₦airaland Forum

Busy_body:
Your kingdom, your kingdom, pah, i don't think there is any whose kingdom can surpass that of my Husband Sagamite, na Sagamite oh incase you didn't get the name right the first time. . .

And hystewetin una call me just now, you just wait till i get a dictionary, you will see Berra start quivering in your boots

It's a bit tragic that you're wasting your beauty and talent with Shagamumu. The poor boy can't even get into Wharton! He's not worth it. Come roll with me, I'll show the the world and all its glory.

Busy_body:
Awww baby didn't mean for it to come out like that honestly. . .I am a very private person too but if it helps, do you know that I had 29 babies in 29 years for Sagamite with his magnifisque one and half inch long chipolata sausage Hey this is between you and I only, don't want words getting out that I only married him for his money and the fact that he is royalty

You're hysterical. I like you.

I shall reserve a seat of glory for you in my kingdom!

Busy_body:
Now behave yourself before i take a knife to that periwinkle of yours, we are gathered here to find you a wife, so put it away before you mentally scare her for life. We will try our utmost best to convince her you are a virgin so your secret can be safe, and by the time you unveil your periwinkle in its 2-inches glory on your wedding night, she would have signed the dotted-line-of-no-return and have no choice than to love you warts and all forever and I HOPE she has a few surprises to reveal to you too after the wedding

See marriage is not that bad afterall

You are a mean, mean woman! Go away! I am never talking to you again, EVER!

*goes back to harassing TOH*

lex-luthor:
no wonder;i was at a branch this morning to send cash across to a friend and the banking hall looked almost deserted.more jobless people on the street and more hungry mouths and crime increase.a lot of these bankers like extremely flamboyant lives with out thinking about savings.so much competition among co-workers when it comes to material stuff.this is very sad.sanusi is not to blame;after all not all banks were affected but the new banking rules.pity.

Yes, they sacked all the tellers and told them to re-apply. Don't know what that means.

Analytical:
Moremi2008, please tone down your language.  I believe we can make our points without resorting to name-calling and all.  This is family section and we are dealing with people with real problems seeking solutions.  The least we could do is to offer them without distracting from the issues at hand or discouraging people simply because we don't agree with others' opinions.

Please, don't get on my nerves. I have observed your posts in other threads and I have zero tolerance for you. You think Saga is a meanie? Well, I am Saga's master and wait until you feel my wrath: it's merciless.

This is a forum for fully mature adults. If fragile amoral egos are shattered by my words, then I am doing the world a great service. Fragile egos should be kept locked in the closet; not brought out to play with the big, bad wolves. The days of coming here to kumbaya in united folly are over. Please save all the wretched, empty, misogynistic debating for the beer parlors. Moremi has come to deliver verbal justice to unrefined minds and to vanquish apologists for domestic abuse. My mission is sacrosanct.

Only Aunty Nike can calm my tempest when it roars and temper my justice when it bites. You should cower when I speak. How dare you speak when not spoken to? Now go play with your mates!  

Busy_body:
why would i call you a common goat, i know my place as a woman and respectfully called you an he-goat, so no need to tell me to kneel down for you in public biko, spare my blushes

"He-Goat" - I like that title much better! Oya come kneel down for another blessing!

*unzips fly*

Yes! You should all sign up to live in his glorified brothel and ritual chambers! Good luck you brave, lucky ones!

TV01:
Water off a ducks back. Appreciate your leaving my family out though.

To the discussion;
1. Nowhere did I suggest he should have slapped his wife
2. Nowhere did I suggest she should apologise
3. There everything to discuss. OP asked for help "saving her marriage"
4. I am looking at and beyond the incident to give advice.

5. My point? 1-4 above firstly
6. There is nothing wrong with her OP initiating dialogue. It's best done in a conciliatory manner .
7. An attitude may just inflame the situation further. Plus, she is distressed and rightly seeks speedy resolution
8. Porridge with mixed fruit compote? Et toi? Please don't blaspheme
9. Agreed, zero excuse for slapping your wife.  He has done so, she is his wife and she wants to keep her marriage
10. He is no longer a teenager. He has not mastered his emotions. He is married. Your point/suggestion?

