₦airaland Forum

Yea, but I hope he actually gives an allowance of some sort. We don't know the finances of the dad's sister...I'm sure if something is droppin, the child will be seen as less of a burden if they are those kind of people and also I don't encourage freebies, so the guy gets to feel some sense of responsibility.

sassysure:
Money is not what that child need.
He needs his dad. The child is at a crucial stage of development. Whatever happens now stick into their head like glue.
Money don't buy such.

Now, let me not mention name, a son of one former governor in the middle belt was greatly affected by how his father treated him that he vowed not to give birth.
Everything he want,food, toys, name them, he gets. He was obese by the time he finished secondary school.
He said his dad will pop in once in a while and tell him to always smile to the cameras, hope they are giving u food etc and off he goes. No time spent together, didnt do homework, don't care about his school performance and the rest. He hates food. This guys hates food so much that he may eat only once and that's it for the day and that once is small.
Emotional torture.

N this is why guys sleep with house maids. You cant do nada for urself so u become dependent on another for everything. I have promised myself that my sons must do house chores. They should be able to survive without a woman so that when its time to choose a wife, the amount of house chores a woman can do does not distort your decision making.

sassysure:
Thank u!
Some guys can't even cook indomie or garri!
They can't clean their house except their babes come and do it for them. That's when u will hear wife material which is an illusion ladies use to get them
Provide money and that's all.
Are we better off?
Abomination!

Two things really struck me - I hope the child will be treated fairly and I hope the partying hard dad will contribute some money for the child's upkeep.

sassysure:
That lady is a gem. She stays one month in and one month out. She is no longer under a company now and picks her job. Said she has worked enough and planning to retire.
I mean, when I discovered her profession, I bowed.


Don't mind them.
If u are a porthharcourt babe like me, u will know everything about this offshore rubbish.
A good and homely man will always be good irrespective of what he does for a living.

No excuse.

Thank you. You have only been married for two years. Guess she was still goodlooking. At the slightest trace of illness, u just leave her. Then what exactly do u want her kid for. Me, I don't blame her mum

sassysure:
This exactly was what riled me up.
Very irresponsible man.
Tomorrow, they will say their children don't love them.

I used to check her blog when I got married newly and was busy tryna whip up new recipes. Never knew she works offshore. The strange thing bout the whole offshore talk is that they actually have two weeks to focus on the family when they are off. N like you rightly said, how many Nig men work offshore. This particular dad needs real therapy. He needs to work on himself before remarrying another victim.

sassysure:
There is this Nigerian lady I watch her vlog always.
Flo Chinyere. All her life, she tours countries searching for oil in the sea.
She also wrote the all Nigerian recipes.
Her family is intact.
I used a popular person's cos I may say I know a lady and u guys will say I'm lying.
Her work is offshore too but she is also the best mum ever.
Yes, u guys should stop with this offshore bla bla bla.
How many Nigerian men are working offshore?
What about others?
What excuse do they have?

Ur parents made a mistake in balancing u up emotionally and u want to continue in the same shit.
Godamnit!

The difference is that he's not making the child's welfare a priority. His mum fought tooth and nail to get the child n then wants the child to stay with her daughter. From the Op, we can tell the daughter's hubby is not exactly crazy bout the arrangement and who's to blame him. Same irresponsible hubby who was partying while wifey was dying from kidney disease, no less, cant be bothered to bond with his daughter.

crackkhaus:
What is the difference between this scenario:

And this scenario:

They definitely don't but they take ownership for the child's welfare. My point is that being offshore is not peculiar to men and is not an excuse not to take care of your kid. He can get a nanny, a younger relative n make his child's welfare a priority. Instead, he's so anxious to ship off the child.

crackkhaus:
Yes, and they take their kids offshore with them to change diapers at night.

Bro, wake up n smell the coffee. I know women with kids under one who work offshore/ onshore. No be say them tell me, I know them. Makes me wonder again if I stepped into another country.

