₦airaland Forum

Tallesty1:
A lot of them brother, the problem is most times from us.

We lack the qualities of a good leader.

Every woman stepping into the home of her husband comes in with some fear and good measure of respect. But the trash them quickly because the men act below the expectations.

A good leader is first of a all a servant.

Once you see yourself reminding your wife every ten minutes that you are the head of the home then you have completely failed already.

To lead a woman, you should first of all assure her in your doings that your are the leader but yet she's an equal partner.

When she's bout to do something you can say "hold it there" and explain to her the risks involved in what she's about to do and provide a better alternative. If you are gentle, she will listen to you.

Call her in, table what you plan to do before her and seek her opinion, she will definitely have something to add, combine them with yours and do it.

If it works, thank her mightily for her contribution and if it fails, don't let feel her feel like she's the one that ruined it.

It takes gradual process to build.

When she comes to you with a plan, suggest a better alternative if you have and is sure that it is better otherwise tell her that she should go ahead that you trust her judgements.

Those little things means a lot to them and a woman would hardly let go of a man she can rely on.

Waoh! You write with so much wisdom, tallesty1. Where have you been?

coogar:
a tenant comes to you with forged documents and you were oblivious of the forgery. you rented your flat to him & 5 weeks later, he gets busted. should you be arrested alongside him as an accomplice?

No. It's not your duty to detect fake documents

coogar:
whose call? madam theresa?

ladygogo, did you travel to mars?
i almost sent out a search party to fish you out. how are you?

Wetin be Olopa work again naa? Abi you get UV eyes ni?

bellong:
You are still a learner... More reason hour graduation will be suspended.

The gods don't ask after girls below 18 years for spiritual reasons

Hawaiian experience is the bomb... It is a long term vac. Madam you never sent cakes and medemede to the gods oo..

...this baba wan change am for me o

halexito:
Freeze! Everyone!!
Stop this chicken fight will you?
Now on a serious note, good morning everyone. I think it's time to calm down frayed nerves here. Toks2008, you're a great man, intelligent and enlightened. Kudos to you for your work on this thread from the inception. You're the best.
But you threw the first punch in this issue. You called the Op 'autocratic'. I'm sure you know that is NOT a compliment. Rules are rules. It has been 30yrs and above from the beginning of this thread. Most agreed to this. If you advised, that those of younger years should be allowed too and Siamia refused. I don't think that made her an autocratic Op. 30yrs and above are supposed to be people of matured minds and disposition. You want to come on this thread, bare your mind to others WITHOUT being insulted and made fun of. Those of younger years are so great in number on nairaland that if you allow them, I tell you this thread WILL SURELY be taken over by them. And the purpose will be defeated. Even without being allowed many are already commenting by the sidelines. Read some of their comments and see for yourself. Toks2008, I respect you. But you disappointed me by 'THREATENING' not to comment again until apologized to. You made it sound like you're the 'soul' of this thread. No! You're not!! You are a mighty pillar. One of several pillars. Let one fall and others will rise in its place. You can't post, quote and comment on your own post all alone. Same thing with Siamia. Please, let us learn to be humble in all what will do. And to let go whenever our 'humble' advice is not being taken. It's an advice, you either take it or you leave it.
Siamia, my Op, you need to learn to keep your cool whenever you're being criticized or "attacked". You're the head. You should expect some criticism. You called Toks2008 a "bully" which is very wrong. Two wrongs doesn't make a right you know. Being the head, you're the manager of the people on the thread. So you should not take offense at some things that will be said to you. In fact, you should expect it sometimes so you will be prepared for it. Please, let's go back to the Genesis and start our friendship again.
Toks2008, I apologize on behalf of Siamia. Please forgive and forget. Siamia, my darling Op, I apologize on behalf of Toks2008. Please forgive and forget. I think that should settle everything, abi?
Lastly, everyone, the last time I checked, you only find "angels" in heaven. We're all human right? Phew! Long post. I don try.
Love you guys............... Forever......

Not 30, not single but I stumbled on this thread and started following it. And I started praying to witness the marriages that will crop up form here...until the fights started

So I wanted to type something, until I read the above.

Toks2008 and Siamia - pls listen to the voice of reason. We learn everyday. Halexito has done a very good job in mediating and many agree with him including my humble self. I really can't wait for the success stories from this beautiful thread. Pls, you two should not pour sand sand into people's garri o. Who knows if you were both created for a time like this? The job of the Master must be completed o



***bia Alex Zito, be putting spacing small small for your write up biko, u wan injure my eyes

coogar:
and if he manages to get fake papers/forged documents, how do i tell which is which?

