₦airaland Forum

havilla:
even in her death all you could think of is yourself, a good hearted man would regret that he wasnt there to help her, but here you are glad you weren't there because of accusations, sorry you sound narcissist to me.

When she was kidnapped they got him arrested so imagine what they would have done to him if she had died.
For one they would attempt to arrest him and if that fails post fake stories all over blogs and social media that will make him a leper to all employers and everybody on baseless claims. I have seen social media destroy many people just because one spouse couldn't let go of a bad marriage.

Recently a man lost his wife her friend heard that the woman's spleen was bursted she went on social media to claim her ex husband was an abuser and her father asked her to stay with the abuser.

If I didn't know the facts of the matter I may have judged this man too but there was no medical suggestion of abuse on the wife and interview from neighbours, friends and everybody showed there was no abuse.

I don't blame the op many bitter wicked people using social media to destroy others

Lalasticla, Seun, Mynd44, RoyalRoy please help push this discussion.

Moderators please is it possible to move this to the front page so people can learn from this and benefit.


Mynd44 OAM4J Seun

Only your mother can sue for divorce and half of his assets including the 30 million which can be argued to be money made during the course of their marriage.

You have no locus standi to sue him.

Convince your mom to sue him, file a divorce petition request damages and spousal support , she will show prove that by being a wife and mother she supported him in earning the money. It will be a long expensive fight but it will be worth it.

Report to the police

Saw this online; found it helpful especially with the surge in rape cases.

There is a lot of information on the cyber space on rape and the legal impediments of rape; some right some wrong. This article aims to separate the facts from fiction and also to provide some guide for rape survivors if they intend to pursue a criminal case against alleged rapists
In a nutshell, rape is non-consensual sexual intercourse. When a man has sex with a woman without her consent (in Nigeria – apart from in the FCT Abuja, only women are capable of being raped). When a woman has non-consensual sex with a man it is termed sexual assault. Sexual assault is similar to rape, but is not rape. ( Lawpadi 2018)
1. Myth One: Age of consent in Nigeria is 11; This information is false; the Child’s Rights Act of 2003 sets the age of consent at 18; however the challenge here is some states domesticated the law and reduced age of consent in their states while 11 states are yet to domesticate the Childs Rights Act. (Domestication of a law means when a law is passed by the Nigerian National Assembly and signed by the President, states also have to pass the law and the state governors also sign hence making that law applicable in those states). Advocacy should be focused on getting the remaining 11 states on board.
2. Myth 2: Since 1960 there has been only 18 Rape Convictions in Nigeria; This information is also false. Though I am unable to get a current figure the number of convictions is no where around 18. Even though this figure is still low, the challenges of getting convictions have mostly been from under reporting by victims and family members who believe the court and legal system may not give them justice. In some cases families have received compensation from the alleged rapists and refused to pursue cases further, in other cases lack of diligent prosecution , also poor training of police officers who receive reports of rape cases have discouraged victims from pursuing cases further. It is in response to this that some states have established helplines for sexual and domestic assault and some NGOs have worked to help victims get justice.
Myth 3: Rape Laws are Lax: While laws could be better in some areas eg; marital rape and redefining rape to mean sex without consent for both genders; the current laws are quite harsh on offenders. The VAAP law now has addressed some of these concerns.
There are 4 laws that deal with rape around Nigeria; The Criminal Code – this is applicable in all the Southern States
A. The Penal Code – this is applicable in all the Northern States
B. The Criminal Laws of Lagos – this is applicable only in Lagos State
C. The Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act – this has been domesticated by over 16 states currently
D. The Child Rights Act – this is only applicable in the States which have domesticated it ( Law Padi 2018).
These are the stipulated punishments for sexual crimes in Nigeria;
i. Assault with intent to commit unnatural offence (against the order of nature) is punishable with 14 years imprisonment
ii. Indecent assault on males is punishable by 3 years imprisonment
iii. Rape is punishable by life imprisonment, with or without caning.
iv. Attempt to commit rape is punishable with 14 years imprisonment
v. Indecent assault on females is punishable with 2 years imprisonment
vi. Abduction is punishable with 7 years imprisonment
vii. Abduction of girls under sixteen is punishable with two years imprisonment
Please note that ignorance of the age of the girls or as regards consent will not ground a defence. ( Wale Joseph November 2015; My Job Mag )

