₦airaland Forum

No go do pass yourself. I wonder what youre trying to prove. Now you are forming Messiah, hope your actions dont come back to haunt you as you are setting a precedent.

Femmyfamous4u:
My total income is actually higher but it was far lesser. My major worry is that she does same to her family, she has younger siblings and mother bit she doesn't give them as much, I have bridge the gap by placing the mum in an allowance and assist the siblings too. I assist in the house chores but she complains I leave her alone in the kitchen.

O ya mi lenu o. My own is when did his bad behaviour start? Cos after cooking, ironing etc, they say she's too comfortable.

Klass99:
@ Fortyishcouga, please read the original post and the original poster's subsequent posts then tell me if divorce will not be a good recommendation in her case, now that water never pass garri too much and she only has one child to deal with.

I called your attention to this because of your thread where you asked why people are quick to recommend divorce. Does the OP's situation make tolerable sense? As in, is this the sort of thing anyone should tolerate or endure beyond 180 days? But she has done so for 1 year plus, how much longer will she have to do it to keep her marriage?

This is just one year and three months of marriage o. If we encourage her to endure, fast and pray as usual, five years may go by without her spouse/in laws changing, she may also have 3 or 4 kids by then. Leaving an intolerable/disrespectful situation may also become harder to do.

We shouldn't glorify marriage, cherish or value staying married above our peace of mind and overall well being abeg. I can't even wrap my head around what I read in the post below.

Dont mind the clown

ahnie:
More like *HUMbLe rie nsi

Just negodu. So many women have died daily pleasing men that already feel emasculated like you perhaps by their income or bosses or wateva. Humble my ass!

Fiscus105:
I haven't read half of ur post when I stopped reading, having realised that indeed u need marital tutorial, I pray ur marriage won't scatter before 5 years of ur marriage, I noticed of high ego in you and a wife who will not accommodate in laws for whatever reason and above all anger issues.

AN HUMBLE WIFE WOULD HAVE PICKED UP HER WRAPPER AND WASHED IT HERSELF AND LET THE SLEEPING DOG LIES.

I biliv that 70% of marital issues that are coming up in ur marriage are caused by you, because of ur domineering tendency.

if ur story is true, I will tell ur husband that he has succeeded wifed" his boss.

T for Tenz and thats for the bolded. Im indifferent to tribe.

teegurl2:
Yoruba People.

And before you come for me. Am yoruba too.


Their mindset is that your an outsider. And you have to be treated like one. And the intrusion never stops.

This is what you ll do. You have to apologize to them. Yes! Everyone of them. Smiles and all. Make dem commot your name for their mouth.

Thereafter lock up in a very matured way. Greet who you have to greet, don't waste time discussing with anyone about anything.

Don't even discuss about light. Always give an excuse for wanting to leave a discussion, calmly.

And please get busy. Don't be at home always.

Familiarity breeds contempt. So be careful please.


Dear single ladies please observe very very well before you marry into some families.

Waoh! Can you guys move bikonu? All this stress is not worth it. Regarding your husband, well wat can i say? Be nice to him but not emotionally attached otherwise hes gonna drive you bananas. Start looking for something to do where u can save like crazy. Be polite but firm with his family but be unavailable as much as you can.

There's always one irritating woman enabling a male relative to act entitled so we move! Tueh!!

Olamidegal:
seriously this people has access to the house , I don't see any reason why I should be territorial , my sister in law goes to my shoe rack wear my best shoes casually , she takes my best jewellery and I just let it slide ,one thing I realise is that my sister in law discuss all sort of things in front of her workers who are 10 years and 12 years younger than me and those girls started reacting based on that, I left work when I got married because of distance and I start applying for job that will be of close proximity to my husband house but I got pregnant immediately after marriage which marred my search for job so I started learning fashion designing anyway , my baby is 4 month now and I have started applying for job again, my sister in law is always going on and on about how I couldn't get something doing making reference to hiw hardworking she was when she was pregnant and all, this is a woman that shamed me that I gave birth through cs because i am lazy . Even while learning my fashion designing and as I was pregnant I cook for my husband 2 times daily atleast, do his laundry , iron hus clothes and clean the house everyday . She and my husband still sit to say stuffs like I am too relaxed because he is making me too comfortable

Choi

Karleb:
If you return thunder will fire you.

