₦airaland Forum

IAmOged:
Take ur time to read
solution to the conundrum that a lot of guys face: why does it look like girls like guys that don't give a shit about them?
The usual answers are simplistic: girls want what they can't have; aloof guys look like they have higher value; aloof guys seem more interesting or mysterious, etc… All of these answers are right to a degree, but they dont tell the whole story. So I came up with my own explanation:

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Needy Love: Our society exalts love as the greatest good, the pinnacle of human life, etc… But the problem is that our society sees “love” as purely an emotion.
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What our society calls love I call needy love, defined as a set of ultimately selfish emotions including the desire to have sex, the desire for physical affection, the desire for an ego boost, the desire for validation, etc… This is not a complete list, but the specific emotions are not important – the point is that these emotions are selfish in that they consist of YOU wanting something from the other person without regard for what they want.
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There are, of course, other conceptions of love: the Bible (and many other traditional societies) saw love as a contract between two parties that has little to do with emotion. But our society sees love as purely emotion without the accompanying obligation – when your “emotions” run out, you’ve “fallen out of love” and you can go find somebody else with no consequences.
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The emotions that make up “needy love” are our strongest emotions, so needy love hijacks our thoughts and convinces us we have a deep connection with the other person. People don’t think “Wow I am under the influence of a bunch of extremely strong chemicals in my brain” but instead think “this is my soulmate.”
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That is why “love” is the subject of countless poems, movies, love songs, etc… and an object of worship in our society.
Needy love emotions are different for men and women. Women, for example, feel a strong attraction to “confident” men, whereas men, although they like confident women, don’t have the same emotional reaction to confidence. Men, on the other hand, place more weight on physical appearance than women do. Overall, the checklist that has to be satisfied for women to fall into needy love is much longer than men’s, which is part of the reason women take longer to fall in love and are more“flaky".
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The reason relationships are so hard is that just because you feel needy love towards a woman doesnt mean she feels the same needy love back – they have a different process going on in their brain.
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One of men’s strongest needy love emotions is their overwhelming desire for sex right away, so men “fall in love” and emotionally over-invest in a relationship much quicker than women. Thats why men are a lot more likely to be “creepy” than women –their “needy love” emotions activate much quicker. However, the needy love emotions are much stronger in women and once a woman “falls in love” she is much more likely to become clingy and needy.
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Negative needy love: Here is the dark side of needy love: while the needy love emotions make you feel good for a while, they have an incredibly destructive negative component. Feelings of attachment, sexual desire, acceptance, etc…, can quickly change to neediness, depression, desperation, loneliness, anger, resentment, etc… if the person rejects you. Needy love is like crack – the highs are amazing, but the lows are terrible.
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The Greek philosopher Plato wrote that “erotic” love is ultimately dangerous because it makes you irrationally value a person when they like you, and then irrationally hate them when they don’t. As we all know, love can literally drive a person crazy and cause one to become violent, stalk somebody, fall into deep depression, etc… “Love” has ruined countless people’s lives.
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On a subconscious level everybody knows that a person in the grip of needy love is basically insane.
Vicarious emotions Human beings have a weird ability to feel emotions vicariously through other people. For example, if you see a guy get hit by a car, you feel “bad” for him because you FEEL as if you yourself got hit by a car,. You don’t logically think to yourself “oh that must suck to get hit by a car.”. The Scottish philosopher Adam Smith said the basis for human sympathy is the fact that we feel through the eyes of the others. Thats why you oftentimes don’t have sympathy for people experiencing problems you havent experienced.
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One reason needy love so intense is that you feel the other persons emotions vicariously: not only do you feel your own emotions towards them, but you also literally enter their mind and feel their emotions towards you, so being in love is like an infinite loop of emotions. You love them, you feel them loving you, you then feel them feeling you loving them, etc… It’s insane and part of the reason why “love” is such a complicated mindfuck. But beware: YOU CANNOT ACTUALLY READ THEIR MIND SO YOU PROJECT EMOTIONS ONTO THEIR BRAIN THAT THEY MAY NOT HAVE.
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The main point of this article and the reason why women like men who dont give a shit about them is this: Women are disgusted by needy love. If a woman sees a guy displaying the needy love emotions, she immediately become turned off because she vicariously feels that he is becoming crazy.
She knows that the man WANTS something (not just something, A LOT) from her. This puts pressure on her because now somebody's happiness is dependent on her. She knows that he is constantly thinking about her and if she bleeps up even a little (i.e., forgets to call him back, says something weird, etc…)
he will become angry and disappointed. The bleeped up thing is that we Ladies feel all this subconsciously, so they don’t really know why they are getting turned off: they just know that the guy is doing something that is repelling them.
All women have felt needy love before so when they sense it in somebody else they know exactly what is going on.
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[color=#000055]However, women feel needy love on a much stronger level than men. One thing I have noticed is that the clingiest/neediest women oftentimes give out the harshest rejections – it makes sense: these women reject guys the hardest because they themselves know full well know what its like to be needy and they know its terrifying.
Also, because the needy love emotions are at the forefront of womens minds,
a woman can sense needy love in a guy when he himself doesnt even see it. Worse yet: super attractive women have so many men fall in love with them that they may assume a man is displaying needy love to them even if he isnt.

