I am also studying for phd in Petroleum Engineering .I take very good care of myself, dress properly and look very good.I always see the surprise on peoples faces when i say i am a research student. I go to the gym. Just because you are intelligent does not mean you should look unattractive. I think what attracts the guy first is the beauty, then he approaches you and gets to know you better.I think men are attracted to intelligent women. Beauty + brains is a plus .Please do take care of your appearance.If you look very plain without makeup, then you can apply very minimal makeup. At the end of the day you won't hug your degree.

I had a friend of mine that came for holiday too. He went on bragging of his fantastic life in Nigeria.How he earns so much .How he can't imagine himself living in the UK. My dear i kept quiet all through. Time to shop, i took him to Selfridges. To even enter, im mind first cut. Then he started checking out price and said na wah oh, i told you i want to shop , you brought me to this kind of place. I said sorry , i thought you were very rich, na here rich people dey shop.My dear we finally ended up in cheaper shops. To me its just complex that makes people brag like dat. Your cousin is probably jeloused of your own life, hence always wanting to put ur life style down.

Its better you declare your intentions from the start, but take things slow, get to know each other. If u go as a friend, my dear once you are kept in that friend zone, you will always remain there.The only time u will be upgraded to boyfriend is if the girl has no boyfriend, potential boyfriend or chyker. You will be the last resort when she has nothing going on for her.

Yes forgive and forget.Love holds no grudge. Learn from it and drop it and move on.Both of you should learn the best way to communicate with each order. Your wife most likely will be feeling bad for threatening you with a divorce. Some people do no know how to control their anger. They act before they think about the repercussion.

Your wife threatening you with divorce is not proper. But at the same time , you should learn how to compromise, how about talking with your friend once a week for 4hours instead.And let her know that particular time is for your friend. I dont think both of you have proper communication. You complain your wife is stubborn ,i see you as being stubborn also.You don't see anything wrong with what you are doing , you are married now. Nobody is saying you should end your friendship, your wife probably feels left out. It takes people with matured minds to stay married. There is no point calling your friend, how many times does he call you to come and sort his marital problems. Sit your wife and talk with her, both of you should come to a compromise.

Just because someone does not see things the way you do, does not make dem local. This thought is very common with women abroad, he is not exposed, he is local.You should learn how to be open minded and be open to other peoples views. I am very sure someone like you will talk down at d guy or frown at anything he says because to you, you are very western and exposed.Is d guy lazy? What makes you think he won't make more money than you someday. My dear come down from your high horse and start thinking straight.

You should't have sent the text and when he told you not to go, u should have listened. The problem with non physical communication is that the person has to imagine your tone of voice and facial expression when reading the message even when u may not mean it d way you sent it. Next time no matter how angry you are with anybody ,never send a text message to that person. In case you don't know d text message sounds insultive. How will you feel if someone comes to tell you that your own brother is not doing her a favour to marry her.Won't you tell your whole family, statement like that is what you can make where your friends are or family not the guys family. You should really learn how to control your tongue for next time. If you really want to be with him i suggest you apologise to his brother. If you are close the anybody in his family go and talk with them.

The so called bad girls are usually free spirited and find it easy to blend with guys ,hence easier for them to mix with guys and eventually get married. But most of these good girls are very uptight, stuck in their ways. They give themselves unnecessary standards and guidelines they have to follow anything that goes beyond that they are not interested. Attracting a man goes beyond attending church regularly, being anti social, knowing how to cook, being a virgin.

I don't blame your father inlaw, i blame your wife.If she does not allow it he will not do it. She obviously does not have respect for her marriage or else y will u allow ur father to insult your husband.

My best friend is a sickler , she is married has been married for four years now i was her maid of honour. She is happily married with two beautiful daughters. I remeber when i travelled to lagos for her wedding and heard her husband talking to her doctor on the phone, i almost cried because when we were growing up people always told her she will never see a man that will marry her, guess what she got married before those girls and her husband adores her. So yes my friend you will get married. When ever i tell people she has to kids now i always see the shock on their faces , Just have faith and be optimistic. So stop hiding your genotype.

@ poster why not try to work hard also and make something for yourself instead of waiting for a well to do man to come and take care of you. A good man is very hard to see these days , and when you meet one its is advisable to stick to that one. The most important thing is that he is hard working , so the money will come later. Would you rather stay with a rich man that treats you like trash or stay with a hardworking young man that treats you like a queen?

Its very sad to hear people say its okay not to admit the boy because he is a muslim. And people wonder why Nigeria is still this backward.

Intelligent, honest, good heart, good manners, down to earth, good communicator,kind, caring, God fearing.

@ skyone and who told u dat ladies dat got married above thirty are not happy about it. The problem with Nigerians is dat they think a womans life ends and begins in marriage. I will say it again not everybody is supposed to get married in their twenties. Getting married to d the right person at any age is the most important thing.

@ skyone you said 80% of women and not all the women in UK get married before 30. So in every society there will still be ladies that will get married above thirty.

What is it with some guys in nairaland, always bringing up threads to bash Nigerian women. NOT EVERYBODY IS SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED AT A YOUNG AGE. WHICH OTHER SOCIETY HAVE YOU SEEN ALL THE WOMEN GETTING MARRIED BEFORE 30. GETTING MARRIED EARLY DOES NOT GAURANTEE A SUCCESFUL MARRIAGE.

