₦airaland Forum

TV01: -----------You command your household sir; and that includes wives, children, in-laws, out-laws, friends, whatever. Particularly so in the Naija context as some of them are just mickey takers

First don't listen to any of the "womanly" advice on this thread. If they have their way, they'll have you baking "I Love MIL cupcakes". If I could swear eh!

For me opportunity came to spell it out before we were actually married. Omo, I grabbed it with both hands. We went for a "gathering" of my WTB' family. I'd already said "no wedding talk" as this was regards something and someone else. As it happened - and it was always going to with a dozen or so females in attendance - the girls stated discussing the wedding. At one point one of my wife's sisters - the dominant one - questioned my family input.
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1. Your wife is off-message. Start your remedial action here. Remnd her of what you are both committed to, your achievements thus far, your future plans and your joint priorities. That should be the prosperity of your union without fear or favour. Remind her of the effort and sacrifice you've both made and the danger of letting your MIL' behaviour going unchecked. Agree a plan with her. (communication with your wife has been impaired, restore that. And note it may not be a conversations job. It may take time. Be patient).

2. The plan is for MIL' departure - preferably on the next coach outta town. You should be the one to tell her. Best with your wife present, but mute or possibly chipping in to support you 100%. Choose your words wisely, "you appreciate the time she spent and the support she's given....yada, yada...but you'd like some time alone as a family...don't expalin 0! Command dammit!

3. If you can't successfully accomplish 1. above you have a bigger problem than you think.

4. Presumably you are not beholden to MIL or any IL in any way?

5. All the best. Please update us.

Regards
T - commanding like a Field Marshal - V

Lol @I love MIL cupcakes

I agree with poster TV01 to some extent. Weeks ago I was telling a man (that came to the forum to report that his wife is abusing him physically) that it is the shoulder that you give to others that they lean on and that he has to stand up for himself. A man or woman should not allow others to walk all over him/her but he/she should be tactful while at it too. When things get commanding it may take excitement out of marriage, seem like a man is heaving too much on his spouse/lording over her and make a wife feel enslaved to such a commanding man as well as make her develop unnecessary fear of her husband who is supposed to be her love partner.

che che: @ all tanx for your comments, i have been living peacefully with my wife until now, this Baby now is our 3rd child. before now i use to have little misunderstanding with my wife which we never allowed to see the nxt day. but this time, for the past 3 weeks we ve not been discussing as husband and wife again, only when she needs sumting from my pocket. last nite [b]i came back late as a result of traffic, i was surprised when my wife's mother started shouting at me. [/b]i dont know if im married to her or my wife

Na you carry chair give her make she siddon for your house dey shout at you?
What kind of a woman goes for Omugwo and begins to shout on his son-in-law? She does not know her boundaries. The sooner you get a mature member of her family say her children or her husband to gently persuade her to leave the house (if possible without them making it known to her that you want her out)the better for you. Your keeping it a secret from her that you are the one that asked that she leave is not because she does not deserve to know but just to not keep blowing the matter and causing more ill feelings. A real mother on an Omugwo at her child's home respects herself, is hardly heard as in keeps a low profile and does not affect the happiness of her child's home negatively.

If her husband is alive just take him out and discuss the matter with him or even her own son, they already know how she is and you can tell them that you are going thru a difficult time with your wife and needs a lil privacy to sort things out and save your marriage. They can entice her home with one story or the other and voila she is out. Don't let your wife know that you want her mother out too, it can only create more malice between you and her.

Jeez! Rest in Peace to the dead.

I remember wondering what will become of those properties around that bar beach whenever I pass that place on my way to work inside Victoria Island several years ago and now that is almost happening. This is because the Ocean level keeps rising, the bar beach I knew in 2002 was different from bar beach in 2006 with a great portion of the beach side claimed by the ocean which made me wonder how much more lands the ocean will keep covering with years.

I love relaxing by the beach and I consider a house with a sea view heavenly yet I don't think it is the best investment to build around the sea as it can be claimed by water someday unless one just wants to enjoy the benefit of the investment(tourism/domestic) for the while and forget about the property when it gets swallowed up.

