₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
she Got liver.
I'm dizzy from looking at those pictures

Dizzy ke?

My heart "cut" the first time I saw those pics...

opeaceo:
Nothing can be done about it. I honestly think he should place a fee for any thread opened, it would go a long way to curb it.

Requesting a fee be charged for every thread created defeats the underlying purpose of nland which is to promote a free, entertainment forum to everyone, and would definitely reduce traffic - considerably - which is certainly not what Seun would want, I'm sure.

Secondly, think about it: who really would want to pay just to open a thread if not for advertising purposes? And how many people would log on just to read advertisements they neither want nor care for in the first place?

Thirdly, enforcing a fee for creating threads would not totally eliminate the problem. It may to an extent as you've suggested but a hardened scammer would see it as a small sacrifice to yield bigger returns.

No, I think it should remain a free forum, but those misusing the privilege for scamming purposes should be named and shamed, with the threat of reporting them to the authorities as a deterrent to other potential would-be-scammers.

I think with the recent influx of scamming threads being created on nland, a lot of people will agree that something drastic needs to be done. Don't get me wrong, I've nothing against helping people in genuine need, but totally against opportunists taking advantage of others for their own personal gains. I made a post in response to the thread created by the questionable character called HumbledByFaith which I'm reposting here, albeit some slight modifications:

Looks like we've got some corporate scammers trying it out with bolder moves. So the modus operandi now is:

1. Identity Theft: Get as many personal details as possible, preferably of female university students. Name, student ID, course, department, faculty, year of study, and a few receipts to boost your claim.

2. Cook up a heart wrenching story about dead parents, wicked family members, and spice it up with threats of suicide. Play the humble, suffering victim never responding to direct attacks, but respond with the standard response of I pray you don't go through what I'm experiencing.

3. Request for front page coverage. In the meantime, ramp up the heat by ensuring e-fights between posters. The nastier, the better.

4. Create several monikers, one per stolen identity and post in high traffic sections.

5. Be sure to create several aliases claiming to be "friends" of the sob story thread creators. Take it one step further by pretentious claims of having verified the "plight(s)" to be true.

6. Pretend you're more interested in prayers than financial assistance when asked. Be sure to "reluctantly" accept any money when pressured.

7. Fold arms, sit back, and watch the entertaining cat fights with a chilled bottle of Coke. An increase in the number of fights is directly proportional to the prospective number of magas paying out.

8. Laugh all the way to the bank. Life can be so easy, can't it?

*************************

Seun: I think a lot of people on here, including those who've been a victim of online scammers will agree that something drastic needs to be done. How about creating a section specifically to name and shame these online thieves? Their scamming threads should be dumped there. Then a stickied thread showcasing the names and bank details of the scammers should be listed, with a corresponding link to their scamming threads for reference purposes. The only people with access to this main thread should be you and the supermods.

What do you think?

Nice one Onegai, Cococandy, Ifyalways, Taryour, Blank and anyone else who didn't fall for this côck & bûll scam.

Looks like we've got some corporate scammers trying it out with bolder moves. So the modus operandi now is:

1. Identity Theft: Get as many personal details as possible, preferably of female university students. Name, student ID, course, department, faculty, year of study, and a few receipts to boost your claim.

2. Cook up a heart wrenching story about dead parents, wicked family members, and spice it up with threats of suicide. Play the humble, suffering victim never responding to direct attacks, but respond with the standard response of I pray you don't go through what I'm experiencing.

3. Request for front page coverage. In the meantime, ramp up the heat by ensuring e-fights between posters. The nastier, the better.

4. Create several monikers, one per stolen identity and post in high traffic sections.

5. Be sure to create several aliases claiming to be "friends" of the sob story thread creators. Take it one step further by pretentious claims of having verified the "plight" to be true.

6. Pretend you're more interested in prayers than financial assistance when asked. Be sure to "reluctantly" accept any money when pressured.

7. Fold arms, sit back, and watch the entertaining cat fights with a chilled bottle of Coke. An increase in the number of fights is directly proportional to the prospective number of magas paying out.

8. Laugh all the way to the bank. Life can be so easy, can't it?

Seun: I think a lot of people on here, including those who've been a victim of online scammers will agree that something drastic needs to be done. How about creating a section specifically to name and shame these online thieves? Their scamming threads should be dumped there. Then a stickied thread showcasing the names and bank details of the scammers should be listed, with a corresponding link to their scamming threads. The only people with access to this main thread should be you and the supermods.

