GAZZUZZ:

There is nothing logical about this post that appears to be your primary response.

Firstly, the airport in Anambra is about an hour to Asaba, every day and "twice on Sundays"
What made rush is the man referring to exactly? What is the relationship between this mad rush and getting to Asaba from the airport.

I think that you should remove some of your post, they weren't well thought out, perhaps motivated by social media misinformation; the location of the airport is secure; the distance from the airport to Asaba is not 3-4 hours.

If you prefer to be dropped off at Benin, say so. We don't need any reasons. The ones stated are false and certainly not logical.

The man who sees the care of his family including his wife, as his responsibility, is ready for marriage.

However it is advisable never to marry a woman who sees her care as the responsibility of a man, that is, where you have not restricted her ability to work.

An adult who believes that she is to be taken care of should be kept at arm's length. If this adult holds this belief as an exchange for sex, you may as well marry a prostitute (it is often better to associate with people who know themselves and identify exactly as who they are)

An adult who has not be raised to be responsible, at the very least, for herself, is a liability, she is a burden to be avoided, she will be undependable, certainly not a partner, a leech at best, parasitic in all of its ramifications.

tollyboy5:
This lady made this statement on a thread. I would love to know if that's how ladies think so I can also update Elon musk chip in my head with the latest IA

The cause is low.voltage.
Some Discos have been installing meters that cannot withstand low.voltage supply.
Solutions; install cutouts before the meter and always have it in the line with the highest voltage.

Kennyswag:
Please help my prepaid meter is tripping off and on.

What could be the problem?

Is there any code i can dial?

It is an Actaris ace 9000 SP meter

Mods please take to fp

Legal action? Of what sort?

Well good luck with that. But if I have reason to accuse you of sleeping with my wife, in Nigeria and you decide to take me to court, I will proceed to make it a police matter and mess you up a little. I can assure you that the police will be very glad to makes things a little hot for you, especially if they are properly "motivated". Goodness me, they will gladly Bleep you up for "action likely to cause breach of public peace"

I mean, I could pressure that wife to actually accuse you of forcing her to sleep with you.
I suppose young men like you do not yet have any idea how bad such situations can quickly become.

Adultery is a very serious matter.
Keep away from these women and make sure that mom opportunity ever arises which would make their husbands feel threatened by your association with their wives.

Letuspray4niger:
Good day all, please I need ur advice

I’m the only bachelor in my neighborhood, three rented apartments. I’m in between two families, they both have three three kids each, they are all very nice people, they rendered assistance to me in any slightest opportunity that presents itself, they pack my washed clothes under the sun fold it and well arranged before I returned home. They always sweep my surroundings, when they are doing theirs.

One of them, her husband is not always around. He goes and comes once in a while, she will always like to engage me in conversation any little chance she finds me outside, knowing fully well that she is a married woman, I don’t give room for such familiarity, she always offer me food by giving it to her children to give to me. (Make I no lie I need the food cus I no fit cook) I’ll also get things for her children too.

I noticed her getting me food was getting too frequent, I started given her attitude and being very official with her, and she took caution.

The other lady is here with her husband, she will join me in my car if I’m going out maybe coincidentally. It happened she was going to my direction, also, there was a faithful day I left my apartment keys at a barbershop in front of my estate, I came back that evening looking for this barber guy his number was not connecting, I went to my neighbor's house to ask her if he knew where I can find this guy, the man was not in the house, the wife came out that she will lead me to the guys house, and me I don’t know where the guys lives.

On our way going the husband was coming back home, he saw us walking in the street of the estate, he confronted us and we told him, just yesterday I came back at about 11:30pm when this woman with her husband here came knocking at my door that her husband is accusing her of having an affair with me, that he threatened to send her parking if she dares disclose the information to me and it happened that I’m close to the husband, we both discuss about politics a lot, the other neighbor who’s husband is not always around also came out, I had to confront the husband why dragging me into ur family issues did u seen me on top ur wife, why this allegation? He said is his family issue that he will take care of it.

A this point, I’m considering taking a legal action against him for character assassination, did I do wrong for given my Neiboure’s mwife a lift Or asking for where I can locate the barber guy? I’m guilty of this)? The husband has the right to suspect, but since nothing going on between me and his wife what I’m supposed to do, should I proceed with the legal action?

Matured advice please.

Does a 2016 Camry differential require oil change as in older Camry like 2000?

In other words, you can live in an unkempt environment and leaving things undone but your husband cannot.

That's the crux right there.

