₦airaland Forum

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Child abuse . Bunch of vile criminals

UnknownT:
No b small wicked! I guess she is used to the beatings and punishments. The day I feared both the girl and the aunt was an afternoon I was going out and saw her lying on the floor of the house, her hands and legs were tied to these "weightlift" under the hot sun .

UnknownT:
I greet you all. Story may be long:

A girl (Jennifer), in ss1(she should be around 15/16years), her aunt (her father is the woman's brother) and her husband travelled to the home town on monday to come back today, because of the journey, her aunt told her not to go to school till she(aunt) comes back to look after the house, the aunt is supposed to come back today. Yesterday being tuesday, she dressed and told the gate man that she was going to school, she was on mufti ( top and jean trouser with one large circular earring ).
I went out that yesterday and when I came back , the gate was locked. Around 3pm, when the aunt's grand daughter came back from school, she wasn't back and I had to help the grand daughter prepare the noddles she ate. I then asked the granddaughter if she had any idea where the jennifer would have gone, she said she doesn't know. But later she said Oyigbo because she heard the girl and the gate man discussing about Oyigbo the day before.
The grand daughter tried to call jennifer with my phone, the phone rang and she didn't pick, evening came, night came, everybody came back but jennifer wasn't back. Everybody was calling her line but she wasn't picking.
This morning, I asked the gate man( because I believe the guy really knows where the girl went to because they normally cover each other, the girl helps to man the gate each time the gateman is going out ) if there was a time she picked his call and he said yes, that within the time the grand daughter was to come back from school, he called Jennifer, she picked and was sounding excited and that he could hear music playing on the background, and the girl told her then that she will soon start coming back. Now even the aunt is aware that she didn't come back.
This morning before I left, efforts were being made to go to her school and make inquiries before maybe making a police report. And that same yesterday, 2 girls from her school came asking why she has not being coming to school( she had only missed school "legally" by 2 days, unless she skips school, we can't tell).
"The premise we are working on now" is the Oyigbo the child told us. Maybe she went to see a 'guy' and the guy seized her phone and doesn't want her to go or maybe something bad might have happened
This is a girl that the aunt doesn't spare when she does anything stupid. Her case with her aunt is a typical spare the rod and spoil the child scenario, and she still keeps misbehaving. This is the highest of all her petty behaviors. Someone the aunt is ready to train to any level in her education.
What is happening to our society these days? Even the kids caged 247 indoors with the advent of social media are not to be trusted again . I will update the thread how everything pans out and make una no mind the long story and any mistake, na phone I use to type am

Your Aunt is not ready to train the girl to any level
A woman that tells the child to stay at home when she travels.
a child that mans the gate for the gateman. Meaning that she is so lacking love in the main house that the gateman is for her someone she confides in and someone that gives her some comfort and kind words that a young girl needs.

the girl went out in search of love, love she is not getting at home from her Aunt.

Wicked world.

Cammo:
Inasmuch as I don't condone or support premarital sex, I wouldn't advise a nubile, unengaged, female to stick to just one man, especially when that particular man is not really showing he has future plans with her. That's sheer time wasting! In fact, she could keep as many male friends as she can until she finds the right one

Jacky of all trades men master wife.of none

Many Men and women that reach a mature age before getting married are very difficult to live with.
They are set in their ways and do not want to make much change or just cannot make the change.
They have their lifestyle and cat adjust.
When a man in this situation marries a woman, he usually marries a younger woman who completely adjust to fit in to the man`s lifestyle.
For women it is nearly impossible to get a much younger man to marry.
Furthermore the man sees himself as the head of the home and does not want to marry woman he cannot control.

It is possible that the man really wanted a serious relationship but then he found out he could not cope because he could not be the man he wants to be in this relationship.

Women really need to stop looking for ready- made men and be ready to build with a man.

iduzebaba:
it's called vaginal examination, and it is part of the clinical examinations for pregnant women, it is not routine, and not always done during every antenatal visit but only when it's indicated. we doctors are professionals and should not be associated with lewdness.

In Germany it is done at every anti- natel from the unset- quite frustrating.

Perhaps A does not want to disappoint you if it does not work out. Secondly if he told you that he would marry you , you would put on a show and stage so many things till when you get into his home.
He probably is still watching you to b more convinced.
You`ve only been a few months in the relationship it is too soon to be rushing it.
so why don`t you watch the development and be on your best behavior.
He said he will make his decision this year so you do not have long to wait.

Why jump to guy B . Why the hurry. Do you love him?
It takes allot to be in a relationship with a younger man. You might not realize it now but in a few years you will have the pressure on you. You might look like his mother or older sister and seeing him with younger girls might hurt you real bad.
Also he just might not have the maturity needed for a marriage.