Suffer no dey tire you? What do you even do with 11k monthly? Is that money?

Grab your phone now and tell that your stupid boss he is a motherfucker.

So has he paid you wat he's owing you?Don't go back o, just thank God u escaped with your life!

As I said, you need to have a discussion with her like yesterday. Her orientation is clearly different from yours and i see you being short changed and ultimately resentful, if this is not nipped in the bud.

Some people are hoarders or stingy even to themselves. Note you said shes stingy even to her family. There was a thread about a woman whose family was complaining about her stinginess , though without more info on her circumstances in canada. I bet you, she will be stingy in marriage, even without intending to. Some women build houses and watch their husbands pay rent. What a mess!

Unfortunately, money is one of the 3 leading causes of divorce so you have to tread carefully. Explain to her that you are bothered cos theres rent, u need to buy land, soon you will be paying fees so she needs to be your helpmeet and try to earn her trust. I wish you Gods wisdom.

Femmyfamous4u:
She likes to look at her bank account and say yes, u have made XYZ or complain that I had certain amount but It has depleted to this usually after she buys some things in the house like groceries. ,Y major worry is that she doesn't assist her own family much.

Wat about investments? Wat about school fees?

You need to have a discussion with her on this. Wat does she do with her income? If shes saving, will the savings be available to you?

Truly this should have been spelt out before marriage. Who bears wat and your savings plan. Come up with a monthly budget too.

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting. My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough. I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get. She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food. Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about. It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours. My income is more than hers though. Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

It's her dream wedding. Make she confirm before she says its her husband's dream wedding as well

90k is a joke... same reason the country is losing doctors...

larrypourl:
Big mess. The problem with Nigerian govt is that they failed to review wages in accordance with inflation, which to me is plain wickedness. You see ASUU and other unions crying and begging for help when govt refused to review their wages for 13/14 years. How can wages remain static for 13years with the double digit inflation we keep having. A graduate assistant employed 13years ago received 90k and in 2023 you're still paying a graduate assistant same 90k, tell me why such lecturer won't extort students to get more money to survive.
The truth is that govt is fueling corruption. Majority of civil servants in Abuja survive and live on corruption because I don't know how they afford to pay rents there.

The thing most average Nigerians have been at the receiving end of entitled relatives and well wishers so i get him. You get a mortgage, they assume you earn so much but i could tell your post was different. Maybe something else is up with your sis though .....

CosmicDust:
Don't mind the lowlife please. Says he has a house and house like who gives a fck. He didn't even comprehend my story before going on his tirade like i am the reason behind his problems.
xevove2061or whatever you call yourself, i will bring issues i want to Nairaland anonymously. If that hurts you, your choice to harm yourself. I won't let foolish comments like his spoil the wonderful advise many have given me here.

Shes not paying the fees from his write up. I personally dont expect anything from people. Some people dont even get to say thank you after a ' huge' favour. Do i dwell on it? A little but more importantly we meuve!

xevove2061:
I cannot speak for other children. I maintain that children need to take care of their parents because their lives stopped when they birthed us. I am that aware. I kmow what parents go through, i have seen the good, bad and uhly in how i was raised as a kid. I still maontain that, that girl is not doing anything wrong. She is already paying fees for another sibling, plus se ding 40k momthly to her parent. What about the boys in the house. What are they doing. If that dirty cosmixdust boy is saying he sends 70k to his parents too, thats 110k, which is very good for monthly feeding atleast. What else do they want from the girl? My salary in naira runs into 8 figures monhly and i still do not see what i use the momey for, if not to pay one bill or the other and the sisters case is not different. Why will a grown ass married man bring this kind of issue here in the first place when he should, as a matter of fact, up hos contribution frok his side and his siblings side if he feels his elder sister is not bringing enough to the table.

Please lets keep it real. Her parents invested in her by setting funds aside to pay part of her tuition. Its possible somethings have gone wrong with respect to her expectations but wat happens to communication. Her folks may be civil servants, we dont know. Her mum is so hurt and has refused to speak to her. She can reach out to her, explain whatever is making life hellish to her and get the blessings of a mother.

xevove2061:
Make she drop from pedestal abi? Shebi na one italy girl wey her family share money wey she send them use build house, she say she wan come back, them dey tell am male she no come.

