang..

ozoigbondu:
This is a governor not the other one that spends billions to conduct lga elections that his sucessor will kick out anyways

Abi o...
sitting@home, no nepa light and no movement for an election nobody has shown interest in.
People don't even know where the polling booths are nor have I seen anyone that actually went out to vote.
Monies meant for unpaid salaries.

@post....Kudos to Gov Akpabio...
tho this is just good showmanship, Go out with a Bang..

People keep ranting and condemning while the facts speak for themselves and the awards keep coming.
Transparency international, Yale university doctorate awards...etc

Let's face it, if a 'bad' student keeps coming top of the class, then it's either the student isn't that bad, the examiners are simply terrible or it's just blind hatred.

wonder which of the three this is

Chiaka:
I beg leave that think Ameachi is no match for Apkabio !!

Question to him would have been when last the much touted teachers were paid their salary
I guess it's good management to have so many uncompleted projects, or to employ staffs that the state cannot cater for.

Meet an Akwa Ibom c/s, and you'll probably only hear good concerning Akpabio, over here, what you'll get is mostly hate cos of his policies.
The proof of a cook is in the compliments of the customers.

Rawani:
The entire world witnessed the lawlessness, impunity and bloodletting that characterized the Rivers State elections, which were roundly condemned. Nigerians should resist the urge to defend lawlessness because of perceived kinship, because when the chips are down, these politicians will sacrifice you as one of the masses that were unfortunately cut down in their pursuit of democracy, and you end up a statistic.

If the tribunal finds Wike wanting, he should be allowed to face justice, otherwise he would be profiting from the blood of the innocent.

lemme assume you weren't in the state during the elections.
yes, there were pockets of violence but only in about12 units...as reported in on radio.
some of those issues were not perpetrated by pdp alone but also apc.
in my community a pc goons ran away ballot boxes...pdp as well.
making it look one-sided is very deceitful of Amaechi and his cohorts.



Amaechi should go pay d salary he's owing n stop ranting.
Dude seems to have verbal orgasms whenever he sights a camera/recorder.

moderators, do move this to family section.