@jennykadry i really like your comment concerning this issue. It is really not normal. Its d mans duty to be there 100% for his family. How will u be in the office till 1am and not call your wife to tell her.A pregnant lady for that matter you will leave alone at home. She should take out time to discuss her concerns with the man. All d people telling her its nothing, she should be happy he is still coming back home as if he is doing her a favour to stay married to her. Blaming the woman that it might be her fault he is acting dis way, if you are not happy with your wifes attitude why not tell her than neglecting the woman. @ poster this is not normal abeg, i feel sry for and i hope you will look for a diplomatic way to sort this your problem out , because this is obviously a big problem for you.

For me as a lady i feel i should dress appropriate. I like to look elegant and classy and not slutty. I don't believe in exposing too much. I wear d right clothes for any occasion.

@ poster don't feel bad, there is nothing wrong in wanting a good man. People here can call u anything they like but d most important thing is dat you knw yourself and the kind of person you are. There is time for everything in life and when its your time you will meet a good man. You said u don't have an outrageous list when it comes to your choice for a man, so u don't have to worry yourself. Don't settle for what you are not comfortable with and do not become what you are not to please people. For now enjoy being single and keep an open mind because the more you dwell on it you will become desperate. There are still good men in Nigeria.

@ poster, there are still good men just be patient you will get to meet one.

@ cotton101, i appreciate your courage, not many women can make up their minds and leave such abusive marriage , they will rather stay until the man kills them. In Nigeria today there are so many women suffering in their marriages from verbal abuse, physical abuse and emotional abuse but they will rather die inside because of fear of what people will say or think of them.God will give you the strength to start all over again.

It is only a man with low self esteem that will beat a woman . Why can't he fight his fellow men outside when they insult him or make him angry. Its sad because some of these men even beat their wives to death and go scot free. Recently i saw an old friend and i asked her of another friend of ours that i had not seen for a long time. She told me that the girl died 3 years ago, she was beaten to death by her husband. I asked where the husband was and she said he has remarried. Can you imagine.

I don't think both of u actualy knew the responsibilities of being married before getting married.

Sry about you mother's health. Your mum has her reasons for wanting to be buried in the US. She probably does not want to you guys to go through to much stress . I think you should take your mums wish. You can always settle with her relatives.

MRBROWNJAY , its an advice its either she takes it or leaves it. But sometimes drastic actions are necessary in he early stages so you don't get too tied up and start struggling to leave if you eventually find out he is hiding something. @ poster its your choice , i am just being very real here, maybe you want me to sugarcoat it like other people. Deep down inside you, you know there is something wrong, most times your instincts don't fail. So please you don't have to take my advice, be patient with him .

Give him an ultimatum its either he takes you to his place or you will end the relationship. If he doesn't please just walk away ,the relationship is still very young. Some men are very crafty. I have been in this situation before i met everybody brothers, friends, uncle. I was introduced as fiancee but he never took me to his place. He had d perfect story he is squatting with married friend, d place is not presentable but with time he will get a place. He was charming i believed, but my mind was not still at rest so i started digging and I found out he was married with kids. I left immediately but till today he still denys being married even with all my proof. Today i am dating someone we are not having sex but i know were he lives. No matter how bad a mans house is at least he will take you there.

Kalabari marriage is expensive. You have to do what they call BIBIFE buying of mouth. I think the best person to ask is your girlfriend to give you the breakdown. Then if the girls family is understanding you can cme to some kind of arrangement. But if youn want to the real kalabari tradtional marriage its expensive.

Six months , its even a new relationship. Y not take time to knowing the person better his good and bad, what makes both of u angry and happy together. A man spending money on you does not make him a good boyfriend and does not mean he loves you. You need to change your orientation about relationships or else you will end up with the wrong person.

I won't judge you but what i will tell you is that no matter how hard it is for you. You should try and leave the man. You will be surprised how doors will start to open for you and your family .What if something happens to the man and he cannot provide for you what will you do? look for another married man? So just look at it like dat and try your best to leave.Somehow you will survive, maybe your parents will be forced to start to start hussling for your siblings. I am sorry but you have selfish parents who will sit down and allow their daughter to sell herself to take care of their own responsibilities. Have you ever for one day considered the mans wife and kids. Put youself in the womans shoes. Do you know how many times he has neglected his own family just to meet your own needs. Besides you will end up wasting your life cos i bet you,he will not ever let you go,you are his investment and probably will become a mistress for life.I don't think you even have a relationship. You spend all your time with someones husband, at the end of the day . Have you gone to his house to see how he treats his wife maybe because of you. You have an option .

Use medium or low heat , but not too low so it does not take too long, don't use very high heat or it will get burnt . After peeling the plantain , cut it in the middle ,make sure it does not get to the end of the plantain so you won't divide the plantain into two halves, this is to make sure the heat gets into the plantain to roast the inside also not only outside the plantain. then open up the cut you made in the middle to expand it and create a hole in the middle of the plantain. Then you can put in the oven.

I guess you guys dated before you got married, you should at least know him very well to know how to make him do something. Your husband is feeling as if you want to control him and hence he will act stubborn. Maybe u send ur message across either shouting, rudely, nagging or abusive. There is nobody that cannot change , but it is the way u approach the situation that will matter.Your case is not different most Nigerian men don't help out in the house, so don't make a big fuss out of it.

I don't c any reason y you should be worried. Your girl friend is obviously very comfortable with you and trust you that is why she told you about her parents marriage. If she did not see anythng wrong with her parents behaviour, she will take sides with one of her parents and even keep it away from you. Then wen you get married to her she will exhibit the same behaviour as her mum or dad. But obviously she is not happy with their behavior and for her not to like it means she is different from them and will not want to have the same type of marriage they have , hence will try her best not to go through or want her kids to go through the same thing.