₦airaland Forum

Jennykadry
you know the problem you have is that you scrutinize whatever I write., to the point of making it absurd or meaningless.
If in a topic about submission I write a woman should obey her husband, then you want me to go on and state exceptions?
Have you ever read a law book in your life? Just take a look at how laws are written.
Even when a law is stated
There are sometimes volumes of exceptions under it.
Even to interpret a law, various methods are applied from the ordinary meaning to the historical background origin of the law.
Sometimes two laws kind of contradict each other. Sometimes Judgments are written on the meaning of just one word.
What you are trying to do is unrealistic and cannot make meaning. Ask me when you think I am contradicting and I can explain.

Sorry but if you really studied, you could never come out with such an argument, because you would know how to interpret things in a wider context.
Analyse analytically and think abstractly.

Mabakar.
children belong to both parents not to you alone.
In a case were the marriage breaks, the only consideration is the children and their welfare.
In this case the poster has not drawn our attention to any problems his mother might have to justify the womans action in the slightest.
In this case the marriage is doomed for failure sooner or later, if the woman is not ready to compromise. What will be the next issue where she puts her foot down?
Mabaker I do agree with you on one thing, the asking should just be a formality. It should be taken for granted that the parents are welcome in the home.

Blank your solution is very reasonable.
But in this case with the wifes attitude. The home is not being spoilt from withen and not from the outside.

Nice that one refers to the mother as external factor.
So you are the external factor for your kids. Your kids are learning from you how to treat their kids in the future.
@Blank taking care of your mother when she is sick was the topic and not mother packing in permanently. I think there is a big difference.
@ Jenny and outstrip.
A woman should obey her husband and submit to him at all times. I apply this law in my home.
I believe that that is stipulated by my religion and my culture.
Does that mean if my husband says we should commit murder, that I will submit and do?
Even as I submit to my husband and follow his wish also sometimes when he is not right, it has to have limitations.
I cannot commit an offence before God or man because of my husband.
No man is infallible and God is the higher authority.
My first duty is to God and then to man. So where my husbands wish goes against the higher authority it becomes null and void.

Besides I think it would enrich the arguments here if you learn to argue logically or even illogically rather than resorting to insults and personal attack.
But not to worry.
Nelson Mandela said, when a man becomes rude to you, you keep being polite. That way you force him with time into being polite.
This normally works for humans. I hope it works for you.

Your parents are the roots. No roots no tree. The tree may still look good but after sometime it withers and dies.
That is just the beginning of more unpleasant compromises you make in your marriage.
Sooner or later the marriage decays.
At the end of the day your husband will respect you for living u to your responsibilities even if he finds it hard to admit.

LOVELYNK
even in a marriage there is a forbidden fruit just like in the garden of eden.
I cannot judge you for your actions but if you had made it clear from the unset how much you love your mum this issue would never arise.
I have lost my mum and that chapter is closed forever. I still have a dad, a man that carried me and cared for me in the prime of his life, now he is old and frail my heart bleeds for him.
Yes you should have set your husband with an ultimatum.
IF i were in your shoes I would not be able to sleep or eat under that roof under those conditions.
Either my mum comes or I go to her as long as she needs me.

he just didn`t like the idea
So you were satisfied with that answer.
You abandoned helping your mother for that excuse.
Cheers!!!

I laughed too but it is quite sad.

@ Poster I repeat, do not be a full
your mother is sick and needs treatment
Do you know what it means when someone says over her dead body?
That means no matter what the consequences.
I wonder why people are discussing diplomacy, here. From the wifes answer it is lear she does not want to compromise.
Okay if anything happens to your mum, I hope you can live with it the rest of your life.
@chaircover, please what do you mean by the could have had that agreement before.
DO you know that an immoral agreement of that nature is null and void.
In fact if my husband made such a comment to me, something will die in me that he an never awaken again.

Chaircover there are somethings that are not subject to compromise or negotiation.
Diplomacy works where negotiable issues are involved.
Certain actions call for immediate , non negotiable and clear solutions.