Lol...that's not your call naa

bellong:


Your graduation is suspended.

Tearoses, were you awarded any damages? The gods can reclaim your lost ground. Just bring 5 white fat cows only.


Efe, how you dey and the boys?

Abeg, make una two make up. When the gods are back from vacation, you guys owe them 21 white fowls each...

: Lai Lai...after serving for how many years??

Yet again, the gods refused to show you it's not just the boys you should ask about yet they revealed the little princess to me.
Now, who is in charge here?

coogar:
so theresa may expects me to start doing her job for her? she must be crazy! i learnt landlords risk 5 years imprisonment if they rent their houses to illegal immigrant but it begs the question - how would a landlord know mr. emeka is an illegal immigrant?

You request for his proof of permanent residence, just like any potential employer would ask

***watching from the sidelines***

coogar:
most londoners are bad tenants....
the best tenants to have are illegal immigrants. they never miss payments cos they avoid anything that would bring them in contact with the authorities.

those ones with legal stay? forget it. they would go to court, hire a lawyer and dispute the case against them till the cows come home. if she happens to be a single mom, she would not be kicked out in 90% of the cases.

Theresa May and co. will be on your case very soon that is, if she is not already.

Can't remember very well but isn't there a new or proposed law that makes you liable if you rent property to illegal immigrants?

dearie:
For women, it is particularly pathetic. As an Ops Staff resident in Lagos, you are at the mercy of house-helps to raise your children and practically care for the family. As a marketer, you had better be a high flyer...you have no idea what harassment and intimidation could push you to do especially if you are not willing to walk-away.

God will keep guiding us all. We have tough women that have braved the odds and eked out a successful banking career though without necessarily compromising. So let that inspire any young and virtuous woman seeking to be successful on the job.

P'S Check out my signature...

I think it is hectic for men and women alike. I still don't get why you think it is more hectic for women than men.

But I agree a female banker with kids will definitely need a strong support system to balance her role as a mother and a career woman. Still, one can always create time for the kids.

Location also matters a lot. Branch staffs are luckier cuz they are better able to get posted to their preferred locations than head office staffs who have their roles designated only in the H/O and nowhere near their homes, hence, they are stucked in one terrible location forever. However, H/O staffs get more visibility and network better with seniors which they leverage on to progress more rapidly than branch staffs.

Generally speaking, banking is a skilled career and the environment is highly pressurized and competitive but highly rewarding. But most young people do not realise this when coming in. They see only the glamour and think it ends there. Wrong! There are so many bankers out there who can do exactly what you are doing or even do it better, hence one has to distinct himself or herself in every good way. Everyday, you must show your superiors why it has to be you and not the other person. One must always stand out from the crowd.

Again, the career is not for the faint hearted. You can never predict how your day will go. Like someone already mentioned, just one mail can ruin the day or even the week. The career comes with a lot of pains and gains, tears and fears, happiness and sorrows. It's a roller coaster of emotions all the way. But again, like someone said, the alerts makes it all worth it. And for the lucky ones, they enjoy these emotions. They won't have it any other way.

Chillisauce:
I dônt have MB.

I laughed so hard seeing this

Walahi Chilli, you are never serious

***yawns***

Borrrriinnnnngggggg thread!!!

this is what you get when women are scarce anywhere

raumdeuter:
Kimoni

Another example of a man who knew his wife was cheating and didnt flip until something bigger happened which was the children attitude towards him

Lol...unfortunately raum, I don't believe all these divorce stories. From my observations, I think people just come up with ridiculous allegations when they need a divorce.

Highcuerayte:
With due respect sir, your opinion is highly irrelevant not logically but figuratively irrelevant.

That you are reading this sir doesn't make you my audience as it will be useless to you and as such profit you nothing.But those women struggling to regain their home,those women,it will be useful to them they will get the message.

You assume too much

Idowuogbo:
Y u con edit your post? I see am o!! But one eye dey sleep the other one dey read. I 'wee' tell damiso. You better bribe me now

Lol...Idowu ooo

Pls don't tell her, biko

tearoses:
Pastor Mrs idowu AKA Mummy GO thanks for your prayers
Baby herbalist Kimoni I owe you one packet of Indomi too

It ended in praise o!
6 months of a legal battle and plenty prayer finally ended today and baliffs kicked out a devilish tennant.
Imagine this person bringing fake photographs to court. The shock on my face would have been a sight to see.