Calm down and wait on the Lord. He will give you your husband at the appointed time, A, B ,C or D.

If you go to Canada and get a masters degree you would probably get a job there
200 000 Naira is less than the minimum wage in a developed country for unskilled labour.

So you would certainly be able to earn a lot more. Furthermore if you get a goo job you get a health insurance and have a high standard of living and education to offer your kid`s in the future.
So you would certainly do well there.
However Nigeria is a crazy place, where people become millionaires overnight. You could make the kind of money in Nigeria that you could never have the opportunity to make anywhere in the world.

Put it in prayer. There are times I regret leaving Nigeria but then often I am also Glad I left.

jasmines:
OliverQuinny you must get rid of this doubt, one may not be certain about some things due to fear of the unknown and there's actually a 6th sense God gave us to help out in these type of situations.

Think carefully, once you say I do, there's no more going back. You shouldn't have slept with her to start with IMO. U must take it as do or die

My advice: Talk to your boss or HR Manager that you are stressed out and will really appreciate it if the company gives you your leave, just do anything crazy, move out of your house to a self contain, go and park your car somewhere, open a new account so your bank alerts show 300k, look broke, actually ask her to borrow you money to start a business. Then watch her reaction. Thats the only way you can truly know her true colors. Explain you got fired and the official car and house and everything has been withdrawn plus you invested your money into a scam. You really gat to act the part, no rich friends coming around, -200 naira balance on your phone, no foodstuff in the house, no eating out. Grumble and moan of how the witches in your village won't leave you. Behave like you're still living on your past glory.

NB: This technique saved my brother..................................................................................it actually works, send me a pm if ure out of ideas

A girl that has the decency to past this test will also leave you when she finds out how indecent you are to test her in such a way,

Op if you quit your job how did you finance your masters?

You had to take that decision to leave your job and she left you.
But you do not know the pressure that was on her. Nigeria is a country without health insurance and other amenities. Do you know the financial problems on the lady`s head then. Do you know if she had to fend for herself and the family.

Millions and millions of Nigerians are in the condition you were then. Please that woman did not abandon you in a difficult situation.
Also now you met her do you think you are the only man that is in a comfortable situation.

Why did you even start anything with her again if you felt she used you.
Please jump over this shadow and give love a chance.

Punish them with success

That has been my motto in life.

Honor your mother no matter what she does.
That is not her commandment it is God`s commandment. The only commandment that holds a promise...so that your days can be long in the Land that God gives you.

Honor her respect her.
But punish all who offend you with success.

aflyingbird:
ahh egbami oooo !! wat is dis nonsense ? d man doesn't want her or d child n denying him , u r advicin her 2 move in with him , pressure him 2 marriage, ahh ahh. i swear pple like u want others 2 suffer. no b by force 2 marry a man who don't want u , when he starts takin out his anger on her , abusin her u will ask y did she force him 2 marry ha marry. abeg commot for here jor.

The man was still in school. He must have been young and panicked. I don`t see how the woman is begging. She should just let the man make his intention clear.
I think it is the right thing to do since a child is there. Save what can be save.
Before she raises a child as a single mother, she should make use of the chance to let the father raise his child. The chance of them being a family.
That is the right thing to do.

I

EfemenaXY:
Ahhh!! So there's a bun in the oven like I suspected.


My advice to you is not to sweat it. Pregnancy is a "funny" period and sits differently with different women. Your hormones are all over the place at the moment (which is normal), but you need to relax and take things easy. Focus on your baby and try not to stress yourself too much. It'll all settle eventually, I promise you that.

Congratulations, mami.

She has been feeling this way all along, even before the pregnancy.

Probably now she feels more trapped in a situation that she does not want to be.

The Op is not content and thinks she could have got something better.
That is a great danger in a marriage because the ground is ripe for cheating. You could easily get tempted.

This is one folly women have and it is human. Wishing to be like the other woman. Looking at what the others seem to be enjoying in their marriage.
You should try and appreciate your husband and what you have. The grass is not greener on the other side.

honestly I have never had this problem with all my kids!
Poor you I would have ended up in tears of frustration!

Some men just panic at the responsibility.
I think she should give him a chance. The damage has already be done.
Children are a gift from God and today it is like a privilege for a child to have an intact home.
However she should ask him before going back what he has in mind.
This is the best time to pressure him to do the marriage.
When she gets into the home it might take a lot longer.
Some get married years after they have their children.
These women are unhappy about this.
You just wonder why your own is different. Why the man could not marry you.

sam13:
But do you read the statement well,though i'm yet to be married but if you truly love your spouse infidelity will be the last thing you will ever think about as for me i pray for a faithful woman cos cant stand a cheat partner

We are saying the same thing. Perhaps you should try to understand before lashing out.