Step By Step Guide to reporting Rape Cases in Nigeria:
In the sad event of a rape; Rape Survivors may find these steps helpful:
1. Do not take a bath
2. Call for help and guidance: emergency response numbers nationwide is 112; in Abuja include; 112, 08078111126), Lagos : 112, 08137960048 E-mail : info@dsvrtlagos.org.
Kaduna: 09064528082. Enugu;
3. Make a report at the Police Station; A report of the incident is very important to get the case started, it is very important to remember and report every detail as this will help get the offender. If the victim is calm enough it may help to write out details before going to the station. If the police response is not satisfactory kindly report to 08057000001 police complaint line. The IGP has recently pushed for establishment of gender desks in all Police Stations, a victim or family members should request for the gender desk or officer at a station.
4. Get Medical help and a medical report; Family or friends can rush the victim to the hospital while making a police report. It is important to go to the hospital so the victim can receive immediate medical attention to prevent infections and pregnancy and for medical evidence of a rape which is needed for a strong prosecution case. Also some hospitals have social workers who will offer immediate counseling for victims. A government hospital is preferable for prosecution purposes even though the Court of Appeal has ruled that reports from Private Hospitals are now admissible.
5. Speak with a Lawyer: It is very important to speak with a good lawyer to guide you through the process of getting justice; some NGOs offer this service. A good lawyer will ensure that there is diligent prosecution and guide against public statements that may compromise the case
6. Speak to a trained counselor; Some NGOs offer post trauma counseling services; it is very important for a survivor to get counseling as rape is a highly traumatic occurrence. While a victim may look and act fine they may suffer Post Trauma in different forms which only a trained counselor can spot and guide through.
7. Use of Social Media: In some rape and sexual assault case social media has been instrumental in getting justice especially when the police is lax in investigations, also funding is important in pursing rape cases, medical examination; in cases where the alleged rapist has fled to another town funds may be needed to facilitate an arrest unfortunately the police will say they are not adequately funded to carry out inter- state arrests ; Social media can help with such funds and also act as pressure to ensure diligent investigation and prosecution; however not all details should be put on social media as some details could alert the suspect, and compromise the case hence the need to have some guidance from a lawyer

Supportive Roles for Rape Survivors:
1. Family: Family should offer support and not judgment; in cases of minors parents should not disregard reports, tale signs in their children. It is also important to consider the victims health in all decisions and stop the practice of receiving compensation to kill cases. Victims must receive immediate medical attention and family must ensure this is done
2. Police: The Police must be trained to understand rape as a serious issue and take the right and honest steps to investigate cases. Better funding for investigation of cases will remove the burden from the victim who may be discouraged by the expenses in pursuing a case.
3. State Prosecution: Work with the police to ensure diligent prosecution of rape cases. Open communication lines with victims and families. Ensuring that the burden of funding doesn’t lie with the victim and their families
4. NGOs: Help provide funding for prosecution, work with police and prosecution to ensure victim is well represented, act as a pressure group , provide support and counseling for victims, advocate for domestication of progressive laws on sexual violence, child’s rights act, VAAP law and the sexual offences bill. Also advocate to state Governments to set up response hotlines to domestic and sexual abuse.
5. Social Media: BE RESPONSIBLE IN REPORTING RAPE CASES; Responsible reportage by bloggers and social media users is important to ensure prosecution and for the victims recovery. Using the victims pictures, sharing pictures or videos of the rape if available are not helpful; sharing videos and pictures of a rape of a minor can be regarded as distribution of child porn which is a crime. Sharing pictures of a minor without blurring the face who has been abused is also unethical. While we are all passionate about ending rape and punishing offenders, it is responsible to remember as hard as it may be that the alleged rapist under the law until proven guilty still has a presumption of innocence.
6. Sexual Offenders register: States that have domesticated the VAAP law also operate a sexual offenders register where convicted rapist and sexual offenders are published. NAPTIP as a national body also operates a national sex offenders register.
Most importantly; DO NOT SHAME THE VICTIM, RAPE IS A CRIME, THE VICTIM SHARES NO BLAME IN RAPE.

