₦airaland Forum

Mindfulness:
Maybe, maybe not.

Europeans and Americans migrate too even though their countries of origin are not in a mess.

They don't migrate for the same reasons as those moving from the developing countries to the developed ones do. They already have the basics back home.

The evil that men do.

How can a "mother" retire for the night, bolt and lock down the doors of her home, knowing her 2 year old son - the child she carried for nine months in the womb and gave birth to, is out there alone in the dark, unprotected?

Didn't his cries move her? Or the dad?

Those are the real witches and wizards.

Mindfulness:
@bold
I am not disputing it but economic migration does not happen for the sake of economic migration but for the sake of having a better life / feeling better. Does anyone actually move abroad even though he or she thinks that he or she will be unhappier there?

Not unhappier as per say, but knowing one would be much happier if what the seek outside is offered at home.

nasha1:
I do understand all you are saying,explaining like this is good.But not the way other people on this thread have been doing.As if there is no danger abroad.Many has met their deaths there too,thinking it is safe.
If everyone run away who then will fix it?Some people need to go back and teach the ignorant ones.We can't all run away,because like it or not the family you left behind will be part of the "wicked" people u left.The country needs more enlighten people,those countries abroad were built by human beings.they fought to make their country better and what it is today.People that live here are happy too and many very rich people prefer 2 stay here dan abroad.

Thanks Nasha1.

I also get where you're coming from.

Yes, even Rome wasn't built in a day, but we all know that for any progress to be made, there has to be a completely change of mindset, not just for those at the grassroots, but especially for those at the top. The politicians. Take for example, bribery and corruption. Yes, it does happen everywhere but we've got mega doses of it.

Imagine someone vying for a government contract (say to build a health centre / water plant) in a community that is worth N10m. This contractor along with others vying for the same contract ramp up their prices to N150m. The "winner" walks away with his cut from the deal, let's say N75m.

Would this person feed his ill-gotten gains into the community? No.

The mentality of nearly everyone there is, when you get into a position of power, each as much as you can, fill your pockets as much as you can, and throw scraps to the masses. It's frustrating.

Mindfulness:
@bold

I don't get it. Can you explain, please? Why would you desire a better standard of living if it doesn't make you happier?

I think she means a "better standard of living" as per having a system inclusive of basic amenities that works. A place where you know after a hard fortnight's or month's grafting, you get paid and not having to wait 3, 4, 5+ months to get paid. A place where you and your kids have the opportunity to live a decent life.

But that notwithstanding, East to West, North to South, home is best in the sense that if you grew up in Naija or spent a fair bit of your life over there, you can't help but feel nostalgic with the occasional dose of homesickness.

So you can enjoy all the bells and whistles offered by the west and be comfortable, but you know in your heart of heart that if Nigeria could match the West in offering these same things to her people, many Nigerians abroad would up sticks and run back home without so much of a backward glance.

It's all about Economic Migration. Moving on to greener pastures.

KanwuliaExtra:
Una still dey do "early MOMO" tinz?
We don retire o!

SEPARATE BEDROOM POSITION PLEAAAAAAAZE!!!!

Eh, even when the early mo-mo abi night-night tinz happen and una fall asleep - which position do you adopt?

Abeg answer jor.

Anyway, I like position D. It's comfy but not to intrusive. I still get my space if you know what I mean...

nasha1:
smh
as if there aren't serial killers,rapists,gangs abroad.
those homeless people sleeping under bridges and in the train are ghosts?
those police in the USA killing black people are nigerians.
evil is everywhere irrespective of a country,race or gender.

But the big difference is that in the West, basic amenities are the right of everyone and even taken for granted, whereas in Nigeria, these same basic amenities are viewed as privilages to be enjoyed by the rich only.

E.g:

~ Constant, uninterrupted power supply
~ Free health medical health care for all
~ Free education (Nursery, Primary, Secondary, Colleges)
~ Good roads, and supporting infrastructure that work
~ Emergency services

and much more.