People can be mean
It is well & All glory to God

Hallelujah!!!!!!!

But indomie kwa

It's high time I dethrone the chief priest, the time is set for a new chief priestess

tearoses:
Good Morning House
If you care to, keep me in your thoughts today
Its going to be a hectic one

We should keep you in our thoughts or pray for you

Anyways, as the chief priest apprentice that is about to graduate,

I say let God go before you today and always. Let the crooked path before you be made smooth. Amen.

Highcuerayte:
Thank you for the reprehensible remarks. It is not for fun I wrote "A woman that cannot keep a home as failed in everything" To you it might seems unrealistic but that is the truth.

A woman's duty is to protect her home,Eve was made to be a helper to Adam but which kind of helper,and which way is she to help? On their home; the garden of Eden. Remember Adam was to keep and dress his home but he cannot do it he needs someone to keep it for him and that's why we have Eve.Eve is to keep the home but when she failed what happened to their garden home?

My audience basically are women.I wrote this for women who are loosing their marriage.

If Eve is indeed the only one to blame for the fall at Eden, what did God mete out punishment to Adam?

Unfortunately, your audience is not restricted to women alone. Men and women, young and old are reading this post of yours and may get the wrong notion that the success of their home, current or future, rest solely on one person. I say emphatically, this is a LIE.

Highcuerayte:
The greatest height of fulfilment a woman can have in life is deeply rooted in creating and maintaining a peaceful home radiating an ever increasing love,joy and mutual understanding. It's not in fashion, it's not in feminism, not in quest for egalitarianism but in successfully being a wife and a mother simultaneously.

Keeping your home can come quite handy and sometimes proves difficult. No one can deny the increase in population of husband snatchers within and without. Many homes are currently sitting on a time bomb, many are going down the pit of destruction and many today have given up their marriage and patiently, they are waiting for the divorce notice.

But do you know you can still balance your unstable marriage? Do you actually realize that the future of your marriage simply lies on your shoulder? Do you know that an action from you can possibly change things for good? And more action for better? And a little more action for best? Even if it appears you are loosing it or probably have lost it, do you know that you can still save your marriage and once again be a wife and a mother you once were?


Here are tips to save your drowning marriage

1. Face Reality And Identify The Problem : Living in the fantasy can be devastating and catastrophic in every little chance given.Most of the times I have watch my mother smile and laugh heartily to visitors whenever they came visiting. I watch her say all is well when nothing is well anywhere. You cannot save what you deem standing, you can only save what is drowning, what you feel and see is perishing. There are things that makes a marriage a marriage: conjugal rights, undivided trust and attention,love and duties among many other vital and important things. Once you see any of this declining it is your duty as a wife to acknowledge these problems. A sailor when faced with raging storm don't pretend all is well he acknowledges the enemy.

2. Take Your Stand: When the storm approaches the captain don't stay in the deck and begins to slumber of folds his hands.He takes charge as one in charge.He tells the storm I understand you are in charge of the wind and sea but I am in charge of this ship. You must realize in case you have not that you are the one God puts in charge of your home.You are the key to the success of your marriage. Your husband is not the key,you are To save your marriage you must act on this simply truth, the destiny of your marriage lies in your hands and your hands alone.


3. Makes Plan To Save Your Home : Like the sailor, the storm is an intruder, an enemy capable of turning his ship over into the sea, making his passengers food for whales.The sailor does not only affirm his position he goes ahead to make plans on how to counter the raging storm. Affirming your position gives you an edge making plan to save your home and marriage gives you more than a edge. Whatever the storm is make plan to counter it.

4. Never Give Up On Your Marriage: When you give up on something there is little or nothing you can do for that thing. As a wife and a mother giving up on your marriage and home is something bad.When you do so you give up on your children and the love of your life.Friends may tell you it can't work but always tell yourself it will work.A sailor endure the storm till he has a good landing. Have hope in your marriage and keep finding solutions to the problems you are facing.

5. Pray For Your Home: The last thing Satan will want is a Happy home.And the key to a Happy home is you.Always do your best in praying for your home.Prayers goes a long way than you can ever imagine.

In life they say there is always an option B but for a woman there is only one option and that is success.And success is the ability to be a wife and a mother simultaneously. Remember any woman that cannot keep a home as failed in everything.

