₦airaland Forum

Not all men cheat. Men who cheat and do not have self control believe that every man cheats...and they always want to generalize this.

And ladies who have cheating partners also tag all men as cheats to make themselves feel better by making the issue a general one

MrNipplesLover:
what does she gain in life if she's nurturing a child that doesn't belong to her?

I'm sure you can never advice ur female cousins or relatives to do that.

this shows that some women who have the same mentality as urs are reasons things are not working fine for marriage... cos they have believed that child can be adopted which is why they don't even need the marriage or father of their babies...

u are right that a lot of things have changed. people just wanna live to please themselves now. some don't even wanna take or have any responsibility if it is not personal.

still why marriage is bullshit nowadays cos alot OT things have changed as u pointed out.

and what I'm seeing in the future of marriage is undesirable and a lot of shiiit awaits us.

mark my word, prostitution and fornication will be more considered than marriage in the soonest future... this is all I have foreseen so far. most of us (excluding me) are still pretending not to be fornicating, or womanizing in the section of men... in the women section, a lot of women are still pretending and hiding that they are cheating on their men and codedly prostituting. but soonest, the world won't care anymore. though, we can still see it happening now.


so, my sister, we all have our opinions on marriage.

It is not a mentality but a reality. I am talking based on things that are happening. Two of my sister's friends have one child each...adopted as babies. My aunty is in her 50s and is divorced. She has a daughter who should be 10yrs old...she adopted her.

My friend that i saw when she was pregnant actually adopted her baby(i got to discover that she didn't actually give birth but adopted a baby). And these children will be loved like their biological kids.

Situations have made people seek other alternatives to be happy. At least there is nothing wrong with adopting a child legally. You are even doing a great thing foe the society.

I like marriage and still believe in it (at least i am enjoying mine) but if someone feels life threatened or depressed in a marriage, i won't despise the person's decision to leave.

MrNipplesLover:
I left the financial part aside cos generally, men should be responsible for the financial provisions. but u made it sound as if women are the ones mandated for it.
if as a woman, u are being financially burdened in ur home, it shows that ur man is lacking it which u are taking the responsibilities. it also shows that u understand the financial challenges ur husband is facing which is why u volunteer to assist. so, that should not be attached to women complains.


and yes, we are all looking for whom to marry (both man and woman). I agree.

but, when we look at age effects, men don't care to marry at 50, but no woman wanna hit 40 (40 is even much) before getting d ring on it. which causes d desperations in women... is this lie too?

Times have changed. A woman can be unmarried at 50 and adopt a baby. A lot of priorities have changed people live their lives to be happy with or without a spouse.

MrNipplesLover:


u funny.

why I say u funny is cos u keep hitting on domestic responsibilities... cos if this is still ur reason, u are not defending it rightly.

u should not forget that all women were trained from home to be a good domestic and culinary handler for the future (matrimony)... so if u keep lamenting on house chores and children wahala, I'm not buying it.

for that one leaving her husband, perhaps she didn't choose wisely. cos if a woman had chosen the right man for her, there won't be any reason for leaving. except she wanna be a wayward woman, by choice.




on ur last statement (that I starred):

I agree with u on that. some homes are not happy, or going well. but once a child in involved, then something must be considered.
but, that doesn't change the fact that lots of women out there are looking for a man to have as their MR, while they are MRS.

still, to me, marriage is all bullshit cos of what we are having now. the future of marriage would be undesirable. one of the reasons is ur stance

Even if you believe we were trained to cook, clean and take care of kids, i am sorry to be the one to break this to you...but it is still heavy load and stress and something that is done with time and energy. Besides, who said domestic responsibilities are reserved for women alone?

And what about the financial aspect? You conveniently left that part out.

Men are also looking for women to wife also...it is not peculiar to women.

Elder0001:
Trust me ,Nigerian women take all those bullshît because of what they gain from marriage.
Ask yourself why women don't leave abusive ,cheating and paedophilia partners?
It's not necessarily because of what people say but because of what they tend to gain from the marriage and what they'll lose if they leave.

