₦airaland Forum

onlyHim:
No document that made him a human being has been found in his room, but he kept other documents like receipts. Very strange to us co tenants.

So what was he then? A roving spirit?

This man obviously cut off all ties with his family and most likely took on a new identity because he didn't want to be traced - for reasons best known to him.

I think you should respect his wishes and leave well alone.

MRBrownJ:
i wonder why so many are looking down on the GF issue... isnt that man ripe to have a gf?! he is a 20yr old independent single ma,n and a gf would come handy in all his daily needs... aka care/affection/sex/support (cooking etc). isnt this the reason we do get GF/BF? to fill the void in our lives? that gal may also gain a bf who has his own place where she can crash whenever she desire. its a win-win situation for the both of them.

as i said, the gf will be there for CARE/AFFECTION/COMPANIONSHIP/SEX and any possible SUPPORT (yes culinary too) if she is available. no biggie!

What void are you referring to?

He stated very clearly that he does not want a girlfriend yet, neither is he ready for one. So why try and rope him into a relationship he neither cares for nor wants at this time of his life?

Relationships come with responsibilities and are time consuming at best. Here we have a very focused young man who just wants to get on with his projects and self development and all you can think of is how he should start scouring for a girl to bed, cook, and clean up after him? Is that how lowly your perception of women is?? And before you shout 'companionship', did the @op mention any where in his post that he is lonely??

@Cjyjio: I like what I've read about you so far and will advice as I would one of my sons.

You seem to know exactly what it is you want from life and have taken a couple of bold steps towards achieving these - all of which appear to be paying off, albeit slowly, so Kudos to you.

The only 'issue' you have right now is learning how to cook. Notice I put the word in quotes because it really shouldn't be a problem. These days, you can learn almost anything for free via you tube. I'll suggest dedicate an hour or two each day watching some help how to cook videos on the net. You're a techie geek so you won't have any problems finding your way round.

Start with the basics i.e: Boiling (easiest to do) - how to boil rice, yam, beans, eggs, and how to make Eba. Then how to cook stew. It's really not that hard. All you need is:
Some vegetable oil
Tomatoes
Pepper
Onions
Spices (salt, curry, thyme, nutmeg, and DeRica{tomato purée})
Meat/fish/chicken (any one would do).

Watch this a couple of times and practice a bit on your own too. Once you've mastered this, you can use your stew to eat almost anything. Rice, yam,beans, plantain, bread, or Eba with a little okro.

Arrange to visit home on weekends or when you're less busy. Insist on following your mum to the market so you know what to buy and what quantity to buy. When you get home, insist on not just helping out but doing it yourself in the kitchen while your mother directs you. This can also be a fun activity between you both and an opportunity to alleviate any fears your mum might have about you living alone.

If your older siblings or anyone comes in the kitchen to taunt you, ignore them. You're there for a reason and this is a brief learning phase in your life which you'll overcome in no time. In fact I'm quite sure your mum would be pleased when you show off the bits you learnt on YouTube. She'll correct any mistakes you make with love. That's what we mothers do.

In the meantime, stay away from girls and their wahala, continue with you path to self development and above all, remain focused.

All the best.

MarryMeee:
I have been with my husband for a while now and I can say we have been doing well for ourselves. But i have a problem with some relatives that are turning us into their atm machine. My husband has an uncle who has always had other people taking care of his children (5children from 3 different women) for him whilst he goes out to enjoy himself without a care in the world.

Last year my in laws asked us to take in one of his daughters so she could go to school in the city. I was hesistate at first since i did not know much about her or the father, but eventually I warmed up to the idea. Fast forward 6months later, I am sick and tired of it. She does not do her homework without being forced and sometimes she skips school. I have already been called 3times by her teacher making complaints about her attitude in class and her perfomance. If you do not dig for her homework from her bag she will not do it. This girl is already 11 and she is only in grade 4 and she bed-wets.

I do not usually resort to beating a child because I have told myself that should be the last resort, but at the same time I am tired of buying things for her because she is always destroys them. She will wear her best clothes to go play with mud outside and she has turned her school shoes in slippers. She is always losing her stationery and she has torn 2 of her school uniforms already. She once broke the toilet and we had to get a new (not toilet seat, i mean the actual damn toilet) and she broke the plasma in the living room barely 5months after we got it.

As if she is not a big enough headache, her father always finds himself in my house almost every month and he will not leave until you compensate him for coming to your house uninvited. Of course he will expect you to give him money and groceries to take home.

