₦airaland Forum

To be honest, I don't plan to ever spend a penny of my wife's money. It's just not my cup of tea to be spending a woman's money. If she wants to work, fine. If she doesn't want to work, equally fine. Our lifestyle and livelihood is not going to depend on her income. She can do what she likes with her money; I could care less. That's just the way I am oh. I guess I have a giant ego when it comes to providing for the family.

rosefleurs:
Heavens!  Naija, for the love of God. 

Is that just Lagos or is it widespread now?

It's in most big cities, not just Lagos. Rates of armed robbery appeared to decline for a while as robbers increasingly focused on stealing cars on the roads and robbing banks. But you still hear of cases of household armed robberies all over the place.

I remember when armed robbers came to our house late one morning! Jesus! It was only me, my grandma, the gateman, the gardener and two housegirls at home. They woke me up from my sleep and said they were "the police". They then took me around the house as they ransacked the whole place. Thankfully, my mum NEVER keeps cash at home, always keeps her special-occasion jewelry at the bank and for some reason all the cars except one were out at the time. They stole a bunch of stuff (mostly electronics, some jewelry and one car) and violated the two housegirls. It was a pretty horrific experience but we thank God no life was lost. Of course, the police was completely useless as usual.

Basics007:
Really?! Iyen le o!

My uncle is in the army and he sourced the gun for us after the robbery above (this happened almost 12yrs ago). I have no idea where the little pistol came from (but I suspect one of her friends bought one and convinced her to do the same because that's what American women do in the movies (i.e. keep little guns in their purses)!)

agiboma:
Well we recently got a loaded gun in our house for security reason's , when i first saw hubby with it i laughed and called him the gun man, but in a country where you got to take your own personal security into your own hands it is very neccessary.

My mum has a giant double barrel in her closet and the last time I went home, I found a tiny pocket pistol by the window in her dressing room. I am 100% certain she can't use either one of them. I don't know who has been giving her terrible advice or convincing her to waste her money. I guess it's good for "peace of mind". May God protect us from the evil one oh! Amen.

The wife is unwise, imho. Was she expecting the man to steal to buy her another ring? If she had the money to upgrade her own ring, then she should have taken the man along with her when she went shopping for the ring. They are now married and thus, one. She should know better than to go buy herself a ring without her husband's consent! Her actions imply that her man was not "man" enough to buy her a worthy ring so she bought one for herself. I would pretty upset too if I were her husband.

The deed is done and the husband needs to come off his ego trip and just let sleeping dogs lie. He should use this as motivation to work harder and make more paper!

I suspect there might be some serious underlying communication issues between the couple. Otherwise, a ring would not be such a big deal.

The U.S. government LOVES to throw big-sounding technology and strategy at issues to cover up their own gross incompetence! They had enough warning about Abdulmutallab to stop him but their tangled bureaucracy got in the way! Until they solve this fundamental problem, nothing will change.

This is so tragic! I have heard of similar cases involving small children and school buses. May God help us oh!

chaircover:
People are funny o! They are all saying the wife should build her own place. Is building or purchasing a property in this day and age beans?

If it were that easy, the man wont even be expecting a penny from his wife to put towards the building and we wont even be having this discussion.

They should both pool their resources together but put things in place so that she or the kids dont loose out if God forbid something happens to the man. She wont be the first woman to only have girls and so both husband and wife should learn from the mistakes of others.

If you ask her to build her house and he builds his, it will take them both twice as long to complete their individual projects.

Madam CC, your advice is only applicable if the wife is sure that in case of misfortune, the house will go to her kids. In this case, she has been EXPLICITLY warned by her MIL and she is right to be extremely cautious. The man will soon be under serious pressure from his family to have a male child and if this woman can't produce a son, they will find him a very young woman from the village that's eager to try again and again and again, especially if the man is rich. If this woman gets a son, then gbam! Game over! She will lose all the "joint" property to this new woman. It happens all the time, unfortunately.

Baba1010:
Thanks to all for the comments.

My Sis is the only girl-child in the family and you can imagine how the parents will want the best for her so all the expenses were been sorted out based on the fact that the husband claimed not to have the funds and the best  thing parents can do is to at least treat their son-in-law the same way they would treat their daughter. 

