₦airaland Forum

£93m pastor accused of exploiting British worshippers
By George Arbuthnott

PUBLISHED Daily Mail UK :00:04 GMT, 21 October 2012


A church run by a controversial multi-millionaire African preacher has been accused of ‘cynical exploitation’ after its British branch received £16.7 million in donations from followers who were told that God would give them riches in return.

Followers are ferried in double-decker shuttle buses to the church, handed slips inviting them to make debit card payments, and are even told obeying the ministry’s teachings will make them immune from illness.

Today’s Mail on Sunday revelations about the Winners’ Chapel movement have prompted the Charity Commission to review the charitable status of the church – one of the fastest-growing in the UK.

Winners’ Chapel is part of a worldwide empire of evangelical ministries run by Nigeria’s wealthiest preacher David Oyedepo, who has an estimated £93 million fortune, a fleet of private jets and a Rolls-Royce Phantom.


Dubbed ‘The Pastorpreneur’, he was accused earlier this year of slapping the face of a young woman he said was a witch. The assault case was struck out but is being appealed.

Branches of the church have sprung up in major UK cities in a huge recruitment drive centred on Mr Oyedepo’s ‘prosperity gospel’. This claims that congregants who make regular donations and pay tithes – a ten per cent levy on their income – will be rewarded financially by God.

Followers are urged to target vulnerable people such as the lonely, the sick, the homeless and the suicidal as potential candidates for conversion.

Last night, Labour MP Paul Flynn said Winners’ Chapel was cynically exploiting supporters. ‘They [Winners’ Chapel] are making clearly spurious claims and it seems to be a cynical exploitation of the gullible,’ he said.

Referring to the slapping incident, Mr Flynn added: ‘What is also alarming is the reported violence and the lack of respect for the status of women. It’s taking us back to a previous age of ignorance and prejudice that we all thought the church had escaped.’

This newspaper’s investigation can further disclose:
Congregants are handed a payment slip requesting payments using cheque, cash or debit card when they enter London’s Winners’ Chapel.
Donations to the ministry in England almost doubled from £2.21 million to £4.37 million between 2006 and 2010.
Mr Oyedepo’s superchurch in Nigeria received £794,000 or 73 per cent of the charitable donations paid out by the British Winners’ Chapel between 2007 and 2010. This was despite claims in Africa that he is enriching himself at the expense of his devotees.
The registered charity has spent £6.81 million on evangelism and ‘praise, worship and fellowship’.
The church’s ‘Joseph Squad’ preaches in British prisons and has a weekly broadcast named ‘Liberation Hour’ on satellite and cable TV here.

In the past three years, Winners’ Chapel churches have been established in Liverpool, Birmingham, Leeds and Bradford, adding to those in London, Manchester, Dublin and Glasgow.

An undercover Mail on Sunday reporter attended Sunday services at Winners’ Chapel’s ‘London HQ’ in Dartford, Kent, which attracts 1,000 congregants – chiefly African and Caribbean immigrants. It is run like ‘a business conference’ by Mr Oyedepo’s son, David Oyedepo Jnr. Packed buses deliver singing worshippers from South-East London, Essex and Kent to the huge auditorium.

The reporter saw a payment slip being given to every person entering the church encouraging them to donate money by cheque or cash or to fill in a form with their debit card details. The slip said tithes should be paid separately using a ‘Kingdom Investment Booklet’ and the reporter was informed that payments could also be made by phone. A pastor told the worshippers: ‘You shall be financially promoted after this service in Jesus’s name if you are ready to honour the Lord therefore with all your givings, your tithes, your offerings, your Kingdom investment, your sacrifices.’

Congregants were told to fill in their slips and hold them above their heads while the donations were blessed.

The service was interspersed with testimonies. ‘I received a bill from the bank that I didn’t understand, so I prayed,’ said one congregant. ‘A few days later, the bank wrote to apologise for their mistake – Hallelujah!’ ‘Hallelujah,’ the audience shouted back.

Congregants were told they could gain favour by persuading others to follow Mr Oyedepo’s teachings. His son said: ‘Look around you. Someone is sick and already wishing he or she were dead, that is a fruit ripe to harvest. Someone is confounded and considering suicide as an option, that is another fruit that is ripe to harvest.