What do you think?

ifyalways:
Onegai, EfemenaXY, Chilisauce, Cococandy, Blank, Edwife etc, Oya, Lets swing and jump

Going . . .

HOLY SMOKES!!!

Bungee jumping?? With all those rocks and trees??

Hian! What if the rope cut? Nne hats off to you. I'm too lily-livered to try that. But then again you've gone skydiving before.

Kudos to you. Where did you snap these pics? Naija?

Be specific

What exactly are you looking for from nlanders?

damiso:
Happy Saturday lovely ladies ...

Have brekkie on me

Green pancakes and green tea with lemon

Pancake recipe was recommended by a friend and it was yummy.

Ingredients were spinach,rolled oats,cinnamon,honey,skimmed milk and an egg.you can add banana but I didn't.

Put all ingredients in food processor or blender mix together into a batter.

Fry as you would pancakes I used 1 cal Olof oil spray and my marbled pan. You can also use coconut oil.

Can be topped with fruits if you wish

Green?

That's bold but healthy.

I'm having such a lazy Saturday, just waiting for our chicken and [color=#ffff00]chips[/color] delivery.

cc: Kimoni

She left him because of his addiction. Meaning she probably was the cool-headed one with money management skills.

If he knows what's good for him, he'll take her back so she can help him invest wisely or at the very least put some restraint to his wanton spending. Right now the papa is feeling funky and acting all Father Christmasly with his wins to "friends" and "family" who never acknowledged his existence in the past.

Without his wife's steadying hand, he most likely will gamble it all away within a year anyway.

You can never go wrong with the fresh, organic version compared to its processed counterpart laden with additives and preservatives.

Whatever you decide upon, it's got to be something you're passionate about and genuinely interested in, otherwise it'll be a waste of time on your part.

Really, really, good stuff. I like it.

cc: Mindfulness. Damiso. Blank. Cococandy.

CynthiaI1:
Well, a lot... lemme just say 'getting married and having kids' are d main reasons amongst many.
I hp things changed for d better o.
Wud like some info on how things are done around here now and d reason for new username!
Me want my Cynthoney back.
Anyways wadup with u?
Is Stud also MIA like Lysaa?

Chai! Missed evryone!

Lol!

I think studio goes by the name Airforce1 or something and is more active in the Entertainment Section (I think), not sure.

Danny and Ben are still very much around. And Kunbee too.

Dunno about the others as they've probably deactivated / taken up new handles / moved on to other sections.

So you're now a married lady and mum too? Congratulations Mami.

general111:
After a night of consuming a very wonderful and delicious soup.I woke up this morning with an urge to use the toilet. I usually delay before responding to this urge because, I like to expel everything in my bowels at once.when I entered the toilet. My dear nairalanders,Na strong shit greet me oh.I was pushing it in and out in other to help it come out without much stress.lo and behold,it came out but not without much bruises.my nyansh dey pain me set now.I went back again at night to offload second round,but it was still a strong one.my fellow nairalanders,abeg is there anyway one can avoid bruising his anus when he finds himself in such a situation next time??....if any gay talks to me,I go just slap am.cmon shit dey give me such pains......lips sealed.

Lol! Sorry about your discomfort.

A couple of things:

~ Endeavour to incorporate lots of fruit and veg in your diet (meals) such as oranges, mangoes, green veg, etc

~ Drink lots of water as this will help ease constipation

~ Do a couple of sit-ups. Say 50-100 as these will help ease bowel movement.

Good luck.

Oh sweet Jesus! Poor baby

That "father" is a bàstàrd and deserves to be whipped 10 times more by someone 10 times stronger than him.

And where was her mother for Christ's sake when the evil thing of a man was scarring and maiming this child? A baby probably not more than 4 years old over a pair of miserable sandals??

Where is the justice?? I weep for the girl child in Nigeria.

cococandy:
I didn't think the MOD would lock the thread so soon.

They would babes.

Scamming breaks rule 9.

