₦airaland Forum

sunkoye:
its not just moremi, a lot o people on thirdmainland bridge shivers with uncertainties when the storm came this morning. peep, i have not seen such before. cars where shaking, bridge light were removed smashing windscreen and heavy billboard collapsed on car. this looks like a warning of things to come. God Help us

Yes, it's a sign that Jesus is coming soon! Nigerians are so freaking ignorant! Everything is a sign! It's just a really bad storm. Not a big deal.

Yay!!! The wind has blown my roof away!!!!!!!!!!!!

ftmom:
Apple makes covers in those colors - not ipads

Btw - a civil answer to a civil question is a more mature response. The reference to my village is totally uncalled for.

You know exactly why you made the initial comment and you got the answer you were looking for. Whether it's iPad cover or iPad, I made my point. It's not my fault that you live in a village or that you had a point to prove. Now fcking buzz off! You're annoying me.

ftmom:
When did apple start making red and pink ipads? In which part of the world is that?

Clearly not in your village because where I live, you can get covers for your ipad in all sorts of colors.

http://store.apple.com/us/product/MD304

I hope this thread is a joke!

These MIT kids and their robots! I remember this one time I went to visit a friend that was an undergrad at MIT and he had little robots running around his dorm room and tripping me! What's the point of teaching Nigerian kids how to build robots when there's no power to run the damn things and the kids can't afford to eat three meals a day?!!! They'll be doing more good donating bags of rice and laptops (for Yahoo! business deals ).  

Na wa for this post oh! Why don't you or a loved one just go price these things at the store? Better still, if you're outside Nigeria, why don't you just look online?

chaircover:
Ah Moremi fa fa fa foul    . . . . . . .  .I am not immaculately educated (preferably a lawyer, engineer, doctor or accountant)

I Dont how to cook apon, ila alasepo, efo riro and pound yam!

I am not as pretty as all the girls in your family (and God knows, you have some stunning beauties in your nuclear and extended family)

My mother is not  fashionable and rich enough to compete with your mum considering that they must both wear matching rolexes at the wedding! 

and to add insult to Injury, I am from Ijebu

Madam CC, that's my mum's wahala oh! At the end of the day, she's gonna accept whoever I bring, whether na oyinbo chick or village girl. Now, this Ijebu part is a bit worrisome (i honestly never believed the hype until I dated an Ijebu girl that give me serious headache but that's another story for another day). Anyway we get serious talk about that your sister oh!

9lifes:
@chaircover
thanks for your reply,i have been expecting your response.I guess the ball is in my court and u are very right an on point.

@chioma134

Premarital sex has nothing to do with unfaithfulness.Anyone that will cheat will cheat,whether they  engage in premarital sex or not, I am a christian, but i am sorry to say i fear "church women" more than women of other religions.I have seen it happen over and over again,and the funniest thing about it is that we do talk about it a lot,fornication and all that in the church,but right now all that is making no sense.

@moremi
I know say na this kind story you no won hear,i have been observing your comments,and i am not surprise at your stance.Thanks,noted.

But the question is, how important is faithfulness in relationship outside marriage?why do girls easily think it's ok to double date or have a backup plan?Just few days ago i was discussing with a female friend and she told me that in a women forum in church, they were asked not to put their "confidence" in men as per relationship,and they should always use there heads in any relationship.Is this not a bad advise,and by confidence  i assumed she was talking about trust because she could not give me the details of the whole gist.

Why is cheating among this naija generation so common, right now i dont care what religion you are when it comes to marriage,na peace i dey find.I don't see too many poo inside church.Well, i guess you can trust no one.Is it  this hard to find someone to trust and someone you love so much.I mean,how do you actually trust people,does it actually exist in practical terms or it is just something we naturally expect within certain context.

What is love,what is trust?Can someone pls answer.

I know I am a bit harsh on the ladies on NL but my pain is coming from somewhere. Women play dirty games and it's really painful to guys because they often project a false image of innocence and purity. To be completely honest with myself, I don't blame them. I have a younger sister of marriageable age. She wants to find the right guy really badly but as a woman, there is only so much she can do but wait, look sexy and pray. While she is waiting, she and her friends drive themselves crazy with all kinds of strategies and advice. Truth is, women often have a completely wrong idea of what men want and how to "play the game". That's why they lie, pretend and do really st'pid stuff that hurt us guys.

