₦airaland Forum

luminouz:
Where is the sense in this for Pete's sakes?

Which useless bond does a father need to have before his sons obey him? Was there a need for bonding when he pays their school fees or feed them? Or was there a report of his maltreating them Everytime or even beating his wife? It's sacrosanct that these sons OBEY him at all times, unconditionally. Which mumu bond are you looking for again?

You didn't even talk of the disrespectful wife at all. Ain't that sweet of you! The wife spoilt the whole show by encouraging the kids to flout their dad's orders, WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES. Had it been he dealt with her and the sons saw his willpower, they will note he is charge and fall in line. They have seen he won't do shiit and like most kids, they follow the best path of least resistance to their will: in this case,the MOM!

What I find baffling is how even men here kept yapping about bonds and binds and bondage and James bond and stock and bonds...without making any tangible point. The issue is that his wife already left him high and dry and his kids followed. I remembered a case on NL about a man who wakes up everyday to fetch water on his head for his whole house and he has grown up boys and girls and a wife. WHAT DAFUQ DID YOU THINK MADE HIM THAT WAY?


Please,scrutinise a story and be logical with your conclusions. Only bukatyne made some logical points.

Lol
Funny how you think feeding or taking care of the children YOU brought to this world is doing them a favour.

Obey, obey, obey. That's all you care about.
Anyhow sha.

If the car is the only issue then it's not enough reason to say they are disobeying him.

Since there's two of them this is even simple sef.
Let them share the task.
Son A washes today, son B tomorrow.
If washing it early is the issue they should wash it when he gets home.
He should compromise and let them wash it 5/7 times a week. Is he caring and compassionate to them?

Children of that age aren't stupid.
What you need from them would be respect and not the classic fear that has worked from when they were little to adolescent.

Give them treats once in a while.

He needs to bond with his children.
Men think it doesn't matter but these little things determine the kind of relationship you will have with your children in your old age.

I bet he doesn't even know anything about his children.

He should set aside time, could be a day, once a month, to take them out without his wife, on a field trip, go visit a resort, amusement park, tourist attractions and really take time to know his children.

If he's a genuine person, they'll grow to love him and he'll be amazed at the change that will happen.

And OP, money isn't the ultimate form of care. Whether he spent 2mill or 20k on their fees won't matter in the long run. What will matter is how he treated them.
What will matter is if he treated his children like someone he loves and cares for or like some investment he's expecting ROI from in the nearest future.

With all the girls staying with their parents till they get married you'd think they'd all be virgins.

It honestly depends on your belief.
But if we're being completely logical, A good female child is equal to a good male child.

Biological differences aside, there's literally nothing that one can do that the other can't.

Zayttoven:
If it's someone from my workplace, it's a bad idea.
But from another airline, sure why not.
Only that I don't get to meet them often.

I think when it comes to a relationship everyone is busy but it takes time and dedication to keep it running. I think the first thing you need is an empathetic woman who has similar goals to you. That is someone who is moving in the same direction with you. Preferably someone who works remotely so that when the time comes for you to move she can easily move.

Set a year that you'd like to marry and work towards it. If it's five years look for someone who also wants to marry in five years time.

List the qualities important to you and you'll know where to look for your woman.

Make out time daily to communicate and gist. Thankfully this is a time of technology so you don't have to see physical to talk. There's video call and voice call. Surprise each other with gifts regularly even tho little. It could be poems written, songs, cards handmade and delivered with logistics companies, etc..

You can set a time to talk. Eg, 1 hour 7pm every day or, if your schedule is unpredictable, just 1 hour everyday. Make it a habit to send text messages and just check up on them.

Tbh, no one actually has time. We're all busy. But you must make time and dedicate yourself.

You not saving money has nothing to do with her. It has more to do with you. Set a budget and do not go above it. It can be N0 , N10,000 , N20,000, etc. No one can force you to spend your own money.

Give what you can comfortably give without running mad if things go sideways.

I think I get where you're coming from.

But, the only thing stopping women from making their own money is
1) Most of them weren't raised to make money
2) Society isn't even encouraging women to make money.

If you grew up in Nigeria as a female odds are you've been told that having a 'husband and children of your own' is the greatest thing you'll ever achieve.

The truth is that most men have been raised to be providers and the women raised to be caretakers.

Some women lack the innovative thinking required to be successful. So they take the good ol route that has proven to be quite reliable time and time again. And I can't say I blame them.
How many businesses will give you 100k upwards with just one phone call and some small petting?

Nigeria is hard for everyone. That's not enough excuse to be lazy.

Anyways, this issue isn't even peculiar to Nigeria alone.

It also exists in developed countries. The only difference is that the society there encourages women to aspire to be something more than a wife and hard work genuinely pays there.

As for the men who leave responsible women, chase after gold diggers and when they get hurt take to the internet to vent, I've learnt long ago not too feel sorry for them. Most of then don't even deserve good women.

PS: just cause a woman is working and earning 12k doesn't mean she won't bill you ooo

Assuming you guys have been intimate right from when you started dating then it's safe to say that this issue has also been around for that long.

Why now?
Why not then?

Different people have different sex drives.
If she doesn't want it frequently now it's safe to say the possibility of her changing is slim.

It seems you're left with the obvious.
Decide to live like this till death do you part or leave.