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Some women (especially women that get hit on a lot) interpret simple, everyday actions by the guy (having polite conversation, buying them a drink) as insane needy love – remember we said that vicariously feeling emotions doesn’t mean that you will actually know what they are feeling. If you're a super hot girl like me in Nigeria in 2016, you have tons and tons of people displaying needy love towards you: the cashier at the Mall,store, your 15 ex-boyfriends who can't get over you, other girls who are jealous of you/want to be you, etc… A person who is genuinely emotionless towards you is a breath of fresh air.
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Finally, beyond the subconscious level, women are turned off by needy love because needy people are just not fun to be around. They agree with everything you say, don’t say anything interesting/provocative, laugh at all your jokes, and don’t challenge you/call you out on your bullshit. Basically you are useless. Furthermore, people under the influence of needy love act irrationally, talk stupid, act creepy, and display more negative emotions (jealousy, disappointment) than positive ones.
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Please keep in mind that our brains can subconsciously pick up a person acting out of needy love, and the signs are often very subtle. Imagine a person saying “hey how are you”? A person can say those same words as a merely nice guy, but another person acting out of needy love will betray their neediness in their body language, tone of voice, eye contact, etc… On a logical level there is no difference, but your subconscious emotions will be able to pick up that the person is displaying needy love.
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That’s why a lot of guys fail when they pretend to not give a shit – they have to actually not give a shit. It is a very delicate dance to not display needy love – you need to carefully choose your words, and you need to monitor your subject closely to see if you are freaking her out. You can be having an amazing time all night but then the slightest nudge of needy love freaks her out and sends her running.
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The point remains: sometimes even a subtle, slight bit of neediness puts the subject on the defensive. Remember, freaking out over needy love is a subconscious process so she may THINK she like you but she feel revulsion if you are being needy.[/color]
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DONT GIRLS WANT TO BE LOVED?
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Well… Not exactly. What women really want is a guy THEY CAN LOVE.As a guy, you need to just get out of the way and let her love you and not say or do anything to Bleep it up. Remember, needy love emotions are selfish, so a girl will send needy love to you all day but then freak out when you send that same needy love back. Of course, girls want certain things from guys, like attention, somebody who will listen to them, sex, etc… Its ok to give those things in the right times and right amounts. But the full panoply of needy love emotions often freaks them out, especially if the guys needy love is stronger than theirs. Another way to put it is this: women want to be loved on a logical level: they want a guy who is attentive, cares about them, isnt needy, isnt selfish, and isnt an asshole.
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Ladies arent impressed with needy love. Also, girls know that the needy love emotions are temporary and wildly fluctuate, so a guy who is under the spell of needy love could easily fall in “love” with another girl tomorrow and leave alone.
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One thing I’ve noticed is that the most “slutty” girls post the most quotes about “love” on their Nairaland profile, Facebook page etc.
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Why is this? They can’t control their emotions and live in a world of needy love, and needy love doesnt actually care about the actual person you love. When somebody else tickles your emotions you move onto them and forget the first person you were needy loving. If you love a girl “logically” you are actually doing her more of a service than if you love her with needy love. Logical love is more solid and pure than needy love.
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So what should a man do? If you want to get a girl to like you, talk to her, be nice to her, joke with her, etc… But just don’t display the needy love emotions. Treat the girl like any other dude you know. Don’t say anything that implies that you “need” anything from her, don’t stare at her too long, don’t follow her around, don’t demand her attention, dont do things for her, etc… If you're out with her, dont make her feel “responsible” for you – make her feel like you could totally walk away and do your own thing and it wouldnt bother you.
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In fact, you should err on the side of slightly being a “dick” because a lot of really hot girls will interpret normal behavior as needy love. It will be hard, because you’ve been taught by society (i.e.,telemundo, romantic comedies and Disney movies) that the way to court girls is to kiss their ass and tell them all about your deep and passionate needy love. And of course your emotions are going to want to make you act needy. Control your emotions! Another danger is that the girl will start showing interest so you will think “its ok for me to start showing needy love now.” No!! Needy love is always bad, and just because you've been making out and staring into each other's eyes doesnt mean its ok to bring out your needy love.
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After some practice, you will be able to snap out of it..
But wont I friendzone myself?
Good question.
Yes, if you completely act emotionless around a girl, we may think you are uninterested. So you need to do 2 things:
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1) Tell Us you are interested. Ask us on a date. A lot of guys are afraid of asking girls on dates because they don’t want to look needy, but if you can ask a girl on a date without displaying needy love you will intrigue and excite her. Its a great deal for her! She can get all the fun and excitement of a date without the burden of dealing with a guy that wants a bunch of shit from her, and
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2) Do all the things you've learned on Nairaland romance section, ashewo bear parlor thread/harddon thread: eye contact, deep, intelligent conversations, kino, escalate, etc… It is possible to do all these things without showing needy love. You may ask: how can one escalate with we ladies sexually without making it look like you want to Bleep Us … well, its an art...sortta push-pull method.
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bashers should backoff....

