₦airaland Forum

We men can rant and rave all we want. This law/legal precedence has been around for decades and unlikely to change anytime soon. The way the law sees it, that man and his wife were both building his empire TOGETHER because he wouldn't have been able to focus on business if she wasn't home to keep the fort. At last, that's the argument.

It is important to understand the origins of what appears to be a consensus among law systems in the West. Women were traditionally required to stay at home to raise the kids and some women were left with the short end of the stick when after investing their best years raising the kids/keeping the home, their husbands left them for younger women and plunged them into abject poverty! It's only fair that the courts asked the man to split his assets 50/50.

Even today, the courts make distinctions between housewives and wives with careers. Most women that get very high divorce payouts were stay-at-home-wives of very wealthy men and can typically only claim 50% of that portion of the man's net worth that accrued to the man AFTER the marriage (and not before). This is another reason why it is wiser for men to delay marriage until their late thirties or early forties so they have some assets their wives can't claim in case of divorce. It is also wise for men to make sure their wives work and have their own careers!

We can scream and shout as much as we want but we are not going to remain single forever. I have seen a few men that chose to remain permanent bachelors and NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING good came out of it.

Sagamite:
You are a bloody cretin!

So as far as your dumb life is concerned, you will base your opinions on any faulty law. It is not surprising when you have cotton wool for brains.

Air head!

Go bore somebody else with your foolishness.

Neither! The iPhone is the master of them all!

Sagamite:
You are a cretin!

You said $21m is not too much to pay. That is a personal opinion and justification.

Explain how she is worth $21m, dumbo!

She is worth whatever the courts say she is worth. It's an appeal of a prior court case, remember? Empty barrel! Go take your meds instead of coming on here to rant against imaginary injustice!

[quote author=tpia@ link=topic=859170.msg10267125#msg10267125 date=1330109327]

huh?

you mean coogar is the guy in the romance section photos who is currently jetting off to germany with his "significant other"?

wonders will never cease!![/quote]Hahahaha! Is that so? I knew that guy looked familiar when the pics hit the blogs!

Sagamite:
You are a cretin!

Who said he should not provide for his kids?

You never referred to laws, you dumb fck!

Fooool, explain to me how you concluded she was worth the 21m?

Which child needs such sums to be raised?

Because a law is dumb does not mean you should vomit the philosophy like a cretin and say it is "civilisation". What did I tell you about using your brain?

You horrid little dunce! I didn't refer to laws? Go back and re-read. Granted, I used "courts" and "rules" instead of "law" but only a fool would belabor the distinction.

Sagamite:
You are a cretin!

What you said did not refer to laws. You expressed an opinion of entitlement.

Did he force her to be a housewife in a "civilised" country?

She could not refuse? She did not have free will? FOOOOOL!

She does not in a "civilised" country have the personal choice to decide if she wants to be pregnant and how many times?

Cretin!

You put arguments like if she was forced to do anything.

Tell me why she deserves $21m.

So because laws exist means they can not be dumb laws?

Weak arguments from a weak mind. Was the man forced to marry the woman? To impregnate her? It was a union by mutual consent. You want to marry and have babies, then get ready to provide for them in proportion to your net worth especially if you're dumb enough to not sign a pre-nup!

Whether the law is dumb or wise is another topic for another thread. If the worwor Itsekiri man wanted to avoid paying gbemu alimony and child support, he would have gone to his village to marry and then raised his family in Naija! It's called regulatory arbitrage! He wanted his kids raised in the Queen's garden and now its too late to cry over spilled milk!

So all you men can marry your sister-in-law? Chei!!!! That's just awkward!

ayodele123:
moremi2008
That is my own view oh and am not imposing it on anyone oh!
Everyone has an option or opinion how he lives his own life here on Earth
To me, there is much more to human existence than going through needless stress to have a male child, inheritance and the like.
These are inordinate ambitions and there are too many of them based on earthly philosophies, destroying peace and tranquility in the lives of men.If God refuses to release a male child in a family, is it the end of this life?
what do you call ''basic instincts'',what drives them or by what are one's basic instincts guided by?
I am guided by the word of God which is not a philosophy but the word of life.
I agree with one of the responses above about Ego being responsible.
Two years ago, one Grandpa aged 70 married a wife aged less than 40 and had a baby just beause he wanted to prove to his 1st wife that he was still a man. His wife ''insulted'' him that he was not virile and he went to prove his virility. The youngest of 6 children from the 1st wife is about 25 years old. See what inordinate ambition & ego led a man to. He died few months ago at 72 leaving behind the little girl barely 2 years old as a liability unto others.

