₦airaland Forum

Honest answers with reasons needed

*Why is so much value placed on female virginity than male virginity?
Are males not also supposed to keep themselves virgins till marriage?

Well, well, well...I have been getting many insults just because I made Known the kind of man I want. So somebody cannot have spec again, this Nigerian men. You are allowed to have spec, but a woman cannot have spec.

As a 10 that I am, some people still don't see me as their spec, because they don't like girls with flesh. Did I berate them for their choice of meat? No, because every mallam with his kettle, right?

Anyways, today being Monday, just before I go about my duties, I have something to say to both men and women. Come on, read to the end, you will find value.

So, my American boo told me yesterday that he wants us to be a power couple like Beyonce and Carter. That thing made my tummy filled with butterflies. I was even contemplating agreeing to do kitchen duties all the days of our lives. Yes, when you see a man who's worth it, you will do it.

This man sees me not as a child bearer or kitchen maid, but someone who can go toe to toe with him on building the kind of family life he wants. I guess, it is sweetest because we are in similar lines of business, even though he is in the U.S where things work and obviously sees more revenue.

But that is not the main gist of this post. The gist is, whether you are a man or a woman, you can build yourself financially, not because you want to be anybody's spec, but because you want to add value to your partner. Like, who would want to live at the mercy of their partner? That's no way to live, whether you are a man or a woman, unless you don't have self-worth.

How can one thrive in a third world country like ours? I have three step blueprint. It helped me, it can help me.

A brief story...

In 2015, I had no money except what I earned from the companies I worked for. The first company was paying me 30k, the second I joined in 2016 paid me 50k. If I remove my data needs, food, clothes, and other miscellaneous, there was nothing left. I was broke and always went back to my parents for handouts. I was a graduate by this time, so I was always ashamed to ask my parents for money. So when I want to ask for money, I would type long text, promising him heaven and earth, just so he doesn't feel bad that I am still asking him for money despite being a graduate and working.

Anyway, in 2016, I found a skill I had, that could be valuable to people and could make me money. I didn't really hit it until 2017 when I followed this 3 step blueprint.

Hey! I am not rich! Don't come and tell me I am forming rich. But I am financially capable. If I marry today, I won't be a liability to anybody.

Now the steps. Whether you went to the University or not, this three steps would work for you.

1. Recognize a need and fill it. Find out what people need and are willing to pay money for. A problem exists that if you solve, you will be paid for it. It might not even be a new problem. It might even be something people are already solving, but no one can do it like you.

2. Get the skill required. When you find the need people would pay you money to solve, get the required skill. That is what sets you apart. I built a business around my writing and digital skills, and made it successful, even though there are many others doing what I do. It is because I have the skill and I invest in polishing that skill and learning as much as I can. You can be successful as an akara seller, if you make the best akara. Only acquiring the skill can make you stand out.

Also, use google and find out the skills that are in top demand. The world is moving towards a technological reliance and soon many jobs will become extinct. AI and robotics is taking over, place yourself strategically.

Cryptocurrency is also a thing now. Learn it and invest. People who invested years ago are millionaires now. My VVIP clients are all bitcoin entrepreneurs.

3. Package it. You might have the skill and be the best, but if you don't package your skill and make it presentable, the clients with the moneybag will not come. I have worked with people that I ordinarily cannot sit at same table with, because I packaged my skill and made it professional enough. While some writers are still doing freelance, I built a company.

With these three steps, you can move yourself up the financial ladder, because at the end of the day, money is important.

Have a fruitful week.

P.S: If you like insult me, I won't be here to see it.

BatleFox:
Malu

smh

A brother has addressed this issue but am still tempted to pour my heart out.

When you hear me say that I need a guy who is financially stable, I honestly mean it and if you decide to calls me names because of that am so going to return the favour back to you.

To those of you who humiliates ladies by asking them, how much their father was able to achieve all through his life,I greet you. I personally, my father isn't rich and that's why I want to change the format, do you understand??

I wasn't born into this world for a poverty chain reaction

That my father doesn't have doesn't make it mandatory for me to be poor all through my life, do you understand me?? ��

But please note, I can reason with you when you already have something tangible doing.
Don't ask me to reason with you while you sit at home all day doing nothing than be singing reason with me up and down
You ought to have digged your foundation before I come to reason how to build block and set up a building.

With this said, I would love to introduce myself for the second time to avoid being muted for the third time.