I broke up with my last serious girlfriend after I discovered that she didn't stop talking to one of her old love interests. I doubt she ever slept with the guy (who knows, though) but the fact that she never told this other guy that she now had a serious boyfriend that was close to proposing and continued talking on the phone with the guy every other day was just really disappointing (especially after we had been dating for over a year and I had introduced her to my mum with intentions of proposing soon!). I only discovered she was still fanning the flames of this old love when God exposed her duplicity and the other guy sent her an iPad for her birthday. She had hinted to me that she wanted an iPad so I had gotten her an iPad as well, in addition to a ton of other really expensive stuff. This is where she now messed up. I bought her a red iPad to match one of the handbags I gave her earlier in the relationship (red and pink are her favorite colors) and a week later, I showed up at her place and found her with a pink Ipad. I started asking questions and the truth finally came out! She kept the pink iPad from the other dude and gave the red iPad to her younger sister! I totally lost it and broke up with her. It wasn't until later after she started asking everybody to beg me that I realized that she didn't really believe me when I said I was going to marry her, even after she had met my entire family, had the keys to my house and I had attended her Dad's funeral dressed in "in-law" aso-ebi! She thought I was only going to play with her and dump her so she kept stringing along the other guy as a back-up! By then it was too late. I just couldn't get over the fact that I was head-over-heels in love with a girl that was talking to another guy at the same time and the guy wasn't even on my level!  

Your GF was probably "playing the game" to make sure she didn't get left high and dry without a husband. Now, here is the problem with what she did. First, she never trusted you and you can't marry a woman that doesn't trust you, especially after you had dated her for that long. Second, I doubt she would have confessed to you if the other guy had worked out. The fact that she had been double-timing means that you had always been fungible to her. I know women well. If they love you, they forget about everything and everyone else, instantly. The fact that she was able to keep this other guy around and then sleep with him means she never loved you. She's only now crying and begging because you're the only one left and she is running the risk of losing both of you.

Bros, it's not your fault that she got caught at her own dirty game. This is the kind of woman that will continue to play games even after you marry her and bring her into your home! Come on dude, she told you she loved you and then opened her legs for another man? Wow! That's just cold. Please, that woman doesn't respect or love you. Just continue to thank your stars you discovered her true self before marriage. Move on abeg or you will just be another mugu.

chaircover:
@poster, you have to understand that we are all built differently and so no two relationships are the same. Some people can carry on after an affair and some people cant.

No use forcing yourself if you know that it doesn't sit right with you. You are just going to make both you and your wife miserable if you go ahead and marry her, knowing what you do now.

Forget about how many years were put into the relationship. I doubt that any courtship can ever be as long as marriage. Marriage is not a prison and it should be enjoyed by two people who share no inhibitions and are totally free and honest with each other and the importance of trust cannot be overlooked.

All said and done, over time you may learn to live with what has happened but you know yourself better than anyone else. Only you can decide if you want to carry on or call it a day.

Awww!!! Love you Madam CC! I pray for a wife like you oh!

chioma134:
@poster,life is not always black and white. If u were sleeping with her b4 marriage,u r unfaithful to God. There4 if she's unfaithful to u,take it in ur stride. I'm assuming u're Xtian.

^^^^ This here is solid proof that a lot of women are just self-serving hypocrites! So because they both had pre-marital sex, then it's ok for the woman to cheat? So what if he isn't a christian? Chioma, how old are you? 15yrs old?

ThiefOfHearts:
Wow. You're an embarrassment. Look at you having a mental breakdown 

Stay blessed sha

Hahaha! Unfortunately, you're the un-marriageable, miserable and bitter spinster in MY thread. Aunty, you're over 30, why are you still single? Nobody wants to marry you anymore after you slept with all the men in the dirty old village of Ibadan? Were dirty old Adedibu and Arisekola also part of your conquests? Now that you have confirmed yourself as Temi, I will have my contacts dig up every single thing about you from your ISI friends. Given your advanced age, I am guessing you finished there btw 1995-2000, right? By the time I am done with you on NL, you will never show your face in public again! Yes, na me talk am! You go know that khaki ain't leather real soon! Shior!

ThiefOfHearts:
what treachery? dude what the hell is wrong with you? Acting like a psychotic asinwin. all this ontop what?  

You were the one that put his name no NL for the world to see? With a friend like you, he doesn't need enemies! Looks like you got played real hard because I actually never approached him for fact-finding directly but went through separate mutual friends. My instincts about that gay were right! You idiotic ara-oke Ibadan people really think you're smart, huh!  You fcking played yourself Temi! Now, look who got publicly embarrassed in the process?! Hope this teaches you and your friend not to mess with me. Hahahahahahaha!!!!