Oh, and a Judicial system that works. (i.e: no cause for taking the laws into your own hands a.k.a jungle justice). At least you're 99.9% guaranteed to wake up alive when you go to bed at night, whereas in Naija, it more like a 50-50% chance you won't get visited by hardened armed robbers and r@pists.


And these are the reasons why @OP is being cautioned to consider everything before making a decision.

fathertobe:
Once a girl bought an iPad, when her father saw it, He asked "What was the 1st thing you did when you bought it?
"I put an anti-scratch sticker on the screen and bought a cover for the iPad" she replied.
"Did someone force you to do so?"
"No"
"Don't you think it's an insult to the manufacturer?"
"No dad! In fact they even recommend using a cover for the iPad"
"Did you cover it because it was cheap & ugly?"
"Actually, I covered it because I didn't want it to get damage and decrease in value."
"When you put the cover on, didn't it reduce the iPad's beauty?"
"I think it looks better and it is worth it for the protection it gives my iPad."
The father looked lovingly at his daughter and said, "Yet if I had asked you to cover your body which is
much more precious than the iPad, would you have readily agreed"
She was mute.....

Indecent ldressing and exposure of your body reduces your value and respect. May God guide us all.6 mins

Another sexist, subjective post aimed at berating women.

Tell us, @OP: what in your opinion do you consider to be "indecent dressing"? I've got my reasons for asking.

raumdeuter:
My view is that she should date as soon as possible and use her previous experience as a lesson

And I think otherwise. Rushing in from one relationship to another is the perfect recipe for disaster. We've even got "tales" of such stories here on nl.

raumdeuter:
Not getting into a relationship quickly might make people start looking back at the previous relationship and wondering if they didnt "Persevere aka suffer enough before leaving"

What people "think" is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. It's her life and her decision and she needs time to fully recover from one bad relationship before embarking on another. And part of that healing process involves a deep re-assessment of one's part in the breakdown of the previous relationship.

Many people (post breakdown of their marriage / union / partnership, etc) at this stage are emotionally clingy / needy and latch on to a new partner, irrespective of how mis-matched they might be, simply because they don't want to be alone. It's also their way avoiding having to face painful truths and admitting where things went wrong. (mind you, I'm not pointing fingers, but it takes two to make or break a relationship).

raumdeuter:
I know many girls in abusive relationships that stay because the guy convinced them no one would date you or marry you after me. You are the best i got

This is different. She's left the relationship, which is the first step towards healing. Now she needs to take things easy and truly ask herself why she's getting into this relationship so soon, and more importantly what she needs to ask herself what she really wants out of this new relationship.

raumdeuter:
Moving on quickly and even dating another person is a great psychological relief and can break the emotional strangle hold the previous lover had on her.

I disagree.

There should be a healing phase and enough time should be set aside for that. Granted it differs with each person but the recovery stage must be observed, otherwise she'll be flitting jumping from one relationship to another.

You're running too fast. Slow down pls.

Kingsron:
@The archangel, it all started when her mum greeted my mum, and she did not answer her, though my mother in law is older than my mum.

Now even you will admit that it's disrespectful.

Elders in Naija take issues like this seriously. Your mum should know that, irrespective of whatever differences they might have. Why didn't your mum acknowledge her in-law's greeting?

Kingsron:
But this had long be dealt with,I even queried my mum that it was not right.

When you say it had been long dealt with, how do you mean?

Was this "resolution" between you and your mum only? Or was it between you, your wife, and both mothers? The reason I ask is because it's simply not good enough for you to scold your mum, without her tendering an apology to you wife's mum, and then both of you expecting things to carry on as usual.

You're a married man. Yes, we should at all times accord respect to our parents, but that doesn't mean they are above reproach. They, like any other human being are not infallible and prone to make mistakes. The mature thing is acknowledging one's mistake and doing the right thing, inclusive of tendering an apology where necessary.

Kingsron:
I have even reported to her mum,

Whoa! Take it easy and listen to yourself na.

If this issue between your mum hasn't been appropriately settled, don't you think you'll only succeed in infuriating your already upset mother-in-law, further with this threat / complaint about her daughter?

Kingsron:
that if she does not change, I will start to behave the way my wife is behaving. If she can't marry my family,I can't marry hers rather.