11. I can't speak for Nigerians. I can't speak for OP' husband
12. You can't  speak for OP' husband or know what he was thinking/feeling.
13. Where you and many are going on this thread. "characterisation, presumption and declaration" "The marriage is probably not worth saving"


From your posts, you are now de facto head of your family. I pray you have the wisdom and maturity to deal with any issues. And not based on your feelings, which is what it sounds like OP' husband did.

Wisdom, sound judgement and objectivity. You'll need it sir.

A first - and as far as we know only - incident in 2 years of marriage and courtship. The OP would like to save and improve her marriage. Peace, love and harmony yes, but does that sound like "At any cost" at this stage. Discard hysteria and hyperbole.

Best
TV

That is a lot of words for saying absolutely nothing. What about summarizing don't you understand? So your advice is for the wife to initiate dialogue with a man that won't speak to her and is sending her messages through a friend? You ignore the "probably" sitting right in the middle of a sentence to call that sentence presumptuous? You ask me to leave out references to your family and then you turn right around and refer to mine?

Bros, you are an eediot masquerading as a savant. I go hard but I have firing neurons to back it up. And you? You are all puff-puff and no substance; going on and on about nothing of any worth; full of contradictions and moral lacunae.

PS - Numbering your sentences won't make them any smarter. Try another trick next time.  

Busy_body:
You people sef, i have not read this thread yet but from glancing at the last 2 pages, all i can see is the thorn-in-the-flesh/pain-in-the-men's-yansh TOH blessing everyone and even the enigmatic Dafidi taking a breather from his wind-up-merchant-role-on-anything-feminine, to equally spread God's blessing, so where u see fight!

Okay agreed the thread was opened by the quiet can't say boo to a goat Moremi2008 but everything is going swimmingly well with everyone holding hands and shouting God bless you. I am even impressed by the calmness being displayed by Coogar. Wow, you guys keep this up. You see it is not that hard being a peaceful person like I have always preached

Nah me you dey call goat?!!! Oya, come kneel before me for a blessing!

ileobatojo:
This pisses me off about employers in Nigeria. Maybe I’m just too spoiled in my line of work sha. If they so want you to do the MSc why not support you financially for that even if just partially? It is going to be to the benefit of the organization anyway. Did your contract come with a stipulation that you must do the MSc? If they hired you without that qualification then they saw something they wanted in you. Why so much pressure now after the fact?

Perhaps you could tell your boss about the financial constraints you have? He may offer to pay part of it, advance you a loan or something that could help.

GBAM! If they want an MSc, why don't they sponsor it? Nonsense.

Yeah, let your boss know that you can't afford it right now. Forget your pride and just beg. I am sure they'll find money somewhere for you if they are hellbent on keeping you.

Nobody cares!

Busy_body:
TV01


You are the only one with the insight and wisdom to suss out the age long battle of the sexes transpiring between the whole imbroglio that unfolded between the OP and her Hubby, and I know from your response to the post and subsequent ones that the advice you would have given if both parties were on the ground would be different Not once did you condone the Husband's action, and not once did you advocate the lady should beg. . . All you said to the OP was "don't heed those telling you not to beg . . .and this does not necessarily translate to the opposite

Everything is wisdom and insight to a busy body. Abeg, comot!

faithin9ja:
are most of the posters too young to remember?  does anybody here remember during Abacha, during the era of failed banks, when millions of Nigerians lost their money in failed banks (not the just wonder banks like monitree or umanumna) but banks governed by CBN.

Not one of these banks has witnessed a 'run' on them, not even Bank PHB, or Springbank. The general population still has confidence in banks and we are still putting our money in all these banks, why?

because the CBN invested billions of naira to shore up their reserves.

If Oceanic bank was solvent this option of a forced takeover would not arise. During Soludu's time were we not borrowing billions of naira to buy shares in these banks with their wonderful announced profits. they were opening new branches everyday, sometimes 3 branches on the same street, where are these profits now?

I don't have time to write a full synopsis on the Nigerian banking sector, but suffice to say the corruption that endemic in all aspects of our society, is also the cause of the malaise in the banking sector, the sooner we recognize this better.