Kobojunkie: I have a hard time believing this@Poster. You dated her for a period, right? If religion was so important to you, you would have more seriously ensured that she converted BEFORE the wedding. The problem with many cases where people try to use silly things like religion,weight, height,sexual-orientation etc as reason for divorce, is that many of them had time, and information enough to tackle those issues before making the vow to love that person, AS-IS, for life. If you believed she was in the "WRONG" religion, why did you bother allowing the wedding to take place in a catholic church?

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I personally do not get the attachment people have to churches given that Jesus was neither an Anglican, nor Catholic, nor pentecostal - not even Orthodox or Episcopalian. Jesus never set up a church when he was here. . . He never told any of his disciples to build for him a church. The command was to go into the world and preach the Gospel to all, healing the sick and those in need. I mean attending church is great but carrying church on your head is a whole 'nother thing that people don't realize is not called for.

@Kobojunkie
Your post and that of Shebibaby are very mature and nice. I don't see what the kind of church has got to do with worshipping and following God for christians except it is a church that one considers unhealthy for one's spiritual life. I myself I am Catholic as well as Pentecostal and if I happen to be around an Anglican church when they play me that their sweet organ/Piano and sing heaven-like song for me I will become an Anglican for that moment and enjoy sweet song, have my spirit lifted and communicate with God in the spirit. It's all about the Lord, Alleluiah! (Hey before I get excited up for God)------

All the same, our fore mothers have been submissive with religion and attend the one their husbands attend when they get married. I understand this attachment people have to their church and finding it difficult to change so poster you and your wife should reach a compromise. She should be the wife and be attending your church but if she still wants to fellowship in her church you can let her do so sometimes----from what you said you are ready to do that for her so she is the one being difficult. Get her to see that she is making you unhappy by not being considerate. She even promised to attend and got you to wed in her church and now she can't keep her promise, that is not fair on you. It isn't every Nigerian man that can do that for fear of being called a "woman wrapper" or something.

Your comment about her being 36 and you guys having no children yet shows that you are worried about that, both of you should work on that which I 'm sure you are doing. She can still have a handful of children as long as she is m*nstruating. Some women have had children at 38,39,40 depending on their body make-up.

Too much parents-in-law intrusion in this your marriage, what are they doing deciding and commanding how much you should give your husband? What kind of cuddly-baby man is that in this age and time, the decision of what to put together financially, your family budget, spending, saving and planning are solely for you and your husband. If you are working, you definitely can't have the heart not to pull resources together with your husband on certain things even if you want to have your own personal financial plans by the side that is apart from your plans with your husband.

It is the responsibility of a man to care for his wife but wives also help their husbands. There are even times he will not have a penny and at such times if you have----you should save the day and make sure that your family eat and are happy. No condition is permanent, it isn't written that a man will always have money at hands so put heads together with your husband. Somebody seriously needs to tell his parents to back off and mind their business so that both of you can get a breath of fresh air therein.

Genius100: Dude, you married a self centered ingrate. You married someone that is not fit to be a wife otherwise she would care about making things right in the relationship. My advise to you: Stand your ground; don't budge to her demands and watch how you spend your money. Get a girlfriend on the side and stop showing the wife any attention till she comes to her senses. Just be discrete with the girlfriend, use protection and don't get carried away. It's unfortunate that women like her do not change until something drastic happens... I know women will tell you not to listen to my advise, but as a correct guy man that's dated some self centered women, na correct advise I give you.

Nnaa how long will he date the gilfriend kwanu while waiting for wify to come to her senses. Shouldn't he be opening up to the wife the very way he opened up to the public here. They don't communicate well at all and yes I agree with you, the wife is self centred and insensitive. All she cares about is "spending the money" without realizing how unhappy and troubled her husband is.

Poster you need to be a man too, how can a woman be only collecting from you like that and you were not explaining your financial standings to her so that you guys can be a bit frugal with spending out your capital? You need to have a good discussion with your wife about your financial state and the "P*ssie stinginess" wey she dey do you----chei! (We mustn't laugh too much as you are hurting----kpele). Cut your spendings according to your ability and explain to madam say "a married dude gotta get his p*ssie"----at six month's she supposed to have healed perfectly, come to think of it---she had CS.
Be patient with her poster, she may be having difficulties in coming to terms with being a mother or her hormones may still be unsettled. Why doesn't she excite you anymore? Don't run away from your marriage, communicate with her, sort out the problems and get the spark back into your marriage. If she can't do business, help her get work to do or she can use her hands is she is skilled at something.