What I was trying to bring across is that no matter what you invest in a marriage, no matter how much love and effort you give, if you are not faithful it is all useless.
Because everything you build or invest will go lost and because you are exposing your family to danger coming into the home in all forms.
Just like leaving y house full of treasures open.

God these young people do not understand proverbs

No one should ever be discouraged about marriage. It can also be the most beautiful experience.

The first moment I saw my second husband, I said a prayer. " Thank God- this is my husband". We met on the road, he was just coming out from lectures - doing his second degree.
I wen home and called my sister and told her I had seen my husband- she told me I was crazy. After my experience how could I think of marrying again.
So many people tried to discourage me. The said the man could not love me with kid`s. It was just my passport, so he could get a stay here after his studies.
They said he was interested in the financial aspect. But I did not have that much either, but it was much more than he had at that time. He came from a humble home and his parents were late and he was the first of so many siblings.
They said that the family would be a liability.

But I trusted in my feeling and I trusted in God and I married him even though we barely knew each other. In fact we were married under a year and that was because of the formalities, documents.

We have had to work at our marriage especially because I had gone through so much I was on the watch out for someone trying to hurt me again.
I was not in love with him at that time because I was so emotionally drained but I needed someone to belong to, someone to show me some love and care.

He also had gone through a very rough life and he told me he never met anyone like me. Because we did not start like a normal relationship because I was hurt and had kid`s but I invited him home and would cook for him and talk to him and share experiences with him and we just knew that we could be each others backbone.

Somehow like a thief in the night love creeped in unnoticed


We are two different people and have different backgrounds.
But I am so grateful to God for having this man by my side.
we have touched each other in a very special way.

If a home builder builds a house without a front door and put the most priceless treasures, furniture and decorations.
He has spent millions on the most expensive materials from all over the world

Would that singular act of not building in "just "the front door make him a terrible and also a very stupid Homebuilder?

This is such a young girl. The man that did this is a brute. I think that in most cases people with a complex need the army uniform to feel powerful.

bestestgirl:
Holy Cow!!!!!!!! @Mutter, he beat you because the curtain was not straight and raped you when you still had stitches oh my God, I don't even know what to say That man deserves to be bombed by boko haram
Thank God you left
and to think that his new wife would be dancing on her wedding day totally clueless on what she is about to walk into

My daughter was 26 hours old!

He is on his fouth marriage after me and told me recently he wants to get married again.

This kind of thing has been happening before.
Not specific for one tribe.
Single mothers do this quite often abroad. Also some go out nights to work or for runs.
Glad the authorities are beginning to step in.

uglyogre:
thank goodness
he's now an EX, do you mean 20 years of being separated?

Yes seperated and then divorced.

uglyogre:
[/quote

author=mutter post=30762422]The first thing you need to know is that
you did not make this man in one year. He just got a job.

The second thing you need to realize is that his family may not be
pleased with you as you are from different tribes.

Try this advice and come back and give the testimony.
Stop controlling him, that does not bring anything.
Welcome him home, show that you are happy to see him, don`t ask him
where he went.
If you feel that you are special believe that no woman can match up to
you.
When he is at work call him or send him an SMS, tell him you can`t wait
for him to come home and.....(tell him something that will make him run
home to grab you in his hands).

This man is going out there to have some fun, so make the fun at home
more than the one outside and he will come back.

Show him love, kindness and respect and if he is a good man you will see
a visible change.

Please for God`s sake do not fight over a woman, not even with him, you
are above that. You can`t change it but at leas you can counter it with
dignity.

My ex even brought home girls ad I went through all phases but one day I
just decided to say nothing. It was almost as if he was rubbing it in
my face.
Once two girl came to the house, went straight to his room and lay down
on the bed, put on AC and TV. They went to the kitchen and took my food!
when my husband came back after we greeted and he sat down i told him
he had visitors. He dashed to the room and came out with them. You
should have seen their faces " Sorry Ma". I just told them they
should feel free.
You see my husband had brought them into the house while I was away
visiting m dad and had told them that his friend and the wife lived
there too. [/quote author]

madam, if you dont mind my asking, are you talking about about
ex-boyfriend, ex-husband or the current husband you are leaving with?
Please if this is your present husband, you both need to seek
professional counselling because this is a very unhealthy marriage and
if you both continue this way, the end might be what you and him will
live to regret. marriage should be enjoyed and not endured!

