₦airaland Forum

Deafndumb:
Thanks.
The family wants me to start taking responsibility immediately.

My family is in not aware of the possibility of me not being the father of the baby.

And why didn't you tell them the full story? Why give them half truths?

Gabaleve:
I have this childhood friend that has been of great disturbance to me lately. We grew up together as neighbours and this guy was a young,vibrant and versatile prospect for the future, He greatly detested idlenes. His astounding love for hustling led him to paying his 1st year school fees single-handedly without having to wait for his parents.
This guy was easy going and was the type that couldnt ask a girl out,talk more of touching a girl he is alone with, but he changed for the worse when he started dating a young girl of about 17, renowned for her legendary bed to bed tactics in our street. Before my friend and the girl started their relationship, she already had a child that doesn't have a father, because the four guys involved with her on the month she got pregnant vehemently denied. In our street,i could count about 17 guys that have slept with this girl, my friend's immediate younger brother has also slept with the same girl and the worst is that she spends for all this guys with the funds she gets from my friend, he practically submits every money he has to the girl,down to his house rent,he is curently homeless and have been squatting with some of our friends, while his mom has been having serious health issues due to the fact that she has been taking loans to send him to school,but now,everything he gets from the mom,he gives to the girl. In his extra bid to satisfy the girl financially, he started stealing, and has been caught 4 times. Recently his younger brothers mobilized themselves to the girl's house where he was staying and thorougly beat him up,but all this didnt make him change, some of us,(his friends) adviced him as well,instead he went to the girl and tabled everything we told him. First i thought it was foolish love, but am now begining to think it is spiritual since he has sold every valuable property he has and submitted the proceeds to the girl. His mom and every wellwisher have begged him to leave the girl, but he has refused. Since he resumed school, i have been feeding him because he came with nothing as his mom has vowed not to give him a dime till he leaves the girl, another annoying part is that he even calls her with my airtime. I have also been getting series of reports concerning how he goes about begging, just to get funds for airtime to call the girl. THE PROBLEM AM HAVING NOW IS HOW TO CUT HIM OFF. mature minds please

***Yawns***

Tales By Moonlight...

RoyalRoy:
[color=#000033] I still wonder how career, marriage and parenthood can make people forget their parents !!


It beats my imagination..... Is it really possible?[/color]

Very, very possible.

It's a gradual process that easily becomes all consuming, you hardly notice it's happening. It's not deliberate though and most times you just have to consciously remind yourself to keep in touch, even via phone calls.

Hope she disinfected her hands afterwards?

kelzi11:
Your daughter in secondary school, came visiting, and while she was about to go back to hostel, you boarded her a bus. After some hours you were called and told that the bus you boarded her had an accident that nobody survived. While trying to verify, by calling her number, she told you that she didnt enter the bus that she went to stay with her boyfriend.


please how can you judge this??

What's there to judge?

Should you be down on your knees, giving thanks to the God you serve that her life was spared? Rather than have issues with her having a boyfriend?

JonTal:
Now if you got the @op very well, @Gaborone and @EfemenaXY, you will notice that the op and other friends sampled her, but not this particular friend who wants to marry her now. This is the reason the op has drawn his attention to the fact that the girl is a pro. So the guy should not be the one to clear the mess from the floor even though he is insisting on going ahead with his plans.

Well, they're friends aren't they?

So sharing bodily fluids shouldn't post that much of a problem. Like someone mentioned earlier, let them keep it within the "family".

ponkitibobo:
You cant do it by your effort. First separate from that your lover. Encourage her to b born again too.
Secondly,Pray for the spirit of God(holy spirit) to help you. Gradually you will begin to see improvement.

Is she gay?

I'm sure she referred to her lover as a "he" and not a "she".

Mindfulness:
@bold

You didn't need to mention it. I didn't expect a smart lady like yourself to contaminate the gene pool.

Since you have mentioned 5, I want to add two more too.