@Poster
To me the dumbest woman on earth is one who is moving around with the tat of a man (an ex) who is chilling with another woman. I love tattoos but only very sophisticated looking tattoos.
Oh my gosh! I intend to get some sweet tattoos soon. I have absolutely no tat right now but I am going to get some. I like tattoos written in chinese or Japanese language, they look sophisticated to me. I also like letterred words tattoo like the one Megan fox has on her waist and back. I like some of Rihanna's tattoos because some are lettered words and she has them on places others never thought of tattooing on: the side of her body, her neck,shoulder, running down sideways from her shoulder----that girl is so fashion forward.

Hey, back to the topic at hand before I started gushing on and on about wanting me some tattoos. I don't think that tattooing the name of your spouse on your body signifies true love but I think that it's cute for a couple to get same tattoo of something unique that signifies their bond, I mean such things strengthens a union. The name of one's children is okay by me but such should be in a hidden place. I don't find it wise to move around with names of your relations splashed on visible places of the body, even yahoo yahoo boys can cash in on that and use that to play/deceive or cheat an unsuspecting person.

Ivynwa: The gay man in that picture resembles a certain shameless and very confident gay man I see around that goes about wearing anything he likes, ladies boots and wears. I am so sure that is him. Only that guy can have the confidence to pose in a picture like that. I always laugh when I see him, he loves attention like crazy. Once I was hanging out with friends and he came in there and danced up the place, dances like a woman and he was feeling on top of the world as all eyes were on him.

@Swtchicgurl
Girl I told you that the man you have in that picture looks like a face I see around. I showed the picture to my colleague at work today and he confirmed that he is the one. They call him "Saucy Pow" and he is a bit famous in his place. Sometimes I see him moving with some gay crowd of men acting up like women and not even giving a hoot who cares. I watched one of his pals dance and wine like a woman once and was like "What?". He himself I heard has a contract running with a big business place/dances for a big bar/club kind of place in a popular beach where they said that he pulls crowd. I don't know why he is famous but he pulls crowd when he dances and when he dresses up like that, people can't help watching him.I haven't seen a confident person like that guy.

I just googled him and was amazed at what came out,he has a facebook page from where I saw more crazy pictures that I have below. I am seeing videos of his dancing in youtube. If anybody wants to understand this character better you gotta watch these videos. Please please we are not clapping for "ajo ife"/"nyamanyama thing" (abeg i take style talk am for naija slangs). It's just for the laughs, I always laugh when I see him acting up and wants you to share in that laughter.

The gay man in that picture resembles a certain shameless and very confident gay man I see around that goes about wearing anything he likes, ladies boots and wears. I am so sure that is him. Only that guy can have the confidence to pose in a picture like that. I always laugh when I see him, he loves attention like crazy. Once I was hanging out with friends and he came in there and danced up the place, dances like a woman and he was feeling on top of the world as all eyes were on him.

Is anybody interested in doing business on Asphalt importation into Nigeria? I happen to have one or two contacts to the controllers of the largest natural deposit of Asphalt in the world, the Pitch lake. They told me how they've been to Nigeria to scout for dealers and did not meet the right persons or something. They export Asphalt to regions of the world like South America, Europe, Australia and some countries in Africa. Anybody interested in it or that has contacts in the Federal Ministry of Petroleum resources can contact me at ivorybt@yahoo.com.

Asphalt is used in the paving of roads/highways, airports, dam, reservoirs, roofing materials, industrial floors, storage areas, insulation, sound proofing, bonding, protection of automobiles, household appliances, carpetsetc.

Composition & Structure
Asphalt is found in lakes or in seeps where oxidization of petroleum takes place. It is black or brown in color due to its hydro-carbon composition and comprises nitrogen, sulphur and oxygen. It is made up of an emulsion of mineral elements and bitumen.