Sorry, but this is childish, and I think you know it.

You shouldn't be taking sides here and should be mature enough to show some restraint. Anyway, I think this all goes back to the point I made earlier on, about there being unresolved issues between both women. You need to go back to the drawing board mate.

LMAO!!

Talk about bush parenting bordering on verbal abuse.

Where is Kanwulijara / KanwuliaExtra?

Lady, your contribution is needed here.

raumdeuter:
My point is she can date anyone. She doesn't have to marry them

Did I mention anything about her getting married?

I'd also like to know your views on people (women especially) getting into relationships on the rebound.

raumdeuter:
Efe, Sorry but a woman in her sexual peak. How do you suggest she keeps the engine warm when her husband has been away for 2 yrs most likely never to come back

Like I said Its almost guaranteed that the guy is not celibate either and he's actively dating

You wan make cobwebs cover the factory ni?

her mates that are single are getting nacked on demand, Her mates that are married are getting nacked daily. Na Valentine just pass everyone got some but shey na pillow she go dey hug and for how long?

And your point is?

chynergy1:
B is cool for side chicks, D is ok for madam

Lmao!

@ Op, D is the preference.

Dyt:
K

And yes, you were reading it from another angle...like you've been doing since Lyssa / Studio / Kunbee's time..

Dyt:
Madam
She said they have been separated for 2years
She needs to move on
And all she's doing is dating not like she's getting married again

So cos she was abused she shouldn't live her life or give another a chance?

*battling eyelashes, dyt must be reading from another angle again* I still miss those jokes sha

Is there somewhere in my post where I implied that she shouldn't "live her life" or be "given another chance"?

Divorces are emotional rollercosters to contend with because irrespective of the circumstances that prompted it, the players will at some point in their lives feel their marriage failed, and will need to come to terms with it.

Additonally, this lady in question had to contend with domestic abuse. That alone is another emotional scar. We don't even know the extent / level of domestic abuse she had to contend with, but being a Nigerian woman married to a Nigerian man, living in Naija - I think it's quite easy to get the picture. Has she fully recovered from that too?

They've been separated for 2 years and yet she's already met someone and has been dating him for some time. It begs the question, how long has she been dating this person for? No. It sounds like rather than face her issues squarely in the face, she's trying to block all memories of her past by sweeping them all under the carpet and hopping onto another relationship on the rebound.

She should be focusing on a total recovery, rebuilding her life (and career, assuming she's got one), and looking after her child for now.

farous:
The way my wife used to beat and shout to our four year and eight months old child is causing a ripple among us.Though the child is that age,but whoever see him may think he is seven years old and he proves so stubborn if told to do this or that,he can play and play and play,etc,yet constant beating even with hand and shouting on him did not help matters.I have told her severally to stop beating and shouting on him at any slight things he do since it did not change him as she can out of annouyance wound him or cause harm to him and before you know it,we start calling devil,that its devils work and devil pushed you.Besides,in the estate where we stay,its normally only in our house that you keep on hearing everytime the crying of a beating child,i told her that this used to bring our respect down before other neighbours as all of us are learned people and why only many times its always in our own house you will be hearing such as if we are illiterates or uncivilized people,atimes he can be beaten and cry up to four,five times in a day,while you cannot hear such cry from the children of other neighbours arround us and that even the way you beat and shout on him puts fear on him and shouting can affects childs brain and the child can be acting abnormal,i took time to make a research on google and printed materials on the effects of shouting on a child and give it to her to read,she just throw away the materials.She will be saying that her own parent train her well ,that i am supporting the child.I told her that if this is her your parents trained you,that means it not a normal training and whether she has seen any positive change in all her constant beating and shouting to the child.
Now most times he will do something and when asked,he will tell lie that he dont know or that it is not him,all because of fear.Many atimes,i pity my son because of regular beating and crying on him from my wife even with hand.
I have told her severally that since beating and shouting did not change him,that she should simply leave him and anytime she want to punish him,he can politely call him and tell him that what he did is not good and never do it another time or to give him a punishment of kneeling down and hands up or other similiar punishment and if at worst that it involves beating, to slightly use cain and not heavily hitting and beating him with hand or cain as if you are beating an animal and that her attitude is causing more harm on him because you dont need to train a child so that he will be afraid or fear you or act normal when you are arround because of fear,that means when you are not arround he will continue with such attitude or even do the worst and keep telling lies,that you train a child in a way that whether you are arround or not he acts well,that is what ever he can do when you are arround is what he can do when you are not arround likewise being a truthful child and not a liar because of fear.All these advice,did not deter her as she keep on beating and shouting on him as usual and i dont think i will allow such any more or train my child as such.But i need advice especially from the married, is beating and shouting to a child the best way to train a child?