The average man is trained right from his youth to be the saviour of the woman , physically, spiritually and financially . Men are advised to be this and that before entering into marriage but the only things women are told is to be beautiful and respectful ,am I from another planet?

You keep saying that women gain.

What exactly do they gain? You have not mentioned it.

CHoccolaTE:
I fully agree.
Its just so horrifying the crap many women have to tolerate to stay peacefully married.
In many homes the wives are the ones supporting the family financially either because the husband earns far less than her or because the husband is facing financial difficulties but they don't go outside to complain about it, the wife keeps silent and bears her cross so that people will not accuse her of being arrogant and insulting her husband. But let a man be only one supporting the home financially, that is when you see them disrespecting their wives because they think she is just sitting at home and getting fat on their hard earned money. Some will even start openly cheating on her as if the cooking, housekeeping and childcare she is doing is not a full time job on its own.
Men are typically not encouraged to fight to keep the home in one peace even if they are the so called leaders, the general consensus in a backward shithole like Nigeria is that the woman is the homebuilder.

It is those women who are made to feel like their husbands did them a favour by marrying them and they have to do everything to "keep" him. That is the problem.

Plus as you pointed out, the general idea is that women are the ones who make the home. So...apologize even when he is wrong for peace to reign...turn a blind eye when he cheats and still open your legs for him not considering the possibility of STDs...still for peace to reign.

How does this in any way make a woman benefit more?

MrNipplesLover:
if these are your reasons to back up ur first statement, then you are absolutely wrong with first statement.


women, nowadays, don't care about all those things u typed up there. all they want is being a woman to be tagged as"married" (Mrs).

ur points were what feminists capitalized on when the revolution started. now, they are repenting. seems u don't know how many then-feminists are married lately.

Who told you women do not care about this? You think it is easy to carry the family financially and do all the domestic and children wahala? Who cares about "Mrs" now. More and more women want peace of mind and genuine love and care if they can find it.

One of my babes is at the verge of leaving her husband. Her family all round have told her that they will support whatever she decides. People are no more close minded and bent on "stay for the sake of the children"..."stay and build your home". If the guy is not living up, move on.

fraspree:
“Firstly women over-30 have a lower fertility. If you want to build a family with these old donkeys be prepared to possibly have a downs syndrome child.

When you marry a 30+ woman, you’re marrying her 30+ joysticks she’s had over her long life on earth. She has more bodies than a grave yard.

Women over-30 are very bitter from the wasted prime spent on failed relationships she hoped would lead to marriage.
Now that you’re marrying her, she should be grateful, but she’s not. She’s always just angry.

By marrying a woman over 30+ you are investing everything in a rapidly depreciating pleasure provider that has already lost a lot of its aesthetic value…

She will be wrinkled in the next 5 years and already having back problems.

Many guys these days are marrying early 30’s women, and then, almost immediately – Bam!.

It’s over almost before it began. Its because you are trying to make ancestors housewives. Leave these dinosaurs.
Marrying an over-30 woman is like buying a used car 1Km short of its 120,000km servicing.

The over-30 woman can fix herself up enough to fool the prospective provider/hubby for a short while, and once the line that is dotted is signed her true colours come out.

Many women who are not married in their late 30s today ever saw it coming.
They had a plan: finish their first degree, masters, a job, a promotion, make money, be independent and settle down by 30, latest 32.
Over the years, they turn down potential husbands, go on a partying spree like they have frozen time, only to arrive at 35 with nothing to show for it other than a dead end job, a car, and sometimes a child from a relationship that never quite worked out.

So, now they are stuck in a phase where they will never find a man of their dreams and have to settle for any man who will be gracious enough to even suggest marriage.

By now, all those flimsy and shallow standards they used to have are gone, humility is their second name.

I have seen many women on Twitter in their 20s buy into the misguided, feminist belief that men & marriage are bad for their academic & career advancement.

What feminism does not factor in is that the older a woman get, the less a chance she stands of marrying someone desirable.
This is a fact of life, don’t come here with your Nywe Nywe Nywe misogyny… VOETSEK

Very few men would marry a 35+ woman when we live in a highly hypergamous (act of marrying someone wealthier than you) society.
There are plenty of young and hot beautiful women ready to settle into a marriage where they play the second fiddle as long as the man provides.
It is good to be ambitious, even better to break the stupid glass ceilings, but at what price?