‘Someone else is lonely and wondering if there is any future for him, that is another fruit ripe to harvest.

‘Also there are many men and women, young and old that are homeless, these are fruits ripe to harvest.’

The reporter was taken, with 20 other new recruits, to a room where preachers gave sermons claiming acceptance of the Lord would prevent them ever being ill or suffering misfortune.

The Mail on Sunday has seen video footage of Mr Oyedepo striking a woman across the face and condemning her to hell after she said she was a ‘witch for Jesus’. He attacked her in a Winners’ Chapel superchurch, believed to be in Nigeria, in front of worshippers. A separate video shows him saying: ‘I slapped a witch here last year!’

In May, he was sued for £800,000 over the alleged assault. The case was struck out – a decision which is now reported to have been appealed.

The Winners’ Chapel movement, also known as the Living Faith Church, has hundreds of churches in Nigeria and across Africa, the Middle East, the UK and the US.

Mr Oyedepo has received fierce criticism in Africa. One Nigerian journalist accused him of ‘leading a growing list of pastorpreneurs – church founders exploiting the passion and emotion that Christianity commands to feather their nests’.

Catholic Cardinal Anthony Okogie criticised such preachers for placing materialism above Jesus’s message. He reportedly said: ‘They have been skinning the flock, taking out of the milk of the flock.’

Among Mr Oyedepo’s fleet of aircraft are said to be a Gulfstream 1 and Gulfstream 4 private jets. It is also claimed he and his wife, Faith, travel in expensive Jeeps flanked by convoys of siren-blaring vehicles. He is the senior pastor of Faith Tabernacle, a 50,000-seat auditorium in Lagos reputed to be the largest church in the world, and runs a publishing company that distributes books carrying his message across the world.

His other business interests span manufacturing, petrol stations, bakeries, water purification factories, recruitment, a university, restaurants, supermarkets and real estate. The latest addition is a commercial airline named Dominion Airlines.

A Charity Commission spokesman said: ‘The Charity Commission is currently assessing what, if any, regulatory role there is to play with regard to the complaints made against the World Mission Agency. It is important to clarify that this does not constitute an investigation at this stage.’

Winners’ Chapel administrator Tunde Disu declined to comment.

I've never been one to dictate to parents how to raise their kids but in our household, we keep things simple: we avoid any products, celebrations, movies, books that are based on evil actvities. For example - No Halloween, No Harry Potter, No Horror movies, No Africa Magic/Nollywood movies with "Jazzy" themes. I was much younger when i realised that evil things are often "packaged" as harmless or even beautiful. The "forbidden fruit" is always beautiful and appealing (not rotten and full of worms). I was a car freak as a teenager and recall how obsessed i was with the beautiful Lambourghini Diablo...until i realised Diablo was "DEVIL" in spanish. From that point on i decided not to take anything on face value. But hey, thats me... and my kids dont suffer from peer pressure issues. Every one should be free to decide how to raise their kids (as long as it isnt illegal).

Christambasador: U guys should not be negative... We will meet vision 2020 but it will be in year 2050

.....Nice One!

FreeGlobe: ^
Abiola was one of the biggestfraudd in the history of Nigeria (even though we shouldnt be speaking ill of the dead.) Go and listen to fela's international thief thief. Dont come here acting like he's a saint. I never wished or voted him as my president.

I'm familiar with the Fela's song but sir, You dont understand my point. Its not about Abiola, its not about Abiola,,its not about Abiola (for emphasis). Its about the milions that had their civil rights abused by khaki boys. Whether you Like MKO or not- No Nigerian or international observer ever said the election was rigged. the UN observers said it was the most free and fair election ever monitored in Nigeria. It was a slap in the face to all Nigerians...a dirty slap.

My brother - dont back down (or listen to anybody advising you to "manage" the 200k). It is people like you who have the guts to challenge the injustice in this country (at all levels) that will change this country. Please also contact Saharareporters,Channels etc and expose these "corporate scammers". Well done my man.