Going forward, I think a new section should be created and titled, "Scamming Galore" or something, and every scamming thread dumped over there for reference purposes.

cococandy:
https://www.nairaland.com/3268948/it-now-never-me-dear#48188224
Cc chillisauce

Chillisauce:
The thread is locked. The scammers in this naira land you think it's a joke. I stopped online donation tay tay. I rather call up my relatives and donate to the ones around us. Internet trolls have spoiled everything .

Why didn't you guys invite me to the party??

Lol! But on a more serious note, I saw that thread almost immediately it was created and it had "scam" written all over it. Such stories don't move me.

Anyway, the lady in that photograph / owner of the Facebook account may not even be aware that her details are up on nland, and the impersonator / thread owner is definitely a male trying it on.

Nigeria sha.

blank:
Thanks a lot. Been quite depressed for a while. I got what i thought was finally the 'IT' job only to find out i was expecting another child, so random and so out of the blues. Now, everything else is on hold for life to happen.

I remember growing up and thinking we all got our brains from our dad because he was the one that had made it from his humble beginnings, only to see my mum's result. She was a straight A student, even got scholarships and was a branch manager in a bank at a very young age. Was wondering how she ended up a school teacher and then a civil servant in a very lazy parastatal. Ah, see what marriage does to someone and i don't want to be that someone. We had a frank chat and i asked her several of these questions and she says that she is happier now than then.

She was able to be our home lesson teacher, teach us reasonably good English, go for our events, take time off whenever she felt too lazy to go to work, etc. Trying to convince me that this path is the right path. She is happy but i am not. Wish i was a boy maybe that's why i have 3 boys now. So that no one will have this kind of empty feeling.

Ah! New mummy to be hormones.

Congratulations babe.

Don't worry, it will get easier. It really will. Just be a little bit more patient

Chillisauce:
T

Oh, wow! Chilli.

That looks super yummy. And healthy.

cococandy:
she's fine. Getting bigger and smarter everyday

Biko give that happy, pretty princess a big kiss from Aunty Efe.

5minsmadness:
More of hunger, to be honest. I havent eaten since morning.

Lol!

Then you should post more on an empty growling stomach, and less when full.

KanwuliaMama:
The reason people should learn to stay out of others' relationship, to avoid the unconscious sentiment of "I beta pass my neighbor generator fumes"!

In the Nigerian setting??

Highly unlikely. Not when they órgàsm off the misery of others.

glossy6:
Your opinion but I know my intent & they are not destructive. For crying out loud, the man at the centre cries day in, day out that he can't afford those fees and that's where she should render a helping hand.

Really?

A grown arsèd man cries "day in and day out" not to his / his wife's family members but to you, a female probably many years younger than him and his wife for?? And it wasn't a one-off thing but he does it daily. i.e comes to the office everyday to cry on your shoulders? When, if at all, does he ever get ANY work done?

And how do you know his wife doesn't lend a helping hand financially? Afterall according to you, this man initially lived at Lagos alone while his wife and kids were living in the east before he sent for them all to join him. So I suppose this very wicked woman didn't spend a kobo on her kids, wasn't a fit mother, and the kids either fended for themselves or survived off fresh air, abi?

You're so into this man you can't even see what's right in front of you. It's not about who shouts the loudest that suffers the most. A man with a hidden agenda will say anything and wave the pity card in your face to get his leg over you. So yes, to gain your sympathy and "understanding", his wife must be the devil's incarnate killing him slowly. If not, how else can he pull your strings? And to make matters worse, you swallow everything he tells you hook, line, and sinker without verifying the facts. Everything he says must be true because he's quiet and soft spoken like your husband.

Odiegwu.

I don't understand the angle you are coming from, maybe you are translating your name literally "my wealth is mine or here".

Oniòvò mė nunu ra! Kiyèmè??

Wer aye niè? Wer guolo rè òzà na? Rè obaro rà!

But in all sincerity, a woman should be helpful, though I've not heard from her.

Well then, maybe you should go meet her to hear her side of the story before acting judge and jury solely on the man's say-so version of events. Seriously, how do you know for certain his wife of 16 years with 6 kids has never done anything? Do you live with them?

You even commented this man paid his niece's fees but cries about paying his own kids' fees. Makes you wonder where his priorities lay.

I shared this story so as to get opinions and you are here sounding as if home building is solely for men and how a man should die pleasing a woman in the capacity he cannot obviously function. Am still at a loss at what you are driving at but your message is clear that she should ride on.

