₦airaland Forum

Mindfulness:


Honestly, I wonder how much she got. I hope she played it smart.
I would have made several TV channels and magazines fight for this interview. I know they would be willing to pay a huge amount to be the first ones to get this interview.

Yep. I don't think she played her cards very well.

I mean she more or less admitted their marriage is over. So, she should have used that opportunity to tell her story to the highest bidder in juicy bits (like a cliff hanger series) to the tune of nothing less than N45million.

rexbuton:
But I'm a guy nah..


the pants actually tear.. I've decided that they are too tight


My Dp is about Portuguese Visitors to Benin in around the 15th century. Easy to infer from their dresses.

You've got really pretty legs too

Ah! My bad...

Re: Portuguese visitors to Benin 15th century - I'll read up on that. Thanks for the info.

bennyrazz:
Every life is precious in the eyes of God. Nothing is horrible about my comment and nothing is wrong with me, I'm just being frank. If God gave them just one child, they would protect the child with all they have. What does a 4yr old know? left to me, her parents will be in jail by now and if possible, I will take her away from them because they are simply wicked and selfish

Everything's wrong with your earlier comment:

bennyrazz:
Carelessness of her parents caused this. Probably her parents have up to 8kids so loosing one wouldn't be a problem to them. May God have mercy on them

1. You don't know the full story or how exactly that accident happened.

2. Irrespective of the number of kids a parent has, be it 20 or just 1, every one of their kids is precious. It's not your place to make claims and assertions that the amount of love parents have for their children diminishes with the number of kids they have.

3. While I do agree that the parents should be held responsible as they have a duty of care to their child, freak accidents can happen to anyone. You're implying that the parents directly caused this. You might as well state that they doused her in fuel and threw a lit match on her...

bennyrazz:
waiting for comments from madam Efemenaxy and mindfulness

Too long an article.

From the little I read, she went to him of her own free will. So what's the problem?

bennyrazz:
Carelessness of her parents caused this. Probably her parents have up to 8kids so loosing one wouldn't be a problem to them. May God have mercy on them

That is a horrible, horrible thing to say! What's wrong with you?

Every life is precious.

ionsman:
This topic has made FP before. Why repeat it again?

Are the mods so clueless?

I think this is an update on the original story. It's good to know what's been happening and his success story so far, so others out there can be motivated to render whatever help they can to the poor, vulnerable, and desperately needy.

The transformation in just 3 months is amazing. Handsome dude too.

That little boy is a born fighter and will move on to greater things in life.

God bless the aid worker who rescued him.

rexbuton:
I love wearing traditional attire esp when attending seminars and conferences as my colleagues find them unique. But recently I've discovered most of the pants torn after being worn twice or thrice!
Could it be the tailor's fault or is it rats and roaches?

Funny topic.

Love your dp girl. What's the story behind it? Pray do tell...

Anyway, back to the "issue" on hand - it could be that the seams of your pants weren't securely sewn in and are coming apart or loose. On the other hand, it could be that either your pants are a size or two too small for you, or you've put on weight.

Onegai:
So what should she have done?

If she had come to NL with her greviances, some of you would have advised her to focus on her job and children and leave her husband alone, he will come to his senses #ensure. She did that and the husband disgraced her and jeopardized her career (or do you think album sales make money in Nigeria? It's her endorsements and private gigs which do). So she did an interview to save her job. And you're still not happy.

Some of you would have advised her to divorce him. After all, she's paying the bills, he had slapped her around (even when she denied it, people saw her swollen face). His cheating is public (pretty girls on the island who go clubbing and are insecure enough to date a married man have been saying so for at least 2 years and they had pictures of him in bed to prove it. Or did you think her friendship with Linda Ikeji wasn't because she wanted something in return?). So she had divorced him. And you're still not happy.

So, what should she have done?

To anyone who has marital problems, the only lesson you can take away is this: please decide what you want to do and live with it. Because the world will judge and support alternatively. You may as well please yourself.

Well said.

I am curious though - what did he borrow N45m for?

To fund his cocaine habit? Or keeping up with the Joneses?

I think she's made the right choice - but what matters most is that she is happy with her decision.

bennyrazz:
The accusations of the man in the story are just cheap blackmails to get his wife off his back. He knows he is cheating and instead of admitting, he is also accusing his wife of same. The bottom line is, he is a serial cheat and it only takes an encounter with God for serial cheats to change. The questions I asked further are not related to the story above and are not within the context of the story. And madam efe, I am an anointed man of God I don't know where you got that juju jargons from

Mindfulness:
She should ONLY give the interview for a HUGE SUM of money, not Naira - preferably Dollars, Pounds or Euros - Swiss Francs are ok too.