MY ex husband- on June 5th it would be 20 years!

Thumbs up.
There is so mature and genuine. I love this thread.
It is like balsam to the soul.

Please for any of you in an abusive marriage. Pick up your courage and leave. God will always find a way to make it right.
When I left my ex with kids I was headed into the unknown. Yes I was lucky that I had the opportunity to go to Germany but I went through a great deal of pans, hard work, adjusting and trying to find my feet.
Yes I paid a very high price for leaving but it was worth it at the end and God remained faithful.

What kept me so long in that marriage was also pressure. From seeing others marriage work out, from family. Everyone kept giving advice like be humble, be obedient and the beating will stop. That was the biggest mistake because it just got worse.
The things I got beaten for were absurd.
- I did not hear him at the door at 2 in the morning.
- I cooked and gave his people form the village chicken.
- I looked a male visitor in the face.
- The curtain was not straight.
- I was not responding in bed which meant I probably got it somewhere else.

He had this habit of summoning a "tribunal" made up of his family or friends and they would start querying me. I just did not understand it. I did not dare tell them what was going on because that would only attract another beating. Well noted the whole time kneeling and only apologizing. Finally one day I showed some women my bruises. They were shocked. After my ex had hit me the first time on the face and got rebuked from a senior officer he never made that mistake again. He would hit me more on my trunk upper arms and upper legs. He told me that those were parts of my body I had no right to expose to another man. So it actually went quite unnoticed, only that I would limp at times and sometimes I could not even sit down. IT was bad.

Then he had this sick habit of asking me to take off my undies for him to control when I came back home. At a stage he even wanted to inspect me. Why wold I protest if I was innocent he would ask.

Did I ever mention a woman I knew who was raped when the daughter was just a day old and all the stitches bust
In the early hours of the night I begged him to take me to the hospital to be stitched back because the longer it was open, the less the chance of healing. It took so long, the baby cried and cried while they were stitching me and my husband ordered the nurse to put the baby on my breast. I was in so much pain because the doctor did not use enough anesthetics. Being a military hospital the nurse complied and was trying to hold the baby on my breast. I pleaded with her not to. I didn't want my daughter to drink my pain
She put her finger into the baby´ baby´s mouth.

Yes it was bad and it was getting really SICK!

Then he decided to take another wife. He brought a man and a batman to do all the chore for him, did not eat my food. He locked me out of my room. would have to wait for him to come home late in the night and then he would open his room and ask me to come and sleep there. In the morning he would let me enter my room to change. He took the car away from me. Made me give him all my salary.

Then finally I took the step. I went to visit his people in the village to explain that I could not cope. They had nothing to say except that I should go but alone.
I went home to my family, they said I could go but he could not put me up. He did not want the army in his home.
So I called my grandmother in Germany. God bless her departed soul! She went the very next day to the airline and booked one way tickets for me and the kids. I told my ex that my grand grand mum had invited me to Germany with the kid`s to see her now she was getting old. He let me go happily because he was planning his wedding.

When you read all this you would realize that it was constructive desertion-

My ex by his action made it impossible/ forced me to live for me to stay.
When a man makes it impossible for you to stay. Then you are not leaving the home but the man sent you off.

I wish I could proudly say I left on my own free will. But I actually had no choice.

After leaving the marriage the greatest bitterness was giving that man the best years of my life.

Neither of the above.
In most cases when you do something wrong. I call you privately talk to you, preach and advice you.
My children hate this because I can repeat myself over and over again for a long time and you have to listen to it

Scolding is something you get when you are loud, don`t tidy your room, do`t do your homework properly.

Spanking on the fingers by little kid`s - like don`t touch the cooker.

You see i am this very mild understanding woman.

BUT THE DAY YOU TRY TO BE RUDE TO ME OR DISOBEY ME- God help you that day oh!

Remember once my first daughter was trying to get cheeky on me- had too many white friends.

I warned her! I am warning you -1, I am warning you -2 and then she tried it a third time -grumbled when I asked her to open my hair..

I chased her into her room- "since we are now mates you will strip and I will strip and we will look at each others unclothedness!". She cried and call my husband begging for help. My husband had to hold me I would have carried out my treat.
Needless to say that was the last day she ever tried it.
My husband told me he never knew he married a typical village woman
Or once my son dd not go to school but came back home to watch TV. I kicked his ass all the way back to school. You can imagine on the streets of Germany, me running behind him and kicking him


Yes my children think I am a little bit crazy and can disgrace them anywhere so they are cautious, with obeying the rules.

The first thing you need to know is that you did not make this man in one year. He just got a job.