No, you wouldn't get it, seeing as you're too far gone into this man to think objectively.

Let's turn the tables around. The woman is forced to shoulder the entire financial responsibility of the home, including paying her nephew's school fees. She then decides to "cry out" to her male colleague everyday bad mouthing her husband for being a selfish, inconsiderate gít and even goes further to share pics of her husband with this male colleague of hers, who now thinks the man is a wicked soul. This male colleague is so heart broken about the "plight" of this woman, he can't sleep at night.

Now tell me, honestly, what:

~ your opinion of this woman will be?

~ what advice will you give her? (apart from the usual dim-witted "fast and pray, wear red bra and knickers, seduce and séx him till he can't walk straight"...)

My marriage can not be said to be better than hers because we all have our challenges, what I imply there is that I earn above her and tend to prioritize my spending & you are here interpreting my write up to portray what is not.

I Am not against her choice of school either as I've often told him to do what suits them in terms of meeting the educational needs of their family because they cannot be me and I cannot be them. I am sharing a story, which opinions coming in may differ but attacking me is not a way forward here.

Well you made the comparisms, not me.

CynthiaI1:
Yeah... Cynthoney... way back with Studio, Lysaa, bayleaf etc!
It's really been long 5-6 yrs I think

Yes, it's been. Those were the good old days but things have changed. Lyssa sort of "disappeared off the face of the earth Nairaland.

What happened to you though?

glossy6:
I am not involved in their marriage, I only shared what I heard because I feel hurt for both parties. Why should I be heavily involved Or should I push him out when next he comes complaining? I have nothing to gain there (to answer your question) because I have my own home. I told him NOT TO FORCE her to stay if she wants a break instead of them becoming a victim because of what he said has been going on. I am a woman but not a feminist, yes the man is the head and the woman as the neck has to help the head to turn comfortably.

I don't know why she got the police involved as I can't claim what I don't know. I asked him if he beats his wife or threatens her and he said no that the wife is the one that gets violent when angry and somehow I believe him because he acts and speaks gently like my husband.

When they say we women are the architects of our own problems, this is exactly what is meant.

You don't know the dynamics of this 16 year old marriage with 6 kids, you've never spoken to the wife nor heard her version of events, yet you feel comfortable giving destructive advice based on one party's version of events??

Seriously!

glossy6:
His daughter passed the model college exams and the wife is threatening hell on earth that her child won't attend a cheap school. My kids attend model college and I don't have an issue with that and to think that I earn and have more qualifications than her beats me. And the man looks so quiet and forlorn. I can't give my husband 10% of that trouble ooh. If I kill him with stress, who will come to my aid

Why the comparism? Is this some sort of competition?

How has what she want for her kids got to do with you, your qualifications, or the school(s) your own kids attend? Is she asking you to pay for the education of her kids?

Even if the mother wants her kids to be schooled on the moon or at planet Neptune, what's that got to do with you? You're fanning the embers in someone else's marriage with your interference while adopting the my marriage better pass your own mentality with your criticisms and you don't even see it.

glossy6:
My dear I tire sha oooh. I told him to let her go and don't force the marriage to linger as I am afraid one of them may get hurt seriously as in bodily harmed.

Why are you so heavily involved in someone else's marriage? What's in it for you?

Re: bodily harm, so the man does have violent tendencies and you wonder why she got the police involved?