ThiefOfHearts:
Aww Pele. In the future, be sure to ignore my threads as well

I was actually being sarcastic. You have a horrible temper. Putting your friend's business on front street like that. Wow.

He is no friend of mine! Especially now that you've spilled the beans about his treachery! You can go marry him; both of you will make a perfect couple and deserve each other! Awon oloriburuku gbogbo! Aaaarghh! I am so pissed off! I trusted that murrafcker!

ThiefOfHearts:
Dunmomi was right. You have serious issues

and then they kill them.

Oh, rily? He said that about me or somebody else? Pass along following messages from his master:

1) He didn't think so when he was BEGGING me for a job and for Lagos connections last year.
2) Bros before hos, always. He broke that code and that's why he's a fcking gay! The impoverished fool can go to hell!

stillwater:
Isn't this like an eye opener? Don't we pray for such things to be revealed to us before we get married? I've never heard of someone who cheated before marriage, changing during the marriage. You deserve better.

GBAM!!! I hope the OP is strong enough to overcome his strong emotions and recognize that this woman isn't his future wife. The sooner he realizes this, the faster the healing process can start. This is the type of woman that will bring a bastard child home for you to raise as your own.

LOL @ this Edo man looking for new recruits!

Please let her go. Just thank your stars she didn't do this after you put a ring on her fingers. There is no point taking a woman that is irreparably blemished in your eyes to the alter. You will never forget her cheating and that will continue to haunt your marriage. I am sorry that you have to start afresh but consider this a blessing in disguise.

dayokanu:
Just buy an Apron for your husband since cooking is too hard a task

Those men must have been starving to death while they were single. Thank God who sent the saviours who saved them from imminent death from Hunger

Have you noticed that it is the same bitter girls coming on here to protest wives cooking for their husbands and children? Have you also noticed that these bitter girls are old maids? They are old maids for a reason! Who wants to marry a useless woman that can't cook?

My Mum is in her mid-fifties and thinkS she's still got it! Anytime we're playing hip-hop music around her, she busts out a disco move from the seventies! OMG! It's some of the worst dance moves ever! We've told her to stop several times but she still doesn't get-it and thinks she's a superstar! Aaarrghhh! So embarrassing!

My Dad has passed away but when he was alive, he used to LOVE hiding his dentures between his cheeks and scare us with his missing front teeth. It was pretty embarrassing, especially when we got older. Too bad I never bothered to ask what happened to his teeth. We just sort of assumed he was born that way. LOL!

TV01 (sp?) made a point much earlier in the thread that stuck to me: some women are just un-marriageable. It's a sad fact. If you can't cook for your husband, then don't cook! In fact, don't bother getting married. Just stay single and order Chinese everyday or find yourself a man that'll eat Chinese dinner with you every night! No harm in that! You can't eat your cake and have it to! You can't desire a successful Nigerian man from a good home and then insist on living the life of a white woman at the same time. Most Nigerian cultures expect men to be breadwinners and the women to be in charge of the home! Yes, it is cultural and if you think my culture is illiterate, then don't marry me! If you're looking for a husband that will wash your undies and cook you dinner, then go marry a Jamaican taxi driver or a white male masseuse! In fact, you can become the breadwinner and let your husband cook you meals, clean the home and take care of the babies.

I am a very good cook but none of my ex-girlfriends know this. Why? I don't want to marry a woman with the wrong set of expectations. That I am a good cook doesn't mean I intend to cook for the family. If I do decide to cook, it'll be a romantic gesture (probably only a few times a year). Even then, I will only cook for a woman I am married to; never when we're merely dating. My mum is a successful businesswoman and she loves to cook. Both my sisters are superbly educated and have fantastic careers but are great cooks because my mum not only taught them how to cook, she also sent them to catering schools in Nigeria to learn how to cook "oyinbo" food before they both moved to the US.

So why would one poorly-trained, rubbish woman come and do shakara for me, the first child and first son of a clan full of excellent cooks?! Dem no born am well!!! If I marry you, then you will be doing the cooking, period! That's a wife's duty and if you're too cool to cook, then go marry a goat!    Of course, I am not demanding fresh pot of soup everyday. All I want is some good food in the fridge when I get back from my daily hustle. I don't care what job my wife does (she can even be the president of the universe) but I will expect her to cook for me and the children. It's totally fine with me if she doesn't want to do household chores (heck, we'll probably hire pro cleaners to come handle that) but cooking is absolutely and totally non-negotiable with me (and with most Nigerian men I know).

