₦airaland Forum

Floodgater:
That your husband is highly unstable and you know his mother has a hand in this too. She has certified you unfit to care for her grandchildren and possibly unfit to be a wife in the future especially with the cultural barriers, unless you take a radical stand now you will take more shait, trust me. You know the issue with this, it starts with give birth first for peace, next will be leave the baby for peace sake afterall he is your husband and there will be many more until you are far gone to realise people have been living your life for you. This is the best time to end all this forthcoming nonsense. Plan and travel to your parent's close to your EDD and have your baby there. When your hubby comes to see his child which he will be eager to btw, let your parents make him settle the issues before you move and you must not go back to your in-laws. If you dont make a drastic move now to be the stable one for your unstable hubby/family, i bet you, your inlaws will run and ruin your life. Dont be decieved. It starts by abide by their rules and then it snowballs into something else, besides its their house, their rules.

you are so so right! that's how I have even tolerated this far,with the relax and give birth first for peace sake. and that is it,after birth,it will be in d name of the same peace they will say just abide.hummm What a life!

SageNaruto:
Reading dis rili saddened me... Its guys lyk him dat giv all men a bad name... Its was his idea to get u pregnant and now he wants u to abandon ur child as a 6 months old infant?!

He married u as a wife not a prisoner, he can't tell u not to leave his parents' house if its not convenient 4 u to b there. U r wit child afterall...

He is ur husband not ur master, he shouldn't force his own ideals on u without considering if its OK with u...

He is ur husband, u shud speak to him abt dis, tell him ur reasons y u can't do exactly as he wants dis tym. If he is a reasonable man, he should see tyns 4rm ur point of view...

I won't advice any1 to leave their infant in d long term care of another regardless of whom they may be...

My dear,I have pleaded and given him every reasons why I won't do such but he refused. My husband is such a selfish man. The painful part is my imediate family are all based outside Nigeria am so alone here with this family so they are just doing as they like. but I assure him,am not gonna leave my kid with with his mum even if it means asconding with the kid. apart from the fact that I plan to raise my kids myself,this woman is possessive,she will turn my baby to love her not as a grandma but as a mother and I can't help to see my own baby look at me like a stranger later on. The same woman that threatens me when I was just 3months pregnant that if anything happens to the unborn am carrying she's gonna kick me out all because I drank warm water to ease constipation. is warm water harmful to pregnant women I have seen a lot I can't narrate in her hands and yet she carries bible and Rosary everywhere! I know God who bless me with this baby will see me through I only want to be sure am doing the right thing.

aisha2:
Where and how did you meet and date this kind of man and actually marry him? Why do you need to beg to work? What kind of men do women see and marry these days?

Anyway whats done is done, give birth first enjoy your time with your baby dont let anyone steal that joy. When the bridge comes your motherly instincts will kick in. Pregnancy in this last stages is hard stop worrying too much

I met him on planet earth ooo...Lol ok,thanks so much.

pickabeau1:
First things first


Remove all worries from your mind as you are in a delicate situation n high bp is not the best thing for a pregnant woman


Try n get help with you n forget your hassles with ur in laws


You can't even leave that baby with anyone until 6- 9 months which is a year away so why stress yourself

My problem is even at 1year,I still don't want my mother in law to raise my kids,and that is my husband plan. what will I be doing in Dubai while my mother in law impacts her ideas of life in my kids?

This is no joke please as it has to do with my marriage.I just want to be sure that my decision to reject his offer isn't going to be a mistake. I will appreciate advice from married and mature individuals. Thanks