glossy6:
About a month ago a colleague bared his mind to me on the happenings in his home and how hurt he feels.
He is married to a beautiful lady whom he married when she was quite young and they birthed 6 children (boys & girls). Both of them work with a Federal parastatal, though different offices. Previously, she was based in the East while the husband has been in Lagos but later brought his family together. He claimed that the wife refuses to assist him in running the home but insisted that their kids must attend high fees paying schools which the man is finding difficult to cope with as it costs him about 700k every term. His pleas for assistance always meets a brick wall as the wife told him she is saving for a jeep. His niece had to stay off school for a term for him to gather money for her fees as she is the one looking after his kids. The wife, he said is just after her comfort and nothing more! She must drive to work, no matter the cost petrol.
I saw him with a polybag on Friday and jokingly asked if he went shopping and he was close to tears telling me how another colleague of ours bought a dress for his wife and his wife was so appreciative that he decided to buy for his wife, only for the wife to berate him saying he bought her cheap dresses (he bought 2 gowns). She demanded for the dresses to be changed to bigger sizes, which he did only for her to choose one and reject the other, hence he brought it back to the seller. He told me a lot of unpalatable things he had been going through and I asked him to summon a family meeting and he said he had had several meetings in the past and they yielded no positive results and he has to maintain his cool in order not to be accused of domestic violence. I advised him to return the dress then and pray for God's intervention because it beats my imagination that a working class women will refuse to assist at home. She buys and keep bottled water I her room but will never replenish pure water for the kids.
Then yesterday, we were paid subsistence allowance and the amount was reasonable and we were all excited. But this morning he came to me with a gloomy face and I was like, what is it? What he said shocked me and may shock you too. He said instead of him to be happy that we received allowance, he is very sad and depressed! His wife brought a policeman to arrest him. He came home before the wife, only for her to drive in much later with a policeman and was told to report to the station to answer to reports written against him by his wife (who also got the allowance alert). He reported at the police station and the wife was called on phone (she stayed back while my colleague followed the policeman ). When she came, she said her husband has been threatening her life, hence her making the police entry. The man denied the allegations and told them that family issues should be settled by family and not in police station as He married her from a family and not a police station. He was released and got home by 11pm.
What is your take on this as he want to leave the house for her.
lala please help.

Oh pls spare us the theatrics!

For once we get to read a story (assuming it's true) of a working, married woman refusing to be pushed around, or forced to live the pretentious suffering and smiling Mrs at all costs life.

Here is an independent working woman who knows her rights and has refused to be pushed around by her husband or "societal expectations". Hence her involving the police at the onset to curb any domestic violence thoughts the man might be harbouring from listening to poke-nosing advisors.

She's on ground with how it works in a patriarchal society like Nigeria where the man can do no wrong and will forever get a pat on the back no matter what. This woman has been honest from the onset about her views on home finance. She's not prepared to start something she can't finish as per "helping" him foot the bills. Too many stories abound about women helping out with good intentions only for the man to take advantage and eventually extract themselves totally from any financial commitment towards the upkeep of the home. No be Naija man again? In a setting that hugely favours the man and his antics?

We always advice spouses on here to start as they mean to go. Shebi he's the head of the home? Let him face his duties and stop bad mouthing his wife and mother of his 6 kids to all and sundry.

A woman refusing to trek under rain and sun to work but has rather chosen to save up for a family jeep (which incidentally would be used to make life easier not just for her but the entire family) is being berated? What's wrong with wanting to own a car which she would be paying for herself? Or must she age before her time to satisfy the opinion of outsiders who can't mind their own business? I'm sure the man's probably got one for himself.

I bet this woman's also built her own house hence the man knows he can't push her around. Let him keep badmouthing her to family and "friends". In the meantime, he knows where the door is if he can't stand the heat.

CynthiaI1:
hi Efe... just coming on NL after 6 years and really alot has changed. i tried retrieving my account and i got saddled with this lousy username...CynthiaI1
i know you are guessing who this is... well, its Cynthoney.
pls, how can i retrieve my former username?
hate this new username
dont even kw where the hell it is from

Cynthia??

byvan03:
They don't offer enough suspense to keep me glued, I love criminal minds and snapped. I watch a lot of season movies too, watching Alias now.

Animal documentaries and European period drama like Versailles. Else good old Epic African movies.

edwife:
Miss you too,eddy baby is having mad fun. Will upload pics beach and forest.Somewhere in Africa

Have fun girl,going bridge swing too see you ladies.

Forest?? As in jungle?? Now THAT, I must see pics of

Abi you're on a Safari tour somewhere in East Africa?

Either way, cool stuff girl...

@Ifyalways, I meant to type "sporty" not "superficial". Na predictive texting cause am. Nne, oya you too upload something make we see and salivate after too.

@Byvan03: Lol! I wish I had time to watch just 1 Nollywood movie sef. Now I'm starting to feel like madam Blank

glamoured:
Good evening famiylanders, i'm in great pain as i write this.
i ave a stepfather,a mean and a man without conscience or pity..
my late mum told me my dad died 4months after i was born,so i wasn't really privileged to enjoy real fatherly affection.
my mom being a young woman, remarried this man i call my stepfather.

i cannot really remember if he showed me love,care and affection when i was still young,but as of what i happening now,i strongly doubt it if he actually had love for me....


my mom died late 2013, and that marked my trials.
when my mom was still alive, he was a little bit affectionate (i guess he did that to please my late mom,as I always overhead them quarrelling about how he treats me)
when my mom was laid to rest, even there from the burial ground, he started showing signs of his wickedness..