This Nairaland is full of oloriburukus oh! The poor girl wants to wait until she finishes serving in a few MONTHS and they are already accusing her of infidelity! What does Ajegunle have to do with Paris? How did A turn into Z? WTF are these people smoking?

@ the OP, tell your friend to go take a cold shower and calm the fck down! What's the rush? What is a few months of waiting in the grand scheme of things? Are they going to be married for years and years?! Given all you've said, your friend's girlfriend is prudent. The first year of marriage shouldn't be spent apart in different states. What your friend needs to be focusing on is saving money for the wedding and the babies!

Dear OP, you are deceiving yourself! This man has ZERO respect for you. Words, especially to a serial liar, are meaningless because this man demonstrated that he will say ANYTHING to eat his cake and have it too! He has done it successfully in the past! Look at his actions! His actions tell you all that you need to know. Deep down in your heart, you already know this but you're just buying yourself time because you don't want to deal with the consequences of a failed marriage, yet.

There are two main types of serial cheaters: those that have absolutely no regards for their wives and those that have serious issues with self-control and just can't stay away from an available woman. Your husband is pretending to be the latter but he is actually the former! He let his girlfriend, a subordinate at work, insult you and then did NOTHING about it! Chei!!!  Woman, as far as that marriage is concerned, you are finished! Why are you even bothering with the girl when your biggest problem still shares your bed? The girl isn't married to you. She owes you nothing, whatsoever! She insulted you only because she knew she would get away with it (and she was right!). The issues you need to be facing right now is your husband. Aunty, that man doesn't respect you and there is no amount of sugar-coating that will change that. He is only shedding crocodile tears because he knows you are soft and will let him right back in.

So what are your options? Are you financially independent? Can you raise your kids without him? If yes, then you might want to request a formal separation. I know this is pretty radical advice but I am afraid that it is only by doing something this extreme that you will show this man that there are serious consequences for his actions. Remember that this isn't a one-time thing. He knowingly deceived you for years, even after you caught him again and again! While he was with this woman, did he come home to kiss you in the mouth after a hot session with this girl? Did he look you in the eyes and tell you that he loves you right after saying exactly the same thing to this woman?! This isn't a marriage! It's a sham. He doesn't love you but only likes playing house with you. A temporary separation is a good way to know if this man is truly willing to save your marriage. If he truly loves you, he will do EVERYTHING in his power to get you and the kids back. If he is just another dog (like I strongly suspect he might be), he'll find himself another woman after a few weeks and leave you free to continue with your life. I have seen a few families reunite after a few months/years of separation so this is not a completely out-the-left field suggestion.

Another option you have is to just stay. You should only do this if you truly have no other option and you value the security of staying married over the uncertainty and loneliness of being a single mother. Please, don't think this is the safest option. It is actually the most dangerous one because guess what? He will cheat on you again and the next time, he might cheat on you with a woman who has nothing to lose. This future woman will demand to be moved into the home and guess who will be sent packing? You and your kids! Don't think this scenario is that far-fetched. Far more "far-fetched" scenarios happen every day in Naija. You don't want to make yourself and your kids vulnerable to the whims of a man that won't respect his vows and his wife. You might think you're sacrificing for the sake of the relationship by forgiving him again and choosing to stay in this marriage, but all you are doing is telling your husband that you don't care what he does.

A third option is to turn into a crazy wife that doesn't mind dying of hypertension or doing whatever it takes to keep her man. By choosing this option, you will turn yourself into a top-notch investigator and area-girl (you might also be required to step-up your jazz game from time to time, depending on the powers of your adversary). You will beat-up/maim any woman that messes with your husband and keep your husband under lock and key. If you have the energy and the means to do this, then you might want to strongly consider this option. Many big Lagos women are this way with their rich husbands. Any woman that dares to think she can spend more than a few nights with their husbands will be visited by their thugs and jazz-induced evil spirits. To them, marriage is a war and the enemy is OTHER women.

Above all, pray and use your brain. Whatever decision you make now has life-changing implications for you and your kids. Deferring the decision-making until later is dangerous because you might have that decision taken away from your control by either being kicked out or getting an incurable disease. Good luck oh! May you find God's favor, mercy and grace in these trying times.

ronkebp:
what of men that do not like 2nd or 3rd day soup or stew? na to de cook almost everyday be dat.

