₦airaland Forum

jamesversion:
Telling me about Self hate as if you are that black. You are light skinned and beautiful, if you were that black, you wouldn't be as attractive as you are, and your self hate speech would be understandable . That is the truth, accept it.

And I have a right to admire and "unadmire" according to how my eyes see fit.

OLAADEGBU:
Hollywood actor, Michael Douglas, can testify to that fact. He now lives to tell the story. See the thread below.

https://www.nairaland.com/5407194/michel-dougls-cn-orl-sex

kowema:
Where did the Bible write the proper manual for sex between a man and a woman?.
So cus he is a Pastor, he should not explore the body of his woman with his own body which his tongue is a part of?.

NB: The issue here is wether the woman is his wife or not his wife. Not the fact that he is an explorer

yeyeosoronga:
Thank God, he is merciful. However, you are on a path to self destruction trying to justify adultery because your wife "pushed" you to it. What makes it more ridiculous is that you're even bringing God into your shenanigans.
The hottest part of hell awaits you when you who claim to be a Christian cheats, lies to your wife , and then keep your concubines. All in the name of God.. Disgusting.

akdjr:
If things of God cannot be understood by human as you said, how come human wrote Bible and claim it was the book of God? quote author=djon78 post=83204372]


Things of God cannot be understood by human reasoning, even the Bible said it in 1 Corinthians 2 that spiritual things which are the wavelength of God's operation is foolishness to a natural man, and he can't understand them because they spiritually determined. So a natural man calls spiritual things foolishness, stupidity or mental slavery

akdjr:
That's for this wonderful enlightenment, but your submission is not far from those who is living under mental slavery. To you if Cobhams and his son remain blind for the rest of their life it's simply because they have no faith. quote author=djon78 post=83190699]

Gods mercy is not unquestionable. God is still good. That you woke up this morning hale and hearty is his mercies
To receive anything from God you need Faith. And Faith comes by hearing God's word. If you don't have Faith, unbelief takes over.
Even in the Bible some people received there healing by Faith.
They believed, like the woman with the issue of blood. She heard about Jesus, and said if I can touch the hem of his garment I will be healed. And she came while people were pressing on Jesus and touched him and she was healed of 12years infirmity, of which she had spent her money on physicians but got no better.

Notice others were pressing on Jesus but they had no Faith, so nothing worked for them, but she had Faith. How? She heard about Jesus and what he was doing and she believed.
So we need Faith and how does Faith come it comes by hearing God's word.

God is very vast. We can't get to him by our mundane human kind of reasoning, but by renewing our mind by God's word. That is thinking God's thought. Thanks

freshvine:
My dear, in the western world women have multiple kids from different fathers. A particularly man will move in with a lady who already has 3 kids from previous relationships, the both have a baby and trouble set in, she chases him out and the cycle continues. If I lie ask cococandy what's goes on in the USA

freshvine:
The time is fast approaching when marriage will be no more. We'll become too wise and independent men will automatically stop marrying and only uses us for making babies. A lady will have kids from different fathers, less pressure on the men to shoulder responsibility.

The time we pray for to assert our independence is almost here. Religion has really kept us women subjugated since the creation of the world, it's time to scatter and redefine that order.

akdjr:
Even after being so closed to God yet the child still remain blind same as the husband. God's mercy is questionable if you ask me.

BluntBoy:
Not all the time.

Marriage is not as straightforward as many of you have been made to believe.

Moreover, there are some background story that we are not aware of.

Stories filtering in say Aisha disrespects her husband's family. If this were the case, then it is a big problem that you don't solve by quickly taking sides because your wife is involved.

Let me give you a scenario.

A man marries a woman. The woman does not like her husband's family because she feels they are not guiding her husband right. A good husband establishes spots in the family, not take sides. Aisha is his wife and she has her place in his heart. Maman is a family and he has his place in Buhari's heart as well. When conflicts happen between Aisha and Maman, Buhari cannot afford to take sides. Rather, he would establish a common ground for agreement or tolerance. A good husband does not break relations simply because he wants to protect his wife. Rather he mends relations.

There are instances where it is very necessary to protect your wife's interests. But what evidence do you have that Buhari has not done that? Or does not do that? Moreover, this is a family issue. Aisha is family, Maman is family too. Buhari cannot treat Maman like an outsider in matters like this.

