₦airaland Forum

Lol I don’t even know the ish with Nigerian babes and not wanting to contribute equally to their marriage.

I find it selfish, good knows I for one would never marry a selfish person. E get why God call am “helper”.

Fugazy2023:
Na Samy Larry kill that guy. Nothing wet anyone fit tell me and you will hear the death of Sany Larry soon

Sad stuff mehn.

Even if the Sammy didn’t kill MohBad, with so much evidence of how he made life difficult for him. It seems the streets are not even smiling.

If Sammy values his life he would hide and turn off location or the bolded would become a reality sooner than we expect.

pocohantas:
No sane woman should do 50-50 finance with a Nigerian man in Nigeria. Not when she would have the kids and be left to tend to the home and submit.

Even in full trust and love, roles are generally gender-inclined whether we like it or not, it can’t be balanced. However that is the place of team-work. Even in office groups, there are people we carry. Team work is key, it’s for the party seemingly contributing less to make sure that they are making effort to bring the other happiness and lighten the burden.

@the bolded but this your comment took a dark turn. There are countless Nigerian men in beautiful marriages with Nigerian ladies and there is 100% teamwork, please renew your mind and believe you would be one of them (Job 3:25 - What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me).

************************************************
The level of toxicity here ehn, can alter anybody’s mind. Enough Nairaland for today. I don leave una

pocohantas:
You my dear. There is no correlation between my post and your argument so far. So, yes, I am mot doing 50-50 with any man.

Mr Acidosis was talking about balance and sharing roles equally (From rent to laundry). Most women won’t do 50-50 with their husband. That’s just the point

pocohantas:
The problem is people hate to be realistic. I also know someone doing business but everytime it is her husband paying staff. The business is rent free, so where does its revenue go to? Why not shut it down? She is a very domesticated wife whose input at home is very appreciated by the husband. What then is pseudo-independence for?

Can you blame Gabrielle? But the fact that people do not like to hear a woman say these things already shows that she shouldn't be doing it. ;
I am not doing 50-50 with any man. I would jump into a propeller first before that.

@Acidosis, this is from a lady. Now who has lost touch with reality between both of is?

The OP is asking for “sex” from his “wife”. He is not asking for heaven and earth.

Acidosis:
Lol coming from someone that has since lost touch with reality.

On one hand, you want me to believe that OP's wife lied about her complaints. On the other hand, you also want me to believe that a married man that lives with his wife can be denied intimacy for 5 years.

Make it make sense. Next time you want to sell assumptions, try balance it. You cannot activate common sense and reasoning on matters that only appeal to your sentiments.

If you have never been denied sex for 5 years (or even one year) by a woman you share a bed with, you cannot force me to believe OP's complaints while also forcing me to dismiss his wife's concerns. The two lies or truths can coexist. If you believe one lie, you SHOULD believe the other. That's how to make "highbrow arguments."

Talking about balance, You say one thing and contradict yourself like a slowpoke. Read the nonsense you wrote up there, if the roles were to be balance father takes one child and mother takes the other. She still have to work and bring an equal amount of income to the family. You feel OP’s wife would agree to that in her current state lol.

Anyways back to this your post, In other words you are saying the OP is lying.

If you believed the Op was lying, you should have said so and ended it at that. Not trying to create rubbish arguments from your stupid assumptions. making you look like someone that doesn’t have an iota of sense.

Simply say “OP is lying”. [fullstop]

Acidosis:
Now that you are assuming that it is impossible for a woman to work herself to exhaustion for 5 years, then I can also assume that it is impossible for a married woman to deny her husband sex and intimacy consistently for five years. The two exaggerations and lies can go hand in hand, don't you think?


Let the OP come here and swear with his 700k job that he has never moved close to his wife in the last 5 years.

There is no assumption, have you never cooked or cleaned or washed - if you have you know what each task entails. simple question: what does she do everyday from 8am - 8pm as a housewife for a nuclear family, Is it possible that she would cook clean wash every single day monday to Sunday, from 8am - 8pm? Assumption is the lowest form of knowledge, sometimes try common sense in your arguments.

Someone is saying for last 5 years …. You are still telling him to swear about what exactly. If it didn’t get to him enough, would he consider divorcing her or be here complaining about it.

You have stopped making sense long ago, you don’t listen to reason and you make very lowbrow arguments.