4. He is very open-minded and doesn't pass judgements quickly based on some bogus belief system.

5. He is very self-confident and thus does not control or restrict me.


Why is my thread dying? Does nobody else appreciate their spouse? I am not surprised.

'cos you aren't nurturing it.

lofty900:
not harsh at all, he should get confirmation from the doctor rather than jump to conclusions. Symptoms are just symptoms. It could be anything

Yes, but even so.

A little empathy won't go amiss.

JonTal:
Efe, this particular friend of his' did not sampled her previously and would you allow your brother to marry a pro if you knew?

But that's just it. She didn't become a "pro" on her own.

You and your friends had a hand in it. So it's only fair that she marries from within that circle. I'm sure you've heard the saying that when hand washing, the left hands washes the right and the vice versa. Same analogy applies here.

rudebouy:
Jealous ke? Bitter ke? Am just not cool with it jare. Dis guy is like a broda to me joor.

Sebi if ya broda wants to marry a runs girl, u will encourage him to go ahead abi?

If she's your sister, will you deny her the privilege to get married?

Let those that sampled her marry her. Why should someone else be given your leftovers?

lofty900:
You are showing signs of lymphoma or you have confirmed that you have cancer. Abeg leave trash for lawma jor

That's harsh, c'mon.

wadetaw202:
You lack reading skill sha. When they someone is a partner, does it mean she is the only one responsible? Learn to use your head please when you are reading.

Really?

Then what's this?

wadetaw202:
You committed fornication with a pastor in the church? And he is also a married man? And you want advice? And you have feelings for a married pastor? My advice for you is to confess your sins and go for deliverance.
You are a partner towards destroying his ministry and destroying his home.

Tell us wadetaw202, where does your pastor fit into all this and take responsibility, seeing as you point all 10 fingers in her direction. Or are you the pastor in question? Abi she held a gun to his heard and r@ped him senseless??

Gaborone:
You guys have finished passing her round, now you plan to leave her for who? One of my brothers?

Biko, allow your friend marry her, that way, she remains in your circle.

Chai!!

Solid.

Dependable.

Smart.

Handsome.

Very good genes passed onto his kids.

You asked for 3. I've given you 5. I guess that means I score 5/3

rudebouy:
A friend of mine rily needs help. Am rily worried for him.

He's bent on marrying a particular runs girl pretty soon. He has planned her introduction for next week and he wants us to accompany him.

The lady in question is a mutual friend, and some of us in our cycle hav had a taste of her one way or the other, me inclusive.

Dis my friend claims to have been crushing on her since 2005 and dat day have been platonic friends since den. He says he has neva been in love with a woman like dis before.

We told him abt her escapades and he sed he's aware of her past but dat she has changed. We told him she has a son already, he sed he's aware but doesnt care. He even intends to father the boy sef.

The most annoying part is just last weekend, I saw her in a car with anoda dude in a very funny position. She acted like she didnt see me. Na wa oh! Na dis kind girl my Pitoski want to marry? It just drives me nuts.

Pitoski is a nice guy, very intelligent and resourceful. She is not a tenth as intelligent as him. I rily dont know wot he sees in her. Abi na her Mouth Gig and bobby day confuse my guy? I think he deserves beta.

Pls house is der a way we can make him change his mind?

Really?

You sound bitter and jealous. Your friend's made his decision. You've voiced your concerns now leave it at that.

If it helps, find your own runz girl and leave your friend to it. It's not your place to judge his choice.

Deafndumb:
Thanks for the advice. I sincerely don't know what to do after reading different opinions.

Should I tell my parents about the discoveries I made?

I'm pretty sure they won't go there with me and that's going to heat things up.

You can't handle this on your own.

You may have put a very young girl in the family way and your parents would find out sooner or later. It's best they hear this from you now especially as there is a very real possibility that you could be thrown in prison for this.

This is a serious matter and your parents should be in the know now, so they can help you out. And yes, be forthright and tell them everything you know. Let them know your part in all of this too. Expect them to be disappointed in you but you're their son. In time they'll forgive you and get over it too.