As for Fatimah being rude to Aisha, I am not saying that it is a good thing. But things like this happen. If there are stories about wives manhandling their husbands' mothers, why are you people making a big deal out of this conflict? Why are you people always quick to hate on Buhari?

He can't control his family bla bla bla. As if it is only Buhari's family that has even ever been confronted with conflicts.

OMANBALA1:
Look at how these youngsters are whipping you around like a little kid...ijiro nti anu ife...lol

I told you to keep quiet but no you go running around trying to slander a great man who brought sanity to Anambra political space ,plus many outstanding infrastructures....Oga , give up!

BluntBoy:
And so I asked "what should Buhari have done?"

Many of you can't answer that question because it is easier to judge than to solve problems.

"I can do it, I can do it" that is what everyone screams during campaigns until they get into office and see the reality.

ornicus:
A bloody own goal by Buhari. When things are so out of hand a foolish small girl is rubbishing your wife in the public space

Breaststroke:
Hhmm Tunagee, I read your comment and sexyyoyo's own, I think what both of you don't understand is the importance of words. Words are extremely important they can make or break us, heal or wound us, destroy us or bring us life, health and happiness.

Let me give you an example of how words can have an effect on people. My current boss is rude, condescending and very disrespectful in her speech towards people. This attitude has caused us 2 competent staff, who resigned because they got sick and tired of that sort of treatment. We are currently short staffed and suffering, one of those people came highly recommended to our organization and she's very good at what she does too so it was truly a loss/blow to lose her.

An entire dept of a sister company we are supposed to work closely with, deliberately refused to work with us because of how our boss spoke to their boss during a meeting. That dept actually told us 'You guys think you can insult our boss and still expect us to collaborate with you and assist you with intel you need? " It was only our boss who spoke words that didn't sit well with them, but a whole dept of more than 10 people ganged up against us to make our working lives difficult.

Some of us weren't even aware of the meeting which caused this issue, until members of that dept informed us of their collective decision to deal with us. Are you seeing the damage words can do? Stay with me I'm not done yet. Recently after a round of job interviews, my boss's choice candidate for a certain role within the organization, declined the offer made to him. He informed us afterwards that he made inquiries about our boss and received negative feedback from 3 different people about the boss, which informed his decision to not take the job. Negative (but true) words spoken about my boss caused us another competent worker.

Our organization pays really well but I can tell you that my colleagues and I are unhappy because of how our boss talks to us and how we see her treat others via her speech. We are constantly doing damage control with vendors, clients and other business associates because of her, her speech and attitude.

Most of us are trying to leave and we are actively helping each other to do so sef. Now please pause for a moment and think about this, if employees of an organization are unhappy and want to leave a good paying job, because of how the CEO regularly talks down to them, how do you think a spouse would feel? Mind you we only relate/interact with her 5 days of the week but a spouse is bound to you for a lifetime.

Everything I wrote up there is not fiction, it's the reality of our lives at organization XYZ and we are grown men & women (some with families of their own) Don't underestimate the importance or power of words. What do you think scripture means when it says "The power of life & death is in the tongue"

My boss has verbally and effectively killed morale, initiative, confidence and composure with her words. We now work like robots doing whatever she wants or says, even when we know the outcome won't be successful, but hey no one wants to be at the receiving end of her harsh & disrespectful words so...........There are some things worse than a beating and words are one of such things. The heavens and the earth were made by the words of God's mouth...... words not magic, can you see how important words are?

I think your wife and my colleagues left because they got tired and realized this is unhealthy, I don't have to put up with this anymore. The expectation that, the party suffering verbal abuse should stay and work on their relationship is unfair & biased. The person with an attitude problem via speech, should work on themselves and make adjustments. You can't continuously hurt people with your words and expect things to be rosy.

Please note, the paragraph above is not judgment. I am not judging you, it is just an honest reflection of my thoughts about the situation with your wife and my own boss.

networkfailure:
Messi played with the best assemble of Argentina's footballers but couldn't win Copa America or World Cup.
Maradonna single handedly took Argentina to two consecutive world cup finals and Copa America and won once each.
Zidane is d same with Maradonna. Johan Cruyff won Euro Cup and back to back World Cup finals.

