₦airaland Forum

Yes oh y poor DIL I really pity her too. If only she had listened to my advise.
y son got a promotion but that also came with a transfer. He had to spend almost 3 hours on the road going and the same time coming back. The wife refused to move so he was leaving before five and coming back midnight. When he finally got a place she threw his things out of the house.
All my appeals to her to move and keep the family in tact did not help. She filed for a divorce and was dating his friend.
Thats all in the past now.

and now you have posted this pics here, I am sure she will forgive you.
Your space in hell should be reserved if this is true

Siena how can the views of one man be acceptable by all?
I still have very good relationship with my DIL.

okay I am back, with helmet on.
Heel protection

I have to laugh at that, the heels?

@chaircover
I do not glamorise my past, no do I even attempt to. I have achieved the little I have with hard work and the grace of God.
What I have achieved is also nothing glamorous.
Even if it appears so to some of you.

I do not think that many people find my advise as bad, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

Jenny, No one on earth owns me.
We cling to one another and became one.
A man or woman that respects the others feeling will let the other partner remain as individual as possible.
Love is not about trying to change a partner but accepting the partner as he or she is.

If looking after a baby is a full time job then there is no capacity for a second child.
Anyway if it is the first baby, then everything is new and needs getting used to.
I was just trying to suggest that she can strap the baby on her back and that turns the full time job into a part time job.
I do not have to be a better mother just because I have more kids. A mother with one child may be a better mother than one with ten.
I did not say a man should not cook for a wife, but it is not his duty.
My husband cooks very often too and some things he cooks better than I do.
Goddess-Amen
If na bad prayer return to sender

No demand- no supply.
As simple as that.
All men that frequent the Universities as brothels should be castrated.

Efani and Melidee
I am finding it hard to decide who should in the price.
Most ridiculous post

Looking after a baby has now became a full time job
Abeg go and buy your wife a wrapper if she does not already have one.

Whatever happened to the adage
"the way to a mans heart is through the stomach"
must have been a total idiot or a very wise man.
It is the womans duty to cook for the husband and kids.
However a kind and considerate man helps out.
That does not make it his duty.

I see nothing wrong with the man paying the bill especially if the man is older and an earner and the lady does not yet have an income.
However even then one should be realistic and fair, keeping the bills affordable and considering the mans wallet.
There is no need to go eating out so often and in the best places or ordering the most expensive meal.
If the woman can afford to she should also take the man out or buy him gifts at the appropriate time.
I guess even a non earning girl can afford to spend a token on her BF it is the emotion behind the gift that counts.
What I really hate is this use and abuse syndrome some women have or should I call it chop am die syndrome.
Every woman loves gifts but there is a difference between gifts and maintaining.
If a woman has pride and moral she would not engage in this greedy and disgusting habits.

MOBO
first they you insult you, then they  laugh at you, then they ignore you, then you win.
Let the truth be told.

Theremust be a way to check during pregnancy if the baby will end up as SS?
Doctors i the house may know.
But, does one have the money to do it and does one have what it takes to abort?
Such a shame really

4allerbintu
Well thank God that humanitarian organisations have a different view from yours.

It always depends on the circumstances of the case.
MY son got married at the age of 20 because he got his girlfriend pregnant and was in love.
He was still very young and both needed my parental guidance.

@ Chaircover I think I have a right to determine with who I do business with and the only priority is competence.
Do you know that for various transactions one has various partners.

sorry chaircover, I was answering a particular question you asked me relating to an incidence with my DIL.
But anyway are you for real?
I should get a life because I still sponsor projects for my son?
Ever heard of family business.
I am not the only person I hope who has projects with her children.

Life is not just suger and honey, I guess you try to give diplomatic advise, while I am more realistic.
Well no need abusing me because you have a different opinion.
Afterall the poster reads the diffeent opinions and makes his pick.

@ Chaircover

I know exactly what I wrote.
Please be realistic.
MY husband married a woman and she has a great say as regards her family and home but my son is not only a husband.
He is a son, a brother and has so many other functions and responsibilities that he has to uphold.
Do you know that there are many issues I have to discuss with him, things regarding for example  Nigeria that are not even women issues. So you expect his wife to be involved in every topic.
When we discuss financial issues that don`t involve her. Say for instance I have some projects running with my son that I sponsor largely. I have to discuss it with his wife first. Like if I employed someone I would be discussing it with the wife.
Yes I know exactly what I am saying.
I would like the men on this forum to admit if they have to tell their wives everything they discuss with their mums.
I have so many things I discuss with my father that do not involve my husband.
Issues regarding the family, tradition, Land etc. Why should my husband e involved, why should my father have to ask for permission?
Absurd.
I mean when I know my husband is needed, I tell my dad to talk to him. That we have to involve him.

lovelynk
She still remains my DIL and I still have a great relationship with her but the marriage does not exist any longer.
But that is another topic that I will not want to go into here.
Suffice it to say that the marriage had broken up irretrievably.

Aisha God bless you for your kind efforts.
Please could you give us details how to donate for future purposes.
I just saw this right now.
I do not have an account in nigeria.

MY point is that these innocent girls that hawk themselves on the streets are often victim of circumstances that have no choice.
The real prostitutes are on our campuses, in our offices and so on.
You need to listen to some of the stories of these girls.
What structures exist in nigeria to give unskilled labour meaningful employment.
They try hawking items and get abused sexually, cannot make enough to feed.
They try as nannys and get abused physically as well as sexually and are even sad.
These girls often have no way out.
We need to put up infrastructures and meaningful employment with realistic wages in Nigeria to prevent this prostitution that is a direct result of poverty and abuse.