For now, you need all the support you can get from your family.

baby124:
Is the OP not in Nigeria? Which Nigerian court can enforce anything? Will the child not be in the mother's custody? Why should he take responsibility when he is unsure. So the other little guys she has been having second with, did they kill or force them when they denied? It's better he draws the line now, rather than pretend, take care of her and then dash their hopes by coming up with one DNA test. People can forge anything in Nigeria if they have the money, that is a fact.

So you're suggesting he goes in there guns blazing with a confrontational approach. Where will that get him? Apart from incensing her family even further?

The bolded bit of your sentence marks the distinction between a mature man and a little boy. @OP is adult (and mature) enough to realize that he can't absolve himself completely from what's happened. The fact is he DID sleep with her and he is owning up to the fact that he MIGHT have sired a child with her.

If anything, I shows he's a decent man willing to own up to his own mistakes. It would be grossly irresponsible of him to deny having anything to do with her, knowing fully well she might be carrying his child.

baby124:
Is this not the same NL we saw a boy who looked for his father. Father did DNA test to prove the son is not his. The mother's family till today are calling him names that he used influence to forge fake tests. This is a man that was not in his son's life, not to talk of the one that has paid for all antenatal and baby care products. It's better he speaks the truth now and sets himself free. If the child turns out to be his, he can refund the parents all their expenses. He has very good grounds to have his reservations about the pregnancy.

What truth are you referring to? No one can tell right now whether the unborn child is his or not. Not yet anyway.

And your suggestion that he washes himself completely of her and then comes back later to claim the child if it's his - what parent would take that lightly? Put yourself in the shoes of the girl's parents. You're asking @op to rubbish the girl properly and then later come back in to refund the parents of their expenses? Seriously?

It's not always about money, you know. And in this situation he needs to tread very carefully. Otherwise, whether he's the father or not could still land him in jail.

Anyway, that's my opinion on this matter. At the end of the day, it's up to him to decide which route to take.

baby124:
Him taking care of mother and child financially, will now imply accepting responsibility. You think when the family goes through the relief of him accepting responsibility they will want to face shame of him later denying after the child is born? When they could have done an abortion or saved themselves from shame? They will deal with him. It's better he is upfront and be a man for once. It saves a lot of pain and heart ache. In fact it prevents him a lot of heart ache from expending resources and bonding with a child that is potentially not his.

But what if the child is his though?

Anyway, if her family really want her to get an abortion, they'll do it - with or without his consent.

The outcome of the DNA test is in no way related to him denying the pregnancy. The DNA simply states whether he is the father or not. If he is, then he is, otherwise if he isn't, then he isn't and there's nothing her family can do about that.

If they want to get dirty, they could drag this to court where:

1.) He'll get done for sleeping with a minor and I think right now, he wants to avoid that and the associated media circus that goes along with it.

2.) The courts would insist on a DNA test performed on the child to determine it's paternity. So whether her family like it or not, it will still be done, and if he isn't the father, they can't do anything about it.

baby124:
He cannot lie low because he will be resisted when he asks for DNA after accepting responsibility. They will reject the test and still put him in jail. In fact it will be hotter then because they have been led on. If he slept with a minor and they want to pursue the case fine. He has to pay for his actions. But under no circumstance should he take responsibility for what he is not sure of. Because the family will go to any length if he later says he is not the father. In fact they will claim he forged the tests and refuse to take the girl to go for the test. He should right now make it known that he knows their game and will not take responsibility until it is proven the child is his. The parents know their daughter and in shame will do nothing!

But that's just it. He hasn't accepted responsibility yet.

He's admitted to sleeping with her, but that doesn't mean he's the father. He has a better chance of salvaging something out of this situation for himself if he agrees to look after mother and child financially until the baby is born, which I think appears to be the crux of the matter for now - money.

If he does that and shows that he is genuinely interested in the well being of mother and unborn baby, he stands a good chance of placating them and getting their good side thereby lessening the chance of them taking the legal route with him. In this life, people treat you based on how you present yourself to them.