Other Uses of Asphalt
Asphalt has practical advantages in that it is elastic and can be used in several ways:

1.Use as a binder or adhesive in road construction & paving of airports; water proofing floorings; making battery casings, brake linings & metal coatings.

2.Use as an anti-corrosive agent for underwater natural gas pipelines and for engineering works as the lining of reservoirs and in fittings.

3.Use in chemical and oil resistant flooring and as insulating compounds for cable and electrical industries.

Oh my Gosh,
I had tears on my eyes watching a certain country celebrating their 19 year old gold medallist on the television. You need to see all the things being given to this young boy, scholarships, million dollars, lands, places named after him, fantastic homes. They are very proud of him, a country that knows to honour people that brought them honour. A former gold medallist had a stadium named after him. I'm very happy for them.

The way forward for our country??
These countries that carted away all the medals invest good resources in training, we should be serious with our training. Make some noise for our representatives Clap, Clap, Clap! who still ventured, they made some effort in the first place so Congrats to them however dismal they performed.

The energy and anger you are wasting on this topic has people wondering whether there are more to your vituperations than met the eye. You are now even angry with me simply because I refused to condemn and judge down this lady like you are doing. Girl, you are not as morally conscious as I am---note that! When you look deeper into this life you will understand that some of these rules we are morally upholding and fighting for are baseless and senseless. Are animals not making children? Do they pay dowry, buy drinks and wed in church to do that? What do you think even brought about marriage? It was (among other things) a control measure used by man to have order in the universe and not have everybody sleeping with anybody and having children everywhere.

If anybody wants to marry, it is okay by me. If any does not want to marry it is still okay by me. If a woman wants children and does not want to marry, everybody in this forum knows that I love children very well and so will be happy for such a woman. I see unmarried people that have children like Lil bow wow, this Omolala and others and know what girlie? I am happy for them even when they are not married and didn't go get some f*cking certificate and license to f*ck. . They may decide to get married tomorrow and that is their business. If this Omolala girl reaches fifty tomorrow and has no child, it is still the "I'm more righteous and morally conscious-than -all-of-you" persons like you that will be hurling insults at her. What did she do to you that you are calling her "old cargo"? Her offense is that she is 35 yrs old so what will you call her if she is childless tomorrow? I don't support a woman clinging to a star and having children for him, what I have no problem with is a woman having children if she wants children and can take care of them. If you noticed, my attitude when I entered the thread was just a little comment on one or two posts that attracted my attention. I did not go condemning, judging, castigating and throwing insults like you.

You can go ahead and continue preaching fire, brimstone and at the same time hurling violent and terrible insults on your fellow women. You are still naive to the things of life and someday when the scales of naivety falls off your eyes, you will begin to read life in between the lines. Girl, life is not all that sweet stories they told you that have you breathing down on people. Life is reality, Life is deeper than you see. You are still scratching the surface of it----when you begin to delve in deeper then will I want to continue this kind of conversation with you. Now run along and quit threatening people with damnation my friend. Life is beautiful, don't complicate it and add fears to it for people.

Yeah,Jesus is coming soon and I will be glad to meet him. I bet in your mind, you will want Jesus to kill all human beings that were born out of wedlock huh? Sorry, Jesus does not think and judge the way mere men like you think so quit dancing around like an Okuko ocha (white chicken) and passing judgements for Jesus. Wait and see what he will do to these people when he arrives, don't push them in hell fire yet wih your mouth that is talking "cho-cho-cho". Gosh girl! Chillax!

margyluvv: I believe in the sanctity of marriage because God instituted ot so it is holy. U dnt know me, gal so y'all can talk trash. D creed of ds present world is be yourself which U all believe in but in God's sight, its rebellion. Imagine encouraging wt one shld be ashamed of; end time signs, babe. Hope U know Jesus cos He is coming soon.

You need to take a chill pill young woman, you did not see me clapping for Omolala in my post above. I did not condemn and I did not judge.
If you are frowning your face and is mad angry at the lady because she is having kids out of wedlock that is not why you should charge into the thread breathing fire and brimstone and calling the woman an old cargo. Girl, there 's more to life than all this Sainty Nwegbe you are claiming for us here. Abeg waka dey go joo.