Thank you for penning my thoughts so eloquently

sammiewrite:
I don't have all the facts about OP's story as such I would carefully avoid commenting in that regard. What I want to react to rather, are comments of the so-called "wokes" on this thread. I wouldn't be typing plenty but I just want to drop few lines for some of us to keep in mind.
1. [b]Taking care of one's aged parents who clearly lacks the means is not entitlement. It isn't someone trying to "extort you" either.
2. Whether you like it or not raising kids in Africa is a sacrifice. Most of our parents don't have the economic opportunities of the countries we're trying to copy. They often had to choose between saving or investing at all costs or choosing their kids. [/b]Most times they choose their kids and now you want to tell me this is not sacrifice?

Naija is a mess. All these paltry amounts are creating an enabling environment for corruption

larrypourl:
I know FIRS pays well but you see that ministry your brother works. Except he's into runs,he's monthly real salary can't feed him comfortably for a month. Don't be deceived by the AC, big office, secretary and security you see around oo. My boss has spent 35years in service and his total take home is 318k after all mandatory deductions and that's even an agency that pays better than ministries. The only way to be liberated as a civil servant in Naija is to have a business of your own or if you're opportune to be in an office with runs or get good jobs in FG agencies and parastatals. Some of those Assistant Directors in ministries don't take home 250k at the end of the month and have bills waiting for you. Any govt job you're doing without an extra income is penury cos by 2nd week of the month, salary don finish

Wetin be this

Les:
with all due respect, sir, may curse be upon thee if you ever fail to retrieve that $100 from her.

Just negodu who cares?

Controlla123:
If I report her, dem go say I dey find the downfall of my fellow Nigerian

Yes it stayed by Gods grace. Bedrest, pregnacare as well....

UyaiIncomparabl:
Did the pregnancy stay after you took the progesterone injections? We are about taking same route for my friend. She has lost about 3 pregnancies consecutively. I have advised her to see her doctor to give her Duphastone supplementation. Or perhaps her cervix is open, so we are looking at having a cervical cerclage done.

I second a test for progesterone. 1st pregnancy i had 4 threatened miscarriages till the doc placed me on weekly progesterone injections. Next time I was pregnant, I was putting pressure on the doctors to give me same injections and they basically said there was no need.

Please take her to a good gynecologist.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Several factors could have led to the frequent miscarriages she had which sometimes is usually hard to pinpoint. Reasons such as;

* Low progesterone levels
* Chromosomal abnormality of the fetus.
* Incompetent cervix (low progesterone levels can cause this).
* Production of poor egg/sperm quality as they can form abnormal fetuses.
* Untreated infections.
* Hormonal imbalances (low progesterone levels are one of such). etc.
————————————

Let her have her progesterone level checked and a full hormonal profile test done to ward off any possibility of hormonal imbalance. Progesterone creates a healthy uterine lining to support a fertilized egg, embryo and fetus. If progesterone levels are too low during pregnancy, it could cause complications such as bleeding or miscarriage.

Also, her cervix could be incompetent, that is, it contracts, weakens and opens too early during pregnancy. This can as well lead to a miscarriage which still leads us back to low progesterone levels. Progesterone supplementations may help and as well, cervical cerclage.

Also, let her make sure she has no untreated infections as this can also lead to a miscarriage.

There’s also no proof that stress, sexual intercourse or strenuous activities can lead to a miscarriage. They are unfounded. However, it’s better to be safe than sorry. A friend has had over 3 miscarriages. We did bed rest, no trekking, limited movements, everything on this green earth, yet the pregnancies went down.

Hope she starts her ante-natal care very early and take her multivitamins religiously. Speak to your gynecologist as you may not be able to get the full answers here. May this one stay. Best of luck.

The question is how much does the op give his parents and siblings? How much did the parents contribute to covering her tuition?

Now, assuming there are issues shes facing, wat stops her from opening up to her mum? Ive been in situations where people have had high expectations of me and sometimes the only way out is to confide in them on why their expectations are truly unreasonable.

xevove2061:
How much do you give your own parents? Lets start from there.

