₦airaland Forum

ambassadorgozie:
guy dis is d truth, i know wia to go if i want sex

On a serious note, what's is it to you if she doesn't eat? You asked her the first time, second time and still went close to touch her shoulder to ask. That is suspicious. Was the food she was going to eat going to enter your stomach?

We should learn to mind our business. You asked her once and she declined. Then you leave her to her hunger.

Kennedyiheme:
I don't know about you but I'm not interested at all... lol i see nothing in for me, there's no point, we don't live in 1960 anymore where women had high moral values, an average woman these days have a body count of over 500...

Here's a study that says younger men aren't interested in marriage
https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/young-men-giving-up-on-marriage-women-arent-women-anymore

I wonder who gets married every Saturday. Women and women abi

LewsTherin:
If you follow Nairalanders, you will believe life is only about sadness and misery.

The overwhelming consensus on marriage here is that 99% of marriages are sad, filled with cheating spouses, have financial disasters and are 1 step away from divorce or even murder! Yet outside of Nairaland.com, statistics say otherwise.

While I have been unable to find any stats concerning Nigeria directly (as per Naija factor, I'll bet), I came across this
https://www.wevorce.com/blog/poll-most-marriages-are-happy/

Long story short, 75% of people polled said they were happy up to 75% of the time in their marriages. This is in a country with an almost 50% rate of divorce! When you compare it with Nigeria that has a much MUCH lower rate of divorce then you wonder what Nairaland is all about.

In my small group of 7 couples, only 2 can be seen to have issues in their marriage (they don't come out to say so anyways but we can all see it) 2 out of 7. That rhymes with the stats of about 75% of marriages being happy.

So read these sob stories as what they are - sad stories that represent the percentage of sad stories only. I am not sayong they are fake stories. I am saying we get to hear only the sad stories which in itself is a good thing. It helps the rest of us know what to avoid, and it helps those affected find some therapy and answers.

In summary, most marriages are good. Marriage as an institution is basically a good thing. Your marriage can be good. Your marriage can be fixed. Like everything else in life, you have to work at it.

Most of the people here are very pessimistic and negative. They zoom into the negative and bad aspects and brood on it. They poke holes into positive stories because they believe everyone should be sad and miserable.

You sound pained and bitter about something but you made some valid points.

Indecent exposure should not be hidden under the umbrella of marriage. Lactating mums can cover up but they just choose to bare it all.

Having sex with an inlaw sleeping on the same bed is just low and shameful.

morpheus24:
So all the millions of ladies married to men who do not have the wear with all are all "mumu's" abi or they are just not as sharp as you.

Your kind should not get married at all cause its true essence has lost meaning in this generation where everyone is "living their best life"

I urge you all to remain baby mamas and single mothers make una no give man heart attack.

For those who stand in this sacred institution till the end, I tip my hats off to you. It is not easy to follow the path with the most resistance.

Watch your step because you are just jumping up and down into conclusions.

You obviously did not understand my comment and decided to jump on it and give it your own meaning.

Did I say all ladies should marry rich guys? Men on this forum are so quick to defend struggling guys and condemn the rich ones. You guys get so touchy on this issue and are unable to process simple information.

Please try to process information well before attacking and making baseless conclusions and declarations.

Sorry to burst your bubble...I am married already . And guess what! He was not rich. But unlike you, I won't blame those who married wealthy guys. It's their choice and it's not a bad thing.

darfay:
What a very insensitive to type. The lady you quoted is going through marital pain and I'm sure she cried a lot while typing that down, and you could do is to quote her post just to count scores on good vs bad marriages

Obviously you look at things more critically than normal and you are crying more than the bereaved.

Drink water and be fine.

Good night

Fisher007:
Nope it is just everyone is painting a perfect picture of marriage which we all know is a lie. The rate of infidelity from mostly married people is disgusting to me, and both.husband and wife are aware.

But you all come online and fool the young ones with.sweet.happy ending story. Misery loves company. Keep fooling those willing to buy your stories. When they marry finish una go dey look them talk say go.back and fix it.

