₦airaland Forum

I had to go back and read the thread. I forgot that most Nigerians conflate wedding with marriage. I think I was one of the first people to post a reply so I didn’t have enough replies to put the question in context. I took the question literally to mean would you still chat with an ex from your relationship-marriage i.e your ex-spouse.

crackhaus:
Ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, yet somehow you're interpreting it as ex-husband/wife.

Why?

Which/what encounter? The question asked if you still communicate with your ex after MARRIAGE?! What is a marriage?

crackhaus:
Marriage? Kids?

Since our last encounter, I have noticed this handle more often and every time you type, it's always smartness divided by two.

The question was 'exes'.
Were you married to all your exes?

Ohh shiiii don’t let them know yet I have been enjoying reading the responses oblivious to the sarcasm while exposing their hypocrisy.

Biglittlelois:
Don't you understand the sarcasm she typed? That is exactly what you guys say if reverse was the case.

Thank you. No need to stoop to her level.

SageMK:
You've a better chance of laying an egg than a boiler.

You are wrong. He's not a sissy.

He doesn't need to hit her back to prove his masculinity or to make himself feel better. That dude simply refused to go down low to her level... Wasn't worth the stress.

The only thing he'd wrong was not dragging her aśs out.

Hope you know I was being sarcastic hun

lilianofentse:
you're welcome hun.

I agree, yes racism is no longer like the days of Kunta Kinte, and if you are smart and successful people will have no choice but to respect you. However, shouldn’t we want a society where a black person doesn’t have to work 2/3 times as hard just to be as good as a white person?

EasterDell:
Ok now I get your point.

Actually Candace is very edgy and indeed provocative. This is very appealing to the extreme right. To be honest, I find it troubling also.

However, I know why she is gaining traction. The aggressive liberal agenda of the extreme left is fuelling her popularity and increasing slide to the right.

Ordinarily, most of the arguments she raises shouldn't even be issues. But Alas! The political demise of the West is near and it is inevitable.

The left and the right can't even help their mutual stupidity.


Meanwhile: I believe Racism is overrated. We are all racist. It gets painful when you are on the receiving end. Begging/fighting for respect is naive. Just do your thing, succeed! and see how every tribe and tongue will worship your very feet. (Even if you are purple!)

Ok. Thank you dear.

lilianofentse:
its whoever dear. Whoever.

If you read some of my posts, I am a very big advocate of individual liberty and choice. I don’t have a problem with whatever ideologies you have, as long as you don’t impose yours on mine.

Republican does not equal conservative. I don’t have a problem with black conservatives, I have some as friends, I don’t respect black republicans.

Candance is a shill for hire. She makes up facts. She says things like “there is nothing like racism” so yeah I am not going to take anything she says seriously.

I have women in my circle that do not want to be a part of the feminism movement, I understand why and I respect their choice. The movement has been distorted but the same movement is responsible for all the great things women have achieved till date. Just because there are bad actors that give Christianity a bad name doesn’t mean the whole religion should be thrown out.

Gerrard59:
As usual, shut down the debate by saying she's promoting "racist" beliefs. Why do you believe no black person can be a Republican or espouse consevative ideals? Why not call her a Homophobe? You liberal folks expect everyone to
your beliefs and ideologies. No, it's not done that way and is antithetical to your assumed liberal notion of "everyone is free to do whatever they like". Whatever Candace's views are, I posit that modern day feminism is the greatest scam ever perpetrated of which they're no more feminists but misandrists. Folks who demand rights but avoid accepting responsibilities.

P.S. Previously, I espoused the beliefs of feminism (my posts' history attests to it) but with what I have seen, read and researched, no more. I cannot be part of a movement of toxic people who are angry every time, espouse hatred against another gender and fellow women who prefer the traditional way of life. Worse still, these misandrists never ever take responsibilities for their actions!

lol now we are talking in circles.

