₦airaland Forum

Gundel001:
thanks a lot can you recommend a professional about the matter for me

What state do you live in? Take him to a teaching hospital in the state he will be referred.

Dyslexia or autism comes with behavioural issues also resistance is formed from years of taunting, flogging and abuse from those who do not understand the condition. A therapist will help you as a family to understand how to work with him.

Sadly he needs to be taken to a teaching hospital for proper diagnosis. He is not dull he just has a challenge which looks like autism or dyslexia, with the right help he will learn to cope and thrive.

Read on these two then educate your family to stop abusing or flogging him, be needs help to cope not mockery and pain

crackland:
The story was simply to put down husbands. The details didn't matter to whoever put it out on social media.

MrBrownJay1:
i dont get it...
- unemployed hubby couldnt take over the running of the biz?
- mum couldnt find someone to run the biz for her?

this story makes absolutely NO SENSE WHATSOEVER...

Story was actually made up by poster to advertise her or his maid business.

Very poor advertising method poster, you wont get any clients from this one ,people will debate and move on. You dont need to make up extreme stories to sell market, make up something people can actually relate to, as much as people like to bash nigerian men online this doesn't happen

eyinjuege:
Comport yourself.
Whether you are the Tunde or his friends, stop it.
You are not doing your friend any favours.
A greater code of conduct is expected from you/your friend.
His identity is on here already, his gmcno is just a click away and he can be reported and investigated.
Stop it already.
Wars are not won on the keyboard.

This is him and no friend, classic tendencies, he doesn't care he just wants to be right and have the right say.

Let him keep it up, he will self destruct , his ability to always have the last say will be what will ruin him. His wife is no saint but he is text book

rago:
You seem clearly inteliigent..a bright doctor. However, I just want to know, how do you as a UK-based medical practitioner have plenty of time behind the keyboard, typing, and counter-typing. How do you do that?

His weakness is sadly what will destroy him if he doesn't learn to control it, the need to have the final say the last word, the need to make everyone believe he is right. That will lead him into putting himself in trouble sooner or later

UKmigrant:
We will keep opening new IDs until we expose all there is to expose if they keep looking for more trouble Mr Emotional Intelligence. No man or woman deserve to suffer abuse and we stand only for justice.

This is sadly your weakness and your downfall. Best wishes

UKmigrant:
We and a few concerned people are here gisting on this matter cos we know the OP. We will stop at nothing to expose his toxic wife and her accomplices as much as possible as long as they want it that way. Just contemplating posting something nasty about her now, but we'll wait for ayomidate0 to look for more trouble. We supporters will fight this war behind the keyboards and cheer OP on to fight in the court of law. Get over that or find a wet transformer to hug

You and your ex are sick only victims are the kids you brought into your mess.

You have serious issues, you cant help yourself, they challenged you so you had to register 20 ids and use your normal ID to fight them, no emotional intelligence whatsoever

NOTIME247:
No matter how much noise she and her toxic family and friends make, it is a certainty that this abusive woman would be shipped back to Naija ASAP. These toxic family have bitten more than they can chew. She has a lot of lessons to learn for her next marriage so she doesn't become a serial husband abuser.

Mr toxic doctor you have issues you keep registrating new IDs to fight every body. You need help

cococandy:
Actually that seemed like it was something someone forwarded to her. She can claim it was never her plan (I mean even if it was). The person who was suggesting that to her would be the one held responsible

Indeed. Toxic people both of them no saints here. However on this the man is clearly ahead

Gloriagee:
I'm not saying women should be absolved from taking responsibility.
I personally take responsibility for my mental health. Not everything is worth my time and I guard my space jealously. I'm just tryna see things from her perspective n not be so judgmental.

Unfortunately we keep chanting empathy that hardly does any real good when shit hits the fan.

Now she faces deportation and being blacklisted. Possibly losing her kids

Gloriagee:
Yeah, in an ideal environment, people are perfect. They don't make decisions based on emotions and societal expectations.

I may not fault her for leaving the control of her future to someone else cos living with a personality like this can make you doubt yourself. N if the violence emanating from her is
a one off case, I empathize with her.

A typical Nig woman can't leave a marriage easily - so many vested interests and opinions. I always believe a separation is even better than going this way cos nobody is worth going to jail for. I also believe in being a good example for my kids so there's that too.

Okay na. They should stay and be dragged like this since it is too much to ask women to take any sort of responsibility for their actions.



The whole thing is so messy the man has them where he wants. I cant stand women who love the position of victim while being toxic themselves.

