₦airaland Forum

freshvine:
Let her approach the court.

The marriage must be 2 years before she approaches the court.

The learn jurist will give her another two years to work on the marriage.

Then another 6 months to sort the marriage before divorce can be entertained because

1. No witness.
2. No concrete evidence.

Unless the husband Plead guilty and enter plea bargain.

@OP, if you are for real, pls take note of above.

You think you are unmoved by all you have seen but I dare to differ from the actions you wish to take. You are only sucking up the hurt/annoyance and it'saffecting your thinking ability.

So pls, act normal. Grieve over what happened if you have to, no shame in that cuz you loved him once and probably still do. Don't try and act tough or be a superwoman. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Then clear you head and think deep about the decisions that's really best for you having put a lot into consideration.

Like everyone has advised, before anything else, you need to have that convo with him.

@coogar, Tim, Raumtedeur - you guys were just having fun on this thread anyhow God is watching you in 3D o (though I must confess I had a good laugh sha)

KanwuliaJara:
Abeg, this Family section do quench tey tey!
After 8 years here, NOTHING new to discuss abeg.
I nor get time to waste! My TV is more useful e jor.

I just dey show face to make sure I outlive all my dead h-enemies daz all!

Abi you be shareholder for NL PLC?
Pele o!
Shop don close!
Go find onoda work before I see you for road dey beg for chop money all ova Ogun State o!

Muchechecheche

Only you, Kanwulia can still be on NL for this reason oo. You are just too funny

edwife:


-Clueless
-while you slept
-house keeper
-love regardless
-Folly
-burning bridges
-once a player
-matters arising(best comedy)
-family man(pain relief,funny,family oriented)
-love circle.

Paid all my dues.

Thank you Lord for saving this baby...and God bless all his helpers

Akposy:
breakfast eba and okra

my guy!!!

No time for sme sme

himkers:
APC member spotted. Only APC members use such words. And as a PDP member, I ain't giving you any advise

funny


All the gbagaun wey full this thread ehnn

EfemenaXY:
[color=#FFFFFF]Dull Sunday. Shou out to you ladies:

Edwife, Chillisauce, Kimoni, Damiso, Naijababe...

Edwife, Edwife, Chillisauce, Chillisauce, Kimoni, Kimoni, Damiso, Damiso, Naijababe, Naijababe...

Edwife, Edwife, Edwife, Chillisauce, Chilli, Chillis, Kimoni, Kimoni, Kimoni, Damiso, Damiso, Damiso, Naijababe, Naijababe, Naijababe...

Lol!!
[/color]

The little playful "girl" in Efe came out tonight yayyyyyyy
Unfortunately, she's about to sign out for the week

Have blessed week Efe

EfemenaXY:
[color=#FFFF00]Lol! And I thought Edwife was the French babe. Chilli - full of surprises.[/color]

Efe, you wan blind somebody ni

Hahahaha, got ya! All I needed to do was to quote you and bingo!!!

edwife:
Nah,I don't think we need a new coach.mou will need to sit and strategize better.

Arsenal has been with Arsene for years and still believe in him,we need to keep him.Bad moments happen,we are not the only club going through this.

I know it looks hopeless but we gonna bounce back.honestly I am very down and now I know what Arsenal fans have been going through for 10 years .

Consolation my love.....I have no sympathy whatsoever for Chelsea fans but I honestly feel for Mou. When we had our bad season with Moyes, blue fans no show us pepper ni

Abeg you people should carry your cross biko the rate at which you guys are going down sef, you will soon discover oil

coogar:
kimoni, you no well o.....

judge lynn is silly for making it sound as if men are a bunch of bumbling oafs. men are mostly practical beings. point the problem to us and we would endeavour to apply logic to solve it. we are not palm readers to second guess what a woman's problem is.

Lol...we sometimes forget cuz we are multi-tasking. Bring them all, and we'll get it done

naijababe:
Walahi this Chilli na real badt girl

Kimoni, shey you don hear, final destination is south for those oranges

Hehehhehhhe you and Chillis guys are joking...my mum is past 70 and she is still standing gidigba with them twins. abeg oo, those things must retain status quo until I am 70 o Only reason why I ain't shedding no more weight

Chillis:
Its normal.you can't eat your cake and......