Am Anita ( I will love to stop here so that when you slide into my DM, we will have something to talk about)

And please if you think it's fun and exciting to play with people's emotions,

Am out please

For people that shoot their shot, please take note

This morning on my way to work, I entered keke-napep, inside there is this cute guy he was busy eating his puff-puff (first sign)not minding who was there with him �, Uncle didn’t offer me and I kept a straight face, then something happened, ( you cannot tell Lagos drivers early morning that you have 500naira for a journey of N50 it is forbidden) that was my offense and I forgot to ask my colleagues if they have 50 to spare oo, it’s just this cute uncle and an elderly man inside the keke and something in me told me to make a move and ask him to help me pay N50, at first I wanted to disobey the spirit because of my ego! But then it kept pushing 5 poles before my office, I quietly tapped Uncle fine boy and smiled, come and see look! It didn’t stop me oo chaii(2nd sign)
I whispered please can you help me pay N50 I don’t have change and Uncle sparked, see this scammer Do I look like all those guys you will seduce just to get your way even if I have 1000 I won’t give you, ashawo kobo kobo, Chaiii and I had N500 this guy was insulting me cos of N50, I wanted to send him Amadioha but then I’m a Christian , I just kept my cool.

I got down out of pride and shame I gave the keke man my N500 and told him not to collect money from the cheap thing and to take the balance too, and the Uncle was humbled, he came down and started apologizing but I told him it was fine, I caused the turmoil.

Dear sisters, when they come sliding check well oo before you leap, it’s also good to know and identify your spec biko, that part can’t be overwritten..

For guys take note not all girls are broke and want your money, some of us just want care, love and attention.

One love Fam!

Hamachi speaks!

Easybela:
To hell with feminism

lilmax:
How can you be hypocritical and still be a feminist?

This is the problem with Nigerian women, they're not feminist in every way

When I see people say Nigerian feminists are bitter and blablabla and are not like western feminists, I'm slightly amused and largely annoyed.

In a bid to bash the movement, these idiots don't reason.

Western feminists have achieved a level of equality that Nigerian feminists can only dream of. We are currently in the level they were 50 or 75 years ago.

UK/American feminists are not bothered about female genital mutilation. Or child bride. They are not fighting the mentality that you need marriage to be complete as a woman. They are not fighting for landlords to rent out to single ladies. Nobody is slapping their asses in their markets.

The things on our priority list, they have conquered. Yes, they still have issues they're dealing with like pay gap and pink tax. But our struggles and our reality are not the same at the moment.

It's like when a rich man is complaining that he has only 50 million and you're looking at your 5k account.

That is why they can afford to not be bitter or angry.

You as a Nigerian/African feminist, you can't.

Before you say bitterness won't help anyone, well it helped the western feminists get to where the are now!

The suffragettes of fore protested, burnt bras and burnt buildings so they can be allowed to vote or work!! They were bitter, angry, even violent.
The kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and these women knew that.

How many of you have been beaten by a Nigerian feminist? How many times have you seen them protest on the streets or burn anything.

Yet you label them bitter. Why? Because they called you an idiot (which you are, by the way) on Facebook and Twitter.

These western feminists whom you love to compare us to do not have the same societal issues we do. They've been there, done that.

They're handling less weighty issues while we're still stuck on these painful matters.

You don't expect Saudi feminists to be as joyful as UK feminists. They are fighting for the freedom to travel without a man's permission. They are fighting for the freedom to be able to work. They are fighting for the freedom to live alone. They are fighting for the freedom to not be married off at 6 to a 70 year old man.

And you expect them to be convivial like their western counterparts?

It's like comparing a struggling entrepreneur in Nigeria to an entrepreneur in America and saying "Nigerian entrepreneurs are so lazy. Why can't they emulate American entrepreneurs and blow in one year or so?"

Do American entrepreneurs have NEPA, do they have to spend their capital on generator and fuel, do robbers waylay their goods at Ore? Do they have to settle tax force, union, omata, etc?

Nigerian feminists have since owned the bitter tag. We are bitter. It's the least we can do. We can't afford to burn your buildings like the western feminists you keep comparing us to.

And oh, I've found a good comeback. When they say Nigerian feminists are bitter and ruined feminism, I tell them Nigeria men are lazy and ruined entrepreneurship/medicine/law. I mean look at American entrepreneurs/doctors/lawyers. Why can't our men be more like them?

Are you explaining? Oh e pain you?
Very what?
Very good.

Ijeoma Chinonyerem

Chidera Nora
Rising Star · 9 hrs
My parents and I never agreed.
Being an only child, our bond was never strong. Maybe it was because I didn't like the way they looked down on me as a girl.