She has however made up her mind to opt out of the marriage today after the husband came home smoking weed in their living room. She has moved out ds evening with the daughter to a temporary apartment while the police will be involved tmrw morning to ensure the husband sign some statements that nothing must happen to her, the child and other members of the wife's family as his target was the little funds he thinks the family has.
Hey Mutter, I hope the little note above explains why you think we were all gullible. How else do you want your in laws to treat you other than the way they treat their son/daughter.

Now that she has moved out, then you guys can begin to help her rebuild her life. If possible, just move her abroad. Her husband sounds mentally unstable and dangerous.

Ujujoan:
I've not decided on this issue yet. My husband and I haven't quite gotten to the stage of joint investment (aside from a joint account), but I really dont think I want to invest with him. Not because I dont trust him or anything, but I like doing my own things and I beleive I'll be better off!

As for my children, the best leagacy I will give them is good education and sound training. They can make their own money themselves!

Good education is fine but that doesn't mean complete strangers should reap where they have not sown. You owe it to your kids to preserve your wealth for them after you're gone.

9lifes:
Thanks guys.

I think this issued is settled.There are so many details i cannot not post here,i just can't.I have decided to move on with my life.i have called her to discuss my stance,she is not taking it too well.I am afraid i cannot proceed with the relationship,i don't see us happy in the future,i cant get pass the flashbacks,questions and more questions.

She has been a wonderful friend,but the damage is just too much to bear.I am taking a break.

Thanks again.

Congratulations! Don't fall for her "not taking it too well" acting. She should have remembered that when she cheated on you and sent you the password to all the evidence. Please make that break permanent stop talking to her immediately! Your own wife, one that will love and cherish you unconditionally, stoopid as you are , will come. Just give it time and prayers. May God give you the grace and strength to emerge from this storm stronger and better than ever. Good luck!

blacklion:
The MIL's story is pure BS meant to intimidate the wife and possibly drive her out of the son's house.

Yes, family land in the village in Igboland which was passed on from the ancestors can be inherited only by males but Igbo girls/women do inherit landed properties from their late fathers in urban areas from Enugu to Owerri to PH to Lagos. Igbo customary law does not automatically apply to landed properties outside of Igboland.

I have not seen in the last two generations where a dead man's family came to Lagos or Kano to drag with his widow or daughters over land that the man bought on his own and developed. Possibly, one may encounter this sort of BS only among semi-literate or unexposed families especially where the widow is timid and allows herself to be bullied but I have not witnessed this scenario in recent times.

Not true! The widow of one rich Igbo trader in my childhood neighborhood got the shock of her life when her late husband's brothers showed up in Lagos to throw her and her kids (including a boy) out of the house. She went from house to house in the neighborhood, weeping profusely and begging for help and couldn't get back into the house for a whole month and only after intense intervention by the chairman of the neighborhood association and police! True talk!

cold:
Let me reiterate,you're a fine one to rant.Your so called pedantism is only a figment nof your imagination.The nitpickery of the English language that drives the less detail oriented insane,often mistaken as a tool to befuddle others when in fact it only subjects you to further ridicule.
But this is not your rock to hide under. The itch in your spiracles is no phantom pox; you are not at home here. No matter
how deep you burrow our mud will never be yours. Stop trying.Fo0l

WTF?!!!!! You're insane. I will ignore you from henceforth.

Drug trafficking patterns have been in rapid flux lately. Why are the cartels manufacturing and moving meth from Nigeria? To what destination? I am guessing Europe. They must have a pretty solid and reliable route to shift production to Lagos. I am guessing they are using mules via MMIA - that's the only rational explanation for a Lagos-based meth plant because other West African countries have much less police scrutiny and much more porous borders with Europe.  Sad but interesting nonetheless. I am sure that isn't the only plant around. The cartels have been in business long enough to know never to plant all eggs in one basket. The arrested Bolivians will be out by dinner time and back in Venezuela before the weekend (Oga NDLEA just got richer!). The seized plant will be quietly moved to another location in Lagos. Business as usual.

mutter:

This is a very kind MIL if you ask me.!!!!
To be forewarned is to be forearmed.
She has told the girl the truth and nothing but the truth. This is the reality of life and life can be cruel. When the marriage gets older the man will be on the look for a male child.
As far as I am concerned the wicked one here is the man. He wants the wife to invest with him and at the same time has ended his family planning
I smell a big RAT!!!
The woman should try having a male child or get herself some solid legal advice. She should also get property on her own. The reality with property in Nigeria is that the in laws can take possession of the property and you might find yourself donkey years in court. During this period the may have wasted your life and besides the property would not benefit the girls much. They might even not be in the position to fight for it.