Not all marriages have infidelity issues.

Infidelity is not the only issue in marriage.

The fact that someone says they are enjoying their marriage and they will marry the person again doesn't mean the marriage is perfect but they live through their problems.

Siblings disagree and fight every time but they still love each other.

You believe the sad stories without a problem but choose to question the good ones.

If you think I am fooling anyone, that is your personal problem.

Don't let happy marriages pepper your body. You will be fine

Babygal2020:
Marriage isn't a bed of roses. It entails love, understanding, forgiveness and ability to overlook some things.

Who said it was. Even siblings fight but they still love each other. The fact there are disagreements in marriage doesn't mean it's not a happy one.

Some people here don't want to see people say they are enjoying their marriages. Not every story will be a sad one

godblessuyirich:
MY DEAR U HAVE SAID ALL. THE WORST MISTAKE A WOMAN WILL EVER MAKE IS TO MARRY A POOR BROKE GUY AND USED UR MONEY TO MAKE HIS COMFORTABLE. IN MY NEXT LIFE I WILL LOOK FOR A VERY RICH MAN AS HUSBAND. IF I DONT GET ONE I WILL BE A SINGLE MOTHER. I WONT REPEAT THIS MISTAKE WHERE I SPONSOR MARRIAGE, RENTED AND FURNISHED APARTMENT COS IT RUINED ME.HUBBY TOOK IT FOR GRANTED. AFTER 11 YEARS OF MARRIAGE I AM STILL THE ONE PAYING RENT AND TAKEN CARE OF MYSELF AND CHILDREN. I CANT BE SO HAPPY AND ASK FOR EVEN 1000 FROM HUBBY TO MAKE MY HAIR. VERY STINGEN AND SELF CENTERED PERSON. GOD WILL SEE ME THROUGH COS I KNOW IT WILL END IN PRAISE

Guys will not understand when ladies say they cannot marry a "broke" guy. They only align with ladies that want to "grow with" a struggling guy.

I pray everything turns out well for you.

BlackSwan:
Our dating was 2 years, one year long distance and the other year occasionally spending time together in the same house. I didn't used to ask for money then because he was struggling, I was even saving my own for after marriage and not spending on myself because I saw a bright future ahead of us.

Obviously this turned out to be a bad investment. Not all men are worth struggling with. I pray that there will be light at the end of the tunnel for you.

pocohantas:
Women that brag about their men are being hypocritical.

Women that complain of their men are manhating feminist that need love from the same men that shouldn't be bragged about.

There is something very wrong with you and your kind. Confused entities.

We will always have "Thomases".

Let's just welcome them as they display their ignorance.

BlackSwan:
I don't think I will marry him again.
Ungrateful, selfish, stingy, argumentative, sex is all about himself, not caring at all. Just an all round negative person. Only thing he is good at is conversation and gisting, he can't do good for others without expecting something back.
I am 8 months pregnant and was vomiting and rolling on the floor yesterday and he heard from pallor where he was pressing phone, he didn't want to leave his precious Facebook and attend to me so he just sat there and did nothing. After like five minutes he brought our two years old baby to drop with me in the room and returned to the sitting room to continue pressing phone.

This is someone I have passed through all manner of inconvenience to make him comfortable, I spent all my savings from when I was working before marriage to furnish our house after we got married because he didn't have much. My parents sponsored everything about our marriage and all he did was show up and go home, they were even willing to pay for our flight ticket back home but as of today he doesn't talk to them or even call them, just cut them off th totally. They are the ones assisting me with money now that I don't have s job and am pregnant because he doesn't like to give. Last time I asked for money to buy new clothes he came from work that evening and started venting all his anger on me and saying very insulting words because he didn't like the idea of giving me money.
But his unemployed friend outside was receiving monthly stipend of 20000 from him before the guy got a job, his friend that was living with us for 6 months was receiving daily transport fare and recharge cards from him. While the only thing he gives me is market money and that is after he had complained that the money is too much.

I made a big mistake thinking if I started small with him and helped him grow he will appreciate me and treat me well. He is just a very ungrateful and entitled person.