So my list is as follows:
GOAT: Pele, Ronaldo de Lima, Zidane and Maradonna.

Legends: Romario, Baggio, Cruyff, Messi, Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Beckenbauer.

Great: Beresi, Maldini, Michael Laudrup, Etoo, Xavi, Iniesta, Figo, Stiockov, Mueller, Roberto Carlos, Okocha, Buffon

Good: Kanu Nwakwo, George Weah, Peter Schmeichel, Oliver Khan, Thuram, Veira, Theirry Henry, Platini, Hagi, Bobby Charlton, Amunike, Roger Miller, Aguero, Dennis Bergkamp, Lampard, Gerrade

Underrated: Yaya Toure, Makalele, Dani Alves, Baptistuta, Erik Larsson, Robben

Overrated: David Beckham,

Stoicbaba:
Well, I am just wording nonsense, hoping there will be sense in them...

Sayings goes:

No be who first call police, wins case...

It's always good to hear from the other side...

Most couple's quarrels are best settled by themselves, no 3rd party...

Then, I will say this as well,

My wife once asked me to help talk to her colleague, who has "an abusive" husband, who always ask her to leave the house, or he will leave... (amongst many other complains)

Well, I hesitated before offering to talk to her, (as I knew her and not the husband)... A date was fixed and since we were far apart, we decided to talk on phone. She narrated how her husband was so bad to her, and not seeing anything good in her, etc etc...

I sensed she had dropped off so many details, I had to let her know that it would be of no good for me to advise, when I didn't know the whole detail(this was me hoping to get any info that might represent a small percentage of the man's side of the story, as I can't go to him)


Long story cut short, I realised there were these glaring issue (just from my few minutes of discussion o)

- Inferiority complex (due to the fact that the man earns only about 2/5 of the woman's earning...and that she didn't help it by flaunting it, either intentionally or unintentionally...)

- ego from both sides, as they fail to really understand there place in the home and the willingness to "submit" to create avenue for calm discussion, rather than heated argument...

These amongst other little things...

I tried to communicate this to her and it was very obvious that she felt that having work to provide more, the husband should understand and let go of some other things she "couldn't" do...

So, my long story is summarize in this form...

Each party should understand their place in a home(not house o), try to watch and understand each other's anger-triggered point and know how and when to reach across for meaningful discussion(with promises to actively adjust)

There is very few men or women that are wicked... Something always led to something...

Madam, just try and watch out for the best time to approach your husband with discussion and "pretend" if you can't completely submit to him... I am sure everything would be better(note,i didn't say fine, as that would be a lie)

Remember, while it is a duty for both of you to raise that home, it is believed to be yours, as a woman to keep it,(as far as no violence is involved) ...

Best of luck...

Modified (seek counseling, but don't try to apply everything, directly into your home, yours is unique to you guys o... Lol) cheers

KosiGee:
You got 320 + likes for the above. I’m sorry to disagree with your opinion. Any man who repeatedly asks the wife to leave the house over minor issues as stated by the op...(that’s assuming that was exactly what happened and how it happened) is immature and an a**ehole.

He has issues with himself and need to reflect on that. What kind of man fights the wife because his mother in law bought them food stuffs?!!! I mean who does that? He should be very happy and appreciate the act of generosity.

Many mother in-laws wants to take but this one was a giver but this man was grumpy and truculent over that. What kind of man is he?

The woman wants peace but the man isn’t ready for that. What makes you think that it’s the job of a woman to endure, suppress emotions and work hard to tolerate a man who isn’t mature and ready for a relationship and marriage...and what makes you think that it’s wrong for a woman to seek love and attention outside of the man is being unreasonably difficult to deal with and live with?

Lots of Nigerian men do not know and appreciate how lucky and blessed that they are. In some countries, this man would be forced by the environment and law to be cool headed. He will be the one to calm down and work to make his marriage work because such rantings and threats would result in the police or social workers intervening and asking him to leave the house.
If this woman was my sister, I’ll be meeting this man for a serious talk and if the problem continues, sorry I’ll be meeting with my family and we will be asking the woman to leave him.

What nonsense!

