₦airaland Forum

DEBJOCH1:
GOD BLESS BUBU FOR CLOSING THE BORDER, LET THE BORDER REMAIN SHUT DOWN TILL ALL OUR COLLECTIVE SENSE RETURN. LOCAL RICE COMES IN GRADES AND MOST NIGERIAN RICE ARE BEING RE-BAGGED AND CALLED FOREIGN RICE. IF HUNGER WISH TO KILL US ALL, LET IT KILL US TILL WE GET THINGS DONE THE RIGHT WAY, NIGERIA IS NOT A DUMPING GROUND FOR ANY COUNTRY TO COME HERE AND DUMP REFUSE IN THE NAME OF IMPORTED FOOD AND ITEMS.

Nat404:
No, I don't. I have nothing to lose when it comes to women because none is paying my bills.

Hey, you've really tackled me today.
Where are you from?

viccipedia:
haha Abeg no vex o... you’re not emotional, and sorry for dismissing you... I’m very sure we’re looking at it from two different angles. Yours is well... a good idea, while mine seems to be more realistic to me. That’s why I said look at the charts and statistics. The marriage institution will need a world crusade organized by tb Joshua, pastor Chris and all the fire spitting pastors to revive it... and I’m sure it’ll be a hoax. I’m sorry but your belief in the institution won’t revive it either. Look before leaping.

Wow!

A virgin at 35 as a guy, e possible?

cooooooks:
SO: Significant Other

Nat404:
That's correct. That girl isn't smart.

Nat404:
First, from this highlighted sentence, it's crystal clear you are focusing more on money, even though you tried to pretend about that. Not all rich guys possess good character, some are really awful but you prefer to date them because of money. That's "cupboard love."

In the West, what women women look for a man is intelligence first, followed by handsomeness, then height and finally, wealth. But in Nigeria, the reverse is the case. Wealth first, height second, handsomeness third and fourth is intelligence.

This is particularly why you can never be friends with Nigerian women without spending money.

If a man possesses the second qualities you talked about, without spending money on a particular girl, believe me, he can never score with a woman.

Fountainofyouth:
There is nothing like LOVE,only selfish interests.

Allsingles:
Thanks you for mentioning the old days, we are now in another century, another generation I must say.
90% of women don't submit to their man this days because they have automatically become the liability of man, 90% of youths are lazy, they want it very fast and easy so they can be famous and that's why Marriage this days easily break like egg, so many get married just to answer Mrs.
Don't blame anyone, because we are in 21st century.

Nat404:
Look, let me tell you, my cousin married a man who wasn't rich some years ago but now, are doing very well. The man is very comfortable and always thank me because then lots of family members looked down on him except me.

Crazyemberr:
I agree. But its not only men. Society as a whole has fixed down certain roles women have to play by. And over the years, people have come to think, wrongly that these duties will please a female more than any other thing.

cooooooks:
To not take up the sole responsibility of my SO's happiness.

carter009:
MOST MARRIAGES THIS DAYS NA SCAM......

AstroG1:
Marriage is highly overrated for me,it doesn't deserve so much noise cus the reason most venture into it is because of procreation.



So to me,MARRIAGE IS AN OLD THING

seelawd:
yes for 5years now with kids

Chainsmokers:
Actually i wasn't able to share my secret life with my parent when i was a teen cause my dad has this judging mentality, in which what Ever you tell him he will use it against you so as my mum but hers was better cause she knows whenever she crossed the line.
I have already said it that my kids won't be treated the way i was treated

Reptyle:
So sorry to hear what you are facing.

Speaking from experience, I would say hang in there...it will all work out eventually.

I have come to realise that for most couples, the first 3 years is very challenging...especially for the men. It is that period of transition where the man is still trying to adjust to the fact that he is no longer single and he has to stop living selfishly.

It is also the period where the woman is all caught up in the emotional roller coaster of having a man she can call her own and doing her best to assert herself as the first lady...the only woman in his life.

I got married quite young and if anyone had told me that my marriage would survive the first three years, I would have doubted it. During that period, my house was a constant battlefield.

In spite of all of the upheavals, one thing was clear to both of us...we loved each other so we determined never to give up on the marriage.

Thankfully we made it past those turbulent days. It has been 12 years and I am grateful for how far we have come. My wife and I look back on those days now and we make jokes about them.

A few nuggets for you:

1. Don't stop communicating. If you have to quarrel, do so. But don't stop talking.

2. Always try to resolve conflicts swiftly. The longer it stays, the more it festers. My wife and I used to keep malice to the point that we wouldn't even remember what started the fight

3. Never move out of the house. Except if there is a threat of physical abuse, please stay and work things out. Running away from conflict doesn't resolve an issue.

4. Never insist on your "right". I know this runs contrary to everything the world preaches these days. But it works, trust me. When you got married, you basically handed the controls of your life to your husband and you took control of his. It doesn't necessarily take 2 heads to build a home. It only takes one good head. It is a painful and sacrificial process and everyone is going to call you foolish for seemingly bending over backwards to accommodate your husband's shortcomings. But I don't think it is too much of a sacrifice to make for a lifetime of peace in your home.

5. As much as possible, avoid outward interference in your home. The issues in your home aren't peculiar. But you and your husband are going to need to figure out the peculiar solutions to the issues. What works for one home might not work for another. If you must get advise, please look for someone older...not your parents. Most parents react emotionally and sentimentally in situations like this and end up misdirecting their children. Perhaps you can consider your religious leader (pastor, imam, etc) or an uncle or aunt who can look at the issue objectively and have the courage to counsel you right.

6. Determine and resolve within yourself that divorce isn't an option. I came to realise that the moment I struck divorce off my list of possible options, I became more pragmatic and determined to work things out with my wife. When you create an escape door, the tendency is that you will use it in the midst of a conflict.

7. Keep your marriage fresh. Create opportunities for fun. Help your husband understand that he isn't "trapped" just because he married you. Take him out; go clubbing with him now and then; dress hot and have crazy sex now and then. Invite "the boys" over once in a while and play hostess. Don't push them away, pull them in.

8. Become friends with your in-laws....especially your mother-in-law. Win over her affections with gifts and attention. Her goodwill towards you will be indispensable. If your husband sends you out of the house and you decide to leave, don't go to your parent's house...go to his parent's house. Sounds crazy, but this was one of the ways my wife won my family's support against me.

These are some of the general principles that worked (and still work) for me. Above all, be patient. It always works out in the end. Good luck!

Nwogeh:
My dear, kids full everywhere... That's why the place to talk about this is on married people's group.

Singles are not even well qualified to give marital advice cos its theory for them.... And we all know that there is nothing like x+y and x * y in real life. Na only theory we de hear am.

Chainsmokers:

vingeophysicist:
Are you igbo ? your name sounds like one.

seelawd:
bad advice u met not have a home to come back to it has happened to somebody I know she left her home for three months with her kids and the man went married another woman and disowned her kids for her plsss don't try it