Acidosis:
Work is a valid reason. Men do onshore/offshore jobs, men work as sailors. Men work as military men, etc. You don't expect this category of workers to sit in the house changing diapers. Some of us entered boarding school at 9. We were left in the hands of total strangers. Some parents are not overprotective and some don't have trust issues.

Pele bobo, I don't lack comprehension skills. Ure so quick to toss around lazy word for someone that doesn't take care of niece/ nephew but what about a guy that doesn't care for sick wife and for an infant. N next time, u want to bemoan a lack of comprehensive skills, remember its usually a plural word, comprehensive skills, shogbo.

MMXX:
You lack comprehensive skill,please go back and read again albeit slowly this time before typing trash and bringing about stories that never were

You guys never cease to amaze me. ever heard that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. It's not just about calling females, lazy n using a different set of standards for the male . Here's a man who could not be bothered to take care of his sick wife of only two years, at the honeymoon stage o. Again , cant take care of his new child. So, who's really lazy?

MMXX:
What kind of a lazy female is this one na,so you're in conclusion saying you can't take care of your niece or nephew peradventure something tragic happens to your siblings(God forbid though).

This is not an outsider for Christ sake woman.You must be one of those wicked hags out there who would enslave their own relatives if their care is entrusted to you

He's not a bad person but has a history of making bad decisions, including going after a minor and grooming you to do his every wish . What effort has he made towards you acquiring a skill or getting you to live with him as a family. This is 2020... shine ya eye!

Ifyjos:
Thank you so much . He is not a bad person but I just don’t know how to tell him about this but I promise when the right time come I will tell him

Hello Ifyjos - if you have really confessed to your sis, blessings be upon you for doing the right things . Years later, you will thank yourself for taking this right step.

You have done a good thing and the fact that you have to hide it from ur BF tells a lot about his character n how he's influencing u to do stuff against ur conscience. You know the right thing, keep doing it. Oyibo ppl say: to urself be true, cos at the end u have urself to answer to. Reason why women that have aborted typically blame any instances of childlessness on the abortions, meanwhile some people may have no such issues but still have challenges.

N never stop bettering urself, there's so much ahead to stay fixated on doing better than ur sis. The sky is ur limit, so don't be afraid to start small.

It's your BIL that should be taking care of his kid or your MIL that's insisting that the kid stays within her family.

conyema12:
Lol.. pls don’t judge me yet. Its not entirely my wife’s responsibility, my nature of job requires i stay away for a reasonable amount of time. But when i come home, i do play my role to the fullest.

Ok...Best of luck with ur search.

Jaubdu:
Age:34
Qualifications: BSC
Working
6feet tall
Chocolate in color
Have affection
A Nigerian
Christian
God fearing

Don't need the details. .just tryna help.

Jaubdu:
go back to my first post,I have done justice to that.The details you need is there.

I just think you need to give some more info to get interested people to respond. u gave an age range that is rather wide. No description bout ur physical appearance...Best of luck with ur search n keep an open mind

Jaubdu:
34yrs

Your own age nko?

Sometimes, I wonder if NL people actually live in Nig. Well, what do I know?

Theyoungmatron:
Very funny excuses justifying insolent behaviours in men.
The widows that refuse to remarry nko, don't they go to work and still take care of their babies till adulthood.?

Shame to bad pipo!!! Happy wedding anniversary

Surprise, Surprise - u don't have the final say on who will be greater. Get your life in order first.

Ifyjos:
I have never competed with her , all I know is I will be greater than her and I won’t look down on people who don’t have anything , when I get rich I will p people who don’t have and I won’t remind them of their past.

Your goal should not be to be greater than your sister. Don't be in competition with her. It never ends well. Everyone has their own destiny.

Ifyjos:
Well it is not the end of the world because everything is possible with God she can still get married even at 50 and that’s not a problem. I wasn’t jealous of her because I’m only 20 soon to be 21 I can still achieved my goals and be greater than her.