Some comments on this thread bother me. Sadly some of the negative posters were in nappies or not even born when the greatest injustice to democracy in Nigeria was committed.Forget about "the man" Abiola and focus on what the struggle of June 12 was all about. Tens of millions (Hausa, Ibo, Yoruba) voted one man in as their President. About 10 military men of the Armed Forces Ruling Council sipped fine cognac late into the night and said "Eff all those clowns that voted, that man wont be President" and that was it! Shikena! Nigerians came together with one voice (all tribes) and said we no go gree o!!! Nationwide riots....hundreds were maimed, killed, all universities shut down. The man Abiola stood his ground. declared that he would die for Nigeria and democracy. The AFRC offered him what they thought he loved the most - money..Billions! he said no. I am ready to die for those Nigerians that voted for me...and so he did. Now those Nigerians who MKO died for are giving members of that AFRC the highest national honours, some of the AFRC are winning Power plant licences, others are referred to as "elder statesmen".....Those Nigerians who MKO died for come on Nairaland and insult him based on "beer parlour gist". Its true what they say "Nigerians have the leaders that they deserve"

ddim22: Stop asking stupid question.Do you have a brain at all?[/b]Armed robbery is armed robbery whether attempted or committed.Anybody that goes stealing with a gun or knife should be killed before he kills anybody.[b]The way ALUU4 were killed is a good way to kill armed robbers.But the reason everybody is angry about their killing is because they were innocent.From the story we have heard,the community killed them thinking they were armed robbers because the cult guy they took along with them fired a gun and ran away.So incase you are an armed robber trying to sample peoples opinion,i advice you to repent and give your life to christ.

I usually ignore such posts; but i cant help but respond. You have read 3 pages of contributions from people with various opinions including enlightened updates from lawyers who have shed more light on what the Nigerian law says. It is unfortunate that in one voice, you say that the barbaric torture and burning alive of human beings is "good" and in another voice, you end your post by suggesting i am an armed robber (LOL!!!) and advising me to give my life to Christ. My brother, thank you for the advice but I gave my life to Christ many decades ago and the Christ i worship doesnt promote hours of sadistic torture and burning alive as a good way to resolve anything. If you feel this post is daft and irrelevant, you dont need to contribute, just ignore and move on.There are many more posts on Tonto Dike and Nollywood which may probably appeal to your mind-set better.

Myself2: @ OP
You're terribly wrong to compare a likely scenario of armed robbers going to kill you in your house with the #ALUU4 that were murdered by some blood-thirsty community people

Sir...Is there ever a "right" time to Kill? thats the dilemma. So sir, would you shoot and kill them...yes/no?

Gaiden k: Dude u don't have a point,there is no comparison between the the scenes,even if those boys where guilty they were caught,handing them over to the police was the logical thing to do,a civilised person can kill a robber in self defence,but he will never kill a man in the manner of Aluu,why are u trying to justify allu,s actions,are u from there?

Sigh...firstly, i wasnt making a point, i was asking a question. Please read post again and read the earlier clarifications. The Uniport 4 were referenced and not the TOPIC of the post. The question was what would you do? Some have said they'll outright Kill, some have said No killing despite the circumstances, some have said shoot to injure not to kill. What would you do?

Quite some time ago but still holds in UK Law...


Audrey Gillan

The Guardian, Thursday 20 April 2000 10.52 BST


Tony Martin, the Norfolk farmer who shot a teenage boy in the back as he tried to burgle his isolated farmhouse, was yesterday found guilty of murder and sent to prison for life at the end of a case that touched a raw nerve across rural Britain.
In spite of cries of "yes, yes" and "I hope you die in jail" from the family of 16-year-old Fred Barras, the farmer - flanked by two police officers after receiving threats on his life - remained unmoved.

Martin was found guilty of murder by a jury of six men and six women who had earlier given not guilty verdicts on charges of attempting to murder another man, the burglar Brendon Fearon, and of possession of a firearm and ammunition with intent to injure life. He was found guilty of wounding Fearon with intent to kill.

Passing three sentences of life, 10 years and 12 months to run concurrently, Mr Justice Owen said: "It seems to me that this case serves as a dire warning to all burglars who break into the houses of other people.

"The law is that every citizen is entitled to use reasonable force to prevent crime. Burglary is a crime and a householder in his own home may think he is being reasonable but he may not be reasonable and that can have tragic consequences."

Martin killed Barras, a market trader from a Gypsy travelling family based in Newark, Nottinghamshire, last August during a late-night incident at his farm. The teenager, who had a number of convictions, was on his "first big job" to burgle Martin's home, Bleak House. He and Fearon were attacked by one of the farmer's rottweilers as they tried to get away.