Your narration is really worrisome.

At this point, I'll implore you to take control of the situation. You sound like a reasonable man and I think it's high time you put your foot down and let that wife of yours know that you WILL NOT tolerate any form of violence in your household. Violence is never the way forward. Rather, violence begets more violence.

There are so many ways out there to reach your child. You don't have to raise your hands against them to get your message across. She whips, flogs, smacks, shouts, yells, at your 4 year old and he cries at least 4 or 5 times a day. Haba! Does that sound normal to you? What are you waiting for? For her to one day hit him at the wrong spot and cause irreversible damage?

Please as you read this, sit up and take matters into your hand for the sake of your defenseless son. We as adults are meant to protect them, not put them in harm's way, and that's exactly what your wife is doing - the latter.

Yes, I know your son's at that age where kids explore and drive you nuts - but that's just a phase they go through. It's all part of growing up and exploring their environment. They push you and your boundaries to the limit while testing your resolve. It's normal. It's important you and your wife understand this and try and come down to your son's level. As someone rightly mentioned, most of the things kids do are just to get the attention of the adults around them. This is where you need to school that wife of yours on how to communicate with her son. For example, squatting so you're at the same height as the child, to speak with them in a calm, soothing tone would work wonders, compared to towering over them with a cane, shouting, swearing, and foaming at them.

Abeg do the needful. Your wife has got anger management issues and the fact that she discarded your research, claiming that her parents brought her up well, and she therefore doesn't need to read up what you showed her speaks volumes in itself.

Acidosis:
You can't fault her claims honestly reason being that some Nigerians living in Nigeria are greater "racists." You need to be closer to many Nigerians in the cities to understand how much they detest their home towns, grand parents and people back in the village.

No one hates GOOD INFRASTRUCTURE, but in the absence of none, Nigerians are known to adapt and adjust easily.

Security is a big challenge here, but I don't think I could get back the fun in my school days when myself and my room mates sleep shirtless on the rug with doors wide open. Even in the midst of theft, we were stubborn and believed no one can harm us, after all we are men and God is with us.

It all sound stu.pid but we didn't see it as suffering, instead it was fun to us. We all graduated and departed. However, just few weeks ago, I lost a colleague to a boat mishap in Lagos. Death didn't take him away back then when we sleep with open doors in the midst of gun shots in a typical village in Delta. He died after settling down with a good job in Lagos.

Adaptability is key. Whoever can adapt can live in Nigeria. In fact, it doesn't have to be Banana Island or Asokoro.

Security is a real concern and irrespective of how "patrotic" one feels about Naija, it's an uncomfortable truth that must be acknowledged.

Times have changed. For the worse. The scenario you described, I remember that all too well. People leaving their front, back, side doors open (and windows inclusive) for fresh air to circulate around the home. Movement at night wasn't as risky as it is now. When we went back home for my traditional and church wedding, on both occasions, guests and musicians spent the whole night partying away till the wee hours of the morning.

But what do we have now? Last time I went back for a relative's wedding, by 4:00 p.m, guests were leaving. By 5:00 p.m, you couldn't tell that a wedding had taken place a few hours earlier. Reason? Everyone's security conscious.

oloyede252:
dont you think this your question is stupid.

No, I don't. What make it silly?

ariyike23:
Hello NLs,i am new to Nl,please i will like to know your opinion on this.its about my friend,she is 25 now,she is married with a kid,but seperated from her husband for 2 years now due to domestic violence.They have no reason to come back together because they have both moved on,they are working on getting divorce,Recently,she met a guy,they started out as friends,but are now dating.please is it right for her to do this? Guys,can u date a woman who is seperated from her husband and waiting to get divorced?