U go fear na.

Ehibiggirl:
na breaking limits into her untold hardship

I'm telling you. She feels justified in her wickedness

Sarang:
Get this into your thick skull
Taking care of your parents is not your sister’s duty.
She do it because she is a smart and responsible kid.
What have you done ever for your parents aside rant and cause trouble perhaps
And ofcourse have a baby outside wedlock..
You honestly should go see a psychiatric
The way you think is pathetic

You are very wicked and jealous. Look at how happy you are that she's not working while wishing her fertility issues. Your sis will rise again and what doesn't kill her will make her stronger. Breaking limits on top wickedness abi....continue

Ifyjos:
Where did I say that she asked me to suffocated my baby , all I was trying to ask u is so because she work and wake up early so I have to suffocate or kill my baby ? That’s what I meant. I’m not ungrateful and I will never be one but I refuse to be her slave by just because she gives me money. She is not working and where will she get the money to give me ? By the way it’s a new year and my year of breaking limits so I will hustle hard and I don’t need any help. God will provide . You can insult me as much you like , it doesn’t affect me because my daughter is the best ever and I don’t regret having her. Am
Nothing without her.

Now you're over doing it. U were a lil bit believable at some point but now, I know ure kidding. Your daughter is her daughter, really?

Ifyjos:
We lives with our parents and yes she provided foods and clothes for my daughter which is normal for her to do because my daughter is also her daughter. I have brought foods in the house , everything we ate for Xmas and new year was from the money that my guy gave to
Me to buy foodstuffs. Yes God will provide for us , he will be rich , marry me and we will happily

What does having low self esteem have to do with learning tailoring.
When you wake up in the morning,
Tell your self, I am awesome, I am blessed, I am fabulous. Time waits for no one, start the learning as early as you can.

Ifyjos:
I didn’t finish secondary school and i don’t have SSCE certificate , but I want to learn tailoring so I can be a professional fashion designer , but I’m not working on it yet because I have low self esteem

Which is a start. I don't look down on you for that but surely you know you can be a lot more. Do you have your SSCE? Do you want to own a salon? Can you work in an established one so you learn about their processes,
Billing etc?
What are your life goals and how are you working to achieve them? As you can see, even after your sister lost her job and fiance, still your issues remain. Work on bettering yourself and no one will care that you are a single mum

Ifyjos:
I make people hair at home

Typical Nigerian. Calling God after wickedness. Do the better plans God has for you include lying on your sister and breaking her relationship.
Let me explain something to you about the way God works. He blesses the works of your hands. Which work are you doing? He is also angry with the wicked every day but ready to forgive.

Ifyjos:
I don’t hate her but I’m trying to clarification on what she did to me because some people are blaming me for getting pregnant at a young age , and they are blaming my guy because he has nothing. But I know that God has better plans for me and him , the situations that we are passing through today , it is not permanent and one day it will become a story to motivate others. Like I said getting pregnant at a young age was wrong but She is my greatest blessings from God and I don’t regret having my child , she is the best daughter ever

You can keep lying to yourself but the only reason she missed work is you and your WhatsApp posting boyfriend

N now you have given him more reasons to leave you with your inability to stand for someone that has sacrificed for your family. If only you could see things from your sister's perspective, assuming you are real, if u had finished school n got a good job, ur little token will help the family's finances, instead from the little she has, shes also paying your child's fees.

If truly u want this issue resolved, go and meet your mum n confess to her, she will guide you.

N borrow yourself brain please. Men leave women all the time....

Ifyjos:
He can never dump me because If he wanted to leave me , he would have done it long time ago when I was still pregnant. He never denied me and my pictures is everywhere on his Facebook and WhatsApp profile and our future will be greater. Not I’m not responsible for her loosing her job , she lost her job because at the time her fiancé dumped her , she was suicidal and missed work for almost a month and lost her job.