Doktajay5:
In your mind now, you have given her advise sheby.

Well, even from one of her reply upthere, I think this is the type of advise she has come for, other than the workable inputs people are making.

So you think the next man will be Jesus Christ, who will not have issues for her to tolerate.

@ Op, granted, ur man is getting hard on u with such level of verbal abuse. It simply means to me he has anger issues and this type of personality that wants to win the argument or get hard on u when arguing, probably cos of u own words of respons in the argument. Is rather unfortunate, sorry about that. but is not a big problem since it has solution and that's the essence of the ideas dropping here.

But let me ask you, so Just 2yrs and you want to run away from your home cos of being disrespected and verbally abused. So you actually think all men and in women in marriages don't have things dey have subdued with wisdom and tact?
What do u think the priest meant that day he said in good and in bad till death do u part. OK u were busy laughing and snapping pictures? Is fine.

When u were dating him didn't u see this issues with his temper? OK u ignored it and was busy strafing up and down?. OK, sorry is part of the decision u made. Just make it work.

See eehh, that guy loves u, but he has a weakness, which is anger, probably made worse by ur mouth and choice of words during ur issues with him. dude doesn't lay hands on u but talks. And for ur arguments to get to where he says all that, is only God that knows what u say to him.

Madam listen and listen good, that marriage working or crashing depends on the wisdom u exhibit in your home affairs.

Already u r craving for attention and care outside. wow!, Really?, So that's part of the solution you provide?
I want to believe u ain't telling us all the story, But I am not interested, just sit back and make ur home work.

If these advise we r giving u sounds to much and impossible, and u feel:

1. u can't tolerate ur man's weakness and deploy workable antics.

2. u can't keep quiet when degeneratable arguments starts.

3. u just can't shut up absolutely,u must reply.

4. u must reply and even use more hurty words cos u want to win the argument or better still hear words and start playing the victim.

5. U can't learn to deal with him with silence on issues that may degenerate.

But prefers things like, eeiyaa, he is a wicked man, he is an abuser, he is a cheat, he's this he is that, he deserves divorce or other shit u obviously want to hear, madam, Oya divorce him and go look for Jesus Christ, who won't have issues u may have to deal with. U think marriage is bed of roses.

Just know that the grass isn't as green as it appears, on the other side. For u to start suspecting ur man all of a sudden, and start craving for love, attention etc outside, yet u don't want to raise a wounded personality in your child, Madam, watch it...

If u say make man and spirit no kill you, don't kill ur self by your self.

I may have sounded mean. But I feel it's the best way to talk about this your mater.

Oya make ur choice between the 2 ideas and have a nice week ahead.

OK bye.

1StopRudeness:
The Nigerian system has psychological affected many, most people aren’t aiming to be rich...they just want to be safe, healthy and live a quiet life...if people working in chevron and Exxon mobil earning 3million a month are running to Canada....how much more the average Nigerian??
...when I asked this dude why he’s leaving a very good job running to Canada....he said for the future of his kids....this country will soon hit the climax...the shit is about the shiit the ceiling..

the rich won’t be able to drive on the street cos the poor won’t be able to feed after a while...the government has no plan other than to tax, and keep taxing....the last one they introduced shows how desperate they are.. taxing communication
we can’t even talk in peace after we paid VAT while buying the fone, the recharge card, we already paid tax when we collected salary oooo.... we will soon pay toilet and breathing tax

Sterope:
How was his mum 102 and he is 68.

How did that happen?

Gforce2015:
But people from your region and other regions are still trooping in to the "garbage" some land goes for 3billion per plot in this "garbage"
And most foreigners still prefer to die in this "garbage" called Lagos than your deserted region...
I know wisdom is far from you and you are just a census number in the country... Nothing more

Omoodua007:
While the rate of marriage increases between Igbo women and Yoruba men I’m observing a lot of Yoruba women are settling with edo delta rivers men a lot esp over Igbo men any reasons for this ?