You said you wanted nothing to do with me because from my moniker, you think I am a feminist. So I was just repeating what you told me, HUN. I really don’t care what you do, ignore or don’t ignore. I only care about what I do, which is quote or not quote whomever I want.

lilianofentse:
but.. but...but you said this was a public forum with a quote so why should I ignore you hun?

Actually I really don’t care wether she likes feminism or not. I have friends that don’t like the movement that’s fine. I don’t care.

I genuinely understand why some women are against the movement.

However, she is NOT just anti feminist, she is also a shill for white supremacist. She believes there is nothing like racism, she also hates Muslims. When a terrorists says you are his inspiration then you have to start questioning your values.

Candace is only big in right wing circles.

EasterDell:
Lollz I think you missed the Memo.

Candace Owens! Is BIG BIGTIME Absolutely bold and brilliant black woman. The quintessential provocateur!

You know the type that get authorities worried when she opens her mouth to talk.

I'm a super fan of bold divergent thinkers, they make progress possible.

Not every woman want to sheepishly follow a doctrine because it was named "feminism".

Now in the name of "transgenderism" men are sneeking into women championships and competitions and winning scholarships, awards and all.

I celebrate those who have the courage to think differently! Candace Owens! Is a star! Search for and watch her videos on YouTube. It doesn't harm listening to different points of views

What has that got to do with anything? You do know that human beings are capable of holding more than one views/positions on varying topics? I can’t deal.

Well now that you know me well enough to know my views on ALL topics on NL anytime you see my mentions, you can just ignore me.

lilianofentse:
I already saw your comment on a topic about feminism being a disaster and tearing women down. I know what you meant so don't get it twisted, ok.

O lord what are you talking about? I never said anything about not giving anyone respect. wow how did you get that from one line? I meant some don’t want to EARN it but demand it. I literally just typed a line.

Yeah as long as the quote button is there on THIS public forum I am going to quote whomever I want. You don’t have to respond if you don’t want to. Your choice.

lilianofentse:
when you give your man due respect even when he fvcks up, he'll sit down think about it and try to make it up to you. Unless he doesn't have a conscience.
Meanwhile from your moniker I can see you're a feminist. No more mentions. Kapish

Without earning it.

lilianofentse:
this doesn't apply to only Nigerian men but African Men as a whole. They love respect.

You are absolutely correct. I totally overlooked that he was a cheat. Yes it’s true if he cheated with you, he will cheat on you.

Safitu:
The guy is not the kind of man she wants to be with. He cheated on his gf, he will cheat on her too. There will be no trust, she has already cheapened herself for a man that is not hers. The relationship can never work.

If the marriage produced kids, of course you would have to communicate with your ex.

Thank you!! These responses are funny! In this economy, who rejects any opportunity for more money? It’s just three hours away, some people’s commute in the same Lagos is more than that sef.

J111333:
If you husband is a reasonable man, he will quit his peanut job and move with you. I know it's a hard thing to do especially when a man has a not so good wife who may end up being so disrespectful.

For the sake of your kids, you guys really need that new job, I don't fvcking care how you guys are gonna do but do it.

lol it’s just 3 hours away. There are some families that the couples are continents apart and they still make it work. She and her husband are the adults in the family, most adults will sacrifice so children will have the best/better than they had growing up. Will the man allow 3hrs to get in the way of a good life for his children? I don’t think so that’s why he is on the fence, I am sure with further talks he would come around.

Acidosis:
So the new job is going to give her and her kids the best things of life? What the father couldn't offer? The father ever begged you for feeding money? The father begged you to train up his kids?

It doesn't bother you that the man would be alone, lonely and unable to bond with his seed?

You lots are extremely lousy and selfish! Just a little pay rise, some of you would tear your marriage certificate.

Trust me, if you are cheating on your taxes the IRS will come for you!! You can’t go scot free! Rich people go to jail for evading taxes. You can only legally pay less by using the tax loopholes.

There is a difference between cheating on your taxes vs paying less when you use the loopholes. Trump is the latter.