I don't know what I have done to this man that he resents me so much... I try as much as possible to give him the respect accorded to him but he treats me like dirt..

can you imagine this man whipped me just because I came back from school, when into the kitchen and took food that my step junior sis prepared, my God that day he so flogged me that I saw stars..

I didn't attend lectures for a week because of the pains gotten from the bearings..

I live in fear of maiming everyday of my life, sometimes, I wonder if my real father and this man where sworn enemies..
I don't care about the maltreatment, but the one breaking my heart now is my education, God knows this man whipped is wicked..

I got admitted into the university a year after my mom's death, luckily she had some money in her acct, and I was the only one who knew her ATM pin as she usually sent me to withdraw money for her.
I withdrew all the money into my accts that was my last resort to secure my admission as he turned deaf ears to my pleas to sponsor me through school..

I am in my third year now, and frankly helpless as my step dad doesn't even care a damn about my existence at all..
struggle to buy textbooks, handouts and all, in short, I would be better off as an orphan than this life I'm living

Can you believe the only money this man gave me for school was 4thousand naira for feeding for a whole month, apart from that he hasn't even looked my way..

my life is in shambles and on the verge of collapse. I wonder why God brought me into this world to suffer.

I have considered taking this pain of a life but death by suicide is a sure gate to hell fire and God knows I hate hell after my step dad.

Sorry for boring you all with my misery of a life..

my advice to you all; value your parents,siblings, loved ones.
treat them with care respect and love as you never know what they are to you until you lose them....

This was a difficult read.

Girl I feel for you, I really do but what can you do? What options do you have?

You are an orphan in every sense of the word and your step father feels he owes you nothing. The little he does for you is not because you ask but in memory of your mum.

I know this isn't what you want to hear but right now, this man is the one who cares for you the most out of your entire family, i.e: from your mum and dad's side. When I say "care", I mean performing the basic duties / key essentials of providing a roof over your head, still funding your university education (to some extent), and executes his role as a parent to you - albeit a very harsh one. But at least be grateful he's still there. Nothing stops him from throwing you out of his house. You do know that, don't you?

See, life isn't fair but we've just got to make the most of what we've got. Hard to believe but you're a lot luckier than thousands of others out there. Your mum passed away before you gained admission to uni. But somehow, you've forged ahead and managed to see yourself up to your third year. This goes to show you've got an enterpreneaur-ship spirit. You're also careful with the little funds you've got.

Just keep on pushing through and before you know it, you'll be done with schooling. You've done good girl. Just a little further to go...

blank:
This topic makes me sad that's why i have not commented on the topic.

I wonder why women have to give up their careers or make compromises so that they can balance the two. I look back at the driven young lady that i was and wonder how i ended up here. I remember how i made my husband wait for more than 2 years before i married him just because i wanted a career. What's the point? Could have even married at 18 years and gotten it over and done with.

I look at my colleagues that we started together and when i see them in high posts and compare with myself and where i am, i feel so down. Don't get me wrong, i am blessed with how far i have come but i feel (i know) i could have done more.

My dad taught me that i was more than anyone's equal. I was intelligent, i was diligent and i was hungry for success. I was his carbon copy. But when he called me to his room to tell me to slow down and "make a home", it was the beginning of the end. I am a manger in an international company, earning good pay but feeling very disappointed because i know i could have been a whole lot more. Time out for maternity leave and it means you won't get considered for promotion regardless of how hard you've worked. Left a "stressful" job with prospects for an easier job with barely any, just comfortable pay. Didn't take up better offers because we felt that it would be too stressful on my growing family.

Rant over.

Lol! I feel you, more than you know. What you described is almost a mirror image of my experiences except that I've had it all, and some, and none, and more.