Divorces are stressful and messy at best - especially where kids are concerned.

We get it that she's trying to move on from a bad marriage but what you as her friend should be concerned about, is that she isn't jumping into this new relationship on the rebound.

Her divorce hasn't even come through yet. Advice this friend of yours to take it easy. Let her use this "free" time to do a thorough assessment of herself and to heal. I don't even think her healing process has commenced, but rather is trying to use this new relationship to avoid facing her current situation.

Your 25 year old friend needs a serious reality check.

Ngokafor:
...@Gaborone,Efemena,Coco and co has given perfected responses to this fake thread ..

....See 'runs' men looking for 'purity' to marry..story!!!.Karma never disappoints.

...@OP she must remain in your circle whether you like it or not.

I don tire for the matter. Na to unfollow remain. Too many kids trying it on, on here with fake stories.

Good Morning sha.

cococandy:
Money in every case.

But police report (and money of course) if it's a gunshot wound.

Lord have mercy.

Cococandy & Bebe2, question for you on the point made earlier on about people having no empathy, even for victims of road accidents. If children are involved, do people in Naija still stand aside, snapping pic and videoing them as they bleed to death??

cococandy:

7! What were they looking for?
Did they mistake the house for a bank?

No.

But apparently, in Naija people are always on the look out. This wasn't the first time their house had been robbed. It happened when the family travelled to the States on holiday.

So as far as people are concerned, if a man is able to travel abroad with his family, then they must be rolling in it. I now totally, totally, understand why some people get edgy when their relatives from abroad come visiting. You're warned not to let anyone know your arrival / departure dates, and even while with them, you're asked to lie low for the duration of your visit.

What sort of life is that? So what happens if you want to go back home and invest in land / property / business? You'll get killed before laying the foundation of your dreams...

bebe2:
just leg, Wat a lucky man,

Have u heard of the young girl dat was shot by armed robbers in portharcout? She was rushed to the hospital but doctors but doctors refused to treat her because there was no police report.

She bled to death right in the presence of her family.
Dats how bad things are.

Police report or money?

I thought the in-thing these days is, no-money-no-treatment, even if the patient is at the point of death?

cococandy:
@topic, the thing that scares me most about living in Nigeria is the lack of emergency services.
Like someone might get hit by a car and is bleeding out on the road but people are just passing by, taking pictures and videos but won't help.
No assurance that emergency medical help will arrive or that if someone was brave it to take them to the hospital that they will get the attention they need immediately.

There are so many things I know that don't work in our dear country but this particular one is the one that gives me nightmares.
Especially when I imagine my loved one going through such a pain all because we are managing our broken system like that.

Lack of emergency services, I can tolerate - to an extent.

But the almost non-existent security services? No. It's either you're facing chronic armed robbers down south, or suicide bombers up north. Was told some really scary stuff a few weeks ago...

Some relatives received a distressed call from an aunt in the middle of the night that a couple of armed robbers were trying to break into their home from the outside. So this aunt, along with her husband and kids started calling everyone they knew of - neighbours, friends, relatives, etc to reach any army officers / police / DPOs to come to their aid. (They too were trying to call the police but weren't getting any response).

Eventually the thieves broke into their home, but couldn't gain access to the bedroom where the family had locked themselves in. So what did they do? They climbed up onto the ceiling, made their way the room, removed the ceiling boards and one of them made to jump down into the room. Unluckily for the thief, her husband was prepared and made to cut off the armed robber's legs with a machete. Took a couple of swipes at him, but as luck will have it, just then the police (or army?) arrived at the scene and started firing shots in the air. The armed robbers took off, with one of them leaving behind their slippers.

Guess how many robbers there were in total?

Seven. Four on the outside, and three in the roof.

Harrowing experience. They were lucky. An inlaw's aunt wasn't that lucky. He (and others) received her distress call but within an hour, her husband was shot dead.