GBAM! The woman should be thanking her stars that she got some fair warning. Unfortunately, even a male child is not a guarantee that greedy relatives won't come knocking if the husband passes. The woman needs a good lawyer + everything Madam Chaircover has said. She should definitely make sure her husband is not building in the village with her money! That house is for his relatives oh for they shall surely seize it upon his death!

cold:
You're a fine one to rant

Do I know you? Or are you just lost and can't locate your spare parts store? Do KNOW what a rant is or are you another unfortunate Uniport grad with a discount internet card? Please introduce yourself, starting with your type of mental disability and the location of your father's village.

Nigerian leaders are absolutely convinced that all Nigerians are fools. When did hunters start travelling in buses for hunting expeditions? Why travel all the way from Zamfara, through Kaduna, Abuja and Kogi States (a 12+ hr journey), to hunt in Enugu? Who are the real fools here?

Where is Fhemmy motors and others who make their daily bread on NL?

NL has exposed me to the "true" Nigerian way of thinking. I grew up sheltered and thought everybody had a pretty decent mindset. Was I wrong! Some Nigerians are too poorly educated to be legitimate members of the global Internet community and too many Nigerians are just discrete collections of cells under the direction of misfiring neurons and unrefined animal instincts. If English-speaking Nigerians with regular access to the Internet are this stoopid, then I am truly sorry for the country. We have a very long way to go.

recruitmnt:
*phew*, just read 14 pages at one sitting, I cried, laughed. This is something! btw, is Jenny not usually the blunt and direct personality on other posts, ure so sweet on here (if it's you).

All of u are wonderful,

Aunty Jenny is nobody's sweetie pie! She's one fierce old lady! I wonder how Mr Jenny can stand it!

Your sister made a terrible mistake but she is a full adult and she must pay the price for her foolishness otherwise she will never learn. There is nothing for you or your family to do here but to wait until he officially kicks her out or he moves out himself. It is only then that you can start helping your sister put her life back together. I wouldn't worry about his threat to keep the baby because he sounds like an irresponsible man with an irresponsible family (pretty sure the last thing he wants is to be saddled with a baby girl). He clearly sees your sister as a path to riches and visa and you as a family must make sure you don't allow yourselves to be used. He will run out of tricks to extort you soon and then move on to his next victim. My only fear is that he doesn't harm your sister before he finally moves on.

What to do? Just wait and pray. Let your sister know that you guys are willing to step in the moment she feels that she or her baby are in danger and wants to move out but that you won't lift a finger to help as long as she is still married to him. Nothing much else you can do.

divine2043:
@Moremi2008. Fun translates to happiness. Take time to study stuff. The post is very clear and the poster is clearly worried and unhappy about the development. I do not know if you are married or in a relationship or what your idea of being married is but happiness is the ultimate. Anything which could lead to unhappiness must be looked at.

It is possible the couple did not do their homework well before marriage.

Do not be one-sided and read my replies carefully. What is speaking in tongues? If that is your sign of being a christian then of course it is easier when you are with someone who does same. Simple.

So the wife's happiness isn't important too? When did "happiness" become the ultimate in marriage? I thought it was unconditional love and sacrifice.

divine2043:
The poster has a point. I think Nigerians are very easily deceived by anything. Who are you to determine what is spiritual and what is not? Some posters are even claiming that the man is possessed. Uttering incoherent stuff does not automatically translate to speaking in tongues.

A good christian wife is Godly and she also brings happiness, satisfaction and peace of mind to the house.

Two things here - it is all about agreement before marriage. People who believe in certain things should stay together and people without common points should not.

No poster here has the right to claim any of them (husband/wife) is not 'spiritual' enough. It is all about what you believe.

Any home where one of the parties is not happy is not enjoyable.

I don't think you read the original post. Where did he say that his wife isn't bringing peace of mind? He was only complaining that the house isn't "fun" any longer. If that's the reason why he exchanged vows with her, then speaking in tongues has NOTHING to do with his marital issues. So you are suggesting that they should have agreed that neither of them would ever speak in tongues before marriage? Are you even following the logic of your own arguments?