To be honest, I had never heard of that syndrome before until I stayed with one of my Dad's old friends for a week. This man demands a fresh pot of soup cooked by his wife EVERYDAY. I am not kidding oh! The man is very rich and his wife is a successful lawyer but she leaves work early to come prepare fresh soup for her husband! Her maids (she had two of them) would have already gone to the market to purchase fresh ingredients and she just comes home to do the cooking herself every single day, including the weekend. I swear to God, I was shocked and a little scared. I refused to eat the soup oh! I always made-up some kind of excuse. What kind of man makes such odd, specific demands like that? Why doesn't he just hire a full-time chef (they had a LOT of domestic staff and it wouldn't take much to just add another one). Sounded like jazz to me, and I wanted to have no part to do with it! Me I no wan eat jazz soup oh!

I can understand that you feel deceived into marrying a woman with an undisclosed history of schizophrenia (that's what it sounds like to me) but anger and regrets won't solve your problems. Like others have said, please get her treatment. Schizophrenia is manageable with the right treatment and doctors. Your first goal is to make sure your wife gets better. Nigeria has a HORRIBLE attitude towards mental health and likes to keep such issues hush-hush but there are lots of others out there facing the same challenge. One of my mum's childhood friends in Nigeria suffers from schizophrenia and her case was really bad until she found the right combination of drugs and discovered what her triggers are. She is pretty stabilized now and her children (she has four of them) know what to do and what not to do to keep her condition under control (she hasn't had a full relapse since the mid-nineties, I think, but she can't work and stays at home for most of the day).

Once your wife situation is stable, then you can both find the best way to manage her health. Please, taking away her baby or abandoning her in the midst of tribulation is not the way to go oh. Nobody on here is in the position to advice you about what to do once she gets better. Please consult your spiritual leader and family members and prayerful seek the way forward. Some problems pass Nairaland oh! May God visit you and your wife with mercy and grace during this trying time.

chika98:
Our culture promotes the idea of materialism yes I do agree but I wasn't even on about all that. You've totally missed the point. I wasn't even thinking that deep into it. I've met loads of Nigerians who are not ostentatious or fueled by the desire for material things. Honestly, nope I'm not worried at all about proud Nigerians neither do I feel the need to police anyone. My question was one of " face value" so to speak really but then again I'm not one for back and forth. I feel it is a waste of time and quite frankly I'd say carry on then. Whatever floats your  boat.

I am glad you realize that online interactions are largely "face value". I am not ostentatious in real life but that doesn't mean I'll censor myself on the internet to appease humility-police.

I would love to continue our "back and forth" in private. Oya, send me your pics! Nothing better than "back and forth" with a pretty girl on the weekend!

Sagamite:
You are a cretin!

You only started claiming hyperbucket when you realised I was about to intellectually slaughter your daft community college arse.

You? Slaughter me? Have you been skipping your meds again? You think I am one of those poor Onitsha chaps you keep tearing to pieces in the Romance section? Medium fish in tiny pond. You need to broaden your horizons. You this nonsense Wharton-reject! I keep telling you to go find your mates to play with. I am not on your level in any way. But carry on with your arguments on this thread though; they entertain me thoroughly.

It will most likely fail once the Chinese decide to flood the Nigerian market with even cheaper tires! He just can't compete running a factory on generating sets!

Sagamite:
You are a cretin!

Explain how the UK is becoming a 3rd world country.

I explained this to you ages ago: it was a hyperbole. Do you want me to define "hyperbole"? Abeg, comot jor! Defending the UK's honor like the country gives a fck about your black azz!

Sagamite:
You are a cretin!

You cannot even intelligent enough to be  UBA branch manager before we start talking about any decent American university.

Dumb foool that said UK is turning into a 3rd world country.

Is this the syntax you learnt at a UK university? You should sue for a tuition refund.

ronkebp:
Husbandry? funny, i won't tell you where i attend i don't trust you.

i never said i was pretty, people tell me that (rolls eyes) don't even think to type what you are thinking.

send you my pics? you are not serious, so you are trying to encourage me to cheat on my hubby.

I am just messing with you jo! I respect the sanctity of marriage too much to play that kind of dirty game. Nothing wrong with flirting though. I likes me a sexy mama with a big bakassi, married or unmarried.  

ps - very few decent institutions in Philly. If it isn't UPenn, then it is Temple or Drexel. I can't think of any other universities along that axis. Is there a Penn State campus in Philly? Doubt it.

coogar:
pics sharing is not cheating na. . . . .
it is what happens after then that matters.

Ashawo, okirika man!