₦airaland Forum

They are actually very effective but I don't know why they are lying that it was IGP Idris that established the unit, it started under Solomon Arase

Try legal Aid like Ify suggested. Police is not a debt recovery agency. Also call police complaint line 08057000001 and report that your brother is being detained illegally and without trial for a purely civil matter. You will be shocked how quickly they will tell the company to take their matter away

tracyfemmmm:
Trash. So many contradictory points of view. I know your own agenda is just jealousy that women are now being appreciated and more importantly taught that they can survive on their own. Like you really want us to give credit to Saudi Arabian men? The most oppressive country for women in maybe the world. A country that actively encroaches on human rights? Even funds and encourages violence against anyone who stands in their way. Some nairaland men have lost it.
You men have had centuries of literally worship. Women have had less acess to education and self sufficiency than the son of slaves in some cases. And here you are condescendingly telling us the the programs to improve our lives would be better if the focus was also on men? You think we are idiots?
We are not begging for your support in achieving our independence. If you do not bend you will break. The world is changing and independence for women is here to stay. You guys can take the back sit for once. Women have done it for centuries and the sky did not fall.

This is how women loose it, always emotional instead of being factual, pick out the issues you feel is wrong with the post and debate it rationally instead of declaring it jealousy.

The poster said and I agree from practice that most of these advocacy cannot be done by alienating men, I remember when Senator Abaribe worked so hard on the gender equality bill and pushed it even there were women in the Senate, what happened in the end? He gave an interview to support the bill and was talking about the amendments they will make to ensure the bill sails through next time, The Newspaper took one sentence out of context, Thats how the same women he was pushing a bill for didn't read the full story and started attacking him, insulted him from heaven to he'll, this was a man who was in the fore front of pushing this bill oh, I think after that he took his hands off, till today no woman in the Senate has bothered to reintroduce the bill

divinelove:
Yes the last thing a woman should pay for in a house is rent it is a sin for her to do that, if she does then the man should repay her, her money.


As a man if u can't pay rent then u are useless, a woman can do any other thing but rent is a no no

Sin according to which bible? The sad part is the same women will hail this patriacial veiw and complain later when more patriachy is not in their advantage.



No law made it a taboo for a woman to pay rent, a woman is an adult and adulthood comes with responsibilities, every adult above 18 can pay rent.

This man calling it a taboo is the kind of man who will delight in throwing a woman out on the street for not kneeling down with water for him to wash his hands

divinelove:
I subscribe to the biblical standard

Man is the provider 100%
Woman must submit to him and help him. He is the head of the family. A man that cannot provide for her family is worst than an infidel. Woman should support their husbands.

It is unthinkable for a woman to pay rent where a man stays even if the man lost his job he can only borrow from her woman and repay the rent money.

Women should assist wherever they can infact men should not even be waiting for a woman's money to get along

The same women who will want their names on property you are now saying it is a taboo for them to pay rent. Hiannnnn

GoodFaith:
Thanks for commonsense
Husband need to help wife in all area as wife need to help husband
50% chores it might work for for 20% of a partnership
Any woman that is go into marriage with 50% chores work--PLEASE DON'T GET MARRY

You cannot direct women on the standards they should have.

MadHeadLeft2:
It's been an interesting course of events for me, these past ten days.

Coming to Nairaland to ask for help is one of the most broke things I have done in my life, but at the end of it all, I have no regrets, just lessons, and deep appreciation for the people who helped me in their own way.

For one, I know I would never allow myself to enter the kind of scenario that led to my initial posting. A combination of tact and care will help me keep my accounts safe from Upwork.

What have I been up to?

1. @Dammytism coached me on how to open, approve, and verify Upwork accounts easily - it works! I have opened and approved four accounts and began sending proposals out today after the 4-day cooling period. To keep the accounts safe, a technically adept Nairalander helped me create Virtual Computers on my laptop via TeamViewer.

The import of this is that there would be no linkage between all the accounts I use, and if I ever need a throwaway operating system, I can easily set one up, do what I need to do, and discard.

2. I am going to Federal Neuro Yaba on Thursday. From my conversations with a person who works there, the registration fee is N4,000, and there might be as much as four consultations/sessions with a psychiatrist to reach a probable diagnosis. Each session costs around N7,000, minus testing. Perhaps, I will get the care I need, but whatever happens, I would be glad to have taken a step. I used to read a lot of materials online about my specific disturbances but I have not indulged recently; I want to keep an open mind, lay out all the persistent maladies that afflict me, and let the pros lead guide me. I do not want to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.