The second thing you need to realize is that his family may not be pleased with you as you are from different tribes.

Try this advice and come back and give the testimony.
Stop controlling him, that does not bring anything.
Welcome him home, show that you are happy to see him, don`t ask him where he went.
If you feel that you are special believe that no woman can match up to you.
When he is at work call him or send him an SMS, tell him you can`t wait for him to come home and.....(tell him something that will make him run home to grab you in his hands).

This man is going out there to have some fun, so make the fun at home more than the one outside and he will come back.

Show him love, kindness and respect and if he is a good man you will see a visible change.

Please for God`s sake do not fight over a woman, not even with him, you are above that. You can`t change it but at leas you can counter it with dignity.

My ex even brought home girls ad I went through all phases but one day I just decided to say nothing. It was almost as if he was rubbing it in my face.
Once two girl came to the house, went straight to his room and lay down on the bed, put on AC and TV. They went to the kitchen and took my food! when my husband came back after we greeted and he sat down i told him he had visitors. He dashed to the room and came out with them. You should have seen their faces " Sorry Ma". I just told them they should feel free.
You see my husband had brought them into the house while I was away visiting m dad and had told them that his friend and the wife lived there too.

Mynd44:
Walking away is smart and cool yeah. But playing the silent card is childish.

She has been trying to settle things but he is the one not interested in listening

What is required here is a unilateral act- an apology.

Only after the apology can she think of a settlement. which is two parties coming to a compromise.
There is no basis for negotiation when there is no peace and peace can only come in when she apologizes.

You see this woman is really silly !
An apology is so much easier to make than trying to talk yourself out of the situation and even making it worse.

Mynd44:
Walking away is smart and cool yeah. But playing the silent card is childish.

She has been trying to settle things but he is the one not interested in listening

What is required here is a unilateral act- an apology.

Only after the apology can she think of a settlement. which is two parties coming to a compromise.
There is no basis for negotiation when there is no peace and peace can only come in when she apologizes.

You see this woman is really silly !
An apology is so much easier to make than trying to talk yourself out of the situation and even making it worse.

Mynd44:
Unfortunately, that's how to please a lot of men out there.
She did wrong..yes
He is angry....yes
But as husband and wife, coming together to talk about it with the thought to solving it is the best idea not her bribing him with 1day of slavery or him punishing him with silence is he 16 years old?

He did not hit her or get abusive on her.
Walking out or keeping silent is actually are actually very mature actions a man can take.

The wife insulted him and did not apologize.
The foundation for any compromise or discussion is mutual respect. So right now there is nothing to be said because it would only lead to further insults.

She has to aplogize , it is just as simple as that, did she not know that valentine was round the corner?

Because these women loved and respected the man`s money and not the man.

Most women have this codex when it comes to men-

Yours is ours and mine is mine.

babyosisi:
Yes I did
Here in America you have no choice and there are no house helps
Sorry omalicha
It's the only way find a good reliable nanny or day care and pop them out now that your are young and get that out of the way

I always tell my younger friends.there is no hood time to have babies
There can never be a time you will say,we are now ready
You just let them come and rough it out

IMHO I would still choose having them and young and in day care for hours on end when they were 1,2,3 and 4 years old when they can hardly
remember anything than when they are older and you can't attend any school activities and can't do stuff and they remember the lonely times spent at a day care waiting for you to come in with your hair all scattered like a mad woman to pick them up

Hair scattered like a mad woman! Thank God I am not alone here.

Congratulations. God never fails. Cute baby.

babyosisi:
She doesn't love that man with all her heart there is a small "but" somewhere
When I met and married my husband he didn't have much but I loved him greatly
I couldn't wait to introduce him to friends
He could do no wrong
He was the best thing since sliced bread
I thought he was the most intelligent man I ever met,the sexiest and the most handsome
He was everything I wanted and more
I also came from a comfortable parental background with mom and dad riding two cars,we lived in our own father's house and a home telephone in the house.we were not wealthy but comfortable.
He came from a home where they lived in a yard with other people and were tenants
I had never been a tenant,we owned our house
But his background didn't matter to me
I loved him and that was paramount to anything else and that love made everything else feel right about him

If she truly loved this man she will love his kisses too and will be longing to spend her life with him

Yes you are right but still many marriages start different to yours and also end up well.
Not in every case is the wife or husband absolutely sure of their choice and it ends well.
Then too there are times the parties are absolutely sure and it does not end well.

I think more important than the butterflies in the stomach is the character of the man.

You fell in love with your husband at once but what fed and nurtured this love to grow?
You have a good man you respect and cherish.
If you had given this love to a man that way unworthy that love would have died by now.