Ps: Akwa Ibom has signed the VAAP law so they are no longer on this map.

Written by Aishatu Ella

Well they said cooking, submission,cleaning and giving sex are the only qualifications of being a good wife in Nigeria so enjoy what your brothers have created.

Do you insure already pregnant women?

Fiyinfoluwa20:
Guy, I do not even have the (Fever, coughing or severe shortness of breathe) - I pray I don't oo !!!! God ! Plus, the Dr. even said we would not be admitted inside the premises, they'd send someone to take the sample outside - but I have not decided on that yet.

Omo, it can be really lonely when you are far away from home and taking care of yourself alone. I just pray I get well soon enough.

Absence of fever doesn't remove possibility of COVID. Good step by the doctor I hope you get well soon

Costs about N 200,000

Fiyinfoluwa20:
So, this is the timeline and symptoms so far:

Saturday 13-06-2020 Had severe chest-burn in the Night, wasn't a first time but this got me up for hours !!!
Sunday 14-06-2020 Woke up to Flu
Monday 15-06-2020 Fatigue and Nasal blockage
Tuesday 16-06-2020 Fatigue and Nasal blockage
Wed 17-06-2020 Fatigue and Nasal blockage
Thurs 18-06-2020 Fatigue and Nasal blockage - shortness of breath, light chestburn


Friday - 19-06-2020 - Didn’t Wake up as fatigued. Took a sip of ginger, garlic, lemon and honey tea before turning in last night. Plan is to get blackseed today.


++++
I am considering going to my office hospital for an antibody test - read something around it online !!!

Please I beg you, if you are not calling NCDC to get tested then stay away from your office hospital. You will expose the doctors, health workers and every patient that comes in.

Adunny07:
I said most times when I come she is pregnant...now am done with service and she is no longer pregnant...she gave birth in January....and trust me am not taking the food and accommodation for granted...just pointing out the fact that even now that am sick she is angry that I can't help when normally I help her...maybe u don't really understand my writeup sha...thanks anyways.

I am a parent, I work I earn but till today when I go to my sisters place I don't even let her lift a cup. I stayed with family before getting my own place I did house work and still bought gas, light and some small stuff.

This is the problem with women staying in abusive marriages for " the sake of the kids" the kids will now feel obligated to defend them and get themselves in trouble while the woman still stays.

If your mother is tired of the abuse she can report him to the police, imagine now she is the one treating him.

Apologise this time because if he reports it is a serious case against you. Next time they want to fight put on your ear plugs and understand that your mother is an adult who has chosen to stay in a bad marriage.
Your life is just starting don't waste it because your mom is making a wrong decision

Are you paying high Abuja rent?

Are you paying for food?

Calculate How much the work you do is and how much rent and feeding will cost you.

I think you should talk to your sister on appreciation while her husband who is supposedly so nice can help with the chores because it is his house and his wife is pregnant.

It is funny how you declare the husband a nice man while you expect your pregnant sister to do chores even when she may be drained.

Alternatively go back home let the husband pick up the slack.

What plans do you have for your life?

Have you finished your training?

How are you taking care of your daughter?
I hope you know that you are responsible for her and not just looking for a man to care for you?

Where are your parents?


Anyway report your ex to the police except you enjoy the beatings and it is some sick sexual fetish.


Stop jumping from man to man and focus on growing.