Everything has been frustrating my husband as well and he is considering taking the girl back to her father's house as soon as schools close and to be honest i really do not have a problem with that, but my issue is that his family is against the idea because its not a christian thing to do (1Timothy 5v8)

To those who have been in the same situation, how did you resolve it amicably and where did you draw the line?

Are you serious??

Okay, jokes aside. Where is the child's mother in all of this? You've made no mention of her.

When I first read your post, my initial reaction was that you & your husband should return the child to her parents. Moreover, it seems your family unit is run and controlled by your inlaws. No one apart from you and your husband should tell you how to run your home. They can make suggestions - that's fine - but the final say (decision) is yours and hubby's to make because at the end of the day, whatever choices are made, you and your husband have to live with them - not your inlaws.

Anyway, as I was saying, the more I read of your post, the more obvious it was that this little girl has got some deep-rooted issues, even at that tender age. But first of all, you'll have to make some hard choices here. If you want to help that child, then you do so on your terms and not because an inlaw tells you to.

If you do decide you want to help her, then you're really going to roll up your sleeves and get involved. Like someone mentioned earlier, getting a qualified child psychiatrist to evaluate her is a good starting point. Get to the root cause of her bed wetting. My guess would be that she's got anxiety issues a lot of which is a throw back to her upbringing.

Poor child. None this is her fault.

bukatyne:
Thanks

Voted already

CC: Cococandy, byvan03, shaybebaby, efemenaxy, PresVa,Eketem etc. please vote for Mimzy if you do not have prior candidates.

If I don't mention you, nor vex.

I dislike being mentioned for stuff like this. I don't know her nor am I interested in voting for anyone.

edwife:
Thank You dear ...

Thou i am not too happy with you for missing it but i will let this one pass. I am not brooding, well just a little.

You are brooding and picking on me.

The others forgot too. Why aren't you giving them the 3rd degree as well?

dammiedot:
How can you determine what the right thing to do is? Its unfair for any one to discriminate an HIV victim. I bet some of us here do not know their HIV status. Who knows, if she was once a victim of rape,etc

How does my post DISCRIMINATE against her? Is she applying for a job?

Whether she was once a victim of râpe or not is irrelevant. The fact is, she's a carrier and him considering wedding her is not something to be taken lightly. HIV is life changing.

It's easy to stand aside and dish out advice from the outside. Let's be straight for once and cut out the bullshít. Would you advice your brother or better still, your son to go ahead and marry the carrier of a deadly disease?

Why go knocking on death's door when it's not your time to meet your creator?

Well...

If you put it that way, then I reluctantly concour.

Definitely good husband.

There's no way an excellent husband will be a rubbish dad.

What a cute, healthy, happy baby

Thanks for sharing @op and happy Father's Day.

@op. Harsh as it may sound, do your sanity a favour by taking a walk away from that relationship and don't look back.

She's given you the option to go, you've had a chat with the medical practitioners and yet you aren't fully convinced. Why? Because deep down within you, you know it's the right thing for you to do.

Save both yourselves further grief and just end it. You'll get over her with time. Meanwhile, there are other girls out there to pick a wife from.

This thread is a joke.

@op: your gay lover ran away with your 3 kids?

thorpido:
I think you should calm down.
There must have been a reason why you both decided to marry even when the odds were against you.Think back on those times and ask yourself what went wrong.It seems you and your wife grew apart and that is the reason why she is getting attention from another man.
Do you still love your wife and want the marriage?Why don't you find a convenient time to sit with your wife and have a deep talk?Ask each other where you've gone wrong and try to make amends.Make commitment to re-ignite the spark and love at the beginning.

Couldn't have said it better.

@op: no union is without it's challenges. You don't throw in the trowel at the first major hurdle - especially not with kids involved. Besides, you both have coped thus far without family interference - not an easy task - kudos to you.

What you're facing right now are symptoms of existing issue(s) that have gradually cropped up over a period of time with or without your noticing. Your reactions so far are knee jerks. Like Thorpido mentioned, calm down, find a suitable time when you won't be interrupted, and have a deep heart to heart discussion with your wife to get to the root cause of the problem.

Make sure it's a two way discussion where you both LISTEN to each other. No cutting off the other in mid sentence, definitely no shouting. This isn't the time for point scoring and I'm pretty sure you'd be surprised at what might come out of the discussion. Things either of you probably took for granted.

Remember the saying men are from Mars and women from Venus? That's what happens when proper communication wanes or fizzles out in a union. You aren't mind readers so you do need to have this proper talk to iron things out.

Stay calm and all the best.

Oops! I completely missed the party...