Anyway let's start at the beginning.

You see, the first problem here is that you are training your child wrongly.
Babies may have their tiny personalities but they are often what you make them. Correct the tendency to try to either make him sleep in your arms or carrying him around while he sleeps.

That is the basic problem, because babies don't really suckle all the time, after all their tiny stomachs get filled one way or another.

That will free up your time.

Secondly, get things done the moment their doing is needed. I often don't understand, leaving dishes after eating when you can wash them immediately, not cleaning up a spill at once, not sweeping up something on the floor the moment you mess it up rather than leaving it for later.

These little, very annoying quirks of many people's personalities...come back from work, take off your clothes and leave them on the bed, to be put into the laundry basket later, remove your shoes and leave them right there, to be placed on the rack later. Take a pee and leave it to be flushed later. Waiting for our Nigerian water to color your toilet before washing it when you can leisurely do it after a pee with the toilet brush and some detergent.

They add up, make a mess and create a lot of unnecessary future work.

Keeping a house in order is the easiest job on the surface of planet earth if only most people are raised to take care of their mess at once.
Do that and perhaps half of the chores your husband does will disappear.

HE WILL APPRECIATE IT TOO. You guys might be young now and stuffs might be tolerable but if you keep up with mess making, you better watch out.

In the meantime, thank the hell out of him! Let him know that you see and appreciate what he is doing. That will go a long way!

Because going by the available data, the chances of problems occuring in your marriage just went up quite SIGNIFICANTLY!

Present day women may like to extol feminism but the fact is that they will never like to pay bills (ask the ones in the UK why they don't really like white men) and men don't like housechores.

Rubyjade:
From DM

Setting boundaries is quite fine. Nobody sees anyone who sets healthy boundaries as arrogant or proud.

If you are arrogant and proud, you will come across to many people as such. Therefore if people see you as possessing those qualities, then it is likely that you do.

Conduct yourself professionally, don't be rude in the name of setting boundaries, interact with your coworkers properly and you will probably be fine.

Having said that, one must recognize that there are people who are a pain in the ass to work with. They think that the work place is an extension of a friend's club where they can joke around and make serious people snap now and then.

That's a different ball game. And these people are not going to be "everybody". They may see you as arrogant and proud because they cannot comprehend, or pretend to not comprehend, boundaries.

But if a lot of your coworkers share their perspective of you, then examine your behavioral pattern.

elonmuskbaby:
Good morning nairaland ladies and gentlemen.i will go straight to the point.why do people always assume that every lady who sets boundaries and does everything possible to avoid insults, disrespectful snide comments, shades,minds her buisness and keeps her friends minimal but sticks to her job,why are such ladies seen as arrogant, proud, someone people should not move close to. some people Will even assume they know you so much as to give you unsolicited advice you didn't ask for, deliberately incite or bring drama or provocation directly to your doorstep to see how you will react and when you show your displeasure you're automatically labelled rude.

So my question is,is it that you shouldn't have boundaries at work,allow people to come to your office and gist endlessly and not have time to face what you are paid for, allow senior colleagues to Bully or intimidate you before you're considered accommodating, friendly and calm?

Abeokuta is assigned one coach only.
That coach fills up very quickly every Monday morning (or Tuesday in this case because Monday was a public holiday)

The people who purchased standing ticket knew very clearly that they would stand, NRC official informed them that seats are no longer available.

Like myself, often, they prefer to stand in an air conditioned space for an uninterrupted 1:30mins journey than to sit in a car without AC at Kuto market that most likely will get stuck at traffic somewhere while you sweat like a Christmas goat.

The lady you shared your seat with played the pity game on you and you fell for it. She knew exactly what she bought.

Presently it appears to me as though it is better to go for full cream liquid milk, preferably Hollandia full cream milk in that small 120g or 190g hard paper box.
For this amount, you will purchase about 380 of the 120g pieces at 235 per piece in JustRite stores.

Filled milk has a much lower protein content. It is filled with vegetable fat and is much less nutritious than full cream milk which is basically milk only. Its taste is certainly not comparable to full cream.

You will get a good bargain with Hollandia full cream yet land a much higher nutrient content.

Can you reference a source for this claim, I tried to find literature detailing petrol measurement as a function of the nozzle but couldn't find any.

Shoodboi:
I once worked as an attendant at a filling station. What this man is saying is impossible...