N'a padded bra na.
Pack am wella. No shaking .
Ain't nobody gat time for small breast

so no be only me dey feel these drop in oranges



@damiso - waoh! you look so hot and trim...
I had to purposely add some weight cuz of my frontlights too, that padded solution from Chilli no be am for me at all
I need the real thing
I am more on abs now; don't mind the extra weight, as long as I maintain my flat tummy

JudgementHammer:
The 1st time I saw a bushy private part

As a little boy my mum bathes me with herself in the bathroom and I noticed her pubis was always bald/shaved so I thought there was nothing like pubic hair until my uncles wife who paid us a visit bathed me one morning. Oh my..! Snake go full that forest. E come black welwel, maybe she dye am. The pishure still fresh for my brain.

Ol'boy, werrin be this so

Hehehehehee @OP - I can see you have it all figured out already...you are a master strategist yourself, only you got outplayed in your own game. Anyways, what-e-ver!! It's your life, innit?

Bullshit story! Where is the source or proof of story? Just trying to wipe up undue sentiments a junk story.

Sad sad sad

God help us

Hehehehehehehe

Minority will have their say, majority will have their way

bellong:
Happy birthday to me.....

Happy wedding anniversary to us...


You are all invited to Kalakuta shrine for the celebration... The gods are set to treat you all with godly treatment..

Arrrrhhhhhhh
How did I miss this nitori Olorun Chief Priest ooo
Best wishes from me and all of mine to you and all of yours
May you continue to grow in wisdom
May he grant your hearts desires and all that you wish for yourself and your loved ones
Amen

Ok naa, all roads leads to Kalakuta shrine... Sambarry no carry last o

tearoses:
I cant imagine how she felt when Jide said, its only a dragon, they are strong
The woman is cool sef
Yesterday my daughter tried on some lipstick in Superdrug
I ranted all the way home
Do you know the person who had put the lipstick on before you put it on? bla bla bla . . .
What if the person had hepatitis, mouth ulcers . . . .your teeth will just fall out bla bla bla
. . and dont expect me to take time off work to be going to the GP to sort you out
Your dad will see this bla bla bla

Ish . . . . .
When we got home
One . . .dad didnt even notice it
two . .when I told him, it was like file jor o mo pe omode ni won.
three . .smile joor as if you didn't steal your mums lipstick at that age

Hahahahahahaha It always comes back to you naa, you are always the bad one
Imagine the look she would have given you if she heard what daddy finally said

Me I don't even care again sef, I have accepted my fate...
Daughter: "Mummy, you are not nice"
Me: "I know, I am Mrs Kimoni not Mrs Nice"
Lobatan!

Hahahahahahahahahahhaha poor woman

I saw this on my FB wall yesterday but didn't open it.

Funniest part was where she said "am I going crazy or what, even you Jide"

The things mothers face ehnnnnn no be here at all

Orimili:
Most of the time, we would go out somewhere. I'm a full time student, and work at night while building a large savings. I don't have much of a night life, nor am I too worldly, so I am unsure of where to go or what to do in the rare instance that I have a night off.

On top of all that, it seems like most girls just want someone who is experienced in every aspect of life. I worry that I have nothing to offer in such a modern world.

Now I'm all teary eyed

Then maybe you've been fishing in the wrong ocean. Try and develop friendship with people who share same values with you and with whom you can have a great discussion. Then elevate any of these friends you dem fit to a higher status so the shock factor of who you are is reduced greatly. Any girl that leaves you for who you are may not be worth it after all.

tollu:
Closure is a thing that many people seek at the end of relationships but rarely get.

This more than once scenario though...o n fe adura.

I hope one of the girls would do you a favour and let you know why they're ending stuff.

As in eh, adura nla gan ni

Or maybe it's something that has to do with the OP which they think it's too embarrassing to discuss

Hian!!! this one strong o

JudgementHammer:
Heheheheh. Guy u go pay consultation fee o. Ok just cook rice and fish stew.

OR
>buy semovita 1kg-N200, smoked fish-N120, palmoil(quater bottle)-N70, vegetable-N50, pepper(chop it by urself with grater)-N100 and soft drink.

Shey I try?

Hahahaha who say you no try! Na you gan gan be practicing economist. All others are jokers

TV01:
"More like"?

I can only speak for what I posted. I don't believe that a person must be 100% in love (however they define it), 100% compatible (whatever their criteria), 100% convinced (however convinced they feel they should be), or that they tick all your boxes (no matter how many boxes one has).

What I stated, is that once one decides to commit, one should do so 100%. And again, why would one commit less than this? Or if it's not 100%, what is the uncommited % for? What could it be for other than an exit route, or an excuse to not fully engage?
TV

Ok, my response was based on what you quoted, not what you wrote. Got ya!