Stop having unprotected sex

Please leave for a while,dont let anyone convince you to manage, her mom is abusive as is she.
If you stay they will push you to hit her use the pictures online to cost you your job and everything. Please move out, take care of your kids report to social welfare and pay the allowance through them via her bank account so you have documentation

Gunshots in Presidency as Aisha Buhari Moves against President’s Aide, ADC Arrested
editorJune 13, 2020 8:35 Am
What security sources regarded as ‘security breach’ occurred at the precincts of the Presidential Villa, State House, Abuja on Thursday night, when the First Lady’s Aide-de-camp, Usman Shugaba, attempted to force President Muhammadu Buhari’s Special Assistant, Sabiu Yusuf, into self -isolation over COVID-19


Gunshots in Presidency as Aisha Buhari Moves against President’s Aide, ADC Arrested
editorJune 13, 2020 8:35 Am
What security sources regarded as ‘security breach’ occurred at the precincts of the Presidential Villa, State House, Abuja on Thursday night, when the First Lady’s Aide-de-camp, Usman Shugaba, attempted to force President Muhammadu Buhari’s Special Assistant, Sabiu Yusuf, into self -isolation over COVID-19 fears.

State House sources told THISDAY that trouble started when Sabiu, President Buhari’s nephew, returned to his residence at the precincts of the Presidential Villa, just outside the Pilot gate, after a trip to Lagos where he had gone to meet his wife who had just delivered a new baby.



Citing COVID-19 protocols, sources said, the First Lady Aisha Buhari and three of her children, Zahra, Halima and Yusuf, accompanied by some of her security aides led by the Aide-de-Camp, on Thursday night went to the residence of Sabiu located just outside the Presidential Villa to demand that he should self-isolate for 14 days, so as not to endanger the first family.

The encounter was said to have degenerated into a heated argument as Sabiu insisted he was not the only aide to travel to Lagos saying that the new Chief of Staff, Prof. Ibrahim Gambari, is in Lagos every weekend till he settles in Abuja, and wondered why the double standard requiring his self isolation for visiting his own wife who just delivered a new baby.

Sabiu, also known as ‘Tunde’ (believed to have been named after Late Gen. Tunde Idiagbon, Buhari’s deputy during his military regime in the 1980s), was however said to have returned

As he got home, the first lady in company of her children raided the premises raining abuses, presidential sources who witnessed the incident said, leading to the escape of Sabiu after gunshots were fired by the First Lady’s ADC in an attempt to apprehend the President’s aide, who had to breach walls to run for his life and escape to the nearby residence of President Buhari’s cousin, Mamman Daura, where he spent the night.

THISDAY gathered that the Inspector General of Police, Mohammed Adamu, after receiving security report on the incident on Friday where gunshots were fired in the precincts of the Presidential Villa, ordered the arrest of the Aide-de-camp to the first lady and all the security aides that accompanied her to Sabiu’s residence.


https://www.thisdaylive.com/index.php/2020/06/13/gunshots-in-presidency-as-aisha-buhari-moves-against-presidents-aide-adc-arrested

chivera018:
God may I never get married into this type of family.
Tueh!
So problematic! And petty!

Amen

Witchcraft, witches and wizards evil people looking for how to stress somebodys child. She should ignore her mothers bag and carry for your mom, you were too busy gossiping to follow your own mom around and carry her bag abi?

Ndi she dinnor kneel down.

May God protect my kids from this kind of witchcraft.

Poor girl relationship is doomed you will not rest until they break up .

Respect your own mother leave her alone foolish child

Nobody should hand over anything;
Both of you sit down make a budget of expenses and what you earn.

She handles some you handle some and you both put aside money for savings. This is how financial responsibility works in marriage.

Oga as she shares bills I hope you share chores

Laziness these days sha. I was speaking with a man at a car wash the other day, I was in shock what is a man doing at the car wash? Do men of this generation not know how to wash cars again? Why waste money every time on car wash?

A woman will marry a man then he will just wake up every day baff, eat, enter car and be going what kind of man is that?

Their fathers will wash 5 to 6 cars in the compound without complaining but men these days one car, two cars they will employ driver go to car wash or leave the work for security men who will snatch their wives with the car washing skills

You people will collect money every day every year from men nobody will hear pim , you will give men small money it now becomes a term paper

From your previous posts you dont trust him and he doesn't consider you in taking decisions.
I say keep your money and continue living like strangers because you are not leaving him so just continue as you were till the next case you report him here

What kind of advise does this wife want

You didnt discuss finances before marriage?