That old man is my role model! That's what I call Abrahamic fruitfulness! Three gbosas for Baba 70 jare!

Kidding oh!

agiboma:
They both fcked in the wisdom department, they both need to talk as adults and come to a fair consenses on this petty issue, omg what if a real problem comes into the marriage, what are they gonna do then.

True. It always takes two to fight and tango.

Sagamite:
You are a cretin!

Children need $40m plus additional $1m a year for their upkeep?

You are a bloody mooron!

Why should he pay $21m, you dumb fck?

Laws, I am sure they have them where ever you are living. If he didn't sign that pre-nup, then he's gonna pay up! There are limits to what men can get away with in a civilized world. You can't marry a woman, impregnate her four times, probably keep her as an housewife and then push her out when you're done with pennies, not if you're worth 9 figures. The courts will make sure they get at sizable portion of your largess. I don't make the rules. Go rage against your Queen or better still, go join a monastery!

chaircover:
Moremi it will take more than one man not having a male child for the whole family name to die out. We are talking a whole family name here; cousins, nephews, aunties, siblings, uncles etc etc and unless they all have girls who go on to get married, the family name cannot die.

Think of how many people bear your surname and have a think about if that surname will dissappear say if you didnt have a son but only daughters.

If you tell me that you want to beat your chest and declare amongst your friends/wife and to anyone that will listen that you are a real man for planting a male seed in your wife (as men like to do) then that is totally different reason and I dont begrudge men that do it. Ego is often linked to the thing down there and money.

Madam CC, "name" is only proxy for DNA. I don't care what happens to my sibling's/cousin's DNA! It can die out for all I care. My own must survive! It's an evolutionary instinct!

Will I be upset if I can't make male children? Very much! Will I go and marry another wife? Hell no! I'll just admit to myself that I have failed the most basic challenge of manhood and then devote myself exclusively to making money and marrying off the girls to the richest men in town (marrying off his girls is probably Yar'Adua's greatest accomplishment in office)! 

chines4:
But u'r willing to pluck a flower planted by another man

Yes oh! It's a tough world. Survival of the fittest! My great grandfather plucked 24 beautiful flowers from gardens all over Yorubaland before he went on to glory. I am not afraid to take on the challenge! 

ayodele123:
But it is TRUE, at least in Nigeria. If you don't have a male child, your name dies out because your girls will marry into other families. Let's call a spade a spade here and not hide behind notions that are completely bogus in the Nigerian context. I am as "feminist" as most Nigerian men get but I still see some value to having at least one male child. Female children are largely vanity projects. I can count on one fingertip the names of Nigerian women that have had any meaningful high-profile impact on the country (yeah, Okonjo/the NAFDAC lady/the bosom cancer researcher in Chicago/Moremi/Amina/Kuti/Chimanda/Tejuosho. Who else?). I am not interested in planting flowers for another man to pluck!


My comment: I am 47, wife is 44. we have only one kid,a daughter aged 14, no son.
I cannot even think of it, on religious grounds to marry another woman, in the name of searching for a male child to carry on my name. For me, Wife No 2 is an impossible project male son or no male son.

Where it turns out that a man is unable to have a male child, should he go hang himself? Is it not for this reason that many men have been pressured into multiple marriages and a battallion of children beyond their pockets to train? Is it not for this same reason that some wives have been sacked from their matrimonial homes? Is it not for this reason that the African mother-in-law is a dreaded figure,deriving her powers from such obnoxious traditional and cultural beliefs which she uses to trouble her daughters-in-law?
In Africa, we see females as vanity projects and it is for this reason that females are seen but not to be heard. In many societies, females are regarded as slaves, sex objects to satisfy men's intimate urges and as items of purchase to be oppressed and humiliated at will.
As a man, you do not want your name to die then a male son becomes a must-have project. African solutions are : Sack wife 1 and marry wife 2 i.e. foray into polygamy even against your wishes because you want to be seen as a man or satisfy societal expectations. Solution 2: Seek the Devil's agents for solution to produce a male child and in the process derail your eternal destiny and peace. Who produces babies? God. The formation of babies in the womb is a mystery.
These issues of the world including the male child syndrome are temporal issues and vanity in itself. Without a male child, you can have a happy and satisfying marriage and life. One should be focussing on eternity and eternal things than preoccupy himself with mundane projects such as 'i must have a son' and in the process derail his destiny through pressured, bogus solutions.
Thats my view anyway.

Uncle, having a male child is not mundane oh! I am sure you are very happy with your girl but that doesn't mean other men should or would be happy with that outcome. You can't philosophize against basic instincts! 

Outstrip:
There was a similar situation like that that was posted her a while back.


