₦airaland Forum

I could not stop laughing at this one. Saw it in the thread. Chineeke!!!

Ejiro amu eyi ashawo egwu

translated: you cannot intimidate a prostitute with a d@$k

kobomoje:
i normally tell people who r jus coming in that, "u've got 2 pay ur dues", mo ti mu garri, kin to ma je chicken

100% agree with that shit.
Life abroad no be chicken and dodo. If u are not careful, u continue paying the 'dues' for a long long time especially when u dont get the right info or friends. The difference comes with associating with the right people. People willing to tell u stuff like where to get jobs, teach u survival techniques. You'll be surprised how people hoard information.

Can you code in PHP? Are u good in any of the popular content management systems? Can you sit for hours debugging code? Can you afford to take a gamble with a brand new site that may or may not make. Don't go rushing, this is not a full time job but a venture into the unknown and a trial thing. Its like a hobby thing. Provided you can dedicate a few hours a day and are ready to gamble that the site will take off big time one day then respond to this by mailing me at contact9ja@yahoo.co.uk.

OR

Are you a professional and can write very well about your area of study? Doctors, nurses, IT practitioners? Do you think you can write good enough to get people coming back for more? Same conditions as above. If interested, contact me at: contact9ja@yahoo.co.uk

Only a fool fights with an armed hoodloom who is possibly high on drugs. Give up the damned car and keep your life.

nairaland can be like facebook too. Only that the owner seems not to care about improving it more. this forum can easily be a subset of a larger domain that has all those utilitities on facebook. Let him contact me if he is interested.

bigboyslim:
Has anyone noticed how if you are on facebook and trying to view pictures, the next and previous buttons do not allow you to scroll from one picture to the other. I have been noticing this for a while now with the Google Chrome browser.

Chrome sacrificed quality for fastness. Its got issues rendering or displaying images. I design websites and I found several display flaws that are not there in firefox or IE. Anyway, Chromes is still in BETA mode so thats enough excuse for any anomalies.

Mozilla Firefox is the best browser ever. You will appreciate it more when you are a web developer. There are lots of resources to make life easier. Take  Firebug for instance. This pluggin is a dream come for HTML or CSS editing/debuging. I was using IE (and facing the constant crashings) until I discovered Firefox and the pluggin - Firebug.

I downloaded Chrome and am using it right now (just curiosity. am going back to firefox) I found it a bit faster than firefox or IE explorer. I heard in future, google intends to run applications directly on the internet. They already have their google docs and other applications online for free. The aim of chrome is to become a secure and and quality platform for running applications just like an operating system. That means, your word processor, spreadsheet etc will be loaded direct from google servers. Good news because it will all be free. Chrome is also open source (just like firefox) so for the gurus among us, a fresh platform to exercise the brain.

One major drawback for Chrome is that it runs only windows operating system. MAC or Linux users gotta wait ):

Another fake Nigerian football agent has been captured on camera. This one claims he is representing Manchester united and apparently has been preying on the good people of naija for years. Its a major news article on BBC news this morning. This is shameful. These are the people making things difficult for us all on the international level. Scroll down on the news item to view the video yourself here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/7505395.stm

@IBEXY you must be boxed up men, security job pays well from £6-like £13 per hour depending on experience.

remember we are talking of first job and at a time I hardly knew anything in yankee. Of course I was used. I was getting less than £5 until my eyes opened. I dumped that employer like hot potato, got my licence and joined the £7-£10 agencies. That was long ago. I still thank God sha. The cash helped me in school.

Security guard work. Nothing else could let me study. Again, I could dress neat and not do any manual jobs.

babyosisi:
I'm still trying to understand if this high and mighty person making friends with the lowly and downtrodden lives in Nigeria or is referring to the poor and lowly Nigerians he meets in England.

I wonder ooo
Some people with a bloated image of themselves want to bore us all to death.

@Alert
Stick your hand in a dog's mouth and expect not to be bitten?
Dumb post 

Just read what you said:

each time i let a guy be my friend, one day or the other the guy would usually surprise me with a sexual move, either he's trying to touch me or he's outrightly trying to pull off my clothes.

Did'nt your mama warn you about hanging out with boys? What do you think happens between a boy and a girl. Of course the boy will start making moves on you especially when you can't resist any handsome boy that comes along like you said:

i always fall for guys that are handsome(but i'm correcting that now).

i am dating a guy now whom i'm not in love wit also i have two ex-boyfriends trying to get back in my life, i don't like them either.

Why on earth would you date people you don't like and then squeal when they want to sleep with you. Why don't you free the poor bloke? Are you the type that enjoys winding guys up. Dangling a carrot before them that they cannot have. I know quite a few male haters who get a kick out of doing that.

You can't resist any handsome guy around even when you are currently dating someone?

i always fall for guys that are handsome(but i'm correcting that now).

Why will the your workmate not harrass you when he knows you fall for any handsome guy.
I bet he is quite handsome. Thats why he is trying his luck.

My advice. Get a grip on your life. Stick to one man whom you genuinely love.

I'd like to add that one of the most annoying things I have seen is a naija guy with a heavy local accent trying to speak in British cockney accent. Its worse in those ones who have spent donkey years here and all of a sudden discover they are talking to a JJC. My brother, its pathetic and terribly tormenting to the ear drums. Once you did not learn these accents growing up, the most you can do is a fake unconvincing mimic.

watch out for my site!

This morning, a guy came to check our electricity meter. He asked me why am not in Nigeria voting. (Not knowing he is also Nigerian) I told him I am there in spirit and I pray that the elections will be peaceful. We went into the usual argument of what exactly Nigeria's problems are.