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CC: Happyjerk, WuOjo, wufredojo
Wildflame

dis is gud, u ar gud... des stuff comes naturally to players, dats why de ar called players... i will copy n send it to one of my "student"

i dont knw d pple putting GOT in same league wit 24. truth be told, d best season movies i av seen, notin come close to GOT.

dat dude lookin for movies to see des ar mine:

GOT

prison break

spartacus

legend of seeker

big bang theory

2 n a half men

24 (became boring tho)

Gotham (also became boring)

den one psychic film about red john (i av forgotten d name) became boring too

permit me to add: "the wedding party" (nigerian comedy) i swear from begining to end u wont be bored...

pls i need psychic films (sumtin intense dan d one i stated above)

DropShot:
You have not made sense and you know it.

u won't see sense in it cos u have no sense, u av bin programmed in computer codes...

ISDKING:
They paid him just 150 thousand naira because he's a commoner. I really pity average Nigerians.

how much slap dem slap am? make dem give am state budget?

DropShot:
NFF and the Minister of Sports are a bunch of joke.

PMB needs to fire some dead woods in his cabinet straight away.

Dalung and Babchir Lawal come to mind as imminent casualties.

u zombies will blame anytin else outside d dull buhari...

we knw ow it works: "make d pple believe buhari isn't aware, cast d blame on dalung n d NFF n continually give pple d believe dat buhari is a saint n its d pple around him or cabal dat are sabotaging his effort..."

guess wat

it doesn't work for us all.

igraman:
why showing unnecessary empathy to the man..

what's spectacular about him
so because he's 44 now.. he's special tohawk or be a student ?
Nigerians sha.
Man of the year kor... as if he propound a theory that can solve recession.

ur twisted brain.

dis man is an epitome of dignity in labour, dis is some father, husband, brother n uncle trying to put fud in d plates of his dependants, des pple shud be celebrated, de shud be given awards by our media outlet, to encourage pple hu ar doin every tin legal to sustain demsefs n dia family...

u see sumtin, d war is against corruption would av since bin worn, if d media houses downplayed d news of pple hu ar looting n hyped d news of pple hu ar honestly working n earning, just as d case of olajumoke.

I tink d man in his neatness n struggle shud be given sum kind of recognition....

princetom1:
In another words, u see nothing wrong in a pastor living extravagantly?

dat is ur statement not mine...

beautyerhu86:
Nigerians hate the truth. If you look at those defending the pastor, it's most likely they have not eaten for days because they were told to fast and pray meanwhile the pastor eats more than once a day. The gullibility of so many worshippers of pastors is really becoming too much and they need a spank on the head with a hammer.

is it d pastor dat built d drainage or he is d one dat opened d slab? is he d teacher of d child hawking or d parents of d hawking child? is he d govt?