Acidosis:
Ask the OP to state the efforts he has put in towards addressing his wife's exhaustion.

Bold of you to think that only the woman needs to keep her marriage.

No responsible man would demand hot spaghetti from a tired and exhausted wife in the middle of the night when there are readily available alternatives in the house.

Well, I have never mandated live-in aides. Money isn't even required to assist one's partner. All it takes is some time and efforts. So even the poorest of the poorest men do not have any excuse..

Thank God the last paragraph of my post was there for you to read, you even quoted it. What men and women need to do things to make their marriage work.

Plus OP’s post didn’t say she was exhausted. It seem you are not reading or you are not understanding. It has to be one or the other or both, cuz how would OP’s wife be exhausted for the last 5 years. She just blatant refused to provide him with sex in recent years.

Again we have touched this issue of her being a house wife. It is not possible or logical to work 8am - 8pm every single day doing house chores for a nuclear family. What exactly is she doing as we speak the same woman could have her legs up a table watching TV. Only to still refuse her husband sex when he gets back from work.

Oga you have made no valid point, if there was no reason, she would have stated it herself in the last 5 years and the husband would have taken action to get a solution “All men are rational“. If she doesn’t want to do the duties of a wife, I support the OP in divorcing her.

Even the good book states it clearly - 1 Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again….

Oga Sometimes you just have to stop supporting or making excuse for nonsense.

Jman06:
I would not disrespect nor think lowly of my partner if she carries out her domestic roles without complaining since that is her own contribution to the family. If she feels the domestic duties are too much for her, then she should enter the street with me and hustle for the family's finances, that way we can have enough funds to hire a maid.

Don't compare commercial services to domestic chores because commercial laundry and catering services target large number of people while domestic ones are meant for just the man, his wife and a few kids (4 maximum in most modern homes).

Exactly my point. How many people is she cooking for? Is it the whole community’s clothes, she is washing? If its not then it’s logically that its not everyday she does heavy cooking/washing/cleaning.

Is it even possible to work round the clock (8am - 8pm) every single day doing chores for a her nuclear family, what exactly is she doing

Are there not women also working for provide for their families and also helping around the house. I just don’t want to say it, but she might be getting the sex somewhere else hence her disinterest in her husband.

Acidosis Is making seem she is doing something nobody has done before hence the reason she was too tired to give her husband sex

Acidosis:
I like the fact that you understand and acknowledge what every smart woman would do "to keep their marriage," but somehow, you are yet to bring yourself to the reality of a woman who is faced with the harsh realities in her household that take her to the point of exhaustion. A top CEO with staff at her beck and call is a lifestyle everyone would choose. It only makes the marriage easier.

You have also found a way of citing examples of very hard-working women, but somehow you haven't been able to paint the exact picture, as I am 100% sure that the majority of these examples you cite 100% get assistance from spouses, live-in relatives, or paid services. When you are ready to face the realities of the typical Nigerian home, I believe we will come to a better understanding. I have a 70-year-old man in my neighbourhood who does his own laundry both for keeping fit and as a way of relieving the stress in his family.

Anyway, when the OP is ready to make his marriage work, I am sure he will do the right thing. Right now, it appears the woman is also not ready to kill herself in the name of "keeping her marriage."

With your write-up, you had the missing ingredient at the tip of your finger but you still couldn’t point at it.

Can two walk together except they agree?. OP’s wife refuses him sex, what is he supposed to do? Force her? Threaten her? Beg her?

It is obvious she is not willing to do what is necessary to “keep her marriage”.

All these things are so little, I don’t know why you are viewing it as a great inconvenience.

I worked in multi-national then CEO (man), doesn’t like live-in house-help. He doesn’t like seeing anybody who is not his family living in his house. Chef, cleaner, driver, all come and go.

Imagine he wants a hot meal at night, according to your thinking it is too much for him to ask his wife to spend 10 mins cooking spag for him . Mind you his wife is also a top executive in another multinational.

Like i stated before the woman doesn’t just care or she is not smart, I won’t advise him to divorce but we all know what ought to be done. May we never end up with such a woman.

Men and women have to do things and sometimes make compromises for their marriage to work. In a case like this when one makes a decision the other can’t balance. The marriage is heading for a crash.

IyaTola:
is farming that easy in the north

Well it is relatively easier.

Cost of labor is cheap. I can imagine the vast amount of work you can get done on a farmland for just 1k unlike here in Lagos.