In the US they don’t mind their business. They hate when people flaunt their wealth, they see it as classless. So if you flaunt it, you better be able to back the source up. E-money will be seen as classless.

globemoney:
And do you know their are many rich people in the US who avoid taxes, flaunt rich lifestyle and still go scott free? Why isn't IRS going after them including donald trump? In other countries people mind their business, they only report you when you constitute nuisance and a security threat to them, It's only in Nigeria that when ever someone makes money every one starts asking what they did to make money as if they are entitled to know.
It seems you dont also realize some people like to keep their business secret to avoid competition. Learn to mind your business! Thats it. No one owes you an explanation of their source of wealth, if they are involved in fraud then allow the law to catch up with them simple.

I don’t judge other women, what they do with their bodies is their business. It’s their choice.

Nigerian society is very materialistic and your success is judged based on how much money you have. We are not known for delayed gratification, I want to be rich now and quick! It’s the same reason some undergrad girls are in to runs and some undergrad boys do yahoo yahoo. Both groups want to be rich before they even get their first jobs and are too lazy to actually work for it.

If Nigerians can’t show off their wealth they can’t enjoy it.

Yup! it doesn’t matter if a victim reports or not.

If you a flaunt a lifestyle that does not match your income/business then you are going to attract the authorities.

1. IRS - they want to know if you are paying the appropriate taxes on that lifestyle ( you get taxed wether your money is legal or illegal), they investigate how you got every cent and they go after you for not paying the tax on it, after they are done with you they give you to the FBI. Then you have multiple charges. However, in Nigeria anything goes, we worship money we don’t care. Then, we say “our leaders are corrupt”

P.S. if the authorities don’t notice your neighbors will report you.

globemoney:
So when you are rich in other countries without anyone reporting you as defrauding them, the authorities will come to question your source of wealth because there is nothing else to do in those countries. Are they also questioning the source of poverty of the poor ones over there too> Instead of questioning his source of wealth, if you had channeled he same energy to minding your business and making out something useful for yourself, maybe your life would be more useful than it is.

Be careful now you are asking a valid and intelligent question on NL. Prepare to receive many mentions on how broke and jealous you are.

busomma:
Who in the world knows this guys source/ sources of income? It's only in Nigeria that sudden wealth isn't questioned by constituted authority. I bet he isn't paying taxes commensurate with the wealth he's been showing off cos he would've been hidding some of it instead. Money miss road.

I would assume ‘good’ is girlfriend. Once a guy lets you know he has GF, that’s a hint he is not really that into you.

You knew he had a girlfriend, you don’t go into a situationship with someone that is not single hoping you would be good enough to make him leave his GF. It seems he is in a long distance relationship with his GF and you are available. If you want to be his GF, and not a side-chick, stop having sex with him and tell him to breakup with his GF if he really loves you, then take a break from him. If he wants you then he would do the above. If he doesn’t then just cut your losses and next time make sure a guy is single before your proceed if you don’t want to be a side chick.

Rachael30:
Hello fellows am new here on nairaland. I have issues at hand. I met a guy who made it known to me that he had a good when I asked him, I was not bothered because I wasn't interested then. We became good friends , he helped me out in so many things.
Along the line he said he had feelings for me, by then I have started liking him .one thing led to the other we are already having sex even though he says he hardly see his gf due to issues they have which I hardly believe.
I don't want to be a side chick to anyone , wat do I do because I don't know how to kill my feelings for him and don't want to be hurt at the end.

Once violence has been introduced into a relationship, a line has been crossed and it only goes downhill from there. You should cut your losses, you are still young, get busy, focus on yourself, discover yourself, meet new people, focus on your studies.

Don’t let anyone make you change who you are, this one experience shouldn’t turn you into someone/something you are not, there is nothing wrong in loving with your heart. One day you will meet a deserving woman that will appreciate you.

What is a good?