The court heard that Martin, who had a vitriolic hatred for burglars and Gypsies, had come downstairs with a pump-action Winchester shotgun and fired at the two men.

Barras had pleaded for his life, shouting: "I'm sorry. Please don't. Mum." In panic, Fearon, who was seriously injured, pulled out a rotten window and he and Barras jumped through. It was not until the next afternoon that the teenage boy's body was found.

Norwich crown court heard that Martin - who took a 4ft teddy bear with him to court every day - had been repeatedly burgled and that he had laid booby traps and lookout posts for anyone who came onto his property.

Peter Tidey, the chief crown prosecutor for Norfolk, said: "Actions such as that taken by Tony Martin cannot be tolerated in a civilised society. When people break the law it is for the law to punish them, not for individuals to take the law into their own hands, whether acting out of revenge or their own individual system of justice."

The Barras family, who attended the court in large numbers every day, last night issued a statement saying: "As Fred's family we cannot and do not condone his actions. We are aware that he had failings and would have expected him to be dealt with and punished in the criminal justice system. He was not given that chance."

The verdict will be greeted with horror by the farmer's many supporters across the country who believed he did the right thing. Yesterday morning as he arrived in court an official passed on a handful of letters of support to add to the hundreds he received throughout the case.

A close friend of Martin, Malcolm Starr, said: "I'm absolutely devastated by the outcome and to be quite honest I think the whole country will be genuinely gobsmacked.

"If people were put away for longer for burglaries then they would not have been there and they would not have been shot."

The media agent Max Clifford, who gave Martin free advice, said last night he believed the conviction was a miscarriage of justice.

Martin's mother Hilary, 86, said it should have been the burglars in the dock and not her son. She added: "I am shocked. I am disappointed. I can't believe it. Because of this verdict decent people will not be able to sleep at night. He was merely defending himself against people who were thieves and vagabonds."

Martin's solicitor, Nick Makin, said he would appeal.

cold: You're being economical with the truth here. Can we see the story of the guy that went to jail based on the action you described above?

Just google "Tony Martin, Farmer jailed for shooting burglar" sir......Cheers!

MRbrownJAY: @OP
You shouldn't mix apples and oranges. The scenario you gave is completely different from what happened to these 4 students.
1) an armed robber is committing a serious crime while these 4 boys only crime was to "supposedly" steal something (focus on SUPPOSEDLY)

2) killing the armed robbers would be self defense because you would be in a situation where you believed that your life (or that of your family) was in danger, while these 4 boys never threatened anyone's life.

3) if you actually believe that what happened to these boys was RIGHT (aka killing innocent people because of your own selfish beliefs), then you would obviously also believe that what BH is doing is also RIGHT.

Please see my earlier clarifications. I along with millions of others detest the cold-blooded murder of the Uniport4 boys. The UNIPORT 4 are "referenced" in this post and not the TOPIC of the post. The topic and question is - would you kill robbers that are outside your house attempting to gain entry? Note that they are still outside your house, shouting threats "we will kill you today", you havent seen their weapons yet. Would you face a moral dilemma to pump them with bullets? I know people who will not kill despite the circumstances (their own belief system doesnt allow it). Even in self defence. I know others who will kill (depending on the circumstances). So sir....would you shoot or not?

Sky Blue: No brainer here. I will even pray that I don't miss. Although I wouldn't aim to kill but severly wound and hinder so I can hand them over to the authorities, but if they die in the process then tough luck. Nigeria has made beasts of us all.

Sad but very true....

bokohalal: The law actually allows you to kill in defence of your live,family and property but not in a situation were you had already disarmed and arrested the intruder.

I see your point. I'm interested in knowing specifically what the law says. I know of a recent case where a British man was sentenced to jail for shooting and injuring (not killing) some rascal teenagers attempting to break into his house. There was outrage in the UK but that was the law. Our law is based on UK common law, so please lawyers in the house should guide us on what our rights are in Nigeria.

My brother...Let me clarify o. I'm not saying those boys deserved even 10% of the suffering and pain they went through. My question is a simple one to test our own moral standings. So...would you kill the armed robbers outside your house?

Ever so often, we humans get tested by incidents around us. Despite the anger and disgust most feel for the gruesome murder of the Uniport 4, it raises other moral questions.