JonTal:
Don't forget this guy is innocent. Have a very good night.

This is getting tiresome.

Tell me something, how do you measure one's level of "innocence" w.r.t the no. of partners they've bedded? I mean at what point does a guy no longer claim "innocence"? After sleeping with 1? 5? 10? 100 partners?

Ashewo or no ashewo, there's no law that states they can't get married, nor are there any restrictions on whom they choose to marry.

Learn to live and let live.

babygirlfl:
I can't wait too dear. Eagerly waiting for the arrival of our queen. I keep coming to have a peep on Nairaland just so I don't miss the birth of our queen.

Greetings to the ladies. Byvan03, chillisauce, Efemenexy , bukatyne, ifyalways etc.

Greetings to you too dear.

How are you & yours?

bebe2:
My niece in law, she died oo

She was 19yrs old.

Dats not the worse part, she died in severe pain. A week before she died her dad returned her to her mum saying he is tired dat she is not getting better.

The girl call me one day crying that her mum is beating her. I was so angry, I called the mum and out of frustration spoke rudely to her, she said the girl doesn't drink her medicine until they threaten to beat her.

I apologised and begged her not to beat her but to take her to the hospital the next morning. They said they are taking her to church and the pastor said the battle has been won.

After another round of shouting and apologising they took her and said the doctors has finally given her a diagnosis, dat it's not cancer like I said but Arthritis.

That they need money to buy drugs, I sent them money promising to send more. Within 3days the girl died , the mum ran home crying . The rest of the family followed her back to the hospital only to get there to meet that the girls dad has taken the body to his village for burial.

And dat was the end of osaherumwen.

Oh no!

Bebe2, I'm so sorry to read this. Such needless suffering...and ignorance displayed by her family. You really did try for that poor girl though. I remember you said were practically on the phone everyday to them, and them (in Naija) asking you (over here), unbelievable questions like which hospital in Naija to take her to. Smh...

May her soul rest in peace. At least she in no more pain.

(sigh).

bebe2:
Am glad it's worked out for u.

But I still stand by my point , u mentioned about infrastructure being revived, this is laughable. U first need to revive the mind of the people,

The fact that most humans in dat country have no conscience or empathy is beyond me. How are u going to revive dat?

People are incompetent, negligent in their duties and lack basic human feeling. How are u going to fix dat?

The number of people dat I know dat have died from routine surgery, even before they get opened up, common anaesthetic, they can not give . Wicked doctors, nurses, teachers. Abi u no see the teacher wey nearly use cane finish one 3yr old pikin?

Abi na university wey who sort go get admission who pass go dey house dey wait?

Abi na market woman wey u go price fish for agree on a price d moment u look away she go swap the fish wrap a different one.

Pls tell me where u are going to start.

Bebe2. Did your cousin make it?

Suddenly just remembered her story...

baby124:
Hahahahha. Op doesn't know that we have been through hell with more creative fakers on this section.

That is eh...

When I read this:

Deafndumb:
I just sealed my fate this evening

My reaction was: "Mtcheeeeeeeeeeewwwww"

Because a real man won't go all jelly on us. Na from this point I dey suspect the @op na minor himself...

baby124:
Lol, ok. This must be a superstory. How did your parents go from not knowing anything, to going behind your back to sign peace treaty. Please don't spoil this section for genuine people.

Arrrggghhhh!!!!


You this woman! You got there before me.

Deafndumb:
I meant my family went there to appease her family without the knowledge I have. So my family agreed to most terms and conditions.
The conditions are so so strict and scary like I will be held responsible for her health and life. Something I have no form of control over.

Are these the words of a "man" in his mid-twenties? Or a JSS1 student trying it on here?

Deafndumb:
Finance is an issue. I don't know if any lawyer her can help me out.
The bill has started to pile up. This week they want me to get her registered for antenatal. Her clothes don't fit anymore I think they want to shift that responsibility to me.
Unfortunately I just expended most of my savings last year on a failed business and festivity

Of course.

She's probably about to drop the baby any minute from now. Ramp up the story a notch or two.

@OP. You've had your fun. Now kindly move on with your tales.