I had lost my two elder brothers when I was six. As enlightened as my parents were, they always say me to be a weak sex. Uncountable times, I heard them say they wished I was a boy, I heard them ask why God dint take me and kept a boy for them.

Nothing I did ever made sense to them.

With that knowledge and mentality, I resolved to being a stranger even with my parents around me, I learnt by myself how to be my own strength and stronghold, they never bothered.

At a tender age, I moved out of the house and stayed with friends and their families doing menial jobs and managing to see myself through secondary school.

To me, even when my parents were alive, they were dead to me. They on their part didn't care.

Even when they both died in an accident on their way from Onitsha, after the funeral, I locked up our apartment and threw the keys away. My reason was that, I trusted no one enough to hand the keys over to, so when I'm ready to use the place, I'd break the locks.

I hated humans, I lost my heart and sense of humanity, I was all I saw in a world full of billions of people. I swore never to get married let alone have a child. Of what use is a child that'd grow up to be like every other human? Of what need is a husband who is human and would definitely push you to your ends someday?

Soon, fate smiled on me. With the fashion designing skill I had acquired through the help of a friend whose brother owned a fashion shop, I was able to stand and start to make reasonable living.

Then came the turning point in my life.

He was my senior colleague at the place I learnt tk sew. More than a colleague, he became a friend and the brother I never had. It was through his aid k was able to find me amidst difficulties in a cruel world full of hate and contempt. He held me up, he showed me a part of me I never knew existed.

Maxwell upheld me and loved my shitty self unconditionally. He taught me that I was lovable and could love too.

I learnt that as human, I'm prone to mistakes and so is everyone else. I learnt that I needed to forgive so I can move and grow from my past which haunts me. I learnt all those through Max.

It's been two years of learning, unlearning and relearning.

I feel better, I feel loved and I sure love people now. I just can't wait to have Max's children. It'd be cruel not wanting to procreate kids whod surely have beautiful minds and loving hearts like him. The world needs more of Max to be a better place.

At the most lowest part of our lives, love is all we need to see the light. The most you can, show love because you could be helping a broken soul

As a lady, you have no business going into a relationship if you’re broke!

Date nights cost money
Good boxers cost money too you know
What about buying him deodorants?
Getting him surprise kicks
Taking him to get a haircut bills on you
These things cost money...
Buckle up!

Fabricated story

You are irresponsible.

Carbon2Oxide:
Nigerian girls and entitlement mentality

Billing their boyfriends things they cant bill their father

Shut up!!!!!!!!!

Sonfethopia:
Lol, if dapo does not marry you then you are the biggest loser o.

It is your family challenges

Chidex50:
This is your family problem. Rubbish! This is not a well reasoned observation

luwiizy:
bros abeg no vex for that babe for my sake... As soon as she done dey old for house her brain go mature

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Always exhibiting a questionable character.

wts ur own with her

iwantolive:
She is not my wife yet.

Then wife her.

Guys, some words of of advice.

Be creative in the DMs. Some ladies are running businesses or in corporate positions. They don't have time for idle chats that lead nowhere.

Taking myself as a case study. I get a lot of DMs, so how you send a DM determines whether you would get a response from me. I sift my messages into 'answer' and remain there. When you keep hiing me for three days, you will turn highlander there oh, because ain't nobody got time for that.

Guess what? I slid into the DM of a fine bobo some days back, not for shooting shot, but just to appreciate his handsomeness and the story about his experience which he shared here.I said hello and how I found him and my reason for sending a message in one message. Even if he was a super busy man, there was no way he wouldn't reply that message.

This basic DM etiquette is important if you want to find a wife or date or funmate on Nairaland oh.

An example;

"Hi Hamchi. You are looking stunning. I would like to make your acquaintance."

There is no way I won't reply that message. If I am too busy, I would tell you and ask to talk another time. But definitely, I would tell myself that this one is interesting.

Not every time 'Hi angle'

And please, no babying someone you don't know. That thing can be off putting. Baby is a term for endearment and connotes familiarity. It shouldn't be used for a total stranger.

Sisters, did I speak your mind?

It show you level tueh!!!!

Maestro18:
Abeg who sabi read? Help a brother, what is she saying?

Feminist and their bitterness!!

The world and circumstance of Africa or Nigeria to be precise today, has made it one of the criteria for a lady, before relationship even marriage. Now no guy wants to date a broke girl or who has no job at least, the first of their interest or question is what do you do for a living? This wasn't so in the time of our parents, men are trained to work hard to take care of their wife and family, even when the woman has nothing really to offer him, other than respect and care for him, home and children. It's well with us all.