₦airaland Forum

c.fours:
I personally won't mind staying home to care for kids. But I also won't want a husband who is domineering and controlling like yours is.

in your case, you want to work and feel miserable staying at home.  What's the point of staying home to "rest" when all it's going to make you feel is miserable! You could try working a part-time schedule otherwise, maybe have a relative stay with you to help in caring for the child.

I think this is the emerging consensus. A consulting job is not a wise job choice for somebody in her situation except she wants to do it just until she gets pregnant again. Otherwise, there are lots of fulfilling jobs outside of banking/consulting (non-profit, civil service, teaching etc) that she can do relatively stress free. Of course, those jobs aren't as prestigious by Lagos standards but they would be a perfect match for her needs. Better still, she can start her own business and put her finance degree to practical use.

Nashville:
Submission is not a choice. It is required of a woman in marriage. I have read many women asking how do you submit to a cheat, a wife beater, gambler, etc? My advice to you is that please do not marry a cheat, wife beater and gambler. The man is the head of the house and the woman should submit to him. If you know you can not submit to your man, then please do not marry him. There is absolutely no reason for a woman to marry a man she cannot submit to or respect. It is a sin so please dont get into it just because you want to get married.

Please note I have not defined what submission means. I will leave that to personal interpretation as there is no standard definition.

So your advice only pertains to single women? If they are already married to cheats and wife-beaters, then there is no hope but an eternity of servitude to a man that will infect them with HIV? Abeg, the submission instruction only applies when there is love. Once the love comots, you had better start packing your load.

juleze:
Na wa o! NL is a world on its own.
There's something surprising me though: why would a married woman get on her computer some minutes past 5am to reply to a post on NL (UK's still on GMT)?
This is the very thing that scares me about being housewife.
I don't want to have mainly faceless friends, nor have my husband talk to me like I'm the housemaid ("you didn't iron the collar of my shirt well. What do you even do that you can't complete a simple task like this? Guess you should have studied Home Management rather than, ". Of course, being a housewife would he much easier for me, but who I would become is what scares me, though some others can cope better than me.

@OP: I tend to question even my actions, so I'll like you to personally question your husband's reason for sponsoring your Masters degree simply because he wants to brag about the education of his wife or because he wants you to work with it.
Also, be certain of his love for you, as a lot of people equate care with love. Care is when you assist someone by making them feel better; while love is placing someone's need before yours, more often than not (men are not likely to do this that's the bible states that husbands should love their wives by giving their lives for them). Thus, you can care without loving, but you can't love without caring. For example you can care for your car by taking it to mechanic.
If you've been able to establish that his love is genuine, and his intentions without guile, then you could go ahead with his idea, without ignoring the pointers from ftmom.

I do sincerely wish you a happy and successful marriage.

You might be right. I have seen some men in my extended family do just that: send their wives to expensive graduate programs abroad and then turn them into housewives immediately after. It's prestige/pedigree thing. To these men, the wife's degrees are just vanity projects. They still consider homemaking and baby-making her primary duties. Not that I see anything particularly wrong with that, especially if it works for them and their wives are happy.

Submission and love are inseparable. A woman shouldn't submit to a man that doesn't love her and man should not love a woman that doesn't submit to him. It's a self-reinforcing cycle that takes wisdom, humility and a genuine commitment by both parties to nurture and sustain.

I honestly can't stand grown men who let their parents destroy their young families. Your parents have enjoyed their lives to the fullest and now they want to suck out the enjoyment from yours? You have to be really disciplined about cutting your parents loose. It's going to be a long draw-out process (and I hope you have sources of spiritual and moral support outside NL).

You have already done the most important thing for now: getting your wife and children to a safe place away from your parents. The next thing is for you to focus on gaining some financial stability in your own life so you can join your wife and kids. They are all you've got and being a husband, father and provider for them is your utmost priority. If your goal is to relocate here permanently, then act quickly to become financially stable so your wife and kids can join you. Otherwise, work a little bit, save some cash and then go back home to take care of your family!