While there's usually fuel in the hose, that fuel is not your fuel. The mouth of the hose (the part that enters your car) has a small machine that calculates how much fuel is sold. The meter (the screen that calculates the price and liters sold) begins counting the moment fuel leaves the mouth of the hose and goes into your car. Not when fuel enters the hose.

In this case, this filling station appears to be out of fuel and are trying to pump out whatever remains in the underground tanks and hose into the keg. And you can see that they can't even fill a small keg.

With that said, I should add that filling stations can't sell air either. Instead, what they do is that they adjust their meter to reduce the amount of fuel sold. So, they can adjust the meter to sell 0.8 liters for every one liter displayed on the meter.

And this scam is never performed by the attendants because they do not have access to the configuration of the machine. Only the manager (sometimes with the instructions of the filling station owner) can do it.

The highest an attendant can do is to sell less fuel than you request, say sell 1000 naira fuel when you ask for 2000 naira, but you can quickly catch this scam by looking at the meter and ensuring the price and amount begin at 0 and reads up to whatever price or liter you ask for.

As for the readjustment done by the managers and filling station owner, the only way to catch them is to buy it in jerrycan. But once you see your fuel is not up to what you requested, confront the manager (not the attendant) and threaten to report them to DPR.

If the manager is doing it without the knowledge of the filling station owner, there's a high likelihood he'll give you some fuel to calm you down🤣🤣🤣 If he's doing it with the knowledge of the owner, he'll likely offer you a refund.

CuriousStudent:

You made sense alot.i can agree.

But the welfare of kids should not be tied down to "emotional satisfaction" and the rest. Feelings or satisfaction shouldn't be the reason to withdraw any support from kids. Or do women "feel good" or "connected" to the men before raising their four kids alone?

It is never an easy road for either couple,but it seems it's women that still fulfil their duties despite the uneasiness while men can take the royal walk when their emotions,peace of mind or whatever is at stake. This is what men accuse us of, "wanting soft life or taking the leave when a man money finishes or he loses his job".

Tying down a man support to his kids after divorce to his "emotional connection " or "gossip from the ex-wives" and the rest is flimsy.

But off course those excuses will continue to fly until the law makes it madatory-at that time you will complain of the law being man-hating or gynocentric

By the way I also wish the law should be flexible on custody. A woman should not be automatically granted custody.

Before such laws mandating the continuation of a man's responsibilities to his children are enacted as you suggested, It would be fair to first enact laws that mandate joint physical custody in the event of a separation or divorce.

I suggest that it become a criminal offence to keep a man's children from him or restrict or control his access to them any way.

With such laws balancing mandatory child support (which by the way, men go to prison for) things should work out fine for all parties.

I have always asked divorced women; if you want your father's child in his life so much, why don't you make arrangements to send him the child to spend holidays with?

I find it simply baffling. How is it that a person does not want to compromise but wants the other party to?

It is always assumed that a man takes care of his kids because he fathered them. That is part of it, in fact, but hardly all of it.

A man enjoys a deep emotional satisfaction from his association with his children. Their presence in his life gives it that little more.shine that makes life bearable.

Often, during and after divorce, this emotional satisfaction is withdrawn because the women make it difficult or even impossible for the man to connect with his children often. She hoards them or tries to control his interaction with them. (Meanwhile within mutual social circles, she may be reviling him for abandoning them)
It doesn't end there, many women frequently work to poison the mind of the children against their father. They would say nasty things that these kids tell their teachers and friends about, who in turn, call their fathers to inform them.

The courts also often make the error of giving the man visiting rights only. Preferably it should mandatorily be the children spending time with their father on all school vacations.
In my opinion that should be ideal.

Anyway, given this withdrawal of emotional staisfaction, in addition with an attempt to withdraw from the emotional devastation of having children whose minds are being actively poisoned against him, the man withdraws totally from the family and starts working towards starting another one.

It is a practical solution.
In my opinion, it is absolutely unacceptable, even stupid, that women expect to make things difficult for men in relation to their children, yet expect to have an easy time of it. Things don't work that way.

On the other hand, divorce is a period of uncertainty and women legitimately entertain the fear that if a man takes the kids, he may abscond with them or try to keep them away from him. That does not imply that she should follow the steps above, they can have an arrangement to make it work.

Now this does not attempt in any way to absolve some men that appear to be irresponsible.

Having said that. It is the same reason men hate the thought to alimony. Why should any man maintain any woman who is no longer his wife, provides him no emotional support or sexual relations. It is just absurd.

Guess what one the highest predictors of present fathers is; joint physical custody.