I bet u av some one around u hu is hungry, yet u ar using a high class fon to browse. y not sell ur fon to feed d hungry, den u can resort to letter writing....

idupaul:
Innocent Christians died yet all the corrupt politicians made it out alive.... I still dont understand how this concept of religion works

honestly, buhari n tinubu shud av being killed it... corrupt polithiefians...

mrblessed:
I have seen someone in the same wavelength as I am. My brother, Nigerians are just terrible set of people. Majority of those accusing the federal government for imaginary neglect did not know that this man had his education abroad, while some of them have never been to the airport.

he was sponsored by community effort to study abroad n drew a silly flag, n want we dat schooled here in Nigeria to feed n take care of him at his old age... wat nonsense ar u talking?

were is d education he gained abroad? or its a periodic propaganda to beg from d federal govt each tym dia is a new regime...

my friend pack joor, If he de find money, na him mate de hawk donot...

ammyluv2002:
Seriously? Nigeria flag looks ugly? Did he force it down on anyone's throat? The FG willingly accepted it

Secondly, there's a lot of difference between me and that man. He's a national hero and a senior citizen...these set of people are well respected even in that same American you've just mentioned. I'm not a national hero yet, and I'm no where close to being a senior citizen so you see the difference? It's 7up!

Thirdly, there's nothing like self pity here. Maybe you should check how other countries of the world treats their heroes then compare it with the life that man is living right now.

since u pple ar always crying for dem to recognise him, wat av his state govt done? wat av d Yoruba elders done? u keep pushing awolowo, abiola, Soyinka, tinubu on d throat of d rest of Nigerians as hero's whereas u call our own heroes corrupt? u must be a case study in d mental asylum.

hu honored Samuel okwaraji? hu honoured boro? hu honoured ovadje? wat of d Ogoni 9? Yoruba's shud honour dia heroes n let Nigeria rest. don't force ur heroes on d rest of Nigeria.

d flag has no meaning or relation to d struggles of Nigeria. wen u see d black star in d Ghanaian flag, don't u see a message being pass across?

Yorubas u pple shud tink for Nigeria n not ur selfish selves....

tank u.

in delta state, it is common tin/ event for vehicles to crush pple, especially children goin to school.

in d last 5 months, at least 4 children av died whilst trying to cross d road to ekpan primary n secondary school. whilst a minimum of 10 av sustained various degree of injuries.

at sapele road just by mechey turning at least 3 children were crushed to death by a Dana carrying pure water

last year 5 children goin to fgc along airport road were crushed to death by a woman making a phone call.

des ar d ones I can confirm, cos I was dia or got info from reliable onlookers.

@ ossaisuccessovie tell ur paymaster okowa to contact d FRSC or ispon let's see how our kids can go to school n come bak safely.

more ova were ar d buses uduaghan said he made available for school children?

Delta state n scam govt be like?

Oladokunst:
There is cobra in Nigeria,infact Ibadan. I have seen a live cobra before, when we first moved to our new house back then in 2001. It was very common then. And local hunters have a way of catching it alive. I am 100% sure of what I saw. It has lot of beautiful colours on it flat head and neck

abeg leave dat ignorant man, he has just mis-inform pple who read n liked his statement.

there ar more cobras in Nigeria dan black mamba (dats if there ar any).

d easiest way to know a cobra, is its crested double coloured under neck, d second n most distinctive trait is its ability to raise head n spread its head in a hoodlike manner in attack.

a black mamba isn't necessarily black, infact its name black mamba is gotten from its inner mouth which is black. it can be called a black or smiling mamba. I watched a documentary wen dis snake killed a lion n crawled away.