Bottom line, at some point, you will need a man in your life. My experience of having observed women 30+ has proven that they mostly live a life full of regrets.

Let me share with you from my observations the signs that a woman is likely to end up single, and lonely and stay away from these types!!

1. She values education and career over marriage and relationship. She’s always throwing statements like “Marriage isn’t an achievement”

2. At age 30+ she has more liquor in her refrigerator than fruits and vegetables.

3. She can take down more shots than any of her peers at 30+ who have kids

4. She’s into smoking cigarettes and addicted to weed.

5. Her idea of fun at age 30+ is a night out with the girls.

6. At age 30+ she still insists on only dating men based on what their career is or according to his achievements. “He’s a lawyer” “He’s a doctor” “He’s an engineer” “He’s Successful.

7. The idea of cooking for a man is a total turn-off to her.

8. She has never forgiven her father for abusing her mother, or her first boyfriend used to abuse her and she now thinks every man is violent and controlling.

9. She is so much into fashion, and hair-styling she doesn’t want to be identified as being old in her circles

10. Her job involves a lot of travelling.

11. She can easily find a parking spot at Taboo than her way to church.
My brother if you find an ancestor over 32+ Love yourself…… run for your life from these dinosaurs.

Keep running your mouth and you will have a down syndrome child feom a fresh, young below 30 wife. God's creation cannot be mocked. Enjoy your down syndrome baby.

Learnstuffs:
This psycho again

As in ehn!! Always asking with different scenarios if his wife will cheat on him

Elder0001:
Women need marriage more than men need marriage.

Women gain more from marriage.

Not anymore.

Women are burdened with a lot of responsibility in marriage while the guy just sits back and controls.

She is expected to do the chores, take care of the children and still contribute financially(sometimes even more) but the guy still wants that authority...control...submission...final say. And you say women benefit more?

Many women are just staying for one reason or the other. If they had their way, they would leave with their children instead of adding a big baby to their burden especially one that is not of any tangible or visible assistance to her and the family.

CHoccolaTE:
Marriage is a scam to take advantage of women. I have been saying this on Nairaland for years, see this thread

https://www.nairaland.com/1265450/why-men-think-womens-lives#15355649

How can society expect women to be breadwinners like their husbands and at the same time be subjected to the husband's authority and and obey him and even bear his name as if her father that raised her his own name is useless. Big scam.
If a woman starts taking care of her husband financially then they are now equal partners but Nigerian men will never agree.
They want a housemaid and baby machine and ATM
They want a woman that will ignore their cheating and pray for them
Some sef don't lift hand to do housework at all but would go berserk if their wives decide to leave job of breadwinning to them.

Let marriage go obsolete, it's better for women.
If only men can stop shaming spinsters that are old and unmarried maybe more people will be more comfortable with the idea that marriage isn't a do or die affair

I wish i could tap "like" 100 times.

I don't think they know what they are getting themselves into. The ceremony looks so shabby. It is supposed to be a memorable day for them, it had to be well planned even if not expensive.

Even if people are in love, they need to weigh their options and plan for expected and unexpected expenses. What if they have twins or triplets? They will start blaming Buhari.

Anyway good luck to them.

Reminds me of my friend who had a serious craving for beer when she was 9months pregnant. She drank and drank until she was caught. They just noticed that beer was just disappearing from the fridge till she was caught red handed .

The baby is fine and will be 2 soon.

If I can sleep on the same bed with our son , why can't my husband sleep on the same bed with our daughter?

Try Reed a Dream(the one in the big can)It is an insecticide in a purple can. Very effective. Then get rid of stagnant water around you

*Leaving

sacramento1212:
Yes they are part of the list in most parts of ibibio land. Even though it can sometimes be annoying, if the means is there, do it and close the chapter. Tradition varies from tribe to tribe. But the problem usually lies with greedy families. My sister's own was waved by my Dad since he's the head of the family because my grand parents are no more so it makes absoultely no sense to collect items for them.