You have spoiled your parents and allowed them to think you're their domesticated cash-cow. Leave the house to them (they will probably sell it and keep the cash) and kiss them goodbye, permanently. They don't have the best intentions for you; otherwise, they would not have been so quick to forget all the good you have done for them and start bad-mouthing you to strangers.

serubawon:
@moremi. You are about to start another battle o. Don't mess with these women o.

Madam CC is my future sister-in-law but she just doesn't know it yet.

netotse:
@CC
nice thread. . .cant answer the question yet though. . .

P.S.
there's only one reason I'm on this thread. . .to decide which perfume to buy for myself next o, I cant cling to cool water for ever. . .lol

Cool Water truly sucks! I honestly don't know what people see in it! You should generally avoid buying any perfumes you see at Boots or CVS!

Can we not turn this thread into a Pro-Life/Pro-Choice debate?! I don't think it's fair to the OP! Let's save this argument for somewhere else and focus on providing her with practical advice!

Who is crushing who? What has Ajegunle got to do with Paris? What has the prince got to do with a maggot-ridden pauper?

I mean, let's take a look at his allegations logically and see if it isn't he that is the old, foolish fa[i]g[/i]got!

What kind of man follows another man from thread to thread, and then from section to section, gets ignored and still comes back again and again? Na by force?! What part of "I NOT interested" doesn't this im[i]b[/i]ecile understand?! Why is he salivating excitedly over the mere thought of getting into a fight with me? Does he think he can ride my coat tails to NL glory? Impossible!

An old man that calls himself a Rich C[i]u[/i]nt is calling me a gay?! Wonders shall never end! This decaying fossil is looking at the mirror and barking at himself!!!

Foolish, old C[i]u[/i]nt, now listen to your master: we are NOT on the same level and we will never be. Your miserable life is almost over and it's nobody's fault that you are a failure, plagued with low s[i]p[/i]erm count and chronic halitosis. Your wife left you for another man because she couldn't stand your ugly guts and low IQ. Why don't you slither back into the mangrove swamps you crawled out of and stop following me about like a little b[i]i[/i]tch in heat. You are beneath me and If you want me to engage you properly, then go back to school to learn how to write, read and thinking PROPERLY. Better still, go back to the drawing board to figure out why a man in his fifties is picking fights with young people on the internet! It's because you are a fcking mess! A senior citizen with rancid peanuts for brains! Your life needs a complete restructuring or total liquidation because you have nothing of value to offer the universe! Maggot swamp fa[i]g[/i]got, stop following me around Nairaland and just go die already!

This is the last time I will address you. Go find somebody on your level to bark at.

davidylan:
nna men. The pipu here ehn. Moremi defend ya sef oh

Defend myself against what? A mad man? Haba! I know I like to pick e-fights but I have still got standards. You can't pay attention to everything that barks!

agiboma:
rotflmao yes its does can i be first in line  bb where u been miss u much

Abeg, don't miss her! She is an original trouble-finder! I haven't seen one single thread that she has waltzed into that hasn't degenerated into a bloody fist fight! Smiling at you and prodding you with a stick at the same time.

The bittersweet reality of life is that all the studying and first class degrees in the world do not guarantee success in the game of life. For every Nigerian with a first-class, there are a thousand Indians and Chinese with a first-class+++. The world is teeming with technocrats and only a few of them make it past middle management. It's not sufficient to study hard and do well in school. Good grades have to be coupled with personality, wisdom, emotional intelligence and a good dose of humility.

debrief08:
Thanks and Bless you. Enjoy the rest of your day

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the good laugh! Enjoy the rest of your day too!

debrief08:
Please do not use the F word on me or to refer to me. Please.

Blah, blah, blah! Fck! Fck! Fck!

Now that I have properly upset you, go find the nearest cliff and FCKING jump, you hormonal mess! 