GossipHeart:

The name of the snake is Black Mamba

You don't wanna come in contact with that evil

In 2009, i did an experiment with the poison extracted from it's mouth, i mixed it with human blood, the result was scary, in just 2 minutes, it froze the blood

And for the people saying that it's a king cobra, how old are you guys ?? Even a 4 year old kid can tell you how cobras look like but you guys stupidity is amazing

Cobras have flat hooded heads

There are scarcity of cobras in Nigeria

The only cobra you will find in Africa is the black-necked spitting cobra, and it's only in Mozambique

The second picture i will attach is how a cobra looks like

chairman, ur ignorance strong o, see how u talking n insulting pple wit so much confidence whereas u knw notin.

to properly inform u, dat snake is a cobra not a black mamba. u better go watch nat geo wild n stop watching Africa magic.

tanks @ sodia for the tips, pls I do get sum annoying ads pop up on my screen, I av deleted d only apk file I av n it still pops up especially on my lock screen, pls how do I solve des problem?

notable among des pop up is jumia, jiji, n many others.

pls help..

some tyms ehn, I don't blame d ladies, many men ar always quick to want to assist a damsel in distress without considering dia own safety... during d tym or period Mr. G was wooing her, he shud av known he was only second best.

honestly, I once handled a situation similar to dis, afta my cousin n I av drilled Mr. L to our satisfaction, we invited our sister n told her to bring Mr. L for introduction, my pple till today 4yrs n counting we Neva see dem 2 again...


if women continually act d nonsense de see on zeeworld n telemundo, hmmm men will act wat de see on wrestlemania n Kruger park...

nurusystem:
even south african no recogniz GEJ you c
om they advise USA,tell ur boys to stop
vanderlism. still inexperience, instead you shuld tell nigeria to forgiv you for mismangement..,

u ar sounding very bitter, I tink u ar taking dis gej's issue very personal.

remember d world is not getting decayed cos there ar evil pple, d world is getting decay cos d gud pple refuse to speak. I believe if afta f 2011 elections wen buhari lost, if he had come out openly to condemn d violence dat ensured, d youth corps who died may not av bin killed...

or don't u agree?

TonyeBarcanista:
Where was this man when NDA was bursting pipeline in Ijawland?

Where was Jonathan when politicians turned Rivers state to Rivers of blood?

Where was Jonathan when Shia were killed by his government (in 2013) and Buhari government in 2015 simply because they did peaceful procession?

Jonathan, please mind your business! You have no opinion in American Affairs.


Aproko

wat u said here is so much a foolish talk n smells of sycophancy. hu eva is paying u is not doin u gud.

gej didn't speak cos he is so much in America n dia issues, ye spoke cos he is interested in democracy n d rule of law. he has spoke as a democrat.

snazzy5050:
its not always about the worth of the gift..... Its about the heart behind it

dia is sumtin so original abt dis gift, I just can't place my hand on it but I just keep wondering.

d gift has a story its telling, at a tym wen any title holder (be it political or traditional) will go for a range rover, Lexus, n all d big names. dis guy buys a Camry pencil light for his wife n u see her happy, I tink dis is awesome. I wish dem well.

naijacentric:
Dis reno's eye service na die oo jona wey no send ur papa

its not eye service, its called "loyalty to the truth" its sumtin buhari n tinubu can't av. wat de av ar sycophants.

mansakhalifa:
Liberia was the only West African State that participated in WW I. They entered the fray with the U.S in 1917.

there were soldiers from the gold coast, den I tink Mali n Senegal. however, notin was mentioned about Nigeria. but I suppose de were teamed up wit other British colonies such as gold coast.

deleib:
pls Can U Really Tell Me The Actual Cause(s) Of The World War 1 And 2. I'll Realy Appreciate Ur Timely Response!

from wat I read, d immediate cause of ww1 was connected to d Serbs, Austrian, Hungarians; it's connected to d killing/ murder of the Austrian king.

ww2 is more or less an extension of ww1, the Germans felt cheated by d Versailles treaty, d tension in Europe was already unbearable...the fall of Poland to d Germans signalled dat Hitler was not just trying to reclaim Germany's lost territory but was out for annihilation of Europe.

Richy4:
[b]My guess was that he did not feel loved while growing up.... He was taunted by his father a lot as someone that will never matter in live and you as the step mum did basically next to nothing about that I guess..... and he felt his siblings was the ones that was loved....He saw his siblings as rivals, saw they were progressing and decide to give up.... hence he results to rebel and did not wanna do any thing for himself...that's the possible explanation that could result to him having the effrontery to do what he is doing....