The thing is the Op is not rich for Gods sake. Hes hustling honestly. You might feel hes entitled but hes just venting. Most of his giving is sacrificial in nature and sometimes he might actually feel that his own sister is ENTITLED, cos who does she think is bearing the brunt of the financial expenses?

@ op, don't get worked up. Life happens everytime.

spiralwedge:
You are stvpid for blaming your inability to read and comprehend on me.

Who overstays a student visa in canada for chrissakes? When you can transit to a PR? And, its not only about bringing the money, she can point her siblings in the right direction.... its not rocket science tori olorun.

like1:
If this is not entitlement mentality I don't know what is it. OP do what you can do for your parents without complaining. No dey look your older sister. If you no fit too, lock up too and stop being a baby.

Your sister sends 40k monthly, she is already trying. You re calculating how much is 40k in Canadian dollars. You are even expecting your sister who has spent only 5 years in Canada to be able to have enough money to bring you abroad. If your sister id actually who you say she is, it is obvious entitlement mentality from your side is a major factor to the way she behaves.

Because there is nothing she ever does that will be appreciated.

Moreover, do you know her burdens in Canada, have you tried to inquire? Does she work as a student? 20 hours a week? Has she overstayed her visa and not able to renew and now staying illegally? What is her status in Canada.

Sometimes, they prefer to spend on burial. Burial go come resemble wedding...

Mumusaphire:
hmm mm. U are right, but many people are just heartless. They won't change no matter what. I also have a brother here in Nigeria, abuja, our first born. Doing well, real big man, working in federal ministry of justice, abuja, na real Senior staff ooooo, that before u get to his office, u must pass many securities. To cut a story short, he can't help financially, he can't help getting we his siblings a job, or connect us. Even his wife also work in federal interner revenue in abuja, high rank also. Last too weeks, I was so down, even till now, but am just managing myself. I summoned my courage to call him because have knew that he won't help. I sent him message on WhatsApp with prove of my health. It was on sat that day, election day. He replied that haha, that i should pls give her till Monday, that he will run around to help me. I thought in my mind that my brother want run around on top how much. Even have spend more than 50k before I decided to msg him. At last, it was on Thursday my brother sent me money. I was surprised to see just 5k. So u can see many of them can't change, but just heartless. But they can donates for church to show off.

I know its hard but just remove your mind and do the best you can for your parents.

CosmicDust:
Thank you. On the last sentence, I really don't give a hoot about her existence. Only one of the kids is dependent at the moment, and will soon get out of it. My own is let us pity our parents at least.

How bad can she be doing to be sending 40k? Unless she has a drug habit or shopping addiction, she can definitely do better...

Well, we move! That's my approach to life. I have zero expectations and that's putting it mildly. Just remove her from your mind and please don't wish her bad. Take care

Everyday? I'm an ugba freak too but everyday, nah

That's also a possibility but I dont want to assume

shantti:
Have u considered the fact that the wife might naturally be a wicked and bitter person

Keep your insults to yourself. The guy in question has displayed enormous maturity but rude upstarts like you dont know better than being rude to anyone that has a different opinion. Again, I reiterate my question was never intended for you. Now, run along and get something doing

Justbehave:
Your question sounded so dumb. Shift abeg as if you don't know that she didn't need to be a bad mil before women like you hate.Answer my question nah. This shows you can do worst than ops wife for you to be asking such.

Im just interested. His mum sounds so nice so why will the wife not want her around. The question is not intended for you though cos everything is manipulation to the manipulative........

Justbehave:
All this manipulative questions won't help you. Just say the truth. If your husband doesn't want your people around for no reason, would you want his?

Waoh, the story is sooo strange? Was it a question of her being too religious for your wife and frowning at her actions or dressing? Did you have househelps or your wife was scared to be overwhelmed by the labour? There just might be another angle....

ozalogbo:
As I read some of your comments, I smiled. Let me provide some information about my mum: she was a born again Christian, a genuine one. She belonged to those holiness preaching denomination. She was a peaceful person. When I stamped my feet and said no! she would be the one to say no, my son.
She would be the one to say, 'What God has joined together, let no one put asunder'. And she would quietly take her leave, against my stand. That was a big problem. She would say, instead of there to be trouble in your home because of me, I better leave. She was TOO peaceful