Your home is yours to keep and save.

Written by Highcuerayte

Cc: Seun
Lalasticlala

Sorry highcuerayte - as much as I appreciate and commend the intention behind your post, you have made a lot of fallacious, biased and unrealistic assumptions to look like facts.

I didn't want to quote you before but I will and bold some of these untrue statements.

The biggest nonsense you wrote is your closing line saying a woman who cannot keep her home has failed in everything. I have never seen so much rubbish in one post.

Pray tell, what's the man's responsibility in all what you have written? Is he just a figure head? He takes all the glory for the success but takes no blame if it fails? Is that biblical?

Can two work together except they are in agreement? So how can you blame one party only if two people cannot agree on something?

Can the blind lead the blind? In a situation where the "head" is not leading the family alright, how then do you still blame the woman if the marriage fails?

My point is - the man is as responsible for the success or failure of the marriage as much as the woman is. I may even go further to say he is more resonsible in keeping the family intact cuz he is the natural head of the family unit.

dearie:
I'd like to begin by telling you it's a case of different strokes for different folks. I quite agree with some of the posts here even though i'm tempted to say some appear a bit exaggerated, but most of them are right.

I have put in 8 years. So i can tell you i got into the industry when it was all red and rosy, and having stayed put till this time, and surviving all the shake ups and right sizing. I can say i've almost seen it all and thank God for guiding me. The truth is majority of us are trapped here due to lack of available alternatives, fear of the unknown, and will therefore leave only when the bank pushes us away.

It could really be very financially rewarding though. As a core staff in the Audit Group, I must confess the Pay is not bad at all, but whether it is commensurate with the workload, that is subjective. with most Middle management staff with an average of 12 years on the job from entry level pocketing 7 digit pay monthly,You will agree it's not bad. And did i tell you that some staff get as much as 12 times their monthly salary at Profit Sharing? If you are a performing marketer, you could get an 8-digit pay for PS alone. Yeah it is quite rewarding financially (as a core staff), but sadly, it ends there.

For those in Lagos and are operations staff, you barely have a life. Infact for women...don't just go there.

In my own opinion, I think marketers are the luckiest set of bankers. So many smart marketers build a network with their customers and before you know it...they are out on their own with a ready-made network to roll with.

In summary, for lack of options, you may not have a choice for starters...but you can be disciplined with your expenses and give yourself a target and leave when you can. It is hellish to be caught in the web of right sizing ooo. some dey almost contemplate suicide, especially if you've been living on loan. Avoid unnecessary loans and live modest.

By God's Grace, you will be successful.

PS check out my signature...

Why? Pls explain the bolded

coogar:
hehe!
manure indeed!

he pays the baby-momma in one lump sum once they tell him the baby is his & that was it. the lump sum was crumbs to him so it didn't really matter.

the OP is not as rich & this pregnancy has made his heart bleed. the infidelity isn't the issue, the deception before the confession is the main issue.

To err is human, to forgive is divine

He should forgive and forget. According to the OP, she has used everything within her to promise there wont be a reoccurrence. It's the fault of the fake wrapper that sperm donor used. She will be more careful next time.

Meanwhile, did the OP ever confess his own sins to her?

raumdeuter:
That one na story and blackmail

If you go to Lagos tonight you would see thousands of girls going to bed with men not their boyfriends. Is there a love and sex disconnect here?

many girls even string multiple boyfriends along till weeks to wedding when they drop one. So where does this emotional being go?

Sex is usually exchanged with comfort. love is just another way to make it sound better. If you know how many girls are ready to develop undying love for Dbanj right now and drop their long term boyfriend or the village girl who immediately falls for the rich dude from lagos within 5mins of meeting him. Tell me how many girls got pregnant for an abroadian guy while still dating their Nigerian (backup) boyfriend

Dabota Lawson too is really emotional being
There is no difference between male and female everyone is looking for their own interest

Dabota Lawson - chairman/ceo - Billionaire's wife int'l no be small sontin oo

Abeg Dayo, those ones are outliers jare...not the norm at all

raumdeuter:
How do you know the OP is comfortable enough to cater for a child not his. Also Where is the biological father in all of these? Those are legit concerns

Two reasons -

OP: In a while , God opened was and things got better, I was able to cater and provide for my family financial needs.