With the message about wanting to get a british baby madam can kiss her stay bye.

Both husband and wife seem toxic but as with most cases husband was more logical in getting his way and using the law to his favor.

I feel sorry for the kids of this toxic union

Gloriagee:
Exactly why I hate being in toxic environments. Even if she acted crazy on an occasion, she may have been goaded to do so or maybe she just snapped. Wat a controlling personality...

No excuse for acting crazy
She is an adult and should be in charge of her emotions, she should have used the law or left him not join in the violence

UKmigrant:
No normal person composes such a long message. This is merely a proof of how your sister has been blackmailing the poor man.

Welcome with your original ID OP you just cant help yourself can you?
Typical abuser behaviour

My goodness; always good to wait for both sides; see how the OP is jumping everywhere threatening those helping the wife as if he holds the key to the UK.

I know it is you Mr " Friend " the abuse and manipulation is so clear what a shame.

It is sad that the wife didn't take action when she should women always sentimental now her inability to act is used against her.

I hope this ends well.
Clearly a sick man

Call NCDC before it is too late.

When she starts crying send her to a vacant room, she should cry there and only come out when she does .

Naughty corner is very effective when she is being hyper

I am sorry your uncle doesn't owe you forgiveness , if things went well with you, you probably would not remember this wickedness you did to them. Imagine what may have happened to their kids almost 2 years in foster care bacause of your lies.

It is good you have changed please face your own front and leave them to lick their wounds in peace . My empathy is for your uncle and his family. I sha wish you the best

Ghojes has given you good advise, go meet your cousin then go to the village, you deserve closure

Kaien:
I don't see how my old moniker is of concern to you, just post your opinion and leave.

Please ignore her, she will jump on people's post attempt to bully them and when they fight back she starts crying bullying and speaking fake tongues

She is from an abusive home and is on her way to building an abusive home with you.

Nobody will be able to talk to her not you, your workers, your kids you will spend your whole life walking around egg shells trying not to offend her, she will graduate to hitting you.

She needs professional help which you cannot give her. Sane thing is to let her go and get help but we know you will marry her and come and cry later hopefully we don't see you on the news when she has stabbed you in your sleep

Your sister didn't call police and get him locked up for assault, the nonsense will continue

whitering:
Congratulations!

How were you able to carry yourself without any baby bump? Then boommmm twins appear.

Your neighbors & colleagues will surely have alot questions for you.

What is their business? Does she owe them answers? People like you put people under pressure to lie and pretend. Questions for her because they contributed funds to help her fund surrogacy or what

Trayceey:
okay. But I don't understand that surrogate part. Did u give birth to the children yourself? Or was it with the help of a surrogate mother? Please clarify me

Her womb is small it doesn't expand as it is supposed to when she carries a baby in it.

So her eggs and her husband's sperm was fertilized in a hospital and injected into a surrogate mother who carried the baby to term and handed them over.

I hope you are clear now.

Takotsubo:
@ liberalchick& eketem,

I forgot to add that some of us females grew up in abusive homes,sometimes verbal and physical,with mothers who remained 'for the children'.

The effect is that a lot children grow up seeing this sort of setting as normal and then subsequently choose similar partners who continue to perpetuate same cycle.

Some females do not think they deserve to be loved or deserve to have their voices heard,some do not even know what a loving partner should be because of the above and term what you and I class as red flags as 'normal'. They don't know any different.

This female then marries this male,but then interacts with others,reads on the internet and realises that her situation isn't normal,she starts to put up a fight,but the person she is married to maybe also grew up in an abusive place and watched dad and mum fight and hurl insults at each other but still remain together.
Such a person would not see the rationale to change,and the union becomes even more troubled..

This lady may come to NL and complain and we start asking her about red flags before marriage..


A lot of us are damaged and while in that frame of mind can make mistakes that are life changing.

So while I believe we should choose wisely,I'm very open to the fact that a lot of us may not be brave enough to free ourselves from the yoke of our childhood and may go on to repeat the cycle and therefore live with a lot of suspicion and the inability to trust .


I'm digressing too much from the topic but I wish all of us the best.

Sorry for the long write up

Hopefully we grow learn and evolve but we won't do that if we fail to pick lessons and take responsibility for our own actions and inactions.

Thank you very much OP. Beautiful honest and informative testimony, I am glad you got a diagnosis, after the 3rd miscarriage this is exactly what came to mind, I am glad you found a hospital where that properly diagonised you.



I am happy you married an amazing man and didn't stay and die miserably with the first man who seems to have no sense.