Mindfulness:
He didn't live with his wife before he met the OP and he told the OP that he no longer wants to be with his wife. Why wasn't his wife around, living with him? What if he said the truth that he is no longer interested in working on his marriage?

You did and many others did the same. When you castigate her for getting involved with a married man, then you make it look like it is her business but it is not and never will be.
I am not.
It wasn't personal at all unless your husband is cheating too, which I can't know.
I understand and emphasize with her as much as I understand and emphasize with you.
Ok.

Empathize with yourself! I have absolutely no need for your empathy. And I strongly advise you leave my family out of this. You really don't want to go down that lane with me

I am responsible for what I write, I am not responsible for what you imply or deduce from it.

Mindfulness:
You said she broke his marriage but he is still married so how did she break it?
I repeat: The marriage isn't broken. He is still married.

I'm sure I highlighted this earlier. A man is no longer living with his wife and has commenced divorce proceedings and you say the marriage is not broken Is this an academic debate? Looking every inch like it now

I am asking. Why would she care about HIS marriage? Why would she care about HIS wife? Is it her responsibility?

again I ask, who said she should?

Why not if this is the man she wants to be with?

I am sure I answered this earlier

If you consider your husband to be your property and he decides to cheat on you and have a child outside wedlock, then let me tell you this: You made a pretty bad purchase. I hope you kept the receipt because the investment was not worth it.

Is it time to get personal already? So soon? unfortunately girl, this is not my story and looks nothing like mine. You can open a thread for whoever is interested you might just come across the audience you are desperately searching for

Do you know what I have noticed on this thread? Fear! Some people act here like it is their husband who has got another woman in his life and who he has a child with. I understand your fear. Nobody would want to be left for another woman but it happens. And the reason why it happens is not because some other woman who doesn't know you didn't care about you but because your husband is NOT TRUE to you for one reason or another.

Speak for yourself my dear. I can also understand why you will understand and emphasize with the OP. Guess it's not so hard to figure out. You may wish to continue strategizing with the OP on how to win the man at all cost and t keep offering your 'big shoulders' when the consequences of her actions start weighing her down but the least you can do is to leave those of us who do not share the same ideals with you alone. We all don't have to have the same values, do we?

You don't have to approve of the OP's behavior but she is not responsible for other people's marriage. And the fact that she cares about herself more than about HIS marriage and HIS wife is very natural.

hmnnn I see...natural indeed. Anyways, I repeat, no one is asking her to care or be positively responsible for his marriage but as long as she thinks her happiness lies with a man who is married to another woman, I will have no kind words for her lamentation stories. Nothing you say will change that. It is what it is.

TV01:
I never said 100% conviction, I didn't specify 100% love, or 100% compatibility. I said 100% commitment. Per my response to Mindfullness below, whatever you base on your getting there on, once you get to the point of making the decision to marry, it demands 100% commitment.
Why would one marry with anything less? And if one is less than 100% committed - at any % - what does that mean in terms of conditions for exiting the marriage? TV

Mindfulness:
I am really looking forward to what TV01 will say about it.

As far as I am concerned I do not think that anyone should marry if (s)he is not 100% convinced that (s)he wants to marry a particular person.
If you can't find the person you are 100% sure you want to marry, you better do not marry at all. My two cents.

100% convinced = 100% conviction

100 convinced = 100% commitment

TV, which sounds more like what she wrote naa >:

frisby:
@ TV01 and mindfulness
... I think it might just be the burning-hot sun and insane traffic jam, because it's taking all of the intelligence I can muster to still manage to clutch on to this discussion, something must really be messing with my comprehension

this got me laughing out loud!!! But guess what frisby love, you are not alone. It's difficult keeping up with TV on any debate. Asides choosing your words carefully, you might also need a dictionary to cope. Apparently, he has found a soulmate in Mind. Perfect combination I tell ya

Well so far, these are what I've learned :

1. There is no manual for love and marriage

2. The "right" person so to marry ultimately should be dependent on what matters the most to a person in a marriage, as people marry for various reasons.

3. There's a chance my friend will never grow to love "good man" but this doesn't stop them from having a good marriage, as marriage entails more than just feelings of affection....?

4. My friend is naive and misguided, and needs to redefine her priorities.

5. I'm not nearly as bright as I have always thought married people are on a totally different league.

Thanks everyone for your inputs.
They're very much appreciated.

@ no 5 - You are funny!

Mindfulness:
You contradict yourself

show me

How did she break up his marriage when he hasn't divorced his wife?