3. Since I am working now, I am confident of affording the care I need. I could have done something about the voices, the lethargy, the anxiety, the forgetfulness but everyone I confided including my mom said I should pray. I don't pray. I don't like prayer. Prayer is a means of signing away effort that I could well exert. Basically, the thought of giving up control to an entity that I do not know or haven't known for long strikes me with too much fear.

So happy to read this. It will get better hopefully

Heheheheehe I like it when BMC people are trying to deceive people that they are neutral.

Redeemed Members who are ready to blindly support Buhari because of Osibanjo trying to criticise the government small so people can believe they are not biased.

Makschinchin:
Thanks for pointing that out. She didn't mention something like that in her post so why throwing shades at us

Anyways, correction taken

It is easy to check posters history before judging

It is rainy season, the ponds down north are full the grass is green, herdsman return far north so no friction, when the ponds start drying and grass gets brown they head back to the fertile regions and fights continue

thorpido:
Everyone who comes here to ask for help will be investigated and proven to be genuinely in need.No one is just going to throw money away.

Even if you say well it's your money,it's still a forum with rules and there will be people who will act as checkers and that is not out of place.

There are many who have come here as scammers.

No problem with investigation but let it be done thoroughly with an open mind not declaring them scammers and even when they have proved they are not insisting they are and blocking help for them. That people need help doesn't make them less than human even during the investigation let them have some dignity except when thru have shown to be fraudulent.

Nobody is perfect and if people are saying the method of accusing and even making fun of those in need is not nice let us be honest and not do clique defence

nwanneni:
na menopause dey worry am.
Make she no go buy mobil 1 use masturbate,make she dey there dey yarn bawoof.
Stupid ghanaian bitch!

This is unfair! That we disagree on an issue doesn't mean we have to insult. No need to insult her please just make your objection without the insults

cabasaa03:
Any lawyer in the house please ?

urgent help on this matter please .

My friend want to marry a lady quietly that was separated from her previous husband for the period of 5 years and they did court registry wedding.

Can she proceed with another wedding with the new husband in another registry in Nigeria

That will be bigamy, a crime. She needs to formally divorce in court

Desloaaa:
Bunch of hypocritical Nigerians that would allow sentiments rub off practical actions.
You all mentioning Ify and saying she went overboard with investigation are the reason we are having a returning atiku in this country. Y'all are a bunch of mess.

On this same nairaland ifyalways has helped tracked down countless scammers and saved a lot of people their hard earned money. Yeye people everywhere

This your analogy no follow, Ify herself supports Atiku. Nobody is saying she should not investigate we are saying be open minded in investigation.

She normally starts by declaring a cry for help fraud and even when she discovers it is not pride and arrogance won't let her admit she was wrong thereby denying someone who actually needs help of help. I have witnessed one or two of such situations.

generationz:
that the females you knoe are doing it dosnt mean the entitlement mentality of men should be condoned

tell me did our forefathers have two heads ?
yet they were able to care for the needs of more than one wife without complaing like ops husband

why don't men also share in giving birth to the children. if they plan to have four kids the man should tell his new wife he will help her carry two pregnancies and then he will know that their are some responsibilities that a woman will forever be tied with and can't complain about. you think child bearing and rearing is that easy because you hear all the lovely songs of "sweet mama".

men are physically stronger than women but women take on a lot shit these days. compare an average married woman to her single counterpart of the same age. stress has worn her down . Yet these men still feel they did these women a favour by marrying them. some even use the money they have to cheat with reckless abandon leaving the whole job of caring for kids on the women


The average marriage today is one of wives " mothering" their husbands and still expected to be worship the ground the men walk on
African woman take a lot of shit that their counterparts can't take half of in foreign lands.


Many american husbands fear divorce like hell because they could loose half their fortune and the house they laboured to pay mortgage on. the same can't be said of Nigerian men . A Nigerian man will just wake up to drive his wife and kids out of the house they both built


women should better start training their boys that being a man is beyond carrying shoulder and having balls in between their legs

This is one reason I like IBO men

many of them marry late because they want to be able to have enough to give their wives and kids the best. They don't have to be super rich but whatever status they are in life they know their children won't lack basic needs whether or not the wife is working.