Once a man has access to his kids (I don't mean visitation) in a manner that the woman does not control in any way, he stays with them and takes responsibility for them.

Women don't want this ofcourse because it implies that she may not get any child support, they fight it tooth and nail.

So it is a 2 way street.

When I read stories like this, I laugh. The writer obviously has little experience with how the world works.

An affair with a married woman is nearly invariably recreational.

There is hardly a man who will pay a married woman's bills.

If she is a single mother and he intends to marry her, that is possible though uncommon. But a married woman? Funny.

The woman will have to seriously prostitute to be able to pay her bills from affairs.

Even sweet 16s runs girls in the uni have to work hard with several men to meet up.

Young ladies on this thread will be better advised to find something doing and be willing to take financial responsibility if this sort of situation arises.
If however you believe and wish to depend on the possibility that you will find a man who will take care of your bills along with a child or two....well the joke is on you

Dainy1:
This dude was missbehaving and not providing for his family, accordingly to the wife, some days, they goes hungry why the guy spend time outside not minding what's happening at home to the kids. So, instead of sourcing a means to survive, the woman decided to have a sugar daddy who is now providing for her and her kids.
The man is heartbroken and threatening to kill the sugar daddy.

Is there any reason to justify a woman cheating in marriage?
Is the sugar daddy the main target here?
What will you advise in this situation?

About 11 years ago I was like your husband. Not necessarily out of a job but I wasn't earning enough to get by myself talk more of taking care of a family the way it should be.

Wifey lives in another state while I live in Lagos and she earned about twice my take home and was actually good to go.
But women don't like paying bills. A man can pay 100% of the bills and nobody will hear a word but once a woman pays a percentage, the entire world hears about it.

As for me, by the time I was done with my rent in Lagos, power, tfare to work and tfare to go visit her and back, I was flat broke

I must have appeared to her how your hubby appears to you now.

The difference between myself and your hubby perhaps is that I knew I wasn't doing well and was looking for ways to balance the equation. So I would buy little food stuffs, cook, wash and clean up when I visit. Or I would find someone in that area to do the washing and pay her 700 bucks back in those days.

I tried always to balance the equation.

Wifey wasn't happy about the whole arrangement though.

Here I will digress, young financially unstable men must never assume that a lady loves them enough to bear financial insecurity with a child. She will swear that she will manage. But once a child comes!...forget it man, you will be harassed.

Back to the tale, she wasn't happy and would say nasty things. I had grown up in a happy home and never knew that a wife could say such things to her husband.
It was such a sad situation for me. I wasn't a dunce or irresponsible, things just hadn't set yet, I was just a young dude 2 years out of NYSC.

Here again, I will digress. When I want to take any action, I will always ask myself; what's the purpose of this action? What's it's value? What are the potential consequences?

That's because I have a long memory and I assume that people do too. If you kick me when I am down, I will never forget.
These are questions that you may care to ask yourself.

Anyone reading this might think that this happened for a long period. No it didn't, it was just for about a year that I tried to get my feet under me. By the time my little boy was past one year, I could pay for his creche, buy nearly all the food stuffs and pay for other stuffs in my second home.

But I never forgot the kicking when I was down. It made it very difficult for me to get over slights from wifey.

Fast forward to today, 11 years afterwards. I have a bit of money to my name. A lot more than a bit perhaps.

Wifey and I are going through a divorce. All the slights I just couldn't bring myself to forget have come to a head and I was just done.

I have seen what it will be like with her if I am down and it is just not a bearable thought.

My sex plug are 2 single mothers like you intend to be...so beware.

It is unlikely that I will remarry presently. I have no desire to create half brother/sister issues for my kids.

So I will ask you, what is the value of kicking your husband when he is down?

There are too many poorly raised people here telling you things you don't need to hear. You can identify them by their choice of words; useless, broke as men, stupid etc they frequently say.
They are usually unable to think beyond tomorrow. Maybe a week. They are rarely married and perhaps will not and have scores to settle with men.
They want to copy western countries. Unfortunately they usually don't read well enough to find out the consequences; such as the collapse of the family unit in those countries and the recent study stating that by 2030, about half of American women between 25 and 45 may never marry because their men don't want them, and will rather go abroad to look for wives or stay unmarried.
Or that marriages are best constructed in the traditional sense and always last longest anywhere in the world, in that structure (they appear to love to talk so much about woke ideologies)

It is sad that you are in this situation. I remember though that back in the day, our mothers plugged up financial holes when our dad's were not on their A game. And guess what, people rarely knew! They even told the kids that the money came from their dads!