I don't get the bit about them refusing to let her take a DNA test or claiming that he forged the results. Why would they deny the DNA test being carried out, especially if he's the one footing the bill? And why can't her family members (and other witnesses) be present when the test is performed and results read out the them?

When it comes to determining the paternity of a child, it's a clear cut case without any grey areas. It's either black or white - i.e: he is the father or he isn't. It's non-negotiable.

wadetaw202:
You committed fornication with a pastor in the church? And he is also a married man? And you want advice? And you have feelings for a married pastor? My advice for you is to confess your sins and go for deliverance.

You are a partner towards destroying his ministry and destroying his home.

Really?

And he has no take in this because he was an "innocent" lamb led to the slaughter by this Jezebel daughter of the devil?

Ministry and home indeed.

baby124:
In this life, you must always be straight with people and make your stand known. Tell them that you know about her other partners, and tel the parents everything you saw on her phone. Tell them that you know that this pregnancy has been denied before.
Tell them that you are going to wait till a DNA test is done before accepting responsibility and taking care of the child. However, you are not ready to marry yet. And from what you have seen, would definitely not be marrying her. At her age? Doing such things Make sure you get yourself tested for STD's as well as her too. To make sure the child is clean if it is yours.

Making a stand now won't do him any favors but may quickly land him in jail right now.

Her people are mad at him (and her too) and are looking for a scapegoat to take it out on, and unfortunately for him, he is well within their radar. It's better he lies low for now pre-birth of the baby.

Mindfulness:
The reason why your husband does not respect you is that you don't respect yourself.

He slapped you.

He teared your clothes apart leaving you unclad before his brother.

He disrespected your mother.

He refused to help you do the shopping for the child that is is also his.

He refused to help carry the heavy stuff while you were pregnant.


And you are still there? For what reason exactly? Because "God hates divorce" or because you are afraid of what people will say?


Things won't get better for you if you don't learn to respect yourself.

Ridiculous, I tell you.

I get it about women not wanting to break up a bad marriage but it gets to a point where one just needs to sit down and ask themselves when enough is enough.

Mindfulness:
EfemenaXY,

Happy Sunday dear!

Your advice is priceless.

Thanks, and Happy Sunday to you to dear!

Distressing story.

Question is, while having all those kids together, didn't the man think to wed her? Especially knowing where she came from? A small traditional do should have been sufficient.

I don't buy his story that he didn't know about that aspect of her custom. She, or any member of her family must have mentioned this to him at some point while they were together all those years. What he should have said was, he didn't expect his "wife" to die pre-maturely.

Deafndumb:
Thanks a lot for your contribution
I am not trying to paint her a LovePeddler. I would have never agreed to anything had I any prior knowledge to what happened with the other partners.

I had been in a sober mood for a couple weeks now. I would never deny my involvement but it's a very huge leap to take in faith.

I can't bear the tots of me fathering a child that may not be mine. That's y I'm hear to seek advice and opinions.

I can't inform my people because they may not consent to it and I don't want to become popular in the media for this.

But you don't know that for certain. There's a chance that you might be. What if you are?

And this is why you're being advised to play along until the DNA results are out. Besides, being the father or not is just one of the many issues you're facing at the moment. You've still got to persuade the family not to take legal action against you. You are aware of the risks to you if they go down that route, aren't you?

What's caring for a mother and unborn baby for a couple of months till the birth, compared to being thrown in jail?

You need to keep calm and address this issue objectively. Stop panicking bro.

ifyalways:
Chilisauce where I for dey see $$$, for my ice fridge fish business?
You'd be in takoradi? Wow, that's my place oo. Elmina and Cape coast are other lovely towns you can check out.

Morning Efe and Byvan.

Coco, when are u sending my $$$ down payment for our e-omugwo? As my house gal runs no click, omugwo must enter o.

Ify!!

Good Morning & Happy Sunday to you and yours.

Deafndumb:
Please don't bash me or tag me a pedophile.