Still doesn't explain Unity Bank though. It was clearly an insolvent bank but it received special status.

I just called my cousin who works at Oceanic. Yes, they fired a bunch of people, mostly from ops. They also fired all of the contract staff (e.g. the tellers). They left most of the managers and marketing staff. Apparently, they didn't inform anyone on the Oceanic side about the lay-offs; they selected the affected staff at random. To be fair, they also fired some bankers on the Ecobank side too.

ophicer:
I honestly think people are not looking at this issue objectively. In as much as I do not support the action of the father of the student because two wrongs don’t make a right I think is totally outrageous for a teacher to brutalize a student with the disguise of correcting the student. If the boy is below 18years of age the child right act forbid this kind of treatment on a child if he is 18years and above it is legally wrong to do this to a young person which makes it an assault on the boy by the teacher. However, I think both parties are wrong in their actions and should be reprimanded. In the UK corporal punishment is ban yet the children behave better and obey authority than here. In Nigeria because of the way we have being brought up, when you commit offense in school you are violently beating for correction but this actually toughen us and makes us violent to each other when someone offense us. You see our men beat up their wife’s for any little offense people fighting on the street for minor disagreement, we react violently to any disagreement this cut across every area of society and behavior .I think it is time we abolish corporal punishment and follow the Europe module for a better society

The boy is supposedly 22yrs old. You're just writing stories.

ThiefOfHearts:
I want to see TV1's yeye reponse to moremi LOL

I am still building my dossier. Don't get too comfortable!

Tokotaya:
Oh yes, the speaker was overbearing. That behaviour was uncouth and terribly illmannered. She should have listened to what the police woman had to say.

I am pretty sure there is more to that story than the incompetent reporter was able to properly narrate. It appears that the police chief did not want to show-up to face the State Assembly in solidarity with her colleague, the custom's boss. In all civilized countries, the police is directly subordinate to the Executive branch of the government which is in turn subordinate to the legislative arm. No police chief, not even the police chief of NYC, will dare disobey an order from state congress because congress approves their annual budget!

Don't some girls wear it to prevent sore inner-thighs and to prevent giving free shows when mounting an okada?

Doesn't Madam CC own a baby goods store or something like that? Where is she when you actually need her! Looks like the only thing she's interested in is teaching her feminist cabal how to seduce their husbands to buy them expensive cars!

Can one of the mods please move this to the travel section? You'll get the best replies there as this involves an immigration issue.

TV01:
@Moremi2008,

Happy to join the discussion and always willing to hear varying opinions. Why shouldn’t I learn/understand from peoples input here? But could I ask that you drop the invective and needless characterisations.  It lends nothing to the discussion and is at best distracting.

I haven’t changed a word of my posts, meaning or intent on this thread.

“Remain Civil” – Are they work colleagues?  Neighbours?  They are husband and wife. Remaining “civil” while this issue remains unresolved is potentially worsening the situation. I clearly advised Kungiya to broach the issue in a conciliatory manner. Regardless of fault there is nothing stopping her initiating dialogue.

In all this, Hungiya’ position remains delicate and she is obviously distressed. Advice along the lines of “give him attitude” is not the best approach. They are one. They should be loving, not merely civil. The aim should be to set the scene for resolution.


“Violence towards his sister” – Kungiya said “though this is his first time hiting me, I found out later that he does that a lot (his sister).”

To his sister/s elder or younger? Or in his previous relationships? Was this in the past or till date, if it’s his sister/s? He had a known history and his sisters/family allowed him to marry her without resolving this issue, neither warning her prior or after? So what is their plan now? I won’t get carried away in condemning him or the relationship based on what we know – his wife hasn’t done that.

Thanks
TV

I reserve the right to call you out and call you names if you come on here to spout criminal foolishness. Moreover, there is NOTHING to debate or discuss here. That man should not have slapped his pregnant wife and the wife should not be apologizing to anybody. Period!