Now what is your point.

regardless of yoruba culture
My humble contribution.

This is absurd. When the parents want something from the son why take permission from the wife?
It is left to the husband to know if he has to clear it with his wife before he can grant that favor.
The woman should clear the issue directly with her husband.

Once my DIL called me on an issue I discussed with my son. I told her she was overstepping her boundaries, I had no intention discussing it with her.
I mean she had a right to discuss it with her husband and influence him but I have a right to determine what I want to discuss with whom.
However in most cases I actually cleared most issues with her first. That is because I know that she has more dynamic as a woman to get things moving. We also relate much better as women and she knows her husbands program much better than I do.

I have found that women are most unsympathetic to one another.
Sadly it is mostly based on trivial issues.

Do you think prostitution is an easy job
Not for those girls out there on the streets hawking their bodies.
Maybe for those so called ladies that are being sponsored by so called boyfriends.
Those women on the street do not make up 5% of the prostitutes in Nigeria.
however trades her body for material needs is a prostitute and as you are well aware most women have their price.
I have seen women that are ready to spend more than the earn in a month just on clothing themselves like Christmas trees.
Such women are responsible for many young men going astray, because these men compromise their integrity and honesty to join the mad race so that they can "carry" such women.
The result is decadence and in morality in all nooks and corners.
Why is it so difficult for a decent man to take a woman on a mere date without having to spend money on her?

lovelynk
I have given you all the answers you need and more.
Again please stop quoting me out of context.
Why don`t you open a thread  if you need advise, perhaps I might feel inclined to give my advise.
I have taken you to the stream but you need to drink yourself.

I became a mother in law six years ago and I can tell you it is no easy task especially when the woman involved is difficult to handle.
MY DIL always comes to me for advise. I assured her from the first day that she will always be a part of my family no matter what comes between her and my son.
now she does make her mistakes but with love and patience I try to direct her on the right part.
In such relationships it is important not to bear grudges and always be objective. I

Travelister you lack love and compassion for your fellow man.
Women that are corporate prostitutes. Those are the real prostitutes. Those that have and want more.
I am talking of the poor girls caught up in the viscous circle of poverty and despair.
These girls are only victims of a callous society.
I wish we had more love for our fellow men that would go a long way.

If over my dead body is a statement one makes just like that.
then darling you an take it or leave is also a statement one makes just like that.
Would you like the poster to take your advise at the risk of loosing his mother because he took your advise?
Once a life is lost, there is no making amends, no bringing back the dead.
If the wife does not see reason and leaves.
You can be certain that others will get involved like pastor, family and friends.
The situation can be amended and reversed.
This is a sick woman, no time for lengthy discussions, immediate action needs to be taken.
How do you think this woman will feel being ill and rejected from her son?
Do you know that the mental state of mind is very important when one is sick.
That love and attention sometimes the best medicine is?
I hope he takes my advise and treats his mother first, she is the one sheep in danger.
The wife is only being inconvenienced.

It will indeed be harder for many nigerians to be forgiven for what they did to the country than for a camel to pass the eye of a needle.
These girls bodies are being sold but some people out there are selling their souls.
A country where no one is guaranteed their fundamental human rights and needs.
Nothing surprises me any more.
I shed at seeing a sister being reduced to this state of decadence and hoplessness.

Travelista when a human becomes desperate he throws caution to the wind.
A woman that prostitutes to survive is a victim. She deserves help and respect for what she has to endure.

MAKABER
when the woman said over her dead body, did she put the children into consideration.
Assuming for instance God heard this prayer and decided to take her life?
Such things have been known to happen.
Who here is being inconsiderate about the children.

Why should a home be broken because a sick woman came for an operation and to recover?
You said you found a reasonable solution for your mother and all are happy now, she visited later.
All I see is a daughter that abandoned her mother in her time of need.
You are a let down. May God forgive you.
YOU ABANDONED YOUR MUM, coat it how you like.
If the woman had problems with the mother in law it would be different if she put it the right way and the husband could have had the chance to be diplomatic and appeal to his mother.
Why should a young woman be discouraged from getting married.
My solutions are realistic and any well brought up girl knows what is expected of her.

She is the one packing out and not the man putting her out.
She has made the situation so unbearable that the man has not other option.

Do you think for instance in law a man can batter his wife so much that when she flees, he can claim deserted him?
No in this case the man deserted the marriage constructively.

Jenny I love tight corners, you can bounce on the wall and spring back
Sorry got to go to church with my dad

jenny your interpretations of me are unauthentic.
Please leave the other readers here to do that for themselves.
You are not qualified to do so for anyone other than yourself.

Answer
Should the man risk his mothers death, because a senseless woman is ready to pack out with the children.
Did the Shepard not leave 99 in search of one.
A woman like that is she a role model for the kids.
If you can answer these questions you have the answer to your question.

Since you are older and not on the same level it makes things easier.
Studying or working is just one part of life and the private part can still be accommodated simultaneously.
There is nothing that stops a student from marrying and even getting kids if she an cope.
I know women who study while tried or got married in between.
Besides in Nigeria there are so many forms of marriage.
You can opt for one low key and do the other years later if need be.
Some couples do their wine carrying years later, or the other way around.
This woman has been with you for long but considering the campuses are brothels she could be lead astray.
Strategically
After you conquer you secure your territory.



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