Good old days. Before social media, before low quality education that has reduced the average IQ of Nigerians to 71 and rendered them unable to face life's challenges without taking the apparently easy way out.

Your situation is really sad. I know how you must feel. Perhaps you can let it all play out and see how it goes, perhaps you can opt out...But do not kick your hubby now that he is down. It never serves any purpose.

I wish you wisdom.

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

Here is the best advice you have received so far. Young people have no idea how potentially problematic it is to marry people raised by bitter parents in broken homes.

But if you ignore this advice then Of course, you should meet her biological father. When you get older anyway, you will learn to never believe one side of the story in marital disagreements.

xavuv:



If i were you,i would discard the lady and mother together. What bitterness!

They should let you go and see the biological father, just to show face and rub minds. Even the step father should come in and make them see reasons for you to go and see the real father.

Such a fiancee is full of bile, understandably implanted in her by her mother. That bile will still be there for you to wrestle with when your time comes.

She will show you shege.

How lucky you are to have such a close source for the resolution of matters of faith that are rather serious.
I have read a lot about such occurrences from the work of Ian Stevenson.
I wish my daughter is like yours.
Have you tried to find out if those people she mentioned are alive and can be located?

kekakuz:
My first daughter happens to live with her mum and i only get to see her Like once a week or less.

I have noticed that when ever she talks to me on phone, she talks like an adult. She says things only an experienced person would say.for example, she called me to buy 3 cakes for her birthday and I questioned why.

She said because the last time I bought her cake was for her 1st birthday and I have to buy for all the years I did not buy.recently, I asked her who is God and she said God is a spirit that lives in heaven and is on the water and he created everything from the the water.

Even though this sounds incoherent and funny, I don't expect such answer from a 4 years old girl.

Today, I called her to myself and ask her what of her mum and she answered "which one" I was shocked .

I proceeded to ask her how many mum does she have and she said "my mum dies long time ago and this one is her second mum" I was shocked to the bone.

So I separated her from her siblings and asked deeper questions even tho I didn't want her to feel scared. She also told me she had 2 othere siblings and called their names. Told me where she lived before and this is where I stopped.

I have always wanted to belive In Reincarnation and this is proof before my very eyes .

Guys what do you think and how do I handle this

@Nebes gave you the most solid response.
Respect is a conscious decision. Spouses must consciously decide to sustain their marriage.

It is perhaps, unfortunate that there are too many badly raised people nowadays. Once the infatuation declines, the poorly constructed persona surfaces.

Equally unfortunate is the fact that people do not know this at the time they are ready for marriage nor will they listen when advised by more experienced fellows. They learn much later, when the frying pan is on the fire.

Iamgodskid:
A QUICK QUESTION TO THE MARRIED FOLKS HERE
...
...
...
During the early stage of marriage, there's usually this level of serenity n respect for each other but as time goes on, the story changes n then over familiarity n all the sh*t that comes with it, starts to set in,

with the level of "over familiarity" involved in marriage,

how do u guys still maintain the honour and regard for each other despite having seen n known everything there is to see n know about your partner...

You know how people can be most times, they start behaving funny when they finally get settled comfortably with you,



🤥🤥🤥

Iamgodskid:
A QUICK QUESTION TO THE MARRIED FOLKS HERE
...
...
...
During the early stage of marriage, there's usually this level of serenity n respect for each other but as time goes on, the story changes n then over familiarity n all the sh*t that comes with it, starts to set in,

with the level of "over familiarity" involved in marriage,

how do u guys still maintain the honour and regard for each other despite having seen n known everything there is to see n know about your partner...

You know how people can be most times, they start behaving funny when they finally get settled comfortably with you,



🤥🤥🤥

@Nebes gave you the most solid response.
Respect is a conscious decision. Spouses must consciously decide to sustain their marriage.

It is perhaps, unfortunate that there are too many badly raised people nowadays. Once the infatuation declines, the poorly constructed persona surfaces.

Equally unfortunate is the fact that people do not know this at the time they are ready for marriage nor will they listen when advised by more experienced fellows. They learn much later, when the frying pan is on the fire.

Iamgodskid:
A QUICK QUESTION TO THE MARRIED FOLKS HERE
...
...
...
During the early stage of marriage, there's usually this level of serenity n respect for each other but as time goes on, the story changes n then over familiarity n all the sh*t that comes with it, starts to set in,

with the level of "over familiarity" involved in marriage,

how do u guys still maintain the honour and regard for each other despite having seen n known everything there is to see n know about your partner...