Materialistic you.

But yeah, she should have made money from it - preferably in the highlighted, bold, green currency.

bennyrazz:
Madam efe, The question is how do you handle infidelity accusations in marriages

Based on the write up, the woman is innocent, and her husband's claim unfounded.

Thus the point I made was, why should the accused be forced to put up with unproven nonsense, to the point of pacifying the accuser? Does that sound normal to you, oga Bennyrazz?

bennyrazz:
not the story been peddled up there where the woman is being painted as the victim,

She is the accused and therefor the victim.

bennyrazz:
if the table was turned the other way, would you have made this comment?

I raised the point about the tables being turned. Why're you repeating what I've already said?

bennyrazz:
How many women have left their marriages seeking for greener pastures in the house of other men?

How does that apply within the context of the story here? Did this woman leave her husband or indicate that she plans on leaving him? Isn't her upset based on the fact that after over 35 years of marriage, he accuses her of what she's innocent of?

Come to think of it, maybe she should have done just what you're implying.

bennyrazz:
Married women now talk about having sexual boyfriends, financial boyfriends etc the thing is men and women of nowadays are not contented with what they have and because of that

Is that your interpretation of this story?

That this 60 something year old married woman has got sexual boyfriends, financial boyfriends, and whatever category of boyfriends you've come up with?

bennyrazz:
cases of infidelity will not cease till Jesus comes

You don't believe in Jesus.

You're an apprentice juju priest.

^^ Thanks!

Mindfulness:
The question is:

Should we also be tolerant of intolerant people / religious beliefs?

If intolerant people expected to be tolerated, the least they can do is show some "tolerance" of other's beliefs (religion, etc) that differs from theirs.

Any deviation from that should rightly land them in court, explaining why they've broken the law.

The key to successful, multi-cultural societies is tolerance. I live in one and can't even begin to describe the immense benefits derived from being a part of it.

edwife:
Not yet... summer babes,the sun,the wind,the freedom...phewww can't wait.

Lol! Waiting make it all the more worthwhile hun.

Mindfulness:
Some people believe that people who are different (=homs.exuals) should be shown tolerance but is the value of tolerance more important than the belief that it is wrong to tolerate hom.osexuals?

What should we tolerate? Religious beliefs that it is wrong and harmful or differences?


Now, my own opinion on this does not matter. It is just an example.

One's definition / belief in what is wrong or right is subjective and open to different interpretation, not to mention varying cultural nuances.

Having said that, as long as one's practices doesn't cause harm or infinge on the rights of others, then people should learn to live and let live.

I have no issues with homosexuals / transgenders / polygamists, etc

Mindfulness:
She has been pampering him despite his attitude for more than 30 years, why stop now?
And this is why I will always say, nobody is worth sacrificing your life, happiness and peace of mind.
The outcome can never be good if the path toward it wasn't.

Have a nice weekend hun.

Well said, I can't fault your analysis on that one, apart from the 1st line.

It's never too late to make changes. Never say never unless you're six feet under.

Mindfulness:
Well, the thing with the values is often highly subjective and differs from culture to culture.

Let me give you a few examples:

Honesty
Is it good to be honest and tell a person that s/he is stu.pid even though it is true?

Forgiveness
Does a mother have to forgive someone who killed her child or is it understandable that some sort of revenge would grant her some relief?
Do we have to forgive criminals or do we punish them?

Justice
Why do we have courts if what is just is clear-cut?

Selflessness / Selfishness
Is it not just natural to be selfish?
How do you want to take care of others if you do not take care of yourself IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Tolerance
Do African countries have to become more tolerant of homo.sexuality?
Should tolerance be placed above the belief that homo.sexuality harms a society?



It is an interesting topic.

Nice one.

I don't get your stance on the bolded bit. Care to explain further?

PresVA:
^^^^ Hahahahahhahah...

Won't be surprised if the op cheats on his wife because most cheats are always so suspicious of their partners..

I hope things get better in their marriage shaaa.. they should just settle outside nl..

Stop laughing jare. I'm fast learning that brick phones are an offensive gift, hence them being unstealable.

They both need the services of a good marriage counselor.

edwife:
They both went to the market and bought the mirror. Same day and same time just different vendors.

Hindsight, they say, is a beautiful thing.