Here is the scenario: Its 2am and you are asleep with you wife, new born child and aged mother-in-law. 4 Armed robbers are hacking away at your door screaming that you will be dead tonight if you dont open the door.

Assume you have a licenced shotgun in the house, Would you stand as a man and defend your family by killing all four? If no, what are your options? If Yes, how are you better than the ALUU killers? Its a moral dilemma. Comments please.

New York, October 15, 2012 -- The Board of Directors of The Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. (NYSE: GS) today announced the appointment of Adebayo O. Ogunlesi as an independent director of the firm, effective October 15, 2012. Mr. Ogunlesi’s appointment expands the Board to 11 directors, nine of whom are independent directors. The firm expects to appoint an additional independent director to its board in the near term. Mr. Ogunlesi will be a member of each of the firm’s Audit, Risk, Compensation and Corporate Governance and Nominating committees.
“Adebayo brings extensive experience in finance and the global capital markets to our Board of Directors,” said Lloyd C. Blankfein, Chairman and CEO of The Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. “He has advised companies and institutions around the world and invested in many of the most important sectors in the global economy. Our board and our shareholders will benefit from Adebayo’s wealth of knowledge and rigorous thinking.”
Mr. Ogunlesi is the Managing Partner and Chairman of Global Infrastructure Partners, a private equity firm that invests worldwide in infrastructure assets in the energy, transport, and water and waste industry sectors. From 1983 to 2006 Mr. Ogunlesi held various positions at Credit Suisse Investment Bank (and predecessor firms), including as Executive Vice Chairman and Chief Client Officer (2004-2006), a member of the Executive Board and Management Committee (2002-2006) and Head of Global Investment Banking (2002-2004). Prior to joining Credit Suisse, Mr. Ogunlesi was an attorney at Cravath, Swaine & Moore, LLP (1981-1983) and served as a law clerk to the Honorable Thurgood Marshall, Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court (1980-1981).
Mr. Ogunlesi currently serves on the board of directors of each of Callaway Golf Co. and Kosmos Energy Ltd. In addition, Mr. Ogunlesi is the Chairman of Africa Finance Corporation and serves on the boards of various not-for-profit entities, including NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital, The NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, Inc., the Partnership for New York City Fund, the Smithsonian National Museum of African Art and Americans for Oxford. He is a graduate of Oxford University, Harvard Business School and Harvard Law School.
The Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. is a leading global investment banking, securities and investment management firm that provides a wide range of financial services to a substantial and diversified client base that includes corporations, financial institutions, governments and high-net-worth individuals. Founded in 1869, the firm is headquartered in New York and maintains offices in all major financial centers around the world.
Source: Goldman Sachs

Nairalanders!!!!!"He must have been drunk, He is a thief, He is an eedddioot, He stole money, He was speeding, He is a senator who stole"....geezzzz all of this conclusion from a picture? I've witnessed some freak accidents and unless you have a crystal ball...you just never know.

[quote author=gajike]3) IN OSUN STATE HE NOMINATED ALL COMMISSIONERS AND THEY ARE ALL FROM LAGOS STATE.

4) EVERY CONTRACT HAS TO PASS THROUGH HIM. IF YOU DONT KNOW TINUBU YOU CANT GET ANYTHING IN OSUN
AND THIS HAS BEEN AFFECTING THE ECONOMY OF OSUN STATE. MONEY IS NOT IN CIRCULATION
THEY AWARDED CONTRACT FOR LAGOSIANS AND USE INDIGENES AS LABOURERS.

[quote]My brother, lets not import wrong information here, Last time i checked Muyiwa Ige and a host of other commissioners were from Osun not Lagos. Please lets move ahead from this way of thinking - the Commisioner of budget for Lagos is an Ibo man for crying out loud. ACN seems to be rewarding competence not state of origin.

You seem to be frustrated by not getting a "contract" in Osun. Could it be that someone else may have written a more compelling proposal than you did? Think about it sir.