The answer to your question is that the man has take his mother immediately, if the wife is not ready to play along, he needs to kick her out.
Every other thing that evolves from that will be dealt with.
If it means the end o the marriage do let it be.
It is the woman that wants it ended.
She has the option.
You try going to tell your mum she cannot pack in because of your husband.
In fact I blame the man for not having made it clear from the start.

Pretty
you are quite right and you need to rake your own advise.
Is the mother not part of the family, or do you opt for only man and wife, that is not a nigerian family.
One of the ten commandment is honor your mother, not honor your wife.
To preserve the family the wife must b e called to order.

It depends what pampering means.
More detrimental to kids is violence, lack of love and parental guide.

what I miss in many women is the connection to reality.
Normally at the beginning of the marriage before the kids come, both parents may agree to work hard to raise some capital.
What % of Couples in the world go on honeymoon?

Not a long week chaircover,
I will never compromise my parents for another person
I had to go through most of life without a mother maybe you need to loose something to know it`s value.
Yes his wife needs to do some thinking, the love she has for the man must be reflected in the way she treats the mum.
Okay you want the mother to die alone and sick.,because the man is pleasing his wife.

Now what in heavens name in m response gives you that impression, Travelista?
OUR INLAWS.
Do you understand that that refers to me and m husband.
The same rules apply, when m family visit.
The problem is that many couples do not have guidelines for their marriage.
We both agreed on certain laws in our marriage and one of them is that every partners inlaws and visitors will be treated with utmost respect

Polosco,
the same bible says my body is the temple of the lord.
Is it not my duty as Gods child to preserve it from distruction.

Unfortunatly I do not have a mother in law.
As for your brother, he is a big fool.
HE should kick the silly woman out of the house and take his mother in. If she is willing she can come back and beg.
Marriage must and should accomodate in laws.
When our in laws visit us the always get the best treatment.
Please tell him to be a man and act like one.
A woman that geve him life, he is now turning his back on her.
Which woman is worth this sacrilage.

inky I did not say I suspected you were a rape victim,.
I only said that some people might think you were one.
The replies I see on most topics here (not your topics) suggest as much.
Anyway I strongly believe that more than 70% of Nigerian women have been raped at least once in thheir life.

your wife has some medical problems.
This is no longer in the realm of normal

I just wonder why you are almost panicking at being tagged as a rape victim.
Anyway I have not followed your post nor do I have any knowledge of your sexual life.
Even a rape victim should be entitled to live a life still standing proud and tall.
Why bother helping victims of rape, when you have an attitude towards rape.
I mean almost panicking.
This disqualifies you mentally for such a function

yes it is.
No offence meant.
What I am basically trying to say is that most victims do not report rape because they end up being offenders instead of victims.
In many cases no one believes it is rape in the first place and they are put under such humiliating questioning.
The offenders try everything to discredit their character and draw them in the mud.
Apart from that they get stigmatized and ridiculed.
Following some of the comments in some threads here I almost fear that the same might happen to you if care is not taken.
I cannot blame any woman for keeping this incidence to herself and opting to suffer in silence.
It is not a show of weakness but a reflection of just how unsympathetic and callously society goes about dealing with such crimes.

This is a great topic and I am glad that so many people see it that way.

I BET you very soon a poster will abuse you for being raped. You were actually the one and just claiming it was a friend.
Then before you know it someone might comment that you wanted it and just claimed to be raped.

being dirty is one of the most disgusting things in a woman. What is your house going to look look like when kids come?
I know a man he was never happy coming home because of the dirt. It was so disgusting .