I hate to hear people threatening others with "judgement day"/"Jesus is coming soon" thing thing, why instill fears in people? Let others enjoy a cool relationship with God, they don't need you to make them quake and shake and be reminded of the "rapture morning" that is in your head. They have been singing that "Jesus is coming very soon" even before you were born and he never came, so when is he coming sweetie? I will love to meet him cause im be my real paddy so don't threaten me with those sister mary lines about my friend Jesus coming soon. Hahahahahaha . Aunty Margy, why you come dey vex too much like this, chillax Babes.

oakwoodpark: Guys pls, what should i do for starters? I invested quite a huge amount there and about two years ago when the come today come tomoroww was getting too much, i just quit trying. Is there a chance that we can really get our money back? And how can i get the number to call? Thanks

Yes be hopeful, better positive than negative.

On another note poster, it isn't the best to have female friends living with you and your husband for a long time. I am not saying that you shouldn't offer shelter to a friend in times of need but having to live with female friends for a long time is not the best. According to you she lived with you to the point that your husband had to tell her that the home cannot contain her anymore.
Go through the forum very well and you may come across threads where husbands have impregnated female maids, wife's sister etc. If your friend has accommodation issue, you can help her get accommodation else where not accommodate her in your home.

In my opinion this poster did not do wrong in standing up for herself when commanded to cut off ties with her friend like that without being given a cogent reason. Husbands should treat their wives respectfully like the partner they are. They should have handled this better and not allowed matter reach an extent where the two are drawing swords and warring to know who will back down first. Poster on the other hand you mustn't choose others over your husband when matters get to a head, it will be nice if you employ the use of soft words to retract your statement and make him realize that he still means much to you.

If I were you I will be working at finding out what is really going on between your husband and your friend. Your story sounded like there are more to it than you know. It can be a family feud as you mentioned that they were a bit related or it can be something else that when you know better you may be able to understand things clearly. A friend that brought the two of you together deserves better treatment than being dumped away over unserious matter unless she poses a danger to your union.

Oh my God! I couldn't resist not laughing at this. Madarific and Swaggarific!
It's feeling real cool.

Your MIL should win an award for the world's worst interfering MIL. What kind of a woman asks her son to charge his wife for living in their house and tells him not to be spending on his wife? Poster You need some fresh air out of that suffocating environment until a mature head comes around to put your husband and his mother in their rightful place----somebody needs to tell the MIL to back off and get a life so that you can have peace with your husband that is if he is willing to be a man for his woman. What kind of hell fire/frying pan living is that? If things can't be straightened out there and living continues to be hell in their house please better return to your parents. I am sure that your life in your parent's home weren't this traumatic. You sound like you are still young and you shouldn't suffer this at your young age.


[quote author=reema_25]Thanks for the response and Yes i understand but he is emotional too but when it comes to his mother's wish he always supports his mother ,although i am working and making good money too but not sure about my future if i will get good person or not , but why he can not understand this if i am his wife then he has some responsibilities for me too , at the initial stage he had this feeling but now he has lost that feeling ........[/quote]The fear of whether you can get a good person or not shouldn't make you live in hell, your parents need to go have a good chat with that family on how they are treating you. I mean you have to make effort for things to work first and if you can't handle living in that family then come out of that place, exhale and enjoy your young life. I am sure that you will meet more fantastic persons as time goes on. Stop sounding like you've lost all your confidence.

Techwriter: Talk about the power of fame. While some men struggle to plz a lady, many ladies wld rather count it a privilege to be associated with stars like Peter, while many businesses are struggling to raise money to advertise on the media,Facebook gets FREE adverts even on CNN,most media would count it a privilege associating wt them.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
How can one build such large traffic that people count it a privilege associating with your BRAND. Meditate on these through out this weeken and you would come out a better person with fresh ideas next week. Catch ya

You are the bomb dear, a great mind that think of ideas. I appreciate your way of thinking.

ogugua88: I don't plan on marrying. So kids with my boyfriend is heaven to me. Amen. Say another prayer for me o. I'm feeling lucky.