So what exactly is your point, most gracious Sir? Can you make your point in one paragraph or less so there is no confusion. From what I understand from your rambling epistles, you think the wife should approach her husband conciliatorily for slapping her?!! Jesus! What did you have for breakfast this morning, Oga? You aren't making any sense! I don't care what the husband has to say about slapping his pregnant wife. There is ABSOLUTELY ZERO EXCUSE for slapping your wife, period! A man that can't control himself well enough to avoid slapping his wife has no business getting married. Self-control with regards to physical violence is something we should all have mastered as teenagers!

Why do Nigerians think physical violence is something that's out of an angry man's control? That's just a patent lie (except for special cases of pyschologically impaired individuals). Would this same husband have slapped his boss at work under any circumstance? Would he have slapped an armed policeman at a checkpoint, no matter how angry that policeman made him? The fact remains that he saw his wife as a vulnerable person he can slap without facing any adverse consequences. He is only now upset because his assumption was proved wrong. I am happy for Kungiya that she didn't allow herself to be a punching bag. If her husband cannot control himself to seek better means of dispute resolution that doesn't involve physical abuse, then that marriage is probably not worth saving.

I have younger sisters and I would give them the same advice. No sister of mine will become a punching bag for a man. Dem no born dat man well! I will cut off his balls and feed it to Bingo the dog!

PS - your stance on this issue appears to be purely utilitarian. Peace, love and harmony at any cost! Damn the moral implications! This is why nobody in their right mind would ever agree with you. Your premise is fundamentally flawed and unworthy of debating.

Is this the student that UI students were defending? They should cover their faces in shame! Oyo State politics is just full of drama and spectacle. I love it!

debrief08:
Lol. His was the typical Nigerian advice, heard this same sermon a million times

Why do Nigerians think if you bury your head in the sand and pretend that everything is wonderful, that things will become wonderful? It's a great fallacy and many women would still be alive today if they had lifted up their heads to acknowledge the horrid reality of their situations and had take steps to correct it or to run.

debrief08:
No one is asking her to tell him off, we all said she should be civil but shouldnt apologise. He didnt have histroy with her but as his own sister said he had history of abuse.
Apologising will mean 1. what he did was ok and 2. next time he does it she shouldnt tell any family member.
Yes he needs to become a man but its not her job to teach him, he needs professional help for anger management, she is not a threapist but an emotionally connected partner.

Stop reading my mind!!!!!!!

TV01:
@Moremi2008 hi,

@Kungiya asked for advise. I gave an opinion. Feel free to disagree
Do I have a sister? Yes I do. Your point being?

@Kungiyas plea was “Pls help me save my marriage”. I advised her based on her wanting to save and improve it.

Based on Kungiyas account It’s clear that Mr. Kungiya needs to develop as a man/husband. She can help and support him in to that end with her stated outcome of “saving her marriage” in mind. I advised based on Kungiyas account of events, we are blind to her husbands version of events.

She can embark on a course of telling him he’s “not a man”, “a suckling infant” or otherwise traduce him and see if that helps. Many are happy to help her trash her husband. To what avail? If he is all these things, the fact remains they are married and Kungiya wants to resolve things.

She can involve sundry friends and relatives and see if their belittling him telling “him off” helps improve her marriage.

She can adopt a “do me I do you” approach and see if that yields the desired fruit.

They courted for a year and have been married for about the same time incident free. There was an argument and then a slap. No prior history. Justified? No. But let’s put this in perspective and remember what Kungiya’ desired outcome is. There is no pattern here. It’s early days. Concerning yes, catastrophic, no. Lets not get hysterical.

If I or my wife ever post our marital issues, please feel free to comment. Otherwise, could I ask that you please leave my wife out of things

Thanks
TV

Your revisionist comeback isn't really helping your case. Nobody asked her to go call her husband names or trash him. In fact, she has received the opposite advice to remain civil toward him. You are just making-up facts as you go and that is just disgraceful: evidence of a weak and disingenious mind.

This man was physically violent with his adult sister. So yes, there is some history of physical violence towards women. A man with good home-training and a stable, mature mind should know that physically slapping your wife is totally out-of-the-question. There just isn't an excuse for it. I don't care if that was the first time or the hundredth time.