You done with studies yet? When are you travelling?

jerrydelight:
I overheard a woman in her early 60s
complaining about her husband accusing her of
infidelity after over 35 years of marriage. To her
it was surprising that her husband would level
such accusation on her at this her age where
there is no "Juice" (in her words) left in her.
It pained her that when her husband was

been transferred in his workplace from one
state to the other, being absent from her for
over a year she remained faithful to him, as
well as when he ignored her and went after
other women, beats her up etc. That after all
she has endured in their over 35years of
marriage the best her husband would do was to
accuse her of infidelity.

I believe this is exactly the kind of pain African
Music Diva " Tiwa Savage" is currently suffering
from, considering all that she had borne for the
success of her marriage with " TeeBillz" only to
be accused of infidelity.

Though It wasn't any of my business but I had
to ponder on the issue and I came to
understand that Men that often accuse their
faithful wives of infidelity are usually those been
devoured by the guilt of their inability to love /
care for their wives as they ought to.

They,been totally aware of the things that makes
their wives happy and not able to do them, yet
find their wives happy, presume that another
man must be responsible for their happiness.
This presumption is what leads them to accuse
their wives of infidelity.

If you have been faithful to your husband as a
wife despite all unfair treatments from him and
he is accusing you of unfaithfulness, don't let it
bother you. He is just feeling guilty for not
loving / caring for you as a husband should. If
he is reasonable, talk to him; tell him you have
forgiven him. I believe it will help him overcome
his guilt, withdraw his accusations and
appreciate the sacrifices you have made for your
marriage and ... you know the rest.

If Tiwa had known this and Teebillz been
reasonable, the unfortunate end of the marriage
would have been prevented.

What nonsense.

The accuser should be pampered for spewing unfounded trash, because the accused is made of stone and wood without feelings.

It's tiring reading "advice" from "men" who can't stomach their own advice if the tables were turned.

edwife:
My advice was in my message, they both fit each other.

Meaning?

She knew the mirror was faulty, yet went ahead to purchase it? C'mon - have a heart lady.

edwife:
I missed you too.
Nah, I don’t help people castigate their spouses. I only state facts and say what many people don’t say because they refuse to acknowledge their own part in whatever situation they find themselves in.

You go to the market to buy a mirror, the vendor tells you that the mirror has a scratch that is why he is selling it with that price. You obviously see the scratch and you agree to buy it; You loved it,put it right in the middle of your sitting. Friends and family came to visit, some didn't fail to show their dismay and some criticized it while some liked it. In order to please everyone and make yourself feel good, you went ahead patching it using glue which didn't change people’s opinion, it was worse. You then went back to the vendor and accused him of selling you a “broken” mirror and blame him for the present look.

They guy had two options: He could have ignore people’s opinion and focus on why he bought it in the first place or he could have cover that place with garments like flowers, put it where there is lightning so that people will focus on the beauty of the mirror with those embellishments than the scratch.

People should learn to accept responsibilities for their actions and stop with the blame game.

Yes, yes, but what's your advice to @op? Me, I've told him to divorce his "unfaithful, ungrateful" wife. What's yours?

Missed what exactly?

Is there anything preventing kids from recreating the activities in the pictures you posted?

48noble:
I would helped u,Bros but I ve 3 cousin sisters at home two is waiting 4 dia admission and 1 just finished WAEC ...I can't trust NLd guys with fyn gyls... Pls

What are you saying?

Shadeolad:
Thank God u mentioned tax. That will be one of d numerous requirements which am sure she does not have. Besides in Nigeria here, students are in their 3rd term, no Govt school admits at this term except thru d backdoor and where's she going to get d money to grease palms from?

You just don't get it, do you?

She can't continue to live above her means. It's not sustainable and sooner or later, it will all come crashing down before her.

Things like these are capable of inducing high blood pressure. Just reading about it in itself is enough...

dominique:
I don't know the moralities involved in registering children in public schools but those schools in that neighborhood are way below par. A school where the primary six pupils can't speak clear English. I see some of them on a daily basis, yelling and cursing at one other in native language, there's no way you would want your children to be a part of that if you want a bright future for them. There are cheaper private schools she can enrol them in but by the time she pays for the registration and buy new uniforms, it all amounts to the current fees she's paying if not more.

A brilliant child is a brilliant child and will thrive irrespective of which school he / she attends.

dominique:
@Baby124, I want to correct impression that she may have chased her husband away with school fees expenses. She handled the children's fees all by herself for FOUR solid years, coupled with other household expenses. What he usually contribute to was rent and feeding and shortly before he took off he had not been providing any, that was why the expired rent ran on for months. Her major source of income is her shop which is basically dried up now. If she's able to bring it back to its former state but unable to continue with the children's fees, then I expect her to make necessary adjustments.