Yep, life moves in cyclic phases and it's a constant juggle to get it right i.e: work-life-balance. Like you, I come from a (pushy) family of go-getters / achievers. Take my dad for example: BSc Mechanical Engineering (Zaria), MSc Chemical Engineering, Imperial College (scholarship), MSc PetroChemical Engineering (Pittsburgh), PHD Engineering (Oaklahoma). Mum: BSc Computer Science (London), MSc MicroBiology (Oaklahoma) plus some extra post graduate qualifications in Naija she obtained on their return. Plus she never failed to remind us how she combined undertaking a full-time Masters degree with 3 part-time jobs in the states and 2 kids under the age of 5.

So the very high standards were set from the onset and the expectations were non-negotiable. Failure giving up was never an option for any of us, moreso for me being the first child. It was forever drummed into my ears by my dad, "you're the ambassador of this family", while mumsie would chip in with her emotional blackmail, "you know I have mostly girls oh! Pls put your head down and face your studies". I got that at the start of EVERY school year. Talk about pressure.

But anyway, growing up in that environment, by 17 I had my life fully mapped out. I knew exactly what I wanted, my career aspirations, my goals in life, my intended achievements, and most of all - my independence.

But one thing I didn't factor in was society's expectations of the girl child. I.e marriage. By age 22 I felt I was fast becoming an old maid destined for the shelf. My parents thought I was crazy to think so but I felt otherwise. So on completion of uni, I didn't see much point in waiting and shortly after youth service tied the knot. Even during my first pregnancy, body still dey sweet me as per still pushing on with my career and attending job interviews. I think it finally hit home (understanding the sacrifices one has to make) when I birthed my first child. Childcare as you know is a big deal over here and for a young couple starting from scratch, you have to carefully weigh your options. Don't get me wrong, I was working oh, always had been, but just not in my field / up to the professional level I was trained for. I had to settle for something "less" to spend more time with our son but that didn't stop me from trying to "put my foot through the door" so to speak. I did get exactly what I wanted (within an investment bank) about a year later, but what I didn't realise at the time of my interview was that I was already pregnant with my 2nd son. The stress was no joke but I worked right up to the EDD then went on maternity leave. To cut a long story short, I had to give up my career after delivering my son because 3 months later I had taken in again with baby no. 3.

But did that stop me itching to get back out there? No. But I had to face reality. With no immediate family over here, hubby and I had to rely totally on ourselves. Sure we had FIL who helped out in his own little way but how much could an elderly man do with 3 very young kids? So I had to take a painful step back and settle for a very part time job with next to no career prospects. Meanwhile, the gap in my professional work experience was widening. Applying for those graduate roles yielded little or no results plus the economy was experiencing a downturn post the dot.com boom and bust. I was no longer eligible for graduate positions as I'd graduated from uni a couple of years ago by then.

To say I was getting frustrated with each passing day is an understatement. I'd spend hours on the phone with my dad bemoaning my fate till he suggested doing my masters degree. I applied to all the posh uni's here, even to the one my dad attended (Imperial College), but they all rejected my application. T'was then he reminded me that even his uni was an elite one and I should consider one with less "status" as long as the certificate is recognised. No wahala, I did and got taken. As I'd been working part time at my dead-end job for some years, I was able to fully fund my full-time degree without having to take a loan from the bank.

So your sister was schooling full-time: Mon-Wed, working part-time: Thu-Sat and pregnant with the 4th baby. Chei! I remember when I realised I was pregnant, and even remembered the yeye see-through red and blank lingerie that put me in the predicament, plus the day it happened. Mtcheeew

It was a struggle oh, but I eventually saw it through and two years later eventually got what I wanted, career wise. I remember saying I intended to have 4 kids by / before age 30. I was told I'll age before my time oh!

Anyway, like you, I know if I'd waited or not even had kids, I know where I'd be career wise but either way, sacrifices would still have been made. At least I'm back on track. I done born finish and closed shop. So I can focus totally on my career and thankful it's getting better and better. The icing on the cake is: the government's removed the compulsory 60 / 65 year old retirement age. So one can work till their 80' / 90+ as long as they're of sound mind and physically fit to do the job.

I intend to do just that, God willing. Afterall, where the brain is concerned, you either use it or lose it.

So yeah, I totally get how you feel, but don't worry, it's only going to get better girl!

P.s: At one point post marriage, popsie had a 1-2-1 chat with me reminding me, "you're not a man" and asking me to slow down. But who brought me up to follow in their footsteps?

On another ocassion, he noted I'll enter the delivery room with a text book. Lol!!