You know how people can be most times, they start behaving funny when they finally get settled comfortably with you,



🤥🤥🤥

I hope you have a prenup? Written by a divorce attorney, signed in the presence of both families, the event recorded on video?
If you don't, well, your dad hasn't even gotten to the necessary parts. Let us just say that you are about to place your entire life's work at risk.
If she refuses, leave and don't look back.
Your dad is an experienced man, for some reason I don't know, we forget how experienced our parents are. Talk to the man, ask him his reasons, the real ones and listen to them carefully.

concho:
Please help me brothers
My Toyota Highlander 2003 goes off after a refill .

Each time I finish buying fuel and turn on my ignition, it goes off once I try driving out of the filling station .

It happens almost immediately I turn on my AC

What could be the problem brothers ??

I bet it starts after a short while. It is the fuel pump. Once I changed my fuel pump, it stopped

JovialJune:
Well, easiest way to cope with in laws is to set boundaries before marrying into their house and never start what you can't finish, e.g I've never stayed more than one week in my in-laws house to avoid see finish, I don't try to over impress because once you stop what they are used to seeing you do, it becomes an issue followed by negative side remarks, meanwhile they've forgotten all the good beautiful things you've done o, etc.

Most importantly, set boundaries, again, be accomodating but set boundaries, be stern when they try to ride on you, and don't be a push over, let them see your strict side to know you are not a push over if not, oyo is your case, be humble, humility brings out the best in us no matter who or what we are, then be close to God, tell God to spring up the spirit of forgetfulness anytime they want to remember your case, the negative aspects, or cause issues for you 😂, it still works for me 🙂

This implies already that you do not see them as family.
Why should they try to ride you? Will your siblings try to ride you? Will you set boundaries for them? If you will of course set the same boundaries for your in-laws.
I put my mother on a monthly stipend. I also put my in-laws.
My mother will always tell my sister's, if you know how you treat me, treat your parents-in law exactly the same way. Perhaps your mother needs to have a talk with you.
It is best that when you want to marry, you discuss this with your potential spouse. For people like me who value family, inlaw or otherwise, if you come with attitude towards my family while I treat yours like I was taught to do, you will have to go find another person whose family is so discordant that he/she doesn't care.

You should not expect your wife to pay bills. That is your job. Just as she is expected to keep the home in order.
If she buys stuffs in the home, refund her in full.

Now the above is the ideal situation. If it happens that you cannot foot all the bills comfortably then you should have married a woman smart enough to have no qualms with contributing. You should also be smart enough to have no qualms with cleaning and doing dishes etc, in payment for her contribution.
So long as both of you are smart enough to not expect to get things for free, then with a little conversation, you will be fine.

But under your apparent present circumstance, do not give your wife an allowance. She is a grown adult who earns a living, lives rent free and bill free. Therefore an allowance makes no sense. That she expects it is somewhat off-putting. You will be establishing a routine that you will not be happy with.

Once such an allowance is peanuts to you, ofcourse give it to her. A GOOD woman should be cared for.

But why didn't you discuss these things before marriage?

Perhaps you guys should discuss these things before you start having kids. If both of you disagree, it is best to leave now. Because these things regarding money can be a real headache (a very real headache), if you married a lady who cannot learn (as most people are unfortunately, being of average and lower than average intelligence)

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting.

My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough.

I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get.

She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food.

Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about.

It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours.

My income is more than hers though.

Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

EriMma1:
No no no... You tell me?

A man who cannot meet your needs should not be anywhere around you because he'll only be a stumbling block to your progress and cause you to miss out on great opportunities that would have come your way through those who understand the assignment. Don't ever let such men around you.

I've never been an advocate for starting small with a man after my past experiences even before the economy got this bad not to talk of now that it has plunged deep into meltdown.

A lot of ladies who went into such mess in the early 2000s are still carrying the family till today while the men are struggling to meet up with no headways or hopes in sight. This takes me to the next point.

As a single man still struggling, don't ever brainwash or be brainwashed by any girl to go into marriage and manage with you until things get better. Y'all have seen that e go better has become the prayer of a poor man. So run away from such trap. Make it to a reasonable level first before going for a woman.

I don't want to begin to go into details of the eventualities that may likely occur and become very grave due to inability to tackle them financially. Use your tongue to count your teeth.

I remember a long time ago when I was dating one struggling guy. The aunty asked him a very good question I'll never forget in my life and that taught me a lesson I've been applying in life's situations.