Just like a man helping out with chores is optional, A woman contributing should be optional too

Appreciate her for her roles and the fact that she still helps you with what you are expected to do 100%


very entitled Mommy's boys we have today smh

The women in America get married under the law which protects them, here family and relatives exchange a woman for goats, yam and wine in the name of list and bride price hence the men have no fear over somebody they purchased. That's the truth.

Change will come when women decide enough of the backward cultures that favor us, make better decisions when dating and stop marrying stupid men instead of fighting over a cheating man walk away. We need to take responsibility for our failures in this. We want men to pay for everything from dating to marriage yet shout inequality

AdaNnabugo:
I can't thank you enough, you have really shown me love in a way I never expected... may you never have any reason to beg in your life. awwwww...... I can't even control my tears... God bless you Mr Gboyega.... igbega will be yours in Jesus name...AMEN.

Congratulations my sister, I am happy for you.

Thank you so much Mr Gbenga may you always have people to respond to you

Makschinchin:
Ify, I like your comments on this thread. But it's as if joyfulgal is prolly a butty or ...(I reserve my comment here).

Me wen be pako, I no even dey reason house help at all, my mama carry all of us and cared for us on her own with help from her sis that didn't stay long in our house then. That your pregnancy must be very special to you o... Chai, first belle, na so e dey be for some people sha... You're lucky enough to have the wherewithal to employ and even fire

It is not a matter of butty read her previous posts she has been trying to conceive for 8 years, has had several IVF and is currently on bed rest.

People need to stop being so judgemental on people's choices even when she didn't come to ask if it is okay to have a help people left the real matter and started judging

CHoccolaTE:
@your first paragraph,
good.
Thats the main point of the thread so let's stick to it.
Men are obligated to help with housework once the wife starts contributing financially.

Its not a favor, it's a must for them to assist.

I don't even use the term " Help " or assist, it is husband and wife's house and it is their bills, they HAVE to get it done, there is no help or assist, they are adults and should work together to get both done, any other help from outsiders is secondary. Even omugwo, I believe husband and wives should train themselves to get it done, it is not rocket science.

What I am against is the selective equality on both ends, men want equality when it comes to bills, women want equality only when it comes to chores, a woman may earn more but contribute only 20 percent because she believes she is a woman, a man may stay more at home and do 20 percent of chores because he is the man. I find that wrong it is their home they are obligated to work together and RUN IT, not help.

CHoccolaTE:
Thats your business.
Women always assist their maids, either that or their kids join in doing housework. In no situation is 100% of work ever left for maid. It's not done anywhere.

Please note that I blame men for this situation too, if they did more at home househelps won't be over used.

You don't have to be rude to make your point though.

CHoccolaTE:
Thats your business.
Women always assist their maids, either that or their kids join in doing housework. In no situation is 100% of work ever left for maid. It's not done anywhere.

Wow, so you have been to every home everywhere to know this doesn't go on. Same househelps I see in church on Sundays taking care of kids while parents enjoy uninterupted service even Sunday is no longer off day for them

CHoccolaTE:
What kind of lie is this?

When women employ those helps do you think they abandon 100% of the chores for them?
I have known people that brought relatives like that to assist them at home, all those people do is ASSIST. whether the maid is an adult or a teenager. Women don't just sit around and let another person do everything in the name of househelp.
Stop telling lies because you want to run women down.

No lie here. Most women have live in house helps who work almost 24 hours. No defined work hours no good pay.

Ximonak:
1000%

They will even stop paying and start mistreating the girl.

I believe in sharing all the duties in the house but for financial duties, whosoever earns more should pay more...

Strongly agree, and whoever who available when chores needs to be done should do them. No drama

The funny part of this debate is that Nigerian women will always shout on how cooking, taking care of children cleaning and sweeping are very difficult jobs until it is time to get a househelp then they will get an underaged small girl to do these same roles and even when they get an adult they will pay below minimum wage for the same roles they say they should be worshiped for.


While it is selfish for men to want women who work share bills and refuse to share chores at home I think there is a lot of hypocrisy on both ends.

As for the poster you and your husband need to sit down write your bills and incomes and see what you need to cut and how you can work together to pay bills

Poster will be selling second hand items at the same price with new ones yet be refreshing everyday because people don't buy, you won't learn and price appropirately

Great choices except Deji and Fani Kayode. Henry shield would have been better for youth mobiliser, Deji is uncouth and rude

Fani Kayode is crude and loud no finnese.