Rachael30:
Hello fellows am new here on nairaland. I have issues at hand. I met a guy who made it known to me that he had a good when I asked him, I was not bothered because I wasn't interested then. We became good friends , he helped me out in so many things.
Along the line he said he had feelings for me, by then I have started liking him .one thing led to the other we are already having sex even though he says he hardly see his gf due to issues they have which I hardly believe.
I don't want to be a side chick to anyone , wat do I do because I don't know how to kill my feelings for him since he still have a good and don't want to be hurt at the end.

Then ABORT!

Most people get too distracted with the physical appearance and ignore what’s on the inside, if you don’t have shared values don’t go ahead with the wedding.

Physical attraction does not even last up to a year in a marriage, there is a saying “show me a beautiful girl and I will show you a man that is tired of her”. Shared values is what you will have to rely on for the rest of the marriage. People rarely change, most adults are already set in their ways, so don’t expect anyone will CHANGE. “Once a person shows you who they are believe them”

LasLas:
Her ideologies are totally different from mine. When ever i correct her on some issues or tell her to do some stuffs she feel am trampling on her and sometimes she feel i'm punishing her.

You can’t compare Nigerian marriages with Western ones.

If a Nigerian man kicks his wife out of the house, that’s the END. Little/NO legal recourse for the woman, wether she contributes or not, her contribution to the marriage is null and void. So most women have to look out for themselves, most married women in Naija have a rainy day fund (her salary and any other fund she can get from the marriage), it will be unwise not to have one. In fact it is one of the first advice older married women in the family will tell the bride on her wedding day.

Western family courts recognizes the contribution of the woman in the marriage, she is comfortable contributing, paying bills, buying properties etc. because the courts recognizes net-worth acquired during a marriage is communal property. If the marriage goes south, she is awarded the worth of her contribution to the marriage.

genq:
Are you blind? You saw the word PARTNERSHIP didn't you.
Meaning in most homes abroad, both men and women contribute to the household equally and share chores. These women don't just talk the talk - they live out true equality.. Unlike these lazy Nigerian liabilities wives who feel entitled to their husband's hard earned money.

Candance Owens!! No one takes her seriously. She is a shill for pay for right wing nuts. Even her racist right wing nuts don’t want her. She was fired!

Candace is barely 30 and she is engaged to a rich racist right wing white dude from the Uk. She was never a feminist. She is a provocateur. So take anything she says with a grain of salt.

AGAIN! what she is talking about is NOT feminism.

What traits does she exhibit that make you think she is a feminist. Also, marriage is NOT easy, if you suspect huge difference in ideologies please ABORT! Do not expect she will change. Talk to her about your misgivings and don’t go ahead if you aren’t convinced. If you go through with it, do not start bashing women after u can’t ‘correct’ her to your vision of a ‘good’ wife because you ignored the signs. Also, you need to let her know quickly so she can go find a man she is equally yoked with.

I don’t blame her for being harsh lol I was also tempted to but I wanted to give OP the benefit of a doubt.

We see this topic so MANY times and most are disguised to bash Nigerian women. Just watch this thread most will not even answer the question, they will go straight to “how Nigerian women are useless who needs them” type of thread.

However, I hope it’s a genuine topic because it’s an interesting one. I know many people in my circle that aren’t married (even though they can) or don’t plan to. As society becomes more lax in enforcing “family values” and things people need partners for are gradually getting replaced, more people no longer have the urge to get married. It’s just my opinion though based on my experience.

nuelyoyo:
Aunty take it easy na, he might actually want to get married but need good reasons why he should. His post is not enough to conclude that he doesn't want marriage.

Yes I realized my error so I went back to edit my comment for both scenarios. Thanks for pointing it out .

Bossjakande:
mama I think is a general question open to d house

If you are asking for you, no one can tell you why you need a wife, only you knows what you want/need in a wife and if you think you can meet those needs without a wife then you have your answer.

Unless this is just one of those troll questions set up to bash Nigerian women. If you have to ask why you need a wife, chances are you are not matured(not ready) to have one yet or you don’t have a need for one.

If it’s a general question, men need wives for various reasons there is no right answer. Also, because of technology more and more people both men AND women are beginning to question the need for marriage in the 21st century.