Maybe showing him love and kindness will be the best therapy for him... I know that this is not an African thing.. we show our kind of love in a strange ways....If you feel that he is turning around a little, just ask him what he feel he can do in business wise..try to engage him in a conversation like he was normal just like the way u would do yours...it will be difficult but give it a go....

but I think u guys did not catch him early enough....The damage has been done except if he decide to hand himself to a therapist...Some people will tell you to pray.... but prayer without work is death.....Oh!, do not even think of bringing a wife to him thinking she will change him... that does not work much except if she is in military or a female Taekwondo instructor...[/b].

judging from wat I read from d original op, wat u said here is rubbish, n stop trying to make d aged woman feel bad or guilty.

madam @ original op, pls pray n pray for d boy, be him ur son or not. continually show love tru a action n reaction approach, i.e any of his actions should be rewarded or punished. m guessing he still rely on u n ur husband for finance dat shud be a gud tool u can use.

CarlGregory:
Please note that Debbie has no link to these jobs... I believe you must have been in this group long enough to know that... Please detest from such next time. Thanks

tanks for ur response, oweva I wud prefer d opinion/ response of Debbie not carlgregory. more ova, m new to d group.

thanks.

debbie:
Role: Transport Manager

Industry: Downstream Oil & Gas

Location: Abuja

Role Purpose:
The desired candidate will

1) oversee transportation/logistics department, including its assets and employees.

2) Supervise the tracking team

3) Supervision of terminal logistics operations

4) Supervision of workshop operations

5) Coordination of truck drivers

Requirements:

1) A relevant University degree in Mechanical Engineering/logistics or related field.

2) Minimum of 5 years work experience in a similar role

3) Candidates from the Oil & Gas industry preferred

Remuneration:

Between N250,000 - N350,000 (Gross monthly income)

Mode of Application:

Interested and Qualified candidates should send their Cv to fergusone@humanleadershipresources.com indicating role applied for as the subject of the mail.

PS
Only shortlisted candidates will be contacted.

gud day Debbie, I must first commend u on the selfless work u ar doing, I pray u continually feel energized to carry on wit d gud work.

however, since I started sending mails to the email addresses you post I have not got a reply or acknowledged.


pls I am interested particularly in safety and logistic works in the oil and gas sector, I am well grounded and certified on both. I will appreciate if u cud pull a string or 2 to at least provoke acknowledgements or reply.

once again tanks for your gud work.

de shud be dissolved in wat eva form legally or illegally, corrupt elements, yam eaters, infactbde shud be jailed. tank God for buhari.

I once worked wit jad construction company owned by Lebanese arabs, des guys ar criminals, de enslave dia workers in collaboration wit d local politicians like ayeri, Daniel reyenieju et all. I bet d reason de ar being sanctioned for tax issues is cos de av refused to settle d power dat be.

who he 80million EPP?? Bubu?

....

otukpo:
He only gave honour to whom honour is due.

is honour not due to Buhari his boss?

koladebrainiac:
deji is not in the right position to question APC simply because all the issues he raised for APC or Buhari to answer are the same issues his Pay master n his party created. who blame them for Bamah killings? PDP created Boko haram . created insecurity in the state. PDP started the Fulani war in Jos. Buhari is cleaning their mess. they looted the treasury die n made sure incmoming Government have no resources to run the government. Adeyanju Reno omikry n co do not have single shame. They are only comparing n fighting coz they are defeated. So if Buhari keeps reminding them how they spoilt this country they should understand. on the Ghana trying to bring Nigeria into their mess . that is a shame for Ghana n Deji Adeyanju who is painting the country this bad. Buhari agreed there is trouble with Nigeria. Even Iweala warned us n continue to tell us how this problem will affect us.

ur post is again typical of d apc kind of response deji talked abt. u apcians seems to always attack d messenger n leave d issues raised.

we didn't or u didn't vote buhari to remind us of d issues maiming us but to tell us how he hopes to fight n quell des issues n work practically towards it but on d contrary, buhari has only bin effective in fighting ghost n spirit he sees in his dreams

if u keep defending buhari n follow his blind leadership den u will become d proverbial fly who followed a corpse to d grave by inshallah we kick d deaf at of aso rock come 2019 n maybe to d gallos for grouse incompetence.