I hope Osita Chidoka is vice president

Take a few weeks or months to learn from someone who is in the business.

You have not found closure.

I can guess it was a disagreement and you were forced or aksed to forgive and forget for peace to reign. If you had sorted the matter adequately and had closure you won't be thinking about the matter again.

This happens a lot with families.

Anyway you need to find a way to let out your feelings. Get a diatyand write it out. Find a paper and write what you feel then burn it.

MadHeadLeft2:
Update:

1. Five people have helped me out so graciously! I now have enough supplies in the house to tide me over for a long time.
2. A Nairalander living in Canada has given me some proofreading and editing work; he said he would send me half of the $300 fee agreed upon, and the rest when I complete the project.
3. I have also been coached on how to open an Upwork account. Would start work tomorrow.

greetings to everyone who chimed in.

But I am not leaving the thread now. Due to the skepticism I have encountered, I am encouraged to write out the last 12 years of my life. I have always meant to document those experiences but never found enough gumption to begin, but I will do so now.

The most pressing things have been taken care of, and I can at least breathe a little without my guts feeling like it is held with a vise.

Happy Sunday everyone.

PS. Would now proceed to scrub the thread of any identifying info. Please, also help me out so that I can have a measure of privacy; this would be by editing out my info such as bank account number. thank you so much.

I am so happy for you, praying and hoping it works out well for you.

Don't be a stranger here no matter how harsh it gets.

We are all dealing with challenges in different degrees, so many days I want to end it all because of different things I have faced this year but each day I strive on and face it. Maybe one day I will write but for now I struggle to come out of the hole.

I remember you in my prayers, I hope you get mental health help very important

yvelchstores:
not every child loves to go to school, some wail everyday to school yet they must learn discipline to do the needful.
I don't know how to express to you the deep realities of your situation. God is saying to you, you have strived and toiled enough, I want to come in now and take the wheel. It's not magic, u have to let him. First you have to compel your body to subject itself to be taught, to be able to listen, to hear the voice of God.

Believe me, most medical diagnosis are spiritually inflicted. Even the ones that are natural are subject to spiritual intervention so at the end of the day, whatever the root cause, Jesus has the answer and is more willing to help than u can imagine.

You have to take that step and start your journey with Him. Suppress those voices, they know their days are numbered now, cos God says "it's enough"

Can you attend the Communion service?

God bless you for your assistance but faith is something one finds by themselves, at this point he is has shown some resistance let him decide on his own when and if he wants to return to church.

MadHeadLeft2:
i wish you people will stop accusing me. i wish you would stop acting so sure of my circumstances. it is tearing me down.


where is the false narrative?

where is the lie?

Please, point out the lies that you have detected. stop accusing me of lying. please.

it would be better not to contribute than try to tear me down. please.

Calm down, it is a default setting and it is not normal in today's world to give a stranger benefit of doubt except one has faced hard times and understands life happens.

Please don't bother with them anymore, it's a routine, make accusations when people seek for help, when the person defends themselves they leave and still cast aspersions at the persons credibility. I don't know what they get from that.

Life happens, not everybody will believe you. Calm down and respond those who actually care about giving you a chance

There is something in your environment attracting mosquitoes, too much grass or gutter water or still water.

My suggestion: clear the grass or still water, then let your family go out for a day. , buy sniper, cover your hands with gloves or polythene bag, add small water, pour round the house out side and inside the whole jouse, lock your house come back in four hours, sweep and clean. Your family can now come home

[quote author=Excesslove222 post=71833871][/quote]Do you want to lament or get solutions?
When you meet a man open your eyes, ask serious questions you will get the truth except you don't want it.

I don't know what you want to hear because all the possible solutions we have given you have a reason it won't work.

It is important now that you don't get pregnant again, sort out the finances first please, a child will make things tougher

MadHeadLeft2:
I need both sir.

They accept accounts from Nigeria, but it is only few people that know how to set up an Upwork account right now.

Hundreds of people apply to the website daily so they're not really accepting applications. but @emmdam can open Nigerian Upwork accounts. I will speak to him once I have some money to pay for the accounts.

Specifically list what you need so anyone who wants to help Will help.

Help to open the writers account;

Help for food

Medical help seeing a therapist.

It is all jumbled up.

I hope for your sake you are being honest