yeyeosoronga:
This method can only work if all the lazy men can step up their game and provide adequately for their wives.
I'm sure this same woman cannot even try to become a housewife if the husband were a lazy bum not able to bear the financial responsibilities of a man (as we seem to see around a lot these days).
I'm sure many women would gladly remain housewives if their men were adequate providers. Imagine married to a man who is able to afford decent schools for your children, decent accommodation for you, decent means of transport, decent clothing and personal care and of course decent food. Meanwhile, your aged parents are also adequately catered for. He also has some decent money and investments/life insurance in place for the family should he die prematurely.
Many women would jump at the opportunity to be a housewife.
Some people think its feminism making women in Nigeria to go on the streets to hustle like men for their wages. It's borne out of necessity and not feminism in majority of cases. Many Nigerian women dont know what feminism is when they're just trying to survive and have their next paycheck to feed their children when the fathers are unserious about feeding their brood.

superlanny:
What people must realize is that there is no perfection, when it comes to emotions and relationships, the question she should be asking herself is what does she have to offer any man who is unlucky to cross her path, when a woman starts to list what she wants in a man, just know she is insecure and realizes he kpekus is the only commodity she has to offer, dey find prince charming, you go wait tire, when your kpekus don slack , no body go tell you, #bewhatyouwantootherstobe

MrHistorian:
Wrong.

Blame it on the Nigeria society that mandated that a man aged 30-35 with a relatively satisfying well paying job to be married to a 26-29 woman.

The downside to this is that the man aged 30-35 is just beginning to rise in sexual value, the woman on the other hand at this point has reached her peak and decline will begin by 33+.

By the time the man ages 55-60, he's still sexually active and has high sexual value (all thanks to career growth), his wife is aged 45-50 and has completely lost her sexual value, no standing/firm boobs, no enticing ass.

The man can't file for divorce unless he wants his property divided. He's forced to seek sexual company from younger girls.

midnighter:
Bad internal culture and lack of social cohesion

Personal, social and institutional indiscipline

Insecurity and bad national character, scaring away both home and foreign investors, and tourists

Too much centralised government and when they are given a task, they are sluggish

if we say we are secular, inability to separate church/mosque and state

If we say we are religious, lack of regulation of religious institutions and failure to utilise their power in a constructive manner. Mind you there is nothing wrong with societies built on religion.. The USA is still very fundamentally religious even though theyre the ones exporting most of the nonsense on the TV. Even up till now they have a huge aversion towards nudity and profane language..this is due to their religious roots. The same for Saudi Arabia... UK law is based on basic Christian values. But the one we do here is just a stupid type that doesnt produce anything meaningful

Covert influences from western entities, people being allowed to hide their stolen money in western banks. If we were to isolate ourselves like china does, i wonder who we would end up electing

Failure to adapt to dynamic markets, just oil, oil, oil all the time

Inefficient farming techniques, bad attitude to storage, bad attitude to chemical and environmental responsibility, making it difficult to export our delicious fresh produce on a grand scale. Every year around this time you will see thousands upon thousands of rotting mangoes lying around and stinking because nobody could be bothered to store them, process them into juice/jam/preserve or dry them into highly nutritious chips. Our onions, pineapples, oranges, eggs etc taste much better than what i have tasted abroad but how will anybody taste it when we cant even store them for more than a few weeks and we dont know how to preserve things without spraying chemicals all over them, meaning that they wont be up to the standard required for entry into big foreign markets

Dilapidated infrastructure and no effort to use enough money to renovate them

Bad transport networks and roads, no real effort to restore them

Not enough industrialisation

Sycophancy and coddling of bad leaders

Nepotism and cronyism causing wrong employment, wrong appointment, victimisation and discouragement of youths and professionals

Brain-drain of young graduates and highly skilled workers

Bad treatment of middle class/public service workers, who are the backbone of any developed society

In fact bad treatment of business-owners and people who create jobs for others, leading them to keep maltreating and sacking their own staff unnecessarily. Conversely, lack of good labour laws or legislation protecting the workforce.

...People being owed years of salary/pension meaning that they lack spending power, faith in government and are more likely to subvert the law

Decreasing quality of and respect for federal education

Too much difference between federal, state and privately owned structures

Failure to plan for the future or save for a rainy day... budgets are always stupid and unrealistic and too much of it gets stolen. Every year the nysc camps get delayed because of lack of funds, they know exactly what to expect and project for and still get it wrong every time

Lack of checks and balance measures in government and economic institutions