He invited me to come spend the weekend with him that the aunt was around so I could feel relaxed. When I got there and the aunty saw me, she called him aside and asked him the following.
You know we are struggling to eat in this house. Your salary is not enough and you brought in a young girl. What if there's an emergency in the course of her stay, what will you do? How will you go about it? When he told me, I became scared and thought the aunt was right. I now remembered one certain time I visited a friend. So that night we strolled out to buy suya. I don't know if it was from the suya paper or the unhygienic environment it was prepared that gave me food poison. That night, I didn't know where I was. Serious stomach cramps and I was just coiling up in the room that day holding my stomach. Again this lawyer guy no get shishi to even take me to the nearest clinic. In his confusion he gave me garlic to chew. That seemed to help a little but omor, I broke up with him.

So, with this few points of mine, I believe iv been able to convince and not confuse you on the need to stay away from a man that cannot cater for your needs.

If you attack me, it shows you're a struggling guy or dating a struggling guy. Una eyes go soon clear. My own don clear tey tey.

Enjoy.

What did you mean by your needs?
Money to make your hair and nails, to buy clothes and fund your lifestyle?

If those are the needs you mean then why would any man even want to marry you?
What do you have to offer the man in exchange? Sex?

You would have to be in the top 5% of desirable women to be able to attract that 1% of men who can foot these bills comfortably and not feel like you are a leech.
So are you top 5% and are you willing to risk waiting for a top 1% of men? That's about an 80% chance of not finding one.

If by needs you mean a capacity to take care of the family: pay the necessary bills; rent, utility, food, car and maintenance, school fees, kids clothes, family health insurance, emergency capability, then that's fine.
But what do you have to offer this man? Because in Nigeria he is not entirely common too.
Maybe another 5-10%.
Can you meet his standards. Because no matter how high you set your standards as a woman, it matters little. You cannot go out to get the man who meets it, it is the man whose standards you meet that will come to you.

You are an adult, you should first be able to take care of yourself. Only then should you look for someone to take care of the family he would like to raise with you.

I believe strongly that it is a man's duty to take care of his family. But by taking care I don't mean buying clothes and funding the hairstyle, nails, shoes or whatever lifestyle of a woman. A adult who cannot do these things, offers nothing substantial in exchange and believes that it is her birthright, does not deserve a serious man.
Occasionally, it is cool to gift your wife things. Perhaps it is cool all the time if you can afford it. But as a prerequisite for a relationship? You had better have something to give in return...and it had better not be sex you have in mind.

Chances are that you will only be able to meet a struggling man who is willing to settle down with you. For most women that is nearly the only option.

If women were a little bit more realistic, they will know this. But it is the tendency of the female gender to overrate themselves.

Do you have any idea what is implied by130million people living in poverty in a country of about 200million people?

Dear lady, perhaps in a few more years, after you have realized that how slim 1% is, then we can have this conversation again.

I can bet presently though that you are younger than 25.

SporaD8:

Wait for it, "Why did he maintain erection?" and
"Didn't he enjoy it?" gangs will soon come for your head!

Are you unaware that rape victims frequently experience orgasm or other representations of sexual pleasure during rape?

It is a reflex act outside their control.

In addition to this is the fact that men experience up to 5 incidences of spontaneous erection during sleep.

It is a good thing that this happened. Women should be held accountable for rape. I hope that in due time, they will also be jailed for false accusation of sexual assault.

obinna58:
If she grew with a single father - considerable, infact it’s ok
If she grew with a single mother - run for your life

This is the best suggestion so far with regards to available statistics.
Children raised by single fathers turn out as good as children raised in 2 parent homes.
However children raised by single mothers are significantly worse off. The statistics on them is somewhat alarming.

Can you advise on a Mercedes model/year that is reasonably dependable.

I think the lists are fine the way they are.

I doubt that they are meant to represent the woman's value. I see them more as a representation of a man's commitment to the journey he is about to embark on.

If the virginity part is relevant to you, then find only virgin women or a virgin woman to perform the rites for.

The western culture made marriage very easy to enter...and very easy to exit, moreso for women who can always get a lot of money from the man and probably a new husband in a short while. The result is that the family is nearly an extinct basic unit of their society.