Re: the bolded, if that is the case, then she shouldn't have any school fees arrears, if as you say, she's been footing the bills comfortably. Her rent arrears, based on your explanation is understandable.

She's in so much debt right now, it doesn't make sense to build it up any further based on sentimental reasons. There is only so long you can test the patience of creditors and right now, her keeping those kids in a private school she can't afford is simply widening the hole she's already in.

Her expenses far outweigh her income so it make perfect sense to pull them out and stop her debts from accumulating. At one point, she might have to consider relocating back to the village if that would be more affordable, as she's barely sustaining the roof over their heads.

She also needs to reach out to both sides of the family to help track down her run away husband, settle their differences, and work together for the betterment of their family. It's a two man job and quite frankly, she isn't coping on her own. Not if she's resorting to begging from strangers.

Bolade005:
Pls do teach us the other ways, I'm interested. Btw, what makes you think the man is not open to other means of sexual satisfaction? The woman cannot even give her man head till he climax. The selfish person here is the OP.

OP, you're married to this man and you find the thought of him erupting in your mouth repugnant? Smh

I pray God gives you the wisdom to do the right thing. All the best.

Bolade005:
I refuse to answer that question

Why?

If you feel the wife whose just given birth barley 3 weeks should have no qualms having her hubby ejaculatte in her mouth, then such a man should have no issues whatsoever going down on his wife and giving her mouth action immediately after birth.

Getting nasty works both ways, mate.

freelance777:
You are probably not married, so you lack the core values that enshrines the policies of marriage. You were able to delete his pin, which means no chat or nothing. But here is someone who still opened a chat communication telling a guy that the phone cant be stolen because of what? What does that translate to knowing fully well you implored not to establish any form of communication? Please dont be a feminist here.

Because you gave her a "brick" phone. You know, the sort of phone you'll even have to bribe and beg thieves to steal.

Anyway, what are you waiting for? Why haven't you divorced her yet?

Edwife: your input is needed here. Come help @OP castigate his scarlet wife.

treese:
My topic might not be new. But my experience and what I have come to learn in this journey of marriage is new. So maybe I just began to agree with that saying "no man is worth the stress". I have come to learn the HARD way. My hubby made me learn the not so nice way that he isn't worth the stress; may months back i used to cry,complain,check his phones like every night, bother my head to get his password. And you know what I suffered more. Cos whenever i eventually find what u looking for, my dear i never get the answer I thought I should get. Words like "baby don't worry your little head about anything cause I will never cheat on you" even tho I know they ain't true. But rather I get abused, shouted at for not minding my business, and even sometimes I just find out the tables are turned around and am the one begging for what I don't know. Sometimes while crying 8 just LOL cause it's just a funny world.
I realised that it's not like he doesn't care. But no man can help having external woman around, no matter what u do to take care of them. They just can't do without it. Also he doesn't want me to ask questions about it instead just move on like nothing happened; thatz man's definition of just give me peace. I tried to do it my way several times but It never paid off.
Now I have drank the I don't care pills. I may not be there yet but am working and grooming myself to the point where even I find him on top of another woman I would just smile, walk into my kitchen and prepare food for my children. That brings me to the children part in this circle of marriage. They are all have got. There is none that loves me more than my toddlers. Cause they are the only ones that run to gt me tissue when they se tears rolling down my eyes. Only them know wen am in pains. Only them follow me where ever I go. Only them ask me mummy how are you. Note. Its not like hubby doesn't love; but here is his definition of love. I put food on your table, I pay all the bills, I take care of you and the kids, you never lack... that should. And you know what I pray to God to bless him for me everyday.
Am glad am getting better in this institution and my garden are getting better, from my cooking, to my use of patience, to my reduction of anger, and some others in can't mention.
But you know the shocking thing. I didn't pray about any. I only worked on it. Neither do I pray for my hubby never to cheat on me, nah, I rather pray for my toddlers to prosper, and remember the pain we went thru to bring them to the world and give them the best.
Or is there any need to pray for our men not cheat? Am I being selfish? I think I woyld rather work hard, have a fat bank account, so I can always give my kids the best in life. So dear wife worry not about them hubby. Your happiness is paramount, is he already cheating on you and you can't take it anymore. Then step out from the ever crying zone, gt urself a happy zone, mk urself happy, but keep praying for him to be saved. If u r happy u can pray, if u are sad have u observed you can't pray. So first get your happiness then u pray for him to be fine wherever he is.
Now my hubby don't respond to my messages, but I keep sending them. Reminding him I will always love him. 2days ago I bought him a small card of just 500naira but the words in it where true. May God bless us good and trying wife's and give us grace cause thatz all we need.