I'm a man in my mid 20's. To reduce the length of the story. Something led to something, I had sex with a minor last year. I felt sorry for my actions and moved on (note the girl was experienced).

Fast forward to this year, the last day in the month of January. The parents of the girl called my attention to the issue, I didn't deny my involvement, Because I was involved and secondly because of the fear of legal sanctions. So I had to plead with the family and agree to take full responsibility. (note abortion was not an option because of the gestation period of the fetus)

The family of the girl wants my family involved as a form of guarantee of which I agreed.

My family is about to meet with hers when I had some shocking discoveries.

The first is that the girl's family had met someone before me(this person was a minor too.) but he denied his involvement. (note when the mother narrated the issue about this person she said that she only went the to clearify because she suspected the person and swore to me that the boy never had sex with her).

Secondly, I went Tru her whatsapp chat and I discovered she had been meeting with another boy in an hotel. After I read the messages without her knowledge, she deleted them. When I asked her about the issue she denied it out rightly.

Still based on the whatsapp message, a third boy who was the bf to the girl had unprotected sex and broke up with her because he was worried she was pregnant. (please note she claimed this third boy is thesame as the first but I have my doubts).

Finally when I asked her who the father of the baby was, her countenance changed and admitted I was after about 20 mins (coupled with the fact that I encouraged her just to mention my name).

I have to be careful because her parents her kind of desperate and would resort to legal actions as all other potential father are minors and some unknown to her parents. (all messages read on her whatsapp sent and received referred to events which happened within the range of period of conception based on the scan result after considering the +/-2weeks stuff).

Please some urgent advice

When a guy wants to shirk responsibility for a pregnancy that might be his, he suddenly remembers the lady in question is a "whöre" who's had multiple partners in the past. Nothing new there.

It's also expected that you'll paint her character blacker than black in an attempt to exonerate yourself. Nothing new there either, but remember we've only got your side of the story, so we'll be inclined to take what you say here with a pinch of salt / at face value.

The reality is, you're in a tight spot and there isn't much else you can do but play along till the baby is born. Don't get roped into promising marriage. Neither of you are mature enough to handle that and the foundation can best be described as shaky.

Wait till the baby is born then get a DNA test performed to determine if you're the biological father or not, then take it from there. But remember, even if it turns out that you aren't the father, that doesn't absolve you of your misdeed - of sleeping with a minor. You still need to face the consequences of that action and hopefully, you'll learn from it.

Everyone makes mistakes but the important thing is learning from them. In the meantime do all you can to make mother and baby comfortable. Show her family (through your actions) that even though you are remorseful of your misdeeds, you aren't a bad person, but a man willing to take responsibility for his part in this. Start footing some of the bills, ensure she's registered for antenatal care, go with her and demonstrate not just financial but moral support.

Be good to her. So even if it turns out that the child isn't yours, her family will be less inclined to take legal action against you for bedding a minor.

Now is your chance to right your wrongs. It won't be easy but chin up and take heart.

All the best.

baby124:
Your story is very silly. I won't even waste time responding to this. You had so many opportunities to run, yet you keep enduring. Even resigning your job. You must be a comedian with this post. By the way, your husband might be bi-polar. Since you have decided to die there, it's probably in your best interest to generally avoid him. Goodluck to you sha.

Well said.

She knows what she's getting from that "marriage".

Mtcheeew.

edwife:
£2? abba!

My middle name must be scrooge lol!

edwife:
Thanks dear, i can remember like it was yesterday when you were encouraging me anytime i am writing exams.How time flies.
Bad news is that i have to keep studying with the profession i chose(***sniffs who sent me?***) web programming....

Both of you should stop being stingy,£5....

A whole £5??!! You mean it's gone up from £2? I nor do jor.

Your course is dynamic so you'll have to keep evolving with it to remain on par

Used to create web pages with pure HTML and a little Dreamweaver and Flash back in the days but you'll be using Active X, Java script et al won't you?

lofty900:
efe, it's nice to see you after all these while. Back to the topic, I love seeing criminals burn.

Such a waste of young lives.