This is why there needs to be free medical care in Nigeria. Look at the poor thing foaming in the mouth for absolutely nothing! Monkey no know levels oh!

debrief08:
Luckily she who I am writing to understands what I mean, and whatever you may feel really doesnt matter to me. Stay here and be getting in d middle of women fighting while trying to add more fuel, your business, Have said my share to whom it was meant for. Have fun

I don't care if it is chickens or women fighting! What I care about is fairness and a certain degree of logical consistency. I have read your posts DB. Your story is a powerful testimony. Stop fcking it up by speaking from both sides of your mouth.

moHot:
am thinking MOREMI and SAGAMITE are best of friends outside nairaland or they simply love each other and don't want to say it

You're smoking that good sh*T, aren't you? I would never be caught dead with the likes of Shagamumu in real life.

debrief08:
Please just dont get into any more quarels, you need all the peace of mind you can get. I am not interested in who says what and did what, they both seem to be in a good place in their lives, and I want you to get to that good place of peace and not get hurt by name calling and unnecessary e fights. Not even my business oh but I normally try to walk in peoples shoes and am walking in yours now

OMG! How do you know whoever it is you're referring to is in a "good" place? What does that have to do with basic principles of courtesy? So Agiboma should shut-up because you have judged her to be in a "bad" place while those of us in a "good" place are free to attack and bully? I am only trying to tease out your logic here and it isn't looking very good, Madam DB.

Busy_body:
he he he, yeah saw you told him to back off . . . to go . . .and recharge, lol. I didn't call you both troubleseekers for nowt

Awww common, don't out me like that, I'm dyslexic y'know But I have never spelt it correctly na, I keep thinking its Richhunt but know it doesn't have two "h" so I just pluck any letter off the top of my head to superimpose between the two, lol, sowwy Er. . . what does that suffix mean by the way, cos this is the reason I always mispell it cos my clean mind refuses to believe it means what it says it means

I am a bit disappointed that you would equate me with Richcunt. We are NOT on the same level. The likes of him would not even dare look me in the face in real life. I have no patience for his brand of foolishness. An ancient he-goat with no shame! That's why I haven't paid him any attention since the initial spat. He's just not worth the extra keystrokes.

tpia@:
@ moremi

stella onyeador, not stella obasanjo.

See my life! I saw Stella and "LATE" and just assumed it was Stella Obasanjo! Apologies oh!

debrief08:
I am going to beg you once please you have to focus and aviod getting personal with people. Disagree with oppinionns and stop making unnecessary online imaginery enemies. I was suprised when you decided to declare war on me and I handled it well because this should be a place to relax and not a place to make more enemies. Life on its own is stressful, there is so much you are dealing with and I know cos I have been in your shoes too, please stop making enemies in places where you should be making friends and Sisters. Jenny is not an enemy, she is not just a diplomatic person, if in the begining you had objected to her ideas and not resorted to attacking the person behind the ideas you will not be constantly invloved in this fight.
I beg you to stop creating enemies where there are none. I have been where you are now and the last thing you need is to start getting in E fights. When you first came here and presented your case a lot of us adviced you based on our expereince and life lessons we had picked, Someone came here and said what you wanted to hear, proceeded to attack my and other personalities and you just marked me and others as enemies and attack personalities and not points you disagree with.
If you will take my advice re orientate yourself in this section, stop attacking and supporting others who attack personalites and not issues at stake, free your mind from biase or the thought that there is a silly "cabal" who loves divorce here. Far from it, I am a divorcee and read to mist of my posts, I encourage women to make the sacrifice and make their marriages work but i will not encourage any woman to stay in an abusive or disrespectful marriage. In Nigeria, women are made to stay in abusive and horrible maarriages because of fear and stigma, I conquered that fear when I almost died due to such horrible advices and I owe it to other women to dispel that fear from them.
All I am saying is read advices, assimilate and filter, dont start attacking people or supporting others who attack people, We have different experiences and thats why people come to post thier problems here to get different oppinions, no one will follow anyone home to ensure the advice is followed, we only advice from different points of views, see it as that and move on. Stop this fighting, you need all the peace you can get now at home and online, dont let your self loose that.

Isn't your advice a bit hypocritical? So you looked right past JK's very personal attacks on both Agiboma and Uplawal to excuse away her behavior as only undiplomatic and then suggest that JK is Agiboma's "friend"/"sister"? In what world? Is this how ladies define friendship and sisterhood? If yes, then that's a startling shame.