Here is my story...before he proposed,i had relocated to ghana to join my family,my husband who is based in Dubai proposed and i accepted knowing that I will come back to Nigeria for the wedding and stay with him wherever he is,as agreed by both of us.Before our wedding,my husband asked me when will I love to start having kids,I told him few years after our wedding because I needed to work as well to support him. He disagree and said he is getting old(6years difference),that he wants to leave me pregnant on returning to Dubai after the wedding,after which he would send for me,i agreed. When we both arrive Nigeria for our wedding,I asked him again if he was really ready for kids,he said yes,after we had had series of unprotected intimacy,he one day said hope I am taking precaution o because he has thought about what I said about having kids later and he thinks thats best. So I asked how will he say such a thing knowing well that am likely to be pregnant already? I asked him if I should take pills to avoid the pregnancy while it may still be early he said no that he's only kidding.he repeated again that he really want kids now. So we agreed,I miss that month but the very wedding month,indeed he left me pregnant. Since then my husband has been battling with me over the issue and many other making life unbearable for me.He left me to stay with his parents and told his parents he can't sent for me now because he didn't plan for the pregnancy,he told them he warned me to wait but I forcefully got pregnant. I tried explaining to his parents what actually happened but they believe all their son tells them over mine.My stay with my Inlaws has not been funny at all,it's been difficult but I try to make myself happy considering my condition.i asked my husband after the child is born what will be his plans for me? He said I will look after the baby for 6months then leave the baby with his mum and come to Dubai to work.i disagree and we started arguing but I had to let the case die as my pregnancy was still in its early stage. Now am approaching delivery,my husband has refused to rent an apartment for me to stay alone,so I asked him again,what is his plan for me and the coming baby as I will not like to remain staying with his parents after my baby gets strong,I advice he rent us a place to stay or let me go and join my mum if he is not ready to have me and the baby around him.he refused and insisted that his plan has not changed which is,I will give birth after 6months, leave the baby with his mum and travel to Dubai to work. I still refused.i told him I want to raise my kids myself and not to abandon my baby with his mum all in search of green pasture. I told him if catering for us is too much for him then he should let me work or seek help from my family. Even tho the baby is yet to be born but when the baby is born,and this issue arises,my mother and father inlaw will support their son in whatever decision he takes,that is why I want to start planing ahead. Note:My  husband is averagely ok,but he falls under the category of men that are extremely careful with every kobo they earn and spend. A 7 months old marriage and expecting our first issue.friends,am trying to keep my marriage but not at the expense of my unborn baby. Please give me a candid advice on what to do.

Hehehehe hummmm...you don't wanna miss sex with her I would have said follow your heart but how sure are u that your heart is being naturally or artificially led in its direction. LOL. I hope u can finish what u want to start ooo,else I dono if u will be conscious enough to share your predicament when the time comes.

okirewaju:
You are so right with how the lady's mindset will be when she eventually enters the home.

Wow, i kinda understand how you feel especially as your hubby is far away but you have to focus on the end which is when your hubby comes back home or when you finally join him over there.

You have to endure been with them as that was the arrangement you have with your hubby. Although i understand there might be rough days but its expected as even when you were staying with your parents there are days that either your mum/ dad or even sibling can do something to annoy you.

Respect them like you respect your parents, help out in any way you can.

lol@the reversal of roles between your mama inlaw and papa inlaw. I see you married a mama's boy. It is well my dear, just hold on strong.


Avoid conflicts as much as you can. One thing that should always be at the back of your mind is that you are not going to remain there forever. In marriage we all make sacrifices in one way or the other.

You are doing this for your hubby too so make him proud.

Thanks dear but it wasn't an agreement that I stay here especially with them,it was all my mother inlaw making.i took in right after my wedding and the best the woman could do for me was to advice her son to let me stay with her until I give birth. I was angry and refused initially but for the sake of my unborn baby I just had to let things go. But am realy trying to let peace reign,like u said,I have parents too,I have to tolerate them as much as I wud tolerate myn.

okirewaju:
With this kind of mindset I wonder how her marriage will eventually go.

Value your mother inlaw, I value mine so much and she pampers me in return.


Die ke! Mine is not young oh but she aint going anywhere, when she has not finished taking care of us. God will keep my both mothers for me.

Motherhood rocks

My dear,with all sincerity,very few women will have these sweet words to say about their mother inlaws. Only the lady the OP is referring to shouldn't judge a woman she doesn't know.With such mindset,I can bet even if that woman is kind to her,she will never appreciate the old woman. As for me,I don't wish my mother or father in law dead,all I wish is to live far away from them. Since after my wedding,I have been living with them.My husband is based abroad and he left me with his parents. I don't know how long am gonna live here but am sick and tired of their attitude. My mother inlaw is the husband while my father inlaw is the wife in the home.I can't narrate all am passing through in their hands tho,but I don't hate them. All I want is for her to control her son like she always does to take my away from here.

It is well.

yes u can dear,both your court and church wedding but all on a very low key.

ladej:
if you don't learn we will be waiting for your post in the near future. na u know....#PHONECHECKER

I will surely change.

kendraloops:
hehehe, i pray so for you too. Just know that if you'll be cut up, you'll be injected first so you wouldn't feel any pain. The pain comes afterwards when the show is over.

pls let me know how things went when you do put to bed. I wish you all the strength from above.

OMG!!! I pray God help me ooo. been thinking about this all day,making me scared. will kip u posted.

So sad. Dono what to say...because am just like you,always looking for what I didn't lost in my husband phone. I check even his parents phone to know who's against me but I think I have to learn from your mistake. I must learn!

kendraloops:
Yea, its true according to the midwives that attended to me during childbirth.