Here a woman will think thrice before leaving because there will hardly be any man willing to commit to such a humongous list on her behalf anymore. A man, also, will not leave easily because to go through this process again is daunting!.
Ergo we learn to sort things out rather than go our ways. We also learn to deal with the reality that 'happily ever after" is nonsense. Marriage was never designed for that. Its a union in which spouses owe each other and their offsprings certain responsibilities which they must strive to fulfill. Interestingly, when they fulfill these responsibilities, things generally work out fine.

I got married during my NYSC. Even then the only grace my in-laws kindred gave me was to allow me pay for these in batches.
This system is common these days too.
And I agree with it. I agree that these lists might do well with a bit of review to weed out frivolities. But I certainly believe that they should never be scrapped.

In reference to the economic condition of the country, the tradition used to be that a poor man who cannot fulfill this responsibility is aided by his kindred. This makes sense because a poor man requires external aid to care for both his wife and the eventual offsprings. His kindred, by aiding his fulfillment of the commitment, is tacitly stating that they will be there to aid him in caring for his family.
This implies that we need to bring back out sense of community, something that has all but disappeared from our society.

But marriage lists....they should stay.

It appears that I have an unusual taste in colors. Everyone has such bright sitting rooms

Kasssandra:




The problem with healthcare in Nigeria is money, and not bad administration.

(Note, I agree hospitals should be run by administrators).

Even if you replace CMD with admin people, it still does not change the fact that we need a budget of over 100 billion dollars to have adequate health care in this country, not the 3-4 billion we spend for this country...and on top of that fees are heavily subsidised...meaning hospitals cannot earn enough of a profit to fix and upgrade things.

We don't have enough money, and what little we have is spent heavily on subsides...including health care. Meanwhile countries with quality healthcare spend heavily...either from massive taxation or high hospital fees.

I happen to be a medical equipment dealer.
I can assure you that money is not the problem.

As an example, a public hospital would normally budget between 50million to 100 million for an XRAY room! They routinely make you sign off 10 million for a dental chair that costs one third of that.

I once lost a contract because I quoted the true cost of an equipment (specific reason why I don't do supplies in addition to the fact that you may never get paid) in comparison with another contractor who quoted 5x the cost (based on my quote, there would have been no means of settling the CMD and the board)

During covid, hospitals quoted 700k for hospital bed of 180k.

Money is not the problem with the Nigerian health sector. Concerning availability of resources, corruption is the problem. But in respect of its decay, management is the problem.

P.S Subsidy would entail a good quality healthcare system at a lower cost because someone else, maybe the government bears part of the cost.
It does not imply low quality healthcare.

P.S.S These huge quotes about how much we need are based on inflated figures which are equally based on the high cost of healthcare equipment and care in America and Europe which should not apply here (basically we don't share the same cost of living in the least. Someone receiving a 1 million naira salary here is a big man, while it is less than rent in the US)

A piss poor third world country like Nigeria will request that you supply no Chinese product. Only American and European specs are acceptable per health sector policy.

Having told you about this policy with a serious face, they will meet you later and ask you to find a means of changing the Chinese sticker on the Chinese product so that it can read made in England. Huge kickbacks for everyone involved right.

Moh247:




Doctors should not be CMD of an hospital, it's a managerial role... Babangida started this absolute nonsense

Almost all best hospitals in the world have Managers and executive with management skills not Medical skills


hospital administrators, patient care managers, and practice are all qualified professionals


.

It is the primary reason why our healthcare sector is dying. It will continue to deteriorate until that provision is repealed.

It is far more pervasive than the CMD position!

Professional administrators should manage our healthcare system but ofcourse Africans will call it envy and attack on a profession.

It is like making an Auto Engineer the manager of a car manufacturing plant because he knows how to repair cars. And according to them, said mechanic should also administer all tool making subsidiaries because they direct how said tools are used when repairing cars.

It is just terrible.

But I can't tell which is worse between the travesty of management and the fact that occasionally, when they go on strike, they list poor hospital conditions as one of their reasons. The fact they manage the health sector and predictably mess it up entirely then have the audacity to blame it one someone else is just stratospherically ballsy.

Eventually, someone will grow some sense and remove that decree. I don't think that the time is too far.

But the damage it has done so far is horrific. For clarification, in the 60s and 70s, Arab kings come to Nigeria for medical care.
Today Nigerians go to GHANA when they are seriously sick, or fly abroad if they can afford it.

At about 10x the normal cost with an excess of about $1.2B, it is a terrible spectacle of thievery.
Unfortunately, in Nigeria, generations of young people have become adults without ever experiencing good governance, hence the saying, "half bread is better than none"

Jeromejnr:


10 packs of what

Muscles. The standard 6 packs