Happy Beleated birthday Edwife & Byvan03.

Wishing you God's blessings, good healthy, and many, many more years in return.

Hope you ladies had a blast.

(((Hugs 'n hugs)))

cococandy:
i hope so. Maybe she's just being a silent bystander for now. You know how NL gets boring sometimes.

How are you though mami?

I'm very good thanks

Ke kwanu you, baby, & Oga?

Ishilove:
What of those who can't afford washing machines or folks like me who prefer handwashing?

Inclusive of tough denim trousers, Ishi?

Oya show us your hands 10 years later

bravitudenatura:
Be giving her now abi shebi she will be using it for upkeep in the house or will you be the one going to the market to buy foodstuffs and other miscelleanouses?

Don't mind him.

@op displays the early signs of a control freak with his carefully manipulative half stories.

KnightMare7:
I want to know if it's a man's right to have his clothes washed by his wife.

Look at it this way. It's not so much a question of his vs. hers but being economical with your power usage.

Colour sort the clothes and throw them into the washing machine. Relax with a steaming cup of Twinnings Tea while your washing machine does all the hard work without complaining.

Once done take them out and throw into the condenser (tumble dryer) and go sit back and relax with another steaming cup of Tea (Earl Greys) as you watch the latest African Magic movie.

Dirty dishes in your kitchen? Dump them into the dish washer. Then go continue from where you left off on African Magic.

See life doesn't have to be that hard.

Housemaid? What housemaid?

WellEndowed:
I have, in the past, come in contact with male victims of abuse. It makes me wonder though, why the society hasn't shone light to this issue. Is it too much for me to say that it is difficult if not almost impossible for a man to walk out of a relationship citing abuse than it is a woman.

Society maybe? the fear of being called weaklings or laughed at, is enough to cause a man to sit back and endure it all.

Is it impossible for a woman to rape a man? if such happened, what man would speak up for the whole world to hear?

If we all are fighting for equal rights, shouldn't we fight for these people?


cc
efemenaxy
sambarry
cococandy
bukatyne
tearroses
edwife
ifyalways
et all

I'm no expert on male abuse. Why am I being mentioned here?

banjolek:
Hello guys,

I need your honest opinion on this, how much is really ideal to give one's wife as monthly pocket money?.

Here's my story, i recently got married and also moved to a new 3 edroom apartment around gbagada. I earn a pretty decent income while my wife also works in the bank with a salary of like 150k. She saves a half of this salary and uses the remaining for upkeep.

Now the issue is my wife insists that i must give her monthly pocket money and i have proposed 20k, an amount i feel is more than adequate for her if added to about 75k which she already has to herself from her salary. Also note that this 20k does not mean i dont get to buy her random stuff during the month or provide anything she asks for if i feel its a reasonable demand.

A1so bear in mind that i am still 100% responsible for providing food and other bills in the house. In addition we just moved to a new apartment like i mentioned earlier and still in the process of furnishing it so a chunk of my monthly salary goes into furnishing the house.

We also have a plan to set up a business for her, so i'm also currently saving part of my salary to fulfill that dream.

Now my wife has rejected the proposed amount of 20k saying its too small.

I need your take on this people, considering all i have mentioned above, is 20k really too small to be giving her monthly?

i wrote this in a hurry, please bear with any typo observed.

Your wife's rejection of your proposed N20k a month may be relative to what you earn. I notice you were quick to give us a breakdown of her income (N150k) and expenditure (N75k) but were coy in telling us how much you earn. Why? To make her look bad? If you sincerely seek honest advice on here and not a wife-bashing-tirade, you'll be open & honest enough to give us the full picture.

How much do you earn monthly, Mr Banjolek??

And for what it's worth, N20k is nothing. How much does a basket of tomatoes cost at the market?

cococandy:
Babygirlfl. Long time. Hello. Hi. How are you?

Is she still around? I haven't seen that chick for ages...

teekay213:
see excuse.

Was she or wasn't she under duress??

She was under duress and wasn't thinking strsight. She probably didn't mean to pull the trigger.

Shym3xx:
But the topic was about glass ceilings for blacks in the UK - not France. However, you cited an Ivorian/French millionaire who worked his way up in France and made his millions in Ivory Coast. And he ended up becoming the CEO of a French company listed on the LSE.

What's the correlation between this man and being black in the UK? What stage of his life and rise has anything to do with the UK?

True, the topic was about blacks in the UK having to contend with the existence or perceived existence of glass ceilings constraining or limiting them...us...from achieving the very peak of our careers, by virtue of being black, irrespective of one's ethnic background.