Girl, you girls wanna be starting something------yeah, yeah (Remember Mjackson's song?)
It's being made to look like the new "Cool"? I wonder how things are gonna look like come 2020 and onwards.
Who am I to judge?

margyluvv: I do not blame this Lola at all. Its this useless Peter I dey pity. He is all muscles, tattoos and no brains. Look at his twin, Paul? Is he this irresponsible and stupid? Have U heard ANYTHING concerning PAUL? Check the two now! Paul drink mama breast well while Peter drink fermented akamu. By the time this desperate Naija old cargo finishes with him, he will consider his ways. We know that godlessness of the West has taken over our society and these so-called stars our youths emulate now show no form of good example to them at all. IGBO BOY WEY NO GET SENSE!!! I AM IGBO AND THIS NO BE OUR WAY AT ALL.

Girl shapen that your mouth a bit before it runs away with you . Why get worked up and call the Omolala girl old Cargo? In ten years to come that girl will still be looking better than you, is that why you are getting worked up?

Women must be careful about the females they bring into their family to live with their husband. It surprises me how some do that without bothering to pay attention to what is happening around them and right under their noses their husbands will be sleeping with their relatives, maids and even friends.

I once stayed with a cousin for a short while and during my stay her husband made advances at me. I was so disgusted that I quickly made plans to leave, my cousin even begged that I stay around then--- I did not tell her why I wanted to leave. I later left them and never told her till today. Women should be more alert at what happens around them, some women have had their children r-aped right under their noses in their own house simply because they are not very watchful and alert. If your friend is very watchful, she would have prevented this.

You mean that the irresponsible man who has never given his daughter an iota of attention is [color=#00099]getting praised [/color]around in the forum, I guess it's for his fame & the amount of money in his pocket as some of us naijas worship and adore money.

We Nigerians appreciate children and it's hard to see a naija man not bothering about his children except some that don't appreciate female children. Jeez, I know a Naija woman that was abandoned with her four female children right there in the hospital when she had the fourth girl. She was simply told not to come home with all those girls she was bearing. She struggled like you and is givingthese girls the best education and upbringing now while the husband who remarried, lost almost all his wealth and his second wife to cancer while seeking cure for her. The abandoned woman is a serious business woman now and jets around the world doing business and chilling.

Plenty hugs to PrettyCindy and Cotton101. More grease to the elbows of the likes of Analytical, men like you are blessings to their wives.

Many women in our country are going thru the unprintables in the hands of some men and can't speak out or even do something about it or even be as bold as these ladies as to step aside and say "No way am I getting treated like that". Some men that maltreat their wives do so out of ignorance or simply bad-heartedness, some feel that maltreating and subdueing a woman is a way for him to assert his position and masculinity. We hear stories of women being killed, burnt by their husband. Our society has evolved a lot and such attitudes should be eschewed.

What manner of a human being has the heart to cook for himself alone and watch his tired/heavily pregnant wife and (the baby she is carrying) go hungry?---- [b]something is wrong somewhere. [/b]I hope he is reading? Whatever fault this woman has no human being that has human heart treats a pregnant woman like that. This looks to me like the kind of thread in which the husband will come to the thread to defend himself and list the faults of his wife yet no amount of fault on a woman warrants her being treated this unkindly.

I can perceive many a thousands maltreatments and persecutions here, this lady seems to be suffering at the hands of this man but let us leave this matter for another day as you the poster is almost due to deliver. Please take care of yourself sweetheart, invite your father for some hourly visit, his presence may cheer you up. Lots of hugs to you Sweetie.

You seem to be letting him get away with his carelessness, find a way to make him be contributing to the upkeep of his child say "child support". In some countries some men do not like commitment and will even abandon their woman and the babies simply because they don't want that commitment of taking care of children, such attitudes are hard to come by among our Nigerian men though. It's amazing that men like that runs back to the same children they abandoned as soon as the children hits stardom or something.

May God strengthen you in your effort to provide and care for that child, it isn't easy to care for a child. Hugs to you.

The bride is either freecocoa or Dyt, they are the only females that commented along with Idowu before the poster acknowledged the presence of his NL queen in the thread. The poster sounds serious. Congrats to you and your queen.

[quote author=isale_gan2]Interesting. Do people really meet on NL. . .and get married? Well, I'll be. . .

Congrats! [/quote]@Isale
No Babes they don't. Do they? You know what I'm talking about girl.