₦airaland Forum

AstroG1:
Marriage is highly overrated for me,it doesn't deserve so much noise cus the reason most venture into it is because of procreation.



So to me,MARRIAGE IS AN OLD THING

seelawd:
yes for 5years now with kids

Chainsmokers:
Actually i wasn't able to share my secret life with my parent when i was a teen cause my dad has this judging mentality, in which what Ever you tell him he will use it against you so as my mum but hers was better cause she knows whenever she crossed the line.
I have already said it that my kids won't be treated the way i was treated

Reptyle:
So sorry to hear what you are facing.

Speaking from experience, I would say hang in there...it will all work out eventually.

I have come to realise that for most couples, the first 3 years is very challenging...especially for the men. It is that period of transition where the man is still trying to adjust to the fact that he is no longer single and he has to stop living selfishly.

It is also the period where the woman is all caught up in the emotional roller coaster of having a man she can call her own and doing her best to assert herself as the first lady...the only woman in his life.

I got married quite young and if anyone had told me that my marriage would survive the first three years, I would have doubted it. During that period, my house was a constant battlefield.

In spite of all of the upheavals, one thing was clear to both of us...we loved each other so we determined never to give up on the marriage.

Thankfully we made it past those turbulent days. It has been 12 years and I am grateful for how far we have come. My wife and I look back on those days now and we make jokes about them.

A few nuggets for you:

1. Don't stop communicating. If you have to quarrel, do so. But don't stop talking.

2. Always try to resolve conflicts swiftly. The longer it stays, the more it festers. My wife and I used to keep malice to the point that we wouldn't even remember what started the fight

3. Never move out of the house. Except if there is a threat of physical abuse, please stay and work things out. Running away from conflict doesn't resolve an issue.

4. Never insist on your "right". I know this runs contrary to everything the world preaches these days. But it works, trust me. When you got married, you basically handed the controls of your life to your husband and you took control of his. It doesn't necessarily take 2 heads to build a home. It only takes one good head. It is a painful and sacrificial process and everyone is going to call you foolish for seemingly bending over backwards to accommodate your husband's shortcomings. But I don't think it is too much of a sacrifice to make for a lifetime of peace in your home.

5. As much as possible, avoid outward interference in your home. The issues in your home aren't peculiar. But you and your husband are going to need to figure out the peculiar solutions to the issues. What works for one home might not work for another. If you must get advise, please look for someone older...not your parents. Most parents react emotionally and sentimentally in situations like this and end up misdirecting their children. Perhaps you can consider your religious leader (pastor, imam, etc) or an uncle or aunt who can look at the issue objectively and have the courage to counsel you right.

6. Determine and resolve within yourself that divorce isn't an option. I came to realise that the moment I struck divorce off my list of possible options, I became more pragmatic and determined to work things out with my wife. When you create an escape door, the tendency is that you will use it in the midst of a conflict.

7. Keep your marriage fresh. Create opportunities for fun. Help your husband understand that he isn't "trapped" just because he married you. Take him out; go clubbing with him now and then; dress hot and have crazy sex now and then. Invite "the boys" over once in a while and play hostess. Don't push them away, pull them in.

8. Become friends with your in-laws....especially your mother-in-law. Win over her affections with gifts and attention. Her goodwill towards you will be indispensable. If your husband sends you out of the house and you decide to leave, don't go to your parent's house...go to his parent's house. Sounds crazy, but this was one of the ways my wife won my family's support against me.

These are some of the general principles that worked (and still work) for me. Above all, be patient. It always works out in the end. Good luck!

Nwogeh:
My dear, kids full everywhere... That's why the place to talk about this is on married people's group.

Singles are not even well qualified to give marital advice cos its theory for them.... And we all know that there is nothing like x+y and x * y in real life. Na only theory we de hear am.

Chainsmokers:

vingeophysicist:
Are you igbo ? your name sounds like one.

seelawd:
bad advice u met not have a home to come back to it has happened to somebody I know she left her home for three months with her kids and the man went married another woman and disowned her kids for her plsss don't try it

Sierusvirus:
OPs,

Each time I read your post, it’s usually a one sided lay down point.

It also appreciable to you single and married women that thinks the only way to success is to sleep around just because you have p**sy or believeing that’s the only way to hold a man down to marry you or moving around with your vibrators for everyday masturbation pretending to be holy.

Mike respected himself while other girls where seeking for sex from him( Venita and other).

How many ladies did respect themselves in the house?
That you have a pu**y doesn’t give you the right to sleep with your husbands gateman, gardener, cucumbers meant to be eaten and t[b]he highest abormination, sleeping with your fellow woman(lesbians) . [/b]

If you are pointing a finger to someone just bear in mind that the remaining four are pointing at you.

The only way to stop casting blame to others is think deep before saying a world.

You women are even the worse in terms of sleeping around both the single and married women, the only difference is that men don’t hide and even talk about it but women pretend and hide all to present themselves as holy.


Think before you talk.

NonFarmPayrol:
Dear Nigeria women .you can also close your legs

That's how some of you sleep around d when your hobbies go offshore or travel abroad



Nonsense thread

bassette:
how you doing?

Ariza:
Someone should propose to Op already!

Peterosky:
.My beauty, it must not be staying in the same roof.But again, if it is socially accepted, we will all learn to stay in the same roof like it is done in the days of old. You are just pretty.

ifyalways:
Nwa Neni
Im happy to read this. The best is yet to come,nna. Jisie ike.

CodeTemplar:
Also of interest is the fact that many of us like the elder brother, serve God but don't know our rights or redemptive privileges, and so complain about that returning brother or sinner who God blessed speedily.

bassette:
Hi

Peterosky:
The truth about the matter is that women are more in number than men. The only solution to this problem is for men to marry more than one which Christianity is against. Until every body is made to understand that those who have the financial muscles and are willing to marry more than one, there will continue to be scarcity of husbands.

kenodrill:
This is savage I swear down....

sholay2011:
Well said OP.

And another revelation I got was that the original version of the bible that I personally recognize (KJV, and even most versions) do not refer to him as the PRODIGAL son. He is referred to as the LOST son. Calling him a 'prodigal son' focuses only on his spendthrift attitude to collect his inheritance prematurely and waste it, but the actual written name in the Bible (the Lost son) is from an empathetic perspective of a young man who seemed to not be thinking right, blinded by the desire for 'freedom' and material things, but will soon realise (hopefully not too late) that path only leads to destruction.

Till today, we choose to refer to him as the prodigal son as therein lies our judgmental attitude as Christians of today as we think we are better if all we do is just tell a little lie, change a little figure at our workplace, so far we are not demanding our inheritance from our Father prematurely. The major point of the story was being lost, and being found. Anyone that is not joyful at such result (and that includes the elder brother in the story) may have a worse fate in eternity.

ladyGKilaBCrueD:
stop being shy

psucc:
Your curiosity paid off. This is a great revelation. It will save a soul today in Jesus name amen.