The regulars in this section (especially the feminist cabal) are sophisticated enough about these issues to see if this woman is somehow abandoning her marital duties. From what this man has said, she isn't. He only wants his house to be "fun," whatever that means. Did he even approach his wife about bringing back the "fun" with concrete suggestions for increasing the "fun" level? Did he go out of his way to introduce such "fun" activities? When last did he take his family on a "fun" leisure trip?

The issues with this marriage are spiritual. They are both Christians and he should know better than to come on here seeking advice from a public gathering. Doesn't he have a spiritual leader? Are there no Christian elders in his Baptist church they can both talk to? This man needs to go back on his knees in prayer. This is not how Christ instructed us to love our wives. This man just comes across as seriously immature and envious.

gunshin:
I thank you all for all ur advice. However, some still were bent on insulting me and my opinion. I feel and i believe i strongly need a help, that is why i put across this and as such, u need to provide a help as i rightly said in a very courteous and respectful manner not to be calling me Anti-Christ or devil or start insulting my personality. Please, i welcome those who have helpful advice not the other way.
Thank you

Oooooohhh!!!! This guy is beginning to really annoy me. I just can't deal! I clearly lack long-suffering and kindness so I'll let other "kinder" NL'ders continue with him.

onlyjeho:
@wunmi,thanks for ur responses and @ moremi2008,where in my post did I mention my hubby doesn't help,u just posted sort of stuff u were trained with:am sure wen u get married u will turn ur man to a house boy.u ve got to learn how to reply a post in a way dat makes ur readers know r sensible. Calling another woman's hubby such names makes u stink

See how you just fall my hand o!

ekwy nwa:
Some clownish ofemanus cannot breathe nor function for a day without coming to Igbo thread to publicly display their unequalled stupidity.
chai wetin man no go see. One of such clowns is even proffering solution to Igbos on kingship; hun talk of a drowning man helping a wanderer by the bank of a river how possible is that
These buffoons always avoid threads that ve to do with their people, they play ostrich to threads like this https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-874831.64.html#msg10235769
They should go and help their hunger ravaged people rubbish Physician heal thyself
@ Topic everything is not politics, just like OnlyTruth said, Emeka jnr can be Ikemba of anywhere, Ikemba of Lagos, Kaduna, Asorock, Enugu America self , anybody can be Ikemaba of anywhere but there is only one IKEMBA NNEWI
so no cause for alarm

LOL!!!! There must be a special factory in Ibo villages were they manufacture people like this!

This is an absolute atrocity! What is the Body of Christ turning into these days?!!! How can a Pentecostal marry an Anglican?!!! Abomination of the highest order! Even Anglicans from different dioceses have no business getting married to each other! Both of you need to fall down on your knees and weep for forgiveness! The Jesus in an Anglican church is a completely different Jesus in a Pentecostal church oh! Don't you ever dare confuse the two again! Thank you!  



Nigerians no go kill me with laughter today with all manner of petty, irrelevant drama! Even the English that founded the Anglican church are quickly forgetting about it! But we Nigerians are torturing our relationships over it! So stooopid!

Even Nigerians that had nothing against Igbos will find them extremely annoying once they arrive on Nairaland. I have never seen a more vicious, stubborn and uneducated swarm of tribalists in my life! It's like the Biafran War emptied their skulls of all cognitive function! Always arguing about irrelevant nonsense and claiming superiority when their cities and villages are no better (largely worse) than the rest of the Nigerian South.  They don tire me oh!

feminine A:
It happens o. Its better she rent off some of her apartment and sell the sellable ones then move to another environment and start her life afresh with her children. This so called families are just rip offs. They want to marry her so they can still have access to the properties she got since their initial plan failed.

GBAM! A wise woman will just quietly sell-off as many of the properties as she can and move as far away from those prying relatives as she can and then build new income-producing properties in her new location with her children's names so the same relatives won't start saying nonsense about her depriving the kids of their birthright later.

The oracle has spoken! Emeka Jnr has been condemned to the evil forest! Praise to all the Igbo people of this world! We are truly the best! The wonderful Jews of Nigeria! Igwe! Zobu-Zobu! Igbo Kwenu!

[center]*dances ojuju dance in specially-woven raffia skirt*
**waves dirty white handkerchief in jubilation**
***brings-out shining cutlass to chase any man trying to dance with my woman***[/center]

Will all these dumb Nigerians stop spouting this nonsense Anti-Christ one-currency rubbish?!!! Where in the Bible have they found any reference to this?