I hope your testimony inspires others to be more honest and seek the right help.

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful babies. May they grow in grace and strength

Takotsubo:
We were both born ,raised and even did wedding in Nigeria.

Even while dating ,I was aware of his earnings.

I know relatives where the dad cleans, washes,cooks etc without issues and they're like 5&6 with their children and they're not broke.

We left naija and defined our relationship on our own terms.

When I wasn't working,I was still in charge of finances and know I'm not the submissive religious type.

I just think there's someone for everybody.

You choose your partner according to the values you share and then make your lives what you want it to be,refuse to bend to the norm if it doesn't suit you and try to live.

Inspite of all this there will still be issues,life isn't perfect..money is not a red line for me, but I respect those that balk at the idea of sharing everything.

The problem is our sisters here will not accept responsibilities for their actions and inactions; they won't put their cards on the table, they won't pick sane men to marry, they will ignore red flags marry the men and insist when things go south that every man is like the bad man they chose.

Don't even try to convince anyone, we can choose to evolve and grow as women or we can choose to remain the same lamenting complaining women in the next 10 years.

If a man is not what you want in terms of values then move on and marry somebody who is they will stay manage and lament later.

Traditional women should marry traditional men, women who believe in full equality should marry men who believe the same.

Somebody like me who left a long term relationship when I was smart enough to know the kind of man I wanted because he insisted a woman's kitchen is her office, I was called all sorts for leaving a relationship for what they said was a minor issue but for me it was huge. These women wont even talk about important things they just want to hang on marry anyhow whine later

Mariangeles:
No go dey do pass yourself to answer "supportive"
Body go tell you laslas. Na that time you go know say man and woman no get equal physical strength

There was a reason God Almighty established some laws.
God made laws that protects the woman. Don't give that up at the detriment of yourself.

Laws of 2000 years ago for people in the middle east , 2000 years ago when women could not be lawyers and doctors only wives nurses and teachers I should apply to a marriage in 2020, shame. When it comes to money matters we go back to the stone age

Desloaaa:
don't blame them. A lot of women have never enjoyed the full support of a man. Gone are the days! Some of these women paid their own dowry and fund their own wedding. Pay the rent and other bills... all the man does is give her a Mrs title. They only come online to keep a straight face. They cry inside. They are only keeping up appearances.

Sadly a lot of you have been soaked in poverty mentality; you assume every woman is soaked in same and seeking to grab any possible money from every man you see.

This is why marrying from ones station is important; both families agreed to skip the dowry and all that list drama, both were educated enough to realise that bride price and lists do not support equality.



Today we want equality tomorrow we are scampering for money.

Takotsubo:
Everything my husband and I earn go to one bank account and I disburse and allocate the rest.

In recent months I have out earned him,it doesn't change anything,it's still entering the same account

When he's outearning me it's about 4-6x mine and yet there's never been any problems,same account again and I disburse.

Personally,we do not do head and tail,we are equal partners and I am happy and willing to provide 100% without batting an eyelid.

At home, decisions are taken jointly according to who is an expert in what.Each person does what they are good at and we help each other out.

Our children were made by us, our joint responsibility,I'm grateful he provided the sperm and I added my womb.. beautiful equation.
They were brought into the world with him looking on in pride..they worship him as he is the best dad any child could ever ask for.

This model is not for everyone but this is what makes us both happy.I like to work,I like to make decisions and I know that my opinions count 100%..I couldn't cope with anything less.

Another person may prefer the more traditional method and it's still okay.There's enough room in the world for all methods.

It may sound scary for people who like rigid roles ,but when you are with a person you know is putting in as much effort as you into making your relationship work,you become more selfless..yes you will hurt each other as you are human beings but you still work at it and do better.

Every relationship is unique, find what works for you.

If you approach your relationship with flexibility and throw away all forms of rigidity ,there will be loads of room to be happy.

There's not one size that fits all.

Thank you

Ikjosh04:
Change your circle and have a open mind to see the best in people.

Thank you for this

crackkhaus:
Lmao... Someone who has never being proposed to with a ring was trying to tell you how you and your husband ought to be living in your marriage?
https://www.reactiongifs.com/r/bgsp.gif

The irony of her user name with zero sense.

No wonder a lot of women end up with mini lords they cannot even converse with, carrying a child I wanted to have and breastfeeding is now a weapon to extort, two sane people sitting and agreeing on how to run a home drama free is cheating, how old are these people I am wasting long grammar on sef? Their thought process is so sad