They jokingly asked why i witheld the thing from Oga cos if i hadn't, it would have been freer down there for baby to pass through. They had to cut me up.

Was told to have more sex esp during the last months during my next preg.

Cut you :- I don't pray for such o cuz I can't even take injection without being held how much more that

adedayourt:
. . . and u were seariouly happie bout it


Wish ya safe delivery in advnce dou

I was like WHAT!!! and he said chill its a normal procedure so I just chill until he was done. Thanks Dear

Love is very very important and it should come first because once there is love,every other thing including submissiveness and friendliness will follow. Some marriages are sustained on submissiveness alone and believe me,it is like endurance,it makes the wife afraid of her husband and living with him like she's living with her principled daddy who is always too careful to smile. Such marriages aren't sweet.

If you can willingly do every other thing like u said,what stops you from washing his clothes? Pride? Since you said its a committed relationship,I advice u do what you have to do to keep it. Washing his clothes isn't anything big "unless" he is a dumb a*s guy that you know is not committed to the relationship or you sees no future with.

Your parents are not biased,if you've taken time to observe other families you will see that its a common thing.I don't know the reason behind it and I have not been given a reliable answer as to why. But its so common that the females fall on daddy's side while the males gets pampered by mummy.

alaura:
what is he looking for in ur bossom hmm, dont understand, did he tell u why?

Well,from the way he handled it,I sense he was checking for lumps or maybe accessing my milk bag.

well its such a pity that the guy still lives with his parents. As long as the Daughter is not married she still have right over her sis in law no matter how young she may be. that's a very odd Nigerian culture tho. But if the daughter is married she has no right in her father's house as she's no more bearing the family name
she will only be reapected as due. There the daughter inlaw has more right. My mother inlaw said so.

Come to think of it,pls I have no experience as this is my first. I was even nervous the first time the doctor had to feel my breast. Do u guys mean the doctor will still look into my Virginia to know if my cervix is ok?

I got pregnant while on my honeymoon and my husband traveled out right after,I have not had any intimacy since then. I use two different hospitals and my doctors do ask if my husband is around but they never told me anything negative in relation to that. Maybe I will just ask my doctor today since am off to the hospital.
My doctor said that's a wrong analysis. he said in some cases it MAY only be a bit difficult for the baby to come out as the opening is small and the woman will have to be cut a bit. But he said not in all cases.

showafrica:
They worry why I don't come home often but I never told them. I am just thinking on how to start the explaination because, it's also possible my bros dont care. Let me not put another reasoning in his head. We are very much in good terms still crack our normal jokes.

Its good u guys are relating well but speak with your mum privately over the issue.Mind u,mum is not doing it intentionally o,and not that she's bad either but She's just being carried away. that's mothers for u.Sleeping out isn't a pinch of the solution unless u are using the opportunity to spend the night somewhere else. *smiles*

Not "Everyone" hates your 7 listed items na...

ttymyluv:
we are actually far rrrr away from them. But they dont call me. I do tge calljng. They feel I am making a hell of money so i shid be the one chasing them.

Then you have no problem! If you think you can spend the rest of your life with him,go ahead. But be prayerful.

It is so obvious that u will have to battle with his family after your wedding,but if u truly loves him and know that u can bear what lies ahead,go on. After all God might just make a way and take the both you far away from all of them. But just seek God's direction first.

Most parents are just like that. Just always tell your mum the avenue she's creating(disunity,envy,etc) tell her u dont want such treatment again that if she continues,u will stop coming home. I know how u feel,I have been in your shoes.

I really don't understand this whole story Cruz I see so many contradictions. 1.your parents pushed u to get a man bcuz they cudnt cater for your needs? 2. Also when you finally got one u tot was caring he sold all u goodies and properties including you BB phones'. you where working and he was spending your money.3. you thought he would change so you got pregnant for him 4. your parents were sending you money while u where with him. u also stated in a quote that God bless u with a little job you managed while pregnant. your parents asked u to move out when the same parents forcing u to go back. was it in SA your parents pushed u to go after a man or in Nigeria? Now,if u know u are so hard working to have worked as u said to gain all the properties u had that d guy sold and even worked for yourself while pregnant,why where u initially depending on your parents? why didn't u fend for yourself instead when they pushed u to find a man bcus they cudnt cater for your needs you quickly got urslf tangled. too many questions to ask u but leme say this...you can only get advice that will ease your pain if you share your story with sincerity. yes,some will abuse u if u say the story as it is but some will still have a better advice for u.

Serious,why would I waste money going to watch AY,Basketmouth and co with their fake jokes when I get free facts that cracks my ribs everyday!!! wow!!! as serious as this topic is,Op UV made my day.