I don't understand what you mean by there was nothing they could do. I cannot even imagine. I cannot believe that they just let these people mutilate their children and moved on as if no wahala. DO they even understand the social ramifcations of cutting up your face. mscheeeeeeeeeeew

As for the woman and her mother I believe this is grounds from removing that child from the mother. It is abuse simple and short. She is not fot to be the childs mother.

So what can they do to poor old grandpa and grandma? Besides, no amount of corrective plastic surgery can completely remove those marks!

[quote author=c.fours link=topic=859170.msg10261599#msg10261599 date=1330053545]hahaha one broke bastard no beautiful girl will pay attention to.
go jump off a cliff with your frustrated self. 

clearly you envy those rich men and their trophy rotation of wives.
the men are not complaining so why are you carrying other people's 'problems' on your head?[/quote]LOL! Please take it easy on Saggie.  

lao:
Saw the wedding ring that caused the palava. It is a plain gold wedding band with no stone. It is the same as the husband and the wife's name is engraved in it. Crazy lady wore it as a pendant with her chain.

Wife did not like the fact that there was no wow moment whenever anyone who heard she was married see it. She decided to buy herself a white gold diamond

ring which actually brought the wow factor ( that is how I got to know about the gist ) Well everyone had complimented her on the ring and how lovely it looks.

Now to return it and wear the plain gold wedding ring is a big deal cause it will raise eyebrows. I guess her friends are the reason behind the change although

she said she told them her husband got it for her. I have had the opportunity to be in the company of the husband a few times and he seems like a quiet, nice and

down to earth person. For the guy to insist I think there is more to the issue cause he does not seem like someone who forces his way on things.

Please, just tell this lady that she has fcked up big time and needs to humbly go and beg her husband. In fact, if she wants to completely kill this issue and not have it continue to crop up in the future, she should ask her husband to consider the money she spent on the ring as a loan that he has to repay in the future when he is more "buoyant". That way, the man will feel like he ultimately paid for the ring and not his wife. Humility will go a long way in this situation because truth be told, the lady fcked up in the wisdom department.

Super story!

Besides, if all it took was a name to legally claim property, I would change mine to Aliko Dangote and go claim all his money!

Metalgoong:
Why not pay the money for him!

Did you miss the second half of that sentence. Besides, nah me marry wife?! Abeg, comot!

JeSoul:
LOL.

@topic,
   I think the ring issue is merely a manisfestation of a bigger problem they both have. They are both wrong and neither is willing to compromise/sacrifice - that spells trouble.

---

Not all women. If my husband gave me a plastic ring I would still love & treasure it because it came from him. When he told me how much he spent I even told him it was too much self. I'm frequently appalled at the amount of money and importance people have put into something as inconsequential as 'the' ring. To me that money can be better used in so many other ways. A woman who laughs at what other women are wearing . . . that is so shallow & narrowminded its scary, and I'm glad she's your ex.

Perhaps we need a little bit more context to truly understand this situation. Some women are in really intense social situations where the wrong decision about something as symbolic as a ring can have devastating social consequences. I'll be fair to my ex by saying she had a pretty fancy group of friends and I knew exactly what the ring expectations were with that group. Our relationship did not advance to the level of seriously shopping for engagement rings but I knew I would have had to cough up the dough if the time came. Unless this guy is as sensitive as a rock, he should have known (or at least asked for) his wife's taste in rings before buying one. Rings are just too important and symbolic for that kind of fck up! Nobody should be ok with an unhappy bride!

I don't think $21mm is too much to pay, especially if the man is worth as much as I think he is. She has four children for him!!! Alimony+Child support alone would total more than $15mm. This razz Itsekiri man thinks he can play the UK court system!!! Better men than he have tried and failed woefully! He needs to go ask Fernandez about his divorce experience!

The things one sees on NL!!!! I don't even know what to say to this! What was she thinking? Did her mother jazz her into this foolishness? This story doesn't make a lot of sense. Don't children typically bear the tribal marks of the father's village/town? How did the MIL get involved? The man is clearly NOT the father of these children (at least that's what the wife's action indicates). I would send them all out of my house, pronto!

Jesus! Na so woman scarce reach for Lagos? While biology might permit marrying a sister-in-law, practical concerns forbids it! Besides, aren't the two families now symbolically one?

Vavavoom:
The two strange things in this debate:
* Women give birth to men(boys) who themselves posses the underlying factor (Y-chromosome) responsible for a male child at conception.