I'm sure some people will recommend seeking the services of a side chick. Well, you should know that different women act very differently to betrayal.
Some stay, some leave but your marriage will never remain the same.
Hatred and unspoken malice.

Is it really worth it for something that could have been avoided?

Change the hotspot password?
Set it to connect to only one person or none.

Generalization is very dangerous.
There are about 100million females in Nigeria
99% of that is 99 million.

So Op, you're generalizing 99 million people based on the action one?

Greedy, stingy and selfish people will exist irrespective of gender. The sooner we understand that the clearer life will be.

Tripitaka:
You're right, it may be a human thing. But I'd say that a typical Nigerian's double standards is mindboggling.
They preach on and on about a virtue, but they don't even give a single fvck about this said virtue. .

Well you're right about that.
There's a certain amount of double standard.
I haven't been able to come up with an explanation for that.

Omo.
Anyways I think hypocrisy isn't only a Nigerian thing. It's generally something humans do.

As for the difference in our behavior when in vs when out of the country, this is due to the lawlessness of Nigerian..

Humans generally behave like animals when there is no law and order.
Remove that from the so called develop countries and watch everything burn to ashes.

When you know there are no consequences for you action you can behave anyhow.

And to think that poor child will have to grow up around these kind of people.

chidon007:
I concur. Oriamo power bank is awesome.
I bought one in makurdi N6000

Yes that's the normal price.
It seems they're doing a promo.

Go to the official Oriamo store on Jumia.
They're selling their 10,000mah power bank for 4,500 now
Shipping depends on your region.
Their power bank lasts.

MJluv:
What nonsense did you just write here?

Did you even read what the OP wrote, abi you just jump in to bash am?

I don't know what is wrong with we women, you give a woman an inch and she takes a mile.

mtchew!

You need to be calming down.

ThatIgboBoy:
Sure I am willing to. A man has to lead. But in this present economy, help from your wife shouldn't be such a bad idea.

You might just need to have a deep conversation with her.
Sometimes all these things women hear about men who waste their money outside makes then scared to invest financially in their homes.
She needs to see you guys as one not two then only will she be able to contribute.

One thing to avoid is having this my own, my own mentality in marriage. Even if you bought it with your money only it becomes ours.

When you see your partner as the same no sacrifice will be too big to make.

If you speak to her, she's not willing to change her mind and you know you can't cope please rethink the union

Are you willing to help her out too?
You can't eat your cake and have it.

When the time is right

Amossity:
the guy provoke me ni oo, he should be happy with his 282 , thats above average na, why making those with 1-sometin feels bad. which nigeria uni won't accept 282 in any course choosen.. we too go school na bro if no be say we leave the cert one place to face business

You've obviously been out of touch with admission processes nowadays.

In some schools, 300+ in jamb with an average waec does not guarantee you admission for some courses.

I'm curious tho, when Nigeria revolves this case would Waec still have to wait for the remaining west African countries to resolve theirs?

igwedehxy:
Pls I Need Ur Comments. My Jamb Score Is Not Satisfactory

Pls I am aspiring for medicine and surgery at EKSU. I am not an indegene and definitely not Yoruba. Pls advice if I stand a chance or not considering Eksu dont write post time exams. Will appreciate ur contributions

Well I'd say it depends on your waec result.

I'd advice you to go online and check how they calculate their cut off.

Also check for their past cut off.

There's a lot of information online if you know where to look.

Leave nairaland and search.

cococandy:
Right? Not frustrated Nairaland broloshos and virgin women.

I'm of the firm belief that virgins should marry virgins!

How can I keep myself only to marry a community dick that most people can recognize only by pics?

Virgin men are bae
No ex drama
Infidelity is low
No bringing of bastard kids into the marriage
No baby mama drama

The only thing I'll say is this
Life only gets tougher and tougher
If you can't face the heart break of jamb result how are you going to face the remaining disappointments in life?

If the solution for every problem is to drink sniper then.......

And also, she could have just done diploma and enter 200l or if she got up to 200 in jamb she could have gone to polytechnic and do DE from there.
Or even prelin in some unis
There's so many solution to the problem

She doesn't seem like someone who prepared for the exam sef.

Parents shouldn't force education on their kids.
She clearly didn't enjoy education.

montumonami:
I also applied..... Got the invite for interview few days ago.

Prepare well
Hope you get it
Best of luck

montumonami:
Yes, I wrote the exams few weeks ago. Awaiting the outcome

How about PTDF?

Ineedtoheal:
Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me.

I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).

We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.

Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!

Few info about the relationship
1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27.
2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.

3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.

4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.

5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.

6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.

7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.

8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.

9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.

10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.

His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.

Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.

Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time already. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.

Whatever jazz this guy used is strong oooo!!

Ayele!

My sister run run run!

also, I'm lowkey surprised that no one is calling her a virtuous and submissive woman.
Haha

Do you know who the friend she went to see is?
Also, was she always like this or this is a recent development?

Wow
Did he sign any legal papers?

Lol
All these men are basically the same

The muslims ones cheat then marry their favourite side chick

The non muslim ones who's faith doesn't allow marrying of more than one wife still cheat then some have childrens with said side chicks

There's really no difference

It's about the man not his religion.

There are a lot of wealthy muslim families which the man only has one wife

There are also a lot of non muslim families in which the man has more than one wife

It's all nice until you loose a genuine good babe who loves you.

Not all women will take bs because they want to marry.
Anyways, there's someone for everyone.