Miss_Ife:
The only successful marriage I can imagine with a womanizer would be one having these two things :
- the lady was aware of it before getting married and was/is genuinely cool with it (they even set their own rules concerning discretion, STD etc.)
- the lady has the right too to have as many boyfriends as she likes

I've known very few couples who lasted and were truly in love with each other with that kind of setting. Actually just one. But Agiboma's situation doesn't seem fair. It doesn't sound successful to me when the woman (or the man if it was the case) got married to someone she loved and trusted to be faithful and then suddenly has to deal with an army of girlfriends, with all the consequences.

I wouldn't say that I disagree with you on most points. But we aren't the ones in the marriage and we don't know any of Agiboma's history or shortcomings. If it makes sense for her to stay in the marriage, then good for her. I am not a big fan of coming between a married couple unless there is violence involved.

ps - Agiboma, you had better go stock up on condoms! You don't want to pay the price for somebody else's enjoyment oh! Some STDs stay with you for the rest of your life. A word is enough for the wise!

oddy4real:
Read what you posted all over again and ask yourself if u made sense

You seem VERY upset! Is Ibori your daddy? Or are you another one of his bastard children? Tell us! Let us know why you're really hurting! 

oohunt:
Who says abortion will not bring fire and brimstone from God? ? ? ? Wait until judgement day. Every bad deed has a consequence believe it or not. This one, this a GRAVE ONE. Abortion is a sin, it is murder!!! You have no right to take a person's life. You have already done the deed by conceiving this child. All of you in support of abortion be ready to answer to God on the last day that you supported the unfair killing of an innocent, blameless, spotless creation of God. 

@OP, having a child definitely changes your life. I would advise you to keep this pregnancy, but prepare your mind for the rigorous journey. The man that wants to marry you, if he truly loves you then he would accept you with the pregnancy.

Abeg, save all this fire and brimstone nonsense for the birds! You would be shocked at the number of your deacons, deaconesses and pastors that have had abortions in the past!

Please stop deceiving this woman into holding on to the very slim chances of her finding a suitable husband with a bastard child. If she is in her late twenties in Nigeria and hasn't found a man to price her wares yet, then she's probably not a hot cake and things will get even worse with the extra baggage! Well, there are always men from the village if she's willing to spend generously.

Sagamite:
I would rather have a BMI of 2000 than have your daft brain.

Did I not say earlier that I would catch you making dumb arguments? You were too dumb, it took me less than a week from saying I would catch you to catch you arguing dumbly and then thumped you.

person!

Go treat your borderline-Autism! Nairaland shouldn't be your source of free therapy! You're pot-bellied, ponmo-lipped man with misfiring neurons! Your life is also bereft of love and happiness. I would bitter too if I were you! You poor miserable thing!

ps - shouldn't you be able to afford a deodorant that won't stain your underarms green? Or did all your disposable income go towards purchasing that horrid Primark tee?

Ibori is an aspiring war lord. The British would be foolish to let him go. I strongly suspect some serious money has passed from certain Swiss bank accounts into Jonathan's hands. That's the only thing that can explain this madness! Jonathan, we see you for who you are! A bloody criminal thief, thief with an Aba-made PhD!

^^^^^===== so Sagamite is a fatty? Tell me something I didn't already figure out! Isn't BMI 40 approaching well into morbid-obesity territory? The ugly fat fool should be working out his muscles in the gym and not his mouth on NL!

Wait a minute! Stella Obasanjo was once married to Ojukwu?! That woman must have a premium obanje pussycat.

serubawon:
@moremi2008 Ha ha!!! Beautiful description. How I wish I'm as handsome (or ugly) as people want me to be. Thank God only one person knows who I look like and she is under oath (by her husband) to keep her peace.

Eya. CC, you know how to make my head swell sha (within reason).

Madam CC will flatter anybody that will get her a BMW X5.

dayokanu:
^^ Thats the full lyrics you posted

I want all the verses! I go hard, bros!

Does anyone have the rest of the lyrics for:

Enikan be to feran wa, A o fe wa
Ife re ju ti ye kan lo, A o fe wa
Ore aye ko wa sile
Bi oni dun, ola le koro
Sugbon ore yi kii tan ni, A o fe wa

Emi ni Jesu fe, ofe mi yeye
Emi ni Jesu feran ju enikeni lo
O ra mi pad lowo iku ekeji
Ayo igbala mi wa di pupo repete