What was your dating like? Was he this selfish? Maybe he has gotten used to you handling all the expenses that it is now hard for him to release his money.

Guys will complain that women do not support. A woman supports and it becomes a major problem.

It was probably never about having much or not but not having the willingness to spend his money on a lady. It's a mindset thing for many guys.

Please look for ways to make him committed in terms of finances. There's always a way

BlackSwan:
I don't think I will marry him again.
Ungrateful, selfish, stingy, argumentative, sex is all about himself, not caring at all. Just an all round negative person. Only thing he is good at is conversation and gisting, he can't do good for others without expecting something back.
I am 8 months pregnant and was vomiting and rolling on the floor yesterday and he heard from pallor where he was pressing phone, he didn't want to leave his precious Facebook and attend to me so he just sat there and did nothing. After like five minutes he brought our two years old baby to drop with me in the room and returned to the sitting room to continue pressing phone.

This is someone I have passed through all manner of inconvenience to make him comfortable, I spent all my savings from when I was working before marriage to furnish our house after we got married because he didn't have much. My parents sponsored everything about our marriage and all he did was show up and go home, they were even willing to pay for our flight ticket back home but as of today he doesn't talk to them or even call them, just cut them off th totally. They are the ones assisting me with money now that I don't have s job and am pregnant because he doesn't like to give. Last time I asked for money to buy new clothes he came from work that evening and started venting all his anger on me and saying very insulting words because he didn't like the idea of giving me money.
But his unemployed friend outside was receiving monthly stipend of 20000 from him before the guy got a job, his friend that was living with us for 6 months was receiving daily transport fare and recharge cards from him. While the only thing he gives me is market money and that is after he had complained that the money is too much.

I made a big mistake thinking if I started small with him and helped him grow he will appreciate me and treat me well. He is just a very ungrateful and entitled person.

Hey fisher007...it's not everyone that has a good story. I guess this is the bad story you have been looking for.

WorldRichest:
Same thing Tonto Dikeh and Tiwas Savage once said. Now, we know better.

Same thing Joke and Olu Jacobs said .

Don't we know better?

Speak for yourself and mind your business.

Starz825:
Money plenty for him hand be that oo

You know that how?

Fabuloski:
You are viewing the money face value. You have to put into consideration the guy's responsibility which is not the same for everyone, projects and the likes.
Moreover, I just don't get it, don't you consider date as an avenue to ask questions and Know each other better or you have other meaning for the word?

Let's not drag things any further. We obviously see things from different angles and points of view.

Fabuloski:
So, if we did get to know each other by asking questions from our respective houses, where would we eventually meet? my house or the same old restaurant?.
The complaint about the girl ordering in the restaurant is not really about the way it sounds, it's about the girl ordering above the stipulated budget.
Let's be real, average Nigerian makes less than 60k per month, I definitely won't advise such person to spend 10k on a day date, really.
I understand that ladies don't want to go to a guy's house on the first date maybe because of security, ergo, going out is the next option.
However, do not break the bank because of a date, it's just for formalities na

It is not about the amount of money spent but the idea or mentality that they can't spend on someone. A guy can be earning 250k but will say he cannot spend more than 4k. Meanwhile another earning 120k will spend 10k or more.

It's the mindset. That's why I said instead of going out and being apprehensive and bitter about spending, stay at home, rather than going out and coming to open a thread on nairaland to vent.

Fabuloski:
Going out should actually be within a budget if you don't want to be sorry at the end of it all. Even if you spend 50k on a date, I assumed you have already calculated in respect to what you actually have.
Come to think of it, date is not about eating, playing arcade or something, it's just an avenue for you to ask questions and get to know each other better. The food is just to replenish your strength if it's talking a long time or just for the tradition.

There are other things aside eating that costs money on a date. Once you are stepping out to hang out, the possibility of spending is high.

Or else we can sit down in our houses and ask away and get to know ourselves. Going out is not a must.

If you take someone to a restaurant for a date, should you guys go and play ludo there? Someone will take a girl to a restaurant and complain that she ordered.