Anyway when we say end bride price list and all you people will scream sadly paying for your head means traditionally he can claim to own you but legally he can't.


He cannot force you to disclose these details and he is going about this the wrong way.

So her qualification was being beautiful
Kneeling down to greet your mom and calling your sisters " Anty" maybe cooking and cleaning gbam Nigerian man will decide he has found a wife and live unhappy then abuse will enter.


What are Cynthias goals?

The job she is doing now does she consider it her peak? Or she is looking for a man to put her at the same level with confirmed bank officers because it seems to be she is in competition with them.


What does Cynthia want from life? I bet you don't know, she is beautiful and can kneel and greet wife material don set.

Dont set yourself up for failure, resist the pressure from your mom you are not ready for marriage right now focus and build yourself a little bit more. With what you are doing in the mill are you ready to be suspending work to be with a family right now? Are you ready to divert your funds to wedding preparation and baby items? I think not.

When next you meet a woman before checking cooking and cleaning skills find out her goals and dreams and her plans to reaching them if they do not align with your own move on.

Sad part is many Nigerian men will not even get the kind of wife they need to grow because some idiot somewhere decided that food and cleaning is more important than having sense

While you are a silly person you have a right to your child but not full custody. Speak with a lawyer if you intend being a responsible parent

saphireadoo:
I appreciate every one who has contributed to this my post.I cant cope with another woman in my home, my husband finances not enough to cater for two families.Honestly speaking men can pretend to death, he has not given me any reason to suspect him. It is true that his family put pressure on him to marry their tribe, his uncle confirmed that to me but if he cant speak for me before his family, how can he defend me and my baby, this is very worrisome. His family are pretenders, they have eaten so much from me and pretended to love me all this while.If he doesnt solve his problem with that village girl, it wont work. I want to hear other people opinion to be sure that iam not over reacting.I have read through all your advise, i appreciate

Stop giving excuses let him take responsibility for his actions, his family didnt pressure him to make more money but to go and have unprotected sex and put your own life at risk.

Anyway cut off funding for his lifestyle, you are no longer two becoming one, he is now a man with 2 wives and should be able to provide for them. Your money should go towards building a house for you and your kids, having one of those educational savings accounts for your kids.

If you stay with him realise that you are now on your own stop all joint projects.

TheMaidDepot:
Who knows? Just as seen posted by those given credit on the picture. Honestly I am not even claiming it is true or not as it wasn't experienced first hand but it is the Scenario I am curious about. Okay assume for once that it isn't a fake story online, what do you think of such situation?

The world is dealing with Corona, Southern Kaduna killngs, rape etc I should waste my time thinking about what to write on a fake situation

People should be clear the kind of advise they need;

1. " I want to leave and find ways to secure my finances "

2. " I want to stay and blame his family members while forgiving my husband "
3. " I want to be in denial, I want people to tell me all men cheat and my husband was simply misled, I want to stay, keep giving my husband money to have kids everywhere it is not his fault it is his village witches fault ".

Women hardly take advice on these matters

TheMaidDepot:
*
Hello Eketem, Please get FACTS through the image attached. Kindly view the picture and see the social ID of who posted it clearly written (@staceyNYCDC on twitter who is not even in Nigeria and was screen grabbed and brought to Nigeria audience by @ijeomadaisy on instagram) and wasn't made by us (It was only found online and thought to read what others think regardless). This wasn't for marketing but for debate as you rightly said as I found it funny and unrealistic. Also, the poster never said it was a Nigerian man- This was only for you to drop your opinion on the topic if need be.

Fake fake fake, who is the man who is the wife,what is the name of the office

Gundel001:
wow
thanks a lot
we stay in Lagos

I hope this helps


Contact Us | Dyslexia Foundation Nigeria
CALL: +234 803 323 1928. Lagos Centre –
Ikeja 5B Adekunle Fajuyi Crescent, Off
Adeniyi Jones Street, Ikeja – Lagos, NIGERIA.