What does the embolden say about her role in the broken down marriage?

Frommena:
Hi All!
This is my first time I seek an advice online.
I hope i can find some answers here.
My situation is very complicated but i will try to make it clear.

I live with a man I've met 4 years ago. He was married and had 2 kids and I knew it from the beginning. But him & I started to love each other. More over he was telling me that he doesnt love his wife etc. I then was still talking to my X boyfriend who was living in a different country (not far) because deep inside i was not trusting that the married man would ever divorse. So he found out on my fone i was talking to my x and it cracked his trust big time.

He couldnt forgive me that, and told me he doesnt want me anymore. For almost 11 months i was hoping, begging him to get back to me but he was clear he doesnt want me, he cant forgive me and he will stay with his family. So right before he went to visit his wife and kids to his home country (we are both expats in the middle east where we've met), he told that we can try again, but i didnt feel it was sincere. I thought he said it so Im not hurt while he is there with his wife & kids. While he was away with his family i completely lost my hope that he will get back to me and i got involved with another man, and got pregnant. I was so hurt and wanted to start ny life without the man i love & forget him.

Upon his return I was not pregnant yet but got pregnant in less then a month and as a solution i got married with the man i was pregnant from. The man I love had to move to another country where i was supposed to live with my husband and he brought his family wife & kids. But while i was married we never stop talking. We would miss each other, yet fight a lot, blame each other for the situation wevwere in etc he asked me to get back to him and that he would give his name to my child. I filed a divorce after 2 months of my marriage and divorced and he promissed me he would do the same. It all happened pretty quick by the way in 6 months period. Since the time he webt to his country when u gkt involved with another man and to the time i filed a divorce it took 6 monnths only.

He sent his family back home in 3 months, i gave birth and as he promised he gave his name to my child. We started to live together. But it was not a happy life: there were moments when he would none stop blame me, question me about many details etc because he wouldnt understand how was i able tocheat on him and get pregnant etc?

It has been 2 years since im divorced, he is still married. Yes he had 2 kids and it is more complicated for him to divorce then it was for me. Like he says i need to get things situated and everything right before i file divorce. But in 6 months after my divorce he filed legal separation with his wife and i saw that paper. He said that court will still give him time to save his family because thet were married over 23 years and have 2 kids. With legal separation should not take long time.

We didnt have problems in sex life but for the last maybe 6 months or so we have it very rearly. I dont and he doesnt try making love. In fact sorry for being so open, but there were few times he went soft while we were making love. It worried me and he said it is because he still holds ab anger towards me, and my past eats him inside.

He stop asking me things about my past since a year ago but i just came to visit my mom to another country and he started to talk about my past again, again questions and again blaming. He saif because by wuestioining him i open up my past. He does not believe me that i did not enjoy sex with my x husband. And he says im a liar and i need to close that chapter by being honest with him about it. But every time i would tell the truth about something i would regret big time because he would blame me for that every chance he has!

Today he said he cant take it anymore, he has no feelings yet very angry with me. I must confess that recently i was not paying much attention to him, and he wasnt either. I would be jelouse yes, because living with a married man is not easy at all. Your mind is not settled, always in fear. He hates it when i question him when im jelouse, he thinks i have no right to question because i messed up the whole situation by getting involved with another man, getting pregnant etc

He has no trust at all. But i also think he maybe doesnt want to divorce OR has another woman he likes/involved with. He said Im an idiot that I dont understand him etc.

Im so confused, hurt and i cant go through another break with him. Yes i didnt fulfill my promise to fix issues but i wanted it both ways although he doesnt think so bcoz I was the one who cheated on him and he never had sex with his wife or another woman since he met me.


I hope to find an advice here on HOW to save my relations with him as i do not, do not want to loose him at all!

Thank you in advance.

And why should it be her job to save his marriage?

No idea! Who asked?

She has no responsibility to save someone else's marriage.

maybe but she shouldn't also be an enabler in breaking it up

She "loves" this man and she wants to be with him. She is not the one who made the marriage vows. She is free to desire whatever she desires.

true but she should have kept her Lamentations to herself. I do not and will not have nice words for people who desire other people property men with their eyes wide open. Obviously, we differ greatly in that.

TooNoisy:
God bless you.

For those that claim they should not expect anything, if your spouse is cheating or becomes abusive, then they should not complain. Abi, expect nothing.

In fact, your wife might as well get pregnant for another man or the husband impregnate the house help and life will continue.

No expectation, no complaint