My dear Zebra,
the human is not meant to be emotionally independent. This emotional dependence on a partner is what distinguishes you from other animals.
In the past women were told that sex is only for procreation. I was under the impression that emancipation was also about a woman living out her sexuality in an honorable manner.
You use the western world as a standard.
What exactly is that.
In the past the white man enslaved and colonized your fathers, but for many of them their minds and spirits were still free.
You young lady have voluntarily enslaved yourself mentally.
DO you realise that the law of nature wants creatures including man to procreate?
Some animals even live just to die when giving birth to young.
So do you know that the break down of family structures is responsible for the problems in the world today?
And you see women that follow the law of nature as being emotionally dependent.
For me mentally dependent and enslaved women are women that turn away from the law of nature and their culture to embrace another mans own.
Okay homosexuality is recognised in the western world, why do we not show our emotional independence by all being homos or lesbians.
I have never seen a male dog f------another male dog.
But we humans do it and call ourselves modern, freedom of choice, equality
So you see I am an independent woman. I do not get carried away from what I see in the western world.
under the motto, it comes from there it`s got to be right.

I do not feel the need to get married because I already am
Neither am I or was I ever desperate to get married because you only get desperate when something is not within your reach.
Every woman has desires of the flesh. I have control over mine fully because I have a husband ho knows every inch of my body and how to please me. Who holds me in his arms afterwards and I ca sleep with the assurance that he is mine.
Everywhere in the world women generally have more respect if they are married and in certain positions the family life comes under surveillance.
Thank God I do not have to take any position for a man who does not want me.
But for the man that shares his life with me and gives me happiness I am ready to take any position, standing, lying or kneeling.
The law of nature is such that the female has a partner, even among animals at least higher animals not talking of parasites etc.
Yes that also entails sometimes being seen and not heard. That also entails humbling myself and accepting his position as the head of our home.
I am a truly independent woman.

Yes they can.
I prefer to know what is going on than to be kept in the dark.
I raise my kids to know they can trust me to talk about anything and I advise them with love and patience.
Leting them know the go and no go areas.

Ivynwa,
You have impressed me with your arguments and how you bring them across.
White flag
Thanks for the efforts I shall keep your words in mind, at least I will try to.

Ivynwa
your words are well coated but the message has gotten across to me.
So I do not have a right to my opinions.
Is this not a forum where everyone can express their views.
Okay I get the message. The were justified in abusing me because I provoked it. I should be nice to my fellow women and tell them lies.
Whats wrong in saying that some women at 40 are grandmothers it is a fact.
Okay sorry oh, the woman in question can have 20 children in 4 years.
Jenny only wanted to come to the defense. You have overlooked the fact that this is her attitude in almost any thread.
In a world where women start dating even at 16 how do you define a woman at 40.
Please try to be neutral when playing Judge.
Not withstanding I appreciate your effort but wish to plead my fundamental right of freedom of speech

Please no nasty comments this is our modern day emancipated and liberated woman
How come I know many women who have made it in life and are just looking for the Mrs. title. They are even ready to pay the man for it.
Wake up girl a man and woman can build a home together.
Is your body a machine that needs fuel to function

Akinagirl
Have faith in God he will see you through.
I wish you all the best.

IF you mean the children behave better when the father is there that is not unusual.
Many kids tend to behave themselves better when the father is around. In some cases they behave better when the mother is around.
My kids take more liberties with me than with my husband that is because I am more flexible and try to be democratic.
My husband does not talk much but he is strict and conservative when it comes to raising kids.
What I am trying to tell you is do not judge her.
Besides some kids are more difficult to control than others. They are simply more active and temperamental.
I personally can`t stand it when kids throw themselves on the floor and cry especially in shops when they want something. Any kid that tries that number on me will never try it again. I will simply ignore you and keep on walking.

here we go again.
It all depends on the circumstances of the case.
It depends on the level of injury what causes the problem and so many other facts that need to be put into consideration.
I cannot advise a woman that the husband knocked out the teeth to stay in the marriage. Her life is in danger.
One cannot have a rigid approach to issues circumstances have to be weighed.
Apart from that it depends on the angle you approach things from.
When someone asks how can I get a divorce my answer is different from if someone asks should I get a divorce.