https://www.nairaland.com/2893855/letter-worried-woman-no-man

This too?

treese:
So my hubby likes me cleaning his ears and doing his pedicures and manicure. Am totally totally cool with it. I didn't use to understand why I av to clean his ears tho. But I got to understand he likes me doing it. So why not. I rem a aunty of mine telling me that whatever u don't want with ur husband don't start it. She said it's not like shez discouraging me from doing all those. But one day it will cause a big fight that will confuse you. My be she was damn right. As I speak now my hubby has refused to eat or talk to me cause yesterday he asked me to clean his easy and I told him to say please and stop asking me like he put jazz in his mouth. So I went into the kitchen to make my hungry son's food and fed him; after feeding my son I took the cotton buds and asked to clean the ears and he bluntly refused; That was I knew fight don start. First can some wives share their own experiences with me on the Wierd stuffs we do for love and how you handle it. Cos it's unfair if he gets upset with me wen I refuse to do these stuffs. We have argued several times over this ish and he tells me to go and ask my formed and I will be shocked to hear a lot of wired stiffs women to for their men. So let's here ur ladies. Share your Wierd stuffs.

https://www.nairaland.com/2991904/wives-kindly-share-weird-stuffs

Or this?

treese:
Though he usually says he doesn't care about my self esteem but I don't think this has to do with self esteem alone. I think there is more. While we were dating we spoke about my sex life and body nature. It's not like I had too many relationships but I just knew men say my vaginal is kind of lax. Even wen I lost my virginity the guy called me a blunt liar to my face, saying I claimed to be a virgin when I wasn't.

You didn't bleed and getting in wasn't so hard. That is one ruined relationship that would have been awesome. And probably the last man standing. If you be virgin, you go know, if you not, you will know and I KNEW then that I was.

Now my husband knew this about my body and decides to stick with it. Somehow someway which I don't know after my first child, vaginal got tight, second child too same happened. To a certain extent it helped our sex life because it made him love it. And I could tell it's one of the reasons he probably hasn't cheated..

Just 2 days back. We had a little misunderstanding then I mentioned something about sèx. Quote me if am wrong. Sex is meant for bonding between a man and a woman and that's why God instituted it in marriage alone. So you both can get closer, and in my own opinion when there are issues BTW them the power of sex is to make forgiveness easy. The next thing my husband said is. It's not like am enjoying the sex. It's now feels like been in a pool.

OMG I was HURT. I lost the essence of life immediately, lost the essence of marriage. Out of anger I told him only men with big dicks should complain, men with pencils dares nor. That was my only defence because he said it with soooooo much heartlessness. I cried...i cried so much. This man that I have back sex with so that our sex life would be whole. Sometimes I bleed. Then I said to myself it's not worth it. Then I realised, For him if anything goes wrong with me due to that sexual style, Am on my own. Few hours later I sent him a text that I was sorry for everything not because it was easy but two wrongs never ever make a right in marriage. Can't walk away with two kids can only make it work.

Following day wen I saw he was in a good mood. I decided to ask, then he said I was lax and it has made sex unenjoyable. I wondered y he didn't tell me immediately he noticed and why he had to throw it to my face. But what, it's a man's world. If they don't reap their mean ways here on earth. It waits in heaven.

But trust me since then I have been concerned,Google all I could, nothing much. Even the kegel exercise has always been my practice. I now feel this time he might just look outside wen sex gets all pool like. He said he will buy toys, he said he can't pretend to love it wen he doesn't. Which I agree with. But even the toys can it ever be Like d real things. Sometimes he might want to feel the woman and not want toys. What happens next? I can't encourage him to cheat cos if he does and I find out I would leave with my kids. But I don't want him to. Am confused. So so confused. You know wen a man is concerned he will probably do research with you, find out info call doctors, but he didn't, he just broke the news to me and he's like do something about it or I might not be making out with u again. It's really not fair. Cos some men might possibly not go about it that way. But at the same time, it's like that's his nature. I can only Leave with it or take a walk. But take a walk to where, becos am now lax? But I also hear sex in marriage is KEY, with two kids, and I love him, but thatz still not the point. I DON'T know. Please who does? I have smiling all over the house, acting like everything is fine once am alone i cry again, because the fear is, would there ever be a solution , would I still be tight again, and this is a marriage where sex is sometimes 1 in 2 or 3 weeks, so definitely that's not the reason for my laxity, i will be sad if my marriage gets ruined because am lax. I hope my husband reads this thank God he is a nairalander

https://www.nairaland.com/2444832/husband-said-he-no-longer

And is this true also?