If there's no money for it, guys should avoid outing so that they don't get bitter and pained afterwards

Fabuloski:
Okay

When I want to take someone out or the other way round, no one is forcing anyone. So why go out and now start pinching money and trying to be extra prudent. It's not by force to go out. We can sit down in our houses.

Greatdre:
The little research I made also showed that many people are not happy in their marriages but will come public to display their marriage or spouse as the next best thing. A woman can be receiving consistent beating from the husband on a daily basis but would still display her husband to the outside world as the best man on earth. Thats the kind of society we find ourselves. Nobody wants to be ridiculed for having a bad spouse or union.

Or they will keep quiet and say nothing.

Fabuloski:
That is why I said ideal, ideally what should be the minimum to spend on a date with an ideal factor of your choice?

Minimum could be 10k that I would spend. Depends on my pocket at the time

So if you didn't have sex that night/period, would you have died?

You have already done it without thinking about another person being on the bed. Why bother?

Medicine after death.

Fabuloski:
Okay, what should be the ideal minimum to spend on a date? you might use yourself as an example

You should know that this figure will depend on a lot of factors:

The people involved
The size of your pocket
The place
The mentality
Spending prowess

Etc

YESSSS.....

He makes marriage sooo easy.

I will look for him in my next life and even toast him if I have to

[quote author=favoryte33 post=85825604][/quote]Your question is a rhetorical one, riddled with hasty generalization.

If you haven't met any girl that is worth doing something for, you should search yourself.

[quote author=favoryte33 post=85820660][/quote]Then don't take her out and don't cook for her. Just serve her water and chinchin.

A guy that moves with a girl that is not worth anything is also worthless

It's better not to take a lady out instead of going and budgeting 3k or one ridiculous amount for low quality food. Just enter market and buy chicken, tomatoes...and cook stew and rice and still have change.

I never had an issue paying for my food if I noticed that the guy was trying to be cheap.

kiyosaki1:
Marley is an entertainer yes, he reels out what a moral police like yourseif, judges to be non conformity with the the norm of your so righteous society" which is very perfect" .The last time I checked, the control button is still on the dstv remote and ,as a parent you have the right to buy Internet enable phone for your wards or not to buy at all. May be you don't know parenting goes beyond providing for the needs of your children alone, but to whip them in line ,and to behave according to your set standards . America is a worst society where we have hundreds of naira marely , but we still have millions of teenagers that are not swayed by the so call bad influencers in the society, mainly thanks to good parenting jobs. Am not arguing about Wether marely is a saint or not ,that's not our cocern as a parent, but our main concern is to make sure that our wards are not sway by this so called wolf's out there ,since they would always be there.
If the mother does her duty well as a parent in the first instance, there are tendecies that her child can never, I repeat be swayed by the negatives out there, you can see now that the fault squarely rest with the bulk passing mum.

Are you saying ALL wayward children were not brought up well?

What would you then say about a family with children taught the same values, yet one still strays? You know that happens right?

From Ibadan to Zaria and Jaji. Went for his passing out parade. It was a looong journey.

Definitely depends on the bond and closeness.

yeyeosoronga:
Pregnancy/ periods do make women more irritable, mood swings, etc. All hormonal of course. PMS is a medical condition btw.
Documented medical facts and conditions which all have management in place for them. It can be quite debilitating in some women when they have the extreme form of it.
Do not trivialise it because you have never experienced it as a woman or you will never experience it as a man.
OP, keep apologising. Perhaps some days when your husband is going there to visit, you could send some packed lunch/dinner for his friend. At least you have extended an olive branch . No need to force it though, as I guess he will go back to talking to you when he is ready/ has been able to forget the insult.

But do you believe that there are.some.people that such a woman won't dare lash out to no matter the PMS, pregnancy, etc?

I understand this situation well. They now start thinking you are wicked and you hate kids. Meanwhile they are the ones who don't like their kids....taking them.on a long journey without making them comfortable.

People like this like to use their kids to inconvenience people and now cry fowl when one complains. I have a child and I will take responsibility for my child rather than using sentiments to inconvenience another person.