I learned a long time ago that the most dangerous type of information is "beer parlour and peppersoup" gist. Sadly a lot of the comments here are hearsay and have been rubbished years ago. e.g. For those who want to verify the ownership of LCC etc, please go and search for video/transcript of the gubernatorial debate between Fashola and Dosunmu, where Dosunmu made a campaign promise to scrap LCC if he won the Lagos state election. Fashola promptly reminded him (to loud applause) that the PDP (specifically OBJ) are also core signatories to the LCC transaction - so its not clear how Tinubu could be said to own the same company. I'm open to hear superior evidence to the contrary. I dont know Tinubu personally but i know that Lagos is one of the most strategically important states to the PDP and thinking objectively - if Tinubu was so corrupt, wouldnt the PDP have used all the intelligence power they possess to expose and ridicule him by now?

From the few facts i know about Tinubu, he came from humble beginnings and was adopted by a Lagos family. Sponsored to study in the States and worked in US audit firms before joining Exxon Mobil in Lagos and eventually became Group Treasurer; a big deal for a Nigerian to achieve back then. I also remember he was very vocal with NADECO during June 12 and eventually went on self exile when Abacha wanted to exterminate him. Today he has made Nigerian politics interesting again by creating a formidable opposition party. The first of its kind in decades. I know from some of my mentors who worked directly with him at Mobil that he has always been a radical, (a smart, likeable area boy in a suit, was how one colleague desribed him). But Lagos (aka Jungle City) and the South West need radical leadership like this for real transformation, not PHD holders who blow hot air and do nothing. After my long story above..i have to ask myself the same question @OP asked...why do people hate such a man so much. Who knows...snowball effect of beer parlour gist maybe?

Do the following:
1. Access Address Book on your Phone
2. Search for Jezebel.
3. Select DELETE
4. Are you sure you want to Delete?
5. Click Yes.
6. Go to BB Messenger, contacts and follow steps 2 to 5 above
7. Go to Punch office and pay for a classified advert for N15k - [I formerly known as "Richard" now wish to be known as James Smith. Nairaland members, Nigerian Passport Office and all ex-girlfriends and their spouses take note]
8. RUN for your Life.

LWKMD!!!!! Its official: Nairalanders are the funniest people on earth. These comments are hilarious!

Fellow Nigerians, Brace Yourselves for 2013. Its going to be a rough ride.

supereagle: (AGI) Abuja - Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan had begun a tour of the areas hardest hit by flooding, described as "the worst in our history - an authentic national disaster."

......a disaster of such magnitude must therefore be managed by experts such as Adenuga and Dangote? God Help us.

Nobody really knows 100% what happened that night but that 5th guy needs to speak up so families can close the chapter. The saddest thing about this is that most of these "hard boys" and "vigilantes" graduate and fill our streets, political desks, national assemblies, become "pastors", join banks, oil companies etc. "Animals in Human Skin" as Fela said.

This is hilarious... the Personal Assistant carrying madams Louis Vuitton handbags must be thinking " What kind of useless PA work is this one? No be Private Jet dem talk sey she dey enter?".

A very poor attempt at analysing society. The writer needs to watch that video.

Gombs: Lemme take u on a lil geography...all dose state mentioned,has rivers...as in major rivers that empty into bigger rivers,are u following,S wen the waters came,it overflooded d bnks of these rivers,n close by communities were affected.class closed...em dis is ǖя̩̥̊ homework,get a map of ǖя̩̥̊ country (hp u r 9ja),then those states mentioned,check weda they av rivers.τ̅☺ be submitted wen u find those states on 9ja's map.
Cheers

Oga, please appreciate the difference between the following bodies of water - ocean, river, stream, lake, puddle, poto-poto. Thank God we all went to school.

Dis Guy: so basically all the states are getting cash, was there flood in plateau?

even borno is getting flood money?

LOL...My brother, welcome to the world of "Phederal Character". AKA all man must chop. Our Dear President needs a crop of new advisers that will separate Politics from Governance.