My prayer is that God should let the best candidate win. We have had enough tactless leaders.

American accent is easy to learn. Just Talk through your nose and add enough swear words to your speach like

-Sh*t
-Mother***er
-Damn (pronouced DEUM)

change all occurences of "want to" to "wan na".
All "going to" to "going to"
Sprinkle in enough "you what am saying" (pronouced : Yno waram sayin)
refer to people by making reference to their "arse" eg "Am g o n n a to kick your arse" means "I will kick you"
Use the word DUDE to refer to your friends
Finish the makeover by adopting a swagger like a hip hop artiste.
Wear track suits always with the most expensive sneakers you can lay your paws on.
My guy, everyone will think you are from yankee.

Roasted cockroach in fried paw-paw, boiled toad fingers mixed with with shredded lizard kidney and washed down with hot crocodile piss.

JOKING

Dont really have best choice but a hot plate of Jollof rice+fish washed down with a mug of hot chocolate will do the magic.

error !

Your judgement is one dimensional in that you look at every issue from your christian belief. Remember this is a public forum having members from every conceivable religion. Your narrow sense of judgement makes you think everyone should live by your religious doctrine or be condemned to hell.
Bring yourself back to reality and quit dreaming and describing ideals that are almost non existent.  How many men or women live by the ideal they proffess and flash on the outside for all to see. How many men did not have sex with their wives before marriage. How many marriages break down everyday due to sexual imcompatibility or disatisfaction?
Are you aware that even in naija, some cultures want to see a woman get pregnant or proove her fertility before ever getting married? Call it achaic but who would want to go into a union to regret later? Its your sense of self preservasion coming into play. When the chips are down, people will always discard any fancy ideals and live by their instincts.
You want to say its selfish on the part of the man? Hello! people go into relationships for selfish reasons anyway. What right has a lady to seek for "Mr Right". Who is "Mr Right" anyway - of course, a man who meets with her very selfish specifications. Ask her, you will see sexual satisfaction is part of Mr right's qualities (apart from money, confidence etc). How many people married a man or woman because he is in the right proffession or his "future looks bright"? Why don't we damn the selection criteria and take whoever comes along?
And if you think its only sex (especially before marriage) that is responsible for widespread VD. Damn! you are wrong again. Even happily married people get VD (but how?). AIDS can be transmitted via other channels that are not sexual. If you wnat to condemn sex before marriage, leave VD out of it because it can happen before or after marrige.
This is the real world homey. Much as it may be wrong by your doctrines and beliefs, its what happens everyday.

Relationships start from friendship. So its ok to move up one level and become lovers from being just friends.

That has gotta be a "gentleman" dog.
Let sleeping dogs lie o.

Cant remember which was first. Had too many in my time.

Where are the smooth roads for such "high centre of gravity" busses?
I will not travel in them for a million bucks in Naija. My God ! have your forgotten those pot holes at Onitsha. How will a double decker handle that?
My answer is NO. At least not until we maintain our roads properly. The same reason why you cant use a lamborghini or porsche in my village.

Neither is a "sin" provided they cover up unclothedness.
What constitutes "sin" in Africa can be absolutely normal in Europe and vice versa. Funny world.

I wish I could discuss programming jargon like these dudes in here. I thought I was good until I came here
Damn!
I raise my cap for you guys.

When I was involved in an accident as a kid travelling with my family from Ogun state to Imo for xmas. Those few seconds when the car went spinning and falling into a ditch were the longest seconds I have ever lived. I can still remember my mom screaming and grabbing us all to herself. My dad was travveling in another car with the rest of the family ahead of us. We had just left a police check point when the tires burst. The car was spinning and out of control. Was any car camming behind us, I probably would not be here to be sending this message.  According to my dad, they only realised what happened when they saw the swirl of dust from the rear view mirror. It must have been equally scary for him. I cant forget him racing towards us and hugging us all. That day I saw my father cry. Miraculously, no one was hurt. I still remember I left my footwear in that car in our hurry to leave the scene.

Tornadoz:
Jen33 wrote:
In fact the US army employs what is called ''Remote Viewing'' to determine what goes on in hidden places the other side of the world.
Don't you think they should use this "technology"to find Osama Bin Laden?

The army does not rely on ESP or astral travelling as much as you want us to believe here. I watched a programme on TV based on CIA investigation into ESP (Extra Sensory Perception). There was this guy who was the object of the experiments. His gueses were less than 40% correct. The conclusion was that ESP is unreliable and amounts to exactly what it is. GUESES.

Funny many guys are so tensed and poised to strike like an anaconda even at a light hearted joke like this. Who in his right senses would condon 419.
All these "holier than thou" people we dey for this forum make una take time o. Otherwise

Add substance to your argument. Have u had the experience. Were you able to consciously control yourself like they claim. Were you able to fly at will to a desired location?

I do not believe these crap about astral projection or travel (call it what you like). I have read books and books on the stuff and done all those funny exercises claimed to make you have an out of the body experience. Hello ! they dont work. You end up with a splitting headache. I have also affiliated with some groups (rather not mention) because I was so interested in the occult. I ended up paying away money on memberships and subscriptions. To date, I have never had what you call astral travel. I know I have had dreams that seemed almost real but they were just dreams like any normal person can have. When I was in naija, I fantasised about projecting to USA or London at least to have a look at these places I heard so much about. It never worked. So whats the point? Honest opinion, astral travelling is a load of bull###.