My dad was late but thank God for my elder brother. My husband and his family were able to negotiate and my husband did it the way he could. You dont have to bring 10 crates if the ask for 10, i realise that you can bring 4 and everyone is ok.

My husband did all but one section and we moved on. But when my mother died, he had to fulfil that section before the burial

joeruano:
I felt like ending it there since people get scared to read long posts but since the popular Hungerbad has requested for the remainder, let me oblige him.

Can you please show me the list, He brought the list out and here are the items enlisted:

The Requirements for the marriage process are:

One big black goat
2 bottles of dry gin
2 crates of beer
3 crates of minerals
2 crates of malt
#10,000 for the mother
#20,000 for the father

List of Traditional Marriage Items for the Father of the Bride (Mkpo Ete)

One black goat
One bottle of 3-in-1 whiskey
One carton of schnapps
Wrappers like Hollandis, George materials
Cartons of Assorted beers
Bicycle
Walking staff
Limestone, Kola and Snuff
One shirt, socks and singlet
One hat, Umbrella, walking stock
Agreed amount of money (in cash only)

List of Traditional Marriage Items for the Mother of the Bride (Mkpo Eka)

One native goat
One bottle of brandy
One lace material
Cartons of beers
One shoe, bra, head tie and a box filled with under wears
4 crates of soft drinks
Wrappers like Hollandis, George Material
One lace blouse, head gear and accessories
Cash for the money ranging from #50,000

List of Traditional Items for the Extended Family of the Bride (Mkpo Ndito Ette)

One carton of beer
2 crates of soft drinks
Tobacco
Bitter kola
A bottle of Schnapps
Amounts in cash

This list is not even complete. Mine included requirements for my grandmothe(who was late ny the way), requirements for the youth in the village, requirements for my grandpa, asking money(that was in the introduction list).

The list was about 3pages...crazy

Then...when they beat without hearing you out.

But as an adult, they hardly interfered.

Now i would give anything to have them around amd interfer all they want

No point sniffing food that you do not intend to eat

Beets:
i cant stop laughing.....

firstly, u cannot get plantain 100naira in lagos but u can in some other states

2ndly, where is the acct for the fried rice abi no be fried rice be dt...

3rdly, chicken half kilo 400naira abi na chicken head,lung n leg u buy ����

Lol...the "vegetables" he put there is probably the veggies for the fried rice...carrot, green peas, etc.

Half kilo of chicken cannot be that much

soviete:
why should there be trouble at all?? Thanks to science.. There are lots of ways to avoid trouble . What ur message sounds to me is like "if u r not ready to have children don't have sex" is that what u mean??

If you cannot be responsible and supportive when the girl falls pregnant, don't have sex.

If you will run, start speaking grammar or questioning her actions/loyalty especially when you know she is genuine, don't have sex.

If you are not ready to be responsible, you should not have sex. That is what i mean.

Fuel for the gen

soviete:
I'm a boy infact i wanna be forever young naughty '' woman" that thinks a guy that's not ready to take responsibility should not have sex... Rubbish...

Sweety having sex is a lot of responsibility. It is a decision. And anyone ready to run at the first sight of trouble should not bother going into it.

I hope this explains my statement before people be quoting me and expressing ignorance.

soviete:
I'm not sorry tho

Naah...i don't expect you to be.

When you are a man, you will know better.

luckygeee:
u dont deserve a good orgasm

I see that you do not like the truth.

Thank God you are not in charge of what i deserve.

soviete:
Go Bleep yourself, sis

I wish i understood your pain and the reason for your response. However i think it is uncalled for.

Women cheat more? If women cheating have increased by 30%, thay means the men cheating have increased by 70% .

Women are not cheating more than men. Many men don't even see cheating as bad. They now have an official side chick. Women have not reach that stage yet.

That blood that is even more important than the blood of Jesus to many guys.

Anyone that is afraid of responsibility should not have sex.

400 naira for half kilo of chicken or little chicks?

If i hear that it is half kilo in that pot ehn...maybe he owns the poultry sha.