Something tells me a reversal of role would be fun to watch. Listen, the ACT of marrying another and giving birth cannot happen by either sex, it is a JOINT effort requiring coupling of characteristics shared by both. So even in the act of procreation the business is jointly held.
The ignorance of the laidback is to hide under the desire of a male child when knowledge abounds as to improving the child sex prior to conception. This is bewildering. I mean why work so hard and not take interest in the small details? It ain't about consumating all the time but giving oneself the best possible chance at getting the desired progeny.

*Women, knowing the society from which you descend is paramount in forestalling all such dictates under which the all-conquering MIL lie in wait. Before you say ''I do'' CHECK all the boxes ( luv no dey belleful) and be sure you can live with them - remember most mothers in-law are likely to move the goalpost mid way into the union to bed-in with societal demands. Strange but true. How women(mothers in-law) got to be brainwashed into believing as right that a man MUST by way of remaining relevant after he is gone have another (son) bear his name is beyond belief. It gives grief thinking about it - and for another woman to be championing that line against her kind is dumbfounding. When we die those held in positive light are they who leave godwill in the hearts of many they shared a common space while alive. No be weda u be boy or girl

People(society) should rise above child sex and other societal malice against women and think how best both sexes can help shape society positively.

But it is TRUE, at least in Nigeria. If you don't have a male child, your name dies out because your girls will marry into other families. Let's call a spade a spade here and not hide behind notions that are completely bogus in the Nigerian context. I am as "feminist" as most Nigerian men get but I still see some value to having at least one male child. Female children are largely vanity projects. I can count on one fingertip the names of Nigerian women that have had any meaningful high-profile impact on the country (yeah, Okonjo/the NAFDAC lady/the bosom cancer researcher in Chicago/Moremi/Amina/Kuti/Chimanda/Tejuosho. Who else?). I am not interested in planting flowers for another man to pluck!

Sorry if I have hurt any feelings. I just call it like it is.   

chaircover:
^^^^ Yes but have you stopped to consider how your wife may feel if you refuse her to spend any of her money on the home/you?

I would feel really bad if my husband had a project and he refused a penny of mine. I would feel that he didnt trust me, didnt feel comfortable enough with me to accept any money from me, didnt see me as part of the team and he just saw me as someone who had just come to chop his money.

I see your point. But women are tricky devils! If you spend her money, she will constantly remind you of that fact and before long, you're condemned to washing her undies forever! I'll admit before you say it that I have ego issues. I am just terrified of a woman thinking that because she has contributed 2 million to a 50 million project, she has earned the right to lay down the rules. Besides she can spend her money on small stuff for the kids if she likes. I just don't want her spending her money on me except for the occasional gift.

Now, if, God forbid, something happens and I lose all my money, then I might consider it. But as long as I am able and sufficient, she can keep her money or go use it to buy gold jewelry for herself.

suggary:
I didnot say anyin,left my mum to do the talking and men she almost caused a civil war when she she came back the next day.since then my dad does not argue if I say I want to sleep out he would just gumble and say do what u like.in all sha I thank God dat I discovered dat the door was open if not they thieves would have violated me tire

Wow! That's such a terrible story. I can't believe he fled and left you alone in the house! Some men sha!

chaircover:
Thank God you didnt marry your Ex

I would never buy a small rock for my wife! That would be just embarrassing!

chaircover:
Hope that this is not how they mean to go on in the marriage

When she knows that the husband has bad taste in rings, then she should have sed her womanly ower to persuade him to both go shopping for the ring so there are no nasty surprises on the day.

He too should have used style to cajole his wife to accept the ring that he'd bought and given her an estimated date when he would change it for her even if it were 5 years down the line

Its all about communication.

Now Katakata don burst all becasuse of a peice of metal.

I kinda feel for the woman a little bit though. My ex used to laugh at women with tiny rocks or ugly rings. So I am guessing it's a big deal for women. Guys could care less what kind of wedding ring they wear!

davidylan:
So i guess the woman is left with weaves then?

I personally hate weaves. I think they smell. Would end up washing my pillows constantly out of paranoia.

There is also the option of braiding. Weaves smell only if the lady has had it on for too long. Either way, I make her wear a hairnet. I can't stand oily hair on my face while we're getting down.

suggary:
Funny enough I begged him I wanted to sleep out dat day cos it was my birthday and my friends offered to take me clubing dat day,he was angry and refused only to run away and leave the door opened when armed robbers came.

Wow! So what did he now say to you after the thieves left?

I really don't care what the girl's hair looks like as long as it's pretty and not traditional plaiting or low-cut! So I guess I prefer processed straight hair/weaves or whatever. I absolutely HATE dreadlocks! Oh, and I also hate any type of hair that isn't black. Colored weaves are a no-no-no!