Then again, he never complained about taking care of an extra child as being a problem, meaning, an additional mouth is not a biggie

Cos someone that you have a child for is beyond just a casual encounter. EVen most women would forgive infidelity but when a child outside is part of the baggage it changes the dynamics. Some ppl have even gone to the extent of trying to kill the other woman or the child

If its just cheating and nothing attached thats easy to forgive and forget. How many women don chop clean mouth by the they go and return from the office today alone? A child in the mix changes everything because its a lifetime bond. You can probably have genuinely forgotten someone you slept with casually 10yrs ago but if a child is involved you cant forget for life

Agree but the girl is ready to remove the pregnancy...

Lol...cheating (chop and clean mouth style) is not easy for women like that ooo, we are emotional beings. Love and sex go hand in hand for us...but topic for another day sha

raumdeuter:
Fending expenses for a man like MKO is nothing. MKO's house would probably be like a hostel. Maybe he doesnt even know the number of kids they claim he has.

I heard the story of one Alhaji that he would be like "Hmm who is this fine girl that just passed. I no go mind reach there oo" Until his PA would now tell him thats the daughter of your second wife.

MKO probably doesnt know the number of people who eat in his house daily. I am sure random strangers ate and lived under his roof and he didnt care since he had multiple houses and rarely stayed in one place for more than 30days at a stretch. But the OP isnt as rich and would care about another mouth stretching his finances

A lot of men would prefer people not to know their wife is cheating and simply play deaf and dumb until another major issue comes

All the married women sleeping around, that everyone on the street knows, Do you think their husband dont know as well?

Or all the Kema Chikwe, Ita Giwa, Patricia Etteh, Diezani etc that we heard politicians are chopping from Atiku to OBJ to Jonathan Do you think their husband are blind and deaf?

Hahahahha funny story but in the same way, the OP is also comfortable enough to cater for another child. He should go ahead to do so

In his will, he can also request for a DNA test as a condition for inheriting...no wahala

But divorcing her is a NO NO

coogar:
how would she achieve that?
bush fallowing or crop rotation?

she will add manure

i had the opportunity to stay near MKO's house back then. none of those love-kids stayed with him. once the women hinted they were pregnant with his baby, he just gives them huge money for the upkeep and that was it. huge money to the women, crumbs to MKO. he had a plan & he had the last laugh. 25 of the kids failed the DNA test & they got nothing from his vast estate!

But he wasn't living with all his women naa, even some of those who had his baby for real didnt live with him
If he could count the nos of his children, he would not have asked them all to do a DNA test first before sharing the inheritance
But it remains a fact that he never minded taking care of all those kids while he was alive

raumdeuter:
I think coogar is right. Most men if they hear their wife is cheating wont flip or even ignore and pretend to be unaware

Its when aa child comes into it that it becomes a big issue

E.g The Late MKO, Do you think he doesnt know his wifes are sleeping around? But when it came to sharing inheritance he demanded a mandatory DNA from everyone

Also the OP, knew his wife was sleeping around but he didnt throw a huge fit until belle issue entered

Haaa Dayo, you fall my hand . And I was nearly going to call you to come and confirm what Coogar was saying

MKO didn't mind those children living under his roof o

He trained them and never bothered that he was fending for them

His only issue was that they wouldn't partake of his inheritance. That's fair enough IMO

coogar:
in the process of undoing the do, what if the top soil loses all its nutrients thus preventing subsequent fertilisations?

One of the easiest things in this world is the undoing...it's now simpler than ABC. But then, if it's a problem, after the undoing, she can always prove the humus soil is still fertile and very able to sprout beautiful seeds. Technology can help with that. Still no reason to divorce her

coogar:
marital vow became useless the very day she allowed another man's seeds to germinate from her humus soil.

humus soil ko...she can undo the do

You don't have to pay for it sef

coogar:
i'd rather she goes back to her father's house to go through the abortion process. it's got nothing to do with me - it's outside my jurisdiction.

Lol...you want to renege on your marital vows? Over an issue that can be resolved amicably

coogar:
you are making my point.
he had no problem with her infidelity. most men always half-expect this to happen anyways. it's those church jew-men that expect 100% honesty from their partners.

procreation & recreation are 2 different things. the guy never agreed to procreation and that is the reason his heart is bleeding. if the wife had stuck to using sex as recreation, our dear friend wouldn't have created this thread.

We are getting there...procreation and recreation

So her mistake is wanting to procreate with another donor? Fair enough. But she has come up with a solution...abortion. That solves it, innit?