Land is ready available for a little sum you can rent for as long as you want, if he is lucky enough and can negotiate, he can get land in exchange for a little portion of the land’s produce during harvest.

80k is a reasonable sum for an up-north location. So that a enough capital to start and up scale an agric business in the north.

Speaking the language makes life easiest for him.

Acidosis:
You mean your mother works in a top management position in a big firm and she had all the time to clean, cook, do market runs, babysit two kids all by her sex without spending a kobo on house assistants, etc?

Well, I like to believe you; that's why I am wishing you luck in finding a woman like your mother in a digital age.

Working in a top management position isn't even the issue. My grandmother no go school but she had assistant at different phases in her life. By all means reduce your workload. Stress is not a flex.

Lets not make your mom a centre of this discussion tho. Op's issue is mainly about sex. I believe you would be responsible enough to not involve your mom in such discussions.

Logically speaking there are thousands of women better than my mom, they own corporations (so what is working a top mgt position) and still have their marriage. Anyways I am also responsible enough not to mention your mother.

Back to the point at hand, every smart woman knows what it takes to “keep her marriage”.

For some men, it’s their wife cooking (even if he is a billionaire and can afford 10 house maids), for some its sex. There is always a requirement because men would be men irrespective of if the woman is a billionaire.

You saying it like its one thing or the other, like she can’t work in a multi-national and give her husband amazing sex or keep her marriage. Which is a lie cuz their are millions of amazing women doing that and more.

What makes many women outstanding is their ability to balance many priorities. If she chooses to ignore it, in most cases the truth would be that she doesn’t care about you.

Acidosis:
No wahala. Marry someone like your mother. All the best.

You mean I should marry an intelligent woman that knows how to cook, keep her marriage all while working a top management position in a big firm. I pray I do.

Besides is she the only one that does that, is there any sensible woman with a functioning brain that wants to spend all her free time cooking as against relaxing.

Oga you don’t have any reasonable point. Sit down.

If they were actually stealing from the bus, I wish the bus had a security detail and one person was shoot at point blank

We say Nigeria is bad that the real truth is that Nigerians are not bad people. An average Nigerian would take any given chance to get ahead not minding the illegality involved.

Acidosis:
You no try, sir. You earn 700k and all you have to spend on your family with kids is 100k every month, leaving your wife to cook, clean, wash, do nanny work and market runs, and probably still do her regular job, and you expect her to give you hot sex? With which energy, please? The same energy you could have preserved by spending extra 50k on a good cleaner or cook?

Give yourself a heavy knock on the head.

What are writing, is it everyday you clean your house vigorously?

Oga when i was younger, my mum would cook for a whole month on one Saturday and put all in the freezer.
You don’t any reasonable point. Someone earning 700k in Nigeria, do you think he goes to work to play?? Do you know the emotional trauma some people endure to keep their jobs? Is wanting sex from his wife out of place? From the look of things she refuses him sex for an extended period of time.

Well I can’t advise OP

I would maintain my stance, marry someone that matches your sexual energy. You see early he/she doesn’t like sex and you like sex. Madam/Oga don’t marry him/her, leave him/her! Or it would end in tears

IyaTola:
morning Madam,

Please I need your advice.
I work in Sokoto but am thinking of relocating to either Lagos or Abuja for greener pasture, to go hustle and search for better job.

Please what your take on this.

From my NYSC experience, this something to actually ponder on. How much would he be earning in Abuja?

With 80k in Sokoto (if he is an indigene), he can easily buy/rent farmlands for cultivation of produce. If he is savvy enough, he can turn it into a multi-millionaire business within 2 years.

Paystack:
He looks guilty

Any accused lecturer in a Nigerian university is 99% of the time guilty.

He “looks” guilty?

Hmm i pray you never experience false witness in your life.

If the man’s actual guilty, let justice take it’s cause.

I have told the story of a girl that tried to black mail a lecturer during my final year university days, cause she knew she was going to fail his course.

I am against this nonsense woke culture of woman been being taken seriously without evidence, history has shown that some if them can be evil.

Left to me false rape accusers when caught should be handed the same prison sentence as rapist.

Usefulsense:
I earn a little less than, N1.1m monthly net.
I am a qualified accountant.

But you see, working for a private company in Nigeria, not easy bro.