You and I know that as far as racism is concerned, it matters not if you're African, West Indian, American (I think), etc. Simply being black is enough grounds to get discriminated upon - that's the general perception (not saying I believe that school of thought, but it's a separate topic for discussion).

Regarding the first half of your statement in bold, the correlation between Tidjane being black and in the UK is: he is a black man based in, and working in the UK, who defied the "norm" to achieve what no other black man has being able to achieve in the UK by being the very first black to head not just one, but two FTSE 100 companies, thereby questioning the perception of whether there truly are limits to what blacks can achieve. This guy is so talented, that Credit Suisse, one of the top 5 Investment Banks in the world actually sacked their CEO to get Tidjane on board from Prudential. Inspirational stuff.

Re: the latter part of your statement in bold regarding what stage of his life and rise has got to do with the U.K: I'm assuming what you're asking is what he's ever done for the UK? If yes, then I'll say he's done a fair bit. Why? Because, prior to working with Prudential (based in the UK) as the CEO from 2009 - 2015 (at which point he became the first black person to lead a FTSE 100 company), he also worked as a senior executive for AVIVA - a British mulinatural insurance company headquartered in London, which also happens to be the largest general insurer and leading life and pensions provider in the UK.

The reason I'm mentioning these are because in your post (the one I quoted first), you mentioned no black person has ever headed a FTSE 100 company.

That aside, it's also been rumoured that he's been penned down to head the IMF, and when interviewed, he neither alluded to, not disputed the claims.

Shym3xx:
He is more of a French by the French absorption system from its colonies - a coconut juice - that got there via France. How many black Brits are there? No one in the UK can relate to that guy - he's a French CEO.

Where are the black Brits on the list?

That may be true, but I think the key issue was that there weren't any blacks achieving such heights in their careers (sportsmen/women & entertainers aside), re: the glass ceiling. Tidjane is black, irrespective of his mannerisms or how he acts.

Shym3xx:
Lmao @ thread where I was educating ignorant freshies about an experience that has to do with glass ceilings in the UK that they can't relate to cos most of them do low level jobs.

Wisdom blinkered heifers can't relate to. Only someone born and raised in the system, doing mid-level and high-level jobs can relate to it. Funny enough, after dropping the knowledge these louts couldn't relate to on here - there was a programme in the UK dedicated to discussing it. Ditto institutionalised racism in the UK and why no black person is among the top executives of the UK's FTSE 100. Then the snub at the Brit awards also happened.

That's the type of knowledge I drop - I'm way ahead of my time but monkeys won't be able to relate.

Actually, we do have a black executive operating in one of the top 100 FTSE companies: Tidjane Thiam, (an Ivorian) former CEO for Prudential but now works with Credit Suisse.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tidjane_Thiam

Although his appointment was fairly recent. June 2015.

Anyway how've you been?

edwife:
Don't deny yourself, embrace who you are.

LMAO!!!

Didn't even see this before posting.

edwife:
But all the ladies in that picture are beautiful na.

Nobody is supposed to like the picture assigned to them.

Chillisauce:
That ain't me Mehn. ..that's naijababe
I'm the one with the small eba. Doing the monitoring ...trying to make naijababe cut down on her intake
But efe you no good oh. ...where did edwife see these pictures. I'm sure they are imo state babes
N'a dia way. They too like food.
See amyofone and Ifyalways ...
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Laugh don make fart comot from my yansh

Lol! It's you jor. Stop denying

Onegai:
I guess they wanted tranquilisers instead and there are many American parents who are very indulgent. I have a brother who would have shot the child, not the gorilla his reason would be that "it's going to be ugly watching the child being mauled". We don't let him babysit Baby E infact we are not sure we want him to reproduce

You this woman!

I remember reading this awful story a year or so ago. Weren't you adviced at the health section to immediately stop using these creams and go see a qualified dermatologist?

Chillisauce:
According to Caroline

All men CHEAT

so if all men cheat
Men =cheat

All dogs cheat

Dogs = cheat
So we can substitute

Men = dog

So it's safe to say her Dog is ......
Why is she mad though


The kin embarassment these cheating pigs bring to their partners.


Cc edwife
EfemenaXY
Cococandy
Kimoni
Damiso
Armyofone
Sambarry

Tori don land o

My dear, I don't do celebrity gossip. Especially on the new breed.

I guess i'm just too old school for that sort of stuff...

But one thing I'll say is this: There are a lot of nasty, faceless people online tormented by their inner demons, who are best ignored.

.