Mr President: Morning Team
Psychophants: Moring Sa!!, Long Live Nigeria Sir, Long Live Madam sir!!, Morin Sir.
Mr President: Okay, straight to business. Please give me highlights of the main issues we need to address this week.
Psychophants: Commander in Chief, we are facing the biggest national disaster of our time sir, the people are dying in floods sir, even my grandmother's house in some unknown village that contributes nothing to our GDP is flooded sir. The people are screaming for help, the Ministries are screaming for funds. we need funds sir - that is, cash, dollars, faroukas, Kudi, moneeee!!!
President: Oh that is terrible. So let me understand this, is this flooding a national or localised issue
Adviser: Localised sir, we have found that....
Psychophant: Please, please please, Mr adviser, you are not on top of the matter. Mr President this is a National disaster and the funding must reflect federal character. The desert areas of the north must get funds, also the people who already live on water in the creeks must be well funded. Areas like Lagos, run by that opposition party, Action Group or so dont need any funds, they have plenty money. But back to the issue of funds sir, we need money fast fast sir. fast!!!
Mr President: Okay, thank God we have the Ecological Fund and competent Ministers and Agencies to handle this issue
Adviser: You are right sir, the Ecological fund invested in Treasury Bills and Government Bonds and by my estimate should be worth about...
Psychophants: Haba Mr adviser, why do you mislead us?? Mr President, the Ecological fund has been wiped out by the global financial crisis and all the inaction of the CBN. In fact sir, i think we need to invite the Governor of the CBN to come and tell us what happened to the fund. I think we should use the money from Government savings sir!
Mr President: Okay and modalities to be managed my NEMA, Ministry of Environment, Ministry of Agric, Housing and Works?
Psychphants (shout in unison): No sir, this is politically sensitive and affects all arms of Government. We should run by an objective committee sir.
Mr President: Okay, makes sense. So i need the DG of that NEMA place, Perhaps an economist, and lets get in touch with the UN agencies that are experts in disaster management. What about that Mayor of New Orleans, he did an amazing job during their disaster - lets invite him to advise us on a special contract. Okay team?
Psychphants: No sir! absolutely not!!! we dont need foreign assistance or the people will say you are weak! Common New Orleans Mayor...who is he sir? Does he have money like our Adenuga and Aliko? we think we should promote our own people sir.
Mr President: well...okay. I dont agree but in the spirit of democracy, i will side with my advisory team. Set up the commitee immeditaly and write my speech, i want to address my people tomorrow morning by 7am. Any other issues?
Adviser: yes sir...last weekend, four students.
Psychophant: Oga adviser!!! Please go and write the grammar for the speech let me finish briefing Oga on the students.
Adviser: Okay, excuse me sir while i call the media etc.
Psychophant: Thank you and good bye. Ehen Mr President, some cult boys killed themselves last weekend. This country sha. In our days, shebi we just used to box each other and smoke gbana. Now the cultists are killing themselves. But dont worry sir, the Nigerian people are not even concerned about it.
Mr President: As a former lecturer, this thing pains me. I should spend at least 1 minute consoling the families?
Psychophant: HABA!! capital no sir! Next thing they will say its because the boys were in a cult you sponsored thats why you are talking. They will ask why you didnt talk since when others were killing themselves. Dont worry sir. Lets handle the floods, Nigerians are not worried about those boys.
Mr President: Well, okay, i guess you guys are doing your jobs and giving me the information that i need to act.
Psychophants: YES SIR! Long Live Nigeria sir... please sir, we need funds fast to mobilise the committee.

Most teenage boys did silly things when in University (including myself). If someone, took my money, scratched my car or "disrespected" me in those days, i would have exploded in so much anger, you would have thought the world had ended. Thats what being a teenager is all about...you make stupid mistakes, learn and move on. If all teenagers got planked and burnt each time they made a mistake, there would be no kids left. Most of us got into trouble as young boys but would always be rescued by a level- headed citizen who would counsel us to "cool down" and make peace with the aggreived. Sadly, hunger and frustration has wiped out all peacemakers and just like the biblical Sodom & Gomorrah, we have entire communities, where there doesnt exist one single person to speak with a voice of reason to save young lives.

ubandire: U are definitely mad,see ur mouth "here in the UK",why are u there?people like who don't contribute anything to nation building other than painting Nigeria black in the eyes of the western world western world (ur Demi gods)

Why are you grabbing on to the "here in the UK" comment? Is it an offence for the poster to be based outside the country? Focus on the issue. My brother...he doesnt need to paint Nigeria black in the eyes of the Western World. Anyone who saw that video knows that Nigeria is indeed a dark, savage country where there is no Justice. For your information - the only reason the world heard about the 4 wasted young lives is because it was caught on video. There are hundreds of unidentified bodies dropped off in public mortuaries on a daily basis in Nigeria. No Love or Justice here - just venom and hatred.