You are a qualified accountant, you are valuable.

Oga don’t be afraid of change. Go and join your madam!

gaby:
This is evil.

Brother that’s just what is it.

When you think God burning a soul in hellfire for all eternity is a bit excessive.

Even with this global knowledge of hell, you still see things like this. So eternity in hell is well deserved.

Never put your lifelines in the hands of anyone, only God!

GraciousWords:
For PNP - page 1 FAQ 8
I would advise you go through the CRS grid on page 1 post 2 again to see where you may be leaving points on the table.

Always best to just get in the pool, people who have thought their scores were too low have got ITA in the past from being in the pool at the right time.....even with "low" scores.

French is a CRS booster as well......do you have a spouse who is younger but has your same (or better) credentials in terms of education & IELTS?

Thanks

I have submitted my EE profile. Hoping for the best.

ednut1:
difference between 7.5 and 8 in listening is 50 points .

Edit.

You are correct.

Thanks for your input.

Afolavid:
Your IELTS score would have been perfect with an 8 in listening... It'll increase your CRS scores drastically, apart from that, you should explore 2 or more certificates, French or PNP if you haven't looked into it.

But the thing is, i am just about 14/15 points from maxing out IELTS. At 401, additional 15 points won’t do me any good.

I am thinking PNP, I just need to know how to go about it.

I just submitted my express entry profile, my score is 401 (apart from age and my ielts score (7.5, 7.5, 7.5, 7.5) I have no idea why it is this low.

What are the options available to me to boost my scores?

I hear i can use PNP. How do I go about this? Ontario is on my mind but I’m open minded. What provinces are the easiest to obtain Province Nomination from?

Wodu89:
I never log out my accounts and it could say I'm online all year round. Doesn't necessarily mean I am always available for online activities. Relax

Nairaland doesn’t count your time spent online like that.

You need to have your browser/app open. So this person has been steady active, scrolling, clicking.

Nowadays i too don’t log out, i have been on NL for 5 yesrs and my time spent online is just 1 month.

Dangote is one of Nigeria’s major problems, I have stated it on this forum years ago.

The moment he announced his refinery i told y’all prices of fuel and related products would skyrocket before that refinery is finished.

Y’all haven’t seen anything before his refinery is finished, the stage would be set for him to recoup his investment faster than Uncle Abacha looted Nigeria

slimzypink:
I will get the divorce. Thanks .

And you will restore him to his former position, either by getting him back into Asia or financially.

Like I mentioned earlier you that you have issues making up your mind even after seeing the sign is your problem.

If you don’t get rid of this trait and have a proper thought/decision making process, you would just keep making one bad decision after another.

You can see all the red and even black flags you are still here asking questions when you know what needs to be done.

You didn’t listen to someone close, so it’s us you don’t know from Adam you want us to waste energy typing so you can ignore our advice too abi

It’s like some people bellful the next thing on the agenda is to cause problems for themselves lol. I don’t want to believe that this story is true.

By the way i so much dislike people that have difficulty in making up their mind. They waste other people’s time, effort & resources. Even God has little regard for them.

James 1:6-8 King James Version (KJV)
For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

Starships4u:
By leaving them!

You couldn’t have said it better.

You have only one life to live, why spend it with someone that makes it difficult.

Evestar200:
Maybe You are not her dream man

That Woman Married you because of Marriage pressure not because she loves you.

There is no way a woman who loves, Cares and has feelings will not like to do anything with you no matter how angry she is.

Torr. All the indications of lack of love is there.

He should just divorce her and move on.

When you talk about sexual compatibility some people would hypocritically shake their heads

If she/he doesn’t like to have as much sex as you do, don’t get married to ‘em.

Marry people that match your sexual energy.

addmole:
……

@Op I hate to break it to you, you are staring down the barrel of divorce. Plus you wife is even lacking wisdom required to handle the matter.

Remove all resentment, sit her down, table the matter and initiate the divorce conversation, assess her expressions closely.

Smh. People we should gather in one hall and open fire on from all angles for the hundred and thousands of innocent souls, killed, maimed and displaced

Nigerian would be on its way to being great again, when we stop negotiating with terrorists.

I have mentioned it times without number, Nigeria is a secular country.

We need to stop tolerating intolerant religiosity.

They come at innocent people exercising their constitutional right to choose their religion, the community should rise up and come for them Tit for tat